The Art of Comedy Combat!
Written by: Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR
Summary: What if Naruto revealed a style of fighting not seen since his mother, Uzumaki Kushina, perished? After all, he's called the number-one COMEDY Ninja for a reason...NarutoxHarem. SasukexHarem.
And now...it's time for the next chapter. Hopefully, this will bring back some of the funny. And the star of the chapter is Ino, so I hope you fans of hers enjoy!
"Hey, Naruto? Where do you think you're taking us, anyway?" Ino called out to the other blond, as the entire group consisting of Naruto, Tenten, Hinata, Ino and Lee jumped through the trees.
"Why, to my secret training place. Where else would I take you?" Naruto replied, as though he were talking to a four year old.
"Humph. This place had better be good, Naruto-baka," Ino huffed.
"I am sure that wherever Naruto-kun takes us to train will be most excellent!" Lee said, doing the nice guy pose in mid air to Ino, who cringed a bit.
"Um, N-Naruto-kun...? What will we be d-doing t-today?" Hinata asked shyly.
"Today, I'm gonna teach you how to control the new seals that I gave to you. The Gag Warp seals. The key to using them is...I-MAAAAGI-nation..." Naruto said, spreading his arms, complete with a rainbow-version of the word imagination appearing.
"...What the hell was that?" Tenten said, staring at Naruto, even as they were jumping through the trees.
"You mean...I-MAAAAGI-nation?" Naruto asked, repeating what he did before.
"...Yes, that." Tenten deadpanned. "That's something that I'd expect from Lee!"
"Yeah!" Lee agreed. He then added a little speed so that he could jump by Naruto's side, and whispered into his ear, "We will be learning how to do that...right? Because there is nothing more youthful than rainbows."
Naruto sweat dropped. "Um...sure."
Lee got so excited that he nearly crashed into a tree.
"...ANYWAY," Naruto said loudly, gaining the attention of the others. "You guys should prepare yourselves for battle by the time we get there. I'll explain how to use the seals when we make it, but after that, you'll be on your own for a while."
"Humph, fine! This should be a piece of cake! Bring it on!" Ino said, with a confident smirk on her face.
"I shall rise to this challenge, and become stronger as a result. I shall make Gai-sensei proud!" Lee declared, fire burning in his eyes. YOUTHFUL fire.
"I-if it gives me a-a chance to be c-closer to Naruto-kun, then I-I'll do it as well!" Hinata whispered to herself.
Naruto nodded. "Good to see you're all eager. 'Cause guess what? We're here!"
Naruto suddenly jumped down towards the ground, the rest of the team jumping right behind him. But when they landed, they saw nothing but wide open space on a grassy field.
"Naruto, this is right in the middle of nowhere! How the heck are we supposed to get any good training done in a place like this?!" Ino complained.
"Maybe we are going to practice head to head combat within this large field. After all, it's good to have lots of space open for things like that," Lee suggested.
"Not even close," Naruto chuckled, moving to a certain part of the field. Once he got to it, he made a little stomp with his foot. Shortly after, much to the surprise of the others, the part of the field slowly rose up, the dirt and grass falling away to reveal a stairway leading deeper into the ground.
"What the...when was THIS made?!" Ino said, shocked.
"More importantly, where does this lead to?" Tenten asked.
"You'll see..." Naruto said, chuckling. "Just follow me."
Naruto made his way down the stairs...and after sharing a brief look at each other, the others shrugged and followed him.
Soon, they found themselves completely in the dark. As in, they couldn't see anything no matter where they looked.
"Naruto? Where the heck ARE we?!" Ino shouted.
"Hold on! I've just got to turn the gate on!" Naruto replied from the middle of the underground room.
"Wait...'gate'?" Lee questioned.
But before anything else could be said, a large flash of light burst forth within the room, catching the others off guard.
"What the hell?!" Everyone (even Hinata) yelled, covering their eyes.
Thankfully, the flash didn't last too long. Once they felt that it was gone, Lee, Hinata, Ino and Tenten slowly lowered their arms from their eyes...and proceeded to bug their eyes out at what Naruto was standing in front of.
"N...Naruto-K...Kun...w...what is t...t...that...?" Hinata said with a shaking finger, her stuttering worse than usual.
"...Amazing..." Tenten said in awe.
"Wow...what IS that?" Ino said in the same way.
"Truly, it is not of this world..." Lee said, eyes wide.
Naruto was standing right in front of what appeared to be a large circular door of sorts. Only, there was a large, purple swirling vortex right inside it. It was behind a bunch of machines and computers that shouldn't have existed in a place like Konoha. And yet, that's what they were seeing right before their very eyes.
"You like it?" Naruto laughed, sweeping his arms across the entire room. "All of this technonogly...though I hate to admit it...is all because of my Inner-Imp, Luther. He as smart as he is powerful, and trust me, he is powerful. Sigh...if only he didn't seem so evil..."
"What was that, Naruto-kun?" Lee said, Naruto having whispered the last part.
"Nothing," Naruto said quickly. 'Can't have TOO many people learning about what Luther is REALLY like...at least, not until I can find a way to control him...'
"Wait a minute. What's all this talk about 'Inner-Imps' about? And what does it have to do with our training?" Ino questioned.
"Glad you asked, Ino-chan. I guess I forgot to mention them before," Naruto said. "Anyway, when you first start to learn the Comedy Combat Style, it is important that you first come into contact with what is known as your Inner-Imp for boys, and Inner-Pixie for girls. In other words, your own Inner-self that takes pleasure in all the humorous things in life...most of the time. It is impossible to fully master the Comedy Combat style without first coming into contact with your Inner-self."
"...Your own Inner-self, huh...?" Ino said with a dainty hand underneath her chin, remembering the large version of Sakura that disrupted her Mind Transfer Jutsu when she used it in the pinkette.
"Now that you think of it...I remember back when I was fighting Gaara that it didn't...really feel like I was in that much control of my actions...it felt like someone was fighting for me...or rather, inside me, using my own body..." Lee remembered, doing the same thinking stance as Ino.
"M..Me t..too..." Hinata replied.
Naruto nodded. "I'm not surprised. Hinata-chan, I gave you a potion that my Inner-Imp, Luther, created. One designed to help one awaken their Inner-Imp or Pixie. And as for Lee...to tell you the truth, I didn't expect the drink I gave you to awaken your Inner-Imp, so it was just sheer luck on that part. The strange thing is that each person's Inner-Imp/Pixie seems to have to awaken under different conditions each time, depending on the person."
Naruto shook his head. "Anyway, forget about all of that! It's time I teach you how to use the Gag Warp Seal!"
"Finally! I can't wait to use whatever I want, whenever I want it!" Ino gushed, thinking about the things she could do.
"...It's not gonna be that simple," Naruto said. "Well...using the seal IS that simple, really. It just won't be simple to use it whenever you want at first. Here's how you use it. Are you ready?"
"HAI!" Ino, Lee and Hinata said. Tenten just watched.
"Okay. All you have to do is focus your every thought to the middle of your back. Focus all of your willpower, your energy, everything to your back. If you do it right, then you should feel a sort of warm tingling feeling coming from you back were the seals were put at," Naruto began.
The others tried this, closing their eyes to concentrate. And nearly at once, they all felt a warmth not unlike the one they first felt when Naruto first put the seals on them.
"Good," Naruto said, sensing that they had done the first step okay. "Next, think of something that you would love to have at this very moment. And since its your first time, make it something really simple...like a flower, or a book."
Nodding, the three Comedy Combat Hopefuls did just that.
"Okay, now for the last part, reach behind your backs, and you should feel your arms sinking into something. Once you feel your hand close around something, pull your arm back out slowly..." Naruto said, watching them closely.
The three had faces of pure concentration as they reached behind their back...and almost bugged their eyes out in surprise when they felt their arms sinking into something. But they caught themselves, and managed to gain back their focus in time.
After a few seconds of feeling around for what they had thought up, they each felt their hand close around something. Eyes wide, they each slowly pulled their respective items out.
In Hinata's hands was a simple book, depicting the heroics of a brave blond boy that bore a striking resemblance to Naruto. The shy Hyuuga blushed when she realized that it was a book she had been creating for a while.
In Ino's hands was a custom made Mirror, designed to show off only her best features. She swooned as she admired herself.
And finally, in Lee's hands was... a Double-Decker Ham, Turkey and Cheese Sandwich, with all the trimmings.
Everyone stared at him.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...What? I was hungry," Lee said, raising an eyebrow at everyone's stares. He shrugged, and took a bite out of the massive Sandwich. "Hey...not bad!"
"...Okay..." Naruto said. "Anyway, it looks like it's a success!" Naruto said, happy. "Just remember, don't try to come up with something TOO complex for a while. Best case scenario, the item doesn't show up. Worst case scenario, you die from the lack of energy you wasted on said item."
The three gulped.
"Oh, and one more thing. If you've seen the item you're thinking of in real life, then you can take it out of the Gag Warp Seal without any trouble. In other words, if you manage to pull out something you thought of on your own, you can easily pull it out whenever you want to from then on."
"...Awesome! Can you think how much I can save on Make-Up and Mirrors from now on?! I LOVE Comedy Combat!" Ino squealed, doing a little dance around the room.
Naruto sweat dropped. Again.
"So, Naruto-kun, now that we've got this Gag Warp Seal thing down, what is the next test for us to challenge?" Lee asked, having finished his sandwich.
"The next thing that I'll talk about is the portal that's behind me," Naruto replied. "You see, this portal is a doorway to visiting many worlds different from ours. And since it can do that, just think about all of the new and exciting styles of fighting you can learn and/or fight against! ...Or should I say, COULD learn, since Luther has only been able to set up the portal to one other world."
"And what world are we talking about here?" Ino asked, done with her happy dance.
"It is simply called...the Distortion Dimention. Mostly because of the random sounds of Guitars that you hear while you are there. You see, I sent one of my Shadow Clones through the portal to test it, after setting it to the highest difficulty level you could. ...And let's just say that my clone didn't last very long. At all. Not even close," Naruto explained.
"Wait a second. Difficulty level?" Tenten inquired.
Naruto nodded. "Yep. For some reason, there is a difficulty level that comes with this world, ranging from 1 to 5. Of course, 1 is the easiest, while 5 is the toughest. It's right next to the portal over there."
The rest of them looked to where Naruto was pointing, and saw that there was indeed a machine that had 'Difficulty Level' emprinted on the top of it, complete with a monitor for something.
"...H-How is it p-possible to have a-an entire world come w-with a difficulty l-level...?" Hinata stammered.
Naruto shrugged. "Beats me. Anyway, once you three choose a level, and an objective, I'll send you to the world."
The three nodded, and went over to the machine. The first thing they saw here was to 'Enter your name(s)'. They simply entered, Lee, Hinata and Ino. After that, they saw something called 'Goal Selection'.
"What this this mean, Naruto-kun?" Lee asked.
"That's the objective that you want to set as your goal. In other words, the thing you have to do if you want to complete this part of the training," Naruto replied. "But I'd suggest that you set the difficulty and danger levels first."
"D...Danger Levels...?" Hinata squeaked.
"Don't worry, Hinata-chan. You won't get hurt...much," Naruto said.
"Humph. I can take anything this machine throws at me!" Ino boasted. She took a look at the portal. "...But since this is my first time...I guess I'll go with the easy level..." She took the slider lever, and slid it to level 1.
All of a sudden, a freaky looking man with bright-red hair and black circles around his eyes popped up.
"Gah! What the heck is THAT?!" Ino said, jumping a bit away from the machine.
Before Naruto could answer, the man on the screen said, in a rather mocking tone, "Difficulty Level 1. Oh, please. Don't be lazy! This setting is for the brainless!"
"...What did that guy just say?!" Ino shouted, glaring at the screen, even as the man went away.
"That's who I like to call, 'The Asshole'. He tries to goad you into making the challenge harder, with his mockniess, and comtempt," Naruto said. "It's up to you if you want to listen to him or not."
"...Humph," Ino scoffed. "Fine then. Let's see what, 'The Asshole' has to say about level 2!" She slid the lever to said difficulty.
'The Asshole' showed up on screen again.
"Level 2. Come ON! Challenge yourself! This level is for little kids." 'The Asshole' said, snickering.
"Little kid? LITTLE KID? I'll show you who's a 'Little Kid'!" Ino snarled, turning the lever all the way to level 5, before the others could stop her.
'The Asshole' appeared once again.
"Level 5. Yeah, you're going to LOSE. Heh Heh Heh..." 'The Asshole' snickered.
"Like HELL I'm gonna lose!" Ino shouted. She turned towards the others. "We're doing THIS level. ANY OBJECTIONS?"
A bit scared, everyone (especially Hinata, who looked ready to faint) nodded their heads.
"Good!" Ino nodded. "But to make things fair, I'll put the danger level at 1." She did so.
'The Asshole'...you get the idea.
"Danger Level 1. This setting is for cowards, you little baby-chicken WIMP," 'The Asshole' laughed.
"..."
Ino slid the lever all the way to 5, much to the dismay of the others.
"Level 5. All right, prepare to die...heh heh heh!" 'The Asshole' laughed.
Before Ino could do anything, the rest sighed. "We know, we'll do it..."
"...Good!" Ino said. "NO ONE calls me a coward and gets away with it!"
"Okay, now that the level and danger difficulty is set up, the only thing left to do is go through the portal!" Naruto said. "Are you guys ready?"
"...You WILL come and get us if it proves too much, right?" Ino said, eying Naruto.
"...Maybe..." Naruto replied.
"...Good enough. I'm ready to kick some ass!" Ino cheered.
"The toughest challenge is always the most rewarding! And besides, if we lose, then we'll just know what NOT to do next time!" Lee challenged.
Hinata was too scared to do anything but nod her head.
"Very well. The portal is ready already. So you can jump through it at any time!" Naruto informed them.
"Okay!" Ino cheered. She and the others went in front of the portal. "So...you guys good to go?"
"Yes!" Lee said.
"H-Hai!" Hinata said as well.
"Okay...let's GO!" Ino shouted.
The three of them ran towards the portal, and jumped through it at the last second. And right before Tenten's shocked eyes, they vanished through it.
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Naruto?" Tenten asked.
"Of course. As long as they chose a good goal, they should be able to make it," Naruto said.
"...But they forgot to set a goal," Tenten pointed out.
"..." Went Naruto, slapping his forehead. "Well, let's just see what the default one was."
He went over to the machine, and looked at the goal. Then he looked back towards Tenten, a solemn look on his face.
"...Tenten. Would you like to come with me?" He said.
"Hmmm? Where? And why?" Tenten asked, blinking.
"To another place in the room. And because I feel a song coming on..." Naruto explained.
Tenten just raised an eyebrow.
With Ino, Lee and Hinata...
The three soon found themselves in quite a peculiar place. It was dark all around them, and they were standing on a large rocky ground that seemed to be floating high in the air, since they couldn't see the ground. There was also a large stairway leading to a larger floating island in the distance.
"What the...where is this place?" Ino asked, looking all around her.
"I couldn't tell you, Ino-san. I guess this must be the new world that Naruto-kun was talking about," Lee said, doing the same.
Hinata didn't really like this place. She just wanted to get the goal over with, and get back to her own world. ...Wait.
"I-Ino-san...y-you did set u-up the goal that w-we're supposed to b-be doing, right?" Hinata asked hopefully.
"...Oops..." Ino said, rubbing the back of her head and sticking out her tongue.
"...That's fine! So what if we don't know what we have to do to get out of here? We'll find a way!" Lee encourged.
"Yeah! What Big Eyebrows said!" Ino agreed. "Anyway, let's follow this stairway. We can just look for some clues for now!"
The three becoming-friends friends followed the stairway, until they got to the entrance of the cave on the island.
Once they went inside, they heard some random Guitar music. Lee and Hinata ignored it, but Ino found herself bobbing her head to it a bit.
"Wow, this sounds pretty good!" Ino proclaimed.
The other two didn't hear her, since they were too busy looking at the sign in front of them.
"'Halls of Distortion'..." Lee read.
"I-I wonder what t-that means..." Hinata said.
"Only one way to find out!" Ino said, dragging the others by the arms deeper into the cave.
It wasn't too long before they were stopped by someone...or something.
This thing was bronze in color, and had a sleek, shiny build that looked like armor. It had metal hair like Richard Simmons, as well as spikes coming from its lower legs. They could see the different colored wires coming from him, and he also wielded a rather large golden guitar.
The Master of this Dimention, the Comedy King, does NOT welcome you. You MUST TURN BACK! The strange thing said in a loud monotone.
"And who the heck are you supposed to be?" Ino challenged, while Lee got ready for a fight, and Hinata looked nervously at the robot-looking thing.
I am a Guitar Warrior, loyal to my master and friend of my creator, the Comedy King! The Guitar Warrior replied.
"Well, get outta our way! You're an eyesore, and you stink too!" Ino growled.
YOU stink. Like a freshly baked turd! Guitar Warrior replied.
"Well, you LOOK like a turd, asshole!" Ino snarled.
You ARE a turd! Guitar Warrior shot back.
Ino looked about ready to kill. "I am NOT a turd!"
You are TOO a turd!
"MOTHER..." Ino swore, before she got back her cool. "Fine. Can you at least tell us who this so called 'Comedy King' is?"
The Comedy King is a friend of the Metal Lord, who is my creator. He rules half of this world alongside the Metal Lord. Guitar Warrior replied.
"Humph. With what I've seen so far, only an idiot would want to rule this place!" Ino sneered.
No, YOU are the idiot! And you MUST leave! Guitar Warrior said.
"Man...you sure are crazy about this place, aren't you?" Ino scoffed.
And you will be DEAD if you do not leave right now. Do not force me to destroy you. Guitar Warrior growled.
Ino glared at the Machine. "Screw you! We're not going anywhere!"
The Guitar Warrior's eyes flashed red. Turn away, Earthling Blood Bag, or suffer complete deconstruction.
"I don't know what that word means, but you can't hope to destroy a ninja like me!" Ino boasted, as Lee and Hinata looked on.
I can destroy you easily with the sonic energy from my gituar! Guitar Warrior said, raising said weapon.
"Oh, no you can't!" Ino said. Unknown to the Warrior, she was making hand signs for her Mind Transfer Jutsu technique.
Oh, yes I can! Guitar Warrior replied.
"No, you can't!"
I can, too!
"Can not!"
Can!
"Can Not!"
CAN!
"No you can't! And do you know why?" Ino said.
Why?
"Because you won't be in control of your body long enough to do it!" She thrust her hands forward, into the final sign for her jutsu. "Take this, ugly! Mind Transfer Jutsu!!"
Ino felt her spirit leaving her body, and rushing towards the body of the Guitar Warrior, even as her physical body slumped to the ground.
...But she was in for a shock when her soul bounced off of the Guitar Warrior, and right back into her own body. She jumped up with a start.
"What the?!" She shouted.
"I-Ino! Are you okay?" Hinata asked, concerned.
"Yeah...but my move didn't work!" Ino said.
But before Lee could ask her why that was, the Guitar Warrior's eyes flashed once again, and he rose his Guitar even higher.
Do not say I didn't warn you! He shouted, before he fired a note from his guitar. A huge sonic wave shot out from it, aiming for the three.
"Look out!" Lee shouted, grabbing both Ino and Hinata, and jumping away from the ground. Seconds later, the ground exploded when the sonic wave hit it.
"WOAH! That giutar was able to do that?!" Ino shouted, after they all landed safely.
"It appears so. ...It looks like we don't have any choice but to take this person on, before we can advance any further," Lee said, getting into his fighting stance of the Iron Fist.
"B-But this world is set on t-the highest difficulty level! H-How can we beat him?" Hinata stammered.
"We'll find a way!" Ino said, going into her own stance. "I don't know why, but fighting music sounds like something that I want to try!"
Seeing how brave her friends were, Hinata went into the Gentle Fist stance. "O-okay...let's do this!"
Prepare for completle deconstruction, fools. Guitar Warrior said, reading his guitar.
Unknown to Ino, her energy was pulsating wildly, responding to the guitar noises above...
And that's all for this chapter. In the next, Ino, Lee and Hinata square off against the Guitar Warrior. And Ino's Inner-Pixie will awaken! Not to mention that we'll see what Sakura, Sasuke, Kakashi and Gaara are up to! Here's two hints to who Ino's Pixie will be.
Hint 1: Chu, Chu, Chu!
Hint 2: Gitaroo!
And if you figure it out, and think another certain person should have this Pixie as her own, don't worry. I have bigger plans for her.
No Omakes this time, but they'll be plently in the next chapter. Catch you next continue!
And try to guess the song that Naruto is talking about. If you have ANY idea where Ino, Lee and Hinata have been sent to, you'll know...
Also, Luther, Naruto's Inner Imp, is from the game called Star Ocean: Til the End of Time. If you've played it, then you'll know how he can make all this stuff.