Chapter 25: Thoughts

AN: So yea just gonna leave this here.

…...

:Humphrey's POV:

'This war has to end now, if not for the sake of my pack and family, than for the sake of my very soul.' I mused as I sat alone lost in thought.

It has been 2 days since my army had begun its march south toward battle, 2 days since I nearly killed Kate, and 2 days since I came to the realization of just what exactly I had become, I had become more than just a ghost, I had become a monster.

Everything I had done up to this point I told myself was in the name of the pack's safety and wellbeing but only now do I realize that I was only using that as an excuse to carry out my own vindictive rampage on those that I thought did me wrong. I was so blinded by hatred and anger that I lost sight of what was truly important, the safety of my pack and above all my family. All it took was the look of fear in those blue eyes that use to only have love in them to show me just what kind of wolf I had become. I couldn't even face her and I mean honestly how could I after seeing the fear she had of me in her eyes. How could I face any of my family they when they feared me so. My sons feared me when they met me again, could see it and I only made it worse by what I did to Kate. In the time that I was gone they must have grown to see her as an aunt or an older sister and when I showed up I hurt her and now my wife, the one that I loved so much, fears me as well. What did I do when face with this, I did what I always did, and ran away from my problems, just like I did when I first left Jasper.
Now because of my anger and failure to face my problems we are in a war that could have been avoided. If I hadn't killed Tony maybe our pack could have lived side by side. Come to think of it all of this is my fault. If I hadn't run away and ended up in Russia then I wouldn't have replaced Andrey's brother and maybe he wouldn't have lost his mind from anger and grief and betrayed the pack. There wouldn't have been a war and Maxim and Nikoli would still be alive and the pack would still be in the old territory. Everyone who has lost their lives since then would still be alive, they wouldn't have had to die so meaninglessly. All of this was my fault, all of this and I can't change a damn thing. Maybe it would have been better if I had stayed in Idaho or maybe if I had just died when I was a pup.

My mind briefly flashes back to when I was a pup

My parents and I lived on the outskirts of Jasper Park away from most of the western pack. One day I was alone playing in the field when I heard a scream come from my family's den. I ran back to find that a lone wolf had come and killed both my parents for what little food we had at our den. I ran as fast as my little legs could carry me all the while crying for help. The lone wolf was almost on me when I was saved by Winston he and a few other alphas killed the lone wolf. After he saw what happened to my parents he decided to take me in and thats when I met Kate. I owed Winston my life and look at what I have done to repay him. I nearly killed his daughter and I've slaughtered countless wolves from his pack.

I can't take back anything I have done, I can't bring back anyone who has died, and I'm not even sure that I can ever atone for my sins.

One thing I am sure about is that I have to end this war.

Even if it means giving up my life.

...

AN: Ok so first and foremost I want to sincerely apologise to fans of this story both old and new for not updating in a loooooooooonnnnnnnngggggggg time. I was looking through my old email address and I saw that people were still reviewing and following this story. I saw one particularly uncomplimentary review by a random anonymous user that, bad grammar aside, had a point. I should make more of an effort to finish this story because I owe it to you the fans so I do plan on finishing this in the coming months. This also brings me to my next topic that I think you all might enjoy, after going through my old email and seeing that people still like this story over the next few days I kept thinking that I should really finish the story and one day during work I suffered an accident that has left me with a work related injury that will leave me at home recovering for at least a month or so. I take my situation as a sign that I should really work on this story. Now if you still like this story keep in mind that this doesn't mean a sudden flurry of updates, I maybe stuck at home but I do have two little girls that need taken care of, I do plan on working on this story. I'm thinking that an update a week sounds good and maybe a few chapter rewrites. All in all I hope you are all happy with this update and I hope you look forward to more and as always Please REVIEW!

PS: Random anonymous dude sorry I don't work according to your schedule or deadlines. If you don't like it sorry but that's how it works I write on my own time.