A/N

Thanks to my ficwife lambie, my beta TwilightMomofTwo and my prereader snshyne.

WARNING: This chapter has subject matter regarding the death of a child. It should be noted that there is no graphic content, only emotional aftermath. However, for those who may be sensitive to those topics, you may want to skip ahead to the time marker about mid chapter.

EPOV

The room was exactly the same as the last time I'd seen it.

The walls were still a beautiful sky blue. I remember coming in one afternoon to find Maria sponge-painting the clouds on. She had smiled at me, and she'd had a smudge of white paint on her cheek.

Ben's bed was neatly made, the covers a bright cherry red and there was a navy blue blanket folded at the end of the bed. An old wooden toy chest sat unopened and dusty at the foot of the bed.

The dresser drawers were made of the same wood, a dark mahogany, the dark color on the knobs worn away from use. The furniture used to be mine, from when I was a little guy. Momma had placed them in the attic, and Maria found them one day while she was up there looking for something. She'd had them restored as best they could be. I rubbed my finger over a place where I'd carved my name when I was twelve. I had found an old Swiss army knife in the stable, and had sneaked it up to my room.

My daddy sure did leather my ass good for taking that knife.

I felt Bella's hand in mine, and she squeezed gently as my eyes fell on the photographs in the colorful picture frames on top of the dresser. A tightness squeezed in my chest as I studied a picture of Ben in his high chair, his face covered in Spaghetti-o's. There was another in a wooden frame of Ben and me. He was only a toddler, and was sitting on top of Buttercup. She had patiently stood for the photo, even when Ben had grabbed a handful of her mane and tugged as hard as a toddler could.

Another photo showed Ben in a Halloween costume, his eyes full of mischief. He was dressed as a Western sheriff. He had drawn the fake pistol for the picture, and his little mouth was puckered as if he had just made a beeyoo sound, as he fired his fake bullets.

I remember holding my hands up, playing along with him.

"Don't shoot! I surrender."

"I'm takin' you in."

"You throwin' me in the hoosegow, Sheriff?"

He nodded. "Uh huh. I'm puttin' you 'way."

"What for? I gotta know what I did wrong."

"Momma said you didn't eated all your peas."

"I'll be having a word with your momma."

Bella took a step forward, and I looked over at her as she looked at the pictures.

"He's beautiful, Edward." Her voice was just a whisper, but it was loud in the overly quiet room.

"He was." The ache in my chest squeezed tighter, and traveled down to my abdomen.

Bella looked up at my face, her eyes searching mine. "He still is."

My free hand raised to my face, and rubbed over my cheeks and jaw as I tried to regain control of myself. I felt the sharp prickle in the corner of my eyes. Bella's hand dropped from mine, and I felt her arms encircle my waist.

"It's OK, Edward. I'm here."

"I know, darlin'. It's just…I ain't been in here in a long time."

"Do you want to sit down?" She led me toward the bed, and sat. I followed, and heard the bed creak as I lowered myself down.

I sighed, and looked around. There were matching red and navy curtains over the window and they let in a small peep of fading sunlight.

"Tell me about him?"

"What do you want to know?"

"What was he like when he was a baby? Was he peaceful? Fussy?"

"He was…perfect. I remember when we brought him home. Maria and I…we were so scared. She was afraid of misinterpreting what he needed…I was just plain scared. He was so small."

"Was this always his room?"

I nodded. "It was a nursery at first. The clouds and blue were…Maria's idea. There used to be a rocking chair right over there." I indicated a corner near the window.

"What happened to it?"

I swallowed. After the funeral, I had come up here and sat in that rocking chair. I fell asleep in it, and woke up in it. By the third day, Eli had ventured in and tried to talk me into eating but I wasn't interested.

A week went by, and I had only left the room to piss and grab a bottle of scotch from downstairs. I drank myself silly and woke up with a headache like a mule had kicked me between the eyes.

That was when the rage had started. The rocking chair was the first victim. I had broken it apart with my bare hands, and then kicked at it with my boots until it was splinters and kindling.

I just wanted my little boy back. Hold him one more time; smell that sweet smell from the top of his head. I had loved tucking him in at night. He would giggle as I would tickle him, before tucking the blankets up tight. And always, before I left the room and turned out the light, his sleepy little voice would drift from the darkness to me.

"Night, night, Daddy."

"G'night, son."

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. It was the little things that I missed most. He would never have a first day of kindergarten, or his first visit from the tooth fairy. I wouldn't be teaching him to ride a horse, or how to run the legacy of this ranch.

All those firsts were gone, in the blink of an eye. I could feel that old anger trying to edge itself into me, and I tried to tamp it down.

"Are there anymore pictures of Ben, Edward?"

Clearing my throat, I gestured towards the dresser. "In the top drawer there should be a photo album."

Bella rose from the bed, and went to the dresser. Pulling open the top drawer, she removed a thick blue album. Shutting the drawer quietly, she sat back down next to me.

I looked at the book, not sure if I would be able to go through it with her.

She must have felt my trepidation, her head jerking up and her eyes wide like an animal caught trespassing.

"Is this OK? I don't want to overwhelm you."

Looking into her eyes, and knowing she was my future made it OK. I loved this woman, and I wanted her to know every part of me.

"Yeah. It's fine." My voice sounded like the rattle of the driveway gravel.

Her delicate hands opened the book, and I watched the life of my son flip by in still pictures. His tiny face only minutes after birth, his minute fingers wrapped around mine. I remembered being nearly broken by the trust that was instantly given.

Maria had saved his bracelet and hers from the hospital. They were glued to the page, along with pictures of Ben in his car seat, with a snowy white cap protecting his head. The days and weeks turned over and over, until we arrived at one month. The smiling faces of our little family drifted by, and the prickle in the corner of my eyes started to give way. I got up from the bed, and Bella paused.

"Edward?"

"I'm fine. You can keep going, if you want."

And she did, she took it all in, pausing at some pages a little longer, her eyes studying the faces and events of not just my son's life, but mine too.

All too soon, the amount of pages near the end started to thin, and a final family portrait not quite glued in yet fell to the floor. Maria had insisted on having it taken, had booked a professional photographer to come out to the ranch. It had been a sunny day in July. I remember Ben was really hyper, and Maria had a hard time getting him to sit still for the photo. But eventually he had calmed enough for a couple of snaps.

Bella bent forward to retrieve the photo, and held it in her hands. The corner of her mouth was lifted in a slight smile as she gazed at the photo. I felt slightly embarrassed for her, having to look at my old life. It was almost like Maria and Bella were in the same room. I felt awkwardly caught between the two worlds.

Bella sighed, and replaced the photo at the back of the book. She closed the cover, and stood up. I watched as she tucked it into the drawer. Walking over to me, she took my hand and led me out of the room. The door remained open, and I felt an urge to shut it up again.

As I turned to grab the door knob, Bella stopped me. "Leave it open."

I looked back at her, and then back at the gaping doorway. I fought the urge to pull the door shut, the need for a satisfying slam almost overwhelming. Bella tugged on my hand, and I forced myself to turn away from it.

She led me down the hallway, into the bedroom. Inside, Bella had me sit down on the bed, and she pulled at my boots until my I was staring at my socks. She removed those too, and laid them over my boots. I stood again, and she began to undress me. I let her do it, and watched numbly as cloth moved and glided from my skin. I wanted to help, I should help, but I just felt hollow and empty inside.

When I was down to my boxers, she pulled the covers back and I lay down. The rustle of her clothing followed, but I stared forward as the dying light of the day gave up her ghost to the night time sky.

Bella joined me, her hands pleasantly cool and soothing on my skin. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and I pressed my face against the soft smooth skin under her collarbone. I could smell her perfume, and a smell that was uniquely hers. It was soft and gentle, like a meadow after springtime rains.

My arms came around her, and we held each other like that until we fell asleep. She caressed my face, her fingers tracing over my jaw, touching my cheekbones, and around my ear.

Just before I felt myself sink to the dark oblivion, she whispered to me in the dark.

"Thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome." I whispered back.

Her hand moved into my hair, her fingernails soothing over my scalp. "I love you so much."

+AtWH+

Saturday night was spent at Bella's parents. She had baked a peach cobbler, and I carried it behind her as we stepped over the threshold of her father's house.

I had been doin' a lot of thinking about us. It was time I just asked. I knew times had changed, but I was an old-fashioned country boy. I didn't think it was unfair of me to ask for commitment from Bella. Somehow this situation was totally backwards. Wasn't it the man who was supposed to have commitment issues?

When I had asked Eli his opinion, he had spit on the ground and then cackled at me.

"Boy, your momma was some woman. She beat the sense into ya."

I straightened my shoulders as I carried the dish into the kitchen. Charlie was outside on the deck. Renee greeted me warmly, as always, and I kissed her cheek. She always blushed prettily when I did that and it made me smile, knowing where her daughter had inherited the habit from.

Bella and Renee began their familiar chatter as they moved around the kitchen, and I took that as my cue to leave. I opened the heavy sliding glass door, and found Charlie smoking as he leaned against the deck railing.

"Jesus, close the damn door!" He growled at me.

"I didn't know you smoked, Chief."

He gave me a direct look. "I don't. And if Mrs. Swan asks you, they're yours."

I held my hands up. "Isn't that aiding and abetting, sir?"

He exhaled and ground the butt out. "You challenging an officer of the law?"

"No, sir."

He nodded. "That's what I thought."

I shoved my hands in my pockets, and then decided that looked like I had something to hide. His perceptive eyes caught me and he narrowed them at me.

"Something on your mind?"

I nodded. "There is, actually. Reckon I'll just come out with it." I glanced over my shoulder, and could see Bella and Renee busy in the kitchen.

BPOV

"And so Leah and I were having a great time until the waitress muttered something about how money couldn't buy class-"

Momma gasped. "She did not!"

I chewed the inside of my cheek. "She did. And I just know she was talking about me."

It was silent between us as I washed vegetables for a salad. Momma continued to busy herself at the stove. It started to grow awkward, and I found myself babbling.

"I love him, Momma. Really, really love him. I thought I loved Jake, but this is something totally different. I knew Jake for years, he tugged on my pigtails and taught me how to swim. But with Edward…it's just…I dunno. It's something totally unreal. And I know Edward is trying to give me space, he knows I'm not good at relationship stuff. Everything is so perfect…I don't want to do anything to upset the applecart. And maybe Edward can do better than me..."

My mother sighed and humphed under her breath. "Baby, I think it's time I stick my nose in. I can't hold back any longer."

EPOV

I turned back to the Chief, and saw Bella's eyes looking right back at me.

"I know you weren't happy with Bella moving in with me without some sort of ring on her finger. To tell you the truth, if I thought she would say yes, I would have been standing here talking to you before I asked her to live with me. The thing is, I want to ask her…to marry me. It's driving me crazy. But I'm afraid she's gonna run screamin' in the other direction if she even sees me go down on one knee to check my boots."

Charlie looked at me for a moment and then sighed.

"She's as stubborn as her mother. One's as bad as the other, and once they get an idea into that female brain of theirs, you're more likely to eat coal and shit diamonds before they will change their minds."

I nodded, and he continued.

"You got yourself one helluva pickle there, son."

"Don't I know it."

BPOV

I looked at her. "Momma-"

"Don't you Momma me in that tone, Isabella Marie. If your own mother can't say it to you, then who can?"

I pursed my lips at her but she kept right on going.

"You know as well as I do that your father and I let you live your life how you want. We don't tell you what to do, or who to see. These are modern times, and women aren't tied to specific roles the way they were when I was younger. Granted, this little old town doesn't exactly move with the times, but things have changed."

"Your point?" I sliced a tomato into sections as I waited for her to be right as she always was.

"My point is that nobody in this town can live your life for you. You are the one in the driver's seat. You make the decisions. You decide what's good for you."

"But-"

"Do you love that man?"

"Yes."

"Do you picture having his babies?"

I blushed, feeling the warmth creep over my cheeks to my ears and my hairline. "Yes."

"Well, why do you think he deserves better?"

"Because I'm an idiot, Momma. I don't know how to ask for the things I want in a relationship. I don't know how to find the balance between being vulnerable and being in control. And it freaks me out. I know I can trust him-"

"So what's holding you back? He worships the ground you walk on!"

I shrugged my shoulders as I sliced into the tomato, its insides pouring out onto the cutting board.

"I'm afraid to dive in, I guess."

EPOV

I looked at Charlie as he stroked his mustache, deep in thought.

"You have my blessing. Your word is good, and I remember your father. He was a good man. Your momma was a real sweetheart. And some voice on her. She could really make that Church come alive."

I smiled, remembering my mother singing familiar church hymns every Sunday. I would sit next to my father and watch her as the sun would light the stained glass windows behind her. Sometimes, I imagined she was an angel. She had taught me to play the guitar, and had given me my love for music.

Charlie spoke again, bringing me back to the present. "Bella, she was always headstrong, and she had me wrapped around her little finger from the first moment I held her in my arms. Maybe I let her have her way too much, and she doesn't know any other way. After all that bullshit with the Black kid, she had some of the pride kicked out of her."

Charlie continued talking when suddenly it hit me.

Stubborn and full of pride…shy of men and commitment to them.

Horses were funny creatures. Wild horses even more so. Breaking them until they were too tired to fight was cruel and I'd seen it done before. I had promised myself I would never be the one to break something's spirit just so it obeyed me.

Instead, earning the horse's trust, while it took more time, was far more rewarding. That final pause, where the horse is just as nervous as me before he finally accepts me was one of the reasons why I loved working with horses so much.

Perhaps I needed to be the one to start crossing the gap and take the final steps. Would Bella accept me?

Time to find out.

Thank you for reading.