Seven nights straight of Leena is just the stress release he needs. Night after night, she matches his passion. Afterwards, she rests easy with her head on his chest as he strokes her lekku. How soft and warm she feels. So comforting. He is surrounded by hostile, prickly people even among his own kind. So it feels good to relax. The thought has crossed his mind that he should keep her. Leena is very easy to have around. But he knows that's not possible.
And Malgus being Malgus, he's overthinking things. He can't decide if this past week is the best thing that has ever happened to him or the worst. If this is a fantasy come to life or a slow-paced nightmare unfolding. Darth Malgus is a master strategist who thinks through all the scenarios, but he tends to focus on the worst case. That's how his mind works. He's a worrier by nature. He hides it well, but he's a man who frets. And now, with Leena living in his quarters on the Absolute, he has a whole new set of issues to obsess about.
They are not fooling anyone. If his senior officers haven't figured it out yet, they soon will. Malgus has been a naval man his whole career so he knows that there is no way to hide this affair on his ship. People are curious and they gossip. And so, the select group he interacts with will let the truth leak out eventually. Either that or people will see him and Leena together somewhere or notice Leena's fancy new clothes and put it together. It's a good thing this is ending soon because Malgus has no legitimate justification to keep her around long term. Just keeping Leena on the ship past a short interim period is a telltale sign. His men aren't blind and they're not stupid.
One solution would be to hide Leena in his quarters but he refuses to keep her a captive. Malgus has only ever wanted Leena to be free. He is her Sith Master, not her slave master. And besides, too many people have already seen her onboard. It's too late to stash her away. Plus, the truth has a way of coming out. Deceptions are hard to pull off in the long term.
And, really, the issue isn't so much his crew—Malgus seriously doubts that anyone on the Absolute would risk plotting against Leena. The issue is the Republic and other Sith Lords. For now, his ship is safely located but it won't always be that way. And if this Coruscant invasion idea takes off, the Absolute will be crawling with his rivals. Yes, he decides, it's a good thing this affair will be coming to an end soon. It's safer this way. He and Leena can enjoy each other's company and then go their separate ways like before. He's been clear about that plan from the beginning, even if privately he's not very enthusiastic.
It's not like he hasn't kept a woman before. It's been years, but he's done it from time to time. But those were always impoverished Sith army widows with whom he had an arrangement. It was nothing particularly personal. Those weren't committed relationships. They were a time honored, discreet, quasi-respectable way for a bachelor to get sex with no strings attached. Malgus outgrew the need for that sort of thing years ago, preferring to sublimate those desires into Darkness.
It had worked just fine until, out of the blue, Eleena Daru arrived.
She's not here for his power or his credits or his influence. She makes no demands whatsoever on him. And as far as he can tell, she has no expectations either. This is the furthest thing from the marriage arrangements he is negotiating with Lord Serevin. And it's all so . . . not-Sith. And that's a bit refreshing, to be honest. Leena is all about him for himself. There is something very honest and earnest about her.
And that's why when they discuss the future, Malgus himself is torn. Leena's repeated refusals to leave have worn his shaky resolve down. He has basically agreed to keep her around until he next leaves for Ziost. What's a few more days, he tells himself.
She is nice to have around and it's not merely the sex. It's the company. He can't remember the last time anyone fussed over him. The Sith aren't known for being nurturing. But here is Leena making sure he doesn't fall asleep without his respirator on and rubbing bacta salve into the spot on his shoulder where his heavy armor irritates an old scar. Just this morning, she slipped into the shower behind him and started soaping up his back. All this behind-closed-doors domesticity feels so easy that it is beguiling. He could definitely get used to living like this.
Plus, every time Leena tells him she doesn't care about the danger and that he is worth the risk, Malgus falls a little harder for her. What can he say? He's a Dark Lord and he lives for danger. Hearing Leena volunteer for risk just to be with him is an undeniable turn on. And her firm certainty only makes Malgus want to protect her even more. For there is something about having her believe in him that makes him want to believe in her. Her complete trust in him makes him want to trust her back. This past week has been a seven-day crash course in intimacy and a marathon of sex. Malgus has fallen hard and fallen fast. Part of him never wants it to end. But he's a man who faces facts head on, so he knows their split is coming.
He just didn't expect it to come so soon. But the conversation with Lord Angral changes things fast. Now, there will be no last night together. No tender romantic parting. This will be abrupt and rushed. Everything he didn't want. But maybe that's for the best.
As he finishes donning his armor and turns back to bid Leena goodbye, she starts to balk. He knew she would, and part of him is glad that she does. Enslaved Leena won't stand up for herself about much in life except for this. For them. She won't confront or contradict him about anything but their future together. And that's so completely her. For this is the woman who once told him that love trumps power. Well, maybe in the self-fulfillment seeking Republic it's considered romantic to risk all for love. But a glory-driven plotting Sith like himself can't relate. It's just . . . foolish.
Patiently Malgus talks sense to her sentiment. He's a man who makes decisions with his head and not with his heart. But he's not getting through. It's not that she can't understand this. She's a very smart woman. But Leena stubbornly refuses to accept that this is the end. But maybe she just needs time, he decides.
Time is not something he has right now. So, he walks over to rest his gloved hands on her shoulders. He drops a light kiss on her brow. "Goodbye, Leena," he whispers. "I will miss you far more than you know." Then, he heads for the door before he changes his mind.
"Wait!" Her voice stops him. "Tell me the truth. Is the reason you want me to leave because you are ashamed of me?" Leena asks this in a matter of fact tone of voice. Its stoicism is completely at odds with the terrible look on her face. "This isn't about the war and your enemies. This isn't about your wife. This is about me, right?" A wayward tear leaks out one eye and she furiously brushes it away. "This is because I'm a slave. I'm not good enough, am I?"
And what does he say to that? "Leena—"
"Would things be different if I were human?" she chokes out. "If I were a Sith lady and not a slave?"
Yes. Well, maybe. He dodges the question. The 'what ifs' of this relationship are many and he has lain awake analyzing them all. But that doesn't change the situation. So, Malgus levels with her. "I wish a lot of things were different. But they are not. I cannot offer you a future. I cannot marry you. I cannot give you children or a home." She's getting nothing beneficial out of this relationship as far as he can tell.
"I don't care. Besides, no one marries a slave," she points out the obvious.
"You're not a slave anymore." It frustrates him that Leena doesn't want more for herself. "You deserve better than life as the other woman. You deserve a man who will marry you. Who will honor you. Who will support you—"
"All I need is you," Eleena disavows his argument completely. "All I ask is that you care for me. I don't need a commitment. I know you can't do that." Another tear drips from her eye. "We could bring each other such happiness," she says in a hopeful voice. "I know we could."
He shakes his head. Malgus is his usual blunt self. But not just because that is his nature, but because Leena needs to hear this. "All I will bring you is danger and disappointment. Trust me, it's better this way. I don't like it either," he admits. "In fact, I hate this. I wish you could stay. But that just proves how important it is to end it now before things get out of hand. Already, there are feelings involved . . . " He scowls because he's talking about himself as much as her. This past week has been an amazing mix of intensity and relaxation, of sex and companionship.
"Leena, I am going to marry Serevin's daughter. And that means the longer this goes on, the more you will get hurt in the end. It's better this way."
She is quiet a long moment. Did he succeed in getting through to her? When she next speaks, Leena's face looks like she might burst into tears but her voice is very composed. What she says cuts him to the bone. "It's okay. I understand. I'm a slave and I'm a Twi'lek and I'm not very pretty . . . I'm blue and I'm so big . . . I'm not very attractive and I know it," she rambles on. "I was never the cute girl even when I was young . . ." She's feeling unwanted and rejected and he can relate for reasons she doesn't understand. But he listens as she collects herself. "Gaius, I want you to be honest with me. Don't use fearmongering to let me down easy. If this is just a fling and it's done and you want to move on, that's okay . . . you can say that you don't want me around . . . I've heard a lot worse, my lord."
Fearmongering? Did she say fearmongering? And she's calling him 'my lord' again and that's not good. "Leena—"
She interrupts. None of his officers would dare do that. "It's okay if this was just sex. After a week, you're probably tired of me anyway . . . "
He is cringing inwardly for her as he listens to the insecurities pouring out her mouth. Leena hasn't really heard anything he's said even though they have been over this time and again. All she's heard is the voices in her head telling her how inadequate she is. It's clear that Leena believes that she is the reason he wants her to leave. With sigh, Darth Malgus decides to come completely clean.
He drops his bag and stomps forward into the room. "I'm doing this to protect you. Because I care about you. I don't give a damn what others think about us. There is no shame in being your lover." She looks confused rather than assured, so he continues. "Let me tell you why I worry for your safety. Are you ready for this? Because it's an ugly tale. I killed my Master Darth Vindican years ago. You know that. Well, when the Sith Master dies, either his sons or his Apprentices inherit from him. Vindican's son was dead, so I inherited in his place. I got his wealth, his properties, his allies, his enemies, and his family. His wife and his unmarried daughter became my responsibility. I had fostered with Vindican for years by then. His wife was like a mother to me. His daughter was like a little sister. Neither was happy with my killing Vindican, but in time they came to accept it. And they knew that I regretted it. It was a stupid move in retrospect."
Leena is eyeing him warily now, clearly wondering where his story is headed. "This doesn't end well, does it?"
"No, it doesn't," Malgus vents out loud. "I was a young man then. Brash and full of ambition. Willing to flout convention and challenge authority. I was far less tempered then than I am now. There is a foolishness to youth that seems like courage at the time. Looking back, I see that I was flush with my new war hero status from Korriban." He shakes his head as he remembers the mistakes of the past. "Hubris is the vice of many a Sith. But I learned my lesson the hard way."
Malgus makes a face as he recalls the ill-fated plot. "I knew my background would be an impediment to my success and so I set out to marry well. No good family would have me, of course. It wasn't just because of my low origins, it was because I killed Vindican, too. But I didn't let that stop me. I plotted to romance a daughter of a very well-connected clan. She was much indulged, not unlike Lady Cassis. I thought that perhaps if she were to argue hard for the match, she might succeed in convincing her family where I had failed. I was trying to recruit her as an ally to my cause."
"Did it work?"
"No. I got caught attempting to seduce the daughter over her family's objections. That is not acceptable behavior among the Sith," he explains bitterly. If there is anything the tribal Sith take seriously, it is sex and marriage. For the Sith prize power above all. And power comes from the Force that is usually inherited and from political connections that are the work of generations of scheming and advancement. "Leena, you don't kiss a highborn Sith virgin and get away with it. She was from a proud family that took great offense. They worried I had ruined their daughter's prospects and they considered my actions an insult."
"What happened?" Leena cuts to the chase.
"The family got their revenge. It was an old-fashioned honor killing, Sith-style. A lightsaber through the neck."
"They killed their own daughter?" Leena is horrified.
"No. They killed Vindican's daughter. My de facto sister." He looks away now. "She was my responsibility to protect. I failed."
"Oh," Leena says in a small voice.
"My sister had nothing to do with the situation. She was just an instrument of revenge. My enemies killed her to punish me. I had sullied the young girl of their family, so they killed the young girl in mine."
"Oh, Gaius, I'm so sorry—"
"This is how the Sith operate, Leena!" His voice is vehement, brutal honesty. "When you get to my level of achievement in the Force and at war, rarely will a rival strike at me directly. Instead, they focus their revenge on things and on people they perceive me to value." He gives her a pointed look now. "You would be a perfect target. Easy for a Force-user to kill and without anyone to avenge your death other than me."
"You're trying to scare me, aren't you?" Leena frowns.
Recounting this sad story of his long-ago mistake has made Malgus upset. He gives vent to his anger now, feeling his eyes flash yellow in the moment. He also raises his voice, which he never does. "Do not accuse me of fearmongering! The risks you would face from my enemies are real! You are unwise to discount them!" He feels miserable now as he shouts at her. "We Sith do not live by conventional morality and we do not have your Republic concepts of justice. Our world is not organized around right and wrong and good and bad. It is organized around power. Power from the Force and power from the hundred or so leading families that matter. I did not make these rules, but I am trying to succeed within their framework. And everywhere I turn, there are people trying to thwart me. Those people might hurt you!"
He looks away now, thoroughly frustrated. The heat of his anger is spent and he is back to bitterness. It provokes more honesty. "It's not that I don't want you—I'm crazy for you! I've been obsessed with you since that night on the station. Leena, I had been dreaming about you for weeks before Ziost. Missing you. And then when we got word of the invasion, I was desperate to find you but I had to do my duty first. As soon as I could, I came for you. But it was too late and the Republic had already picked you up and they were hurting you."
He sighs and wipes a hand across his sweating forehead. "This—this moment now is why I wanted a clean break after that first night!" he rages. He's as angry with himself as he is with her. He should never have allowed this situation to develop. "Because even back at the station I knew you were something special and that if we spent too much time together I would grow attached to you. All along, I knew we would be great together in and out of bed," he complains like it's a bad thing. "I knew this would happen . . . I knew that I could not resist your temptation . . . I wish things were different but they're not . . . "
He's got his composure back now. Something about this woman provokes him to give into temptations—whether they be sex, compassion, or anger. This unassuming woman throws him off his game the way no powerful Sith Lord adversary ever could. And when the mask of indifference slips, the real man shows. "All I can do now is to try to help you. Because you are so much more than just a slave. And because in the eyes of many I might as well be you."
She shoots him a resentful look. "Your life is nothing like a slave."
"Do you want to know my real background?" he challenges. "I'm not actually a random Force user like everyone thinks. They occur now and then in all species, but I'm not one of them. I inherited the Force."
"Does that matter?"
"Yes. I was adopted by a zookeeper and raised as his son. But in reality, I am the illegitimate offspring of some anonymous highborn human Sith lady and her unnamed Dark Lord lover."
"Oh," she blinks. And why is he telling Leena this? Maybe because she understands what is to feel cheated out of a better life by the circumstances of your birth.
He sums it up bluntly now: "I'm a bastard. Unacknowledged and unwanted."
"Oh." She thinks a moment. "I'm surprised you were ever born."
"I've wondered that myself. I don't know the circumstances."
"Do you know who your real parents are?"
"I have some theories. But I don't really know. I'm not sure it matters anyway. Knowing the truth wouldn't change things. If this became public, it would only give people another reason to look down on me." He shoots her an understanding look. "We are a pair of misfits. The runaway Republic slave and the bastard Sith son. Neither of us belong in the life we were born into."
"I'm sorry," she tells him with compassion shining in her eyes.
He shrugs. He accepted this about his life many years ago. But still . . . it stings. "Accident of birth makes one man a prince and another a peasant. Life isn't fair. That's why I am excluded and shunned by the very class of people I should have every right to belong to," he complains bitterly. Then, he looks pointedly at Leena. "I don't care that you were a slave. You are so much more than that." Does she believe him? He thinks she does. He says it again. "I don't care that you were a slave."
"But other people do," she responds with simple wisdom. "Just like other people would care about your background if they knew." Her eyes are still teary and red as she promises, "Gaius, your secret is safe with me."
He nods. And now, for the life of him, he can't remember why he thought it was a good idea to get on this topic. It's just that with Leena it's so easy to unburden himself.
She gives him a weak, rueful smile now. "Look at us. Illicit affairs seem to run in your family," she makes an attempt at a joke. And while neither of them is laughing, it does take some of the tension from the room.
"I didn't intend to tell you all that. But I want you to understand why you need to leave. Leena, I care for you too much to sacrifice you to my enemies. Already, I have lost a sister to my ambitions."
"Why does the Emperor permit his Lords to fight among themselves?" she asks. She's trying to understand. "Isn't that counterproductive?"
Yes, it is. But Malgus strongly suspects that Emperor Vitiate likes it that way. "The Sith . . . well, the Sith are the Sith," he gripes. "We are so caught up in our own infighting and petty one-upmanship that we focus more effort on tearing down each other than we do on defeating our enemies. The revenge of the Sith ought to be focused on the Jedi and the Republic. But instead, it's focused mostly on ourselves." Malgus scowls and adds, "A lot of it is focused on me." He grumbles under his breath, "Upstart me."
"So . . . " Leena hesitates briefly and then starts again. "So . . . fuck them! Fuck them all!" Leena's language and sentiment make him blink. Here she is asserting herself again unexpectedly. "Let's be happy," she declares with a determined look. "For as long as we can."
It's so naïve. "It's not that simple—"
"Yes, it is," Leena persists. "Happiness is the best revenge those haters can ever face."
"That's so trite—"
"No, it's not!" she overrides him again, looking more and more fierce by the moment. This is the look of the woman who emptied an entire plasma cartridge into a Jedi. "Gaius, your job is power. You go get all the power you can to protect yourself and me. Follow where your ambitions lead and keep going. If that means marrying Lady Cassis, then that's fine by me. Go get all the glory and influence you have ever wanted. Leave the happiness to me. That's my job. I will make you happy. Here on your ship we will create our own life and live by our own rules and be happy together for as long as we can. And whatever happens, happens. I will accept the risks."
It's a bold, rebellious speech that finishes in a long moment of silence. Her rapid-fire words seem to hang in the air.
She looks as shocked as he is. And he's not so much shocked by her substance, as by her style. Here again is a peek into the strength that lies beneath her demure veneer.
Her vehemence is spent. Suddenly, Leena is red faced and self-conscious. Her eyes find the floor. "I have overstepped," she mumbles miserably. "Forgive me, my lord."
He raises both eyebrows and nods. "You keep surprising me." With this woman, he will never be bored, that's for sure. And she's wearing him down, he knows.
"I am sorry, my lord, for that outburst."
He's not. 'Fuck them all' are words to live by, as far as he is concerned. As usual, Leena gets him like no one else does. And the thrust of her diatribe gets right to the core of what's missing in his life: she's on his side and she has his back. She is enthusiastically volunteering to play the helpmate role that Lady Cassis disdains. It's really too bad he can't marry Eleena Daru, he thinks.
"You are the one who gives the orders around here, my lord. I will remember that," she says contritely. Like she is fearing a reprisal. And recalling the first time he met her, Malgus understands her posture. Barrabas would have punched her for that rant.
"Oh, Leena, stop groveling. I hate that. I like it when you speak your mind and say what you want. You should do it more often," he encourages. And now, he is loath to countermand her determined spirit. Suddenly, he is working counter to his own purposes. But, well, for selfish reasons Malgus wouldn't mind keeping Leena around, if only for her spectacular pep talks.
After a moment of deliberation, he sighs and gives in. "So I guess this means you're not leaving." After this heated argument and his revelations about the past, Leena looks more determined than ever to stay. And since she had the courage to confront him and she now knows the risks, refusing to accept her decision will rob her of agency. Every moment of self-assertion by this slave woman is a step forward. It makes him proud of her. So perhaps his well-intentioned paternalism is the wrong move here. It will undercut Leena if he overrides her and simply sends her away.
For her part, Leena digs in and stubbornly vows, "I will be here when you return."
Malgus smothers a grin at her moxy. Because now more than ever he wants her to stay. But is she really up for this? "You know how to contact Jose," he tells her as he walks back to the door to grab for his bag. "If you change your mind and you want to go to the station, he will come pick you up. Anytime. No questions asked."
"Okay." She is noncommittal.
"You should think about this more when I'm gone. When you are not making an emotional decision. You should decide with your head and not with your heart." Yet again, Malgus feels the need to be very upfront. "There's not enough of me to go around. I have a wartime command and I will be gone for weeks at a time. Eventually, I am going to marry Lady Cassis. I may even take an Apprentice. That will leave very little time for you."
"I understand." Leena is so accepting. Well, she is accepting . . . until she isn't. This is a woman who knows her mind but rarely speaks it. She spoke it once to a Jedi and let her gun do the talking. Her body speaks it nightly to him in a haze of passion. And she has been speaking her refusal to leave aloud with quiet stubbornness for the past few days. In fits and starts, Malgus realizes, Leena is muddling forward into confidence.
Well, she's going to need plenty of confidence. Because if they are going to do this, Darth Malgus is not planning to hide anything. His crew will just have to deal with it. Hopefully, they will be loyal to their commander and his alien lady. But who knows?
"If you are still here when I return, we will be open and notorious on my ship," he decides.
She looks alarmed. "What does that mean exactly?"
"It means I want you to be waiting for me in your finery when my shuttle arrives."
And that seems far too bold to Leena. She is concerned. "Gaius, we aren't fooling anyone now as is. But if I show up to meet your shuttle, it will be completely obvious."
"That's the point." He is undeterred. Darth Malgus hasn't cared what anyone thinks for a long, long time. "You said it yourself-this is my ship. Here, I can do what I want. To keep the gossip and the speculation to a minimum, we will just put you out in public and act like it's no big deal. The crew can deal with it. It will be like the dogs and the garden—just another Malgus eccentricity. The crew will talk for a few days and then move on to something else." Well, hopefully. He looks her in the eye now. "I am not ashamed of you." He will not treat her like a sordid secret for which he fears ridicule. "But when other Sith Lords show up," he warns her, "I insist that you hide away for safety."
"Okay. I guess." She looks unconvinced.
"I mean it. I expect to return to find you in your fanciest dress as the unofficial queen of my ship," he commands. "If you can't do that, then you should leave. Think it over," he instructs. "I'll understand if you decide you don't want this. You will be taking an awful risk."
"I understand."
"Do you?" he challenges. She nods. "It's settled then," he decides. "I'm off to war."
"Wait!" she forestalls him. Leena runs to his arms to pull him down for a thorough kiss. "Come back to me. I will be here waiting," she promises when they part.
Malgus grunts. "Never fear. It's hard to kill a Sith." Then he grins and whispers mischievously under his breath, "Fuck them all, right?"
"Right," she echoes.
He departs to head for the hangar bay for his shuttle that has been waiting on him for half an hour now. As he hikes up the ramp, Malgus wonders whether he just lost the battle but won the war with Leena. Or was it vice versa? Only time will tell.