Dearly Beloved

Chapter 25

Three days later Lou and Beth were making the final alterations to Charlie's wedding gown. The dress, which had once been Lou's, had been meticulously modified by Beth to fit Charlie's slightly larger frame until it was perfect. All that was left was the hem which had to be lowered.

"Charlie, for the last time will you stand still?" Lou sighed in exasperation as she and Beth pinned the bottom of the wedding gown. "If you don't this will be all crooked."

Charlie stamped her feet in frustration and to keep the blood circulating. As excited as she was to be wearing her mother's wedding dress the fittings and alterations were trying her patience.

"I'm finished," Beth said from the opposite side of the dress Lou was working on.

Charlie glanced down at her with a measure of distrust, peering to make sure she had done the pinning properly.

"Charlie! Stand still!" Lou commanded.

"Mama, please…"

"Right, I'm finished too. Was that so hard?"

"Honestly? Yes."

"Oh, hush up." Lou stood back and admired the gown on her daughter. "You look beautiful."

Charlie beamed proudly. She had always loved her mother's dress, and couldn't believe she was actually going to wear it for her own wedding.

"Don't you think so, Beth?" Lou gushed, feeling a little overwhelmed with emotion.

Beth glanced up from her sewing basket and forced a smile on her face to replace the worry and despondency she felt. "Very beautiful."

Lou's small hands covered her mouth as she smiled, but then she got back to business. "Right, go on upstairs and change. Ben will be here for supper soon. Beth, can you help her so she doesn't tear anything?"

"I don't need any help," Charlie said automatically, stopping Beth from following her. She stomped up the stairs alone.

"That girl." Lou shook her head. "The sooner she gets over these weddin' nerves the better."

"Are you sure that's it?" Beth asked quietly, wondering if Charlie had said anything to her mother about what she'd seen at the dance. So far Lou had treated her no differently, but Beth couldn't be sure.

"Of course. I was exactly the same. I made everyone's life a misery right before my weddin', especially Kid's."

"I didn't have a chance to be nervous. Adam was so busy with his final examinations and Grandfather– " Beth stopped herself, frowning.

Lou gave her a sympathetic look, knowing it must be hard for her to participate in Charlie's wedding and all the preparations. "Yours was a lovely weddin'."

Beth smiled sadly at the remembrance. "Yes, it was. It seems like such a long time ago."

She busied herself with packing up the rest of her pins, thinking about how best to talk to Lou about what was on her mind. It seemed like a perfect opportunity so she forced herself to speak before she lost her courage.

"I've been thinking about that time quite a bit lately… the last time I was in St. Louis. I was thinking about how Hannah hasn't met my brother or my grandfather, and that maybe it's time I went home... for a visit."

Lou stilled her hands which had been gathering up her own sewing basket. "Oh?" she replied noncommittally.

"Rudy sent me a letter last week. You know Claire, my sister-in-law, is having her first baby soon. It sounds like she needs an extra pair of hands and I thought it would be a perfect time for them to meet Hannah. I could help out when the baby comes."

Lou knew she should not have been surprised, that Beth wanting to go home for a visit was perfectly natural. But she felt an immediate pang of sadness when she thought about Hannah not being at the ranch for any length of time, Beth too. They were part of the family.

"When do you think you might go?"

"Not until after the wedding, of course," Beth replied quickly. "But once Ben and Charlie are married…"

"'Once Charlie and Ben are married' what?" Charlie asked as she reentered the room, still wearing the wedding gown. The buttons that ran down the back of the dress had proved difficult to undo by herself.

"Here, let me help you with those," Beth said instead, moving towards Charlie.

She took a step back, fixing her with an unwavering stare. "What are you two talking about?"

Beth hesitated a moment before answering. "I was just telling your mother that I'm going home to St. Louis. To visit my family."

"For how long?" Charlie demanded, throwing Lou a worried glance.

"I'm not sure."

"It's an awful long train ride with a baby," Lou mused.

"We'll be fine."

"Maybe you'd be better off goin' when Hannah's a little older."

"This is something I need to do now," Beth said quietly, but with a level of determination that made Lou's heart sink. "Come on, Charlie, I'll help you with the dress."

Charlie followed her silently from the room. Once they had reached Charlie's bedroom Beth made light work of the buttons and carefully laid the dress out on the bed while Charlie dressed quickly into a blouse and skirt. Beth had been receiving the silent treatment from her sister-in-law since the dance and was quite happy to avoid talking to her about what happened. She was grateful that Charlie had not told anyone else, even if she was making Jamie's life a misery and Lou was sure to ask some time about what was bothering her so much.

Beth avoided her gaze as she smoothed the dress and went to leave. Charlie's hand on her arm stopped her.

"Are you really going away?" she asked softly and with none of the venom Beth was expecting.

"I'm just going home for a visit," Beth replied, but she couldn't look Charlie in the eye.

"Is this because of me? I was just shocked is all…"

"Charlie, this has nothing to do with you, honestly," Beth stated firmly.

Charlie didn't seem to believe her. "It's Jamie I'm mad at, he never should have done that."

Beth turned away quickly. "Please, I don't want to talk about it."

"It doesn't mean you have to go away. He's left you alone since then, hasn't he? He's stayed away."

"It's not that simple."

"But you and Hannah belong here. Especially now…" Charlie paused as a hint of uncertainty entered her voice. "Who am I supposed to talk to you about everything? Who's going to help me so I don't make a fool of myself?"

Beth turned back to face her, blinking away the tears in her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I'm getting married in a week."

"Oh." Beth's face softened as she took a deep breath. "I thought your mother would have spoken to you about that."

"We've had that conversation," Charlie said. "But everything else, running my own house, taking care of Ben… Not living here any more. It's not that I don't love Ben, I do… It's just… I'm used to being here. I won't see everyone every day."

Beth smiled affectionately as she took Charlie's hands in hers. "The family will be right here if you need anything. There's no need to be afraid."

"But you won't be here!" Charlie said urgently, gripping Beth's hands as she struggled with her words. "You're supposed to be here..."

Beth hugged her sister-in-law. "Charlotte, you are strong and brave and you will make a wonderful wife. You don't need me."

Charlie hugged her back tightly, refusing to let go. "I'm sorry I was mean."

Beth stepped back, cradling her face in her hands as a tear slipped down Charlie's cheek. "This isn't your fault. But this is what I have to do, do you understand?"

Charlie nodded pitifully. Beth wiped her cheek and then left the room before she broke down herself.

It did not take long for the others to find out about Beth's plans. Ethan and Jake were vocal in their disappointment that she was leaving, but Lou stopped their loud protests before Beth heard them. She was determined to support Beth in her decision, even if she disagreed with it herself. Lou had not forgotten that Beth had stayed in Sweetwater after Adam's death, isolating herself from her own family. It was only natural she wanted to see them, and wanted them to know Hannah. What concerned her most was the open-endedness of the visit – Beth had not yet told them when she would be back.

Beth was grateful that there were no further confrontations about her plans. No one was happy about it but they seemed to understand. She had even started packing her trunk the next day when her bedroom door flew open and Jamie strode into the room. Beth dropped the clothes she was holding.

"What are you doing in here? Get out!" she hissed, afraid to raise her voice further with Lou downstairs.

She had not seen or spoken to Jamie since the dance. He had been avoiding her, and Charlie, after his sister had berated him for a good deal of time over what she had witnessed. He didn't know what else to do but stay away, too afraid of how Beth might react to his admission of his true feelings, even if the words were still unspoken. But now that his mother had told him what she was planning, he found it difficult to stay quiet.

"Is it true?" Jamie snapped, clearly upset. He looked at the open trunk and his expression darkened further.

Beth turned away and closed the lid, as good an excuse as any to avoid looking at him.

"Are you leaving?" Jamie persisted, stepping closer.

"I'm going home to visit my family."

"You can't do that."

Anger burned within her and she whirled around to face him. "You don't get to decide that."

Jamie sighed in frustration, regretting his choice of words. "What I mean is, you don't have to."

"Yes, I do." Beth moved over to the dresser to sort through more clothes.

Jamie stood in the middle of the room, quickly losing any sense of rational reasoning to convince her to stay.

"If it's about what happened the other night…"

Beth slammed the dresser drawer shut, cutting him off.

"Beth, I'm sorry… It was my fault, I never should have kissed you."

"Don't!" she snapped, lowering her own voice in the hopes he would too. She never wanted Lou and Kid and the boys to find out.

Jamie let out an exasperated breath. "I said I was sorry! It won't happen again."

"No it won't, because I'll be in St. Louis," she said coldly.

It felt like a slap. Jamie swallowed hard, forcing deep down the despair he felt at her words. "When are you coming back?" he asked quietly.

She held a few garments against her chest, realizing they were dresses of Hannah's. Beth knew it was not just her leaving that upset them, all of them would miss her daughter, especially Jamie.

"I haven't decided yet," she replied.

"You are coming back, aren't you?"

Jamie's soulful gaze burned into hers, as if he somehow knew her thoughts. She hated that he could do that, how he could make her feel helpless and uncertain, when she knew what she had to do.

"I don't know," she whispered, lowering her eyes to avoid the look of betrayal that had appeared in his.

She expected him to argue with her, to retort angrily that she didn't need to stay away because he didn't care about her at all, that everything had been a huge mistake. But instead he ducked his head in apparent defeat, and left the room without another word to her. Beth jumped slightly when the door clicked firmly shut, leaving her feeling as empty as the room. She covered her face with her hands as she sobbed.