konnichi wa minna! gomen! i got myself in some stuff sorry for the late update. anyway...hehe..put on your helmets and seat belts.^^ THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS. I LOVE YOU ALL^^ sorry for this long chapter. it felt so long before i knew it i reached this number of words.^^
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"Who's broken hearted?" Hic. Hic. "No one's broken hearted right? It's just...me..."
At the far corner of a bar counter, a man young enough to be mistaken as a high school student was sitting. His cheek kissing the surface of a dark, smooth mahogany. His eyes were swollen. His cheeks puffy. His hair messy. His form pathetic.
Before him were two empty bottles of something he couldn't even pronounce and yet he chugged them down mercilessly. He wanted to feel that drowning sensation he heard from people when they drink. And yet, they only filled his stomach but his chest was as empty as the bottles before him.
"So after sex, I'm not good enough anymore?" Misaki smiled questioningly at the man busy with other customers.
Through Misaki's green eyes, the reddish hues of the bar's lightings could be seen. The smokey atmosphere was seeping into his clothes, hair and into his lungs. Quiet conversations of people in suits, in outrageous clothings, in unknown faces whirled around the teen's head they all looked funny to Misaki.
Sin, lust, desire and money was reeking into every corners of the hole Misaki found himself into.
"I knew it, I shouldn't have listened to you. Is this really your friend?" The man at the counter asked with a frown. His hair up to his shoulders was tied in a low ponytail. The white apron on his waist looked so natural on him as he mixed drinks according to his patrons wishes.
Io glanced at the already piece of drunken mess and smiled sweetly at the guy. "Of course. Though he doesn't look the part, does he?"
Tracing the rim of his glass with his slender fingers sensually, Io watched Misaki with enjoyment as the other teen drowned himself in misery.
"Ne, am I an S?" Io asked, his head propped to one of his hands on the smooth, wooden surface, watching Misaki cry silently at the corner.
"Huh?" the man muttered in disbelief. "Io, what's gotten into you?"
He tucked his hair behind his ear and patted the coughing, choking Misaki on the shoulders. Io and Misaki were just sitting with one tall, stool apart, Io could reach the other teen without any effort.
"I wonder why, looking at this guy crying amuses me," Io muttered, running his hand on Misaki's shaking back.
"You're nuts Io."
"Well, I guess I am a devil in angel's clothing?" Io grinned as he focused his own attention to his drink. Savouring the heat of his drink as it made its way down his throat.
Io and Misaki met by a grave coincidence that afternoon. After his short vacation in New York, Io decided to visit a friend who owns a bar in the midst of the entertainment district in Shibuya. Wearing a levi's denim cap and dark sunglasses to hide his face, Io walked on the busy streets as if he was walking in the catwalk.
At first, Io thought he was just seeing things when he noticed a brunette walk like he was out of his mind. Misaki almost caused a traffic jam when he stopped in the middle of the crowded road and a man riding a bicycle halted to avoid hitting him and instead he crashed against a light post.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Misaki apologized, bowing deeply in embarrassment.
"Mou, if you wanted to die, do it somewhere else!" the man riding the bicycle shouted as he gathered his poor bike.
Smirking at the turn of events, Io poked Misaki by the ribs which almost made Misaki shriek in surprise.
"I-Io?" Misaki exclaimed, his eyes wide, his face pale. His grip on his bag tightening.
Chuckling confidently, Io tugged his sunglasses a little lower to his nose, revealing his own green hues. "You look like you've seen a ghost...stop that."
"I am just surprised to see you..."
"Eh...when I left you looked awful. And when I came back, you look three times more awful." Though I know perfectly why you're the mess you are right now...Io thought to himself.
In Io's eyes, Misaki was about to cry any minute. The cursings of the drivers, and the piercing glances of the onlookers must have been taking its toll on Misaki. He eyed Misaki from head to foot. His ex-shadow singer looked like he had been walking aimlessly around with his dirty sneakers and unkept hair.
"Hey, want to drink with me?"
Pure and innocent Misaki looked at Io like he was invited to commit a crime. It made Io grunt in annoyance.
"Tsk. You look like you could use some alcohol."
"But-"
"Come on. This is the celebration of Io coming back to your life. Aren't you glad?"
Not allowing Misaki to counter or refuse, Io pulled Misaki's sling bag like he was handling a dog leash. The two walked into the maze of establishments and finally reached the bar Io was talking about.
If Io who was a regular and a close friend of the owner wasn't present, Misaki wouldn't be able to drink there, much less set foot inside it. The legal drinking age was 20 and the two clearly looked like they were still minors.
"Aww...this is a friend. He's too innocent...or ignorant I feel sorry for him. Give him the best in the house," Io chirped merrily removing both his cap and sunglasses.
"No...Io...I really don't think I should drink..." Misaki refused, ignoring the spicy words Io was spouting. He was already too used to them to get riled up with it.
Pushing a glass and the first bottle of some foreign drink, Io flashed his smile that sent some onlookers excited. The vixen was back to play in town.
"You'll like it. If you're worrying because you're broke, it's on my tab."
Though Misaki was halfhearted about it, he really did want to forget. Even for just a moment. Forget his Usagi-san leaving him. Forget the him whose luck seemed to be cursed.
The way the droplets of water that ran down the body of the glass full of ice was inviting. Even the soft chime-like sound the ice made when he held the glass was hypnotizing. As if they were calling out to Misaki.
The teen gulped. He just realized how parched he was. How his throat was dying for refreshment. He was so thirsty. Thirsty for many other things and the glass and the bottle seemed so appetizing. And so, with shaking fingers, he poured himself one. Two. Three. Until he could no longer remember the times he had chugged down the contents of his glass.
"Shouldn't you be stopping your friend?" the man asked raising a brow at glassy eyed Misaki staring into space.
"Just let him be. Let him experience how painful a hang over is. If he couldn't handle different kinds of pain, he'll remain as pathetic."
There was a faint laughter from the owner. "Uwah-such a scary friend you are. Did this poor guy steal something from you? Is this some revenge?"
Io eyed Misaki with bored eyes when the latter started coughing from his silent cry. Face hidden by the shadows, he patted Misaki's back gently, and brushed off the owner's question by laughing.
"I started to cry...and the whole world start laughing..."
"Shit," Ijuuin hissed and right away his fingers darted to his FM radio and turned it off. "What a damned song..."
He'd been circling evening Tokyo in his Lexus after hearing a mouthful from his friend and secretary Fuji. Sure Fuji was his secretary but the man was as upset like a mother having her child not join something she wanted. Fuji couldn't understand what on Earth Ijuuin was thinking saying his representative would come if the wind pushes the person he wanted to him.
"What's wrong with me?" Ijuuin muttered into the silence of his car. Stealing a glance at the rearview mirror, Ijuuin sighed. "I'm looking for something I don't know. And when I saw it, couldn't even reach it."
"Damn composing. Damn Sonate. Damn work," Ijuuin paused and couldn't believe it as he hit his steering wheel. "Damn car. Shit."
In the middle of nowhere, Ijuuin's car died on him. The first time it happened to him. Surely his luck was as cursed as somebody else's. With the worst mood he could ever had, with the grimmest face he could pull off, he went out of his car and slammed the door shut with all his might.
The man who was trying to bottle everything inside him behind dazzling smiles blended into the night.
Io looked around. The smile on his face gone. He was sure Misaki was still glued on that high stool when he left him to answer a call.
But no matter how hard he fixed his eyes at the spot, the farthest corner of the bar counter was screaming empty.
"Oi, where's the drunkard sitting over here?" Io asked the owner with an unusual calm face.
"Huh?" the owner looked at him with a frown. "He followed you right after you left."
"Followed...me?"
"Yes..." the man answered looking a little worried.
Io threw his cap on the counter top in irritation. "That piece of work..."
"WHERE ON PLANET EARTH ARE YOU?!" Io screamed at the top of his lungs to his phone.
Io's fine brown hair was plastered on his forehead by the sweat from running around the crowded streets. He badly wanted to remove his sunglasses but he couldn't. It would cause more problem if Io, the one who was supposed to be studying in America, rumored to have made a teen star pregnant was suddenly in the middle of the entertainment district of Tokyo looking for a drunkard.
"Ah...Io...sorry...I feel better now...I decided to go home," the other line answered.
The voice sounded so calm and sobber Io almost believed it.
"Ah but I felt like playing hide and seek. I'll hide so no one could see me forever. Hahaha."
"THE HELL? TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE!"
Whirling around like he was lost, Io kept on searching behind the dark glasses. The night was chilly, the red leaves fluttering, the people, unaware of what was happening.
"Io. Why are you so suddenly concerned?" Misaki said breaking the long silence. "You were always bossing me around. Yanking me every now and then and always shoved to my face you're better. Stop acting like you care for me."
The words of drunkard Misaki rendered Io speechless and motionless altogether. His lips slowly curled into a meaningful smile. "You fool. If only you could blurt out things without being drunk."
Turning around, Io felt almost falling towards the ground. His sunglasses fell on the pavement, his phone dropping with a thud. Pinching his nose that he felt like smashed, Io glared upwards. He thought he slammed to a wall. But he just slammed to another human being looking senseless.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" he shouted as he was picking up his phone.
The man looked down at the glaring kid before him, snorted and continued walking away.
"Hoi!" Io screamed, forgetting that his disguise wasn't there anymore.
"Ne...ne...doesn't that guy there looks so similar to Io?" a girl whispered.
"Eh...right...right...but shouldn't he be..."
Like bees whose colony was interrupted, they started buzzing and before Io knew it, a lot has already gathered around him. Grunting, cursing everyone under his breath, Io used his hand to hide his face as he tried to get away.
"So much for looking for that bastard..."
With no choice but the retreat, Io ducked under the teenage girls gathering around him. He hailed a taxi and fled into the night.
Ijuuin stopped from his tracks and turned at the swarm of chattering girls for a while. The name they were murmuring sounded familiar. But he was too warped up with his own concerns that the kid slamming into him and the name "Io" instantly disappeared in his mind.
"That's why I am telling you send a tow service. The car died on me. I don't know why," Ijuuin muttered like he couldn't care less as he went deeper into the public park. The deeper he went, the less people he saw.
"You sure are a pain. That car, you just got it recently right?"
Laughing it off, Ijuun brushed his hair off his face and looked at the trees on fire despite the dark night. He never really liked autumn, but the fiery red made him somehow alive for some reason. "I seriously don't know. Maybe it died on me so I can appreciate an autumn view."
"Being so poetic tonight?" the other line muttered. Both of them seemed to have calmed down from their previous heated argument about Sonate that they were back to normal once again. "Maybe you are the one being pushed...no, dragged is more like it... by the wind..."
Hanging up, the dark haired man sighed. "Then bring me to somewhere interesting if I were really being dragged..."
Sniff.
"Huh?"
There was a rustle of paper, and a sound of someone sniffing somewhere around Ijuuin. When he looked around, it was only trees in his vision. A few people walking from afar. And insects dancing around the light of the lamp posts near him.
"I am not being hunted in this kind of place, am I?" he said aloud, joking to himself. There was a sign saying that that part was under renovation and people weren't allowed in that part of the park. Aside from being dark, the excavated holes were still open. They were utterly visible in the morning but at night, they were as if not there at all.
Sniff.
"Hello?" he called, ducking under the wooded railings and feeling the place. It was just stupid not to put more lightings to a place being renovated at night. But other than that, Ijuuin thought nothing was wrong.
He kept on walking, hearing the leaves crunching under his feet. Felt the chilly air blow on his face. Deep within him, there was an excitement building up in him. The feeling of searching for a wild animal was slowly creeping inside his chest.
And then it happened. One moment he was walking on his two feet. The next moment he was slumped on the ground, stomach first.
"Argh, what the hell was that?" the man grunted. He remembered his foot hitting a lump or something, and it caused him to fall on his face on an uneven ground.
"It hurts..."
Ijuuin looked under him, but it was only a blur as the darkness was everywhere. That was the time he realized the moving under him. The uncomfortable voice heaving under his weight. The soft flesh grazing against his clothes.
Moving swiftly away from the squirming body, Ijuuin took out his phone and raised it above the thing he fell onto. When he saw the body on the ground, Misaki's half closed eyes at him, as if pleading, talking and questioning at the same time, he felt his heart beat increase in an alarming manner.
"Takahashi-kun? What on Earth are you doing in this kind of place?!" Ijuuin half shouted, half scolded. Truthfully, Ijuuin didn't know what he should feel. He was annoyed and relieved at the same time.
"Hey...stand up..." Ijuuin started pulling Misaki on his feet. "You reek of alcohol!" he commented trying to straighten up the wobbling teen.
"I know this voice..." Misaki whispered. "Ijuuin-san, right? Sorry...sorry..." he tried bowing. "But why do you appear at times like this?" and Misaki started laughing an unhappy one.
Ijuuin was too tall for Misaki. He couldn't possibly let the boy cling to him for support as they walk. And so, with no other choice, Ijuuin pulled Misaki's both arms over his shoulders and carried him in a back ride.
The act was already enough to gather attention from the people resting in the park. But they brushed it as an older brother taking home his drunkard younger sibling.
"You're choking me you know?" Ijuuin muttered softly. He felt the arms around his neck tighten and at the same time felt something wet against his neck. It was cold, and it dripped from his nape to his polo.
"Let's buy some scotch tape..."
"Ha? What are you gonna use the tape for?" Ijuuin grunted as he steadied the teen on his back.
Ah...shit...he's totally wasted...
"I've apologized already..." Misaki muttered in a voice Ijuuin could only hear. "I've said so many times...why are they not enough?"
Silent as the trees watching them leave their sanctuary, Ijuuin listened to Misaki's nonsense with patience and with understanding. Sighing here and there everytime he felt Misaki squeezing his breath out of him or when he could feel the warm breath against his ear. He ignored them all. He seriously wanted to be an adult about this. But Misaki was making it hard for him.
"Why is everything so hard?" Misaki's voice sounded so tired. Sounded like he was near his breaking point.
Raising his hand to get a cab when they finally reached the streets, Ijuuin replied for the first time.
"Isn't life always like that?"
"I'm really sorry for the trouble, Maki-san..."
"No...it's fine. I am glad to be of help to your friend Ijuuin-sama. His clothes, I'll send them to the cleaners. Please Rest now."
"Thanks."
Ijuuin watched the old woman leave his complex. Maki-san was the old lady the looked after his house the whole time he was abroad. She went by to bring food, clean and tend to the little garden Ijuui started but eventually neglected.
"Thank god she's there..." Ijuuin sighed as he wiped his hair dry with a towel.
On the way to Ijuuin's house, Misaki started vomiting all over the place. On the car seat, on him self and on him. The smell wasn't really nice, and it made Ijuuin feel sick as well. And after 30 minutes of being stuck in the suffocating cab with the stench the open windows could not take and the muffled sobs of the teen against his leg dripping with Misaki's vomit, they finally reached Ijuuin's home and asked Maki-san to help Misaki clean up.
Ijuuin thought of doing it himself. But to his kind of state of mind, he didn't trust his own self.
The low creak of the door echoed through the hallway when Ijuuin pushed it open. He was expecting a worn out Misaki sleeping on bed but what he saw was completely different.
"Takahashi...you better rest now..."
The older man didn't have to ask what the teen was doing. On the bed was scraps of a very familiar envelope. At first he thought it was his, but the moment he focused on the Script writing on it, it said the name he didn't like.
The envelope was torn into many pieces for reasons he kind of have an idea. And the kid before him was pathetically staring at it like doing so would tape them back together.
"Rest now, you look so unwell," Ijuuin muttered looking at the torn pieces and not at Misaki.
Hic. Hic. Hic.
Misaki began reaching out to the trash with his trembling fingers. The tears he seemed to have never been running out of were visible on the white bedsheet as it landed on it. He was biting down his lower lip as he cried silently, as if he was mourning over the torn envelope.
"-nough,"
More muffled, pathetic sobbing came from Misaki.
"Enough."
"Hurts...hurts very much..." Misaki croaked.
"I said enough!" the shout rang out the entire room. Misaki had to lift his swollen face to the man standing before the bed.
The bed shook slightly when Ijuuin threw his weight on it. With a heated face, Ijuuin took the torn pieces in swift movements and threw them on the floor.
"Wh-what are you doing?!" wide eyed Misaki questioned in a surprised tone.
The teen started crawling off the bed. The oversized cotton trousers and the shirt almost looked comical on him and yet there was something in it that made Ijuuin snap.
Grabbing both Misaki's wrist, Ijuuin threw Misaki flat on his back on the bed. His hair falling softly on Misaki's forehead, Ijuuin drew a deep breath.
"I told you I like you. I don't fucking care if you're drunk or not but don't show me your tears for somebody else..." the man hissed eyes closed. Even though he did that, his other senses could very well point out the presence of the boy under him.
"I'm sorry."
More anger boiled inside Ijuuin. He didn't want sorry, he didn't want pity, he didn't want apology from someone drunk enough to not even worry where he was or who he was with.
All eyes focused on Misaki's face, Ijuuin moved lower. So low there was only a breath's distance between their mouths.
"If you're sorry...then why don't you try comforting me now? Huh Mi-sa-ki?"
Ten seconds. Twenty seconds. Until a whole minute had passed like that. Misaki staring at Ijuuin. Ijuuin staring at Misaki. Both not blinking.
For some reason, what Ijuuin muttered seemed to have wiped all the drunkenness in Misaki's system. And he looked at the older man's eyes with sharp yet pained eyes.
Finally calming down, Ijuuin finally realized what he had said and his face was painted with astonishment. He couldn't even move away even if he wanted to. There under him was the boy he wanted for himself. Love or whatever it was, he was unsure of it but he wanted Misaki.
Smiling a little awkward, Ijuuin pressed his forehead on Misaki's. "If you don't say anything I'll take that as a yes."
Sober or not, there was one thing Ijuuin hadn't expected to happen. "Ijuuin-san...here..." Misaki hit his chest to make out whatever his point was. "This should be beating like crazy. To the point that you feel so hot it's about to explode."
Grunting in irritation, Ijuuin burried his face on the pillow, beside Misaki's blank face. The scent of his own shampoo in Misaki's hair was just torture. Unlike in his dreams, Misaki was like a stone to him. Unresponsive. Unmoving.
"So? You're saying I don't affect you as much?"
It felt so good having the warmth Misaki had. The low, young voice breathing under him felt so natural. And yet they weren't synchronized at all.
"You don't love me Ijuuin-san. You like me. But you don't love me."
"What are you talking about?"
Ijuuin pressed his lips on Misaki's skin. Just below the teen's ear. He knew if he didn't stop soon enough, if he didn't flee from his guest room, he might commit something as leaving a scar to Misaki. However, Misaki started a mystery he wanted a closure.
Looking through the blurry world of the ceiling as he was left no choice but to do so, Misaki sighed. A sigh as deep as the hole both Misaki and Ijuuin has. Perhaps the reason Misaki was not violently pulling away from the weight above him, was because they were having a mutual understanding of both of them in the territory of hearts that can't reach the ones they want.
"You have never loved anyone...that's why your music is dead to me Ijuuin-san. You're not emotionally attatched."
Breathing in deeply, Ijuuin moved his lips just above Misaki's reddish earlobe. "Why don't you make me...?" a voice almost unaudible questioned.
It sounded...desperate.
Love, Like, attraction, Ijuuin didn't know anymore. He was tired. His rationality was slowly fading away in him. His head was blank. It was just his instincs working. His hands running down the lenght of Misaki's arms. His lips burrying deep into the soft locks. He wasn't thinking anymore.
If there was even an ounce of defiance from Misaki, it wasn't obvious. He felt his body as heavy as lead. His eyes wanting to shut completely, he couldn't even lift a finger.
"Usagi-san..."
It was a begging tone that sent everything around Ijuuin motionless. There he was, about to commit rape, and the drunk teen was still going on about that childish name. Like a child losing, slipping away, Misaki had clutched tightly on his shirt.
Ijuuin leaned over, his arms on both sides of the teen's shoulders. Tears behind closed leads, the red face hiccuping and the hand that was holding on to him. It left Ijuuin feeling like a beast he slowly moved away and slumped right next to Misaki.
"You're a devil Misaki..."
The man threw his towel on his face to hide.
The ticking of the clock grew louder and louder as the night deepened. The sobs earlier was nothing but a soft, rymthmic breathing filling Ijuuin's sense of hearing. He had no will to move one inch on that bed. It was as if he was drunk himself.
The night was deepening and yet Ijuuin found himself in an insomania.
You have a call! Shin Shing! A call!
Misaki's phone kept on ringing. To the point that it sounded so shrilly and Ijuuin couldn't take it anymore.
He left the bed carefully, the towel on his face falling on the floor. With a grim face, he went to the sling bag lying on the chair and picked up the phone. It would have been so good if it was Usami Akihiko. Ijuuin thought. But it was a name his brain was too tired to process. Lazily he pressed the phone against his hear.
"Hoi? Where are you? Are you still alive?"
Ijuuin looked at the sleeping boy on the bed, totally unguarded and sighed.
"Hey, you're not Takahashi, are you? Who are you? Give the phone to him!"
"Stop screaming into my ear. Damn it."
"What? Hoi, if you're some perv-"
"He's a dead fish right now. Okay? So try calling tomorrow."
"Dead fish? Look mister," the voice on the other line seemed like he was trying to calm himself. "If you're planning something indecent...well it's not my business anymore..."
Laughing, Ijuuin brushed his hair backwards. "If we were doing something 'indecent', I wouldn't be answering this call. I should be there panting like an animal. Correct?"
"What the hell...!"
"Who are you anyway...?"
"I don't say my name to some low life. I am too important for you."
"Ah..that so?"
"Io...how long are you gonna pace there, my head hurts watching you..." came the voice in the background.
"SHUT UP!" there was some rustling and indistinc voices. "Shit."
Dead tone.
Ijuuin walked towards Misaki and placed the phone beside the teen. He pulled the thick blanket over the sleeping form, turned off the lights and made his exit with his face hidden by his towel.
"I feel sick..."
These were the first words that came out of Misaki's mouth the moment he regained consciousness. He wanted to open his eyes, but the mere brightness while his eyes were stil closed was pounding hard against his skull.
"Argh..." Misaki rolled on the bed, the blanket wrapped around him like he was some sort of sushi. When he finally thought his eyes had adjusted, he opened them slowly. He sat on the bed carefully as he felt himself toppling back on the bed.
'Where..." the teen gazed around and looked at his phone sadly. "Right..."
He clearly remembered everything that had taken place last night. How one of his current boss snuggled on him. How he was pinned down and some of the unpleasant conversation they had.
Under his drunken state last night, he still knew what was happening. He just believed that Ijuuin-san was a person who wouldn't do something in a rash. A person who wouldn't force someone to go his way. Perhaps that was why though at some point he thought they'd cross the line, he was still confident nothing would happen. Or the alcohol must have made him too trusting. Either way, nothing happened. What was killing him was his brain throbbing inside his skull.
He looked around and found himself alone in a cream colored room. His phone beside him was resting under a piece of paper.
He squinted his eyes at it.
"There's food on the table. Gone to work.-Ijuuin"
Still wobbly, Misaki tried to fix himself in the bath. His clothes were neatly hanging on some rack.
His face was a nightmare. Puffy and still his cheeks were reddish. But he smelled nice and he felt clean. Frowning at the redness of his eyes and at how the throbbing inside him as if someone was trying to scoop his brains off, Misaki sprayed water on his face.
"I swear...I'm never going to drink alcohol my entire life..."
Feeling about to throw up once more, Misaki looked up and forced himself to change into his clothes.
"I'm such a pain..."
Waking alone in an unfamiliar house felt like waking alone in the hospital. The entire house of Ijuuin was neat, all black and white contrasting each other. But to Misaki, it felt like no one was actually living in it. It was somehow giving off the same air as his Usagi-san's flat before.
"Usagi-san..." he whispered. Remembering everything that he tried to hard to forget by drinking. And in return they were coming back at him much more vividly.
You have a call! Shin Shing! A call!
Broken out of his trance, Misaki's green, unsteady eyes darted towards his phone on the bed.
"Io?"
"TURN ON THE TV."
"But...I am not in my..."
"I don't fucking care where you are. There's a limit to being clueless and you are annoying the hell out of me."
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Misaki stared at his phone for a while. Io usually never called him so it was kind of new. Whirling around, Misaki saw the remote of the flat screen tv hanging by the wall and turned it on.
At first the reporter was talking too fast, Misaki's still hung up brain couldn't fathom a single thing she was going on about. The flashes of cameras and the number of people wearing suits in the background was a lot. It felt like probably a country issue must be taking place.
"But why would Io, call me about this?"
He flipped channel after channel after channel. But all the networks were showing the same scene.
And then it hit him. It was not any government official sitting in the middle of the long table covered in white fabric. It wasn't a member of the cabinet looking straight ahead. It wasn't even a member of the Royal family taking a sip of water every now and then.
It was Usami Akihiko.
"..." Misaki's unsteady eyes have regained its focus and his feet brought him so close to the huge device he was almost kissing it.
"What's this...he never showed his face in public..." the teen muttered in a choking voice. His chest was constricting. He knew something was wrong with this set-up.
"Good afternoon Japan. This is Hidemi Ana, reporting live from Teito Hotel. For the first time in national television, legendary male composer Usami Akihiko had faced the spot light and has given us the opportunity to look deeper into the scandal he was facing..."
"Scandal?"
The last thing Misaki remembere before he dashed out of Ijuuin's house was his Usagi-san's clear photos of kissing a blurred face of a teenager. All the pictures, he was blocked out. It was just all Usami Akihiko's face clear in the public view.
He ran under the sun. The chilly air giving goosebumps all over his body.
Misaki was half mad and was about to cry in the middle of his running. It was only in dramas where the lead character had to run his way towards something. It was only in dramas that there was no sign of taxi or any car around him. It was only in dramas that it seemed like the lead character was running in a devoid place with no one to offer a helping hand.
He badly needed a lift. He needed a cab to get to his Usagi-san. But like in the dramas, it seemed like all his ways to get faster was taken away from him.
"No..."
Misaki lifted his gaze at the huge electronic billboard as he waited for the train to arrive in a frenzy. All the eyes of the passengers that time were focuse on the board as well.
"Usami Akihiko-san was involved in a huge scandal that the composer who have always hidden his face in public decided to offer a conference. In any minute, the conference will start. Please stand by..."
"Oh my god...I saw that too in Pixiv, he was kissing a young man right? I can't believe it...!" A girl dressed in Ganguro style chirped to her equally outrageous dressed friends.
"Oh my god...so true...and did you hear? He's being removed from the Sonate Committee. He was even one of the stars of the event..."
"Eh really? But hey...you have to admit guys, he's hot..."
"What's the use? He's gay. Maybe a phedophile?"
"Shut up! You don't know him, don't judge him!" Misaki had blurted out of irritation.
The girls looked at him with disgusted faces. "What do you care?"
"Ah...maybe he's also gay and he's just feeling for the fall of that composer?"
The tanned girls giggled all the time they waited for the train.
This can't be happening...I didn't know there were pictures of us...circulating around...
Hugging his bag for support, Misaki wanted to cry right there and then. But he stopped himself with al his might. He couldn't cry just yet. There were so many things he didn't know. He was confused and still hurt from what happened between the two of them. But he was worried. That was the only thing Misaki could think of.
He was the kind of teenager who didn't care about social sites. He seldom watch news as well. And so the shock of seeing Usami Akihiko's somehow thin face in public television was a shock to Misaki.
"Why...why...did he have to hide this from me..."
A static from a radio rang inside the running trains. And then it got clearer and clearer like Misaki wasn't hearing it but seeing it.
"Usami-san...is it true that the nomination for you as the composer of the year and your seat in Sonate has been taken from you?"
-"They're all the truth." Misaki felt like vile rise upto his throat.
"Then what about your representative in Sonate Music Competition? He had to withdraw too if I'm not mistaken if the composer he's representing has been pulled out."
-"That's actually not a problem. I haven't been able to point out any representative yet."
"Oh...I see...then Usami-san, you know that a scandal can cause you your seat you've been haviing in a long while in Sonate...why did you do it. And asking the obvious, no offense intended. You are a member of the third sex?"
There was a wave of murmurs inside the train. Misaki wanted to scream and make them stop. But he was also getting weak from what he was hearing, he had no choice but to listen to whatever was already taking place with his head bowed and the sting in his eyes growing harsher.
-"I admit. I am."
Misaki stared hard at the black speakers at the corners of the trains.
"He admitted it...he admitted it..."
"Regarding the photos that were posted by an annonymous person in a free wall of an internet tabloid...is it true that you are dating a much younger male than you are? Isn't that considered child abuse?" a different female voice asked.
"Child abuse?!" Misaki shrieked inside his throbbing head. He had to grip the handle bar to stop himself from sliding off his seat.
-"I'm sorry to burst your bubbles, but I am in no relationship at the moment. Been a long while since I've been in one."
"Then what are the photos about Usami-san? Are you saying they were just edited?"
-"I am not in any relationship at the moment." the composer answered firmly.
"Doesn't the fact the you showing your face for the first time is a sign this is serious and you're protecting somebody?"
"The doors to the right side will open..."
Misaki ran out the train and couldn't remember the last time he had run so fast as this. He felt like his feet wasn't on the ground anymore. He just wanted to see the man in the middle of the scandal he didn't know.
He's protecting me...god...he's protecting me and the stupid me thought bad of him!
Misaki was able to pass the security around the suite where the conference was being held. He was able to since Orihara-san was at the entrance, looking expressionless as he allowed the teen pass him by.
The hallway was deserted. Everyone was inside the suite. It was eerily quiet it was as if Misaki was waiting for the unfolding of some horror film.
His dragged his heavy legs towards the red, wooded door with dragons carved on it. It was as if no matter how many steps he made, the door just kept going farther away from him.
And then it happened. The worst Misaki could even imagine.
The red doors burst open. A confident and composed man emerged from the door. The man was wearing his usual clothes. Bluish long sleeves, a vest, a tie and a black trouser which not all could pull off with such class.
The teen felt that world stopped revolving the orbit.
Their eyes met. Usami's lavender eyes. Misaki's emerald ones met for a couple of seconds. But the older man didn't show any recognition. There was not a change in his poker face.
Behind the composer were the reporters and writers following the composer in a frenzy. They were like bees not wanting to let go of their honey.
"Usami-san! One more question please!"
Flashes of cameras filled the hallway it was blinding. It was making Misaki nauseous.
"Hey...who's this kid over here?" a male reporter shouted.
Suddenly all eyes were on Misaki as if they were drilling a hole on the teen's face.
Heart about to leap out of his throat, Misaki threw a worried glance at Usami Akihiko, then at the round of reporters that gathered around him, cornering him to the wall.
"Hey kid...what are you doing here? This is an exclusive reservation for Usami-san's conference...could you be perhaps his..lo-"
"Mind your words, reporter." Usami's commanding voice filled the cramped hallway. The tension surfacing, the heat of the cameras and the lights suffocating, Misaki felt his own sweat dripping down his neck.
The male reporter raised a brow. "But why is such a..." he eyed Misaki once more. "A plain looking boy be in here?"
A wave of speculations once more drowned everyone.
"That kid...is a friend of one of my workers. And he's a fan. Don't drag that child into this mess," Usami ordered curtly.
Not giving up a seemingly huge scoop, the reporter made his way to Misaki. He was young and thirsty for exposure he almost shoved the microphone to Misaki's face.
"Hey kid, we just want to confirm something, could you answer a few questions?"
Misaki's head started throbbing violently from the hang over and from the stress. The cameras were now focused on him. And this was even live.
Usami walked closer to Misaki, anger was etched on his face.
"Don't you know when to give up?!"
"Usami-san...if there's nothing to hide, you shouldn't be so worked up."
That earned a lot of nods of agreement from the rest of the crowd. Usami had maintained a stern look at Misaki despite Misaki almost begging for everyone to stop.
"So...do you know Usami Akihiko personally?"
The question that would change everything was thrown out in the open. It was all in Misaki's hands what would be the outcome.
Misaki stared at the flashing cameras and the expectant faces of the female and male reporters looking at him. Their phones raised in the air to capture everything he had to say. The huge video camera seemed about to eat him whole.
I don't want to leave Usagi-san in this alone...we're in this together...
More camera flashed before him. Hurting his eyes.
If I just admit that everything was consensual, they'd leave Usagi-san alone right?
Misaki looked at Usami Akihiko, and then at the blur of unrecognizable faces.
I'd admit I'm gay...like what he did...tell everyone I love him...
"Excuse me...we're waiting for an answer."
We only fell in love...what's so wrong about that right? Love is still love...
His grip in his bag tightened at the same time he felt his throat and chest constricting.
"I...to Usami Akihiko..." Misaki began.
All eyes, all ears all senses was now directed at Misaki. Their glares and thirst for scoop could break and kill.
Wait...what about Nii-chan? My friends...everyone in the hospital...they'd know about me...so suddenly?" Misaki faltered.
"I...I..." Misaki was about to fall on his knees.
I'm scared to admit it...I'm scared...what do I do? Usagi-san...
"I...I...I..." Misaki looked at Usagi-san whose face was expressionless.
The world seemed blindingly dark and yet piercing white.
"I...I am just a regular fan," Misaki mumbled with wide eyes. "...sneaking in here..."
No admit it! Admit it! You're leaving Usagi-san alone in the air! No...
The faces of the reporters sagged. But Misaki didn't care. His heart in his throat, he darted his gaze to the lavender eyes looking at him.
Their eyes met. It was as if everyone else disappeared in the hallway. Just the two of them staring silently at each other. Misaki wanted to say something. But the faint smile on Usami Akihiko's lips rendered Misaki speechless, motionless and senseless.
That smile spoke volumes to Misaki. Partings, goodbyes, sorry, love.
He watched his Usag-san's back grow smaller as the man walked farther away. Watched the swarm of merciless reporters follow the composer.
It was only after everyone was gone that Misaki slumped on the floor, his mouth in a silent gasp. His tears flowing down to his cheeks to the carpeted floor.
Orihara-san, Usami's right hand man kneeled befor Misaki and tried to calm the boy silently screaming.
"You did the right thing Takahashi-kun. It was what my master wanted..."
Misaki was deaf to everything.
How did it turn out this way? I wanted to admit it but when it came down to it...I backed out.. I left Usagi-san...
I'm sorry...I'm sorry I am so weak...
chapter end notes:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME! ARGH I FELT LIKE IT'S BEEN A while please TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTs^^ THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ALL YOUR TIMES...AND CHU!
-also please just be patient with me...i want to write this in my pace...and i am not the type to rush into cutesy events...^^ anyway i am glad if you're still here. ^^ arigatou minna...
-shuusetsu
to tyn:
hi thank you for showing much interest!
it was Usagi-san who said it. If you can still remember...Usagi-san mistook Io for being Misaki because of their voices. so when the truth was revealed Misaki being the shadow singer of Io and how sometimes misaki would also remind him about the kid he met ten years ago...thats how he finally got it.^^ im bad at explaining...gomen^^