Chapter 25 – Watch Over You

A/N: Happy New Year! Let 2014 be an awesome year for all of us!

BPOV

"Angie will never dance again, because she can't walk anymore, Bella," Christian said, his hands firmly holding his mug, his eyes filled with sorrow and pain.

It took a few moments for me to process the words, I mean, how could that be possible?

For a few moments I tried to remember everything from the accident, every piece of information that I had received, and even if she had been unconscious and then in a coma, they'd never said anything about what would happen to her when she woke up. Yes, they said that she may take a very long time to recover, she had been hurt pretty bad, but to be paralyzed was not one of them. How could this have happened to her?

"Why?" I asked quietly, the first lonely tears spilling down my pale cheek, my appetite now long gone.

"You know why," he said back at me.

"Christian, please, I need to understand what happened to her," I begged, feeling all the air leaving my lungs, my heart constricted inside my chest.

"When the accident happened, Angie's side of the car was the one that was hit the hardest, she took most of the impact. The police believe that when the car was crashed and then hit that tree, she hit her head and there was some serious trauma on her spine. Because you just had the impact from the tree, you only broke your wrist and hit your head, which is why you were unconscious too," he said calmly, probably because he had told this story many times in the past two years.

"She was in a coma when you guys moved away," I said, not really sure of the details.

"Yeah, my mom really didn't want to stay in Phoenix and when she heard about a doctor in DC that had made some miracles, she decided she needed to try," he said to me, making me remember the angry words and the despair of Andrea. She believed I was the reason for her family's suffering, and she was right. It was my fault that I'd made Angie drive that night, it was my fault that she had gotten hurt so fucking bad.

"How long did she stay in coma?" I asked him, not sure if from my own curiosity, or my desire to absorb all detail that I had let slip away at the time.

"For about a week, then the doctors decided to put her in an induced coma for almost a month, to let her body heal. They had hoped at the time that maybe the pressure in her brain and in her spine would pass, and that the broken bones would heal soon. The bones in the end were ok, but it's pointless if you can't move them," he said in a bitter tone.

"Oh God," I said, not holding back the tears anymore. I just couldn't believe this was happening. How could that have happened to her? Angie was the kindest and most wonderful person I had met in my whole life. She didn't deserve that fate. What had I done?

"There is no point in crying right now," Christian said coldly to me.

"Are you fucking kidding me? After all that, you don't think I should cry? Are you insane?" I asked him angrily, making the tears fall harder and attracting some unwanted attention toward us.

"What I mean is that what is done is done. You can cry a river over this and it won't change what happened to my sister," he said to me, in a way that showed me he had been through a lot with Angie for the past few years. He was always over protective of her, so to know that this happened to her because of me must have killed him. After all, I'd wanted to go to that party to forget about him, I was the one that got drunk and made her drive. It should have been me and not her.

"I am so sorry, you have no idea how I regret that day. There hasn't been a day that has passed by that I have not thought about her, about what I've done. She probably hates me right now," I said, in the middle of quiet tears and a storm of deep gut emotion.

"She did for a while. After she woke up and got the news, she was angry and bitter for a long time. She was just sixteen for God's sake. I still can't believe that she had to go through this," he said sadly, his heart breaking for Angie.

"I don't even know what to say," I whispered, too hurt to say anything.

"She doesn't hate you anymore Bella, she misses you," he said to me, reaching out for my hand, his rough fingers softly caressing my pale skin. His touch was familiar and yet strange at the same time, like it didn't belong anymore.

"Really?" I asked him, tightly holding his hand.

"Yes, that's why I am here. She really misses you, and now she feels like it's time for you two to talk about what happened," he said to me, still caressing my hand, sending small shivers down my spine.

"I would really like that," I said with a sad smile.

"I know that you are expecting a call from her or something, but let's just say that my mother is everywhere, and she would never allow for you two to talk. She still thinks you are the one to blame for the accident," he said calmly, probably not wanting me to remember the last time I had seen his mother and her cruel words.

"Do you?" I asked him, feeling his tight grip on my hand get tighter.

"I did for a while. I was angry, at you, at my sister and at myself. It was my fault that you two were at that party as much as it was yours. I was being a dick and I hurt you. I am so sorry Bells, you have no idea how much I regret the things I said and did back then," he said to me, deeply looking me in the eyes, making me realize that maybe a part of him still held on to those moments we'd spent together. We had loved each other very much, but our prejudice and pride got in the way, and too many people got hurt in the process.

"I am sorry too," I said, brushing away a tear with the back of my hand.

"I really hope you and Angie can work this out. I can't imagine my sister without you by her side. All her life you had been there for her. It has been two very lonely years for her," he said.

"For me too. I just lost myself without her, I just felt so empty inside you know. I had to move to another state to start over, and to realize who I was, and to find my happiness back again," I said to him, removing my hand from his tight hold, feeling guilty for touching him and not Edward. God, how would I explain all of this to him?

"You seem happy, I got to see that yesterday. I am glad you have good friends here," he said with a sad smile, because I knew that deep down he knew that I loved Edward way too much. He was the love of my life, nothing would compare to him, and nothing would make me as happy.

"I am, I really am. And I hope you are too," I said to him, hoping I was not breaking his heart one more time.

"I'm getting there," he said with a small smile.

"I never meant to hurt you," I said to him.

"I know Bells, that's why I came here. I knew that no matter what happened between us you wouldn't hate me. You have too good of a heart for being bitter," he said, making me feel like this was our closure.

"You think way too highly of me," I said with a shrug.

"That's because I've known you way too long to let one action change my mind about you. My sister really misses you Bella, and she wants to talk to you, in person," he finally said, making me so surprised I felt like the air had left my lungs.

"In DC? You want me to go to DC to see Angie?" I asked him, just to be sure.

"I want you to come back to DC with me tomorrow," he said firmly.

"I can't just leave to DC, I've got school and a life. Besides my mom would never allow it," I said rashly, too shocked to even consider this possibility.

"You can ditch school if you don't have a test. You've only got three weeks left of High School. I bet you've even gone through your SATs already," he said, trying to argue with me.

"That's not the point Christian! I can't just leave with you," I said to him.

"Why? What are you so afraid of?" he asked me with a raised eyebrow, in a way that used to make me always doubt my decisions.

"I am not afraid, it's just not practical. I can't leave everything behind to follow you on your motorcycle," I said frustrated with him.

"You won't follow me, I will drive us both there," he said with a smirk.

"Christian," I said frustrated, he always did things like that, and it always drove me mad.

"Listen Bella, I am not here to do anything to hurt you, or to screw with the life you've got here. All I told you and asked you, was so you could have a chance to do something about the things that have been eating you for the past couple years. But it's your choice if you are going to do something about it or not," he said to me, before grabbing his wallet, taking out a twenty dollar bill and leaving it on the table.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, shocked to see him leaving in the middle of our conversation.

"I am going back to the motel, and you should go home and think about all the things I said, and more importantly what Angeline asked you," he said, grabbing his leather jacket and helmet from the side bench.

"You don't play fair," I said, my head spinning from all the information overload and the tears.

"I never said I did. Take care, Bells," he said, before leaning down and kissing me softly on the side of my lips.

He left, leaving me to deal one more time with the pain, sorrow and regret that I had been carrying with me since the accident.

On the ride back home, I couldn't stop thinking about all the things Christian had said to me, and all the feelings that he'd brought back with his presence. No matter how deep I tried to bury them, no matter how hard I fought myself, I knew that a part of me would always belong to him.

But the dominant part of my heart belonged with Edward, and I had been so fucking happy. The last couple of months were the happiest I'd had for a long time. I knew I was hurting him, but that was never my intent, I loved him way too much for that. Yet I couldn't stop doing or saying things that I knew were breaking his heart, and right now I just couldn't deal with his issues. I felt way too messed up on the inside to try being the better person here.

I was torn apart. I missed Angie so much, she never left my mind and the guilt for being responsible for her pain was eating me inside. I wanted to see her, to beg for forgiveness, to do all the things possible to make her happy again. I knew that not in one million years would I forgive myself for putting her in a wheel chair for the rest of her life, for causing her all that suffering, for making her give up all her dreams. Suddenly I felt like such a selfish bitch for thinking that I had been through a lot, when she was the one that was actually hurt. But at the same time, I knew that if I left with Christian, Edward would never forgive me, and I loved him too much to dare to lose him. I couldn't take that risk.

I felt like a big failure, I let everybody I loved down, Angie, Edward and myself. What was I doing with my life? Had it all been a big waste? Would I ever find a purpose in all those things that had happened so far? Would this tragedy be over nothing?

I was so lost in my own mind that before I knew it I was parking in the garage. My chest felt heavy and my heart was aching. I knew I had to make a choice, and no matter what I chose, I would end up losing someone over it.

I was closing my mini cooper's door when I heard the sound of a car parking. I didn't need to look back to know it was Edward. I should have known that ignoring his calls and texts would set him off, but I just wasn't ready to talk to him about it, not last night and not even now. All I wanted was to forget that this day even started.

He walked in my direction with caution and I knew that deep down there were some worries. I could see in his eyes that all he could think about right now was Christian, about how I felt about his return, how I would handle it and if that would change what we had. This thought, mixed with the pressure that Christian had put on me today to make a decision, was just making me feel bitchy and annoyed.

"Edward," I said lowly, trying to contain the irritation in my voice. I didn't need a fight right now.

"Hey, Bella," he said with a small smile. It only made me feel guiltier for feeling the way I did.

"What are you doing here? I thought I was supposed to call you when things had calmed down?" I told him, running my hand over my falling bangs, not purging the poisonous tone out of my voice. Fuck, I was pissed. Why couldn't anyone just leave me the fuck alone for five fucking seconds to think about my fucking life?

"I just wanted to check up on you, you weren't picking up my calls," he said lowly, trying to show me he was concerned about me, and not trying to check up if I was hooking up with my ex-boyfriend.

"I think that might tip you off that I wasn't ready to talk yet," I said angrily. I really needed some space and distance, I felt so messed up right now, I might end up hurting him and I didn't want that. All I wanted was some space to breathe and to think, and I couldn't do that with Edward here; with his green eyes and sweet smile, he only would make me doubt my decisions over my love for him.

"I was just worried, you never said if you guys had talked and what Angie wanted," he said, his hands behind his back, his posture tense.

"You don't have to worry about me, Edward, I'm fine," I said shortly.

"Clearly," he said back, his sarcasm evident this time.

"You know what, Edward, I don't have time for this shit," I shouted at him. I was so mad right now, mad at him, at Christian, at Angie, at the fucking world. At the Universe, who loved to fuck up my life and ruin any chance of happiness that I ever had.

"What the hell, Bella! This guy is in the city for less than 24 hours and you are already shutting me out," he angrily shouted at me, his eyes filled with jealousy and hurt.

"Damn it, Edward, I can't deal with this shit right now! Your stupid insecurities are the farthest thing from my mind! I don't have the time or the patience for this," I shouted back at him, walking away from my car and on to the front porch.

"Don't you walk away from me, Bella," he shouted ate me, his heavy steeps catching me up the stairs of the front porch.

"I will do whatever I want to," I shouted at him, so angry that everybody seemed to like to control me and my own life. Fuck, where were those damn keys?

"What the fuck happened to you?" he shouted, his voice breaking, filled with sorrow. In that moment I knew that I was destroying him on the inside, and everything we'd worked so hard to build together. I may just end up losing him anyway, no matter what choice I made.

"Just leave me alone. Please, I can't do this right now," I said to him, my chest constricting, the air suddenly felt too heavy for me to breathe. I just felt lost and weak. And no matter how much I tried to hold back my tears, the sight of a broken hearted Edward was bringing me to my knees.

"Bella," he whispered, slowly trying to reach up to me, but I just couldn't stand him touching me. If he did I would just break down and be the sad little girl I tried so hard not to be. I needed to be strong and face my own demons. I just couldn't drag the man I loved with me.

"I need to deal with this on my own Edward, please, I need to be alone," I begged him, the tears falling and my lips trembling.

"Fine," he said in a defeated tone, putting a flower on the chair that was on the porch.

"I am sorry," I said softly, wishing that I didn't have to go through this, that I didn't have to break his heart again.

"Yeah, me too," he said to me, his eyes filled with an emptiness that I'd never seen before and then leaving me alone. In the end, I was always alone.

I stood on the porch watching as the love of my life left with a broken heart and an aching soul. I let the tears finally flow freely, not feeling strong enough to hold them back anymore. It was just too much.

I sat on the steps and all measure of time was long forgotten, just the wind and silence were my companions, and I lost myself in them. The tears soon dried over my pale skin, my head was pounding and I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I felt lonelier then I ever had before, also I felt like a bitch for hurting Edward, but what else could I do?

In the middle of my internal turmoil I barely noticed my mother sitting beside me on the front steps of our house. Her soft hands touched my hair, pushing it away from my face, my dried tears still visible. She hugged me, and didn't ask me any questions; she knew me sometimes better than I knew myself. She was being exactly what I needed, she was being my mom, my rock. I held her, and let my pain break through. In my mother's arms I cried for all the things I had lost and all the pain I had caused.

Hours later I was lying down on my bed, my eyes fixed on my white ceiling, wondering how things could get so messed up so quickly.

I felt terrible for the way I'd treated Edward, and sent dozens of texts and called him many times, but all I got was his voice mail. I wanted to apologize to him. Even though I wasn't ready to talk about Angie with him, I still didn't want to act like a cold bitch with my own boyfriend. I could see how his mind was working on it, me and Christian together, the way I talked to him, the terrible things I said. Fuck, that's why I'd wanted to avoid him, so we wouldn't be at this place right now.

Why wasn't he picking up my calls? Was he so upset that he couldn't even answer my text to let me know he was ok? Fine, maybe I was being a fucking hypocrite, since I'd done the same thing last night, but Edward was different – he was too gentle and too sweet for this.

I couldn't let sleep consume me, I was too stuck in innumerous possibilities and all of them led to a path that would only lead to the destruction of something that I cared about. I was haunted by memories of my late best friend and the words of Christian. Yet I couldn't stop thinking about the hurt in Edward's eyes.

Soon the sun was shining through my open blinds, making me wonder about the time, and in not so long I would have to go back to the real word. I checked my phone. It was past 6 am, and soon I would need to get ready for school. I got up from the bed, looking for a text from Edward, only to find none. Feeling disappointed I sent him one last text before making my decision about Christian's proposal.

"HEY, ARE YOU OK? CAN YOU PICK ME UP FOR SCHOOL TODAY? WE'VE GOT TO TALK. - B"

I stood there, holding my phone and waiting for a reply for what felt like an eternity but probably wasn't more than five minutes. Feeling defeated with the absence of his answer, I walked to my bathroom to take a shower and get ready for my day. I dressed quickly in a pair of jeans, a green shirt and low leather boots.

(set on my polyvore account – link on my profile)

I took my jacket with me since it was still cold, and put my hair in a high pony tail, not really caring to try and tame my wild locks. I grabbed my backpack and was ready to leave, when I looked at my phone to find a text on it.

"I AM ON MY WAY. – E"

The cold tone of his message brought more worries and I wondered if last night was the last straw for Edward. Had I ruined us?

I walked down the stairs, to find my mom and Claire having breakfast, John had already left for work. I sat down at the table and my mom poured me a cup of hot coffee. I drank it slowly while my little sister talked excitedly about her first dance recital in a few months. At least one of us was bringing joy to my mom, she was all smiles and talking about costumes and rehearsals, I guess that for my mom it was her second chance to make it happen. She never said, but I knew that she dreamed about being a ballerina, but she lacked the grace and coordination for it, so when I and now Claire got into to it, my mom could make part of her dream come true. I was glad to see my sister so happy about it. I wish that I still had that spark, but I guess that my love for it died a long time ago.

The sound of Edward's Volvo brought me back to reality and to really understand the weight of the choices I was making. I quickly kissed my sister and mom goodbye, grabbed my backpack and left the house. Edward was sitting inside his car, the dark windows closed, and his posture rigid. I slowly opened the car's door, and sat on the leather seat, the stereo was on and one of Edward's favorite bands was playing.

Watch Over You - Alter Bridge

Leaves are on the ground

Fall has come

Blue skies turning grey

Like my love

I tried to carry you

And make you whole

But it was never enough

I must go

[Chorus:]

Who is gonna save you

When I'm gone?

And who'll watch over you

When I'm gone?

You say you care for me

But hide it well

How can you love someone

And not yourself?

[Chorus]

And when I'm gone

Who will break your fall?

Who will you blame?

I can't go on

And let you lose it all

It's more than I can take

Who'll ease your pain?

Ease your pain

[Chorus:]

Who is gonna save you

When I'm gone?

Who'll watch over you?

Who will give you strength

When you're not strong?

Who'll watch over you

When I've gone away?

Snow is on the ground

Winters come

You long to hear my voice

But I'm long gone

We sat there in pregnant silence. He was focused on driving and I was trying to find the right words to tell him about everything. I hated those long moments of silence, it made my chest ache, and in my head I saw Edward closing off on me, not letting me in. I knew I was being unfair, that I had caused all of our problems, but it was hurting me to see him acting so coldly toward me.

"I am sorry, Edward," I said quietly, when we stopped at a red light.

"Sorry about what exactly, Bella? About avoiding me or being a cold bitch with me, when the only thing I wanted was to be there for you?" he said coldly, not looking at me, his eyes focused on the road.

"For everything. I never meant to hurt you. I love you, can't you see that?" I pleaded with him to forgive me.

"The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most," he said in a quiet voice.

"Please, just hear me out. I will tell you anything that you want to know. Just don't give up on me," I said to him, my hand trying to reach to his on the steering wheel.

"I think the time for talking was yesterday, Bella, what I needed was just to be there for you. But now I feel like I am just a boy toy for you to have fun with before you left for college. I mean, you barely wanted to discuss it with me, no matter how many times I brought it up," he said to me while parking the car in the school parking lot.

"God, Edward, this again? I told you I don't know which school I will go to, just that I probably will be in New York with you," I said, felling irritated with his bringing this up again, when we had other and more important subjects to discuss.

"See, you don't want to plan a fucking future with me, because you are already planning on leaving me," he said, opening his car door and leaving the car.

"God, you are blowing this out of proportion. We both know your future is set in stone while mine isn't! I can't just start planning a happy family with you when I have no idea what I want to do with my life," I shouted at him, making some random people stare at us.

"Bella we both know that your problem is not what you want to do, or who you want to be with," he shouted back at me, his voice filled with jealousy. How could Christian ruin us just by being in the same city?

"Edward, I love you, why can't that be enough for you?" I asked him frustrated with his attitude.

"Because sometimes love is not enough, Bella. I need to have you whole, or not have you at all. I am tired of fighting for you all the time only to have you shut me down. You are the one for me, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with someday. But you have to be real with me, to want the same things. We are supposed to be partners but you decided on all those things without me. You decided to leave me," he shouted angrily. He was making no sense, why would he think I was leaving him? Did he really think I would choose Christian over him?

"You are being ridiculous Edward! I am with you, I love you, I want to be with you! I am not going back with Christian," I said angrily, tired of having to prove my love for him all over again. I thought we were past this, but I guess not, at least not while he doubted himself and our relationship.

"Then I guess there is no reason for him to be there waiting for you. Fuck that, you know what Bella, you can do whatever you want to, I am done," he said so fucking angry. I'd never seen him like this before, and in the middle of all of this hurt, I realized that my sweet and loving Edward had a dark side too, and I was guilty of bringing this on him.

I felt the tears starting to fall and while I watched the boy that stole and then broke my heart walking away, I felt something shattering inside of myself. One more time, I had hurt the person that I loved the most, and I knew that maybe there would be no coming back for us.

I looked down the street, and there on the top of his back Harley, was the man that had owned me once. He stood there, frozen, watching me from afar, probably waiting for me to make my decision. But there was nothing left to decided, I had already lost the man I loved, I couldn't lose my best friend all over again.

So I walked to his direction, his head covered in his dark helmet, wearing his ripped jeans, boots and his leather jacket. He didn't say anything at the sight of my tears, he just handed me the second helmet and let me get up on the bike behind him.

As we rode out of Jacksonville I couldn't make the tears stop falling down, and there, holding for dear life on the man that I once loved, I couldn't stop wishing that I'd never left Phoenix, that I'd never met Edward, that I had never fallen in love with the shy geek boy that I'd meet my first week here and who soon owned my heart and my soul.

Tennyson once said that "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at al." but for me he was full of shit. I'd had my heart shattered in million pieces for the second time in my young life, I'd had and then lost the man I loved. I just couldn't deal with that. Not anymore, not after everything, I just couldn't find the strength to.

No one should have to live through a broken heart, through the agony and despair that it brought to your soul.

I wish I had never fallen in love with Edward Cullen.

A/N: I know I suck, but you all knew this was coming! But angry words said in the heat of the moment can't be the ones that will seal the destiny of those two!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! You guys make my day

Lots of love to LeKat for another year sticking up for me!

(Lots of Love, PoisonAngel, it's always fantastic to work with you. May you and your terrific fans have a great new year!-LeKat)

Hope you all check out the polyvore account for the sets, listen to the songs and also check out my other work.

Xx

PoisonAngelMuse