BPOV
"You're leaving for Seattle tomorrow. How are you feeling about everything?"
"I'm feeling good about it. I'm happy."
"Bella, you say one thing but your body language says something completely different. Your arms are crossed in front of you. Often this means you're closing yourself off. Are you sure there isn't something on your mind?"
Dr. De Armas always saw through my bullshit and she very diligently called me out on it.
I sighed in defeat. "I guess I'm a little nervous about the wedding. Even though I don't really care about the logistics, the decorations, flowers, etcetera, I find myself dreading that something will go wrong."
Dr. De Armas nodded but remained silent.
"I'm also nervous about this next step. It's nervous excitement really. I can't wait to marry Edward. It feels like the most natural thing in the world. I'm so happy that I'm scared it's all going to be taken away from me."
"Bella, we've talked at length about your self destructive thoughts. They serve no purpose. What happened to embracing your life and rejecting the guilt you feel about your happiness?"
She had me there. I had come a long way but somehow I seemed to have an uncanny ability to paint myself into a corner once more.
"I just needed to say it out loud to realize how ridiculous it sounds. I've been denying this festering unease I've been feeling."
"Have you discussed any of this with Edward?"
"A little. I mean, I haven't really expounded on it much but he knows I'm scared that something bad will happen. He assures me that even if something were to happen, we'd tackle it together."
Dr. De Armas smiled, "Now that Edward sure is wise."
I chuckled at that knowing she was right.
At the end of our session she gave me her best wishes and offered a few friendly words of encouragement. We made an appointment for when I returned from my honeymoon.
As I drove back to the apartment I wondered where Edward would be taking me for our honeymoon. He had insisted in planning it all on his own and keeping it a secret. I didn't normally like surprises but this was one I could live with.
I had just parked my car when my cellphone rang.
"Alice!"
"Bella almost Cullen, how are you? Have you and Edward packed?"
"I'm fine and yes. We packed what little we needed to pack. All of the important stuff is over there."
"What's your bra size?"
"That's random. Is this why you called?" My voice had turned accusational.
"Yes. So, size?"
"Thirty-four C."
"Perfect. I got you skivvies in medium. Do they need to be small?"
"Medium is fine. Why are you buying me underwear?"
"Rosalie and I are going to make sure Edward has a spectacular honeymoon. We know about the sexbargo."
"The what?"
"Sex embargo. Jeez, Bella. I thought it was all your idea."
"How the hell do you know about that? I know Edward would never tell you about it."
"He blabbed to Emmett who then blathered to Rose and you know. It picked up speed and took on a life of its own."
I was mortified but also amused.
"Okay, but no Fredrick's of Hollywood crap please! I hate the tarty cheap looking underthings that try to be sexy but really aren't."
"Bella, take that stick up your ass and yank it out. You're so picky. I promise it will all be classy and just perfect for you. Now go before you miss your waxing appointment with the beautician."
"I still can't believe I let you talk me into that."
"Your pussy has been out of commission for months. Don't you want Edward's reacquaintance with it to be spectacular?"
"This feels inappropriate so I'm going to go ahead and stop you right there."
"Remember to remove that stick..."
I hung up on her before she was able to finish her admonishment. She was right of course, about the nudity or lack thereof. Because we were trying to remain chaste Edward asked me to not undress in front of him. It was easier that way. Even sleeping in the same bed together was problematic so he took to staying at his apartment once again.
It was strange at first but it was nice to be somewhat traditional just because. I am not one to bow to convention unless I decide to on my own.
I was about to slide my key in the lock when Edward opened the front door.
"Hey there," I said before kissing his cheek.
"How was your session?" He pulled me in for a hug and gave me a kiss on my temple.
"It was good. Did you finish packing?"
"Yep! I'm good to go. I also confirmed Nessie's boarding reservation. Jake will be dropping her off on Thursday morning before he heads to the airport. He and Paul are leaving their dog there too."
"Perfect. I'm glad that's taken care of." I sunk deeper into Edward's embrace and felt completely relaxed as he ran his fingers through my hair and massaged my scalp. The moment was short lived as I had to get ready for my appointment with hot wax and other torture devices.
"I have to shower before my appointment."
"Why do you have to shower for that?"
"My 'you know what' is going to be on display. A person's face is going to be all up in my business. The least I can do is give them a clean canvas."
Edward rolled his eyes but laughed. "I hope this person is not a man."
I gave him a look before making my way up the stairs.
My waxing appointment was just as I expected, painful and void of any dignity. The lady was really nice and managed to keep me fairly relaxed but the pain and discomfort could not be helped. I didn't want to go completely bare as I didn't have any inclination to look like a twelve year old. I was a woman and damn it women had hair down there! I didn't care what anybody said. Not that Edward had ever expressed a preference for hairlessness.
When I arrived home there was a note from Edward on the kitchen counter.
Bella,
I've gone out for drinks with a few friends. It's supposed to be
a sort of bachelor party if you will. I promise that strippers will
not be involved.
I will call you later tonight.
I can't wait for tomorrow. I'll be that much closer to having you forever.
Love,
Edward
I hugged his note to my chest. I couldn't help but smile.
~IC~
"I really don't understand why you can't stay at my parent's house," Edward said. He was not bothering to mask his annoyance as he handed cash to the bellhop.
"It wouldn't be right. Besides, you said you like tradition and since I don't have a house in Seattle the Fairmont will have to do. Before you know it we'll be absconding for two weeks and we'll rediscover each other."
"I just don't like you being twenty minutes away from me. All alone."
"My parents and out of town guests will be arriving later today and they are all going to stay here."
"I know, I just...I can't bear to be apart from you. Especially now."
I kissed him gently on his lips. I knew he was jittery and needed me just as much I needed him whenever I felt as if I was about to lose my mind. I took his hand and pulled him towards the bed. I sat down and pointed to the spot next to me. He obliged but instead of sitting he lay back down and covered his eyes with his arm.
"Talk to me, baby. What's got you all dysfunctional?"
"I just want things to be normal. They feel too ritualistic. I don't want it to feel like an overwhelming thing. Can't we just get married right now?"
"I know exactly how you feel. We'll have fun. Nerves have a way of sucking the fun out of everything but I know deep down we want this just like this."
"I love you, Bella. I'm honored that you said yes."
We made out for a little while stopping just when Edward was beginning to lose it. I was right there with him but thankfully my arousal was not as noticeable as his. Sometimes, it seemed hard to be a man.
~IC~
"Tomorrow is the big day. We should both get plenty of rest," Edward whispered against my cheek.
Edward had been fidgety all week. Nobody else really noticed his nervous tics but they were blatant to me. The rehearsal dinner was the most relaxed I had seen him since we had arrived in Seattle. He was happy, nervous, but happy. I knew the feeling well because I felt it too. It was like a current of electricity that flowed through me.
Surprisingly I was not anxious. I was living the moment without my symptoms to distract me. I silently thanked Dr. De Armas in my mind.
"It's so early. I know I'm going to have a hard time going to sleep. I wish we could snuggle in bed for a bit," I said to him hoping he'd take pity on me and indulge me.
He smiled but shook his head. "Tomorrow, love. We can hold out for one more night, right?"
"I guess so." I said, forlorn. Quietly regretting putting the ban on sex before the wedding, after all. I hadn't dreamed a few measly weeks without sexual intercourse with Edward would be so excruciatingly difficult and lonely.
"Jasper and Emmett are waiting for me. We're having a guys night in."
"Alice and Rosalie are sleeping here tonight. My suite will be turned into a bridal pampering station. I guess I better head upstairs."
He kissed me softly then, barely touching my lips with his.
"I'll see you tomorrow my beautiful bride." I smiled and nodded.
I watched him walk away before heading to the elevator lobby. I felt in a daze.
I had just changed into my pajamas when there was a knock at my door. I quickly tied my hair into a pony tail before answering the door. The cavalry had officially arrived.
I almost gasped at the amount of stuff that Alice had brought. Garment bags and suitcases spilled from the cart the bellhop was pulling. I moved aside so as to allow him to maneuver and get inside.
"Alice, what on Earth is all this? I can't believe you brought so much stuff!"
"It's not all mine. Rosalie's stuff is here too, as well as your honeymoon suitcases. I packed what we bought for you and figured you and Edward could use a matching set. I left one suitcase with him so he could transfer his clothes into it."
I was relieved that she and Rose hadn't taken it upon themselves to pick out what I would be wearing during my honeymoon, aside from lingerie. I figured we wouldn't be wearing much anyway.
Rosalie joined us a few minutes later.
"The goal is to relax you," she announced as she set down her purse at the foot of the bed. "All this no sexing has you and Edward wound up tight. We'll do our nails, put on face masks and watch bad TV. Sound good?"
Alice and I looked at each other before nodding. Rosalie had a plan and I had no problem following her lead. It sounded like fun and I desperately craved a distraction from fawning after my husband-to-be.
~IC~
"Morning, bitches!"
"Rosalie, shut up," Alice said groggily, rubbing away any sleep from her eyes.
I groaned, trying to burrow into the covers not wanting to wake up just yet.
"Come on you two. I've ordered breakfast and it should be here in a few minutes. We have a lot to get done and it's already ten."
"Dum dum duh dum..." Alice stalked towards me, snickering with a devilish grin on her face.
I rolled my eyes at her, but on the inside I was smiling. I was finally marrying the love of my life today.
Knowing Rose was right I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to freshen up. By the time I got back there was a room service cart in the middle of the room and the smells of breakfast piqued my appetite.
A few hours later we were almost ready. Alice and Rosalie's hair was done and they were putting the finishing touches on mine. We still had make-up to do. I had always assumed that I would hire a professional to do my make-up but between Alice and Rosalie I knew I was in good hands.
"Are we expecting somebody?" Alice asked as she put down the curling iron.
"Don't look at me. My mom has already been here and we gave her a key card so she'd just let herself in if she were to come back," I said.
"I'll get it, Alice. You finish her hair."
She came back with a small cart loaded with a few splits of champagne and a platter of fruit and cheeses.
"There's a note," she said, handing me an envelope.
I quickly opened it. Tossing the ripped envelope aside as I did.
My dearest Bella,
Here is a little something for you and the girls to enjoy while you finish getting ready.
I feel so lucky to be only hours away from marrying you.
I love you with all my heart.
Edward
It was impossible for my smile to be any wider.
I was still smiling when we made our way downstairs to the waiting limo.
~IC~
EPOV
My parent's back yard had been transformed into a scene that looked as if it had been pulled out of a dream. It felt very surreal. As I walked down the aisle in order to take my place at the end of it I thought about Bella. Soon she would be making her way to me. I wondered if she'd be as nervous as I felt.
The guests chatted aimlessly until we got word that Bella had arrived. Emmett nudged me with his elbow and smiled at me. Jasper had a goofy grin on his face. I was glad to have them stand up for me. Bella had asked Alice and Rosalie to be her bridesmaids. Jacob was her best man.
The music changed and Jacob appeared at the archway. He slowly made his way down the aisle. Paul only had eyes for him. I couldn't help but notice how Jacob stopped briefly to make eye contact with him.
Alice then followed wearing a plum colored dress. I knew the color because it was all the girls had divulged in terms of detail. The dress was simple and very elegant.
Rosalie wore the same and Emmett couldn't have been more blatant in his ogling. I suppose Rosalie looked good but nothing could have prepared me for the breathtaking sight of Bella as she appeared on Charlie's arm.
She looked absolutely stunning and absolutely terrified. She seemed to float down towards me. When our eyes met everything else disappeared. I was transfixed. Nothing else mattered in that moment.
When Charlie placed her hand in mine I became aware of the tears that had escaped my eyes. Bella wiped them away as she took her place beside me.
I was thankful that my parents had insisted on a videographer as I couldn't remember saying my vows. It was all an exquisite blur. It was only when I finally said 'I do' that my feet returned to the ground.
When the minister declared that I could kiss my bride I immediately pulled her to me. Our kiss was too short but her soft lips moving against mine had me in heaven.
"I love you," she whispered when we finally came back up for air.
"I love you, Mrs. Cullen."
By the time we were done taking pictures it was evening. Our guests had been enjoying cocktails while our families and bridal party joined us for pictures. Bella and I took in the reception area before being joined by everyone else.
"It's beautiful. I love all the lights and candles," Bella said. She was in awe.
"Is it what you pictured?"
"It's better! The flowers look amazing. Everything is just...wow. I have no words."
We stood there for a moment, my arm wrapped around her waist.
"There you are, dears."
"Mom," I said, leaning down to kiss her.
"We're ready to start. Come now."
Bella and I followed her out hand in hand so that the guests could take their seats and we could make our grand entrance.
"I don't like being the center of attention," Bella said softly. She had been dreading our first dance and had begged me to arrange for us to dance alone where nobody could see us.
"Do you recall an audience when we said our vows? Because I don't. It was just you and me, baby.
"You're right. Once I'm in the moment they all fall away. It's the build up to it that drives me a little crazy."
Our first dance went unnoticed by either of us, at least I didn't feel like I was dancing. I felt embraced by Bella, by her softness, by her enticing scent. She sighed contentedly against my chest and I felt her body mould itself to me. For all her nerves she always calmed when she was in my arms.
After our dance it was time for toasts. It was the usual wedding stuff, funny, sweet, poignant. What surprised me most was when Bella stood up to grab the mic.
"I'm not usually one for public speaking but if there is a day to throw caution to the wind it's tonight. Thank you all for coming to share in our happiness today. Esme and Alice, you have worked tirelessly to make this day special. I cannot tell you how grateful we are to the both of you. Rosalie, your eye for fashion has rubbed off and it's the reason I look and feel like a woman. Mom and Dad, your support is most important of all. Without it I would not be here today."
She turned towards me then. Her eyes brimming with tears.
"Most of all I am thankful to my husband, Edward. Gosh, just saying the word husband feels strange and yet so right. Most of you know that Edward and I met at JFK about two years ago. I lost my passport and found my future husband. Edward has always believed in me, believed in us. He makes me want to be something more, something better. Not just for him, but for myself as well.
"I'd like to propose a toast to my wonderful husband. I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow, and for as long and wherever my dreams allow me to go, because without you, my love, I would only know sorrow."
I'm man enough to admit that my eyes did not water on account of something getting into them. Rather they watered because something got into my heart - Bella.
~IC~
"A hint. Come on! I'm going to know when we board the plane."
Bella was sitting with her legs on my lap as we rode in the back of a Town Car. She had been begging me for answers in between kisses.
"You'll know tomorrow, love. Right now I just want to get up to our room and ravish you."
"Mmm, that sounds nice. I'm sure that will distract me for a spell."
"Much longer than that, I promise." I winked at her. If only she knew the plans I had for her.
When we arrived at our suite I picked her up and carried her inside.
She squealed in delight. "Put me down!"
"It's tradition. Besides, you like this."
I set her down, eager to get out of my tux and help her get out of her dress. Our bags were already in our room, a different room to which Bella had stayed in the night before. Our moms had also placed various flower arrangements in the room. It looked like an extension of our reception.
"I love all the flowers," she finally said.
"They're wonderful, but you outshine them more than you could ever know." I smiled.
I tilted her head up with my hand and looked straight into her eyes as I brought my lips to her. As we kissed she pulled my jacket off and began unbuttoning my shirt. When she undid the last button I turned her around and began undoing the silk buttons that lined the back of her dress.
As her skin and lace underwear was revealed I grew increasingly more desperate. I was close to just ripping the dress off her but I managed to keep myself composed. Once I finished undoing the buttons I gently pulled down her dress until it pooled at her feet. She stepped out of it and stood before me, a goddess in white lace.
She took my breath away. She looked radiant and though not technically a virgin she was mine and mine alone. I was the only man she had ever been with.
I quickly shed the rest of my clothes until I stood naked before her. My queen. My wife.
"Get me out of this corset, please. I need to feel you. I need to feel your skin against me."
She kissed across my chest and ran her fingers down my back as I unhooked her corset. Once it was off Bella pulled down her panties, finally revealing the results of her wax.
"Perfect," I declared. I ran a finger down between her breasts all the way to the triangle of her sex. She hadn't gone bare, thank God. I liked that she looked like a woman. My woman.
"Let's take this to the bed. I want you. It's been too long."
"Don't forget it was your idea, baby."
She was stroking me as she walked backwards towards the bed. "Mmm, I know," she said breathlessly. "I'll admit, not one of my brightest ideas."
She reached the bed and pulled me down on top of her. She was frantic but I wanted to take this slow. At least, as slow as I could manage. I had a feeling I wouldn't last very long. For this reason I wanted to make sure she had an orgasm before I made love to her. It was the only way I could be sure that she would get off at least once.
I kissed her deeply, my tongue playing with hers while my hands palmed her breasts and tweaked her nipples. She was flushed, her cheeks and chest were reddened. Her breathing was shallow, and her eyes partially closed.
I continued my movements until I began my decent to her center. I licked and sucked at her breasts, taking my time with each one. When I finally touched her between her legs she was already wet and ready for me. I quickly sat up and rearranged her to my liking.
"What are you doing?" she asked sounding drunk.
"I'm going to feast on my lovely wife."
"But I want you inside me." She whimpered, her lips forming a pout.
"Believe me baby, I want that too. But, Bella, I don't think I'll be able to hold out long enough for you to climax and I want to bring you to orgasm."
She nodded and laid back down.
I immediately got to work, not stopping until she was crying out and shaking. She was still incoherent, tears running down her face when I covered her body with mine. I wiped her tears away and kissed her eyes.
"I love you, Edward. So much."
"I love you too."
Still kissing her and stroking her hair I slowly pressed myself against her until I was inside her.
Neither of us spoke a single word and when I finally spilled inside her it was with the knowledge that with her, inside her, and next to her - I was home.
a/n:
This is the last chapter. I can't believe it. When I first started writing this story I honestly thought nobody would read it. It's been so much fun for me to write this and share it with you.
Thank you to EMILY93, my beta and friend. If you've been reading for a while then you already know how much she brings to the story.
JMac3 - thank you for reading and reviewing every chapter! I can't tell you how much that meant to me. :)
I won't say goodbye just yet. There's an epilogue coming soon!
-Abby