Yayy I have time to write! I don't have time this weekend, though, so I decided to update today! I'm going to say this again, the next two weeks, there (probably) won't be any updates because of finals and stuff.

And I actually only recently read Death Note: Another Note and there was that part where they were talking about L's real name and that L might not even know which name would kill him, I thought it was cool that I thought of that, too, before reading the book. I'm not sure in which chapter that was, but I know for sure that I've hinted at it, so I felt a bit closer to the Death Note Universe when I read that. Anyhowsies, let's start the chapter!

**I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.

XxX

25. Victim

As soon as Olivia had left the room, Ryuzaki opened his eyes. 'Rem?' he said softly, even though he'd seen the thing leave a while ago, he was 89.99% positive it could still hear him. He also knew that the other one, the black one, was probably nearby, but he'd already deduced that Rem was more… helpful than the other one.

Ryuzaki had been right about Rem being able to hear him. The white thing came floating in. 'Yes?' he asked, his voice as expressionless as his face.

Ryuzaki didn't waste any time and started off where he needed to start off, speaking a bit quieter than usual because he didn't want the young woman in the other room to hear him. 'I am the current owner of the other death note, correct?' he asked the Shinigami standing in front of him.

A pause. Then, a small nod.

'So, when I give the ownership up, I would lose my memories of the existence of the death note, correct?' was his next question.

Again a short pause. Then a short shake with the head. No.

That wasn't he answer Ryuzaki had expected. 'And why not, exactly?' he asked.

The Shinigami thought about not answering that for a while, but it didn't seem like something that could harm anyone, so he opened his mouth to speak. 'Because you touched the death note before becoming the owner, all memories of the death note will remain, even when ownership is taken.'

'Tell me, is there a way you'll only kill me and not the others?' Ryuzaki asked, in his head hearing the protest Olivia would give if she was in the room.

Rem looked at him, still expressionless. 'If I think it's enough to save Misa, I'll only have to kill you.'

'And protecting Misa Amane includes protecting Light Yagami, even though you don't seem to like him all that much?' Ryuzaki mused.

The Shinigami nodded. 'Yes, it does.'

'Even if Misa would live her life well without Light, you would still kill me?' Ryuzaki tried, almost certain he wouldn't get an answer.

He didn't get an answer.

'Would you still kill me if that meant shortening miss Olivia's lifespan?' Ryuzaki then wondered. A dangerous question to ask. A dangerous thing to assume. But he had to calculate his chances of survival.

He got no verbal answer, but the Shinigami seemed to show some emption. He pressed his lips together, his long claw-like hands become fists and his eyes sharpened. Before Ryuzaki could ask anything else, the white creature left the room.

'I'll take that as a "yes" for now,' Ryuzaki muttered before standing and leaving the room. There was too much to do. He could sleep when his case was closed.

XxX

Light's new cell had a big window, which was a mirror inside the cell and a window outside the cell, so that the remaining Task Force could observe what was happening in the room. There screens there, meant to show him the evidence we had. To show him what he was, even though he couldn't remember it.

'What do you accomplish by doing that?' I had asked Ryuzaki after he'd explained his plan to me.

'The Light in that room doesn't know he is Kira,' he'd said. 'He is Light Yagami, the honour student. I believe in his judgement. I'm curious about what his judgement will be.' His eyes narrowed. 'And if he'll support when I tell him my plan.'

I hadn't asked anything beyond that, because I was almost certain that Ryuzaki's plan included him dying and that was something I rather not talked about, so I just said 'I see' and went back to my chair around the table, leaving L with his screens. Matsuda was sitting in front of me, he was typing reports, fake reports, to give to Interpol and the Japanese police. The FBI had already given Ryuzaki the permission to do so. The report would be that L captured the man behind Kira, but that he killed himself using his own power. Everything else about the case would be classified. So classified, it wouldn't even exist. All evidence and information would be destroyed. The only ones in the world who would know were the Task Force, the old and the current members, Ryuzaki, possible Light if Ryuzaki went on with his plan, and the head of the FBI. She and Ryuzaki seemed to have quite the friendship, which made me wonder if my theory about Ryuzaki never dating wasn't true. But right now wasn't really the moment to be jealous of the woman who swore she wouldn't even tell her fiancé.

Yagami was standing in the corner, by the counter, near the coffee machine and was looking at the ground. Hell, I was pretty sure I didn't want to know what he was thinking about. What we were about to do was something I wouldn't be able to handle if my kid were involved. Hey son, you just murdered a bunch of people. I know you don't remember it, so here's a bunch of evidence. Now. What do you suggest we do with you?

I shook my head, almost laughed. What was up with this messed up situation? 'And I thought I had already left messed up things in my life behind me.'

'What did you say?' Matsuda asked, looking up from his screen.

I faked a smile. 'I was saying Ryuzaki should really rethink his plan.'

'Rem won't kill the Task Force because they have orders to let Light go if he does kill me,' Ryuzaki said. He turned around to look at me. 'If you are wise, you'll follow my orders. Then only one has to die if Rem decides to free Light.'

'Why would you waste your life for that? Rem will lose nothing when he kills you then!' I said, suddenly so aware of the Shinigami's eyes in my back. Rem was standing behind me, Ryuk was hovering higher in the room, near the ceiling.

Even though Ryuzaki didn't look at me this time while answering, I could hear in his voice that he had some sort of smirk on his face. 'Because I'm betting on something he will lose when I die.'

XxX

I wasn't in the room with Ryuzaki as he entered the cell. He'd asked me. He'd asked Yagami. We'd both declined. I had actually expected Yagami to say 'yes', but he had said 'no'. He didn't want to stand there showing his son why he was Kira. I thought he would want to be there, so he could support his son, but I guessed wrong.

Ryuzaki had his hands deeper in his pockets when he entered Light's new cell. 'Hey, Light,' he said dryly. 'How's it going?'

I noticed that Light's eyes became different when he had no memories of being Kira. As I saw this eyes, I wondered why I ever dislike this Light, even thought this Light wasn't trustworthy. If I looked at him now, he looked more like an angel than the 'too perfect to be true'-boy I'd always disliked. I hated myself for wasting time disliking Light when he used to be likably enough. But I must admit that that did make this whole thing easier for me now. Matsuda and Yagami had always trusted him, liked him unconditionally. They were disillusioned. I had just been right.

'I'm sitting in a cell for god knows how many hours without a word and with strange gaps in my memories, but apart from that, I'm doing wonderful, thank you for asking.' Did I hear sarcasm there? Light only used that when he was making jokes, normally, and I was pretty sure he wasn't joking right now. This wasn't the old Light, I then realised. This was the Light that didn't remember being Kira, but he still felt the consequences. The gaps in his memories, being in prison without any explanation. Hell, I'd probably be sitting in the corner rocking back and forward, completely messed up, if I were in his situation.

'Right,' Ryuzaki said. Then he took out the notebook. 'Here's the explanation. Do you know what this is?'

Light looked confused, genuinely confused. He seemed to be having trouble keeping his mask on because of the situation he was in. I liked him more like this. Light reached for the notebook with his hand, but Ryuzaki pulled away. 'I'm sorry, I can't let you touch it. You see, when I do, you become Kira again.'

Light wasn't following. 'Kira again? Ryuuga, what are you talking about?'

'Light Yagami became Kira the day he picked this notebook up and stopped being Kira on the day he gave up ownership of this notebook.' Even though I couldn't see his face, I was almost certain Ryuzaki had an amused smile on his face. 'Let me give you a bit more context.'

XxX

It took hours, hours before Light finally began to understand. To realise what this meant. He saw the video's we took, saw how Ryuzaki explained every theory he'd had, everything he knew for certain and everything he knew Light had done. He told him about Misa, which seemed to disturb Light as well, as he clearly did remember a bit for her and her existence, and finally, he showed the video of him here in the investigation room, when he started to laugh like a maniac before giving up the notebook.

The twinkling light had left his eyes. His hands had become fists, but relaxed again. Ryuzaki handed him copies of the death note, let him read all the rules. You could clearly see on his face when he realised that Ryuzaki wasn't lying. Light Yagami was Kira. And now he himself knew it, too.

'I-I-I don't know what to say,' he said, almost a whisper. Matsuda had left the room to work on his files a few hours ago, but had come back when he saw the explaining was done on the screens in the investigation room.

Certain his father was there behind the glass, Light looked at the mirror. 'Dad, I-I'm so sorry.'

I never really like Light all that much.

I had never thought ill of the guy, I never do, but I hated it when people put up appearances and pretend like they're something that they're not. With Light, I'd always had a feeling he did that all the time. He had just felt too… perfect. The smart boy who never did anything wrong? It had always confused me. You could never tell what a person like that is thinking, because you don't know who – and what – the person really is.

And yet, when I saw him staring at the glass like this, my heart broke.

I swallowed something heavier than I could ever swallow. 'I need to leave,' I said softly, before working my way out of the room.

XxX

'Are you alright?' Rem asked as we were walking through the halls, walking past Misa's cell without a second thought.

I shook my head and for a while I thought that would be enough of an answer, but it wasn't, so I spoke. 'Misa needs to get professional help regardless of being the second Kira or not, so I have no problem with setting her free on the condition that she gets the help she needs. She has PTSD and probably ADHA, too. Maybe even more, I don't know. But she needs more support than she has right now. Light, he… he can't get that. He can get freedom, sure, but he didn't become Kira because he wasn't in his right state of mind. Being Kira changed him, but nothing was wrong with him when he choose to become him, so he has to take responsibility. And I just realised that I-I…' I stopped walking, pointed at myself while gasping for air as if I was crying hysterically, which I was not, actually. 'I just realised that I can't look at that. Justice? Is this justice? He doesn't remember making the choice, but that doesn't mean that that boy sitting there made that choice once. So, yes, I get it when Ryuzaki says he needs to be punished. But I can also say that I won't be there in that room watching. When Light goes to prison, it'll be the Light that didn't make the choice. The Light with a cleaner slate than I have and that—' I stopped to gasp for air for a short while before I could finish my sentence more calmly. 'And that is unfair.'

XxX

'Lock me up,' Light said, staring at the wall instead of the detective in the room.

'Excuse me?' Ryuzaki asked.

'That's why you are telling me all this, right? You are asking me what to do about me. I'm giving you the answer. Lock me up. I am apparently more than capable of being a monster and humanity deserves better than that.' He smiled a small smile, but there was no happiness in that expression.

Ryuzaki took a long pause, longer than he normally would, before saying: 'Thank you, but that's not why I decided to explain your position to you.'

Light looked completely baffled. He was now the one to ask: 'Excuse me?' Then he added. 'What more is there to ask? Do you want to execute me, is that it? Is that what I'm supposed to choose between?'

'No,' Ryuzaki said. 'The past few months my opinion of death has changed. It's not so much justice being served as it is a odd form of closure and mercy. I want to lock Kira up, but you?' He shook his head. 'It's not you I want to look up.' He took out the death note again.

Light started to shake by the mere thought of what he did with that… that thing. 'W-w-wait, w-what are you d-doing?' he asked.

'I'm giving you the choice I wanted you to make,' Ryuzaki explained, holding the death note between both thumbs and both index fingers. 'You are going to be locked up, probably for the rest of your life. Now tell me. Do think you need to go prison as Light Yagami, or as Kira?'

Yagami gasped, Matsuda frowned. 'What does he mean, Yagami-san?' Matsuda asked carefully, seeing how his chief started to sweat.

'You are asking me if I should go to prison like this or as the death note's owner,' Light said and he spurted out a short laugh. 'I almost understand any version of myself hating you, you know that?' he said to Ryuzaki before sighing.

'I'm aware. Most humans are perfectly capable of disliking me,' Ryuzaki reacted, not really the reaction Light had expected.

Even though he could've replied to Ryuzaki's words, he decided not to. Instead, Light his sighed again before saying: 'It would be better to punish the criminal who did this, but it would also be more dangerous, since I don't know how mentally stable Kira is.'

'The prison where I'm planning on sending you is strong enough to handle that, believe me,' Ryuzaki mused.

Light closed his eyes for a moment, tried to visualise himself inside a prison cell. Inside a prison. The food, the smell, he didn't even want to think about it. When he opened those eyes again, some of Kira's strength lied within them. 'Send Kira to jail.'

Ryuzaki nodded, slower than he usually would, and stood up. 'I promise to you that I will,' he assured Light before leaving the room. He walked past the room Yagami and Matsuda had been standing in and even though Matsuda came running after the detective, Yagami san kept standing there, staring at his son, who was just staring at the wall with empty eyes. He wondered when he tears would come. He wondered what he should tell his family. He wondered if he ever got to see Light again.

It wasn't too long after that that Watari came into the room with a small plate. 'I have brought some food for the young Yagami boy. Would you perhaps bring it to him?' Watari said. An opportunity, Yagami realised. To see his son, speak to his son, before he would become the owner of the death note again. Before his son would be Kira again. Yagami took the plate. 'Damn that freaking notebook,' he muttered before Watari opened the door to Light's cell and let the chief in to see his son for what he was one last time.

XxX

I didn't watch the screens in the investigation room. I didn't. Tried not to. But when some of them turned black all of the sudden, I couldn't help but notice.

I frowned and walked over to the screens. 'What the—'

'I decided some privacy between son and father was the least I could do to atone for my sins,' Ryuzaki said as he slowly came walking down the stairs.

I looked at him as he walked, having a million questions I didn't need an answer to. So I just said: 'I see.'

'But I was wondering,' he said as he closed in on me, way too close. I could actually smell his breath, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but in this situation, it definitely was. 'What are your sins, Allison Severs?'

Using my real name now, right, that was disturbing now, for some reason. 'Could you move?' I asked, trying to force myself away from his presence.

He grabbed my wrists. 'Watari called me to tell me about the conversation you had with Rem fifty-two minutes ago. You said Light Yagami's slate was cleaner than your own. But your record doesn't say anything that would detest to that. You are hiding something, something even the law does not know.'

I wanted to leave, but he had me trapped.

'So a young girl gets abducted by a group of criminals, who are part of a bigger network of criminals. You were the bosses pet, the investigator said. Your parents didn't want you back after you'd been found, for some reason.' He was pushing me back now, against the panel under the screens, so I really had nowhere to go. 'So what did you do, Miss Severs?'

I almost bit my tongue off. 'Never call me that,' I bit, even though I was in no position to give orders right now.

Ryuzaki seemed to realise then what it was he was doing, to some extent, at least. Didn't mean he would stop. 'What have you been hiding from me these past few months?' he asked, now it sounded more like something a friend would ask, not a detective.

'I didn't kill anyone, let's start with that,' I slowly said. 'But I did…' I bit my tongue. Couldn't say it. Couldn't even tell him the things that happened.

'You were drugged, Olivia,' using my current name again, now, okay then, 'there isn't much behaviour that wouldn't be an understandable reaction of—'

'I loved him.'

Dead silence. His hands even fell off my wrists. And even though I was mostly free right now, I didn't stop moving. Because I had never said these words out loud. And when they finally did come out, they wouldn't stop. 'I don't know why or how, maybe because my parents were crappy, but I honest to god cannot remember, but I wanted to stay there, for so long I- I wasn't happy, but I wasn't unhappy. I liked... I liked his attention, his gifts. His endless, endless bragging about me.' I was surprised I wasn't crying. 'I even protected them. Stayed with them when I could've left, never shouted or screamed when we were in public, never tried to contact the police. Not because I had no one else left in the world, not because he was threatening my parents, but because I wanted to.'

Ryuzaki wasn't looking at me anymore, he turned away, hands deep in his pockets and head even lower than usual. 'When did that change?' he asked me.

'When I became old enough,' I answered. He wouldn't understand how much was behind that one sentence. 'I wanted his attention and his gifts. Not his breath in my ear or his hands in my hair. I only realised where I was when I was old enough and the men there started to realise that that child pet of the boss was actually quite hot.' I felt my skin getting hot, rats all over my body. But I was still there, with Ryuzaki. Not in the past, not in the flashbacks. Maybe all those doctors had been right, I should talk about what happened. But not with them. Too ashamed to admit to a stranger that I stayed by their side. Like a victim. Like a helper. Like a spoiled brat.

But Ryuzaki didn't like criminals. I knew that even him, who I trusted enough to tell this, he… he wouldn't understand, he could never understand. He shouldn't understand. I was a messed up person who liked the attention more than the abuse. Enough to stay. Until the attention became less and the abuse became more. And worse. Ryuzaki probably found me disgusti—

Ryuzaki had put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me against him in less than three seconds. 'It's okay, it's not abnormal per se. It's okay.'

As if I needed someone to tell me that. 'He loved my hair so much,' I such against his shirt. 'My hair has never been its own colour ever since.'

It was meant to be a small joke and even though Ryuzaki chuckled a little, I was pretty sure it was faked.

I don't think we would've let go any time soon if only Matsuda hadn't walked in. 'I'm sorry, am I ruining a moment?' he asked.

Ryuzaki let go of me. 'No, not at all,' he said, not really sounding like he was lying.

'Yes, you totally were,' I said, not really sounding like I was lying.

And even though I purposely looked away from Ryuzaki, I hoped that he could at least smile a bit at that.

XxX

Chapter done! Almost in one day XD Half an hour until it's Saturday here!

I actually feel like this chapter was both too long and too short. Anyway, it's good enough, I'm going to bed. Bye bye!

XxX

(I'm sorry, but I'm really tired, so I won't reply to reviews today. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow and then update the chapter, idk. For now, I'm just going to sleep.)