WARNING Tissue Alert! I know most people don't pay attention to warnings, but in this case, you might want to heed my advice and make an exception. Get your tissues ready.
A/N: At the end.
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My Only Regret
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"Mad-Eye?" Remus asked, surprised he had dropped by for a visit.
"Remus." He nodded.
"Has something happened?"
The old Auror sighed heavily and nodded.
"Those two Aurors that you wanted us to investigate, they were found this morning."
"Why do I get the feeling that that isn't a good thing?" Remus said.
"Because it isn't. They were found in a muggle alley way, practically torn to bits."
Remus didn't flinch.
"Greyback." Was all he said.
"We think so." Mad-Eye told him.
"They were supposed to be his eyes and ears…. If he's disposed of them…."
"He'll be on the move again and his next target will be…."
"I know." Remus murmured, cutting him off.
"Where's Tonks?"
"Taking a nap. She woke up with quite the headache this morning."
"I doubt this news is going to make her feel any better…" Mad-Eye muttered.
"I'm not going to tell her."
"What?" Mad-Eye asked, arching his grisly eyebrow.
"She has no idea that I wanted you to have Hospers and Stubbs investigated. It will only make her worry more than she already is. She'll blame herself. I don't want that."
"I can understand that you don't want to upset her, sonny, but….."
"No, Alastor. I don't want her to know. She'll want to go after him if she finds out. Now more than ever, she needs to stay inside."
Mad-Eye regarded him for a moment before nodding.
"Alright, Remus, she's your wife, after all. But you make damn sure you come back to her."
Now it was Remus who arched his brow.
Mad-Eye laughed.
"I wasn't born yesterday, you know. You mean to go after Greyback yourself, don't yeh?"
"I don't have much choice."
"Mmm….You think Tonks would agree?"
Remus gave him a leveling look.
"Alastor, I need to keep her safe. I will protect her."
The edge in his voice masked nothing. He meant every word with every fiber of his being.
He sounded ready to go into battle, to die to protect her.
"Just…..be careful. She's been through enough and lost too much as it is. She doesn't need to lose you too."
-----
"Sir, do you think Moody went to tell Tonks?" Willaby asked.
"No, he went to tell Remus." Kingsley answered.
"Then why not tell Tonks too?"
"Because she will try to go after Greyback if she knows."
"But why tell her fiancée?"
"Because Remus is the one who gave us the lead."
"But won't he try to go after Greyback?"
"Probably."
"Then…?"
Kingsley turned and looked down at the young Auror.
"Willaby, Remus is a werewolf because of Greyback. If anyone knows the way that monster thinks, it's Remus. And don't forget, the child Tonks lost was also Remus'. Sometimes, justice must be taken in one's own hands."
"But that's anarchy…."
"And this is war. It's time you learned that things aren't always black and white. Often, they are shades of gray."
-----
"Ann…"
"What?"
"You need to stop this."
"Stop what?"
"Stop sitting around waiting for an owl. It's not healthy. You know Remus and Nymph are okay."
"But for how long?"
"Ann…."
"Seriously. Greyback is closing in on them. It's only a matter of time and then….." She didn't finish her sentence. Instead, she dissolved into tears.
Ted sighed and moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and she cried into his shoulder.
"That won't happen." He told her.
"You don't know that!"
"Remus won't let anything happen to Nymph. You and I both know that."
"But if he goes….."
"You sent him the letter…."
"I know! And I wish I hadn't!"
"Ann, he knows Greyback, what he's capable of. He's the only one who has a chance at tracking him properly."
"But if he…..Nymph couldn't bear that!"
"I know."
"Ted….."
"Hmm?"
"Maybe…..you and I should……"
He looked down at her and brushed her tears from her cheek.
"Wherever you go, I go." He smiled.
"Then lets go see Alastor. I want to find out everything he knows."
-----
"Actually, I was going to stop by later today." Mad-Eye said.
"I'm glad we could save you a trip." Ted grinned.
"Alastor, what's been happening? Have you found those two Aurors yet?"
Mad-Eye gave her a peculiar look.
"You know about them, eh? Remus tell you or…?"
Ann grinned.
"It's the other way around, Mad-Eye." Ted explained.
"Mmm. Thought it might be. Care to tell me where you got your information, Ann?" Mad-Eye asked.
"No, not particularly." She smiled.
"You could be an Unspeakable, you could."
"Even so, I'd much rather know if you've found those two Aurors." She told him.
"Not one to be sidetracked…." Mad-Eye said with a sigh. "We found 'em this morning, actually."
"Well?" Ted asked.
Mad-Eye shrugged.
"I wish there was more to tell you. They were dead, torn apart in a muggle alley."
"Torn apart?" Ann asked.
"Yeah. The muggle who found them thought it was some kind of dog attack. No dog could do that kind of damage."
"So you're sure it was Greyback, then?" Ted questioned.
"Pretty damn, considering what we know, yeah." Mad-Eye answered.
"Then he's getting closer." Ann said.
"Unfortunately, yes. But if he's killing his helpers, then he's becoming more dangerous." Mad-Eye told them.
Ted sighed and nodded.
"Don't tell me the two of you are thinking of going after him?" Mad-Eye asked.
"Why shouldn't we?" Ann demanded.
"It's bad enough that Remus wants to go after the bastard. Tonks doesn't need her entire family going out and leaving her alone! The two of you should bloody well stay put!"
"And what would you do Mad-Eye? Would you be content to sit at home and wait for an owl to tell you that your son-in-law had been killed? That your daughter was slaughtered?" Ted inquired.
"No, I wouldn't be content…"
"Well then…." Ann said.
"But I would stay there. You won't help matters by going after him."
"And if Remus needs help?" Ted asked.
Mad-Eye looked him in the eyes, both his normal and magical eyes fixed on Ted's.
"Merlin help him."
-----
"Was someone here?"
He turned and saw her ruffling her pink mop of hair.
"Mad-Eye stopped by to see how we were doing." He smiled.
"Oh… I would have come out and said hello…."
"I know, but I thought I should let you sleep. You've been a bit out of sorts lately."
And I know exactly why……
"Mmm….probably just a slight flu or something…though, I don't know how I got it." She said with a shrug.
The flu…….not even close, love….
"Are you feeling any better?"
"A bit." She smiled. "Did Mad-Eye have any news?"
"Unfortunately, no."
She frowned.
I hate lying to her…….
"I was hoping he would know something by now."
"Me too."
"Oh well….I suppose I should start on dinner." She smiled and moved toward the kitchen.
"You're going to cook?"
She turned and scowled.
"You know I can cook, Remus!" She said, her hands going to her hips.
"Yes, it's just that…you usually don't. It just surprised me."
She sighed and dropped her arms at her sides.
"I know. I just feel like I need to do something…. I'm going a bit nutters being cooped up in this house all the time."
He gave her a small smile.
"So, what did you have in mind?"
"I…well, what would you like?"
"Escargot, caviar, and haggis."
She blinked at him.
"You-you're serious?"
"Yuck, are you kidding? Snails, fish eggs? Come on, Dora. I would never want those." He said with a grin.
"What do you really want?"
"Why don't we just have a simple stew and potatoes, hmm?" He suggested.
"Alright, but will you help me?"
"Of course." He smiled.
"Out of curiosity, why did you say those other things?" She asked.
"An old Marauder dare. We snuck into the kitchens at school one night and dared each other to eat the most disgusting things we could think of."
"Who had to eat what?" She asked, walking into the kitchen.
He followed and grinned.
"Sirius had to eat the escargot and James got stuck with the caviar. Lily wouldn't kiss him for two days after that. He couldn't get rid of the fishy smell, poor bloke."
"And you had to eat the haggis?"
He nodded.
"It wasn't so bad… But I held my nose, swallowed as fast as I could and didn't let it touch my tongue." He chuckled.
She laughed.
"What's the worst food you've ever tasted?" He asked.
"Hmm…. Probably Limburger cheese."
He made a choking noise in his throat.
"Limburger? Why on earth…?"
"Mad-Eye likes the stuff. Said I didn't have the guts to eat it. Told me that if I could eat it, he'd train me personally. Obviously, he had to make good on that one." She grinned.
"I always wondered about that, why he personally trained you. I always thought it was because he's a close friend of Ann and Ted's."
She shook her head.
"He's a friend, but he would have been content to pass me off to another Auror to train. He was infamous for not training Aurors. Hell, even Kingsley didn't get trained by him."
"Didn't he pass the Limburger test?"
She smiled.
"Sure he did."
"Then why didn't Mad-Eye train him?"
"Because I was willing to eat Mad-Eye's cooking."
"Ah….Yes, that would be gutsy."
"Gutsy, schmutsy. I wanted to be trained by the best."
He smiled.
"Well, you've always been determined."
"You would know." She smiled back.
"Indeed." He said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "You usually get what you want. Perseverance pays off."
"With interest."
He chuckled.
"Yes, with interest." He agreed and he pressed a kiss to her cheek.
"Alright, not that this isn't fun, but if we don't start cooking now, we won't be eating before midnight and I'm a bit too hungry to wait that long for dinner."
"Okay, love. I'll start on the stew and you start on the potatoes. Deal?"
"Deal."
-----
She sighed and laid her head against his shoulder as they sat together on the sofa.
"Love?" He asked softly.
"I….I'm sorry…"
"For what?"
She bit her lip for a moment before answering him.
"I….I know I shouldn't keep getting my hopes up….It just makes the disappointment worse and it's not fair to you."
"About you getting pregnant?" He questioned.
She nodded.
He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer, dropping a chaste kiss to her forehead.
"You're allowed to hope, Dora. We both are."
"But I …..I don't want to burden you or make you feel bad because….."
He sighed and she trailed off.
She was always hopeful and it was heartening, encouraging.
"Do you think you make me feel unhappy, Dora?"
"I….."
"You don't. You never have." He whispered and when she looked up at him he smiled at her.
"But doesn't it frustrate you? I mean, the first time….I conceived right away….."
Indeed, you did….
"What frustrates me is seeing you fretting like this."
"I….I'm sorry, Remus…. I just….." She sighed again and shook her head. "I don't want to get my hopes up again just to find out it was a false alarm."
"False alarm?"
She nodded.
"Yeah….I'm….well, I'm a little late…." She admitted, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.
"Oh…." He said.
I should have realized…..
Of course she would find out…..I'm such an idiot…..it's hard not to notice something like that, isn't it?
"Like I said, it's probably a false alarm. Probably stress…." She said, a definite note of despair in her usually cheerful voice.
False alarm…..
Definitely not, love. It's for real…..
He nuzzled her neck, wrapping his other arm around her, effectively enveloping her in his hold.
"Remus…?"
He chuckled against her skin and smiled.
"Please don't worry, love. You remind me far too much of me when you do." He whispered.
She giggled and leaned against him, turning her head to press a kiss to his cheek.
"You were bound to rub off on me eventually."
"Even so…."
She smiled and he returned it before lowering his head to taste her lips in a gently kiss.
"Are you sure you can't sense any change?"
Of course I can!
Coconut and cinnamon…..both our scents…
"Nothing out of the ordinary." He told her.
"Hmm…..then it's stress."
"I'm sorry, Dora."
She shook her head.
"Maybe…..maybe it's better….I mean, Greyback is still prowling around and….well, you know…."
He nodded.
He knew.
It would be much safer if she wasn't but….
She was……
"Besides…" She said, smiling. "I can think of a brilliant stress reliever."
He arched an eyebrow at her.
"Can you?"
"Mhmm."
"And would it happen to be a good cure for headaches?" He smiled.
"I think so." She said.
He sighed and pressed his forehead to hers.
"I love you, my little Nymph."
"I love you too, Wolfie."
He smiled.
"Come to bed with me?"
"Give me a minute?"
He chuckled and nodded.
She stood up and smiled.
"I'll be right back.
He watched her walk into the next room and sighed as he got to his feet.
He'd officially run out if options and time.
Actually, he'd known it would come down to this….since that owl the morning after their wedding…..
He would have to go and…..
I hope she'll forgive me.
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"Dora?" He asked, turning when he heard her come into the bedroom.
She was wearing the satin gown she'd donned for their wedding night.
Smiling nervously, she stepped closer to him.
"I…um…..I thought…." She blushed.
He smiled and drew her into his arms.
"You wore this for me." He said and she nodded.
He leaned down and kissed her, slowly at first and then deepened the contact before pulling away, his eyes shining at her.
"You didn't have to…." He whispered.
"But you like it and…..you've…you've been a little distant lately, like something's bothering you….I just wanted to do something a little special…."
"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to push you away…."
She smiled up at him and shook her head, wrapping her arms around him tightly.
"It's alright. I don't imagine it's been easy living with me lately….I'm sorry too."
He cupped her face in his hands and smiled.
Her eyes looked up into his own and his heart was full.
She was all he needed.
And she was….
How am I going to leave her….?
His eyes shined down at her and she saw his love and something else….. Regret?
She stood on tiptoe and lightly kissed his lips, catching him by surprise.
"Please don't be sorry, Remus. I know you have good reason for everything you do. Just….please love me and let me love you."
For everything I do….
You have no idea, love…….
His eyes softened and a gentle smile graced his lips.
And then she herself lifted from the ground, held close and safe in his arms as he carried her to their bed and he pressed a soft kiss to her temple.
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He sighed as he watched her sleeping beside him peacefully.
Her pink hair was mussed and her cheeks still held a slight tint from their lovemaking.
She was beautiful.
And she had no idea that he would leave her….
The arm he had wrapping around her waist moved, his hand coming to rest over her abdomen.
His eyes strayed from her face to where his hand lay.
In a few days it would be a month since….
He smiled and gently let his fingers play across her soft skin, thinking of the precious life growing beneath his hand.
She wanted a child so much….a family……
And she'd been so frightened, worried that she wouldn't be able to……
And now….now she would be a mother.
Coconut and cinnamon…..
If scent was any indication, their child would be quite something, much like Nymphadora. And that was fine by him.
He wouldn't be surprised if the baby had turquoise hair or even bubblegum pink, like her.
Regretfully, he pulled himself from his musings and their bed.
It would not do to linger.
It would only be harder to leave…..
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead and then, with a heavy heart, he made himself walk away.
-----
She reached for him and woke when she realized his side of the bed was empty.
Instead of waking to see him laying beside her, she found only a piece of parchment in his place.
Dora,
I pray you'll forgive me for leaving. I know you didn't want me to go after Greyback, but I have no other choice now. He escaped from the Ministry with the help of two Aurors that were on the mission with you, Hospers and Stubbs. Mad-Eye came over yesterday to tell me that Hospers and Stubbs were found dead in an alley, torn apart. It's pretty obvious that Greyback is responsible and that means he's more of a threat than he was before.
I couldn't take the risk that he would come after you, love. Not now. I should have told you immediately, I realize, but I was afraid. Dora, I lied to you the morning after the full moon and I lied again last night when you asked me. I should have come right out and told you, I'm sorry. You haven't caught the flu and your headaches aren't from stress. You're pregnant, love. I didn't want you to go out after Hospers and Stubbs and have them or Greyback hurt you. I still don't want that. I want you to stay inside and stay safe.
Mad-Eye's done all he can. I know Greyback's mind better than anyone. He'll try to come after you next and I won't let that happen. Please, Dora, listen to me. I'll do whatever it takes to protect you and our baby, even if that means never seeing you again. Know that I love you with all my heart. And please, tell our son or daughter that I loved them. My only regret is that I won't be with you.
My will is in the desk drawer.
All my love,
Remus
P.S. Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind that you'll think I'm only saying you're pregnant to get you to stay inside. Perform the charm, love. And be as happy as you've made me.
Tears welled and spilled from her eyes as she read, trailing down her cheeks.
He went after Greyback to protect me…..
Me and…….
She scrabbled across the bed to the nightstand and snatched up her wand.
Taking a deep breath, she cast the charm and, as it had months before, silver mist wrapped around her middle and after a moment shined golden.
"Remus…" She sobbed, her hand going to rest over her abdomen.
Her eyes closed as she remembered the letter and she shook her head, tears flying from her eyes and cheeks.
He was ready to die to protect her…….He expected to die….
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A/N: The truth finally comes out. And Remus left! What a way to leave... Poor Tonks...
And no, this is not the end. Several of you have asked me when this story will end, how many chapters are left, etc. The good news is, this fic is going to be longer than 'Howl at the Moon', the bad news is, I don't really know how much longer. I know what I want to happen, I just have no idea how long that will take. More than just chapter 26, I can promise you that!
To all of you who have reviewed this story so far, my deepest thanks and most humble gratitude. It makes my day to read what you have to say about this fic and I appreciate that you take the time to tell me. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter as much as it's predecessors.
Now, be honest, who needed a tissue? I know I did!
Thanks for reading (please review!!!!!) and I hope I'll see you in the next chapter!
P.S.-- This author will not be held responsible for the possible water damage caused by the reading of this chapter.