Chapter 24: The Evil Twin's Always the One with the Moustache

A/N: Thanks to Amusant for the suggestion about what happened to Goyle. Also, thanks to harrypotterluver123 for betaing and to everyone who reviewed!

This is the last chapter *tear*. There's just an epilogue left!

~Frosty

"Pansy?" Blaise said in disbelief. His single quiet word would hardly have been able to travel across the room if they hadn't all fallen completely silent.

While everyone was staring at the new arrival, Draco had turned his eyes elsewhere. He frowned as he looked at the child before turning his eyes back to his former friend. His earlier comment about the kid's nose had been correct; it was a shame he'd inherited it from his pug of a mother.

Pansy turned her cool eyes onto the man who wanted to raise her child. "I'm not about to let someone like you raise the youngest Parkinson. He deserves better."

"He's living in a hospital in need of an operation that they don't have the funding to do and you show up now when he's about to get a new family?" Blaise asked. Hermione had rarely heard him anything but happy, so it was strange to hear him so worked up about something. It seemed that his heart really went out to the poor kid. She was a little comforted that everything would be fine with his little family if he was already so devoted to the boy.

"Silence!" the judge ordered. "Now, Miss. Parkinson, explain to everyone why it is that you've decided now to reclaim your child instead of last year when it became obvious that he would need the surgery."

For the first time since she'd entered the room, Pansy looked unsure. It was just a flash of emotion before she smothered it with her confident mask, but Hermione was staring at her hard so she noticed it. The ice queen was up to something.

"He's my blood and I'm not about to let anyone else raise him," Pansy said with her nose in the air.

The judge seemed skeptical. "Are you saying that you've only made an appearance to stop someone else from taking your child into a home where he has a chance at happiness?"

"Of course not! I've finally managed to save up the money to afford his operation and I've come to take him back to my loving home. I was so young when he was born; I wasn't ready to raise a child. But now, now I'm ready to take on parenthood." She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye with a finger, showing off her perfectly manicured nails and a large ring.

"I'm not sure I believe you, Miss. Parkinson, but the law on these matters is clear. If you are willing to take responsibility for the child, then-"

"Stop!" Draco stood from his seat. As much as he didn't think Blaise should be responsible for another life, he knew his friend would do a better job of raising the kid than Pansy ever could. "While everyone was staring at Parkinson's dramatic entrance, I was looking at her son. Did anyone else see the look of terror on his face when his harpy of a mother walked into the room? What kind of mother would she have to be for a child, known for their unconditional love of their parents, to react that way upon seeing her?" He sat back down, but immediately stood again when he caught sight of her shoes. "I'd also like to draw attention to her heels. If there's one thing my mother's good at, it's shopping. She bought that same pair of heels last year. I remember this because Father was upset that they were so expensive. The things cost enough to pay for this operation ten times over." That said, he took his seat once again. Beside him, Hermione smiled radiantly.

The judge was looking at Pansy with disgust. "Miss. Parkinson, kindly remember we have access to Veritaserum and you will be subject to it should you still want your son back."

Pansy paled. "Fine, I'm only here because I don't want Zabini to raise my son."

"You forfeited the right to decide that when you gave him up for adoption," the judge said sternly. He waved at the Aurors standing beside the doors and they stepped forward to escort her from the room. Nose in the air again, Pansy strutted from the room like she thought she was some kind of runway model. Her delusions had obviously escalated to an alarming level if she thought anyone would look at her with anything but contempt after her little display.

As soon as she was through the door, everyone started chattering. From what Hermione could hear of the things being said, none of it was complimentary towards Parkinson.

Everyone had to be called back to order with a resounding bang on the judge's gavel.

"I grant custody of this child to Blaise Zabini," he said with another bang of the gavel.

With a huge smile Blaise rushed scooped Todd up in a huge hug. He even tried to rush over and hug the judge, but was turned away by a very disapproving looking Auror. Contrite, but unable to restrain his excitement, Blaise grabbed Luna in a one-armed hug and Todd's shoulders with the other and tugged them from the courtroom.

Hermione and Draco followed the others out of the courtroom.

"You're officially Blaise junior," Blaise told the boy. "I was thinking 'Popcorn' for a middle name. It's delicious stuff as long as you know how to pop it, otherwise, you only gnaw on the crunchy bits and they don't taste very good."

The boy wrinkled his nose. "Blaise, my name's Todd."

"Yes, but that's a perfectly boring name. I really don't know what your mum was thinking. How about just 'Popcorn'? We can skip Blaise junior."

Hermione looked around at the other people listening to the conversation, hoping she wouldn't have to be the one to inject some sanity into the situation. Luna was nodding along happily, and Draco looked like he dearly wanted to start banging his head against the wall. Well, it was up to her then.

"Blaise, don't you think it might be a good idea to let him settle in before you start changing things? You want to make a smooth transition." She could only hope he'd see reason and leave the poor kid and his name alone. Who wanted to be named after a snack food? Obviously not little Todd if the grateful smile he directed towards her was any indication.

A Mediwitch approached them. "We'd like to get the operation started as soon as possible. If you could just say your goodbyes?"

Blaise hugged Todd and then moved aside for Luna and then Hermione to hug the child.

When Draco's turn came, he didn't hug him. It wasn't entirely unexpected, but his wife still gave him a reproachful frown. The blond rolled his eyes and stepped into place in front of Todd.

Draco stared at the child with an unreadable expression that was making the young boy visibly uncomfortable. Just when Hermione was about to intervene, the blond kneeled down to Todd's level and murmured a few things to him.

When he had finished, Draco was looking pleased and the child appeared to be more comfortable with his new situation. The nurse escorted the boy away with Blaise and Luna trailing behind so they would be at the hospital when he awoke.

"What did you say to him?" Hermione asked Draco.

"Don't be afraid to whack Blaise when he starts doing stupid things like trying to change names into snack foods, or lock up people's wives," Draco watched the newly-formed family with something akin to worry. "With Lovegood and Blaise raising him, that boy is going to end up the voice of reason in their house – poor kid."

Hermione was scribbling so furiously on the paper resting on her lap that she didn't notice Draco come into the room. He stood for a moment in the doorway wondering why there were files spread out across his bed when she could have used one of the many desks in the house, or even her own bed.

"Hermione?" he asked. It seemed that she didn't hear him; the scribbling of her quill didn't even slow down at his voice.

"Hermione?" he tried again, starting to get impatient with her continued indifference to his presence.

She continued to ignore him. Draco didn't like being ignored, particularly by his wife while she was in his bed. What paperwork could possibly be more important than him?

Silently, he stalked across the room, shucking his shirt as he went. That was sure to get her attention. He stopped and watched as she her attention remained firmly on the papers. Her honey eyes hadn't even glanced over at him!

When he whipped the paper out of her lap and threw it across the room, she started and finally noticed his presence.

"What was that for?" she demanded, moving to get up and retrieve the papers.

Draco pushed her back down by her shoulders and climbed into the bed with her, not caring that he was crinkling things that were probably important. He was dead set on making her not care as well. "Nothing is important enough to distract you while you're in my bed and I'm standing half-naked in front of you."

Finally understanding what had him so upset, Hermione laughed. He was acting like a cat that got pouty and sat on papers when she wasn't showering it with attention as it believed she should. "Don't be such a child Draco. I have to do work sometimes, and I figured since you usually read before bed, it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me to keep you company while I do paperwork."

His silver eyes narrowed at her. "You're calling me a child while I'm pinning you to the bed?"

"Only because you're being a child and pinning me to the bed. Now what was it you wanted before you got all worked up about my attention being elsewhere?"

Draco actually had to pause and think about what it was that had caused him to go seek out Hermione. "Couldn't have been very important if I've forgotten already."

That said, he leant down to kiss her.

It was a few hours later when Draco suddenly remembered what it was that he'd been forgetting to tell his wife – ask her really.

"Do you have any idea where Goyle is? You knew last time and I was just wondering..." he trailed off, unsure how to finish the question without getting himself in trouble on the off chance he was wrong.

"If I left him somewhere horrible and forgot about him?" she finished for him, understanding where he'd been going with the question.

He nodded.

Thoughtfully, Hermione placed a finger on her cheek and lightly tapped it against her skin. "I do have this niggling feeling that he may have somehow ended up a female and stranded at sea on a sixteenth century pirate ship."

Draco was impressed. "Why a pirate ship?"

"Because it's very likely that he'll be treated like an object and harassed. Even if he isn't, he'll be reduced to serving wench at best. Hopefully, he'll learn a little respect for women."

Not completely convinced that her idea was going to work, but unwilling to refute her – particularly after hearing what she'd done to his former friend, Draco only nodded. "Or at least a deep hatred of pirates."

Goyle always had seemed to take orders well; maybe he'd be a good serving wench.

"Why did you want to know where he was?" Hermione asked.

"Blaise is throwing a party for Todd when the tyke gets out of the hospital after his operation; I didn't want him accidentally hiring Goyle to give the children donkey rides."

Hermione snorted at the idea.

"I don't see why we had to bring a present," Draco muttered as they Apparated into Blaise's home.

Hermione rolled her eyes; she'd been having this argument with Draco for the past hour, ever since he'd wandered into the room and fond her wrapping the gift. She was pretty sure it wasn't the gift itself, but the wrapping paper that he'd found fault with. It was a bright blue with little clowns and confetti scattered randomly across it. The glitter had been particularly offensive to him, but what he really seemed to hate was the curlicues of ribbon that she'd used scissors to curl by hand instead of looking up a spell that would achieve the same result.

"And why do I have to carry it?" he grumbled.

She fluttered her lashes at him in an overly girly expression that she would never use seriously. "Because you're the big, strong man in this relationship."

Draco huffed, not believing her. She just didn't want to be seen carrying the ridiculously frilly box and looking like an idiot. There was obviously some kind of evil thrill she was getting from making him carry the present.

The pattering of small footsteps met their ears the moment they were inside the house. Todd came into view looking much healthier than he had the last time they'd seen him. His cheeks had filled out a little and they were pinker than before. He looked happy.

When his eyes landed on the present, they rounded to the size of saucers and he started bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Is that for me?"

Draco nodded and set the box on the floor, glad to be rid of the thing.

"Hermione, Draco, you made it!" Blaise said happily.

Neither of the Malfoys could answer, they were too busy staring at Blaise – particularly the strange thing that resided just below his nose.

"Blaise, what the hell is that on your face?" Draco demanded.

Bringing a hand up to stroke the sleazy moustache that he'd obviously stuck to his face with an adhesive, Blaise grinned. "I'm not Blaise, I'm his evil twin Fabio. You can always tell the even twin by the moustache." He looked down at Todd. "Where's your moustache young man?" His voice was surprisingly stern considering his unusual request.

"It fell off somewhere. I don't like it because it's itchy," the child complained. His eyes slid to the floor, making Hermione suspect that the boy had purposely hidden it somewhere.

"You will wear your moustache or you won't get any cake."

Hermione had heard parents use that tone with their children before; when he dad used it, it usually meant she was in big trouble. It was for serious things, like an accidental use of magic that nearly lit the babysitter on fire, or the time she'd tied one of the neighbour children to a tree and left him there overnight for making fun of her teeth and her hair, never for something as silly as a misplaced moustache.

Pouting, Todd left the room in search of his fake moustache.

"I think I'm getting the hang of this parenting thing," Blaise said excitedly to Draco.

So great was Draco's desire to hit his friend that Hermione could see his hand twitch towards him. She was obviously going to have to handle this one. Her husband would need to be stopped from hitting his friend before she gave Blaise a talking to.

Reaching towards him, Hermione grabbed Draco's hand and laced their fingers together. He relaxed slightly, but she was going to have to keep an eye on him if Blaise was going to continue with his backwards parenting ideas.

"Blaise-" she started, only to be interrupted by the appearance of Luna, also wearing a moustache.

"Have any of you seen Todd? I found his moustache stuck on one of the House Elves in the kitchen," the dreamy blonde asked. She held up a smaller version of the furry thing both she and Blaise had stuck on their faces. Hermione tried not to laugh at what it must have looked like on a House Elf. She briefly wondered if that would count as a gift of clothing and stored that idea away for later.

"Luna, I'm pretty sure it's only the male evil twins that wear the moustaches," Hermione said.

"Don't be silly, Hermione." Luna waved her wand, causing a moustache to appear on both Hermione and Draco. The latter of which immediately ripped his off and incinerated it with an angry stab of his wand.

The blonde woman swayed off in the direction Todd had left in.

"Isn't she great?" Blaise asked, sighing after her.

They were saved from having to answer by the pop of another Apparation. The clicking of heels announced the reappearance of someone they'd all been hoping never to see again – Pansy.

"What's she doing here?" Draco said; his voice heavy with venom and his knuckles white around his wand.

"She's his birth mother, Draco. I can't just cut her out of her son's life," Blaise explained, serious for once.

Pansy crossed her arms as she took in the trio standing in front of her. "I'm not staying long; I just couldn't pass up a chance to gloat about the marriage you two are stuck in." She scrunched up her nose in disdain when she caught sight of the moustache Hermione had yet to remove from her face. "I figured I'd only need to stay for a few minutes, so I didn't bother bringing the kid a present. I've already ruined my figure to give him 'the gift of life'."

Opening and closing her mouth like a fish, Hermione wasn't sure what part of the cruel tirade she should address first. Luckily, Draco had no such issues.

"You know, Pansy. I hated you for saddling me with Granger, but once I realized I loved her more than anything, I felt sorry for you because the only love you'll ever know is for yourself."

She looked outraged, spots of colour growing on her cheeks. As she opened her mouth to call them all manner of horrible names, Blaise interrupted her.

"I thought you genuinely wanted to be a part of Todd's life, but if you're only here to gloat you can just leave," he said firmly.

Pansy crossed her arms and glared. "I don't think I will. I want to have a few words with my son before I leave. I'm going to tell him-"

She popped out of existence midsentence.

Blaise looked at Draco accusingly, but the blond was looking at his wife. "Where'd you send her?" Draco asked.

Hermione grinned, making her moustache bunch up towards the middle. She was really taking the 'evil twin' thing seriously. "Pirate ship," she said, as if that explained everything. Blaise was confused, but judging by Draco's expression, it did.

"Is Pansy there to learn some respect for women as well?" Draco questioned. Blaise made a mental note to find out what in the world they were talking about.

"No. She just pissed me off."

Draco chuckled and kissed the top of her head.

"I found my moustache! Cake and presents now?" Todd asked, running into the room with his moustache back in place.

"I don't know why I associate myself with you people," Draco muttered.

Hermione waved her wand and conjured another moustache to stick over the blond's frowning mouth. "Because no matter how much you complain, you love us all."