Chapter 25

Leliana sat nursing a pint of dark beer in a corner of an inn somewhere near the Fereldan border. After having camped many nights out in the open, it was a relief to spend the night under a roof once more. Together with the Wardens Elissa and Alistair, she had been sleeping for months in a row in a tent, or under the stars, while they were fighting the Blight and at the same time trying to prevent a civil war. But for some reason or another it hadn't seemed as uncomfortable back then to lie on a thin bedroll in the damp cold night air that seeped into her clothes as it did this time. Perhaps because they had been on a mission to save the world, or at least to save Ferelden, she mused. And the fact that the decision to accompany the Wardens had been her own, certainly had helped to overcome all the little discomforts. She had been convinced the Maker himself had given her that task, so who was she to complain about a few stones in her back or the disgusting food Alistair managed to concoct? Her thoughts wandered to the moment she'd met Elissa Cousland in Barlin's tavern in Lothering in the middle of a fight. She suppressed a little smile; the woman had had a talent to attract all sorts of problems and many fights soon would follow.

The memory of Lothering brought her back to the reason why she was sent on a new mission. Marian Hawke. She remembered her well and still could hardly believe the girl was a mage. She had spent hours with her practicing the roguish skills of knife fighting and had taught her the tricks of laying and avoiding traps. She knew, of course, her father and sister were mages – the whole village had known – but never had she suspected it had passed on to Marian as well. If this was really the case, she hadn't been eager to show or use her endowment. Or had been extremely good at hiding it. Leliana let out a light sigh and took a sip of her ale.

Up till now the journey had gone smoothly; the commanding captain (or rather Baron Villefranche, Leliana suspected) had decided they would travel over land, disguised as a band of mercenaries to avoid unwanted identification and commotion. After all, they were on an assignment to secretly take three persons into custody and it would be very inconvenient if their targets were warned up forehand. The weather had been fine, except for an occasional light shower, which was normal for this time of the year, and they had made good progress.

Nevertheless, the former bard didn't feel at ease. It was clear she was considered an outsider in their undercover special squad. The seven other members of their group had been carefully avoiding her, and the captain, Ser Beaugris, had been throwing outright hostile glances in her direction when he thought she didn't notice. She had grown tired of it, what was why she had separated herself this evening from the others. With the excuse she was feeling cold, she had moved to a small table close to the roaring fire. Summer was approaching fast, but in the south the nights could still be chilly. While she was ruminating over her memories of Marian Hawke, she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. Warily she watched how Ser Beaugris rose from his seat and strode towards her little corner beside the hearth in a determined way. He sat down on the bench opposite of her.

He glared coldly at her before he saidstraightforwardly, 'I've been keeping an eye on you, and although I haven't found or sensed anything suspicious, I simply don't trust you.' His icy pale blue eyes pierced into hers and would have made someone without her training shiver. Leliana kept her calm composure. 'I still wonder why Villefranche saddledmewith you. Speak up, has he sent you with us to spy on me? Are you to sabotage this expedition?'

'I don't know what you mean,' Leliana answered unperturbed, meeting his glance without a blink. 'He told me I was given this opportunity to proof myself. That's all.' His words didn't surprise her; she had been with the Seekers long enough to know they would sabotage anything, even operations of their own, if they thought it would serve a greater purpose.

'To proof what exactly?'

'That I am worthy of becoming a senior Seeker. I was made to understand this is common practice.'

'Were you now.' Beaugris's harsh voice obtained a malicious undertone. He was silent for some heavy moments. 'I don't know what you did to gain Villefranche's confidence and frankly I don't want to know. But rest assured I will keep watching you, you little red-haired bitch, and if I detect even the slightest suspicious behaviour, I will not hesitate to take severe measurements. Protégée of the big man or not, accidents can always happen. Do you understand?' he growled.

Leliana offered him her sweetest and most meek smile. 'I understand perfectly, captain, but I assure you that you won't find anything amiss. I have specifically been told to follow your orders.'

He glared at her some more but didn't seem able to entirely keep up his callous demeanour. 'I will not even give you the benefit of the doubt but you could start with winning a sliver of trust by joining us at our table, instead of isolating yourself.'

While she followed Beaugris's long, muscular frame, Leliana groaned inwardly. It would be far more difficult to spend time alone with Wynne and Marian Hawke than she already had feared.

Hadriana had never felt so relieved as when she got back on deck and deeply inhaled the tangy salt tasting air. They had been hit by a storm that had lasted for two days. Two horrific days of being tossed around and hurled up and down by waves that had been higher than the Argent Spire in Minrathous, and more menacing than the gruesome beasts that were let loose in the Grand Proving Arena to devour each other or the men that were forced to fight them. Two never-ending days of aforced stay in the hold amidst people who were scared to death, praying out loud, yowling, screaming and vomiting and soiling themselves out of sheer dread. Two terrifying days in which she found out her magic was useless against the fury of this ferocious tempest and she was convinced she would perish.

When it was all over, she had been astonished the ship hadn't gone down and she had still been alive. She scrambled on deck and sank down against a wooden barrel that amazingly not had fallen overboard. She gulped in clean fresh air and stared at the clear blue sky above her, innocently bright as if nothing had happened.

'This was a narrow escape,' the voice of the captain sounded above her. 'Even a seasoned old salt as I will admit that. The ship has suffered considerable damaged, though, and it will take some time to repair her. I'm afraid our arrival at Amaranthine will be delayed by several days, if not a week.'

Hadriana just nodded and waved him off. She was more than glad she still couldbe delayed, getting angry about it could wait for the moment.

When he woke up, the first thing Fenris noticed was that he was no longer in pain, and then that he could breathe again. Soon after that he realized his bonds were gone and that he was lying in a bed. Apparently, someone had made an effort at washing his bloodied and grimy body and had dressed him in a loose shirt of some soft material; it felt like expensive were no bandages. He tested his lungs by taking in a few deep breaths. He encountered no difficulties; it was a blessing to be able to breathe freely again. He was still somewhat sore but the agonizing ache was gone. He was pretty sure that the last time his consciousness still worked, he was about to die, but for some reason he was convinced he hadn't woke up in the Void. For starters, there was actual air to breathe in. He opened his eyes. It took a few moments to let his eyesight adjust to the dim light surrounding him and when he could see properly, he found himself staring at an unknown ceiling. Still a bit groggy he mulled over the fact that it was remarkable how many different ceilings there existed. This one was constructed out of wood. With some difficulty, inwardly cursing the stiffness of his body, he managed to sit up. The bed and the walls of the room were as unfamiliar as the ceiling had been. He couldn't distinguish much of it in the diffuse light, but what he saw didn't ring a bell. Where the hell was he and by whom had he been taken here?

Then he saw Hawke who was sleeping in a chair next to the bed and his new-found breath hitched. Wherever he was, it wasn't in a hostile environment; Marian was here. She had come for him. She had come for him and found him and freed him. He couldn't remember it but her presence made it clear. He frowned when a fleeting remembrance pointed out a whiff of rosemary, just before or after that moment he lost his life. Before, apparently. He wouldn't be in this strange room otherwise, totally aware of his existence. He tried to concentrate on what was important. After all the utterly stupid and hurtful things he had thrown at her and the ultimate betrayal of running away from her, whatever his intentions might have been, she had searched for him and saved him. He couldn't even begin to imagine through how much trouble she had gone to do that. It made him feel warm and grateful and humble.

The door opened and he instinctively reached for his weapon that wasn't there. The short moment of panic passed when he saw Wynne entering the room. He put his finger to his lips, indicating at the sleeping Hawke. The Fereldan First Enchanter just nodded with a little understanding smile. She walked over to him and sat down on the bed.

'How are you feeling?' she whispered.

'Well enough. And alive to my amazement. Where am I?' he whispered back.

'In the royal palace. But I'll leave the story of the bold rescue-operation to Serah Hawke. Let it suffice to say you were taken prisoner by some Antivan merchants by order of a small group of Tevinter slavers.' She saw the sudden panicked look in his eyes and added, 'Neither Danarius nor Hadriana had anything to do with it. It was pure coincidence, or should I say a typical case of very bad luck, they spotted you at the docks.' She rose and poured a glass of water from an earthen jug, sitting on a small table beside the bed. 'You must be thirsty,' she said, handing him the glass.

He hadn't realized how thirsty he was until he started drinking. She poured him some more water. When he had finished, she put the glass back on the table.

'Fenris,' she began a little hesitantly, 'I know your feelings towards magic, so I think it's just fair to tell I had no other choice than to apply it to heal you.'

He stared at her with an unfathomable look. 'And now you expect me to burst out in rage for the impertinence of saving my life?'

Wynne had to press down a chuckle. 'No, Fenris, I didn't expect that. I only thought you ought to know. Now with that settled, if you wish you can freshen up in the bathing room at the back. Do you feel strong enough to do this on your own or do you need assistance?'

'I think I can manage.'

Wynne noticed his pace was steady when he walked to the bathing room. She fluffed up his pillows and sat down again. 'Yes, I know,' she spoke softly after a while, as if she was answering an invisible person. She rested her eyes upon Hawke's sleeping form. 'He was dying, even my healing abilities wouldn't have let him survive ...' She rubbed her face. 'I could not let it happen, it would have killed her. Their love is strong, it was worth it.' She tilted her head as if listening to a voice only she was able to hear. 'No. He must not know and neither must she. I am grateful for your help but they would not understand.' She let out a sigh. 'Yes, he will notice – something, I'm certain, but please don't disturb him too much. We will not converse about this again. What's done is done and I don't regret it.'

Fenris leaned back into the pillows. On Wynne's advice, he had gone back to bed. She claimed he needed to rest but he didn't feel as tired as he should. She hadn't given much information about his injuries but he knew damn well he'd been in such a bad condition that death had been very close. He had not much experience with healing magic but enough to know that even a well skilled mage wasn't able to restore a battered and broken body to health this fast. Even Anders couldn't have accomplished that. He loathed the man but the one thing he was willing to accept, was his healing capability. Normally he would put his swift recovery down to his markings, but due to the enchanted bonds they still didn't workadequately. After some contemplation, he decided to prod the subject no longer; perhaps Wynne was indeed extraordinarycompetent. Even more than Anders. He liked that idea.

He looked at Marian. She sat curled up, her legs tucked under her. Her head rested against a pillow propped up behind her shoulders, her face was half covered with locks of her hair that gleamed golden in the shimmering candlelight. She looked peaceful in her sleep and yet traces of sorrow and concern seemed to linger in her beautiful features. His doing, he thought remorsefully. The blanket that wrapped her frame had slipped and revealed a light blue tunic with long sleeves that covered her arms, but on the other hand made no secret of her attractive breasts. In this position, her cleavage was almost as inviting as the one the pirate queen so much liked toput on display. One sleeve had crawled up to her elbow. He saw a long pink scar of a freshly healed nasty cut running over her underarm and his stomach knotted. Because of me. He lost track of time watching her and at some point, he realized dawn had broken; a faint light fell into the room through the half-opened curtains. Suddenly she stirred and opened her eyes. She looked a bit blurred and puzzled as if she tried to figure out where she was but then her eyes widened in pleased , however, immediately clouded over.

'Fenris! You're awake!' Her voice sounded happy but she lookedwary. 'And you're sitting up! Are you feeling alright?' She bit her lip in a nervous way and her fingers fidgeted with the blanket. She smiled but he could see it wasn't genuine, no matter how hard she tried.

'I'm fine,' he said carefully, wondering what her uneasy demeanour meant. He pushed back the sheets and coverlets and swung his legs over the edge of the bed to sit in front of her.

On her turn, she threw off the blanket and stood up as if she recoiled from his likely touch. She stepped to the side table and reached for the glass and jug. 'Do you mind if I drink some of your water?' Her voice sounded strained.

'By all means, go ahead.' He got more anxious by the minute. 'What is wrong, Marian?' A nasty feeling started to turn his innards into ice. She wants to leave you.The irksome little voice was back.

She drank half a glass of water and sat down again, pushing her back hard against the chair. She looked at her hands,that were idly lying in her lap, ostentatiously avoiding his penetrating concerned look. Her lips moved as if she wasn't certain what to say and was silently trying out some sentences. 'I'm so sorry, Fenris, I know you hate it but Wynne had to use magic on you,' she blurted in the end. He was positive this was not the most important issue on her mind right now and that she had wanted to say something completely different.

'Yes, I know already and I don't mind,' he reacted with an impatient gesture, 'those days are behind me. Now tell me what's really bothering you. You have me worried.' You know damn well what's bothering her. You are, you idiot, or rather your stupid behaviour and stinging words. That'swhat's bothering her. She's just trying to find a way to tell you it's all over.

She clasped her hands together and pressed her lips. Her face twitched as if she was in great pain. She took a shuddering breath. 'I don't understand. Why are you so, so ... aren't you angry with me?' she finally managed; her voice sounded tense and tormented and very scared. 'I can't blame you if you are,' she added nearly audible.

This was the last thing he thought she would come up with. He was dumbstruck and for a few moments he didn't know what to say. He, angry with her?! 'Why in the name of all that's considered holy should I be angry with you?'

When she looked up her eyes were filledwith tears. 'I yelled at you, didn't want to hear your intentions and motivations, I said the most terrible things – '

'Marian – '

'I called you a coward!'

'I was a coward.'

'No!' she cried out, vehemently. 'You wanted to protect me, you set off to find that woman to prevent she would harm me. You were willing to give up your life and liberty for me and I called you a coward!' By now the tears were streaming freely down her face.

He bent towards her and took her hands in his. 'Marian, please look at me.' When she did he was deeply moved by the expression of sadness and despair on her face. 'How can I be angry with you? You didn't do anything wrong. As a matter of fact, I feared you would be the one being furious. I wasn't thinking straight the moment I ran out of that tavern. I hurt you. That regrets me more than I can say.'

She shook her head, her lips trembled. 'All the time I was only occupied by my own trepidations and always you were there for me.' She swallowed hard and tried heroically but in vain to stop her tears from gathering. 'And the moment you get pestered by your past, I start screaming at you instead of being supportive.'

He tugged at her hands and she rose from the chair to sit down next to him. He cupped her face and wiped away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. His lips brushed against hers. 'Please, love, don't cry,' he whispered. 'You're being completely unfair, stop blaming yourself. You have been more than supportive every time I needed you.' He put his arms around her and she laid her head on his shoulder, leaning into him.

'When I found you, I thought you were ... I thought I lost you,' she croaked. 'And that the last moments I saw you,had been spent on a stupid fight and horrible words.' He felt the shuddering of her body every time she took a breath. Gently he stroked her back and pulled his fingers through her tangled hair in an attempt to calm her down.

'Are you leaving again?' she sniffed after a few minutes.

Shocked by her question, he tilted her face and looked into her eyes. 'No. I'll never leave you again. I was a fool to do so.' He paused for a moment and then continued in a soft tone, 'The last thing I saw before I thought I passed away, was your face. Your wonderful smile, your radiant eyes. I even imagined I felt your touch. I thought it was the last thing I would sense before I died and I was in peace.' He tenderly kissed her. 'I can't live without you, I never should have left in the first place.' He kissed her once more. 'I realised in that cage how much you mean to me. You have become a part of me, the most significant part.'

Marian took in his words with an enormous relief and growinghappiness. He wasn't angry, he didn't reject her. And much more important, he was alive and awake and whole. Just a few hours ago she would have given anything for that. She embraced him and buried her face in the crook of his shoulder, breathing in his intoxicating scent of wild forest and sun stroked earth. She rubbed her cheek against his warm living skin and with the outflow of the anxiety and nervous tension, she felt the first pinpricks of arousal teasing her centre. She realized that now he turned out to be alive and still hers, she wanted badly to make love to him as an ultimate verification that this was all real.

Her hot breath swirled down his throat and he heard the subtle change in how she took in air, how it altered from fear and grief into want. He sensed a sudden and forceful twang of desire himself, a deep desire for her. He snuggled her neck and his mouth started to wander down her neck and collarbone, softly nibbling and biting, leaving pink spots in its wake. She closed her eyes when his hands shoved her shirt over her shoulders and trailed over her naked skin. He set her on fire with his touch.

'Are you up to this?' she whispered. 'You've hardly recovered – '

He silenced her by licking her earlobe with the tip of his tongue, making her shiver. 'I yearn for you,' he said hoarsely and the sound of his low voice, composed out of rough velvet and molten dark sugar, almost undid her, 'I'm more than up to this. Would you turn me away?'

'No,' she gasped and stopped breathing all together when his tongue explored her ear shell, leaving her quivering like a powerless leaf in a storm, completely at the mercy of the elements. With an eager motion, he relieved her of the thin garment and at the same time removed her breast band. He took her with him in his arms when he lay back on the bed and stooped over her body. She tugged at his shirt and he was all too happy to get rid of it. His lips returned to her neck, nuzzling her skin, travelled down her throat to her breasts and closed around a nipple, making her moan after she'd found her breath again. His hands trailed down her frame, following her curves, fondling her soft, warm body. His fingertips worshipped her abdomen, her sides, her hips and ended up drawing circles on the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. He made short work of her smalls and revelled in her exited reaction. When he reached for her moist folds she arched her back and uttered a throaty grunt.

'Don't stop,' she panted, 'please don't stop.'

'I live to please,' he murmured and softly dragged his lips and tongue along her breasts. He pushed tantalisingly slow a finger into her inviting and craving centre and at the same time started to stimulate her sensitive nub. Her body responded with an eagerness that even overwhelmed herself. She went taut as a bowstring when her whole body started to tingle and after that seemed to get filled with liquid electricity. Within merely moments she became a shuddering whirlpool of ecstasy while every sinew added to this crushing orgasm. It seemed to take ages before she finally descended from her height.

'I love you,' she wept, desperately clutching on to him, 'I love you so much.'

He held her in his arms and kissed away her new but this time liberating tears. 'And I love you,' he breathed.

When she at last had come to her senses she flipped him and put her hands on his chest. His ribs were still tender but so was she. Her fingers caressed his skin with a teasing lightness and feathered over his flat nipples. She stooped over him to catch his mouth in a scorching kiss. Their tongues twirled hungrily around each other and he buried his fingers in the flesh of her hips. Her hands moved down his torso, as did her greedy mouth, peppering him with soft kisses, until she reached her goal. She ripped off his smallclothes and flicked her tongue over his exposed swollen tip. She closed her lips around it with a strong grip and slowly started to suck him, taking him in deep. He let out a tormented cry and called out her name, followed by a string of incomprehensible Tevene words while she continued her ministrations in an enticing slow way. When he thought he couldn't take it any longer, she abandoned his shaft with one last long lick. She placed wet kisses on his groin, his abdomen, his chest, finding her way to his mouth again. She straddled him and took his hardened length in her hand, guiding him inside her wet, tight sheath while her tongue again entered his mouth. The both gasped out loud, breathing in each other's air. She framed his face and rested her cheek against his, her erect nipples touched his chest. As at the first time they made love, they lay still for one perfect moment, connected in more than one way. The only sound was their fast shallow, irregular breathing.

And then something amazing and incomprehensible happened.

Behind his closed eyes he suddenly could see her mind flashing up in bright unknown, indescribable colours, twirling like a ribbon in a playful breeze, dancing towards him, touching him, intertwining with him. It seemed that as if he would reach for it, he could literally make contact with her psyche, her mere essence of being, that he could trace his fingers along her inner self. He blended with her, in an all-embracing fusion, a melting of two persons becoming one entity. It was so freighting at first that he almost when he dared to yield to this astonishing and marvellous sensation, he felt pure love and devotion,near to a religious and sacred experience. As a revelation. He completely succumbed to it, without reservations.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as close as possible, feeling every inch of her naked skin against his. His lips found the spot behind her ear and he drank in her feminine perfume of arousal. He felt her drenched centre in a forceful clasp around him and then she started to move. Every contact with her, every feeling seemed to get enlarged. He lost himself entirely when she pushed him deeper inside her with every thrust.

'Mea carea, voltiatem pendutas in tua,' he groaned, 'cupiadem sa fortatim. Tue edderem per agaterias.'

She didn't know what his words meant; nevertheless, she understood without any trouble the meaning of every syllable when his voice entered her ears and filled her very essence, her very being, her very existence. He was her existence. He totally filled her in every way possible, occupied her body and soul and spirit. When the overwhelming feeling hit her, she almost pulled away out of pure mortal fear of what was when she found the courage to surrender to it, she got drenched with an enormous feeling of utmost completion. She had never experienced something like this before, not even with him. She could feel what he felt, see into his mind and she found nothing but love anddedication.

When he exploded, he helplessly clung onto her while she again got swept away. Wide eyed she collapsed on his chest, struggling for breath and sanity. Forcefully he held on to her, all lingering pain forgotten. After a while he turned onto his side, keeping her close to him. For a long time, they lay in each other's intense embrace, limbs entangled, both unable to say anything. A few times he tried to speak but he couldn't find the proper words, or any words at all to express what he had sensed. So, he stayed silent but for the ragged breathing that only slowly evened out.

After he was able to think again, he remembered the first time he and Marian made love, how his memories almost had driven him away from her, had threatened to take the best of him, to deny her. He shuddered at the remembrance. This experience had almost been the same. His memories hadn't returned – he still had flashes, some lingered, most fled but he no longer feared them.

No, this had been different. Much morepowerful. He couldn't find words for it. Overwhelming didn't start to express this sensation. Enchantment, perhaps, but that didn't cover what he felt either. Other than their first time together, he didn't have the urge to flee and hide, rather the opposite. This, after he had rapidly conquered the panic that had made a good effort to choke him, only emphasized how he completely lost himself in her, eagerly submitted to her. He belonged to her and she to him.

They were one.

As far as I know,Fenris's words don't exist in anylanguage; I just made them up.I've tried to avoid Latin words,and I can only hopethey could have been Tevene. In English, it would sound something like: 'My beloved, I want to drown in you, I love you so much. I'm yours forever.'