Well it's quite official, I'm a douche. I haven't updated some stories for over a year. …wow…and this used to be my 'update because I don't want to look at my other stories' story. Meh. Hiatus is over folks, time to get back up from off the couch!

Welcome back to the bar, may I take your order?

Also, may I point out that any spelling errors are due to cold fingers that don't work right. Yeah, you heard me. I'm COLD, I am not a PENGUIN so I can't function in this tempiture.

-glares at a penguin sitting happily next to her, and punches it. Hard-

Poll at end of chapter. People read for details.

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The bar was the same as it had always been, with Barbara was ready to kill anybody who so much as stubbed their toe on one of her stools. Star wars characters were glaring at members of the Enterprise. Random Naruto and Harry Potter characters were being emo, except for the ones that were keeping Rock Lee from drinking. Twilight characters were getting booed out for the 5th time this week. All and all it was good.

Work had tried to keep me away from this, and the job had almost won. That is, until I got a shiny new laptop! Now I could work at the bar! So magnificent! The words I had written seemed so clean and wonderful.

"No, don't come any closer!" She screamed, pressing her self up against the wall in the back of the alley. She felt herself shiver, and preyed that she hadn't just wet herself.

But, the man didn't stop, coming closer and closer until she could smell his breath and catch the evil shine of his knife in the moonlight. The horrid silver that matched the terrible glint that was in his eyes. She looked around the alley, and though it was dirty and filth ridden, nothing could be used as a weapon. She couldn't even pry a brick loose from the wall she was pressing herself up against.

"There's nothing you can do little girl."

She closed her eyes as the knife was brought up, closer and closer to where you could see her pulse beat against the skin of her throat. She felt her self begin to scream.

"Stop!"

Both the man and the girl turned to see a silhouette in the mouth of the alley.

"Don't hurt her!"

The man sneered "There's nothing you can do to stop me, you fool."

"That is not so, because I can fire my lasers!" the man shouted, taking up a heroic pose and opening up his mouth wide as his eyes bulged out.

"What the hell?"

And with a brilliant flash of blue light the man was gone. The girl ran up to her savior and hugged him tightly.

"Oh thank you sir!"

The man's eye brow ticked as he looked down at her.

"Sir?"

"FALCON PUNCH!"

With a blast of pain in her face the girl shot up into the sky. The man slowly turned away from the site of the crime, muttering "stupid cooties."

Yes, my work was…stupid, but it brought me the money I needed. So why was I bringing something to this bar that cost about a month's salary a good idea? Well, I was behind and I needed a drink like a pregnant woman needs a pickle to go with her ice-cream.

Spock had already rolled my eyes at my primitive device, especially when Ron can over to drool on it.

BING!

I was interrupted by a little IM popping up.

Papas_girl: Draye! It's horrible! They took Hawk!

For those of you who don't know, that was Bat, and Hawk is her werewolf friend who she some how convinced me to let into the MPS.

CouncilBitch: And you want me to do what?

Shut up, I didn't set up my account. Last time you have your cousin with an agenda against you help you with computer shit. Plus, I do work for the Council, and yes, I'm a bitch. Don't judge.

Papas_girl: Help! Zafe and Kontra took him. And they had Jeff in the car, tied up with duct tape.

I sighed; Jeff's another noob we have. He's some sort of creature that crawled out of primordial ooze and is about as old as the dirt that dirt is made from. Except for the fact he's also from another dimension. Yeah, I know. I don't know how the crazies keep finding me, but they do.

CouncilBitch: Nothing I can do besides help you pick out the coffin(s).

Papas_girl: you aren't funny.

CouncilBitch: I don't mean to be.

=Frostdragon69 has joined the conversation via cellular device=

CouncilBitch: look, its Kontra. He'll spill.

Frostdragon69: spill what?

Papas_girl: where Hawk and Jeff are!

Frostdragon69: I know not of whom you speak.
CouncilBitch: Kontra. I know what's in your closet and am willing to use that against you.

Frostdragon69: So?

CouncilBitch: I'll show Candice the pictures of you dressed up as a sailor senshi.

Frostdragon69: We're just hazing them!

Papas_girl: And? Where?

Frostdragon69: …a strip club.

=Frostdragon69 has left the conversation=

Papas_girl: We have to save them! Meet me at the red-light district in 20 minutes.

=Papas_girl has left the conversation=

This was going to be terrible.
-----

Standing on a corner of the red-light district is never a good idea. So far I had been bitten by Pikachu for taking his turf. (I just hope that rodent didn't have rabies or mouse aids. God knows that right then I needed my nonexistent mouse DNA to get fucked up.) About 10 guys tried to buy me, including my brother Cody. Don't worry, I punched him. Also apparently a pimp owns me now, who was also Cody. Bro, you're messed up, and you aren't getting any of my money.

Bat still had yet to show up, and it was cold out. Plus I had my new shiny laptop, and it was a heavy new shiny laptop. I would have been sitting in my nice warm car, but Type had gotten hungry, again.

"I show you good time?"

I looked down at the voice to find Eric Cartman staring up at me. That's just what I needed right now, demented people from Comedy Central. At least it wasn't a puppet.

"No, you don't."

The fat ten year old glared up at me. "I show you good time, five dollah."

"Go away kid before I give you an enema with liquid nitrogen."

"Good time, five dollah."

I turned my back at him, to look at my splendid surroundings. The lights were actually red here, go figure, and the signs were all neon. Most had just XXX or a pair of boobs or dances on poles. But I saw a dick or two in there. I didn't like this part, but there was a beauty to the older sections, the wooden houses where women in old-fashioned garb would wave from their balconies. The air smelly of their perfume and …I'm not gay people. Plus I couldn't focus on that, I had a rolly 4th grader dressed as a slut tugging at my pants.

"Happy endring?"

"NO YOU DICK HEAD!" I kicked him and kicked him good. I watched as that bitch rolled down the street for a good mile before I, surprise, got my self distracted again.

"There you are!"

I turned to see my sister standing there with…a wolf. It was a big beast, and I choose not to ask, lest I be related to it, like I am to most people I meet on the streets.

I strode over "Hey Bat, who's the bloodhound?"

"Oh, I got Emerald to come and help us."

I looked down at the canine. Yep, related to everyone.

"She'll sniff out the guys for us."

"She'd better."

All I got was a growl as she walked off away from us.

"Emerald! Stop! There are leash laws"

I rolled my eyes "Because gods forbid that she gets caught by the dog catcher and turns into a woman. Oh the horror." I said with mock fear, completing my Emmy winning performance by taking up The Scream pose.

"Draye, shut up."

I just stuck out my tongue at her and made the most childish noises I could to go along with it. She proudly retaliated by sticking her thumbs in her ears, wiggling her fingers and shouting "Neener, neener, neener!" what can I say? Sister bonding is important. So back to the hunt!

Emerald sniffed…and sniffed…and sniffed…then got high from all the cocaine people had spilled on the side walk.

"BECAUSE SWORD FISHES LOVE YOU! AND JELLY FISHIES LOVE YOU! AN BLOW FISH-"

All of a sudden a Starme came out of no where and attached itself to her face. Bat and did nothing that we could have easily done as the pokemon continued to rape our cousin's face.

"I doubt that star fish will love her forever."

"Yeah, more like leave her to take care of the horrible mutant face babies."

We both nodded sadly. Emerald on the other hand was banging her face into a wall, effectively killing the poor pokemon, as Misty yelled at us from the window of the brothel she owned.

"Poor pokemon, so washed up"

I shrugged "yeah, and what about to the sailor senshi? They make lesbian porn…at least those two do…uh…"

Emerald piped up "Uranus and Neptune!"

"Sweetie if it involved your anus then I doubt its lesbo"

Bat shook her head "strap on"

"Oh riiiight, yeah, makes sence."

"You are horrible! LEAVE URANUS ALONE!" Emerald screamed as she started sobbing.

"….oookay. We need to find the retard and the noobs before Emerald dies and takes us down with her."

---

Back at my house we were having a party celebrating the capture of the noobs, and all the MPS were gathered for once. Jeff came and sat next to me, not being one for crowds or being sociable.

"Draye…what happened?" I sighed and took a sip of mojito. Just enough mint to keep your breath from smelling like booze for a few minutes.

"Well we bribed Scooby with some snacks and he led us to the club, where Emerald made out with bikini Leia, and we rescued you."

Jeff's face screwed up in confusion "…it did?"

"Yes. Do not question."

"But….right up there about … six or seven lines ago you said that you still needed to get us…then three dots showed up and the day is saved."

"They are dashes, and do not question." I scolded him waggling my finger in a very menacing way.

"But…"

"Question, and our world will become a paradox, and you know what happens to paradoxes?"

He shook his head "Not really, but from what I've seen I could fathom tha-"

"That's right you don't, because no one knows. The worlds just kinda suddenly end, like…an unresolved plot."

Jeff snapped his fingers "OH! I get it, like how this was the smut chapter, but there was no real smut. The plot, smut, didn't happen."

"Oh there is smut."

"Really?"

"Yeah, just hold on a sec and I'll get it."

And as I turned around to start the smut filled fun the film real sputtered and caught on fire, burning and blipping and shredding a mass display of hysteria enduing hell noise.

THE END.

---

The small child blinked.

"But granny that makes no sense."

I whapped the boy on the arse with my cane as I walked away.

"Good, it shouldn't until you're forty."

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There we go kiddies, the smut chapter. Ok, no real smut, soooo, since I don't want to change the rating on this….I can't really include penis…oh no! I said penis! AHHH!

Lol, but really kiddies. Smut is bad…ok, you win, pitch forks down.

Next Chapter will include REAL SMUT, as in fucking people fucking people. I just Don't know who.

VOTE IF YOU WANT SMUT!

VOTE! VOTE!

Pick any MPS member you want to see getting it on, and I will include them, and another character of my choice getting it on. Happy voting!