This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She's a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn't deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.
Up next will be Bella trying on her dress and final preparations for the wedding. We also may hear from Edward, too.
Chapter Twenty-Three
BPOV
"Bella, you look miserable," Mom grumbled as I stood on the pedestal in the bridal salon. My dress was on and we were getting it fitted to my body. The dress was beautiful. I loved it, but my mind was troubled. This wedding seemed almost bittersweet. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"
"I don't know if Esme is going to make it to the wedding, Mom," I whispered. "She's weak and barely able to get out of bed, or stand, or move out of her wheelchair. She's …"
"I'm well aware of how she's doing," Mom murmured, her own eyes swirling with pain and sadness. "I've given Carlisle some respite when it becomes overwhelming for him. Carlisle's struggling with her illness, to be honest. You probably can understand what he's going through more than anyone. Anyway, Charlie and I have both done this. Esme has her good days and bad days. Mainly bad days as of late."
"You know more of her condition," I said, narrowing my eyes at her in the mirror, putting my hands on my hips "Will she make it to the wedding?"
"I believe so, but she's … her cancer has spread," Mom said, getting up and taking my hands and turning me on the pedestal. I saw the same look in her eyes when I found out about Jake's prognosis. "You look so beautiful, Bella. Ethereal, vibrant, happy … I don't want to take away from that." She hugged me.
"Mom, please?" I whispered against her curled hair, clinging to her. "I have to know."
"After we finish the fitting for your dress," she said, caressing my cheek. "I'm going to look for a veil and comb."
"No veil," I said, shaking my head. "Comb or a head piece, yes, but no veil. I've got enough tulle on my dress and this is my second wedding." Mom chuckled, nodding as she darted out of the room and the seamstress came back in with pins. She quickly adjusted the bodice of my dress, tightening the waist and pinning the straps, which were falling off my shoulders. The seamstress said a few things, saying that the dress would be ready to go in a week. Mom came back with a comb. I twisted my hair into a messy bun, putting the comb into my curls. Mom snapped a few photos with her cell phone. "Good?"
"Bella, you're stunning. Edward and Jake are both very lucky men," Mom smiled, showing me the photos. "Do you mind if I send these to Esme?"
"Alice and Rosalie, too," I said. "Are we okay?" I asked the seamstress.
"Be careful of the pins," she chuckled. "Come, I'll help you out of your dress. You're an exquisite bride."
"Thank you," I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. Closing the door, I took off my dress with the seamstress's assistance and put on my street clothes. When I was changed, Mom was waiting for me, holding a bag from the bridal salon. "The comb?"
"Esme sent a text back, saying for me to buy it for you, but she'd pay for it," Mom said, looping her arm through mine. "Come on. Let's go get some lunch. Edward and Charlie are torturing your children with a little frozen fishing."
"Grace must love that," I snorted.
"She's hating every minute of it. She was begging Edward to get you pregnant with a baby girl. She hates being the only girl in the family," Mom snickered.
"Tia is a girl, the last time I checked," I said, looking at the menu and trying to figure out what to order, but not really hungry. To be honest, my stomach was unsettled.
"Who lives in Phoenix," Mom said, arching a brow with a smirk on her face. "Are you going to have more babies with Edward?"
"We've discussed it, but I'm still on birth control, Mom," I replied. "I had an IUD implanted just before Jake's diagnosis. It's still in there. I'm thinking that when I go in for my annual visit with my gynecologist next week, I'll get it removed. It'll take some time for my body to regulate itself, so I can get pregnant."
"Have you used an IUD before?" Mom asked.
"No. Usually, I was on the shot, but with the possibility of a new job and how heavy and unpredictable my periods were, I figured the IUD would be the best option," I answered. "It's been a godsend, to be honest. But enough about your future grandbabies. Talk to me about Esme. Please? Does at least Edward know how bad off she is?"
"I'm not entirely sure," Mom answered, sipping her water. "But, I think you should know." The server came, and we ordered a light meal of salads and soups. When the server dropped off some bread along with our drinks, she sighed heavily. "The cancer has spread to her bones, her lungs and there's a lesion on her brain."
"How long have you known?" I asked.
"The doctors realized that the cancer had spread when she was in the hospital with pneumonia," Mom muttered, her fingers gliding over the rim of her water glass. She looked up at me, her eyes wary. "There's also a fear that the cancer has spread to her pancreas, as well."
I let out a strangled cry, looking at my mother. "She's … Mom, she's not going to make it! We've got two weeks before the wedding. Did the doctors give her a prognosis? How long?"
"She's determined not to stop taking her medications. Until after the wedding," Mom said. "She wants to see her baby boy get married."
"She knows what's happening?"
"She knows her time is limited, Bella. She doesn't want to dwell on her mortality. She's relishing the time she has left, however long it may be. But, she doesn't know exactly what's going on, only that she's getting worse. Carlisle is keeping her medicated with her cancer meds and weed, putting up a brave face," Mom sniffled. "According to Carlisle, once she stops taking her medication, it'll be a matter of a few weeks. A month at most." Tears welled in my eyes and I felt the familiar pang of emptiness and I felt my chest constricting. Mom got up, hugging me closely. "Oh, Bella. Breathe, baby girl." Trying to regulate my breathing, I blanked out, hearing my mom asking to get our food wrapped up. She tossed some money on the table, picking up the bags and guided us out to her car in the parking garage near the bridal salon.
"Mom, I don't know if I can be the strength Edward needs," I choked out. "Knowing this information … I don't know if I cannot not tell him, Mom. He has a right to know. Mom, his mom is dying. He should know."
"I agree, but Esme wants to be the one to tell them," Mom explained. "But, be prepared to be Edward's rock. The love he has for Esme is strong. He moved home to help care for her and it's not going to be a positive outcome." Tears spilled onto my cheeks and I anxiously twisted my engagement ring. "What is it, baby?"
"I'm terrified about nightmares, Mom," I choked out. "When Jake was first diagnosed, I had horrific nightmares, waking up screaming and in a cold sweat. He tried to calm me down, despite being as sick as he was, but I was inconsolable, imagining the worst. Though the worst was infinitely more upsetting than the nightmares. Losing Jake? It was hell." I shook my head, trying not to sob. "Regardless, Edward's going to know something is up. Thank you for telling me, but now I wish I didn't know."
"I think, subconsciously, Edward is aware that his mother's health is failing quickly," Mom sighed, taking my hands. "Just be there for him, sweetheart."
"Can we head back?" I asked. "Visit Esme?"
"I think she'll like that. We've become close since you and Edward became a couple. I want to show her pictures and I'm certain she'll want to put you at ease," Mom said, turning over the car.
The drive from Seattle to Forks flew by. My mom had some music playing, singing along with it, which gave me something else to focus on besides my dying mother-in-law. I also got several pictures from Edward, Charlie and John from their frozen fishing expedition. Grace lasted an hour before pleading to go to the salon with Aunt Rose. I got a picture from Rose, after Grace was dropped off by Charlie. My daughter looked miserable, with her adorable pink nose and purple snowsuit. An hour later, Rose sent me another photo. Grace's hair was cut and curled, along with a manicure and pedicure, matching her Nana Esme's. I whimpered, seeing Esme's smiling face as she wiggled her fingers with Grace. I could see the pain in her eyes, even though she was smiling and laughing with my daughter.
Arriving at Carlisle and Esme's, Mom parked behind Rose's car. We went into the house and watched as Rose and Grace made cookies in the kitchen while Esme sat in a wheelchair, her eyes a bit glassy. I walked over to her, taking her hand. Esme blinked, slow and groggy. "Bella," she grinned. "I saw the picture of your dress. You're so beautiful. Edward won't know what hit him when he sees you walk down that aisle to him."
"Thank you, Esme," I said, squeezing her fingers. "And I appreciate the head piece. It's gorgeous, matching my dress perfectly."
"It's the least I could do, Bella," she said. She stared at me, her fingers grazing over my cheeks. "Edward did so well in choosing you, sweetheart. I know my son will be happy with you." I felt tears well in my eyes. "Don't cry, Bella. Both of my children are happy, in love."
"I hate that you're being ravaged by this horrible disease," I hissed.
"Me, too," she whispered. "But, I've accepted my fate. I know my children; my husband and my family will be sad, devastated when I'm gone, but you, Rose and those beautiful children of yours will make that pain dissipate."
"I …" I sniffled.
"I know I'm worse, Bella," she said, brushing her fingers through my hair. "But, I'm not giving up until I dance with my son at his wedding. I have a new scarf that matches my mother of the groom dress. I want to show it off."
"I'm certain that you will be gorgeous," I smiled, a few tears slipping onto my cheeks. She hugged me weakly and I returned her embrace, feeling how frail she really was.
"Don't be sad for me, sweetheart," she said. "I know you are upset."
"Does Edward know?" I asked.
"He doesn't, but I assume he's aware of my failing health," she said. "I know I'm dying, Bella. I'm tired, but I'm not going anywhere until after you're married."
"I think you should tell him, Esme," I said. She looked at me, her eyes hazy. "He has a right to know."
"Not until after your wedding, Bella," she murmured. "I don't want to ruin your day. Two weeks … I can last two weeks."
"Esme …" I breathed, my voice hitching. She patted my hand and called for Carlisle. She said she was tired, and he took her up to their room. Carlisle explained that Esme would probably sleep the rest of the afternoon. Taking Grace and half the cookies she'd made with Rose, we drove back home. Edward's SUV was in the garage and I heard the showers going. My boys were back. My heart stammered, and I tried to keep my face neutral.
"Mommy, can we have chili for dinner?" Grace asked, arranging the cookies onto a plate.
"Can you get some from the freezer, munchkin?" I replied, giving her a tight smile. She nodded, skipping down to the basement to grab our dinner from the freezer. She came back with a container and handed it to me. I hugged her, kissing her forehead. "I love your hair, pretty girl. Aunt Rose did a great job."
"She said it was a practice for the wedding. Will this work with my dress?" she asked. I nodded, caressing her cheek and putting the chili into a sauce pan. "Mommy, is Nana Esme okay? She was really confused today, fumbling over her words."
Fuck … I looked at my daughter, who had her head cocked adorably and her brows furrowed. "Nana Esme is getting worse, Grace. It's only a matter of time … before …"
"Before she's with Daddy," Grace frowned. "He'll watch over Nana Esme, make her safe."
"He will," I sniffled, hugging her closely. "I don't know if Edward knows …"
"I think he knows, Momma," she murmured. "Dad was sad today, but he smiled for John and Grandpa. It wasn't his usual smile." I held her closer, feeling my heart crack even more. "Why does cancer take away good people? People like Daddy? Nana Esme?"
"I don't know, Grace," I sighed. "It's not fair. Good people shouldn't have to suffer like this, baby girl." I kissed her forehead. "Why don't you go down to the basement? Watch a movie?"
"Kay, Momma," she nodded, walking away. John caught up with her, waving at me before following his sister to the basement.
I worked in the kitchen, making dinner when I felt Edward's arms slide around my waist. "I missed you today, sweetness," he whispered against my ear.
"I always miss you," I breathed, leaning against his muscular body. "How was fishing?"
"Cold as balls," he chuckled. He turned me in his arms, his hands cupping my face. I saw the sadness in his eyes and the worry in his brow. "You visited Mom?"
"I did," I answered. "We wanted to show her pictures from my appointment."
"Can I see these pictures?" he asked, a crooked smile spreading over his face.
"You can see me in the flesh when I walk down the aisle to you to become your wife, Chief," I quipped, tracing his jawline. He held me closer, pressing his forehead to mine. "Edward?"
"Hmmmm?" he replied, kissing my forehead and moving his lips down to my jaw. His hands moving to my ass and holding me tightly against his body.
"We need to talk about Esme," I said, my voice hitching. "I can't keep this a secret. It's not fair … I need to tell you, Edward."
"I know my mom is getting worse," he said, his green eyes welling with tears. "I had lunch with my dad on Friday. He showed me her latest scans."
"I'm so sorry, Edward," I cried, my fingers tangling into his damp hair. "I hate that she's suffering." He buried his face into the crook of my neck. He picked me up so easily, lifting me onto the counter of the island. I felt his tears on my skin as he held me so tightly, as if I was going to vanish out of thin air. I knew he was falling apart at the seams. His hold on me was painful, but he needed me. I knew that I had done this exact thing with Billy, clinging to my father-in-law out of pure desperation, when we found out Jake had a terminal illness. "I wish I could make it better, Edward. I swear, this is the worst thing ever."
"Promise me that you won't let me go, Bella," he said, his voice husky and broken. "I can't lose you, too. I know that …"
"I get it, Edward," I whispered. "I love you and I wish that I could …"
"Just being here for me is enough, sweetness," he breathed, pulling back and staring into my eyes. "I love you so much, Bella. I couldn't do this without you, without the children. I just hate that she's …"
"She feels the same way, Edward," I said, brushing his hair back. He stared at me and his jade eyes welled with tears again. "Your mom may be getting worse, but she's not gone yet. She's determined to dance with you at our wedding, baby."
"I look forward to it," he smiled, kissing me gently. "And I'm looking forward to dancing with my wife on our wedding day, plus planning our honeymoon."
"Over the summer, Edward. I shouldn't take time off during the school year," I whimpered as his lips oved from mine and down my neck.
"We may not get a traditional honeymoon in that sense. I do plan on keeping you away for a couple of days. I've arranged it with Alice. We're not going anywhere. I've just rented us a room in Port Angeles to celebrate our wedding, Bella," he said, his eyes still sad but filled with lust. "To celebrate us. I know that my mom's time is limited, but I want to cherish our relationship. You're the first person I've let in since my mom's diagnosis. You're best friend, my lover, my fiancée and soon, my wife." His thumb ran across my lower lip. "Tonight … I need you."
"I need you, too," I said. "I'm here for you, Edward. I get it. Trust me, I get it."
"I know you do," he murmured. He kissed me, his tongue sliding between my lips and dipping me back. I whimpered. He pulled back as we heard the pounding of little feet. "I love you, Bella. Thank you for …"
"I know," I said, kissing his jaw and hopping off the counter with Edward's help. "I'm always here for you, Edward."
"As I'm here for you, sweetness. But, I'm so grateful for your strength now," he nodded, his fingers grazing over my knuckles, over my engagement ring. "And two weeks from today, we'll be married, Bella. I can't wait. I need to focus on that. On the happy things."
"And our wedding is a wonderfully happy thing, Edward," I said. "Two weeks and I'll be Mrs. Edward Cullen."
xx PutP xx
EPOV
I was sitting in my office, reading over the reports from my deputies. I loved my new job and its paycheck but hated the sheer amount of paperwork I had to deal with. I think I killed more trees than did any real police work. The phone rang on my desk. I picked it up, my eyes moving over a report of some high school kids getting caught at lookout point. I really didn't need to read, in graphic detail, about what was going on in that car. Ewwww! "Chief Cullen," I replied, closing the file and blinking up at a waiting email from the mayor.
"How's life in the boondocks?" quipped my friend, Felix. "Enjoying your time as a police chief, Cullen?"
"Ass hat," I snorted. "And yes, I'm enjoying my time bossing people around. Remember when I was in charge of our office in Alexandria?"
"I should have been the field agent in charge," Felix snorted. "But, whatever."
"What can I do for you, Felix?" I asked, chuckling quietly.
"I've got some information for you about that teacher. Royce?" Felix said.
"Really? What's up?"
"He's taken a plea deal," Felix explained. "His case isn't going to trial. He's spending a long-ass time in jail but will be eligible for parole by the time he's eighty. I figured you'd want to know since you were an integral part of his demise. You know you'd be a valuable asset to the Seattle office, Cullen. You may have resigned from the bureau, but you were one of the best agents I've ever worked with, man. I know that the chief would gladly take you back."
"Felix, I can't," I said. "My life is in Forks. I'm getting married in a week to the most amazing woman in the world. She's got two children whom I love more than anything. And my mom …"
"I know, Edward," Felix said sadly. "But, if you ever change your mind, you'd be welcomed back." I sat quietly, looking at a picture of Bella and me from our engagement photos. "You want to talk about a blast from the past? I ran into Kate when I was in DC for a training."
"There's a name I never thought I'd hear again," I sighed, wrinkling my nose. "And one person I never wanted to remember, either. She wasn't very understanding when I had to move back to Washington state when my mom's cancer came back. In fact, she was a total bitch." I grimaced, hating to call my ex-girlfriend such a horrid word but it was the truth, as unpleasant as it could be.
"Well, not much has changed," Felix laughed. "She ran into me, giving me a glower and continuing on her way. She had a lot of cosmetic work done, Edward. She didn't look like the Kate you dated. She's a blonde with huge tits and duck lips."
"She was a blonde when I dated her," I snorted.
"White blonde? Limp and damaged hair?" he laughed. "From the emails you've sent me with pictures of Bella and the kids? You traded up, man. Look, I'm happy for you. You deserve happiness with Bella."
"She's amazing and so supportive," I whispered. "She's been my rock as of late. With my mom's deterioration and …" I shook my head. "Are you coming to the wedding?"
"Whoa, tangent!" Felix teased, his booming laugh filling my ears. "I sent my RSVP. I'm coming with my girlfriend, Heidi." He was quiet. "Edward, if you need to talk. I'm here. I hope you know that. You were my closest friend at the bureau and it wasn't the same without you. I'm glad that we're on the same coast."
"I appreciate it, Felix," I said, smiling softly as I picked up my picture of Bella. I ran my fingers over her smiling face. "Look, I've got heaps of paperwork to get through. I'll see you on Friday for the rehearsal dinner? It's at the Lodge."
"The place with the moose heads on the walls?" Felix snickered.
"That's the place," I answered, a crooked grin spreading over my face. I looked up and saw Emmett standing in the doorway of my office. "Look, Felix, I've got a meeting. I'll see you on Friday. We'll have a beer or two." Hanging up the phone, I looked at my brother. His eyes were shimmering, tears just on the edge. "Mom?" I asked.
"No. She's resting," he said, sitting down. "Or preserving her strength for this weekend. I'm sorry about freaking you out. It wasn't my intention." He twisted his wedding band, reaching into his back pocket. "I just came from a doctor's appointment with Rose. In Port Angeles."
"Is she okay?" I asked.
"She was feeling rundown, tired and bitchy," Emmett snorted. "Even more so than usual."
"Don't let your wife hear you say that," I quipped.
"Well, on a whim, I brought home a pregnancy test from work. Rose and I had a huge fight, but I was adamant that she was showing early symptoms of pregnancy," Emmett explained. "She took it, just to shut me up. Lo and behold, it was positive." He reached into his wallet, pulling out a grainy sonogram photo. He handed it to me.
"Emmett?" I breathed. I looked down at the photo, seeing the form of a baby, tucked in Rose's womb. The baby was small, but you could tell that it was a baby. Not a blob.
"Rose has a high-risk pregnancy due to the scarring from her endometriosis, but if she's careful, she can carry the baby to term," Emmett cried, tears splashing down his cheeks. "She just passed into her second trimester and I had to tell you, Edward. I'm going to be a daddy." His voice cracked as he said he was going to be a dad. His face crumbled. He covered his face and sobbed, brokenly and loudly. I closed the door to my office, hugging my brother and holding him tightly. "Our baby is never going to know his grandmother, Ed. I …"
"I know, Emmett," I sniffled, leaning my cheek against his shoulder. "But, this is a good thing. Rose is pregnant. You're having a baby." I sat back, looking at my brother's heartbroken face. "I'm happy for you and Rose. You're both going to be amazing parents. The baby is already so loved by you and his mom. Not to mention his cool uncle."
Emmett snorted, rolling his eyes and staring down at the sonogram, tracing the profile of his baby. "I'm happy, but not. Does that make sense?" Emmett asked, his fingers finding his ring again.
"I feel the same way about the wedding. I'm overjoyed to be marrying Bella, but it's bittersweet. I know that Mom … she's dying, Em," I muttered. "I'm not ready to say goodbye, but every day, she's getting weaker and more frail. She's so tiny. I'm terrified that if I hold her too close, she'll shatter." I stared at my brother, who was so sad, showing the emotions I was also feeling, on his face. "As much as we hate it, we have to let her go, Emmett."
"I'm selfish, Edward," he hissed. "I don't want to let her go."
"I don't either but look at her. Mom is suffering. The cancer has spread from her breast to her bones, her lungs, her pancreas and her brain," I choked out. "She's …"
"She's pushing herself for your wedding and then she's going let go," Emmett cried, gripping my arms. "I hate this. I hate the idea of losing our mom, Ed."
"I do, too. It's not fair. She shouldn't have suffered so much," I sobbed, wiping my face angrily. "She was a good person, the best mother. She loves us very much and would do anything for her children, God-given or otherwise. She adores Rose and thinks the world of Bella and her babies. She's tired, exhausted of fighting. I see it every time I talk to her. The light in her eyes is fading, Emmett. Mom needs to rest. She doesn't deserve to be in any more pain."
"This sucks," Emmett growled. "Cancer sucks. I could never be an oncologist. It's tough enough being a pediatrician, treating sick kids, but an oncologist? Talk about never really having a positive prognosis. Even if the cancer goes into remission, there's a possibility of it coming back."
"I could never be a doctor," I countered, standing up and leaning against my desk. "You and Dad have tough jobs. I'd be paranoid about nicking something and causing a catastrophe."
"You were pretty level-headed when John was injured on the baseball field," Emmett smirked.
"Basic first aid, Emmett," I argued. "But, I couldn't have handled it if John was conscious and crying. I hate when either one of them are crying." I looked at him, smiling softly. "Do you want to visit Mom?"
"Don't you have to work?" he asked.
"One of the positives of being the boss is setting my own hours," I quipped. "I'll probably come back tonight, after putting John and Grace asleep."
"Okay," Emmett nodded, a small smile spreading over his face. "We can discuss your bachelor party."
"I'm not having a bachelor party. I'm old. You're older. That shit just doesn't fly," I growled, picking up the keys to the Forks police SUV. "I'd rather just spend my time with my family. All that matters are them. Not a party where we got to some sleazy strip joint and see fake tits. The only tits I want to see are Bella's. That's it."
"You know what? I don't blame you. I was just trying to …" Emmett shrugged, walking toward his Jeep. "Meet you at Mom's?"
"I'm going to pick up some flowers for Mom," I said. "And for my future bride."
"You're so whipped," Emmett laughed.
"No, I'm in love," I smirked. "I'm having the flowers delivered to Bella's school. Something to brighten her day. She's working entirely way too hard as of late."
"That's because you're taking her away from work for a couple of days," Emmett shrugged. "See you at the parental units'."
"And congratulations, Dad," I smiled, slapping his arm before sliding into the car. I got into the SUV, driving to a floral shop. I picked up a bright, sunny bouquet for my mom and paid good money for a romantic bouquet to be sent to Forks Elementary before the end of the school day. I drove to my parents' house, letting myself inside. I made my way to the solarium, seeing Mom talking to Dad and Emmett. Mom saw me, grinning brightly as I made my way to her. I handed her the flowers. "Something to brighten your day, Mom."
"Beautiful," she said, reaching weakly for the flowers. "First, I hear I'm going to be a grandma and then, I get flowers from my boy? It's a wonderful day."
"Why don't I put them in some water, love?" Dad said.
"I'm going with you," I nodded, kissing my mom's cheek. "I'll be right back. Let Emmett tell you all about his newest addition." I followed Dad into the kitchen and got a pretty vase for the flowers. "How is she today?"
"She's got a headache," Dad replied. "Her words are slurring more and more." He cut the flowers, putting into the vase. "Even with the medications, she's …" He looked at me and his eyes were drawn, tired. His normally smooth façade was gone. He looked broken, lost. "My soul mate is dying. I don't know what I'm going to do when she's gone, Edward."
"As weird as it sounds, have you talked to Bella?" I asked. "She knows what you're going through, Dad. She went through it when she lost Jake. They may not have had as many years as you and Mom did, but they were as close as two people can be."
"With the wedding, I didn't think it was appropriate," Dad whispered, turning a small sunflower in his fingers.
"Dad, Bella adores you. Talk to her," I said, squeezing his hand. I felt my cell phone vibrate. Pulling it out, I saw a text from Bella. She was smiling with her bouquet, saying she adored me. I tapped out a text and she responded immediately. "Why don't you spend some time with your future daughter-in-law tonight? Emmett and I can help with Mom. Talk to Bella and love up on your adoptive grandchildren."
"Was that her?" he asked, putting the vase under the faucet.
"Yes. I told her that you needed to talk to her," I said. I took the vase from him, putting it on the counter. "Dad, I love you. You've been strong for Mom, but you need help. Bella's been where you are, Dad."
"When did you get to be so smart?" he snorted, staring out the window and watching as the snow fell.
"I had good teachers, Dad. The best, really," I whispered. "Our lives are changing. Some of it is for the better with Rose and Emmett's pregnancy and my wedding. On the other side of the coin, some of it is for the worse with Mom's illness and the possibility of Rose losing the baby due to her endometriosis." He sighed, looking at me and I saw the anguish in his eyes. "Please, talk to Bella?"
"Okay," he nodded. "I'll talk to her. And after your mother's … death … I …"
"Shelly's awesome," I said, squeezing his shoulder. Dad shook his head, putting his hand on my mine. "I love you, Dad."
"I love you, too, Edward," he breathed, turning to hug me. We went back into the solarium, putting the flowers onto the table. "Es, in a little bit, I'm going to spend some time with Bella, John and Grace."
"She's making dinner for Dad. You have a date with your boys," I smirked. "I do need to go back to work afterward, but we're here to spend time with you."
"Oh, what a wonderful surprise," Mom grinned, her smile more crooked than ever. Emmett shot me a look of concern, but I shook my head. I knew it was not good that the muscles in her face were growing lax, but we had to keep things light, happy for her. We chatted until late afternoon, when Dad left for my house to have dinner with Bella. "Now, what can I make for my babies?"
"We're catering to you, Mom," Emmett said. "What do you desire?"
"Hmmmm, breakfast," she said. "Something sweet. You both always loved when we had pancakes for dinner."
"Done," I smiled. "Come on. I think I handle making pancakes."
"You can cook?" Emmett and Mom asked.
"It's what brought Bella and me together," I blushed, helping Mom into her wheelchair. "I'm fairly certain I won't cause either one of you food poisoning with pancakes. Come on!"
xx PutP xx
BPOV
"Bella, please? Let me, at least, help you with the dishes," Carlisle said.
"No, I've got it. Guys, why don't you take Poppa Carlisle to the basement while I make some coffee for us," I said, smiling at my children.
"Is Dad coming home?" John asked. "He said he was going to read with me."
"Dad is spending time with Nana Esme," I answered. "Maybe Poppa can read with you?"
"Can you?" John asked. "Dad and I are reading Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing."
"I think I can handle that," Carlisle said, a smile spreading over his face.
John hopped up, darting up to his room. Grace took Carlisle's hand, leading him downstairs while I made quick work of the dishes. I heard Carlisle reading to my children and I made some decaf coffee, pulling out some cookies and ice cream. I put the coffee and dessert onto a tray, walking down to the basement. "Okay, guys, I've got dessert. Cookies and ice cream." John and Grace hopped up, taking their bowls and sitting on the floor. "I wasn't sure if you wanted ice cream or not."
"Ice cream sounds good," Carlisle chuckled. "Esme never allowed it in the house. She loves it that she'd eat gallons of it at a time. Especially, when she was pregnant with Edward. This is a rare treat."
"I'm glad," I said, handing him a mug of coffee. "Decaf, with a touch of cinnamon. Edward likes drinking his coffee this way." He sipped it, humming appreciatively. "The kids will go to bed in a little bit and we can talk."
"Thank you, Bella," he said quietly, giving me a tiny smile as his eyes welled with tears. The kids stayed up for a few more minutes before I sent them to bed. John showered, reading more of his book, using his iPad with an app designed for children with dyslexia. Grace was out like a light. After I put them to bed, I went back down and found Carlisle doing the dishes from dessert. "I couldn't just sit there," he chuckled. "Thank you for dinner and for agreeing to speak with me. I know that you're getting ready for your wedding. The last thing you need is a bitter old man, afraid of losing his soul mate."
"But, what you need is to hear that you're not alone," I said, taking his hand and guiding him to the living room. "And you're not."
"I feel so guilty even asking you this, with you marrying my son on Saturday, but, how did you get over Jake's death?" Carlisle asked. He looked around the room, seeing pictures from my past and pictures of my future, a future with his son.
"To be honest, I doubt I ever will," I shrugged. "Where we're sitting was my bed for almost two years."
"What?" he asked.
"I couldn't sleep in the bed I shared with Jake without him," I said. "It was too big. Too empty. The first time I slept in a bed? It was … difficult. It got better when my relationship with Edward progressed. He was understanding about my need to sleep on the couch, but I was more comfortable sleeping with another person in bed. Your son? He's a notorious cuddler."
"He was the same as a child, especially when he was sick," Carlisle laughed. "But, you're marrying Edward. You're not over Jake's death?"
"I loved my husband," I answered. "He was my best friend, my first everything, my partner in crime and the father to my children. Edward is also my best friend. He'll be my last everything and the man who healed my shattered, broken heart. He gave me what I needed the most … a friendship, time to come to grips with Jake's loss and respect for my relationship with my first husband. Carlisle, losing a spouse is horrible. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."
"How did you cope?" he whispered.
"I didn't. The first few months after his death, I was a zombie. The only thing that kept me sane were my children. Even then, I … I had a strong level of support from Billy, Rachel, Rebecca and Ryan."
"Which one was the one who slapped you?" Carlisle asked.
"Rachel," I snorted. "Suffice it to say, she's not invited to the wedding or amongst my inner circle. But, when I was in my depression, she was great with the kids." I squeezed his hand. "You have so many people in your corner, Carlisle. We all love you and we will always help you. The one the thing I can tell you that you will need is someone to talk to who is not family. I hated the grief counselors from the hospice house. They were … we didn't mesh well. I only felt comfortable with Shelly Cope. I got her name from Edward."
"He told me about Shelly, too," Carlisle nodded. "I'm just afraid that when Esme's gone … I'll want to be with her."
"Carlisle, no," I breathed, taking his hands and tugging him to me and hugging him tightly. "You have two strong men who need their father. You have grandchildren who need their Poppa. Suicide might seem like an easy solution, but it leaves more problems."
"You talk about that like you know," Carlisle sobbed, clinging to me.
I pulled back and rolled up my sleeve. I removed my watch, showing him a scar that I was ashamed of having. Edward knew of my depression and my need to join my husband. "I tried, Carlisle. My father-in-law found me sitting on the floor of my bathroom, bleeding from my wrist, the knife next to me. He took care of me, bandaging my wrist and spending time with me until I got myself together. Shortly after that, I met with a counselor who gave me some good ideas. I made the decision to move up here a month after that incident. Being in that house that I shared with him was too much. I sold it to my sister-in-law and bought this place." Looking at him, I pressed my hand to his cheek. "Suicide isn't the answer."
"I see so much of Esme in you, Bella," he whispered, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles. "And you're right. I have too much to live for. Edward is so lucky to have you, Bella." I smiled softly. "You've given me a lot to think about and you've helped me tremendously." He sighed heavily. "I'm going to go home, spend time with my wife."
"Hold her close, Carlisle," I said.
"Just like I'll tell Edward to do to you, sweet Bella," he smiled. Leaning forward, kissing my cheek, he got up and headed to the front door. "Thank you. For everything, Bella." I smiled softly and watched him go. When he left, I sat back on the couch and rubbed my chest, missing Jake and empathizing with Carlisle's impending loss. It made our upcoming wedding seem insignificant and I wondered if it was truly worth it. Couldn't Edward and I get married by a judge and be done with it?
As I walked up to the bedroom I shared with Edward, I got a text from Emmett. It was a picture of Edward and Esme dancing in the kitchen. He was holding her close and smiling brightly, as was she. They were practicing for Saturday, Bella. Esme is looking forward to seeing her baby boy get married. We're all so blessed to have you in our lives, especially my brother. Only a few more days and then you're officially my sister! ~ Em
I sobbed, saving the photo of Edward and Esme and sending it to my online photo storage. I ordered two 8x10s, one for us and another for Carlisle. I pressed my hand to my chest and Emmett's text reminded me why we were doing this. Another brief text from Edward made my heart burst. I love you more than you know, Bella. Thank you for talking to my dad. I'll be home in an hour, sweetness. I have to finish a few things at work and then I want to hold you. My heart is yours, Mrs. Cullen. I love you … forever and always … ~ Edward
I love you more, Edward. I'm here for you, too. Forever and always. See you in an hour, Chief ~ Bella
Putting my phone on the nightstand, I got ready for bed and curled up around Edward's pillow. My heart was heavy with the news of Esme's deterioration, but I was determined to be strong for my family. I loved all of them. I wanted to give Esme, Carlisle, Edward and me something special to cherish in our wedding. In a matter of a few days, I'd have that moment.
I couldn't wait.
A/N: A few (a lot) of bittersweet moments. Next chapter will be the wedding and it will be lighter than this chapter. I also promise you a few lemons. If I had to guess, we've got maybe three more real chapters in the story. I know where I'm going with it … I just need to get there. My plan is for this story to be finished by Memorial Day weekend. I've got a couple of things on the back burner … which will pick up once summer starts.
Pictures of the bouquets are on my blog. I'm also on Facebook: Tufano79's Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation. Twitter, too: tufano79. Leave me some!
Thanks for reading!