Author's Note:
Here we finally are, the final chapter. I really want to thank all of my amazing readers and everyone who reviewed and alerted and favorited. Please, at the end if you've enjoyed this story, review and let me know or click on favorite. I really appreciate the feedback.
I envisioned this chapter very much like The First Time, the story of our boys woven in between the story and underscored by the music of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Obviously that's not possible. But the lyrics that start each chapter mean something, so please don't skip them. And please watch Donny Osmond's version of Close Every Door on youtube. It is one of the most beautiful performances ever, and it is Kurt's performance. Watch it and imagine when you read.
I do not own Glee or Joseph. Nor do I own the heart and soul of our boys. But I will tell you about who does at the end, so please read the note.
Some folks dream of the wonders they'll do
Before their time on this planet is through
Some just don't have anything planned
They hide their hopes and their heads in the sand
Now I don't say who is wrong, who is right.
But if by chance you are here for the night
Then all I need is an hour or two
To tell the tale of a dreamer like you.
Kurt walked into the theater rehearsal room for the first time, his coffee cup full, his bag full of healthy snacks and his heart feeling excited but nervous and slightly empty without Blaine sitting next to him. The last time he'd done this he had barely even met Blaine, and yet instantly they knew from the start that they were meant to be together. Now he sat with a ring on his finger that claimed himself taken and an empty seat by his side. Independence, he thought to himself and snickered. The word didn't mean what it used to.
The seat did not stay empty for long as an older woman with long black hair plunked her own coffee mug next to him and sat down as if exhausted. He nodded shyly, but didn't introduce himself. The assistant stage manager was in the corner at the refreshment table setting up coffee, cookies, chocolate and of course water. Other cast members who seemed to know one another were laughing and joking and greeting each other as they filed into the basement room. Kurt smiled at anyone who smiled at him, but remained in his seat, studying the empty notebook he had in front of him. He may be the star of this production, but he was a little fish in a big pond and his heart was racing with self-consciousness. He would be happy when some familiar faces from the casting table arrived.
Finally the production staff arrived, the stage manager with her already enormous prompt book, set to double it's size over the next three and a half weeks as blocking and choreograph as well as set, costume and lighting notes were added to it. The musical director greeted Kurt warmly before taking a seat at the piano set up directly next to the tables. The design team sat around with their notes, models and drawings prepared to present to the actors. And lastly, the Director took his place at the head of the table and smiled warmly at the actors and designers sitting around it.
"Ladies and Gentleman, I want to welcome you all to the 2013 production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." Everyone around the table softly applauded, their attention trained on the man who would lead them. "Before we get down to business, The Columbus Repertory Theater has a huge tradition and reputation in the community. While we are constantly working with the esteemed and season veterans of our company, we also ask that they serve as mentors. Every production, we bring in at least one new, aspiring actor or actress from the community that we hope will join our fold and someday become a leader themselves. So without further ado, I would like to introduce to you, our Joseph for this production, Kurt Hummel."
Kurt smiled enthusiastically at twenty smiling faces beaming back at him, while his stomach rolled with self-consciousness. "It's really nice to be welcomed to the party," Kurt said, trying not to show his nerves.
"Kurt brings amazing experience and understanding through his own story to the role of Joseph, and we think that he's going to teach us a lot while we teach him," the director said smiling. "Now, let's introduce you and other newbies around the table to everyone else."
They went around the table introducing themselves and Kurt gradually felt more and more at ease. He sat tight while they took care of union business, voting in an Equity Liaison and signing some agreements. After about thirty minutes, they began the sing through of the show with almost no dialogue, and Kurt was impressed just how much of the basic music everyone already knew. He silently thanked Blaine and the Warblers for rehearsing the whole score with him, as he proudly sang through the entire show. He adored the girl playing the narrator, who reminded him a lot of an older Rachel Berry, and was hysterically laughing along with the rest of the cast at the Pharaoh's Elvis impersonation. When he sang Close Every Door people teared up already, and he smiled softly to himself.
It was going to be an amazing experience. Everything about this production was a dream come true.
Go, Go, Go Joseph, you know what they say
Hang on now Joseph, you'll make it someday
Sha la la Joseph, you're doing fine
You and your dreamcoat ahead of your time
Go, Go, Go Joe!
The phone call came in the middle of his GED class. Typically Joe would have ignored the unknown Columbus number, but something told him he needed to answer the call.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Citino," Joe heard on the other end of the phone. "We did everything we could for her, but the combination of drugs and alcohol she had taken was just too much for her system to handle. You were listed as her next of kin. You'll need to go to the funeral home to sign some paperwork."
For a moment, he couldn't breathe. Then the calm washed over him. He'd been expecting this call for ten years.
"Thank you," he politely told the nurse at the hospital. "'I'll need to get a ride out there."
Only just a few months ago, all alone in the world, he would have been instantly on the phone with his social worker, begging for her or someone else from the office to take four hours out of their day to drive him to and from Columbus from Lima. Today, she was his second call.
"Robin, do you think you could call my sister and tell her?" he begged. "I need to deal with all this without losing it, and I know I will if I talk to her."
"Of course, Joe," his social worker answered compassionately. "Are you sure you don't need a ride?"
Joe smiled softly to himself. "Yes, I'm sure. I have a friend on his way right now."
Strange as it seems there's been a run of crazy dreams
And a man who can interpret could go far
Could become a star
Sebastian arrived an hour later. As soon as he'd gotten Joe's call he rushed out of class, yelling excuses behind him, changed out of his Dalton uniform and ran to his car. He somehow managed to avoid any speed traps on the highway, which was a good thing because he was flying to Lima. He got to Joe's house in record time and rang the doorbell. Joe answered looking drained, but fell into Sebastian's arms with relief at the sight of him. Sebastian stood shocked for a moment, then a small smile crept across his lips as he wrapped his arms tightly around him. He kissed Joe on the head, then gently took a step back. "You ready to go?" he asked quietly. Joe checked for his wallet in his back pocket and nodded.
The ride to Columbus was quiet, and the ride home was even quieter. It still hadn't hit Joe yet that his mother was truly gone and the conversation at the funeral home had been very overwhelming. The funeral director asked about family and friends of course, and though he didn't want to explain, Joe had to share that his mother's parental rights were terminated and he wasn't even sure who had legal right to sign. The director asked about his father, but again, with him in prison the rights were unclear. In the end Joe signed and arranged everything for the funeral. She would have the basics. Neither Joe nor his father had any money to spend on a funeral. He didn't even know if his father would be able to come. And that's what saddened him the most.
"I need to go see my Dad tomorrow," Joe muttered to himself as he stared out the window at the darkening skies. Suddenly lightning flashed violently, followed by the roar of thunder and the skies opened up. It was fitting, Joe thought.
"I'll go with you," Sebastian promised. "Stay with me tonight. We're closer to Columbus then."
Joe thought of saying no, of insisting that Sebastian didn't have to do that for him, that he had his own things to do, his own classes, but he couldn't bring himself to say any of those things. He simply nodded.
Their lovemaking that night was slow and silent. Joe mourned. Sebastian healed. It was a role reversal but they both welcomed it.
Sebastian pressed his hand to the small of Joe's back as soon as they passed through the prison's metal detectors, and together they sat in the waiting room. It was so incredibly different from the atmosphere that had been the Paris hellhole, that his heart ached for the pain he and his father had gone through just to see one another. This certainly wasn't easy, but it was easier. The pair waited the long wait until Joe's father's name was finally called. They made their way to the metal door that led outside, and walked out into the gated courtyard where they were imprisoned themselves until the giant metal doors clicked open. Sebastian didn't dare reach for Joe's hand here, and Joe did not make any motion that Sebastian should do so. Not here. Though the inmates were trapped behind glass as they awaited their loved ones' visit, there was no glass between them and Joe's father. And if their glares were any indication of the damage they could do, then Joe and Sebastian would give them no reason to unleash their hatred on the man they came to visit.
Joe sat down before his father, the circular speaker between them allowing for muffled communication. Joe introduced his father to his friend Sebastian, then asked how he was doing. The answer was always the same. "I am fine here son, you just stay safe out there. How's your mother?"
Joe had never had any doubt in his mind that his parents had loved each other deeply. His father had fought for her tooth and nail, though she'd never truly had the skills to raise two children. Telling him, Joe feared, might kill him.
But he had no choice. And with only a glance to Sebastian, though what he really wanted was the boy's strong hand in his, with shaky breath he told his father. "Mom overdosed, Dad. She's gone."
Joe's father was a hard man. He'd been a gangbanger for two decades, in prison for one. He'd killed before, though he'd never plead out. And yet hearing that his wife was dead was too much for him to handle. He broke down, his head between his knees hyperventilating before Joe could tell him anything else. Joe's own tears starting flowing then, for the first time since he'd learned of her death. And though Sebastian wanted more than anything to hold Joe tightly in his arms and make the pain go away, he backed up a step to physically prevent himself from doing so. The guards ended the visit and one came around to find out what had happened. Joe couldn't speak so Sebastian told him. The guard kindly escorted them out, and they walked back to the car. Joe barely made it to the vehicle before he collapsed in the front seat. His father's agony hurt so much more than his mother's death. He was terrified of what would happen to the man he worshipped now.
The funeral was a whole other type of anguish for Joe, but this time Sebastian stood by his side, their hands linked, Sebastian's free arm huddling him close around his shoulders. Gina was sobbing for the loss of a mother who always loved her but never could care for her and it was like losing her three times over. Joe held her tightly to him, her tears soaking his coat, but he didn't care. Gina's adoptive parents had brought her and Joe did not know how to thank them enough for preventing her from being motherless. They merely reminded him that they were not only there for Gina but for him as well and he was welcome anytime.
Surprisingly, or perhaps not, watching his mother's coffin descend into the ground was not difficult for him. In his young life he had dreamed the scene a hundred times, and each time it had felt as real as it did now. As he sprinkled dirt over the coffin, a wave of relief rushed over him. It was finally over.
Close every door to me, hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows and shut out the light
Do what you want with me, hate me and laugh at me
Darken my daytime and torture my night
Sebastian started screaming, startling Joe awake next to him. It was the fifth nightmare Sebastian had suffered since visiting the prison and going to the funeral. It was the same every time. He went to visit his father in prison, but when the guards closed him in the small, dark, visiting room, his father never showed and no one ever came back for him. Joe reached over to Sebastian, his skin soaked in cold sweat, and Joe wrapped his arms around him, hushing him but shaking him gently awake.
Sebastian shot up with surprise and relief, then collapsed in Joe's arms when he realized where he was. He licked his lips, trying to moisten his parched mouth, and Joe reached over to a bottle of water left by the bed. He offered it to Sebastian, who drank almost half of it, washing away the horrid taste in his mouth left over from the nightmare, as his breathing and his heart rate finally slowed down.
"Same dream?" Joe asked gently, brushing his fingers through Sebastian's saturated hair.
He nodded, leaning his head slightly into Joe's soft and soothing fingers. "Yeah, it was the same, but there was more this time," he said brokenly.
Joe waited. He knew better than to push Sebastian. That would only lead to him closing down. Sebastian more often than not felt like a trapped animal. Joe was certain after the dreams the boy had been having that even the slightest word out of place would have him running away.
Luckily, Sebastian needed to say it, needed to get what happened out of his mind and into the world so he could move on. And luckily, he had Joe beside him, because there was no one else in the world that he would feel safe to tell. "They locked me in. Just like all the other times. And I thought like the other times they would just leave me there, alone forever. Only this time the slot opened. But it wasn't my father." Sebastian's voice hitched and his breathing went short and fast as the dream rose once again to the surface, taking over his thoughts. "It was old my johns from Paris. And the guy who pimped me out. Then suddenly they weren't just looking at me, they were climbing through the slot. And they…" Sebastian started crying and he didn't need to say anymore. Joe understood and held him in his strong arms, safe and protected from anyone who wanted to hurt him. When his sobbing slowed, Sebastian continued. "I screamed for them to stop and leave me alone. I kept trying to call out to my father. To get him to hear me and save me. But every time I opened the slot they slammed it shut." His tears picked up again and he curled, shaking into Joe's arms. "I…just wanted…him to know."
Joe rocked him back and forth, holding him as tightly as he could, knowing that it would never be tight enough to stop the pain and humiliation that Sebastian felt those horrible nights on the street. Sebastian had been a scared little boy left alone to fend for himself with the only commodity he had available to him; his body. Not only had his father been physically ripped away from him, but his mother had emotionally disappeared, and neither had fully returned, not even today. Joe's heart ached for him. How different he would have been had he never lost the people who mattered most. Joe knew all about that. But at least he'd never had his own self, his very soul, stolen from him. And Joe always, throughout it all, could talk to his father.
Sebastian's wracking sobs began to diminish and his chest settled, his breakdown slowing into the occasional hiccup. "I'm sorry," Sebastian whispered, but Joe would hear none of it.
"Don't be sorry. Ever. I love you, this is what I'm here for," Joe uttered.
Sebastian froze at the spoken words and Joe squeezed his eyes, knowing he'd gone too far. This was it. Sebastian would grab his clothes and throw him out the door, never allowed to return.
But Sebastian only raised his body slowly from Joe's arms and met his eyes with such a mix of emotion, Joe could barely even begin to decipher it all. His voice was barely audible, but firm. "Please don't love me."
Joe fought the uncomfortable laughter that threatened to escape his throat, and instead grasped Sebastian's face in both hands. "Now you listen to me, Sebastian Smythe," Joe chastised. "You were here for me when I nearly lost my sister, you were here for me when I broke my father's heart, and you were here for me when I buried my mother. So yes, I love you. And you don't have to love me back if you don't want to because I'm not demanding anything of you. I'm not demanding to be your boyfriend, or your lover, or even your best friend, though somehow in some strange trick of the universe you have become mine," he said with a smile. He was rewarded with a small smile back, though Sebastian's eyes shifted to the bedspread. Joe took the moment to lean in, and when Sebastian did not pull away, he grazed his lips against the other man's. Sebastian shrunk back at first, then surged forward, meeting Joe's lips with a hunger he had not felt since their first time. Sebastian poured everything into that kiss, the hurt, the humiliation, the fear and his as yet unspoken love, until only blackness swam before his eyes and he gasped breathlessly, on top of Joe's insatiable moans.
Joe knew that he should stop Sebastian. He knew that the boy was at the point where he needed more than sex to soothe the fires within his heart. But his body did not listen to his mind as Sebastian reached across him into the drawer next to his bed. They'd talk more in the morning, Joe quickly thought, before his thoughts stopped being his own.
If my life were important I would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie far from this world
Close every door to me, keep those I love from me
Children of Israel are never alone
For I know I shall find my own peace of mind
For I have been promised a land of my own
Sebastian awoke the next morning relaxed and refreshed, though a nagging thought that he just couldn't quite reach remained in his mind. Joe was still asleep next to him, so he got up and took a shower. Joe must have heard the water stopping, but his eyes remained shut and his thoughts wandered in that place between awake and asleep. When he finally came to, he opened his eyes to see a very naked Sebastian rifling through his bureau for Saturday clothing.
"Mmm…." Joe hummed, stretching his arms up and folding them under his head for a better view. "I should enroll at Dalton. That's a sight I could wake to every morning ."
"Pretty sure you don't have the money for Dalton Academy, Darling," Sebastian quipped. "Besides, I'll be graduating in two months. Then you'll be pretty lonely here."
Joe hitched himself up on his elbows. "Going to Paris for the summer?" he asked with a frown.
Sebastian froze momentarily halfway through pulling his pants up, then continued his action as if he'd never stopped. "I don't know." His voice was low and heartbroken. "My father will want me to."
Joe got out of bed and walked to Sebastian, wrapping his arms around the taller man's waist. Sebastian turned and Joe pulled him down into a gentle kiss. "Does your father know what memories you have there?"
The question startled Sebastian out of his stupor, the nagging thought rushing to the forefront of his mind. The dream. He kept yelling at his father, wanting him to know. Sebastian's eyes met Joe's for the first time that morning and determination forced its way past the tears. "I think I have to tell him."
Joe captured Sebastian's hazel eyes, their attention firmly on one another. "I am here for you. Whatever you need. If you need me to come with you I'm there. If you need me to wait for you here, I will. If you need space, just say the word and I'll go home."
Sebastian's eyes stayed locked with Joe's for a minute, then he looked away, stealing private moments as he pulled on his shirt and went to the bathroom to comb his hair. He stared at himself in the mirror, searching his own eyes and heart. Truth was, he had no idea what he needed. He had never needed or wanted anyone before. In the moments he was honest with himself, he realized that for all intents and purposes, Blaine had been merely a plaything and a mirror of all the goodness in Sebastian that had been locked away with his father in the pit of the prison cells. It was those things in Blaine that he had loved with a burning passion, but never had he allowed himself to get close enough to really and truly fall in love with him.
And now Joe said he loved him. Sebastian had wanted to be able return those words, but they felt like empty promises, and he didn't want to make those anymore. It was almost ironic that Joe chose that moment to tell him. Or perhaps he didn't. Perhaps Joe was only picking up on what Sebastian had just realized. There was no room in his own heart for love. It was too shattered with pain, broken like glass into a million pieces that he was only just beginning to put back together. Some of the pieces were lost for good, others were mended every time he and Joe made love. But a giant piece lived beyond the small clanging metal slot in the wall. His father, just beyond reach.
He peered out the door of the bathroom to see Joe fully dressed and changing the sheets on the bed. Sebastian smiled at the scene for more reasons than just one. He didn't know how he had gotten so lucky as to have Joe Citino in his life, but somehow he knew that the universe had planned well when it brought Blaine Anderson and then Kurt Hummel into his life. Because without them, he wouldn't have Joe, and Joe was everything that he needed right now. "Don't go home. Please," he whispered, and Joe exchanged an easy glance with him. "I want you to come with me. Today, if that's okay."
Joe strode over to him and enfolded him in his arms, pulling their chests flush against one another. "That's absolutely okay," Joe assured him. He slowly leaned over and kissed Sebastian, who quickly breathed it in and parted his lips. Joe deepened the kiss, running his fingers through the hair on Sebastian's neck, then tracing his fingers from Sebastian's shoulder to his hand, linking their fingers. They broke apart and Joe gave Sebastian a little tug. "You ready?"
Sebastian nervously nodded, but though his heart tugged at him, he knew this was the right time. He needed peace of mind now more than ever, and with Joe by his side, he knew he was not alone.
I hear the steel drums sing their song
They're singing man you know you've got it wrong
I hear the voice of the yellow bird
Singing in the tree this is quite absurd
Blaine thought the weeks that Kurt was in rehearsal would crawl by, but the fact was, he was so busy he barely had a chance to miss him. Of course every night they would lie in their beds, snuggling into their pillows and cell phones sharing the intricacies of their day. Blaine loved hearing about the discoveries and friends Kurt was making in rehearsals. Kurt loved hearing about the Warblers last days of practice before the Regionals competition. They were both genuinely happy for one another and could imagine doing this for the rest of their life. Kurt in his theater world, Blaine in the music industry, both coming together at the end of each day to share their wonders. Only neither one could wait until they shared their bed as well.
The Warbler performances were most definitely taking a toll on Blaine. Two performances that he was leading, now that Sebastian was expelled from the group, and he was exhausted. Jeff had brought the choreography up to the next level, knowing they would need it to beat Vocal Adrenaline. They were almost grateful that New Directions had a free pass thanks to last year's Nationals win. The choir from Lima had always beaten them, and though they were depleted this year, Blaine was assured that their heart was still the same. Because of this, Nick was putting up with no nonsense from any of the Warblers, forgetting sometimes that their levity and childish nature was what made them special. As for Blaine, he was pulling double duty as lead performer and musical director, with the harmonies more complex than they had ever done in the past. Most of the boys thought they would pass out from exhaustion before the ever reached the stage. But by the time the contest was held, they were ready and they blew the competition away. From the moment they performed and they heard the roar of the crowd as the audience rose to their feet in unison, the Warblers knew they had won.
The celebration back in Westerville was triumphant. The Warblers had rented out a room at a local restaurant, and had sent out exclusive invitations to their friends and supporters. With Blaine's approval, they invited Sebastian. He had, after all, been instrumental in their trip to Regionals in the first place. And since the start of term, Sebastian and Blaine had been moving forward. Blaine saw no evidence of manipulation or dishonesty. In fact, it seemed that since Joe had come into his life, despite himself, Sebastian truly had changed.
Though Kurt couldn't make it to the competition, he left rehearsal immediately that night and rushed to the Warbler celebration. He entered the room to find Blaine huddled with Sebastian and Joe in a corner, but before he could make his way over, Blaine caught his eye. The Warbler rushed over to him, meeting him in the center of the dance floor and flung him around in a circle, their lips crashing together before Blaine even put him down. All eyes in the hall were on them, but neither cared and when they finally pulled apart they were met with hoots and catcalls. They both laughed and kissed again, just to give the boys a show. A slow dance began and Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck as Blaine reached for the Kurt's waist and pulled him close. "I've missed you so much," Blaine whispered.
"I've missed you too," Kurt hummed in his ear. "The touch of your fingertips. The smell of your skin." He ran his fingers through Blaine's lightly gelled hair. "The tickle of your curls."
Blaine smiled. "I missed the feel of your hands holding me close. I missed the warmth of your body against mine. I missed the sway of your hips," he grinned.
"My hips miss your hips," Kurt laughed and kissed him. "And other parts of me missed other parts of you," he smirked.
Blaine twirled Kurt around and dipped him, kissing him passionately as he held him tightly in his arms. When Blaine finally guided him back onto his feet, he grabbed Kurt's hand and led him away from the dance floor and back to the table where Sebastian and Joe sat. "Come on, I have a surprise for you."
"If this surprise includes Sebastian, I'm not sure you'll get the reaction you want dear," Kurt said wryly.
"Trust me," Blaine said with an innocent grin.
Kurt gave Joe a kiss on the cheek in greeting as he sat next to his friend, merely raising an eyebrow in Sebastian's direction. Blaine sat next to his ex-boyfriend and quickly grabbed Kurt's hand across the table. "How have you been?" Kurt asked Joe kindly. Blaine had told him about Joe's Mom. Kurt had been sad he couldn't make it to the funeral, but part of him would be happy never to attend another one again.
"I'm okay. Getting through. My dad told me that the house in Columbus is mine, so it looks like I'm going to be spending a lot of time there cleaning it up. Robin said that as soon as I think it's ready she'll come check it out and if it's safe I can move in." Joe's voice was soft but had a sense of amazement, and Kurt understood completely.
"It's really great, having your own place," Kurt agreed. He smiled at Joe. Though he knew the death of his mother was hard, out of the darkness came promise and Joe deserved everything good in the world.
"Kurt," Blaine said softly, and smiling blue eyes turned to him. "I wanted to do something really special to celebrate your first professional production. So…" Blaine was forever taken aback by Kurt's strength and perseverance and complete and utter beauty, so much so that it took his breath away. He stole a breath and squeezed Kurt's hand. "I talked to the producers at the theater. And I talked to the management at the Department and arranged it all."
Kurt's brow furrowed and he laughed lightly. "Arranged what all, Blaine? What are you talking about?"
Blaine gave him a sweet smile, though he was a little nervous. He hoped that Kurt didn't think he'd overstepped. "Four seats at every performance are now reserved for kids in foster care and their social workers. Beth and Robin are sending the word around to all the offices in the area."
Kurt's jaw dropped in shock and surprise and he shook his head. "Blaine, that's 63 performances! You shouldn't have…I mean, that's a lot of money," he managed to spit out nervously.
"Well," Blaine said, biting his lower lip. "I had a little help." Blaine glanced over to Sebastian, who gazed back at Kurt, nervous but hopeful.
Sebastian reached a hand across the table and Joe's slipped on top smoothly. Kurt had no idea what to make of the glance between the two boys, but if he didn't know better he'd say that sincerity and love shined between them both. Sebastian looked back to Kurt with a shy shrug. "I know I promised to leave you and Blaine alone. And I will from now on if you want." He looked at Joe, the feelings he'd never say out loud clearly leaking through. "But this is something I wanted to do. For them. For the kids like Joe and Gina. And you."
Kurt studied him, waiting for the trick, but Sebastian appeared genuine. "Thank you," he said, accepting the gift with a kiss to Blaine's fingertips and a soft smile to Sebastian. Blaine's eyes sparkled, and Kurt saw him search out Nick across the room. Blaine gave the other Warbler an inconspicuous nod, but Kurt didn't miss a thing and he side-eyed Blaine, wondering what the Warblers were up to. He didn't have to wait long.
The music stopped and Nick took the microphone. "Hey everyone! I just wanted to say a few words. First things first, ORLANDO HERE WE COME!" The room erupted in screams and applause and Kurt laughed at how excited Blaine was, jumping up and down for his trip to Disneyworld. Nick motioned for the boys to settle, and finally they did. "Now, we have a few people to thank. Blaine Anderson, our lead singer and musical director, and Jeff Sterling our choreographer, both my fellow council members, please give them a hand."
"And to Nick Duval!" Trent yelled and the room again exploded with catcalls and a standing ovation for the three Warbler leaders. Kurt's face was full of pride as he watched Blaine's cheeks blush. He didn't think that either of their smiles could get any bigger.
"And of course a huge thank you to each and every one of the Warblers who helped us get to Nationals." Again applause broke out, but Nick hushed them quickly and the room fell quiet. "As we all know, the Warblers have always been a family. Once a Warbler, always a Warbler is our motto. Sometimes, things can get crazy in a family, I think we all know that." The boys all chuckled, but kept their attention on Nick. "Sometimes family hurts one another. And then it's good to take a break. But a break should never be goodbye." Nick's eyes fell on Kurt's table and his gaze met Sebastian's. "Warblers took a vote Sebastian. And it was unanimous. We want you to come to Orlando with us. If you're willing."
Kurt's eyes narrowed but his instantaneous suspicions that the donation had been a ruse were melted away when he turned to the stunned Sebastian. It would have been completely in the boy's character to use the donation to Kurt as a way to worm his way back into the Warblers. But if the complete look of shock on the Sebastian's face didn't convince him, the tears of joy that rolled down his cheeks did.
Sebastian turned to Blaine in astonishment, his heart pounding in his chest. "You voted for me to come back?"
"You've changed Sebastian," Blaine nodded warmly. "You deserve another chance."
Sebastian shifted his attention Kurt. Kurt had been the one he'd hurt and he knew he didn't have the man's forgiveness. He wanted to compete with the Warblers more than anything, but he wouldn't do it if Kurt didn't approve. "Are you okay with this? I won't go if you're not."
Kurt was taken aback by Sebastian's question, but then he considered it. Sebastian had been kicked out of the Warblers because he had tried to humiliate and destroy Kurt. So why should he be okay with him going back?
Kurt's mind flashed back to a conversation he'd had only the day before. His cast members knew him by now, and they knew when to leave him alone. He'd grabbed a coffee at break and curled himself up in the antique armchair that sat in the corner of the rehearsal hall. He was frustrated with the scene before the finale. He was frustrated with himself.
His cast mates may have recognized the signs to leave him be, but his director would offer him no such space.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, putting a hand on Kurt's knee. "This scene really seems to be causing you some trouble."
Kurt offered a tight smile and sighed. "I'm trying, I really am. But I just don't understand how after everything his brothers put him through, Joseph could so easily forgive them. I suppose it's because they are his brothers."
The director shook his head. "First of all, it isn't so easy. Joseph tests them first. He looks for signs of change and love. And when he sees those signs, he forgives not because they are his brothers, but because they are people. And because the Pharaoh gave him a second chance, he learns that others deserve the same."
Kurt's gaze fell to Sebastian's hand clasped in Joe's. He'd been gone three weeks, but apparently a lot had changed. Kurt knew he didn't forgive as easily as Joseph. He didn't think Sebastian would change as easily as in a bible story. But growing up the way he did, surrounded by kids with horrible stories to tell, knowing that Sebastian's behavior stemmed from a similar story, Kurt accepted that the boy deserved a second chance.
"Go," he said with a hesitant smile. "Sing your song, Sebastian."
We all dream a lot.
Some are lucky. Some are not.
But if you think it, want it, dream it, then it's real.
You are what you feel.
But all that I say can be told another way
In the story of a boy whose dreams came true.
And he could be you.
Kurt paced the floor of his dressing room a little before half hour. He had gotten there early, nervous about everything being exactly right on opening night. Tech week had gone less than smooth, but Kurt was reassured that a poor dress rehearsal meant an amazing opening night. Still, it left his stomach with a million butterflies fluttering around and he thought he might throw up.
That was until a dozen red-tipped roses slipped through the door, followed by the most handsome man anyone could want for a boyfriend. Kurt blushed as he reached for the flowers and Blaine pulled him close for a kiss. "Je te dis merde, mon beau," Blaine whispered against his ear.
"Mmm…" Kurt hummed. "Someone's been practicing."
Blaine put the flowers in a vase on the dressing room table. He'd need to get water later for them, but there were okay for now. He sat down in Kurt's chair and pulled the star on his lap. "So how are you feeling?"
"Scared as merde," Kurt laughed. "But better now that you're here."
"You're going to be amazing and you know it," Blaine assured him. Kurt kissed him again, allowing Blaine's spirit to both soothe and energize him. A knock on the door interrupted them and they both smiled with embarrassment as the stage manager stuck her head in. "Half hour, Mr. Hummel," she said with a grin at him and Blaine.
"Thank you half hour," Kurt responded professionally.
"So this is the boyfriend," she said leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed around her chest, velvet bag in hand.
"Yes Elizabeth, this is my amazing boyfriend, Blaine Anderson. Blaine, this is my amazing stage manager, Elizabeth."
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," she said with a playful smile to Blaine and an approving wink in Kurt's direction. The blush on both boys' faces deepened. Elizabeth scooted up and held the bag out to Kurt. "Valuables?" she asked.
Kurt shook his head. "Not tonight, Elizabeth, thanks," he said and she left.
Blaine watched as Kurt twirled the ring on his finger and slipped it off. Kurt reached for Blaine's hand and placed it on the boy's pinky, Blaine's hands far stockier than Kurt's slender fingers. "Hold it for me tonight?"
"I'll hold it for you every night if you want me to," Blaine promised. He gave Kurt one more quick kiss, then stepped back. "I should be going. You need to get ready."
"I love you," Kurt said, blowing him a kiss.
"Break a leg, gorgeous," Blaine said before closing the door behind him and heading out to the audience.
Blaine sat mesmerized in the audience, watching Kurt perform the role of Joseph. He knew his boyfriend was good, but today he was incredible. Blaine alternated between laughter and tears, his heart swelling with pride knowing that while everyone in the audience would fall in love with the man, tonight Kurt would go home with him. But his heart also broke, truly understanding the history, the trauma, the pain that Kurt brought to the role. Blaine's fingers flew to Kurt's ring the moment that Joseph was imprisoned. He watched as complete and utter despair emanated from Kurt's eyes, the look of losing everything and everyone. The fear of the unknown. He felt he was staring into the eyes of eight year old Kurt as he was dropped on the doorstep of relatives who didn't want him, and he lost his breath.
When the children's chorus came on stage, candles flickering in their little fingers, Joseph stared out at them through the metal bars of his prison cell, and the tears rolled down Blaine's face. Kurt sank down to his knees, and Blaine felt his heart drop with him. He knew without a doubt that Kurt saw every one of those children as the ones he grew up with, abused, neglected, alone, with no family and little hope. He saw in them himself and Joe and Gina and maybe even Sebastian. He saw the thousands of children still out there, still struggling.
Just give me a number
Instead of my name
Forget all about me
And let me decay
I do not matter
I'm only one person
Destroy me completely
Then throw me away
As Joseph rose with renewed determination, Kurt's eyes were like fire. Blaine saw the boy he knew, the spirit, the courage, the strength to fight every battle, to reach for the stars. He saw the man he loved more than anyone else in the world and once again his fingers flew to the ring he held in safe keeping. He remembered the promises he made, and thought of the promises he planned to make someday. To love him, honor him and cherish him. To be a family and to make a home together.
If my life were important I would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie far from this world
Close every door to me, Keep those I love from me
Children of Israel are never alone
For we know we shall find our own peace of mind
For we have been promised a land of our own
As Kurt reached for the prison cell bars, he stared out into the audience and looked at the children in the seats reserved by Blaine and Sebastian. He sang for them. He knew that in the end, sometimes it felt that they were all the same. Foster parents, program staff, social workers. It was like this illusion that you belonged somewhere and to someone. But then the magic fades, they go home to their own families and you're left alone again. But today he sang to give them hope and courage. To let them know that they were never alone. That there were people in the world just waiting to someday love them and be their family. Whether they returned to their parents, found a forever family, or had to wait until that special someone came into their lives and swept them off their feet, they should never give up hope because someday they would find a place to truly call home.
We all dream a lot
Some are lucky, some are not
But if you think it, want it, dream it, then it's real
You are what you feel.
But all that I say can be told another way
In the story of a boy whose dream came true
And he could be you
Blaine and Kurt sat in Kurt's apartment across from each other at the kitchen counter, their letters from Columbia University in their hands. Both had thick packets, and they knew what that was supposed to mean, but it didn't stop their hearts from racing.
"You go first," Kurt said, the feeling in the pit of his stomach nearly as bad as opening night.
"No way," Blaine answered. "We do this together."
"Fine." Kurt locked eyes with Blaine and they both took a deep breath. "One, two, three."
The two boys ripped open their envelopes and pulled out the letter that answered all their questions. They read in silence, each one letting the news settle as they came to terms with what the words meant to their future. Finally, at the same time, they looked up.
Kurt watched Blaine, biting his lip as he waited for the love of his life to reveal what his letter said.
"I got in," Blaine whispered nervously, his eyes searching Kurt's expression for any sign of what the other letter had said.
Kurt sighed with relief, as a smile broke out on his face. "I got in too," he breathed.
It took a moment for it to settle in, then Blaine rushed to Kurt and lifted him out of the chair, carrying him over to the bed and throwing him down. Blaine straddled him and leaned over to kiss Kurt's beaming lips passionately. "We are going to college, Kurt. You and me. Together." Blaine had never been happier in his life. He looked at Kurt, who stayed quiet. "What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking that dreams really can come true."
The run of the show had been amazing, but it had been with a doubly heavy heart that Kurt performed his second to last performance on the Sunday matinee. As he busied himself during the moments he wasn't on stage by cleaning up his space, his mind drifted to Blaine. He hated missing Blaine walk in his cap and gown, with Sebastian, Nick, Jeff and Trent by his side, his parents in the audience. But this wasn't Broadway, there were no understudies, and the show must go on. Blaine said he understood, but it made the afternoon performance only that much harder. The only thing that lightened his mood was knowing that Blaine wore his ring on the graduation stage that afternoon, so a small part of him was at least there. And they would all be at his performance tonight.
In Florida, Blaine and Sebastian had agreed not to forget their past, but to move beyond it. Even without Kurt and Joe by their sides, Sebastian had been a perfect gentleman, and Blaine was proud to call him a friend. They had shared the spotlight in Orlando, along with Nick and Jeff's duet, and it was that depth of talent that they believed secured the Warblers the win at Nationals. They arrived home, trophy in hand, just in time for finals and graduation.
And now it was Kurt's closing night performance. Blaine was flying high as he entered the theater. He'd seen the show a number of times by now, but he couldn't wait to share it with his parents, Sebastian and Joe. Kurt had told him that he'd understand if he celebrated with his parents, but Blaine hushed him. The day would not be complete without Kurt and seeing his closing night performance was the perfect end to a perfect day. Joe and Sebastian agreed, so Blaine went with his friends and his family to a quick dinner, then Kurt's final performance.
From the moment Kurt stepped on the stage that night the air was electric. Kurt could feel his friends and his family in the audience and it fueled his performance to greater depths than he'd experienced in all 62 of his other performances. Perhaps it was the adrenaline of closing night or the idea of leaving it all on the stage one last time, but the love that emanated from the house was tangible for him. He felt their laughter and he felt their tears as if he held their hand along the way and he used that energy in every word, every song, and every moment on that stage. But he felt even more. In the final scene, as Jacob, Joseph's father, found him again long after both believed to be forever parted, Kurt felt his own father and mother in the air. Kurt's tears of pain and joy were real that evening, for everyone he loved in the theater that night.
I close my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain what I thought I knew
Far, far away, someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping
Any dream will do
In the audience Kurt sought Joe's eyes. His first friend. Joe had come so far from the little boy weeping in the corner of his home, huddled with a baby sister he tried desperately to care for but couldn't. Crying for his mother already lost, and the loving father just out of reach. They'd grown so much together. They had discovered who they truly were together. They had cried together and healed together. And they had been able to move on together.
I wore my coat with golden lining
Bright colors shining wonderful and new
In another part of the world, across the oceans, another boy had everything he could possibly dream of, the designer clothes, the gold. Kurt's eyes met Sebastian's. The story of Joseph and his brothers reflected so much of that spoiled, lost boy. The superiority, the hatred, the evil and the redemption. In that moment he finally forgave Sebastian as Joseph forgave his brothers, and Sebastian nodded, a small smile seeping through his tears.
And in the east the dawn was breaking
And the world was waking
Any dream will do.
And finally, his eyes rested on his beloved Blaine. He came out of the closet when he was young like the sun broke the dawn, and the world wasn't ready, but it never stopped him. He fought his way out of despair and into a world of acceptance and love. And then he sang his way into Kurt's heart forever.
A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden coat, flew out of sight
The colors faded into darkness
I was left alone.
Each one of them had suffered greatly, losing their mothers and their fathers when they had needed them most. They'd suffered because of it. They'd been neglected, abused, bullied and taken advantage of. They all had been left completely alone at one point or another.
May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating
Any dream will do
Their hopes and dreams faded, as they wished for the earlier days when things were easier, when they were loved unconditionally, when they weren't so alone. It was hard to even remember some days what it was they dreamed of, on the days when they stared out the windows, or through the glass, or into the slots in the wall at a glimpse of what it was and what it could be. They waited. Sometimes patiently. Sometimes not. They waited for the world to change around them. They waited for love, family, and home.
Give me my colored coat, my amazing colored coat.
As Kurt turned to the children and his father on that stage, the golden coat wrapped around him once again, and he felt the dream coming true. He felt his own father's arms wrap around him, as well as those of Blaine. He felt a sense of peace surround him, a sense of belonging and relief. He turned around to the audience. Blaine's eyes were shining. Joe and Sebastian had their arms linked and their hands clasped. He saw pride in the faces of Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. Kurt had sought his independence but he had found so much more. They all had. They found the forever families they had been looking for, because no matter what happened in the future, Kurt and Blaine and Sebastian and Joe would forever be family.
Author's Note:
Thank you all so very much for reading. There will be an epilogue and I will get it up as soon as possible.
The characters of Kurt, Joe, and Sebastian are inspired by some of the most amazing and sometimes heartbreaking children it has ever been my privilege to meet.
To my Kurts: I am so proud of you and all you have accomplished. You are an inspiration.
To my Joes, both the one who is now gone and who inspired this character and the hundreds of children he and his sister Gina embody: Keep loving, keep hoping, keep reaching for the stars.
And to my beautiful Sebastian, I know you are out there. Stay strong and stay safe. Your Joe is out there somewhere too.