Holding On To This Moment

"I wish you would've come down for Spring Break sweetheart." I held the phone between my ear and shoulder as I reached up in the cabinet the kitchen. I looked through the shelves, wishing I was taller, as my mom continued to talk. "I mean, I haven't seen you in months! I miss my baby."

"You've gone longer without seeing me, you know." I reminded her. "Like when I spent a year in Japan with dad's parents or when I was going to boarding school overseas."

"That's different." She said. "You we're in another country then."

"Right, like we don't have our own private jet." I said sarcastically. She laughed a little before sighing.

"I still wanted to see you. It was pure torture when I would wake up Christmas morning and the only way I could talk to you was through a video. Or I had to do long distance calling." I flinched at the slight pain in her voice. "I didn't have to deal with them in this case, so what's your excuse?" I sighed.

"I just wanted to spend the week someplace new, mom." I told her, temporarily taking a break from trying to reach the pancake mix. "With new people and new-" I couldn't help the smirk that came over my face-"experiences. It's not that I don't miss you. I do. But I'll be back in a couple of months. I thought it would be okay if I skipped out on this one." It was my mom's turn to sigh.

"I know, I know. Part of growing up is experiencing new things." She said in an ironic tone. "But still wished you would've come home."

"Please don't make me feel guilty." I asked her quietly. She was silent for a moment.

"I'm glad you're having fun." she said. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"Me too."

"And I can't wait to see you."

"Me either."

"Bye, sweetie. I love you." She said with a slightly sad tone.

"I love you, too." I said before hanging up. I sighed as I reached up once more, trying to grab the pancake mix. I glared at the box that was just out my reach as I stood on my tiptoes. I felt Robin wrap his arm around my waist as he reach over my head to get the box. My glare softened as he put it in my hands.

"Now I know why my dad made the cabinets so high." He said in my ear before kissing it. I moaned quietly before relaxing against him.

"Shut up." I told him. I stepped away from him to start making breakfast.

"Oh, come on." He said. "Don't act like you don't love my voice." He moved my hair and kissed the back of my neck. I paused, closing my eyes. He stroked the skin under my shirt and I bit back a moan. I rested my head back on his shoulder.

"I love a lot of things about you." I told him. "But if you keep doing that, breakfast will never get done." Robin chuckled but I felt him smile on my neck before stepping away.

"So how was the talk with your mom?" He asked as he sat on the other side of the island.

"It was nice." I said. "It's funny how I forgot how much I missed talking to her."

"Most people do." He said nonchalantly. "But only if they really talk to them. Moms are usually really good at listening." I nodded in agreement. We talked about light topics, nothing serious as we sat down for breakfast. I shifted a bit as we did, massaging my neck. I saw Robin smirk.

"What?" I asked. He gave a mischievous smile before shrugging.

"You sore, baby?" he asked. I rolled my eyes as he laughed at me.

"Yes, I'm very sore since someone wanted to pull an all nighter." I told him, leaning back. I slouched a bit to relax my spine. Robin got up and walked over to my side of the table. He pulled my chair back as he lifted me into his lap, kissing my cheek.

"Sorry, baby," he said as he began to kiss the side of my neck. I turned to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Don't be." I told him. He kissed me softly and smirked.

"Good, because I wasn't." he said between kissing me, "Still not." I pulled away and leaned on his shoulder. I sighed as I looked out the window to the ocean. I frowned as I stared at it.

"Watcha thinking about, sweetheart?" He asked quietly. I buried my face into his neck. I kissed it before breathing in his scent.

"You know what." Robin tightened his hold on me for a moment before drawing small circles on my back.

"It'll be okay." He whispered. I shook his head. "It will."

"It's our last day." I said as I pulled back to look at his face. "It's the last day that I go out in public with you. Spend time with you during the day. The last day that I can eat breakfast, laugh, have some real free fun with you." I kissed him. "The last day I can do all that and not be scared or worried." My shoulders sagged a bit as I looked down at my hands. "This is the last day that I can make love to you and wake up next to you." I told him, barely above a whisper.

"Is it so wrong for me to be sad?" I asked him quietly, desperately. I looked up at his mournful look. He shook his "no." Robin bit his lip and looked away from me. I didn't looked away from his face, memorizing how it looked for the days ahead of us when it would be too dark for me to see him.

"We should go to the beach today." Robin said. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He looked at me with a hint of a smile. "I'm serious. We've lived on one all week and haven't spend more than an hour or two on it. So I say today is a beach day. Just me, you, and the ocean." I looked back at the window with longing. He was right. We've either gone to the city or stayed in. We've barely been on the beach. And I haven't been in so long…I gave him a small smile with a nod.

"I'd like that." I told him. His smile grew and he looked at me like I made him world. Like I was his universe.

"I love you." He told me before kissing my cheek. He gently pushed me off his lap, towards the bedroom. "Now go get ready. I'll get the chairs and stuff." I looked at him, giving him a real smile as I did, before going to our room to change.

Robin and I walked arm-in-arm as we walked towards the beach. We spotted two wooden beach chairs and threw our beach towels over them and Robin set up an umbrella. I took off my flip-flops off and sighed as I felt the sand on my toes. Since it was still mid-morning, the sand was cool.

I looked out at the water and the sky, which was shaking off the last of the sunrise colors. I breathed in the sea air, salty and heavy. Despite the fact that my separation from Robin was just on the horizon, it looked very far away. I couldn't help the smile that grew across my face as I grabbed Robin's hand and lead him to the water.

The water was freezing as it hit my skin but I didn't care as I splashed in it. I laughed as I hit Robin with water, starting a water fight. He slipped at one point, making me laugh before he began to chase me. I would always just be out his reach every time, his fingertips brushing my skin. I would only giggle before dodging him once again. I didn't savor the touch as if it would be my last or think of how our whole relationship was based on us chasing each other. I only kept encouraging for him to keep trying to catch me.

"Come on, Robin, you gotta work harder than that!" I exclaimed as I turned to him. I squealed as he caught my waist so we were chest-to-chest. We stumbled to the ground at the sudden capture. I giggled softly as he grinned. He kissed my shoulder.

"Looks, like I've caught you." He said.

We laid like that for a while. My back was on the ground as he laid his head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat, our legs intertwined. We were both breathing heavily. I sighed as I stroked his hair silently. He wrapped his arms around me more as the water lapped at our legs. I closed my eyes briefly at the feeling before watching the water glimmer and sparkle in the sun. I didn't pay attention to the people playing farther down or the looks we got.

I was at peace.

Robin shivered before lifting his head. He kissed me before sitting up.

"I'm hungry." He said, his stomach growling in unison. I laughed before holding my hand out. He grabbed it and we stood. He placed his arm around my shoulders as we walked back to the chairs. I plopped down on one as he dug through one of the bags we brought. I watched him pull out various containers of food. When all of them were out, he opened them. There was Greek salad, potato salad, grilled cheese sandwiches, and two jars filled with lemonade.

"I would strongly suggest not to drop any of this and to hope for no wind for a good half hour." He said. I shook my head as I smiled at him, reaching out the food. He gave me my half and perched himself at the edge of my chair. I brought my legs closer to my body so he could have more room and he complied by moving closer.

"Of course, Chef Robin," I teased lightly as I ate part of his grilled cheese sandwich. "Mmm, this is really good. My boyfriend can cook." Robin looked down sheepishly before shrugging. I nudged him with my foot.

"You never told me you could cook." I said quietly, tasting the salads. They were just as good as the grilled cheese sandwich. Robin sighed, picking at his food. I stared at him patiently while eating. Robin stayed quiet as he looked towards the ocean. The moment began to turn uncomfortable. I moved the half-eaten food aside and scooted closer to him. I touched his arm gently. He didn't looked at me. He only stared at the ocean stretched in front of us. I leaned my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"You can tell me." I reassured him quietly. He lifted his hand and stroked my arm.

"I know." He whispered. I looked at him. He looked lost, confused. I frowned as the air around us became tense and heavy. He sighed.

"I learned how to cook a few years back." He said. "It was a few years after my parents died. I was going through puberty, which meant that me and Bruce were always at odds. Dinner was more of a battlefield than a time I could eat, so I wouldn't. After a few weeks of starving myself at night, I couldn't take being hungry anymore. I would wait till around eleven or so at night when Bruce and Alfred were asleep and go down to the kitchen. Some days, Alfred wouldn't make anything I liked so I would make it myself.

"I began getting use to eating late at night so I wouldn't be so hungry, therefore not as hell-bent on finding something to eat immediately. As I got use to all this, I began getting curious. What could I make in that hour I was down there? What could I do different? What can I make that would taste better than when Alfred makes it? So I started dragging out the old family cookbooks and started modifying the recipes.

"I kept it up for two months, thinking that nobody knew about it. That it was my own secret. Nobody but me would ever know. And I liked that. It's not something I want a career in or a secret dream of mine to become a chef and all that but I would say it was a nice hobby. Something that helped me realize that my life didn't really suck like I thought it did.

"One night I'm about to make a chicken pot pie. Everything's normal: Bruce and Alfred are asleep, the kitchen is quiet for the most part and I'm relaxed. There's nothing different. So imagine my surprise when I turn around after putting the food in the oven and Bruce is sitting at the counter in his robe, holding his newspaper, staring at me. I jump, like, thirty feet in the air-" I chuckled and he flashed a quick smile at me before continuing-"I'm thinking I'm about to get in trouble and get yelled at when he asked me 'What are you making?' Now me, I'm looking at him like he's crazy. Isn't he supposed to be giving me a lecture about being down here instead of in bed or something?

"'Um…Chi-chicken pot, um, pot pie.' I said, clearly scared for my life-Bruce can be very intimidating when he wants to be-and he just sits back and nods. He then opens his paper and starts reading. I'm staring at him, waiting for him to stop being calm and yell or scream or something, anything other than just sit there and read. I didn't even realize I was waiting until the timer beeped for the food. I took it out and placed it on the stove to cool.

"He said 'you must have been very hungry.' I tell him yeah, I was. We don't talk as I get my plate and get a slice or when I got him a plate and put some on his. He looked surprised but didn't comment. We ate silently. After he got done eating, he washed his plate, mumbled goodnight, and went back to sleep. I didn't know what to say so I just told him goodnight. I was so confused about what just happened, I didn't even know what to think.

"The next morning, it was back to normal. He would get on me about something and I would argue with him. I wouldn't really eat at dinner and I would cook at night. And every few nights, he would come down to the kitchen. He would read his paper as I cooked and we would eat silently. It was routine. In a weird way, I felt myself growing closer to him through those silent dinners. He wasn't confusing or demanding or anything else…he was just Bruce, one of my favorite people in the world. The guy that took my in and, though I didn't admit, looked at as a father.

"One night I asked him how he knew I was in the kitchen at night. I made sure everything was put as it was the night before so no one would suspect anything but I knew that somehow, someway, he found out. He always knew about stuff like that. He gave this are-you-serious look and told me 'Boy, I knew you were down here in this kitchen every night for weeks before I came down here. I could smell the food up the hall. Honestly, it always made me hungry. The night I came down here, I got so hungry that I had to see what you were doing.' And I remember smiling as he said all this. I don't really know why but I walked over and hugged him. At the time, I've hugged Bruce only so many times so I figured it must have been weird for him. But he hugged me back and after that, we were always in the kitchen.

"Eventually, I started doing more stuff during the day and I got too tired to really do anything at night so I stopped cooking for a couple of nights a week. Then it became weeks at a time until I didn't cook at all anymore. I mean, I still do occasionally, when I'm frustrated or can't sleep, and every now and then Bruce will come down to eat with me.

"Just like with your dad, it helps me remind me of who he really is. He's not a hard ass. He just doesn't want to lose me. And it reminds me, that despite all the unforgivable things I've done, he still loves me." He looked me with a small smile. "Like you." I smiled before kissing him gently. He turned so we were face-to-face and he could wrap his arms around me.

"I love you." I told him. "Despite everything that's happened. And I'll still love you no matter what."

"Usually after people say that, something happens to make a person regret that statement." I pressed my forehead to his and held him to me. I looked at him with all the love I felt for him.

"I won't say that I'll always like you or want to be around you. Or that we would truly be together for the rest of our live." I told him honestly. His eyes flickered away from mine before looking back at me. I didn't miss the flash of hurt I saw in them. I stroked his face gently. "But I do know that I'll love you, that you'll always be my first. Whether you like it-" I kissed his forehead. "-or not." He smiled, turning his face into my palm and kissed.

"I doubt I'll ever do that." I shrugged before leaning back.

"Maybe you will, maybe you won't." I winked at him. "We'll see." And as he smiled, I wondered where the sunlight was coming from the sun or him.

Robin and I spent the rest of the day playing and laughing in the water until the sun began to set. Then we went back to the beach chairs for dinner (he made spaghetti!). As it got cooler, I dried myself off before putting on sweets and a light jacket. Robin put on shorts with a black hoodie and we started to walk along the beach and started asked each other odd ball questions for the rest of the night, like we did when we first met.

"What's your favorite car?" Robin asked me.

"My Aero." I answered without thinking twice. "But I might need to go shopping for new ones soon."

"Yeah, that's what it is," he said sarcastically. I chuckled and he kissed my temple. "Shopping." I shrugged as we walked hand-in-hand on the beach, just outside the reach of the water.

"I'm not saying it's right but I won't lie and say it's not fun." I sat down on the sand. Robin sat behind me, wrapping his arms around me. I sighed, settling into his arms. "Once I start my own car company, I won't have to do it anymore. It'll be my designs, my cars…I won't ever have to steal again." He tightened his arms around me.

"You'll make it." He told me quietly. We were quiet as we watched the sunset for a moment. The water shimmered under the orange light of the sun. The sky was orange, pink, and purple as it started to fade into blue-black. Tiny pinpoints of stars began to show.

"What's your favorite 'I will never tell my parents I like this' song?" I felt Robin laugh as he heard my question.

"Hmm…I guess I would have to say Frank Sinatra 'Polka Dots and Moonbeams'"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. My mom use to love really old jazz so she would always play it around the house. It used to drive me crazy but as I kept listening to it, I started liking it. I never told her but I think she knew. She always had this small, knowing smile when turned the song on and watched me. She wouldn't say anything. She would just grab my hand and make me dance with her. She and Bruce had that in common. They were both intuitive like that, like they knew all of your deep, dark secret but would never tell, as if it was their secret, too…

"It was like they were halves of one person. I could tell that even when I was younger. They could survive without the other but it was…harder for them to do it. It was harder for them to smile, to work, to do everything. I told my mom that once and she said 'Mr. Bruce and I are two separate people whose arms only fit each other's. We held each other and after that, despite everything that has happened, our arms still stretched towards the others. It hurts when we're apart but it's okay. Some loves are meant to last only for a moment. But that moment…it's worth anything. This doesn't mean I don't care about your dad but it means that sometimes it's okay to love more than one person…that it's okay for me to love Bruce, too.' " He looked down at me with a quiet, somber smile.

"What do you think she meant?" I asked him softly.

"You can't help who you love. If it's right, than it's right; doesn't matter how much you care about someone else." He pressed his forehead to mine. "I didn't understand what she meant back then, but now I think I do." I cracked a soft smile at him before kissing him quickly. I snuggled into his arms once more before breathing in the sea air.

"What about you? What's your favorite 'I'll never tell my parents' song?"

"'The Makings of You' by Curtis Mayfield." I answered automatically with a sigh as I laid my head on his chest.

"Wow. I would've never guessed that." I chuckled.

"Yeah, most people wouldn't." I said. "Back when my mom and dad were struggling, every once in a while, something would go wrong and it was something my dad did-I never knew what exactly-but he would always tuck me in before going to the kitchen, where my mom always goes when she's upset, and he would turn on that song. I remember peeking out the door at night and seeing him hold out her hand.

"It might have taken the first verse. It might have the first verses, chorus, and the instrumental right before the song ended but it didn't matter. He always waited for her to take his hand. And she would always take it. She always stood up and she always let him hold her. And they would dance, as the song repeated over and over. And I would always fall asleep to it…" I looked at the fading horizon as I let the memory wash over me.

"I hope that works if you get mad at me." He said, teasing me. I looked at him and laughed a bit.

"Maybe it will, maybe it won't. We'll see." I reassured him, sighing into the night as the last of the sun began to fade over the horizon. I felt myself drifting away from the moment with only Robin's arms holding to the ground. My only anchor to the world…

"Add a little sugar/honeysuckle and /a great big expression of happiness/Boy, you couldn't miss…" I closed my eyes as Robin sang my old lullaby softly in my ear as he held me tight as the sun faded and the stars came out. "With a dozen roses/such would astound you/the joy of children laughing around you/these are the makings of you/and it's true/the makings of you…"

I slammed my locker closed as I listened to students who passed by, talking about their "amazing" spring break. There were other lockers closing and the chatter of daily chaos echoed around me as everybody came to the same depressing conclusion: it's not a holiday anymore.

After our day on the beach, Robin and I went back to the house. We didn't make love for hours on end (that was the night before). Last night …we just lay in each other's arms, holding the other tight. When we woke up, pretending that this wasn't the last time we would see each other like that for two months, we ate pancakes with orange juice, playing around and talking. But like Cinderella, neither of us could stop midnight from coming.

Or noon in this case.

I packed my bags inside my car. I would be driving back to Gotham by myself and Robin would stay at the beach house; he would leave tomorrow. Robin stood beside me as I got ready to leave with look of disappointment and plain sadness written over his face. I tried not to look at it too long. I didn't want to remember him like that. I wanted to remember the goofiness of his attitude, the easy smile…the look I his eyes when he said he loved me. I looked at the ocean behind me with longing and realization.

I was going back to the world now.

And I hated it.

I let out a pained sigh as I turned away from it, feeling the danger and fear of going back to Gotham begin to rise up for the first time in a week. I looked at my bags with a blurry eyes as I checked to see if I had everything. With more force than I thought it would take, I closed the trunk, the sound echoing in my mind as I realized that my vacation was over. I blinked back more tears as I turned to look at Robin. He looked heartbroken as he saw the tears in my eyes. I opened my mouth to say goodbye but he didn't let me get that far.

He grabbed my shoulders and crushed his lips to mine. His lips moved against mine in a hungry, possessive way. My eyes rolled back a bit as took in the feeling of him kissing me so deeply, drowning in the feeling. I tightened my arms around him, holding on to the moment just as desperately as he was. My fingers twisted into his hair, pulling him as close to me as possible. But it wasn't enough and I knew that we could've stayed like that for hours, days, years…and it would never be enough.

I felt a tear escape my eye as our lips stilled and I pulled away. He reluctantly let me go, stepping back. He watched as I climbed into the driver's seat and slammed the door close. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I looked out the rearview mirror. Our eyes met for one burning moment before I looked away and began to drive away. Half of me-more than half, really-begged me to turn around and stay forever but the growing smaller by the minute logical side me knew I had to go back. So I alternated being watching the road and looking at Robin as he grew smaller and smaller, until I couldn't see him anymore.

When I drove into the empty driveway later that evening, Karen was waiting on the doorstep. She jumped up and stalked over to the car. I sighed before cutting the engine off and getting out.

"I'm glad you finally decided to show up." She said, noting sounding glad or happy at all. "Where were you? You had me worried sick and no, a voicemail saying 'I'm fine. I'll be back in a week.' Is not reassuring!" I ignored Karen as I got my bags out the trunk, glad Uncle Mike and Aunt Ann weren't here to hear her screaming. Then again, she probably wouldn't be screaming of they were here.

Still, I was grateful they weren't.

I slammed the trunk closed as Karen continued to lecture, before leaning back on it.

"Where's Uncle Mike and Aunt Ann?"I asked, interrupting her. She scowled at me.

"They wanted me to tell you that decided to have a quick family trip to the lake and are staying overnight. You are welcomed to drive up there but they figured you would be tired and would want to house to yourself for a bit."

And just when I thought I couldn't love those two anymore that I did. I moved towards the house and she followed.

"But that is not the point! The point is-" The door to the house opened, revealing Roy. He gave Karen a withering look.

"Karen, that's enough." He said. She opened her mouth to protest but he gave her a pointed look and motioned to the inside of the house. She let out a growl of frustration as she stomped inside the house. I looked him gratefully.

"Well, it's looks like I don't have to find my keys now." I said, motioning to the door he picked. I tried to go inside but he blocked my way. He pointed to the steps and I let out a tired sigh as I sat down on the doorstep. Roy grabbed my bags and threw them inside before closing the door. He sat down beside.

"I really hope this the last reckless thing you do in a while." He said. If I didn't know Roy, I would he was calm, nonchalant. But I knew him and I heard the underlying anger in his words. I looked at him and saw the traces of worry behind the anger and frustration in his eyes. He rubbed his face. "You are a really stressful person to be around, you know?" I shrugged but my voice still cracked as I spoke.

"Is it always this hard?" I asked him quietly, knowing he would know what I meant. He shook his head, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Sometimes but not usually," he said, looking up at me. "But not about your life was really easy." I let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob.

Roy watched me carefully as I bit my lip, trying to hold the tears back. He wrapped his arm around me as the tears escaped anyway. I put my head to his chest and gave in to the tears that burned my throat and stained his shirt. He didn't say anything as he held me against. No words of reassurance, no funny stories…no words to give me false hope. Nothing. He was silent as he let me release the unavoidable grief I was holding.

And somehow it was better that way.

I heard someone slam a locker close next mine, bringing me back to the present. Jinx on them with her usual smirk. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and walk away. That would be too easy. And Jinx hated easy.

"Well, look whose back." She said, feigning a sweet, innocent tone. "You had a good break?"

"Any break with you not breathing down my neck is good." I told her, not missing a beat. I pulled out my textbook for class before turning to her fully. She watched me with a calculating look, her eyes narrowed. Her posture seemed…defensive. I took a step back from her. "Is there something you want?"

"You haven't heard, have you?" I stayed silent as she stood up. I started to walk to class and she fell in step with me. "Over the break I ran into princess over there-"

"By princess, I'm guessing you mean Terra." I looked over at her, looking for the slightest giveaway of anything. But nothing faltered. Her face didn't change, neither her voice or her stride did as she stayed in step with me.

"Exactly." She said. "She wanted to try and settle the score. Unfortunately for us, there were too many cops around. And I had an idea." We stopped in front of my first class. "I'm graduating soon and the last thing I want around are loose ends. So me and Terra made a deal. Northside vs. Southside. Me against her. Once and for all…at least for me." I looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"So it's, what, a rumble?" I asked her incredulously. She gave me a withering look.

"This is not The Outsiders or the 1960's." she said. "It's the 21st century and guns are optional." She told me with a cruel smirk. I watched as she started to walk away.

"When?" I asked her.

"Saturday. 2nd to last week of school." She said without slowing down.

"Jinx," I called. She paused, turning to me. "Cutting it kind of close to graduation, don't you think?" She gave me a cruel smile and though I've seen worst and had bigger threats against me, I couldn't help the cold fear that I felt at that moment..

"All the more reason to try and stay alive." She said. Without another word, she turned and disappeared. I stayed there, frozen by her words. I couldn't help but feel that despite the normalcy of her actions, there was something more to the story. That this was more than just settling a score with Terra.

That I wasn't the only not telling a full story…