Tara POV

As soon as I wake up I feel the instant relief on my chest. The crushing feeling has subsided and I can breathe normally again. I look around the room, trying to find the familiar eyes of the beautiful redhead, but she is nowhere to be found - instead, I am in an unfamiliar room with two other patients. The recovery room.

I can see a doctor enter the room and he takes notice of me. "Ah, Miss Maclay, I'm glad to see you have come around."

"W-W-What happened?" I ask, fear in my tone.

"We thought initially that the cancer had spread into your lungs, but as we did a chest drain it looked like the emalysm moved and began to restrict your oxygen intake. You are lucky that lovely redhead was there to alert us. Had you been asleep when this happened, it may have been a very different story." He noted. "Well, now that you are back with us - let's get you back to your room, but before that, how are you doing?"

I shrug, not really too sure how to answer that question. Great, good, fine? I mean, I'm not dead, Horray! That's for today at least. I'm going to leave the only woman in this universe that I love.

"I understand, it seems that a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. In regards to pain level, how are you feeling?

"I guess I am at about a 3." I state, more on the uncomfortable side rather than pain.

"Well, that's good!" He states offering a weak smile. "Right, let's get you back."

A porter enters the room and takes me back to the hospital wing. As I drift the corridors my heart begins to beat faster and faster as I cannot wait to see that redheaded dreamboat, my love, my life - "Willow!". I almost shout as I round the final corner towards my hospital room and see her fiery hair in front of me.

"Tara?" She exclaims enthusiastically.

I see some familiar heads peer around the corner. Little Dawnie and Buffy beam relieved smiles at me.

The porter wheels me into my room, replacing the empty space and connects me up to the machines and lines. He double checks everything before leaving the room, leaving Willow and I alone.

She comes to my bedside, tears now lining her eyes. "I thought I lost you." She announces, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, a tear splashing in my hair.

"N-never, n-no matter w-what happens. Y-You'll never lose me." I state shakily.

I see Dawn peer her head around the open door. "I'm sorry to intrude guys, I just wanted you to know I am really happy you are okay Tara." She states matter of factly.

I smile back at her, the once teenager now a young lady. When did she grow up? "Come here." I announce, opening my arms, inviting her in for a familiar embrace.

She bounds towards me but stops short of me, slowing down her movements to be more delicate before folding into my arms. I stroke her hair softly. "Did you get me this?" I point to the soda sitting on my bedside.

"Yes, it's cherry - I know you think it's funny how it changes the colour of your lips." She replies. "Like this!" She states sticking her tongue out, a shade of raspberry red.

"Thank you, Dawnie, I love it." I laugh, offering her another short embrace before she gallops out of the room to find Buffy - closing the door behind her.

"She's such a great kid." I state smiling towards Willow.

"Yeah, she really is , and you are really great with her, especially when Buffy died and we were left looking after her. We had our own little family."

I peer off into the distance, thinking about the loss of a future I don't even have. Marrying Willow, adopting a red headed little boy or girl, living together in a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a small black cat. Generally growing old together.

Willow clearly sees the dismay on my face. "Tell me what's going on up there?"

I sigh. "Just thinking about a future I'm not going to have."

I see Willow's furrowed brow, anguist on her face. "It's not fair."

"Life's not fair." I announce bluntly with a coldness I didn't know was there.

"Hey." Willow says grabbing my hand. "Whatever time you have left, I'll make sure that every minute of it is filled with love." Another tear falls from her eyes.

I snatch my hand away, someone else possessing my body and mind, I look away from her - a heated anger inside me. She'll have the life that I'll never have. She'll meet someone she loves, more than she loves me, she'll get married, have a beautiful auburn haired baby with emerald eyes. She'll move into a house with a white picket fence in a beautiful neighbourhood and spend her life devoted to her family. Life's not fair.

Willow takes a step back and perches herself on the end of the chair next to the bed. I can see her eyes lined with tears, but she is not looking at me, she is looking through me.

How can I be so selfish to the only person in this world to take me into their life and love me unconditionally. "I-I-I" I stop to compose myself. "I-I'm sorry." I whisper.

I meet her eyes where tears are spilling over uncontrollably, guilt pangs in my heart as mine are now close to tears as well. "Im so sorry."

Her emerald pools stare at me, deep into my soul. and I begin to cry. She stands up and embaces me and I bury my head into her shoulder. "It's okay. I know it can't be easy for you. And I am so sorry that it has to be you, if I could change anything about it I would…"

I continue to cry, dampening her shirt beneath me. She strokes my hair comfortingly and I release all my emotions, the realisation of everything that is happening, leaving Willow - dying. I'm dying.

There is a knocking on the door and it opens. I hear footstep approach the end of the bed.

"Tara?" A worried voice questions.

I look up and see Linda, concern in her eyes.

"Is everything okay?" She asks offering a weak smile.

I nodd, not brave enough to muster words.

"I was just coming by to check on you before I go home." She picks up my chart from the end of my bed and begins to quickly scan it. "I see." She states to nobody in particular before placing it back. She offers me a quick smile. "Can I get you ladies anything before I leave?"

"I-" I cough clearing my throat. "I-I'm pretty hungry. I think I missed the breakfast trolley. W-What's the time?" I asked.

Linda peers down at the nurses watch hanging from her left breast pocket. "It's half past 2 - you must have missed lunch as well. I'll see what I can grab you." She announces before leaving the room.

I take a deep breath and my body shudders. "I'm sorry." I announce again.

"Hey!" Willow states, gaining my attention by bringing her hand to my chin, lifting my eyes to meet hers. "Don't be silly. This is going to be a difficult time, but I am going to be here for you no matter what, baby. You got that." She presses her lips against mine, lightning sparking between us.

The next moment the door opens again to Linda wheeling in a tray of food. Sandwiches, wraps, cocktail sausages, sausage rolls - the works. I look up at her questioningly.

"One of the nurses birthdays, this stuff is all laid out in the staff room - I helped myself." She states offering me a wink.

"H-How w-would you like a picnic r-right here, W-Willow?" I ask coily.

Willow's eyes light up and she looks me, her once sad emerald eyes sparkle back at me. "As in a date?"

My cheeks flush a shade of beetroot and I can feel them burning. "Yes."

"I would love to." She announces grabbing my handing before placing a delicate kiss on it, careful to avoid my cannula.

Linda watches us and begins to wheel the food over. "When you are finished with the tray, just leave it outside the door close to the wall and someone will take it away. Have a good day ladies."

"Bye, Linda. And thank you for this." Willow offers a smile.

"You're welcome." She states before leaving the room.

As Willow and I tuck into the buffet before us there is another knock on the door.

Dawn opens the door and her eyes light up when she sees the food.

"Care to join us, Dawnie?" I ask.

There is no hesitation from the teen as she grabs a chicken caesar wrap from the tray and perches on the end of the bed and takes a massive bite. "Mmm, this is good." She murmurs approvingly.

There is another knock on the door. "Have you two seen… Dawn." Buffy walks in staring at the teen on the edge of the bed, stuffing her face.

I have a mouthful of sandwich so I look at Buffy and at the food, raising my eyebrows in question whether she wants to join us.

She shrugs and walks over and grabs a wrap.

"I'm glad to see you are feeling better Tara." Buffy states placing a soft open hand on my shoulder before grabbing a sandwich from the tray.

I smile back at Buffy.

There is a family surrounding me - my family. Not bound by blood but instead by friendship, experience and unconditional love. I wish I could stay here forever, but I know I can't.

We finish our lunch, with leftover sandwiches still on the tray. I crack open the soda and prepare for laughs from Dawnie as I take a few gulps of the fizz. "Dawn!" I state seriously. "Does my tongue look red in this?" I giggle, sticking it out at her. She roars with laughter, enticing the rest to follow.

"Your tongue looks like a giant strawberry!" Dawn chortles.

"Red and spotty?" I say with fake concern.

This entices further uproar from the room.

In the midst of laughter we fail to notice the door opening. "This is a hospital not a school homeroom!" A small robust woman with a sour scrunched up face yells bitterly. "Keep the noise down."

"Sorry!" We all say in unison.

"Miss Maclay, you have an appointment for an MRI scan in 10 minutes, the porters will be around shortly to collect you." She snorts, matter of factly before exiting the room.

"What a witch!" Buffy snarls. "I mean, no offence!" She retracts, holding up her hands in surrender to the two witches in front of her.

I laugh at Buffy's comment, accidentally snorting - which in turn causes another uproar of laughter from the room again.

When the laughter subsides there is a small pang in heart as panic begins to set in. What is the MRI scan for? What's wrong with me? How long do I have left?

Willow grabs my hand reassuringly. "It will be okay, I'll be here when you get back."

Just as she says this a porter in aubergine coloured scrubs enters the room. "Maclay?"

I nod, staring at Willow wide eyed. A minute away from her feels like a lifetime.

She leans towards me and offers me her sweet lips. "I love you." She adds.

The porters moves me out of the room too quickly and I before I can say it back I am in the hallway.

Willow POV

Tara is wheeled out of the room at lightning speed as she heads towards the MRI. I had completely forgotten what Linda had said before her surgery.

"She has been rushed into the operating room. I am so sorry, they think the cancer has metastasised and is effecting fluid build-up in her lungs. Once she is stable she will need a full body MRI to check if indeed the cancer has spread further than her brain. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy are not an option at this stage. I am so sorry, Willow."

"How could I have forgotten, how could I have been so stupid? Tara is probably panicking to no end and I didn't even tell her." I cry out loud to no one in particular.

"What are you talking about, Will?" Buffy asks, placing her hand on my upper arm.

"You were with me earlier, when Linda said that Tara was going to have an MRI once she was out of recovery. She told me, and I didn't tell Tara!" I sob. "I'm a terrible person!"

"It slipped your mind, no big." Buffy states. "She loves you, she will never blame you for this. Anyway, the hospital should have sent someone to tell her sooner, and not mrs Trunchball there."

I shrug still upset that Tara has gone, again.

Dawn leans her head on my shoulder. "She'll be okay won't she?" She asks.

"I don't know, Dawnie. I really don't know." I say brushing her brunette hair between my fingers. "I hope so."

The laughter and happiness of the afternoon ebbs away every minute Tara is absent. All I want is for her to be back in my arms again.

Buffy rummages around her pocket and pulls out a small envelope. "I forgot this earlier, it was delivered this morning for Tara."

I take the envelope and look at the script on the front. 'Tara'. There is no stamp or address so it must have been hand delivered. I wonder who it is from. I place it on the bedside table, this is not my place to open it. I get settled in the chair next to the empty space for the second time today and wait for Tara's return.

Thank you for reading, sorry for the long hiatus. I hope I will have some more time to write now.

Please leave a review, I am interested what people think about this story so far. There is some more meaty chapters coming in the future.