Hi, guys! I'm back. Did you miss me? :D

i thought you' d want to know
that when you feel the world is crashing
all around your feet
come running headlong into my arms
breathless
i will never judge you
i can only love you
come now running headlong
into my arms
breathless
Better Than Ezra, "Breathless"

It was quiet at school the next day. She and Juice managed to sneak a little time in the break room during free period, but since the pictures surfaced she was more reluctant than ever to have any public displays of affection between them. He understood, and he didn't try to pressure her about it. If he were being completely honest, the whole thing kinda freaked him out too.

He liked Olivia—really liked her—and he was incredibly happy she'd finally decided to actually for real be his girlfriend…but…and fuck he hated himself for the but, but he couldn't shake it. He wanted her more than he'd ever wanted a girl before, and not just in a sex way. And he'd known from really early on (thanks to Jax and Opie's warning) that wanting her came with some issues attached.

But this TJ thing. It wasn't like it made him want her less. It wasn't that. It just made him…frustrated. With her, a little, because she wouldn't confront TJ and she wouldn't let Juice kick his worthless ass, but mostly of course with TJ himself. How dare that little prick do any of this shit? Treat Olivia like that and touch her like that and spread those stupid fucking rumors, then stalk her (apparently) and make her private life public…

He didn't quite know how to deal with all of it. He didn't know how to help her. And that was really what he wanted. He wanted her to know how much he wanted her (without being gross about it), and that he was there whatever she needed. It was weird, because he'd never felt quite like that about a girl before. He hadn't ever really had any girl friends before. Friends who were girls, that is. And now he was friends with three of them, and one of them was his girlfriend, and he was a little out of his depth.

They had a date Thursday. Like, an actual date. They hadn't done that before. He thought maybe she thought it wasn't a big deal, but he wanted to make it one. Before, when she'd said she didn't want to be his girlfriend or have anything other than friends with benefits, he'd imagined what it would be like if they went on a date, and it was always disastrous. Mostly because it was easier to imagine a really awful date than a really good one.

Now that she'd actually said yes he really wanted to make it nice. He didn't have a lot of money, and he had a feeling she didn't need a bunch of expensive bullshit (she mentioned, sometimes, how TJ used to give her presents all the time and it sorta freaked her out), so he figured it had to be more personal special. Like something just for her.

But he had no idea what. Maybe she'd like…what? Fuck. Why was this so hard? He knew her pretty well, and he knew she wasn't one of those girls who wanted, like, roses and shit. She didn't even like roses. She'd probably laugh at him if he brought her flowers, even tulips, her favorite. She didn't seem like the type of girl who wanted flowers.

He still had two days to think about it. It was only Tuesday, and they weren't going out until Thursday. In the meantime he'd take whatever time they could carve out away from prying eyes and be happy about it.

Olivia had a shift at TM that afternoon, but he was off, so he headed home after school. His mom's car was in the parking lot. He frowned. She should be at work now. She'd gone back week before last and so far things had been good. She'd been feeling okay. But she started chemo next week and he was worried about it. The doctor had explained the side effects and he wondered how she'd be able to work with all that going on.

And her hair. She was really gonna hate losing her hair.

He parked his bike and hurried upstairs. Let himself in and started calling for her immediately.

"Mom? You around? How come you're home so early?"

"Back here, mijo. Just a minute. I'll come to you."

Her voice came from her room. His mom was one of the hardest working people on earth, and if she were in her bedroom at four o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon then she was either cleaning it, or she really did feel like shit and couldn't get out of bed. It was easy to figure out which.

"Nah, it's good," he said. "Gimme a sec and I'll come to you."

There was silence. Then, "Sí, Juan Carlos."

Shit. Not cleaning, then. He grabbed a granola bar and poured a glass of milk before he headed that way. "Mom?" he said, knocking on the door.

"Come in," she said after a moment.

She didn't look sick, he thought when he saw her, so much as…upset. Maybe she'd even been crying, which seemed impossible. He frowned. Shifted his weight.

"Come here, mijo," she said. "Sit down."

He perched gingerly on the edge of her bed and set his milk on the nightstand. Ripped the granola bar open and took a bite. He knew she'd bug him about it if he waited to eat, so better to just get on with it and let her tell him whatever was on her mind.

"How was school today?"

He raised a brow. "Fine, Mom. You know. School. How are you?"

She waved it away. "And how are things with Olivia? We should have her over for dinner sometime. You've eaten at her house several times now. It's our turn. Plus I'd like to talk to her some. Her father gushes about her, of course, but that's his job."

"What're you sayin'?"

She shrugged and smiled. "I need to make sure she's good enough for you, mijo."

He almost choked on his granola. He took a swig of milk and stared into the glass as he thought about it. "She's great, Mom. I think whatever nice things her dad said are probably true."

"Hhhmm," Ana said. "Well. He did say she was pretty, and that's true."

Juice blushed. "Yeah, she is. I mean, duh of course she is. But she's…she's smart, you know? And funny, and like a really good artist. She's just…cool, I guess." He couldn't stop himself from smiling when he thought about her, and he knew he probably sounded (and looked) like a complete idiot.

He glanced up and shrugged a little. "What?" he said. "What's that face?"

"Nothing," she said with a smile. "I've just never heard you talk about a girl like this before."

"She's…kinda special," he admitted, blushing harder.

"I can tell, Juan Carlos." She pushed herself up a little higher in the bed, and Juice set his food aside to help her. He got the pillows fixed so that she was propped up, and then settled next to her again.

"So what's up?" he said. "How come you're here in the middle of the afternoon? Are you feeling okay?"

"I feel fine, mijo. There is something I need to talk to you about, though." She reached out and clasped his hand. Hers was tiny, but strong, and she held on hard. His grip was lighter; he didn't want to hurt her; and he felt a pinch of fear as he watched her.

She drew in a long breath and let it out slowly. Her dark eyes, so much like his, searched his face. Finally she said, "I lost my job today, Juan Carlos."

He sat up fast. "What? Why? What happened?"

"Apparently my time away from work has caused a problem. They've been very generous about it, but I've only worked there a few months. Now with everything going on…well. It's understandable, I suppose."

"Understandable? Mom, you work your butt off at that place! Yeah, you've been sick, but come on. You can't fire somebody for being sick!"

"You can fire someone for missing work."

She was so accepting. Why wasn't she mad? He was pissed as hell. "Mom—"

"I don't want you to worry about it. Everything is going to work out fine. I can get COBRA to cover the health insurance until I find something new, and with the money you make at the garage and what I've saved up, we'll be okay."

His mouth fell open and he ran his free hand over his head. Was this because of him? Because he'd punched TJ Flanary? Olivia had warned him something like this could happen, but he hadn't completely believed her.

Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was just shit timing.

"I can pick up some more hours at the garage," he mumbled.

"No. You need to concentrate on school. Between Olivia and your job you hardly have time for homework. I don't want your grades slipping."

"Mom, come on."

"Don't Mom me. I'm serious. This suspension is already going to hurt your GPA, so you need to work extra hard." She softened and touched his face. "I love you, Juan Carlos. We're going to be fine. I promise you that."

But she couldn't really make promises like that, could she?

"Yeah, Mom. I know. I love you too."

"Try not to worry," she said. "I'm sure I'll find something soon."

"Of course you will," he said, trying to smile. He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "Is Ms. Gardner down the hall still going with you next week?"

"Yes. She's being very generous. Don't worry about that either, mijo. You have to be at school. It's important."

"I know. I just wish I could go with you the first time."

"It's just sitting there. Nothing exciting. I'll be fine. Mrs. Gardner is going to teach me to knit!"

Juice smiled a little. "That sounds cool."

"I'll make you a scarf," she said.

"For California?"

She lifted her hands in a shrug. "It could get cold."

"You make me a scarf I'll wear it even if it's not."

"Such a good boy." She squeezed his hand. "Go do your homework, Juan Carlos. I'll start dinner in a bit."

"Don't worry about it. I can have a sandwich or something."

"Don't treat me like an invalid," she said with a scowl. "I can still cook dinner!"

"Mom, I wasn't—" He ducked his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "You're right. You cook like a champ."

"Damn straight," she said.

He pushed himself to his feet and leaned down to drop a kiss on her cheek. "Take your time. I'm not super hungry." Grabbing his empty glass and the granola bar wrapper, he headed for the kitchen. He washed the glass out and set it in the sink, then stood gripping the counter for a long time.

Who would fire someone with cancer? What a fucking asshole. Who would hire somebody with cancer?

Maybe he could ask Olivia. She knew the town way better than he did, and she might have some ideas of where his mom could apply. But she'd flip her lid when she thought TJ might've gotten her fired…but he knew he'd have to tell her eventually. It was too big, and she'd be mad if he kept it from her.

Not mad, exactly, but kinda have her feelings hurt. Because he hadn't told her about his mom's cancer, and after that he'd told her he'd come to her with stuff. And she was a really private person and would understand that he wanted to keep things to himself, but this sort of involved her too. If TJ was the reason his mom was fired.

And besides that he wanted to tell her. He wanted to hear her take on it. He wanted…to talk to her. About anything. He loved the sound of her voice and the way she put things and how she made really complicated shit seem kinda…simple.

He frowned. Wow. He was really in deep.

When the fuck had that happened?

All seemed normal at TM that afternoon. Olivia had wondered if someone might want to talk to her, but no one paid her any more attention than usual. Jax had told her he'd given Clay the photos last night, but maybe Clay had decided not to do anything about it. She doubted that. She thought they were probably just downplaying it.

It was fairly busy, but Ope was on, and the two of them worked well together. Chibs was the third, and it was his turn to pick the radio station. He always chose shit he knew Olivia hated just to piss her off, but today she ignored him. She was in a strangely good mood, despite the bullshit with the pictures, and she wasn't letting Chibs' awful taste in music bring her down.

They were slow for the last hour, so Opie and Olivia drew straws and he got to cut out early. She and Chibs were left to close up, and when she tried to tell Chibs she could handle it on her own, he refused. She shrugged and went back to organizing her tool chest.

Some truly awful song came on the radio, and she leaned around the chest to glare at him. He grinned at her and cranked it up. She flipped him off and he burst out laughing.

"Very ladylike, Ollie girl," he shouted over the music.

She rolled her eyes, stomped across the garage, and spun the dial the other way. "Are you thirty or three? Jesus, Chibs."

"Ach, lass, was just havin' a bit of fun."

She frowned. "Yeah…I know. I just…not really in the mood."

His mouth twisted in something that wasn't quite a smile. "Somethin' on your mind?" he said, lifting a brow.

She looked up at him—a long way up—and studied his face a moment. "Why would something be on my mind?"

I actually feel better than I have in days, she wanted to say. But she didn't, and she wasn't quite sure why. Because it was true, wasn't it? TJ was still suspended. Things were great between her and Juice. Her dad was more or less cool, and he liked Juice. Jax had gotten over his weird bout of jealousy.

So, yeah. She felt better than she had in days.

"I'm fine," she said. "Getting a headache, I think. Sorry I was a jerk."

He hitched a shoulder and lit a cigarette. Offered it to her and grinned at the look on her face. "Not a smoker, lass?"

"You offerin' tobacco products to minors now? Smart."

He chuckled. "I've committed worse sins."

"Yeah," she said, "I bet you have."

She meant it jokingly, no big deal, but it came out somewhat…different. Their eyes met, and his were dark and intense. Heat rose on her cheeks. And not entirely due to embarrassment.

"Um." She cleared her throat. "I—I didn't really mean—"

He waved it away with the hand holding the cigarette. "I know what you meant, darlin'." He paused and took a drag. Then, "Saw some interestin' pictures today."

"Ahh." She turned away, back to the tool chest, but he followed her and draped an arm over it. "What?" she said.

"What? Thought we were havin' a conversation, then you just walk away. So I thought, no way someone as polite as Ollie leaves mid-conversation. She must mean for me to follow her. So here I am. Followin' you."

"You're such a pain in the ass."

"Aye. But like recognizes like, or so they say." He tossed the butt away and ground it out. She eyed him until, with a sheepish smile, he picked it up and set it on the counter so he could get rid of it later. "Case in point," he muttered.

"Right. I don't like nasty ass cigarette butts all over the garage floor, but I'm being the pain in the ass. One day I'm gonna walk around and stick gum under every workbench in here and see how you feel about it."

He grinned and wagged his brows. "Condoms might be better. More effective."

"Ew! Chibs, please. You wanna strew condoms around, be my guest. But I quit."

"No need for that. I'll keep 'em to myself."

"Good plan." She said it in a sort of final way, clearly ending the conversation, and went back to what she'd been doing before his musical shenanigans. She thought he would, too, but instead he leaned against the workbench and crossed his arms over his chest, his long legs at the ankle, and watched her.

She tried to ignore him, but Chibs had always been pretty impossible to ignore. Finally, with a frustrated breath, she dropped a wrench into the drawer and glared at him. "What, Chibs? What do you want?"

He gave a slow, lazy shrug. "Nothin', lass. I just like lookin' at you."

Her brow furrowed even as she blushed, hot and bright. "That's not really—"

"Aye, I know it. You're naught but a kid, and you're with Juicy boy. Didn't say I was gonna do anything about it. I just like lookin' at you."

"I don't really like being looked at." She glanced back toward the closed bay doors. "Or watched."

"Shouldn't be a problem too much longer. The bein' watched part, I mean. Tig and Clay were gonna take care of that problem tonight."

"If he's even here."

"I imagine he is. He put a lot of effort into those first shots. And I imagine you didn't give us all of 'em, did you?"

"Someone's taking pictures of TM, Chibs. Why would there be more than that?"

"TM, aye. When you're here. And sendin' 'em to you. So…" He trailed off and lifted a hand.

She toyed with the end of her braid and straightened the wrench she'd thrown down. Finally she met his gaze. "If Tig and Clay are taking care of it, then it's no big deal."

"True," he said, nodding. "Nothin' for you to worry about. I'm sure lovely lasses like you get your picture taken all the time."

"That's gross, Filip."

"What?" He gave a big-eyed, innocent blink. "You said it's no big deal. I was just agreein' with you."

"You think you're so fucking clever." She stepped closer and angled her chin up toward him. "Someone's taking pictures of me. It's creepy. But I'm sure once Clay and Tig get through with him it'll be done. I won't have anything to worry about. Wouldn't you agree?"

He made a low noise of disapproval. "You aren't curious at all who's doin' it?"

"I know who's doing it." She flicked her fingers. "Not the actual person, but the person who hired the person."

"Then why don't we go after that cocksucker," he growled.

Her mouth twitched at the corners. "I don't need you guys to fight my battles for me. I gave Jax those pictures because I thought Clay and Gemma would want to know someone was taking photographs of their place of business. What Clay chose to do with that information is out of my hands."

"No one buys your innocent act, Ollie."

"Yeah, well, no one buys your creeper act, Chibs. Gimme a break."

He lifted a brow and leaned a little closer. "What? You think I don't like lookin' at you?"

"Well I'm not disfigured, but come on."

"Hhmm," he said. His eyes roved her, from the tips of her heavy black boots to the top of her head. His heavy gaze lingered on her mouth. The bright twist of her braid. Not, she noticed, her chest, which was something different.

"Chibs," she said with a strained sort of half-laugh. "Seriously."

He didn't blink. Didn't step back or look away.

She bit her lip, and his mouth quirked in a sardonic sort of grin. She remembered what Juice had said about when she did that, and with a brief frown she stopped. She was flustered, out of sorts, and she wondered what the hell he was up to.

Suddenly her jaw fell open and she pressed a finger to the center of his chest. "Someone told you."

"Told me? Told me what?" He glanced down at her hand in consternation, then back at her face.

"About Ben. So you think oh, sure, she fucked her twenty-six-year-old teacher, so she just must be fair game. She'll fuck anything with a penis! Just give her a couple of smoldering glances across the garage and those panties'll drop like they're on fire!"

His expression was an odd mix of amusement, surprise, and confusion. He grabbed her wrist, lightly, and pulled it away. "I honestly have no idea what you're talkin' about, lass." He paused. "You fucked your teacher?"

"My former teacher," she snapped.

"Ah."

"You really didn't know?"

"How would I know somethin' like that? I'm not plugged into the high school gossip mill."

"Right. With Jax and Ope and Juice working here, I'm sure you don't hear a fuckin' thing."

He shifted his weight and gave her an uneasy look from under his brows. "I mighta heard a whisper," he admitted.

"About?" she said.

"Ach, well…a bit about the football team. And…aye, somethin' about a teacher."

"Oh Jesus."

"I didn't believe it, of course. But now…?"

"The football team thing isn't true. The teacher thing…not until after he was fired."

His head tilted. "Aren't you just full of surprises, Ollie girl."

"Please don't get gross."

He moved his thumb in little circles against the pulse at the inside of her wrist. She had a feeling he didn't even realize he was doing it, and for some reason she didn't pull away. "Does lookin' at you count as gross?" he said, thoughtfully.

"Depends on how you're looking."

"Just appreciating the lovely sights before me. That's all."

Her nose scrunched and she looked away. "I think it would be better if you didn't," she said. She took her hand back. Her skin tingled where he'd been touching it.

There was a small silence. Then, quietly, "Maybe when you're a bit older, aye?" he said, and something in his voice made her shiver as her eyes widened just a little.

"Sure, Chibs," she said, choosing to take it as a joke. She grinned and tossed her braid over her shoulder. "Come find me when I'm twenty-five."

"So long? That's cruel, lassie."

"Good things come to those who wait, Chibby." Another quick flash of a smile and she went back to work, more than ready to forget any of this had happened at all.

"Aye," he said under his breath. "They certainly do."

She didn't tell Juice about it. It had been a weird moment, but nothing had happened, and she had a feeling Chibs had just been fucking with her. She didn't want Juice to get upset over nothing. He already seemed sort of…down…at school the next day. His smile was slower. Didn't really touch his eyes. He was distracted and just not quite Juice.

She grabbed him during free period and hauled him into the break room. When he started to kiss her she stopped him and led him to the couch instead. They sat down together, and she smiled at him, her mouth soft and her eyes bright.

"You gonna tell me what's up or keep acting weird all day?"

He let out a sigh and slumped against the cushions. "I was hopin' I could wait till after school," he said.

"You can if you want, but I'd rather you tell me now." She pulled a leg up and turned to face him. "Whatever it is, I'm listening."

He looked down at his boots, and there was a deep line between his brows. "It's my mom," he said at last.

Her heart skipped a beat and she reached for his hand. "Juice—"

"Not the cancer," he said, quickly. He squeezed her fingers and looked up. "She lost her job."

Olivia went still. "Her job at the mill," she said.

"That's the one."

She swallowed. "Did they say why?"

"She said they told her it's because she was missing so much work. She hasn't been there very long, so…?" He trailed off with a shrug.

"Fuck, Juicy," she said. "Fuck I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Liv. You know that, right? This isn't because of you."

"It might be!"

"But it's not. I don't want you blaming yourself for it. It's just…really shit luck. Now she's gotta find something else and she starts chemo next week so she's gonna feel like crap." He bowed his head and was quiet for so long she thought he might not speak again.

Then, voice thick, "I'm not real sure what we're gonna do."

"Oh, baby," she murmured. She rubbed his back and kneaded his shoulder. When it started to shake beneath her palm she pulled him against her and carded her fingers through his hair. Kissed his temple and held him tight.

"It was supposed to be different here. We had nothin' back in Queens. We were on fuckin' welfare and food stamps and the whole fuckin' thing. She got this great job out here and it was like finally we could breathe. Now this shit?"

"You said she did bookkeeping at the mill?" she said after a moment.

He nodded against her shirt, sniffling a little. "Yeah. Office management shit, I guess."

She made a soft, thoughtful noise. "You should talk to Gemma. I think she's been looking for some help around the garage. Office help, I mean."

He raised his head to look at her. "I can't do that."

"What? Why not? Your mom needs a job. Gemma needs an office manager."

"Gemma'd hire my mom out of, like. Charity. Because she does shit like that. That's not right."

"Gemma doesn't believe in charity, love. She does believe in family helping family, and basically anyone who works at TM is family. She'd actually be really pissed if you didn't ask her."

"No. I can't. It'd be too weird. Too much like begging."

She opened her mouth to argue further, but he'd gotten that hard, stubborn look on his face. She knew that look. He wasn't going to change his mind. She rolled her eyes and dismissed it with a wave of her hand.

"Okay," she said. "If you feel that strongly about it, don't. I think I heard something about the receptionist at the police station getting married. She's not coming back, I guess."

"That might work," he said. "She could get government benefits."

Except her cancer was a pre-existing condition, Olivia thought. Which was bullshit and so fucking unfair. Once her coverage from the mill lapsed it'd be virtually impossible for her to get covered for it again.

Now wasn't the time to mention that, though. In fact she thought maybe a change of subject was in order. She pushed him back against the cushions again and slid up into his lap. Cupped his face in her hands and kissed away the tears on his cheeks.

"It'll be okay, Juicy."

"How can you say that? You don't know that."

"Of course I do," she said with a grin. "Didn't I ever tell you I can see the future?"

He smiled in spite of himself and let his hands drift to her waist. "Oh yeah?" he said.

"Yep. Wanna hear a prediction?"

"Sure," he said. "Lay it on me."

She closed her eyes and scrunched her face up. "I predict…you're going to kiss me!"

He laughed. "That's not exactly a hard one."

"Then do it, silly, and prove me right."

"Hhhmm." He tangled a hand in her hair and used the other one to tug her closer. "You're real sweet sometimes, Liv. You know that?"

"Don't let that get around, Ortiz. It'll ruin my other reputation as a stone cold bitch."

"I'd never," he said. He brushed his tongue over her bottom lip.

"Oh!" she said and straightened.

He made a face at her. "I thought I was supposed to kiss you."

"In a sec. I was wondering if tomorrow, when we go out…do you think maybe we could go for a ride?"

"A ride?" he said. He blinked. "Like on my bike?"

"No, in a hot air balloon. Yeah, silly, your bike."

"I thought you didn't like—"

"I don't. I mean, I do. I just can't, really, because of my hip. But a short ride wouldn't be bad, and it's supposed to be really pretty and I'd just…I think it'd be fun."

"Yeah," he said, his mouth moving in one of those sweet smiles that made her stomach clench every time. "It would be fun. Sure, babe. I'll take you for a ride."

She giggled. "Will you, Juan Carlos?" she said, her voice going low and breathy.

He cleared his throat and shifted a little. "Any time you want."

She ran her nose up the side of his neck. Pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his jaw. "I'm gonna hold you to that," she whispered against his skin.

He shivered. "Good," he said.

"I think it's time for you to kiss me now."

"Finally."

"Jerk," she said with a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. Tell it to someone who believes it." He captured her mouth before she could say anything else, and their quiet moans mingled as their tongues brushed.

"Thank you, Olivia," he said when the kiss finally broke.

"What for?"

He gave a sheepish sort of shrug. "Just…you. Bein' you. I really like you."

"I know you do, Ortiz," she said. "I'm sort of fond of you too."

"Sort of?"

"A little bit."

She let out a quiet shriek as he flipped her over onto her back. "You locked the door, right?" he said.

"Yeah, of course. Juice—"

"Shhh," he said. He nudged her t-shirt up and kissed her tummy. "I think I need a review of lesson one."

"Oh," she said on a breath. "Well far be it for me to come between a boy and his education."

I'm planning to finish this story before I start anything else, so that's kind of exciting, right? :)

I broke a personal rule for this fic with the quote today: yes, it's BTE, but it's from Before the Robots, which was released in 2005. I wasn't gonna use anything later than 1999. Oh well.