A/N: Sorry this update has taken so long. Blame it on life. Anyway, there will be one more part to Edward's day after this. The boys just won't shut up. lol :)

Thanks to Tracey, bittenev, and halojones for fixin' up all my mistakes and making this look pretty.

I would also like to give a shout out to the following readers:

Charlie's "super police-man abilities" (Amy Pau) Girl, this was too funny not to use. :)

Paintball assistance (Viper003, christinemarie13, edwardyme4ever, Edwardsgirl1901, bitemeplease235) Warning this portion of the story is not extensive as I first planned it to be. I got nervous with my lack of knowledge and just kind of …well just read and see.

Stephenie Meyer owns all this Twilight. I just made up this story and used her characters for their star power.

…and so the story continues…

/\/\/\/\/\

Previously…

"What do you say Edward? How about you, Ben and I take on these three bozos?" I laughed at my dad's expression to his friend's challenge. Watching the rivalry between him and Charlie was quite amusing.

"I'm in. It's about time someone cuts these guys down a notch," I said starring Emmett straight in the eye.

"Oh you think so, do you? You prepared to put you money where your mouth is?" Carlisle inquired,not intimidated by Charlie's or my threats.

Charlie reached into his pocket, slapping the twenty he found there into Carlisle's hand. They both smiled at each other smugly.

"Children, children," Emmett chided. "Let's play nice. We're all grown up here. Now get in the car before you make us late."

They both nodded, chuckling as they climbed into the Mercedes. The rest of us jumped into the jeep and were on our way to play us a friendly game of war.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye Emmett slipping a bill to Carlisle whispering, "I'm in for fifty, no way those pansies can take us."

It was apparent that the competitiveness was running high in all of us, and I couldn't wait to help Charlie and Ben take my father, Emmett, and Jasper down.

/\/\/\/\/\

Ch. 25 Let the Good Times Roll

The Bachelor Party Edward Style Part II

EPOV (Memory)

We were all nearly as giddy as Alice at an Early Bird Special at Macy's as we bounded down the ten-mile dirt road that led to Butch's Paintball Camp. The jarring ride was evidence that the road had not seen a maintenance truck in months.

The bumpy ride to the remote camp was worth the discomfort. Butch's offered the best fields and wood expanses in the area for a good old fashion game of woodsball.

"Hold up Emmett, turn around, I think you missed one," Jasper chided, as the jeep rocked in and out of yet another cavernous pothole.

"I'm doing the best I can," Emmett bit back.

He was weaving back and forth across the badly rutted road in an effort to dodge as many holes and rocks, no, make those boulders, as possible. The problem was there were so many it was nearly impossible to miss them all.

"Now quit your belly aching. Why don't you make Edward open one of those gifts I shoved under your seat this morning, "he suggested.

Gifts? Great! I can only imagine what these two came up with. I have a feeling things are about to get interesting.

My suspicions were confirmed upon seeing a devious glint fill Jasper's eye as he nodded in response to Emmett's suggestion.

It was a good thing Bella wasn't present. She would surely have ended up with third degree burns on her beautiful cheeks when her trademark blush raged out of control. When Emmett and Jasper let their not-so-innocent thoughts fly, there would have been no stopping the fiery blaze.

I grinned like the Cheshire cat, all it took was one thought of that delicious blush to set my insides alight. Seven days, only seven more days.

I was brought out of my reverie when Jasper shoved a black shoebox covered in red lips into my hands.

"Open," he commanded. "And by the look on your face, you're going to need these like a race car driver needs his safety harness."

"Like a turtle needs his shell," Emmett added.

I looked at Ben; he shrugged having no clue what they were prattling on about.

I slowly lifted the lid off the box to find a random assortment of every type of condom known to man. There were ribbed and studded, scented and colored. There were even ones that glow in the dark just in case you lose your way in the night.

Nestled in the array of prophylactics was a key chain. Removing it from its bed of happy gloves; I read the inscription aloud, "Cheaper than diapers." I shook my head at the two grinning boneheads in the front seat. Ben actually squeaked in his attempt to hold back his laughter.

"Hey I have one of those," he chortled. "Ang gave it to me for Christmas. It's great when you're out and about and either you or your girl gets an inch that needs scratching. You break that bad boy open and voila, you're good to go," Ben chuckled.

"Yeah Edward, don't be a fool,cover your tool," Jasper said. While it was meant to be a joke there was an obvious warning there too. No scare tactics were really necessary though, Bella and I would not be making the same mistake as he and Alice had.

Emmett unable to keep his trap shut one second longer decided to add his two cents. "You can't go wrong if you cover your dong."

The jeep filled with roaring laughter. Let the games begin.

"Come on Ben, your turn, take a stab at it," Emmett egged him to join in the friendly banter.

"Hmm," Ben tapped his chin like this was a serious game of wits and not some mindless play on words about wearing condoms. "Edward, don't make a mistake, cover your snake." We all laughed hysterically. I had a feeling after this day was over I'd have to invest in a good set of hearing aides. My ears hadn't recovered from this mornings round of lame jokes, and here they were being bombarded again.

I closed my eyes shaking my head. Wow, open one gift and all hell breaks lose. Knowing my turn was coming I racked my brain for something good, something that would make my big brother proud.

"Edward," Jasper called me to attention. "It's your turn."

"House your hose then curl her toes," I said coolly.

"Only you could speak so eloquently when saying something perverse about wrapping your wiener," Emmett goaded me.

"Wiener, Emmett? How old are you?" I laughed.

"Aw, Emmett cut the guy some slack, as long as he remembers it will be sweeter if he wraps his peter, all will be right in his world," Jasper said trying to mimic the tone and pitch of my voice.

"Cut the crap Jasper, he better sock his wanger before he bangs her," Emmett grinned slyly. What is it with my brother and his fascination with the word bang?

"Guys, guys," I warned. It was time we wrapped this little game of Round Robin up. We were nearing our destination and I had no desire to bring Charlie in on our game, a game about me protecting my manhood when having sex with his daughter, his "little girl" as he often referred to Bella.

Bringing the game full circle I said, "I think I've got it, no glove, no love. Now cut it out before Charlie catches onto what we've been talking about. All I'd need is for him to get pissed because we're making jokes about me deflowering his little girl. I wouldn't put it pasthim to shoot me in the nads by accident. I've waited too long to end up bed ridden with swollen nuts on my wedding night."

They all nodded, for once agreeing with me. They knew if they did anything to make me miss out on my plans with Bella after the wedding reception I would personally whack their wieners off and roast them over a campfire.

Dang, apparently sexual repression can make me violent. Note to self, NEVER let this happen again. Once I get that ring on Bella's finger next weekend I'm making it my life's mission to see to it that neither one of us is ever left unsatisfied again.

We pulled into the small gravel parking area that had been cut out of the dense forest. Emmett brought the jeep to a stop next to Carlisle's Mercedes in front of the small wooden registration shack.

/\/\/\/\/\

"You cheated. That's the only way your team could have beat us," Emmett argued as we entered the Crazy Buffet, an upscale Asian fusion buffet, near the college on the outskirts of Seattle.

After Charlie, Ben, and I whipped their tails, we stopped by Charlie and Carlisle's hotel to get cleaned up for dinner. It had been well over an hour since we'd left the Paintball Park and Emmett just couldn't let it go. He definitely was not a good loser.

"Aw, Emmett, cut the crap and stop your whining. We won fair and square," I chided him. Seriously, he was being a big baby. I might have to call Esme to consolehim.

"Think about it, Emmett. The odds were stacked in their favor from the beginning having Charlie's super human policeman abilities on their side," Jasper added, trying his best to get Emmett to see the light.

"Super human policeman abilities?" Charlie chuckled.

"Yeah, you've spent the last twenty or so years protecting and fighting for justice in and around the Forks metropolis. During that time you have gained the experience and know how on gun handling, surveillance, apprehending and taking down bad guys." It was all we could do not to laugh at Jasper's bull larky.

"There have been no murders since you've been on the force. Faced with these facts, our chances of taking your team down were slim to none," he finished with an air of seriousness in his voice.

I snorted. "Jasper, are you serious? You talk like Forks is crime central USA."

That got a chuckle out of everyone except Charlie, who seemed a bit taken aback. "Hey now, we have our share of crime. Just last month I had to run a small trail guide faction out of town. They were leading backcountry hikes and over night fishing trips without a license. It's a crime that could easily get out of control if it weren't for the vigilance of my men and me," he informed us.

"How the heck did we go from Emmett being a sore loser to the crime rate of Forks?" Ben asked.

I half expected with the way Emmett had been acting for him to say, "naw ah," but he didn't. For once he remained silent. I think maybe he'd finally come to the realization how immature he was acting.

"We won because we're better players," Ben continued as he waved his hand from himself to Charlie and then to me. "We took your bunker fair and square. We had it hot in less than fifteen minutes. It's not our fault that you guys play like a bunch of newbies. Seriously, Emmett, not filling your hopper to full capacity? What were you thinking? It's no wonder we took you down first," Ben chastised, pulling the chair out from the table we'd been shown to.

I had a newfound respect for my friend, the ultimate gaming ninja. Not only was he a wiz at video games and all things ninja, he had an amazing use of the English language. He could cut a man down with the flick of his tongue.

Things settled down for a bit after that. We talked about what needed to be accomplished at the Cullen "estate" by next Friday.

"Esme is sure to have our heads if we don't have everything as she and Alice picture it," Carlisle warned.

None of us could deny that, although rare, Esme could, in times of extreme stress, blow a gasket when things didn't go her way. Not a pretty sight.

Carlisle and Charlie were preparing to leave when Emmett returned from the buffet with another plate, setting it in the center of the table; this time filled with at least six different varieties of sushi, "Sushi, anyone?" He offered.

"None for me. My gut is just about to bust with everything else I've eaten tonight." Charlie groaned, rubbing his belly. "Plus, if Renee has to let these pants out again, she's gonna have my hide."

"Son really, where do you put it all? You've eaten enough to feed a small army and that doesn't even account for what you ate at lunch." Carlisle seemed astonished.

"Aw, come on Pops," Emmett chortled. "We're men, we must eat like men."

"Like pigs you mean," I muttered under my breath, earning an eye roll from him.

"Thanks, but no thanks," Carlisle shook his head at Emmett when offered the sushi. "We really have to get going. We've got an early morning. We've got to get Charlie to the station in time for his duty."

Briefly we all stood. Carlisle hugged both Emmett and me to his sides saying, "I love you boys." He then proceeded to bonk our heads together as he released us. "Stay out of trouble. I don't want to receive any calls from jail tonight," he warned, looking more at Emmett than me.

"What?" Emmett asked incredulously. "Why am I always to blame?"

"Do I really need to answer that?" Carlisle chuckled. "Just promise me you'll be safe."

"Promise," we said in unison. Emmett of course had his fingers crossed behind his back. However elementary that action might be, I instantly become worried of what he had planned for all of us later on tonight.

I turn and was met with Charlie's outstretched hand. "Edward, I know you know that I'm not happy about my baby getting married so young, hell; I'll probably never be ready. She's my little girl; she's all I've got. But know this; if I have to give her to someone I'm honored to give her to you. I'll be proud to call you my son."

I was speechless. I honestly didn't know how to reply. I decided picking my chin up off the floor would be a good start.

He continued with his heart-felt declaration, "You've always made me proud the way you've been a gentlemen with her. You've always treated her with the honor and respect every man should show a lady." When he finished he drew me in for a bear hug, and if I heard correctly he was sniffling. "Allergies," he mumbled.

"Thanks Charlie," I said giving him a quick pat on the back. I extracted myself from his embrace and rejoined Ben and Jasper at our table. Can anyone say awkward? I was relieved and happy to hear Charlie voice his acceptance of me; but geez, the man was crying. I just didn't know how to handle that.

"Oh sheesh, enough of this girly mushy crap. Dad. Charlie, you guys get out of here so Edward can open my rite of passage gift," Emmett grinned mischievously.

I choked on the piece of sushi I'd just popped into my mouth. My father, the doctor, was instantly at my side ready to give me the Heimlich maneuver.

"I'm alright, I'm alright," I assured him. "It just went down the wrong pipe," I said taking a sip of my coke.

"Aw man, I was hoping to get some good pictures of dad giving Edward mouth to mouth," Emmett guffawed, waving his new camera phone around.

Jasper leaned over the chair punching Emmett in the shoulder. I smirked. More often than not Jasper and Emmett liked to tag team me; but every once in awhile, Jasper would rise above their childish ways and come to my defense.

"Hey Charlie, hold up a minute. Let's see what this "right of passage" gift is all about," Carlisle waved Charlie back to the table.

Oh crap, not here with Charlie present. It would be bad enough in front of Carlisle, but Charlie? I'd rather not give him any reminders of my plans to ravish his daughter a week from now. I hope he didn't think to bring his gun, that's all I need.

I really had no desire to die a virgin, especially when I'm just about to redeem that card. Would someone shut Emmett the hell up…knock him over the head…drag his body out into the woods, and leave him to the wolves or something. Oh God, he's serious.

As my mind raced, they both had rejoined us back at the table.

"Emmett, you really shouldn't have," I said narrowing my eyes at him as he pulled a Wal-Mart bag, tied shut with a piece of green yarn, from his inside jacket pocket.

He laughed heartily. "Really it was nothing. I even wrapped it myself. Now stop stalling, open it."

My hand actually shook as I untied and removed the string from the bag. The crackling sound the bag made as is rustled in my hands was unnerving. I prayed for some kind of distraction, a server dropping a tray, a woman going into labor, anything that would get Charlie's watchful eyes off of me.

Unfortunately, luck was not on my side. "Go on, go on," Emmett encouraged as my heart nearly stopped at what I saw inside.

"Take it out so we all can see," Jasper said pressing his lips into a thin line while humor danced in his eyes.

"Your time is a comin'," my expression warned Jasper. Looks like the tag team is back together.

Hands still shaking, I glanced to make sure that Charlie wasn't packing; I pulled out the book and two cigars. Cigars? What the heck, Bella nor I smoke.

"It's a book. Thanks Em," I said nervously, shooting him my best "you're dead look." I tried to be quick and tuck the book back into the bag.

"Not so fast, little brother. I'm sure everyone is curious about exactly what the book is," Emmett said firmly. Glancing around the table I was greeted with four bobbing heads. CRAP!

My hands fumbled as I retrieved the book from the bag. "Oh…um…it's a marriage instruction book. Again, thanks Emmett. Really you shouldn't have, but it will come handy," I managed to sputter, saying more than I should have judging by the huge grin on my soon to be dead brother's face.

"Instructions for what?" Jasper said snatching, oh yes he snatched, the book from my trembling hands. When he looked down at the cover he started laughing hysterically looking from me to Charlie and back to me. His smirk asking, "Whose dead now?"

"Let's see what we have here," Ben said as Jasper passed him the book. What? I thought I had at least one ally. When did Ben jump teams?

"365 Best Sex," he snorted, "Tips Ever: Guaranteed to help you satisfy all your lovers' bedroom needs. Detailed…Illustrated…and beyond informative," he choked trying not to laugh.

My head fell to the table and I proceeded to bang my forehead repeatedly. Maybe if I inflict pain upon myself Charlie won't be inclined to strip me of my manhood. Oh God, I am going to die a virgin. Bella is going to be so disappointed.

"What are the cigars for?" Jasper asked innocently. Dead, so dead. I was going to come back from the grave and take care of ALL of them!

"Figured Edward and Bella might enjoy a little celebratory smoke while they bask in the after glow of a night of mind blowing sex," Emmett chortled.

Dear God, please tell me he did not just say that, and in front of Charlie of all people. I refused to sit up to judge the look on Charlie's face. My cheeks felt hot and my head was beginning to throb.

"O…kay," Charlie stood taking a deep breath. "I think we will be going now. I'm just going to pretend I never saw that," he said pointing towards the book in Ben's hands, "and continue pretending that you and Bella will be sleeping in separate beds in separate rooms. You can breathe son," he patted my back, "I'm not going to shoot you with my really big gun to-night."

Charlie chuckled darkly as he and my dad walked towards the exit. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. If that isn't a warning, I don't know what is. A shiver ran down my spine. When I turned back to face the guys they burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Paybacks are hell Emmett. Just know your time is comin'," I seethed.

Of course he could care less; my threat meant nothing to him. It only made them all laugh harder if that were possible.

/\/\/\/\/\

A/N: Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Come on you known you're itching to say something about Edward making Charlie cry. lol

THANK YOU for reading my story. I know this is not a recent post, but I still read, appreciate, and respond to all reviews. Just a couple of words would really make my day. :)

If you haven't already done so, I'd love for you to check out my one-shot High School Reunion
Summary:It has been twenty years and no one from the Forks High School Class of 2006 has seen hide nor hair of Edward and Bella since their wedding shortly following graduation. What will the alumni think when they show up at the twenty year reunion with not a hair out of place and not a single wrinkle to be found? (Edward and Bella are vampires.) Surprise POV.

Paintball Terms used in this chapter:
Woodball – a generic term used to describe playing paintball in the woods, field or remote location.
newbie – a new paintball player.
hot – "That bunker is hot." Means an opposing player is in that bunker.
hopper – tank that holds the paint pelts.