Chapter 26: Butting Heads
Urahara insisted that Ulquiorra stay for several days to run some tests. The artist did not want to do that but after Urahara explained some things about souls to him, he decided it would be worth it. They needed to make sure that his soul chain was unbroken and test out his "powers". Was this whole powers thing going to be trouble? He had this nagging feeling in his gut that somewhere down the line it was going to come back and bite him on the ass.
He could tell the scientist was eager to ask questions and take samples. Ulquiorra wanted to decline his requests; he wanted answers, but then again he didn't. If he had answers, that meant he had some connection to Kurosaki. There was no way in hell he wanted to be in any part of that asshole's life. The first day of captivity was spent in some kind of laboratory. Blood was taken from his arm, a hair sample. Urahara made him urinate into a cup and then came the big thing.
"I need a sperm specimen," the ex-shinigami said.
"What? Why?"
"I'm going to see if I can clone you."
"Fuck off," Ulquiorra said. "If I'm going to have kids, I'm making them the natural way, thanks."
Then he was poked and prodded by Isshin, Kurosaki's dad. He sat in an exam room and found out everything there was to know about him. He was about twenty-four or twenty-five. He was five-feet-eight-inches tall. His heart beat faster than normal humans. His body temperature was slightly higher than Orihime's. His lungs sounded clear.
"Okay, I'm going to need you to take your pants off and-"
"Nope, hell no. I'm done with this, you fucking perverts today with your bullshit-"
The doctor burst out in laughter. Then explained to Ulquiorra about checking his testicles. It was something for cancer. "You can pee on a pregnancy test and if it's positive, you might want to see a real doctor."
"You're not a real doctor?" Ulquiorra asked, wondering what the hell kind of place these people in Karakura operated.
"I'm a real doctor but I just run a clinic. I meant a hospital."
The last thing the man checked was his eyes. A bright light was pushed into his field of vision. Ulquiorra squinted against the brightness but kept his eyes open for this strange test.
"You have vertical pupils."
"Yes, I had them when I was a hollow."
Isshin nodded. "You were an Espada?"
Ulquiorra scowled for a moment. "Yes, I killed your son twice."
"You clearly failed in that endeavor," Isshin whispered loudly. That made Ulquiorra roll his eyes.
As far as the doctor could tell his eyes were shaped just like a reptile's or a cat's. It didn't make sense though. "I turned into a bat. I was a huge fucking bat."
"Well in this life, you're not Bruce Wayne," the doctor said as he packed his things and left.
The sun was setting when he finally stumbled into the room Orihime was sitting in. She had been urged to stay there to because of her collapse. Ulquiorra figured she stayed because of him. He thought it was a sweet gesture but he didn't deserve it. He flopped down beside her and then studied her for a moment. "I don't want to ever go to the doctor's again," he told her.
"That bad, huh?" She chuckled, looking down at him. "Anything to report? Can you shoot a bala or transform into a unicorn?"
"I am a healthy mid-twenties male who has funny eyes and Urahara wants to clone me. I declined. So far nothing strange about me physically," Ulquiorra said. "Tomorrow we'll be testing powers and I don't want to. I don't want Kurosaki or the Quincy in there while I do this. What if they're against me?"
"Well I can't speak for Kurosaki but I know Quin isn't bothered by you. As far as them being present, leave it to me; I can always find a way to distract them," she answered, waggling her eyebrows at him.
Ulquiorra sighed. "We will find out tomorrow how good I am. I'm hoping you gave me awesome destructive powers… At least enough to wipe the smirk off Kurosaki's face."
She pulled her lips back to show her teeth in a display of uncertainty. "Knowing my skill set, I wouldn't count on it… But you never know!" she smiled, trying to be encouraging.
The next morning dawned too early and too painful for Ulquiorra. He wasn't used to sleeping on the floor. Orihime must have already woken up because she wasn't in the room. Standing up he stretched, feeling his joints pop and protest the movement. He moved out of the room and followed the voices down a hall. He found his girlfriend and her friends sitting there with others that he did not know.
"Ah, Cifer-san! You're awake! Would you like something to eat-"
"No," he stated in a flat voice. "I just want to get this over with. Can't Orihime fight me instead to test this out?"
Ichigo got to his feet with a bit of a lazy swagger in the movement. "Oh, you want to fight? Why not pick on someone closer to your own size?" he challenged, stepping between Ulquiorra and the woman.
Ulquiorra scowled. "That's not what I meant but I know that you're just itching to fight me, again," he stated. "I know Orihime would test me, instead of trying to maim or kill me."
Ichigo scoffed. "She couldn't hurt a fly anyway. It's no way to test out new powers, against some namby-pamby glitter dome." He craned his head around toward the seated female. "No offense, Inoue, it's just you know you are useless in a fight," he said, trying to act nice but failing.
The glare deepened. How dare this idiot insult his girlfriend like that. Orihime said she had helped Kurosaki during the bullshit with the Soul King. The orange-haired shinigami had not said anything to the contrary. He had just said he'd saved the world once again… Ulquiorra thought he was exaggerating but it wasn't his place to knock Kurosaki off his pedestal. "If you would actually support your friend, you would realize she's not useless, asshole. She brought you back to life twice."
Orihime stood from the table and sighed. "It's no use, Ulquiorra, but thanks for trying. She walked out of the room, slapping Kurosaki upside the head as she walked past, hissing, "Dickhead," as she left the room.
"What the hell is wrong with her," Kurosaki grumbled as he watched her stomp out of the room, eyes glued to her ass until he was smacked in the back of the head a second time, this time by Ishida.
"Incorrigible," the tall black-haired man muttered as he followed Orihime out of the room.
"You're an idiot. If you think you're going to kick my ass-" Ulquiorra started to say but was cut off by Urahara.
"Let's not throw threats around. We need to see what you can do first before we test your limits."
The green-eyed man nodded. He agreed with this assessment but he didn't like the idea of Kurosaki knowing what he could do. It just seemed like it would be too easy for the male to go blabbing his big mouth to the supposed king of Hueco Mundo. "Alright, I'll go talk to Orihime and we will meet you down there."
When Ichigo finally got to the underground training area, he immediately used his battle pass and stepped out of his body like he was peeling off a smelly shirt. "Ah, this is more like it," he said with an appreciative hum, flexing his spiritual pressure just to show off a bit.
Orihime rolled her eyes from her position further afield. "What a douche," she commented to the dark-haired men standing on either side of her.
Ulquiorra snorted with amusement. "Woman, listen, if this gets out of hand, I don't want you coming to help. Just stay back with Urahara whenever he gets down here, okay? I can take care of this myself. After all, you've given me some gifts."
Orihime's eyebrows pinched. "If it gets really out of hand I'm stepping in. I can't let you die again right after I saved you. I don't know how many times you can respawn," she said with a nervous chuckle, not looking at him.
"I asked for at least five lifetimes," he said with a smirk. He caught the sound of her laughter and it didn't sit well with him. "No matter. I'm going to defeat Kurosaki and then I'm going to take on the Quincy."
"You don't say?" Uryu said cocking an eyebrow at Ulquiorra. "I'd like to see you try," he said, turning his face back toward Kurosaki and smirking.
"You pussies have all day to sit around scheduling your next brunch or are you going to come at me?" Ichigo taunted.
Ulquiorra turned from the female redhead and faced the male one with a deadly expression on his face. Urahara wasn't down here yet, so he was just having a verbal bitchfest with the man. "You're just as childish and immature as you were six years ago."
"Tch, I'm surprised you even remember, Ulquiorra. I bet it stung watching your girlfriend choose me over you back then, didn't it?"
Oh no, he fucking didn't, Orihime thought. "Fuck you, Kurosaki! If you hadn't—" she was cut off by Urahara.
"Is everyone ready? We've already come to the conclusion that Cifer has the power of detecting spiritual pressure. He moved with flash step the other day," the blond man said. "Kurosaki seems to think you are able to regenerate at a high speed. So Kurosaki, please draw your zanpakuto. Cifer hold out your arm. I want you to cut him, don't take his arm off, understand Kurosaki?"
"Yeah, fine," Ichigo grumbled to Urahara before glancing back to Ulquiorra. "Come on Cifer, which one do you want me to cut? The one with the bat or the one with the precious little heart?" he taunted with a coddling voice.
Ulquiorra looked at Kurosaki and sneered. There was no way in hell he would allow the man to cut him. "Neither, the only part of my body that isn't marked is my back. Tattoos cost money and I will not tolerate you ruining them." He stared at the man as he took off his shirt throwing it back to where Orihime stood and turned around. He didn't trust Kurosaki but he wasn't about to let the man ruin all the art that he had dedicated to Orihime.
"Ulquiorra, no! What if it's like… What if the same rules apply as when you were an Espada? I can always restore a tattoo. I don't know if I can restore your liver twice in as many days!" she whisper-shouted.
Ulquiorra gave her a flat stare. "He's just going to cut me, Orihime. That's it. If he stabs me I'm going to rip off his head," he stated. "Do it Kuro-"
He didn't have to wait. It was as if the shinigami had moved before Ulquiorra had given the word. A spray of bright red blood fanned out behind Ulquiorra. "There you go, buddy," Ichigo said with a grin, crossing his arms over his chest and looking pleased.
Pain erupted and Ulquiorra fell to his knees, hissing at he felt warm liquid spill down his back in a diagonal line. It reached from his shoulder to the waist of his jeans.
Orihime lurched forward, about to call on her fairies. Uryu had quick reflexes though, and grabbed her by the elbow, clamping a palm over her mouth. "No, Hime. You know better," he cautioned.
It took several minutes but Ulquiorra could feel his back itching. It was uncomfortable and almost unbearable he wanted to twist his arms to where he could reach that skin and tear it off. It took about four minutes for the cut to completely heal itself and he had a nice pale scar dissecting his skin.
Urahara nodded and wrote something down on a clipboard. "I wouldn't call it high speed but you can definitely regenerate," the shopkeeper stated.
"Are you done? What about the scar? Do you want me to…?" Orihime trailed off after Quin let her go. Ulquiorra had thrown an unamused look in her direction.
"I'm fine," he managed to groan as he got to his feet. He then turned a baleful glare at the shinigami. "Ready to get your ass kicked, Kurosaki?"
Ulquiorra regretted those words.
It only took seven minutes for the orange-haired man to leave him bruised, bloody and panting on the other side of the basement. Ulquiorra could see Orihime, she had her hands covering her face and it looked like she was crying. So far he had no powers to attack nor did he have any to protect himself. What fucking good was he? He was about as fucking useless as his girlfriend-Shit. He shouldn't be thinking that.
He huffed several breaths out of his mouth as he struggled to get to his feet, leaning against a rock that had been split in two. He glared at the shinigami. "Is that all you got?"
Again, he regretted that sentence. Three minutes later Ulquiorra had a cut going across his chest and Kurosaki looked pissed off. That black zanpakuto was raised and just as he was about to bring it down for another slice, Ulquiorra shouted, "I reject!"
Orihime said that her power had been thought focused or something. If she wanted to protect something she just yelled, i reject. The same thing he had tattooed on his inner wrist. The woman could shrink and expand her golden domes at will. She even said she had an attack that was better than the one she had tried to throw at Yammy.
What Ulquiorra produced was a fucking joke. The small diamond-shaped shield was small and barely a foot wide. The black metal broke through it, like a knife through softened butter. That sharp blade stopped several inches from his face. Ulquiorra could only stare at the yellow-tinged shield that was between him and the other man. Orihime had put that barrier up between them for the second time.
The first reaction to seeing the woman standing several feet away was relief but then irritation washed over him. The relief was there because she possibly just saved his ass from a painful death. The irritation came because she interfered with their fight once more. Had she never brought Kurosaki back to life the first two times he wouldn't be laying on his back feeling his entire body start that insane itching that made him want to scream. He narrowed his eyes at her and then turned them on Kurosaki as he got to his feet. "Really? That's really all you got? You're holding back, aren't you? All talk and barely any action. That's what Yui said."
Ichigo narrowed his eyes at the injured man, walking toward him slowly. He pointed to his sword and said, "You know that all I would have to do is wave this thing at you in Bankai for you to be obliterated, right?" His voice became more menacing and quiet as he got closer. "We couldn't have that, could we? Poor Yui would be devastated if her one true love, " he used the coddling voice again, "was to be cut down in the prime of life." He paused as he stood shoulder to shoulder with Ulquiorra, then turned his face toward his ear and whispered, "Besides, I think my chances of fucking your girlfriend will be significantly impaired if I murder you in cold blood, so there's that."
Ulquiorra managed to give the dickbag a side-eyed stare. Something in Ulquiorra's face must have turned dark as he lifted his hand, fingers curling. A jet of emerald green energy shot out from Ulquiorra's finger. It quickly wrapped around the shinigami's throat and all the green-eyed man did was curl his fist. That reiatsu tightened around Kurosaki's neck. "You're not fucking touching her. You're more of a fuckboy than I am. All you want to do is use her!"
"Kurosaki?" Uryu called, beginning to worry, as the shinigami's face began to take on an unnatural color. "Ulquiorra, let him go!" The taller man demanded, striding toward the other two.
"Ulquiorra, what's going on?" Orihime called out. "What is that thing?"
He said nothing; he just kept tightening his hand, staring at the other male. He was turning purple. Ulquiorra watched Kurosaki's face and then finally sent the man flying with just a flick of his wrist. It was satisfying watching that shinigami fuck fly into a rock wall.
Ichigo lay there for a good half-minute before he was able to shake off the impact and stagger to his feet. "What the fuck was that?!" he roared, picking up his legs and shaking them off one at a time before rolling his shoulders. "Ow, goddammit!" he yelled, as he felt a sharp pain in his left shoulder. "Inoue, a little help here?" he asked, expectantly.
"Go fuck yourself, Kurosaki," she said, loud enough to be heard across the grounds but not loud enough to be considered a shout. She redirected her attention toward Ulquiorra and approached him carefully. "Is everything alright, Babe? What was that thing you just did?"
Ulquiorra brought whatever he just did back to him, staring at his hand with wide eyes. Then he glanced at Orihime. Babe? She knew he didn't like pet names. He shook his head to brush the irritation away. "I asked you not to intervene, Orihime!" Ulquiorra stated.
She blanched. "I'm sorry, I just… I couldn't just let him cut you down!"
"I had it," he said to her, gaze flickering to his hand and then back at her. He started walking past her, ignoring Kurosaki, who looked pissed off. "QUINCY! It's your turn!"
Uryu looked somewhat amused. "Ok, do you want to go like that or do you want to get cleaned up first? I'm fine either way," he said, his eyes darting to Orihime for permission for a split second and back.
Orihime's eyes said, in no uncertain terms, "Leave him alone."
Uryu was never really one to wait for permission, anyway. He jumped into the sky and prepared a bow, grinning down at Ulquiorra. "Last chance, you get five seconds to change your mind before we find out just how fast you are," Ishida crowed. He was excited like a kid at Christmas to put Ulquiorra through his paces.
This time Ulquiorra wasn't so lucky. He tried using that thing again but it wouldn't manifest. He found himself pinned down with Quin aiming for him. It didn't matter where Ulquiorra went with his flash step, Ishida was right there. After another arrow singed the skin of his arm, the green-eyed man said, "I concede. This is getting me nowhere."
Uryu was slightly disappointed but allowed his bow to disappear as he descended to the ground. "Next time I want you completely healed. That was impressive but I could tell you were fatigued," he said good-naturedly. His vision crossed Orihime's for a moment and his good cheer evaporated. She was incensed. He was the reason.
Orihime wanted nothing more than to throw a dome over Ulquiorra and fix him, but after his most recent outburst, she was reticent. She felt impotent. It was frustrating. She turned her back on the scene and walked several paces and then returned to her spot, clenching her teeth and waiting for someone to change the atmosphere.
"Come on, Inoue! This fucking hurts!" Kurosaki whined.
That did it. "I reject!" Orihime shrieked, but instead of a dome manifesting over the shinigami, a small object that looked like a golden paper airplane streaked across the grounds and sliced through the shinigami's robes, cutting him across the chest in the same place as Ulquiorra had been cut.
Ulquiorra was going to nod at Quin but heard Orihime's scream. He turned around and stared at the flare of light that whizzed by him. She was attacking Kurosaki. "Woman!" In an instant, Ulquiorra was by her side. "Stop! What the hell are you doing? I asked you not to get in between this!"
Orihime furrowed her brows at him. "How can you say that to me? How do you expect me to stand here and watch this and not get involved? Are you sidelining me too?" Her eyes shone with tentative hurt as if his potential answer held the power to destroy her.
"Orihime, this was to test our my powers. I would never sideline you. This is between Kurosaki and me though," he answered. Ulquiorra sighed. Why was she doing this? "You gave me your word that you wouldn't do this. I asked you not to get involved. Call it back, and heal me please."
"I said no such thing," she grumbled, calling back Tsubaki. "Get comfortable; this will take a while," she said, muttering, "I reject," in a quiet voice and allowing a dome to form over Ulquiorra's body.
"Bitch!" Kurosaki ground out from across the way. Orihime ignored him. "I'm next," he demanded.
"Whatever," Orihime replied, staring at her hands.
Ulquiorra turned a violent stare towards the injured man. "You don't get anything Kurosaki. Heal… Normally." As soon as he was done, he studied Orihime. "I'm sorry. I've waited years for a rematch against that fucker. I just wanted to do it on my own."
She sighed. She understood. Kind of. She didn't really understand but she understood male pride as a foreign concept. She nodded and let her eyes meet his for a brief moment. "I'm sorry," she said. "I can't watch next time, though."
That sucked but he nodded. He had been a somewhat skewed cheerleader for her in Las Noches, trying to build her up from a logical sort of way. He had expected that much from her. "It's fine," he replied. "Urahara? Are we free to go?"
"Eh, would you be willing to stay one more day? I'd really like to get a reading on your soul. Do a few more tests," Urahara said.
"Woman? Do you want to stay? I know I do not. I want to get back to my apartment."
"Are you sure? You seemed like you wanted to go round two just a minute ago," she hesitated to say. Of course, she wanted to go home and get away from this place that held nothing but bad memories, but she didn't want to take this opportunity away from Ulquiorra either. "I can stay if you want to fight more."
He shook his head. Quin was right, he felt exhausted. Whatever he did with his hand seemed to drain the energy right out of him. "I can always come back and arrange a fight between Ishida and myself at a later date."
"Okay," she said, putting her hands behind her back and stretching by bending backward a bit
"Oh, Inoue-san," the shopkeeper's voice interrupted the quiet conversation the lovers were having.
"Yes, Mr. Urahara?"
"It would be a shame if something were to happen to Kurosaki-san while out on patrol because he wasn't at his best," the shopkeeper allowed the brim of his had to fall lower onto his brow, causing his eyes, and coincidentally, his voice, to darken, "the citizens of Karakura depend on him for their safety, you know. It's still a hotbed of hollow activity here."
Orihime's eyes met Ulquiorra's. They weren't looking for permission. They were looking for a way out of the shopkeeper's 'request'.
"He can call upon the plebeian Squad four," Ulquiorra snapped before he grabbed his girlfriend by the waist and blurred out of sight. When his feet touched the floor upstairs, he set Orihime on down. "Gather whatever you brought. I'm taking us back to my place as soon as you're ready," he said. Aggravation was traveling up his spine. He didn't know what was more annoying. The shopkeeper's blatant manipulation or Kurosaki's derogatory word he had used. It was possible that the orange-haired shinigami meant the term for Ulquiorra. If he meant it for Orihime then that would just make things that much more complicated. He knew if he killed Kurosaki then he'd be in a shitstorm of trouble.
Orihime grabbed her purse. That was all she had brought; it's not like Grimmjow had given her a chance to pack before kidnapping her.
When she returned, Ulquiorra opened his arms to her and left the building using flash step. It took very little time in returning to Koenji and his apartment. He said very little to the woman as he opened the door, allowing her to enter first.
She walked into the space, setting her purse on the counter and collapsed into a chair. "Thanks for the ride home, mister," she said with a half smile as he entered the room.
Ulquiorra looked at the redhead before nodding. "What did you do to me, Orihime? What was that power? How do I use it?"
Ok, he was not in the mood for friendly chit-chat, apparently. "The small shield looks like it is similar to what I can do; I could help you learn to use it. The other thing? The vine thing? I don't know what that is. It may be a part of your own soul that I awakened."
"That "shield" was a joke. I couldn't protect anything with that. It was-" he took a moment to pause before he said something that would absolutely set them back months. "Thank you for healing me today."
"You know I would do it anytime you need it," she said hesitantly. There was something he wasn't saying, she could feel it. "Do you want to talk about anything?"
"You gave me-I can use hollow powers. I can use shinigami powers. What the fuck kind of power do you have? What's the label I slap to myself?" Ulquiorra asked, his scowl becoming more evident.
"You're a spiritually aware and gifted human. There are lots of us. Some of us," she gestured to herself and Ulquiorra, "are more powerful than others," she explained.
He could not stop the scoff that came out of his mouth. "Tch. You call having the useless "gifts" I have powerful? I am weak compared to you. If I were to walk into Hueco Mundo I would probably be eaten by a Menos. That's how weak I feel."
"Uh, how about you don't go waltzing into Hueco Mundo anytime soon? Anyway, a weak person wouldn't have dislocated Kurosaki's shoulder. How did you do that? It was amazing!" she was excited to know how her boyfriend had managed to incapacitate the shinigami.
"I don't know. All I know is I'm angry. I'm pissed off. I'm irate. I was thinking about killing Kurosaki. How I wanted to strangle him. He told me that he wouldn't kill me in cold blood because the chances of fucking you would diminish. As if he has a fucking chance. You're mine," Ulquiorra snapped. He wanted to go back to Karakura town and rip out the other man's throat. "He's the one who called you a whore, yet you're still on friendly terms with him."
"I am not! I attacked him today," she said, attempting to defend herself from Ulquiorra's accusation. "There are sometimes when I am forced to rely on him, like when Grimmjow kills you. That's it. That's as far as it goes. He and I are not friends. And you're right, he has no chance."
Ulquiorra walked over to where she sat in the chair in front of his desk. There was a turmoil of emotions going through him. It was difficult for him to sort out who had triggered what. He wanted to snatch her out of that seat and kiss her to exert his dominance; to show Kurosaki that this redhead was all his and the man would have to kill him before he'd give her up.
There was annoyance at Orihime only because she couldn't tell him what powers she had unearthed or tell him how to utilize them. They seemed pretty fucking pointless. He could tell where the big baddies were. He could move really fast. He could bring up an itty bitty shield that was laughable and perform a one-time choke hold.
Orihime could see the turmoil in his eyes, and his proximity was making her nervous. "What?" she stuttered, looking up into his intense, troubled face.
He wanted to ask if she was afraid of him but he'd probably get the same answer he had time and time again. "I don't like how he looks at you. I don't like how he talks to you. Doesn't he understand I will end his life if he were to touch you?"
"I don't know what he thinks," Orihime said. "And frankly, I don't care," She was feeling kind of offended at the implication that she might let the shinigami touch her.
Green-eyes studied her face for a moment before he took several steps back. He was satisfied with her answer but the anger at her so-called friend was still there. "After fighting and doing that thing, I'm exhausted. I know you probably have things to take care of, but do you mind coming to bed with me?"
She watched him carefully as he spoke. Clearly he was shaken up and emotional. With any luck he'd see things more clearly in the morning. "No, let's go," she said, standing and making her way to the ladder.