Chapter Twenty Six

All this time spent in vain
Wasted years
Wasted gain
All is lost
Hope remains
And this war's not over

Trading Yesterday - Shattered

Mac's office had never been as intimidating to Flack as it was now. It had taken every single ounce of his courage to enter the crime lab today and face the people that he worked with. They knew nothing about the events of yesterday but they had watched his descent over the past month and he had ignored their proclamations of concern.

He could see their surprise as he strode down the glass corridors today and Flack understood their apprehension. They were used to seeing him dishevelled and unshaven, coming apart at the seams. Now he was humbled, a reminiscence of his old self. He wasn't anywhere near the whole, secure, person he used to be but he wasn't the same ghostly presence that had been haunting the crime lab or the precinct recently.

Mac was in his office when Flack rapped his knuckles upon the glass door. He gestured for the younger man to enter with the wave of his hand before steadily taking in the other man's appearance as he did.

The clothes he was wearing were freshly laundered and clean. He had compiled a brown jacket over the charcoal grey button up shirt. It returned some of the resemblance to the smartly dressed man Mac was used to seeing at crime scenes. He had shaved at some point during the past twelve hours and it looked like he'd gotten a hair cut too. This was the young man he was used to seeing or at least some part of him.

"Hey Mac." Flack greeted, closing the door behind him.

"I got your message." Mac said, shuffling the stack of reports between his hands. "You wanted to talk?"

Flack bowed his head, interlacing his fingers together in front of him to keep his hands steady. He was a proud man, apologising didn't come easy to him. Mac had done him a solid by wading in to smack some sense into him yesterday. Tough love was exactly what he had needed to understand the mess he had been turning into. The Don Flack of yesterday could barely bring himself to care about anything, today he was feeling everything all too well.

This was the first step to making amends for the position he had forced Mac into and he hoped that the man that he regarded as something of a father figure would find it in his heart to forgive him.

"Actually I wanna apologise." Flack said, raising his gaze to meet Mac's.

Flack recognized the look on Mac's face, in a city where time is money the other man's patience didn't do well to be stretched. Flack didn't want to drag it out any longer than necessary himself. There was still a whole host of grovelling he had to do. He was saving the worst until last.

"This last month, I've been..." Flack searched inside himself for the words he was trying to say. "I've been pretty messed up. You've shown me a hell of a lot of patience and support and you didn't have to."

It hurt to admit that, even thought he knew it was the truth. When he thought about his own deviant behaviour he was both shamed and appalled by his actions, or at least what he remembered of them.

Mac lowered his eyes as he took in Flack's words. He knew what it cost the younger man to admit the depths of his emotions to him, yet Mac was also very weary about what he was about to hear. He didn't want Flack to implicate himself in anyway. Mac hoped that Flack understood that. He couldn't face locking the other man up if anything about his involvement in Simon Kade's death came to life. He suspected as much but without a confession there was no reason to look any deeper into the incident. Flack had been a good guy, maddened with grief and trapped in a terrible position.

Flack rubbed his large hands together as he spoke. It was rare for Mac to see Flack so anxious. He could tell this was hard on him. To be forced to look at his behaviour over the past few weeks had been harrowing for the younger man, but it had been the shock he needed to snap him out of it.

"So thank you." Flack said sincerely as he stared into Mac's eyes, enforcing the extent of his gratitude. "And I'm sorry."

"Everybody handles trauma differently Don." Mac began. "I know a lot of your behaviours had to do with Grace getting shot."

Flack was transported back to eight weeks ago, for a second he was back in the diner. Seeing Grace on the floor like that, the images were flicking though his mind as he relived one of the most horrific moments of his life.

Grace whimpered in agony, her head tipping back as he lifted her as gently as he could.

"I've got you Grace, I've got you." he murmured, drawing her body close to his chest.

Her life was slipping away underneath his hands, he could feel it draining out of her with every step he took, in all the seconds that they waited. Her body was limp as he carried her outside towards the waiting squad car.

Mac set the stack of files down back down on his desk. The noise jerked Flack's attention back to the present as Mac struggled to find away to confront the main issue surrounding all of Flack's behaviours as delicately as he could.

"But there's also been something else. I don't need to hear about it." Mac said, putting his hand up to silence Flack before he could breathe a word of the event. "I just need to know that you've dealt with it and it's done."

Mac could see the sorrow in the Flack's features as he studied him. He had made a lot of mistakes in the past few weeks, hopefully ones that he could rectify. A lot of people cared about Flack because he was a good person, he, amongst others had been throwing themselves down on their swords for the younger man in order to protect him and Mac needed to know if the crisis had passed. He had spent the past month punishing himself for the atrocity he had committed, he couldn't allow it to go on any longer.

"I crossed the line." Flack said softly, shaking his head. "And I'll live with that but it will never happen again."

There was conviction in his words and resolution in his eyes as he spoke. This was the most alive Mac had seen Flack in weeks. His faith was back, he believed in his own words and that was exactly what Mac had been waiting for, the moment that Flack had decided that it was time to start living again instead of wallowing in a pool full of regret.

"What's most important to me now is that I re-earn your trust." Flack told him honestly.

Mac smiled grimly as he held out his hand in the universal sign for friendship. Flack took it, his hand squeezing with the same firm pressure as Mac as he shook it appreciatively.

"You've got a good woman standing beside you Don." Mac reminded him, releasing his hand. "And you've been putting her through her paces recently."

"I know." Flack said, grimacing. "And I need to find some way to make it up to her."

"My recommendation?" Mac offered, eyes fixing on Flack. "Just be there. Grace acts tough but she's vulnerable. Dealing with everything that's happened recently has been taking it's toll on her."

Flack remembered the drained look in Grace's grey eyes last night when she had dropped him off at his apartment building. In all the years that they had known each other he had never seen her look so distressed. He hadn't had enough energy left to try and mend the rift between them. Instead he had walked away and left her with barely a mutter of goodbye. He needed to pull himself together before he could fix the damage he had caused to their relationship and he hoped with all of his heart that she would know him enough to understand his actions.

"Yea Mac, I know." Flack complied, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. "This isn't the type of thing a bunch of flowers is gonna fix."

"Start small, take her out for dinner." Mac suggested, before changing his mind . "Or in her current condition maybe it'll be better to take dinner to her."

The bullpen was busy. It was full of a mixture of detectives, suspects and witnesses all ambling through. The chatter was loud and enveloped him as soon as he stepped inside. Flack discovered he had missed this, being a part of something larger, of a community. His startling blue eyes were already searching over the desks for the Detective he was looking for. He wasn't on shift today but he knew this was one apology that couldn't wait. Angell had covered for him enough recently.

Flack spied the woman in question bowed over her desk. She was scribbling on an A4 note pad, her curly dark hair was pulled back into a long pony tail. Flack came to a halt in front of her desk. Angell tilted her head up to look at him, reviewing his change in clothes and tidy appearance with an air of relief.

"So I've been an ass lately and this is my way of apologising." Flack stated, setting down the Starbucks take out cup of espresso on the top of her desk, beside it he placed a still warm bag from the nearby bakery. "And to thank you for everything in and out of work. The best canollis in New York."

Angell leaned back in her seat, a knowing smile crossing her lips as she examined the man in front of her. He was looking good today for a change. His pallor was healthier than she had seen in weeks, he was sober and she didn't get the faintest whiff of whisky from him which was an improvement.

"Who are you and what have you done with the real Detective Flack?" Angell teased, wrapping her hands around the coffee cup as she accepted it.

"You like the boozing and crazy one a lot better? Because I get him back if you want." Flack said humorously, jerking his thumb over his shoulder.

"God no." Angell said, pulling a face as she shuddered. "Grace may appreciate you running around her apartment nude but I do not."

"I would appreciate if the two of us forget that that even happened." Flack said, gesturing between the two of them as he cringed at the memory.

Angell used a zipping motion over her lips to indicate her silence over the matter before changing the subject.

"So your back?" Angell questioned, her tone serious as she studied him.

Flack broke into reassuring smile as his partner opened up the bag of canollis.

"I'm back."

Hey guys, I am glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. This is another one I enjoyed writing! Don has to make repentance somehow for his actions. This I thought was a good place to start. So far today has been a great day for me – wonderful sleep, lazy morning reading in bed and watching shows. I am a woman of simple pleasures and I hope your day is going as well as could be!

Special thanks to Nat as usual for supporting me and this pairing. I know I can be a complete pain in the ass but you still take the time to listen!

Sch: I always wanted Grace to be the type of char that responds to a situation as opposed to having it control her. I was a bit unsure whether the 'moment' was going to seem out of place because of the situation they were in but truth be told I can't keep the two of them apart without sparks flying. Lol chapter 29 is gonna be a chapter I think you'll like. As usual thank you for a truly rewarding review, when I read them it makes me feel like I am doing something right and I do appreciate them.

Ann: Hello again. Your my fav lurker so far! Grace is the kind of person I enjoy writing because she's constantly surprising me. You should see the rewrites I do for this story. I am really grateful for your review and I hope that you stick around!

Crime: It was a mega fun chapter to write but it took a long time rehashing and fixing it because it ended up so long! I try to make it as real as possible, lucky for me it's easy to get into their heads at the moment! Thanks for the review!

Sam: I love that ep because you get to see Flack's loss of control which is rare. Also scruffy Flack is kinda hot so I enjoyed writing the little scene between him and Grace. Thanks for the review!

Lov: Did you really expect anything other than brilliance? Lol I am teasing. Spinning it wasn't hard it was trying to make sure it all flowed that killed me. I couldn't believe it when Grace and Terrence sort of knew each other, I was as surprised as everyone else lol.

Bel: I think every person has a limit to their patience and thankfully you didn't have to wait long! When I am excited about a chapter I am always almost desperate to post it straight away but I have to restrain myself. I hope this chapter was equally as enjoyable!

Pip: Hi again! It's one of mine too, seeing more of Don and his issues was one of the best things they could have done in that series esp with the exchange between him and Mac. I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.

Running: For now! Mwhahahahahahahahha! Major kudos to Mac though, I would have been terrified of going toe to toe with him.

Rice: There's still that little thing about a girl in a bar they need to clear up at some point. I wonder if that will come back to bite him in the ass? Who knows what will happen between the two of them. They are making this eventful! Thanks for the review!