Chapter 26: Smoke Signals

Summary: Steve considers the best of course of action when Laura's attraction to him becomes too powerful for either one of them to ignore.

A WEEK LATER

Steve should have been outraged by Stefan's obstinate threats. Or at least spiteful enough to provoke his counterpart into digging his own hole. But ever the peace-keeper at heart, he didn't allow his clone's mud-slinging to rattle his chains… especially not after taking note of Laura's disheartened reaction to their little tiff.

Of course, she tried to question him about what she saw that night when answers from Stefan rang hollow. And Steve found himself betraying his own rulebook by parroting Stefan's denial, adamant that there was no tension between them whatsoever. He knew that the truth could end up frustrating her to the point of tossing them both to the wolves, just as she almost did the night they traded places.

It was hard to tell if she believed them or not but it became clear to Steve that the proverbial ball had unexpectedly bounced onto his court. Although he abhorred the thought of lying to her, if he had to bend his own moral code to calm any hostility threatening to rip them apart, then so be it.

Besides, his patience had always been his most durable tactic when it came to wooing Laura. And only time would tell just how lucky he was, especially since his lady love's fickle nature was proving to be relentless. After everything, she continued using her denial like a reflective shield of protection from her feelings over and over again… until one day, that shield shattered before his very eyes...

It was a morning that started like any other, with Steve graciously acting as the in-house mailman. Finding Laura and Eddie making sandwiches in the kitchen as he sifted through the pile of envelopes he got from the mailbox, they were initially unresponsive to his announcement of a sweepstakes win he found in the stack… the legitimacy of which went right over his head as he mindlessly tossed the 'junk mail' into the wastebasket next to him.

"Uh-oh!" he perked in excitement, plucking out a few pieces of mail that were branded with the University's logo and each of their names stamped across the front. It could only mean one thing! "It's judgment day! Our report cards are here!" And his announcement immediately spurred Eddie and Laura's attention as they both frantically scrambled to his side to snatch their mail from his hands.

"Ooo-oo-oo, gimme-gimme-gimme! I'm dying to see what I got in advanced calculus," Laura urged as if she were on pins and needles, anxiously tearing through the envelope to unveil her report card. Underneath all of the chaos transpiring in her romantic life, she had been diligently using her studies as a sanity anchor. She was pretty eager to see how she fared through the storm.

"Yeah! And I'm dying to see what I got in subatomic nuclear micro-biotics!" Steve concurred with a bright grin. To him, a sweepstakes prize had nothing on progress reports, especially when he thought about all of the crazy breakthroughs he made last semester.

The only breakthrough Eddie made was showing up to class long enough to catch the last ten minutes of each lecture. His record of laziness throughout the semester left his anticipation running a little thin. "I'm dying to see what I got in volleyball!" he chimed with a coy smirk, plucking his envelope from the stack to follow suit with unsealing his academic fate.

And as their grades were revealed to them, Steve and Laura grinned radiantly from ear to ear, instantly washed in a warm spotlight of relief. "I got straight A's!" she announced brightly, inciting a celebratory cheer from Steve and they both became wired with excitement. Jumping for joy, it almost felt like second nature for her to hop right into his embrace when he took the gamble on congratulating her with his arms outstretched.

"Ooo! And I got straight A-pluses!" Steve chirped with delight, triggering another moment of shared praise as they victoriously bounced into another hug with cheers of triumph. ...Being a straight-A-plus student all of his life, he wasn't as enthralled with his report card as he was with the fact that her 'accidental stumbles' into his arms were becoming more and more unmindful these days. Boy, he hoped so.

As for Eddie... his discouragement was drowned out by the beaming celebration next to him as he stared in horror at his grades with a dispirited grimace disguised as a hopeful grin. "...I got straight C's!"

Laura and Steve parted ways with their collective jubilance long enough to peer at Eddie inquisitively with a complacent shrug. Well, that didn't sound too bad!

"Except for these three D's...!" Eddie lamented, deflating like a popped balloon as his demise became self-evident. Especially since he knew damn well that he was only taking four classes.

…Yikes. Well, that was bad. All Laura and Steve could do was exchange a knowing wince. But even with Eddie's predicament looming over on him like a rainy cloud, it didn't really rain on their parade. Still buzzing with elation, it was pretty difficult to commiserate with him beyond a few sympathetic nods.

"Well, buck up, Eddo! Volleyball is a lot tougher than it looks," Steve belted with enthusiasm as he landed a reassuring pat on his shoulder. He couldn't necessarily relate but he tried his best to humble up enough to offer a little encouragement. But containing his excitement in order to appease his best bud was a no-go at this point ...especially not while rejoicing the precious moment at hand. And the grand slam in mind had nothing to do with his grades.

He couldn't believe how in-sync he'd been with his lady love today. They were laughing together. Smiling together. Touching each other without overthinking it. All without Stefan's permission. And he had to wonder if he was the only one who noticed...

After a beat of dejected silence, he sheepishly wiggled his brows at Laura because the silver lining was worth acknowledging. "…We've got straight A's!" he chirped with a wry grin. In response, she broke out of her own feigned sympathy and shuddered with another excited squeal, shamelessly relishing their mutual success before scampering away together through the swing door into the living room, taking their victory party with them.

Poor Eddie. Left alone in the kitchen, all he could do was helplessly stew in his shame, privy to the fact that these grades meant his Dad would make him tie his own noose later. This wasn't a report card. It was a ticket to his own execution! ...Or maybe his ticket out of the disgraceful prison known as the public education system.

As Laura crossed the living room with a giddy bounce in her step, she beamed with satisfaction and resisted the impulse to hug the piece of paper to her chest like a plush teddy bear. But she wanted to hug something, that was for sure. "I'm so relieved," she said with a contented sigh as she stopped by the coffee table to pivot in Steve's direction, "I thought I was gonna flunk that final for sure."

"Oh, hogwash, my little love dumpling!" Steve chimed with conviction as he followed behind her in equally bouncy spirits, pausing in front of her as she turned to face him. "Give yourself credit — I always knew you could do it! You had it in the bag the whole time!" Of course he believed in her. As far as he was concerned, Laura Winslow could fly without wings and make it look effortless.

She begged to differ, of course, but she just absorbed his encouragement with a modest shrug of one shoulder. She had always been an honor student but she was genuinely surprised that she managed to pull off straight A's while failing all of these romantic riddles that left her dazed with anxiety almost constantly. Needless to say, advanced calculus turned out to be a hell of a distraction.

...Or maybe he was the distraction. He'd volunteered a lot of his free time the month before finals to tutor her after she found herself spiraling into the no-focus zone. And that was in spite of the disorienting tension that had become so strained that they may as well have been studying with a glass wall wedged between them. …Not to mention the fact that she knew Stefan had antagonized him, which still had her reeling with concern even though she couldn't know for sure what was said; she'd only really seen them snarling in each other's faces. It looked kinda brutal. And yet he never let any outside influences stop him from salvaging his precious connection with her.

And she swelled with gratitude as she reflected on the unapologetic way he always came to her rescue. In that fleeting moment of fulfillment, she found herself unwilling to impede the tenderness developing in her heart for him. He was truly one of a kind. "...Actually, you deserve most of the credit," she mused graciously, unable to help herself as she fancied him with a warm smile.

…Oh, that smile. It was like staring into the face of God every time he was honored by that gorgeous smile. But he tried his best to play it cool as he felt his heart skip a beat, his eyes averting to the floor. "Ohhh... now, now, it was no big deal," he insisted with a coy smirk and a dismissive swat of his hand, his shoulders bashfully hugging his ears as he turned beet red. The thought of taking a shred of credit from her was akin to committing treason and so he quickly tossed the limelight back to her as he insisted the contrary, "You did all the work, babycakes; all I did was lend you my dome."

What Laura realized in retrospect was that their study time had been the only few hours a day of escape she could find away from the maze of confusion she'd built around herself. As adamant as she used to be in ignoring his efforts, declining to acknowledge him in that moment felt like a crime. "C'mon, Steve. For weeks on end, you've skipped dates, science club meetings… you even pushed aside your own study time just for me. We both know I couldn't have done it without your help," she insisted humbly as she ambled in his direction, gradually closing the gap between them.

For a guy who was rarely celebrated in his own right, she admired his unique ability to be so selfless… it was inspirational. Or, dare she say… sexy? By the suggestive way her gaze drank him in, slowly scanning him from the flood of his pants to the reflective shimmer of his glasses, it was safe to say that the thought had crossed her mind. "How can I ever thank you?"

…Well, that was quite the open-ended inquiry. Worshipping her like the empress of his reality meant that her compliments were all the validation he would ever need…that and the way she was staring at him like he was a delectable dessert. His brows twitched in surprise, captivated by the slinky sway in her step as she approached him. He nearly melted him through the carpet once she was close enough to bless his nostrils with her flowery aroma. By the time they were barely separated by an inch, he felt like he was standing in the middle of a poppy field.

"Oh… uh... well, I —" he stammered in reply... only for his staggered thoughts to be abruptly muted by the sensation of her pliable lips possessively capturing his, inciting a flail of utter shock as her hand gently gripped his jaw to hold him hostage to a kiss that melted his underwear.

As he realized that her affection wasn't a waking dream, he found himself free-falling into the arms of paradise. His hands ever so hesitantly settled on the arc of her waist as she drew him into her spell and it took every shred of strength he had left to keep his knees from buckling. Instantly intoxicated by the taste of her lips, his shock was quickly replaced by the most satisfying thrill he'd ever felt in his life.

Yooowwser... He felt his veins course with lava as her tongue parted his lips and began to lovingly dance with his own, their kiss shamelessly deepening as they surrendered to the moment. It was like time had stopped altogether. Their flesh became so heated that neither of them noticed the report cards in their hands emitting smoke until the paper began to pop and crackle like a Fourth of July sparkler, eventually crumbling right through their fingers until it was reduced to ashes.

After what felt like hours of convincing himself that he hadn't died and gone to heaven, Steve felt their lips parting as his eyes slowly blinked open to meet her sultry gaze, their lids heavy with unquenchable desire. "Whoooooaaaaa, mama…" he purred breathlessly, the falsetto of his voice diving to a chesty baritone as it usually did when his shock was too great to manage. His heart was pounding so hard that he just knew it would punch a huge, gaping hole right through his chest any minute now.

As they slowly peeled apart, Laura felt delirious. It was as if she'd been feeling around in the dark in search for him only to realize after fifteen years that he was standing right in front of her the whole time. By the time she opened her eyes and took a deep breath to stabilize her wooziness, she regretted it. Not because she'd just made the same mistake again. But because after months of tricking herself, she became very aware of the charade she'd been trying to salvage and the line was so blurred now that she could no longer distinguish it. All she knew was that there was probably no turning back from crossing it this time.

But she gambled with back-tracking since it was starting to feel like she'd lost all control of her impulses and needed an exorcism. "…Oops. Lost my head there!" she chirped with a nervous, not-so-innocent chuckle before shrinking meekly into herself with a guilty wince, taking a timid and reluctant step back from him.

Steve was just trying to keep from blacking out at this point. He felt the blood in his head rush to his ankles and he began to unravel into a dizzy spell that had him swaying dangerously off balance. Nearly tripping on his own legs as they gave out like silly-putty, he somehow managed to catch his footing and steel his posture with deep, stabilizing breaths as Laura looked on in concern. But he refused to pass out this time. At least not before he got a little clarity here. Because after he was catapulted to the moon and back, he'd land on his feet only to suffer a disorienting case of deja vu.

Clearing his throat and straightening his glasses on his nose as he blinked away his vertigo, his stunned gaze swiveled to her to make a bashful appeal. "Uhh, turtledove? …My love, my pet?" he crooned while bewitched by her beauty, mesmerized into a stupor… only to give his head a vicious shake to rattle some focus back into his brain. The battle between his weakness for her and his suspicions read all over his face as he struggled to gather his wits, speaking slowly and calmly, "…Let me preface this by saying that my complaint box is completely empty so don't take this the wrong way. But…can I… ask you somethin'?"

Oy. She felt like shriveling beneath his bewildered stare, blinking as it dawned on her that she was luring him into the same traps over and over again. "…Yeah?" she asked barely above a tentative whisper as she braced herself with a cringe of uncertainty.

Despite how hopeful Steve had been that his luck would change, he couldn't help but be plagued with suspicion because this glorious moment was far too abrupt, surreal, and unexplainable for his liking. As a result, he was brought to one speculation in particular that mustn't be overlooked. "Are you tanked again?!" he blurted skeptically, gaping at her with a scowl of disbelief. The way he saw it, either she'd tossed back a few mimosas for breakfast or she'd officially flipped her cap.

Ugh. She wished. A tiny part of her also wished that he hadn't stayed conscious long enough to call her out because now she found herself tongue-tied in search of a decent answer that didn't involve pleading temporary insanity. "No! I-I was just …trying to thank you, b-but … my mouth… slipped," she faltered sheepishly, her shifty eyes pleading with the four walls around her for some type of validation for her flimsy explanation. If only these walls could talk.

"Oh, puh-leeeeaaaaase," Steve refuted with an incredulous roll of his eyes. He knew better. And he knew she knew better. "If that was just a lip-slip, then why was your tongue using my uvula as a punching bag?" he challenged with haughty sarcasm, only to roll into a disingenuous rant about the alleged safety risks involved, "When 'thanks' is that mind-blowing, it should come with a warning — we could've burned the house down, y'know! Not to mention, we'll have to send for new report cards now…" he murmured as his eyes bashfully lowered to the ash pile at their feet… but only because looking into her eyes again might destroy him.

"I know," Laura conceded apologetically with a rueful shake of her head as she submitted to the shame of letting her desires rule her reactions… for about a split second before it dawned on her that the agonizing clench in her gut wasn't guilt at all. It felt more like an insatiable yearning that ached to be quelled. And she was giving into that appetite more and more. "…I guess we'll just have to be more careful next time…" she muttered sheepishly, giving an innocent shrug as her eyes wandered around the room.

...Huh?! Next time?! He hiccuped with a startled gasp as he was jolted by the subliminal suggestion of those words…did he hear that right?! He'd been trying to reel her in for months now but his smoke signals always seemed to go unnoticed. Now, all of a sudden, after nearly bringing him to his knees, she was insinuating that there was more 'thanks' where that came from.

Okay, something's gotta give. Growing solemn as he took a few pensive steps in her direction, he took it upon himself to probe for a straight answer… even though he felt too flabbergasted to even articulate the question, "Laura, are you… is this… are we — ?"

She knew what he was getting at — there was no point in prolonging the suspense. "I don't know!" she interjected with an ambivalent squirm, hugging herself when she realized that she still felt conflicted with the answer. Even though her stubborn armor was shedding layers as the moments ticked by, she could only seem to express more ambiguity. "Maybe…"

...Steve still couldn't believe his ears. Or the savory taste of her strawberry lip-gloss still coating his lips ...the taste of sweet victory. Even though she still wouldn't give him a yes or no answer, his dream come true had never felt more realized. As far as he was concerned, the most anticipated moment of his life just dropped out of God's hands and landed at his feet. And yet, for the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to polka his heart out just yet. He had his doubts, alright. "But… aren't you just gonna pretend like this never happened tomorrow?"

"No, Steve," she pined persistently, her threads of resistance unraveling.

"Well, how do I know that?!" Contrary to the agitated volume of his voice, he wasn't actually mad… just deeply concerned. The thought of that mountain-moving kiss being their last grievously crossed his mind as he recalled what she told him several times now: friends was all they would ever be. Her track record of rebellion continued to prove that much after all.

But her heart knew better. It was swelling against her ribcage with every breath she took, crying out to be heard the longer she looked at him. "I made a promise to you, remember? And I meant it," she said softly as her tender gaze found his. Her eyes shamelessly examined the obscure ruggedness of his features as she slinked forward to close the tense gap once again.

She knew that he had grounds to have her sued for romantic perjury at this point. But all she could do was keep that promise to him. Because she was tired. Tired of invalidating this new woman she didn't recognize in the mirror. Tired of feeling guilty about her feelings for him. Tired of trying to fool herself into believing those feelings weren't real.

Most of all, she was tired of lying to him. If anything, her deceit had only brought her right back where she started — standing before him at odds with herself as she had several times before, wondering why he wouldn't just shut up and kiss her already. She'd finally conceded to the fact that this weird, intense attraction to him wasn't going away anytime soon.

So she sighed deeply in surrender as her denial took flight from her. She'd been blind for a lifetime and she ached for her senses back. Screw it all. "Besides..." she whispered to him as her hand reached out for his and stepped into him as if they were suddenly magnetized. "...How can I pretend anymore when I can't even stop thinking about your lips...?" she confessed breathlessly as her opposite hand gently landed on his chest with a gentle caress along the button line of his shirt.

…And there you have it. Steve's brows shot up in astonishment, rendered speechless as she made her intentions crystal clear. And his skeptical resolve weakened the second she boldly pressed her lithe body into his, instantly entrancing him with her alluring suggestion as his hormones gradually overwhelmed his shock.

Well, in that case… he figured he might as well give her something else to think about. What did he have to lose except his spine when Stefan snapped it in half like a twig? And that would happen after Myra mangled him and shipped his body parts up the Chicago River. As daunting as those thoughts should've been, his aggressive desire to have her all to himself overruled his restraint the moment he had her irrefutable consent. God was giving him quite the break right now and he relished every rare second he got to be this close to her. Needless to say, he couldn't care about the consequences right now if he tried. Clearly, Laura shared the same sentiment.

An impish smirk slowly graced his features and he flirtatiously laced his fingers through hers as they disarmed their doubts. She smiled back softly as they relaxed against one another, losing themselves in each other's eyes as the world around them faded away. His opposite hand lifted to gently cup her cheek, the pad of his thumb softly grazing the unbelievably smooth texture of her flawless chestnut flesh... wow, she even felt like a dream.

If only he knew that she was thinking the same thing about him. But the way she gently nuzzled her cheek against his palm was enough to let him know that they were on the same page here. Funny how things change. Here was the most ungraceful guy on the planet sweeping her off her feet in a way that was almost frightening... deliciously frightening. And it made her wonder if she had been the clumsy one in this equation the whole time.

Unabashed as she surrendered her weight against him, her eyes slowly fluttered shut as she allowed his alluring scent to captivate her, finding a thrill in the unexpected ways he continued to surprise her. Resigning to their mutual desires as the weakening dam of resistance finally broke, he moved his hand to the back of her head to slowly reel her in for the ultimate steal. He had a little 'thanks' of his own to give and he had every intention of taking her damn breath away.

...But just as Steve was going in for the kill, Eddie's disgruntled voice rang out through the kitchen door, unceremoniously trashing their precious moment. "Awwww, man. That's why I got a 'C'. I didn't know I actually had to take the final…" he whined as he entered the living room, frowning at his report card in disappointment, rudely interrupting their impassioned exchange. "It's volleyball! You'd think that'd be optional on a Friday," he bemoaned with a rueful shake of his head, initially inattentive to the ground-breaking scene before him.

Doggone it! Alarmed by Eddie's unexpected intrusion, their lips barely brushed together before Steve was shaken by a reflexive impulse to recover before they were caught red-handed in another steamy lip-lock! Compelled to play off the unlikely way their bodies were precariously molded together, he quickly rushed to pick apart her eyelid to pretend like he was clearing an obstruction for her. Sucking in a dramatic breath, he started frantically puffing air into her eye.

Ow?! What the heck was he doing?! Agitated by his frenzied reaction, she jerked herself away from what should have been another trip to the moon. Instead, he was taking it upon himself to blind her and she was completely disoriented by the change of plan. "Ack — quit it, boy!" she hissed at him as she instinctively swatted at his hands to fend him off, irritably rubbing her stinging eye as they scrambled to peel apart.

"My bad, muffin!" Steve quacked remorsefully, wincing as she smacked his hands away and skittishly hopping away from her as he hurriedly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, scrubbing away the residuals of her gloss from his lips.

And it dawned on Laura why he freaked out the moment her befuddled gaze spotted Eddie by the door, instantly snapped back to reality as she timidly groomed herself, nervously fixing her hair and smoothing out the wrinkles in her shirt.

Eddie looked up just in time to catch the tail-end of their erratic frenzy. Pausing in his tracks, his brows furrowed in confusion as he picked up on all the nervous fidgeting and he couldn't help but twist his mouth skeptically — it was pretty obvious they were hiding something. "Heeey. What's going on in here?"

"Oh, nothing-nothing-nothing out of the ordinary!" Steve rambled brightly as he spun to face Eddie with a dimpled grin, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck as he tried to hide the fact that his flesh was still sizzling with desire. "...Just taking in some sun!" he insisted candidly, eager to brush their romantic scandal under the rug. And he silently offered his thanks to God that it wasn't Myra who barged in on them.

"We're inside, Steve…" Laura murmured to him, aloof as she pointed out the glaring discrepancy of his claim, struggling to keep her own halo shining with a cheek-aching grin.

"…Right!" he belched in embarrassment as his eyes glibly bounced around his head, "I knew that. Absorbing some artificial lighting, then!" And just to demonstrate the innocent beauty of it all, he did a spin with his arms out-stretched, taking a deep, fulfilling breath of air into his lungs as if a field of roses had blossomed right there in the living room. "Yes, siree! Just enjoying the fresh air and counting the many fruits of our kisses — blessings!" he squawked with a grimace, quickly correcting his flub-up when his stuttering brain betrayed him.

All Laura could do was face-palm while attempting to tame her rattled nerves and plot her escape from the awkward tension that suddenly fogged up the room. "…Uhhh…I-I'm s-supposed to go out with Max in about… five hours?" she stammered, skillfully donning feigned apathy as she carefully tip-toed towards the staircase to begin her antsy ascent up the steps, "…So...better start getting ready! I'll just be, uh... y'know... upstairs... doing my makeup... and junk."

Sparked with perplexity, Eddie peered up long enough to knit his brows at Laura when that math didn't quite add up. "For five hours?" he challenged, calling her bluff.

Stopping on the platform, she just gave Eddie a flustered look as her face turned bright red. "Whaaat? You could put an eye out with those little brushes!" she insisted earnestly, her voice chiming with bells of innocence. "So... that's where I'll be..." she uttered sheepishly with half the mind to sprint the rest of the way upstairs. But she couldn't help but pause her escape once her eyes landed on Steve again, instantly enchanting him as he stared back at her adoringly. And they both felt their unspoken yearnings electrifying the air between them.

She wanted to avoid explaining the elusive motive behind her little 'slip-up' to him in front of her brother... because his guess would be as good as hers. That didn't mean she wasn't aching to pick up where they left off this time. And so, in spite of her reservations, for the brief moment that their eyes connected, she was compelled to drop a subtle and enticing offer on the table. It was up to him if he wanted to seize the opportunity. "And Steve? If you wanna count more 'blessings' later... I'll be available," she hinted with a wink before slowly climbing the rest of the way upstairs.

Ooooh-la-la… Steve wiggled his brows suggestively, locked in a trance at the sight of his lady love slinking away. It was a long shot but he tried his best ignore the party in his pants as he suppressed the urge to shuffle in celebration once she disappeared.

But before he had the chance to boogie-down, a few dots connected in Eddie's mind as he witnessed their exchange. And he was instantly baffled because he hadn't seen her be that nice to Steve Urkel in... never! "Whoa, hold up..." he mused in a daze as he shot Steve a pensive scowl of confusion. It was like watching an elephant skate on ice. "...Did I just lose a few brain cells or was she just... flirting with you?" Just completing sentence felt like speaking a foreign language. This looked suspiciously like another Woo-Woo Juice 'snafu'... was Steve up to his old antics again?

That must've meant he wasn't crazy because Eddie saw it too! He was on his way to salvation on a chariot of fire because Cupid has spoken! "Cooooooorrecto-mundo, Eduardo!" Steve rejoiced with explosive delight as he beamed with the shine of a million comets. "Butter my buns and call me a biscuit, but if I didn't know any better..." He gave a deep sigh of satisfaction as his arms spread with a wide flourish, tipping his chin to the heavens with his eyes shut as if indulging the freedom of being soaked in a rainfall, declaring jubilantly, "I'd say that the Lords of Horrid Luck have finally given up!"

...Yeah, Eddie was pretty sure that Steve had dropped his common sense in the toilet of a Heartbreak Hotel somewhere. "Oh, I don't think so, Steve," he said with a doubtful shake of his head. There wasn't a notion in the world that would convince him that his sister was of sound mind if she really had the hots for Steve Urkel. Besides, he was holding an omen right in his hand that suggested horrid luck was alive and well. "This report card says otherwise."

...Oh, c'mon! Steve euphoric high deflated and his arms dropped to his sides in defeat, twisting his mouth at Eddie in response to his skepticism. He was getting disgruntled that he was still trying to convince people his fifteen-year venture had the possibility of finally bearing fruit. "Uh, hellooooo, don't you see what's happening here?! The impossible! The inconceivable! Why, the single most incredible breakthrough known to man has come to past!"

"Oh, yeah? You finally get that eel fin out your teeth?" Eddie asked dryly as shot him a blank stare.

Steve distractedly balked his fanfare when he realized this was an important task he had yet to conquer. "Not yet, actually... thanks for reminding me..." he replied wistfully as he paused to tongue at the said fin still wedged in his gums after three days. Thankfully, Laura's tongue hadn't ventured that far back there. He needed some floss, pronto.

Blinking, he focused back on the subject at hand. "Anyway, that's not what I'm talking about! I meant Laura!" Beaming with excitement, he leaned towards Eddie to proudly unload the ultimate enchilada. "I think your sister's falling in love with me, man!" At least... that was his suspicion. Those eyes... and those lips... spoke to him in ways her words never could.

But Eddie knew just how hair-brained his suspicions had been in the past — this certainly wasn't the first time he'd made this extravagant claim. And every time he stepped into the land of delusion with such conviction in his eyes, Eddie couldn't help but be tickled by the hilarity. "…Heh-heh-heh-heh-heeeeeeeh..." he chuckled heartily, breaking out of his deadpan stare to shudder with delight as he gave his knee a gleeful slap. "Oh, man. You crack me up, Steve. I needed that laugh. Thanks," he said as he recovered from his giggle-fit, grateful that he managed to take his mind off of his own doom for a brief moment.

Steve just flailed in defeat. He was really looking for some insight, here! "I'm serious, Eddo! Those 'come-to-mama-and-shake-me-down' eyes are real, I swear it!" he appealed earnestly, following behind Eddie towards the front door as he began to stroll towards it. Maybe he'd be more convinced if he drove the point home with cold-hard facts. "In fact, we had quite the tonsil-talk before you barged in here and ruined my blessing! What does that tell ya?"

Eddie threw a look of disgust over his shoulder at Steve as he approached the door. Did he really need to know that about his own sister? "First of all, ew," he said with dry revulsion before rolling out his sound reasoning for why he wasn't buying it. "Second of all, flirting doesn't mean a thing. If she was in love with you, the skies would be dark with winged pigs and cows right now." And just to prove his point, he grabbed the knob of the door and pulled it ajar, gesturing at the brilliant rays of sunlight that poured into the room. Just to make sure, he peeked his head out of the door and peered up at the clear, blue skies for any evidence of floating farm animals. When there was none, he shot Steve a sarcastic grin. "Nope. No livestock in the forecast today!"

Okay, that didn't help him. In an instant, he got trapped in a mind-loop of uncertainty, his eyes shifty as he considered the frightening implications of this breakthrough. If Laura was in love with him, he would be navigating unfamiliar waters. Should he go make a move now? Or wait until the thorns in their situation had been removed? If he waited, would the opportunity to cash in on his blessings slip by him? All of the answers seemed too easy just a moment ago when his mind was too foggy with desire to concentrate...

"Oh, but what should I do, Eddo?" he bellyached, becoming flustered when it occurred to him that he had no idea where to take his victory from here. "When it comes to Laura, I've never even been out of the dug-out before — I didn't even consider what comes after the home run!" Technically, he'd only made it to first base, but…

"…Maybe because baseball's not your game. Stick to hoops — you won't strike out that way," Eddie suggested with an apathetic shrug before abandoning his interest in the topic altogether because it was that inconceivable. Eyeing the paper in his hand instead, more concerning thoughts crept into the forefront of his awareness — he knew his Dad was going to roast him on a kabob skewer when he saw this report card. "Speaking of which... think I'm gonna go down to the court for a little while to clear my mind," he said dejectedly as he ambled out of the door, stuffing the card in his back pocket.

How encouraging. "You don't believe me, do you?" Steve asked with a rueful shake of his head.

"That wasn't obvious?" Eddie quipped, his shoulders shaken by another incredulous chuckle. "Heh-heh. The lies you tell."

...Yeah, Steve figured as much. He recognized that even if Eddie did believe him, his mind was obviously occupied and he probably wasn't the best beacon for advice at the moment. Oh, well! At least one special somebody was certainly starting to take him seriously and that was all he needed to feel satisfied. He just gave a cavalier shrug. He knew what he saw and felt — he was there when she stuck her tongue in his mouth! And as a scientist, he also knew that sometimes the hypothesis explained itself... not to mention that now he was convinced that was the first time he'd ever experienced a kiss-induced fever. He made a mental note to record his thoughts on that surprising phenomenon later.

The idea that she was weak in the knees for him opened up a new world of possibilities... as did the very enticing offer she'd left on the table. And his chest swelled with confidence as the truth stuck out to him: he'd finally worn Laura Winslow down to the bare bones of carnal restraint. "Well, you should, ye o' little faith!" he taunted with a haughty smirk. It will certainly be satisfying when he finally proved everybody wrong. "Won't be so funny if I become your brother-in-law one day, mister!"

Oh, no. Anything but that. Eddie couldn't help but shudder in rejection of that possibility, pausing his exit long enough to shoot a solemn request over his shoulder as he peered at him with fright in his eyes. "Stop it, Steve. You're gonna give me nightmares."

CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 27