If only Kim knew how much they had both freaked out and were still freaking out. For a few days they didn't talk about it and just let it sink in, occasionally they would look at each other and laugh. How the hell were they going to do this? Polly and Sam went for a follow up appointment and while it had been a relief to find out that everything looked good so far it was also now very, very real and that they found a little confronting. It didn't look like much to them, but that little blob on the screen was definitely their baby and as shocked as they were they were in love with it.

Polly turned to Sam the moment they got out of the Doctor's office. "Well congratulations Daddy, you've officially knocked me up." Her laugh was a little bittersweet. The list of things for them to read was overwhelming and right now it seemed surreal.

"So it seems." It wasn't long after that Sam decided they needed to get away for a few days. He rearranged a few things at work before he told Polly they were getting away on the weekend. It was his weekend to work so he had to swap with someone else and do a little begging but he got it sorted and they headed up to the Summer House. "I think we have a lot to talk about." They'd ignored it for long enough, it had been more than a week and they'd barely talked about it and apart from making sure Polly was eating and sleeping well they just didn't mention the baby.

"I'd like that. Sam, we are okay aren't we?"

He tugged her beanie down over her ears and kissed her nose. "Yes Baby, we are okay."

Polly had been in her new job a week, one whole week and now she had to tell her boss that she was going to need time off. She wasn't sure if that was making her feel sick or the pregnancy was. They had a few weeks before anything needed to be said to anyone and that was a relief because they had no idea what they were doing. They hadn't even talked about how long Polly would take off work.

It didn't seem that long ago that Sam wandered into the bedroom at precisely the wrong moment for Polly and he immediately noticed the red mark on her arm. "What's that? What happened?" He touched it lightly and Polly pulled her arm away.

"Don't," she snapped.

"What is it? Does it hurt?"

"No it's fine." Polly tried not to grimace as she slid her arm into her sweater sleeve.

"Obviously." His response was just as snarky. "You can barely move it."

"I think it's just my implant."

"It doesn't usually hurt does it?" He had never heard Polly complain about it before and she had always had one in. To be fair though there was a ten-year chunk that he was still learning about. Perhaps this wasn't unusual, just unusual for him.

"No."

"Are you going to see someone about it?"

"Yes."

"Okkkkay." Sam whistled through gritted teeth. "You are obviously in a bad mood."

"I feel like shit."

"How long?" He let his eyes roll back slightly when she didn't answer. "How long have you felt like shit?" Sometimes it was like pulling teeth getting information from Polly when she was cranky. "Obviously today, that goes without saying."

"Very fucking funny."

"Why are you shitty with me?" It was stupid of Sam to continue goading her; he'd never been very smart in regards to that but then again her family never put up with her moody shit either. Now was probably not the time to poke the bear but he did anyway. If he was going down in flames it may as well be an inferno.

"Because you keep asking dumb fucking questions."

"Since when is asking why your arm is sore and why you are feeling shit classified as a dumb fucking question?"

"Since right now."

"Right. You are fucking impossible to talk to when you are like this." He shrugged, annoying Polly no end as he continued into the bathroom, the original reason he came in anyway and then back out without saying another word. There was zero point talking to her at the moment and walking away just got her back up even more. It was a lose/lose situation so Sam decided to err on the side of doing what he wanted rather than hitting his head up against a brick wall trying to fight with Polly. She was a Ruzek, he knew to give her space and time and then come at her again or wait for her to calm down.

"I feel really crappy." He hadn't even bothered to stop reading when Polly emerged from the bedroom because he was expecting that he'd probably be ignored anyway. His apartment wasn't that big, it had one bedroom and one and a half baths. The windows were large and looked out on to Lincoln Park and had hardwood floors and a small balcony. The kitchen wasn't exactly huge but it worked and he had a room for a small dining table and made the effort to sit down at the table and eat dinner with each other at least two nights a week. Polly spent at least half the week at his place and he would stay with her a few nights. It was pretty stupid paying for two rents but neither of them seemed game enough to bring up living together just yet.

"Okay."

"They weren't dumb questions. I know you are just trying to help me and I was a bitch."

"Yep." Sam popped the bookmark into the book and closed the cover. He had always been more than happy to tell her when she was being a bitch. Polly had been stunned at first but was used to it now and fortunately it didn't happen often, she wasn't often like this so he knew something was bugging her. "How long? What's wrong?"

"It started aching a week ago but today it was way worse. I feel queasy and I get all these cramps and I know what's next."

"What does that mean? What's next?"

"I guess I get a period and that will be really heavy and painful. It gets pretty bad and you might want to take a wide berth, like a really wide berth, sleeping with the Lions might be a better choice." He did think that was a little dramatic but that was Polly. "I think my implant has stopped working."

"Then take it out." It seemed such a simple equation, it was hurting her and making her feel like shit so she needed to take it out and surely that would fix the problem, he wasn't a complete idiot, he knew there were other things she could do. Polly didn't need him to fix it or offer a solution though; she just needed him to listen.

"What? The implant?" It wasn't just as simple as taking it out, yet being male he didn't understand that and Polly had to take a deep breath and try not to snap at him. She failed. "You are just worried you want be able to throw a leg over because I am in a bad mood or closed for maintenance as you call it."

"Yes, that's exactly what I am worried about." He bit at her sarcastically as he reached for his book again. If she was going to let princess bitch face out again she was on her own.

"Sorry." Polly's voice softened.

He looked up from his book, this was serious mood swing territory and it was a little unexpected and Sam felt that he was probably half way up shit creek and had a very loose grip on the paddle. "Has it happened before?"

"Yes, they only last a few years then need to be replaced, it's never been this bad though." Polly grabbed the wheat bag she had warmed in the microwave and lay down with her head on Sam's lap and placed the warm bag across her abdomen. "My Doctor said last time if the symptoms got worse this time around I should look at having it taken out and give my body a break. I've got an appointment after work tomorrow."

Sam was already home by the time that Polly came in from her Doctor's appointment. He gone to her place because he had the feeling she would go there rather than his place and try and avoid talking to him. "How'd you go?" Firstly he was grateful that she didn't seem pissed off to see him; that was a good start.

"Okay." She dumped her bag by the door and headed for the fridge, yanking it open and staring into the abyss for a few minutes before she slammed it shut and reached for a glass instead and filled it up from the tap.

Sam watched her carefully for a few minutes. "You wanna talk to me?"

"You don't want to know, trust me." After finishing the water she set the glass down on the bench and Sam saw her hands shake slightly. "It's not pretty."

"Baby, you've no idea where I've had my hand stuck today, whatever you've got is nothing." And it was true, they'd sedated a zebra because he had an unusual discharge from his penis, it wasn't pretty or even slightly amusing. It was just plain nasty so whatever Polly had going on was a walk in the park. Some days his job was just ugly. He tried to lighten the mood by giving Polly a very graphic description of his day.

"That's gross." She screwed up her nose. Some of the stuff he came home and talked about was seriously disgusting and Polly never thought about that side of his job. She had always imagined zoo keeping meant just feeding and the good times that the public saw, not all the behind the scenes stuff that just grossed her out. "Sam I am fine. The doctor was reasonably sure that everything would settle down now that it's out."

"You didn't get another one put in?"

"Not yet."

"Okay. And things will settle down?"

"Hopefully." It was sweet that all he seemed to care about was that she was feeling better or at the very least going to feel better soon. "There is a small issue though."

"What?"

"I can't use any other form of birth control just yet." He wasn't really sure why, there were other things they could do surely. "I've been on the pill before and it was ten times worse than the past few days. It was horrific and made me feel pretty hideous all the time. Dad called me Feral Beryl."

"Well you are not doing that then."

"You don't want to see me feral?"

"Not really. The past few days have been bad enough but I don't want you to feel like shit." Polly still wasn't sure she liked it when Sam was brutally honest with her even though she was bought up with her whole family doing exactly the same thing but then again she was never left wondering and surely that was a good thing. "What are our choices then?"

Polly smiled, she liked that he said 'our choices' "Nothing. I can't use non-hormonal either."

"What the hell is that?"

"I can't use on IUD. My body rejects it and I was in agony the whole time I had the last two put in." Sam cringed a little at the image he had in his head about those things. He had some vague recollection of learning about them back in high school but it was certainly nothing he'd even had to contemplate for more than a decade. "There is a diaphragm but I need to stop and put that in before sex and use spermicide and it's uncomfortable and I didn't enjoy sex because I could always feel it." Sam just cringed; there was nothing remotely sexy about any of that. This was starting to sound like a bit of a nightmare. "And I need to take it out straight after."

"So condoms it is then?"

"I am afraid so, for a few months and then he will consider letting me try the implant again." Polly stared at her hands. "Otherwise our options are the withdrawal method or abstinence." She saw the look on his face and she assumed he was not impressed by either option. "I'm sorry."

It was a big day, not only did Sam tell her that he didn't mind using condoms until she was sorted again, in fact he picked some up when he did an ice-cream run a few hours later but it was also when he decided they needed to live together and told Polly that he'd be okay if they fucked up.

"Fuck what up? Living together?" Polly was a bit stunned. In one breath he was telling her they needed to live together but he wasn't sure they could do it? That didn't make sense, she wasn't going to move in with him if he was okay if they fucked it up, and that wasn't a great way to start.

"No, I mean with the condom thing, if we fuck that up and end up pregnant I think we'd be okay."

Polly cried, then hugged him and then cracked open the box of condoms.

And while they tried hard to be sensible and for the most part they were at the end of the day they fucked up and now they were both freaking out.

It was bitterly cold and the house was freezing when they arrived so Sam quickly lit the fire while Polly curled up on the couch with a rug and waited for it to warm up. They'd stopped on the way to grab something to eat and now she was exhausted. This was kicking her ass, and while they had blamed it on all the shit at work with her old boss and starting a new job they now knew it was much more than that; much, much more.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Just hot water and lemon." Polly often drank it in the mornings especially if she hadn't been particularly looking after herself, if they'd been out a lot or eating too much crappy food.

"You feeling sick?"

"A little queasy. I think it's just because I am tired."

"You want to go to bed?"

"No, I want to cuddle up on the couch in front of the fire with you." She held out her hand. "I feel like you are scared to touch me. I won't break."

While that wasn't quite true because Sam cuddled up to her in bed every night but during the day he was a little distant. "I want to touch you in ways you can't imagine." In the two weeks since the Doctor had dropped this bombshell they'd hadn't even got close to having sex. Sam had suddenly got busy at work and Polly was confused. He insisted that he was okay with everything but it just didn't feel right.

"Then why don't you?"

"I didn't think you wanted me too."

"I feel a little lonely." She looked so sad and Sam felt like an idiot. "The damage has already been done." She patted her stomach lightly.

"Oh baby, no." he crawled under the blanket with her. "I'm sorry. You know how much I love you. I mean…." He started kissing her neck. "You have my baby in here…" slipping his hand under her sweater he stroked her stomach. "I think you are so precious, I don't want to hurt you."

"You are not going to hurt me."

And he didn't, he extremely gentle and tender with her, like she was made of glass but he had to admit, having her naked body pressed against his was pretty fucking sweet.

"That spun me out a little." He admitted. Polly was lying on top of him, her head resting on his chest and Sam was running his hands up and down her back, tracing her spine.

"Hmmm." He loved how she would go into this trance like state for a few minutes after they had sex. It made him feel good knowing that he did that to her. He waited for a few minutes and eventually she lifted her head. "What did?"

"That. Like having sex knowing that you have our baby in here."

"Sam, we had sex two weeks ago. Remember? And it wasn't like that, it was pretty wild."

"Yes, but I didn't know you were pregnant then."

"Does it bother you? Did you not like it?" Her lip quivered and he was guessing, for what he had read that he needed to get used to the emotional side of Polly, luckily he had plenty of experience. Their whole first year together was a rollercoaster of emotion.

He grabbed both of her cheeks and bought her face close to his. "You were friggin' incredible. I loved it and I can't wait to do it again."

Polly slipped her hand down between them. "You've got a little way to go."

"Then I'll just keep kissing you until I am ready." He sucked on her bottom lip. "And there is one bonus to all this."

"What's that?"

"Ahhh, Baby its bare back all the way now." Polly squealed when Sam dug his fingers into her sides and made her squirm. "Fuck that felt good." He never had an issue with having to use condoms but he wasn't going to lie he preferred not to.

They left the baby talk alone until the next morning. Sam was watching her sleep, trying to formulate a plan. Up until now he had spent a bit of time reading up about the pregnancy and what stage they were at but little else. One thing he did know was that she was beautiful and he couldn't imagine a life without her. The ten years he'd spent away from her hadn't been bad, not by any stretch of the imagination but he never had this feeling. He never felt so sure of his future.

Brushing her hair away from her forehead, he kissed her softly and crept out of bed to use the bathroom and when he came back Polly was awake. "I felt you get up."

"Sleep okay?" He crawled back under the covers.

"I did, you tired me out." Polly had got up quickly and was back snuggled beneath the covers before she got too cold.

"Good." Sam piled up some pillows behind his head and sat up against the headboard and waited for her to be settled. "I've been thinking."

"About what?"

'Well, first of all, about you and how I can keep you safe and happy and healthy, about the baby, about how do we tell people, when do we tell people, where we are going to live, should we get married."

"That's a lot of thinking Baby. When did you sleep?"

"You were fast asleep I had to do something."

"And?"

"I have no idea."

They'd put off any discussion about the baby for long enough; they couldn't keep ignoring it. There was no luxury of time, some things had to change from the start. What Polly ate, drank and what they did all had to change and not just the half-hearted attempt so far. "Where should we start?"

"The baby," Polly liked that Sam's hand was on her stomach and she covered it with hers. "This is the most important thing."

"Right." Sam nodded. Polly had decided, because of her mother's own miscarriage and what she had read that it would be wise to keep it to themselves for the first three months. "I read that."

"You've been reading?" Polly was a little surprised. They hadn't talked about it at all and he'd been at work so she wondered when he had time and when they did get a chance to talk they completely ignored the baby.

"Yep." They formulated a bit of plan of how to get around it. Sam was knee deep in study at the moment so they could blame him for being too busy to go out or that he didn't drink when he was in exams and Polly was supporting him. They had no idea if it was going to work but they were willing to try. "And I've been thinking about one other thing."

"What?"

Sam wriggled down the bed and kissed her flat stomach. "I've been thinking about whether this in here…" he kissed it again. "…is my son or my daughter."

Polly ran her fingers through his hair. "You know, that makes me a bit teary." What she loved most about what he said was he didn't just say boy or girl, it was his son or daughter and while that sounded a little surreal it was also a beautiful thought.

They both heard Polly's stomach grumble a little. "You need to eat? I need to feed my Baby, both of them."

"I could do some toast and I bought some ginger tea, I haven't tried it yet but it is supposed to help with nausea."

"Do you feel sick?"

"Not too bad. I thought I'd give it a go though before I get too bad, apparently that's still to come so that's something to look forward too. I already feel like I have a pea sized bladder, I get to enjoy constipation, swollen ankles, my boobs are sore, stuff will start to leak and I'm going to love those stretch marks and apparently my nipples get huge." Polly ticked them off her fingers. "And you get to do what?"

"To love you." Sam grimaced when Polly twisted his nipple playfully but she loved what he said. He kissed her quickly as he climbed out of bed "And our baby." He threw back over his shoulder as he left, he was more than happy to get up and make them some breakfast and bought it back into bed. He noticed that Polly had her eyes closed again. Now that they knew about the unexpected pregnancy it explained why she was so exhausted and he was conscious that Polly was getting enough rest now.

The whole fiasco at DCFS had been a rough. As they expected it didn't just go away when Polly reported her boss and quit. He denied it, blamed Polly and tried to even insinuate that she came onto him and the only reason she quit was because he rebuffed her. It was ugly and took its toll on Polly and they didn't know she was in her early stages of pregnancy either and she had crawled into a hole and cried a hell of a lot. Sam just waited for her to crawl back out, and she did, into the safety of his arms. Fortunately enough women came forward to throw his story out the window and he was sacked a few days later but it still knocked her on her ass.

"Speaking of reading, shouldn't you be studying this weekend?"

"No, we should be here figuring out what the hell we are doing." There was no way Sam could concentrate on his study until he had all this clear in his head, they'd ignored it for long enough and he wanted to get this sorted now. He was ready to accept that they were expecting a baby and wanted to talk about it. "And I am studying, I am studying what it's like to fall in love with a pregnant body and a baby I can't see or feel yet."

"I have no idea what the hell we are doing."

"It's exciting though, hey?" Sam was starting to get there. They talked about whether they wanted to get married or not, more about the timing than anything. They wanted to get married but it was seemingly low on both their priority lists at the moment. "Do you want a boy or girl?"

"I don't know, it changes all the time. I'd love a girl to dress up and I think of how close Mom and I are and I would love that, I think my Dad would spoil the shit out of her and I would love you to have that kind of relationship with a daughter that I have with my Dad because I think I am pretty lucky and I know if this is a girl then she would be too. Then I think how precious it would be for you to have a son, I can see you coaching sport, taking him to the zoo, and building shit together and I'd love that too. Dad would be awesome like my Pops was. So I don't know." Sam loved how her face was alight as she rambled on. "What do you think?"

"Hmmm…..Thinking about my folks, Mom would go ape shit over a girl, it would be insane. Dad was always better with us boys than my sisters. He's not as close to them as you are to Adam but I think having a granddaughter would change all that and he would dote on her something crazy." Polly was watching him closely. It was always his eyes that she loved to watch when he was talking passionately about something, and he was passionate about this baby.

"I think you want a girl."

"Is that wrong? I mean I don't really care, as long as it's healthy and you are as well then I don't really care. That's such a cliché though isn't it?"

"A little bit, but I really like that you want a girl."

"Why's that?"

"Because most men want a son, you know to carry on their name, it's all macho and they can beat their chests. It's like it's an extension of their dick or something."

"I think the fact that you are even pregnant is validation enough that my dick is doing just fine."

"You want me to check?"

Sam grabbed the plate from her lap and threw it on side table. "Yes."

By the time they made it out of bed it was almost lunchtime and they bundled themselves up and took a short walk along the beach. The bitterness soon drove them back inside but it was nice to get some fresh air. "We should think about moving." Sam was making them some lunch while Polly warmed herself by the fire. She liked that he was fussing over her but it was going to get old very quickly. Somehow she knew she'd have to get used to it, Sam was not going to change and once their parents knew he would rope them all into his insanity.

"Again?"

"Yeah, I'd like a house for us. I remember you told me that you bought your house as a family home, do you want that to be our family home?"

"It needs work."

"Well we can do that? Or we can find something else. I just think it will be easier to move before the baby is born rather than pack up and move with a new baby."

"You know it won't need much space for a while. It's not like one of your animals, it won't be up and running around in an hour."

"Yes, I do know that. We live in a one bedroom flat, it's not that big and it seems like baby's need a lot of crap and I just want to be settled before the baby comes. Is that okay?"

"Sure. If that's what you want." It was seriously the last thing Polly was thinking about but obviously Sam was trying to cover everything. It was different for him, all he could do for Polly was make sure she was safe, eating well and resting. Nothing else he did would affect the baby so he focussed on the material things, where they would live, and work, cars…all the practical stuff.

"It's just a thought."

Polly just left it at that; Sam was going to do what he wanted to do. He would write a list of things that needed to be done at the house and start organising it once she agreed that it was stupid to pay rent or take out another mortgage when they had a perfectly good, paid off house available to them particularly if Polly was not going to be working for a while. He was right in saying that if they moved into that house, mortgage free then Polly could have more time off with the baby. He'd be happy for Polly to take six months to a year off if she wanted. "Do you want to find out what we are having?"

"I don't know." Sam bought the salad through to the lounge. "How long before we have to decide?"

They decided that at the moment they were keen to wait and be surprised on the day, perhaps they would change their mind later on but right now it was exciting. "Are you worried you'll be disappointed if it's a boy."

"I won't be disappointed if it's a boy. It's our baby, I am already in love."

"Yeah?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." Sam was left speechless when Polly started crying. He really wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to handle this or how long this was going to keep happening. "Why are you crying?" He was a bit stunned so probably spoke without thinking.

"I don't know."

"Pol, sweetheart. This is good; I want you to know that. I am really happy. I don't care what we have in there," He pointed to her stomach. "It's our baby and that's all I care about."

"I love you." It surprised him how great it was to hear her say that while she was bawling her eyes out.

By the time they headed back to Chicago they felt that they were better prepared for the next few weeks at least. This was happening and there was nothing they could do about it but try and embrace it, some days were easier than others but on those days were it overwhelmed them they at least had each other to lean on.

And they'd had to lean on each other pretty hard when things went to shit with Adam and Sam's work. It had pushed the baby way back in their minds for a few weeks, well as much as it could be anyway.