It's only when he completely lets his guard down that Cloud talks about Zack. He always has this mixed tone, always somber but sometimes with the most beautifully nostalgic happiness. It makes me jealous, hearing how happy Zack made him. Cloud doesn't bother to hide how important the man was to him. Just the way he says his name carries so much love and admiration.
He speaks of the days when he saw ShinRa and Soldier as his opportunity to show his worth to the world. The time when Zack took him as his personal charge, attempting to help him rise quickly in the ranks. He talks about Zack's smile and charisma, the way he could light up a room, the way he was undeniably magnetic. He told me that along with Zack being a prankster, he was a shameless flirt, winking and charming the whole world around him. Cloud made me smile when he told me that in that way, I was a lot like Zack.
He's only spoken of Zack's death once, and I felt so guilty for wanting to pull it out of him. Cloud expression tore my heart from my chest. It was obvious that he still blamed himself for Zack's death. He said he remembers bits and pieces, he remembers the moment he woke up, he remembers holding Zack's body and he remembers the point where he couldn't cry anymore. Cloud says he can't really remember too much after that. He thinks that after that moment of shock he took on Zack's persona. He won't really say anything after that. The only other thing I'd heard him say about it after was a murmur one night, something I wasn't even supposed to hear—a lament to Zack:
"I said I'd live out both our lives…easy to make that promise."
I've never asked him to take me to the place Zack died, to Cloud's own little haven from the world, where he could grieve and think in peace. I wanted to go myself though, to try to find out why this man held so much of the heart of the only person I'd ever truly loved.
a/n: Two notes on this and a query. First, I feel like I kinda screwed with what actually happened, Cloud reaction wise, after Zack's death, since I really can't remember the details (if they exist), for some crazy reason. Maybe it's because I used the part of my brain that's supposed to remember it to memorize the Seph-Zack-Cloud reactor scene in Last Order...or just all of Zack in Last Order.../drool/
Second, for those of you who've seen Advent Children, I know I totally stole the line...I love AC so much, and I really wanted to use that line. It's really a beautiful scene to watch. Plus, right after Cloud says it, we totally get to see a beautifully CGI'd Zack montage. Guh...fantasticness, even if it is like...ten seconds. Yeah...I'm a whore for Zacky, I can't deny it. I mean, his line in the Lifestream, and that last scene, with him against the doorframe...and the hand wavey thing...Guh. I'll restrain myself and stop gushing, I promise...gotta remember--Cloud and RENO. /gets distracted by AC/LO Zack/
Back to business: Query is this: Do you use Shinra or ShinRa? I tend to do ShinRa for the company and Shinra for the last name. Is there any cannon guidance on this, or should I keep doing what I'm doing?
Yet again, there's no inspiration for chapter 27, as of yet. We're getting down to a milestone chapter count, here! Help with inspiration, puhleeeze! Tell me what you think! You can even chide me for doing a whole Zack/Cloud centric chapter in a Reno/Cloud fic, if you really feel like it, so long as you review!
Lots o' love to all of you readers and my beloved reviewers...it's nice to see a warm reaction to this.