My Life for My Prince

Chapter Twenty-Six: Legacy of the Whiteblade, Part I

Finding the will to live or the strength to die

Do you see how I have let you run away after we lay together, and it makes no difference? I broke you like a demoness in my harem. We are soul linked now Saturna. There is only one way out, one way to ease your suffering. Give into my will that claws at your heart. Accept the Demon magic I am so eager to give you. And the hate you have for Kael'thas… don't run from it. Hate is a powerful magic, it can make you strong enough to take the revenge you seek.

Saturna gazed over the jagged edge of the roof of the Black Temple. Dawn was just breaking. It caused the smoke trail of the Legion's infernals to burn a bright yellow as they cometed earthward on the horizon. She'd not seen this color before. How was it that fel magic could be so close to the color of the Light?

A beautiful dichotomy. It is what you have become, a weapon forged from both sides. Will you displease me today, Saturna? Is that why you've been standing with one leg over the other side of the precipice for so long? Do you think suicide will deliver you from your fate?

"Be quiet!" Saturna shouted at Illidan's voice in her head. The rape hadn't just been an effort to break her will, make her fear him. Illidan was in her mind now, the way he was in the minds of all his Demon lovers. Illidan was powerful, he could maintain many Soul Links at once. Now Illidan's essence, his thirst for sex and violence was with Saturna too. Pleasing Illidan was a weight on her shoulders that would be with her always.

She spoke into the wind, "You can't use me like this. I don't want to be your puppet, nor do I wish to suffer with Kael'thas. And this world has become too dark, I don't care how you've empowered me. It isn't power, Illidan, it's a collar around my neck!"

You still have your own free will. Already, you used it to make the choice to flee from me when I finished with you last night. I let you run, and this is where you ended up, on the brink of panic. Killing yourself is not the answer.

That the man who raped her was now talking her down from the ledge... Saturna was disgusted with what had become her life. The ground looked even more inviting now.

I feel panicked too, Saturna. Kael'thas knew I was capable of this, that in my madness I wanted you just like this. But he would not enslave me. He refused to protect you and he refused to protect me. And now your son is dead because of it. It is all his fault. Now, more than ever, Kael'thas deserves to die. You cannot go back now.

"If I murder him, afterward you will have no use for me and you will kill me! If I do not kill Kael'thas, then I am stuck between you both like some… some toy! Why would I want to live like that? You and Kael'thas together took my son away from me… my precious baby boy." Tears were in her eyes, but Saturna let the wind take them away. She was angry. She did not want to remember that she still had a soul that could be this tortured, for her existence to hurt this much.

Saturna swung her other leg over the ledge. Now she balanced on a sliver of crumbling rock. The defiled earth of the Black Temple grounds waited for her stories below.

I am the Demon Lord of Outland. In life and in death you are hopelessly mine. There is no pathetic rock under which you could hide, that I wouldn't find you. My Fel Orcs, or the enslaved Netherdrakes, or the Murkbloods, or the Naga, your own Blood Elf kin would gladly hunt you down for me. And Kael'thas would help me, because he would want you back too. You could not even hide in Silvermoon. Even if you died, you would be found and resurrected, and the first thing that you would see, when you again opened your eyes would be my cock coming at you—I know that you are afraid of it now!

Saturna screamed over his voice in her head.

Kill yourself then! Go and do what comes naturally to you, as I did when I raped you! Is that what you want, to give up?

"Don't dare try to rationalize what you did. It was wrong! And I have no sympathy for you Illidan, I don't care how we're connected now!"

Illidan got quiet. Saturna could feel his powers searching through her, working over something. She could sense his feelings and he hers through their link. But Illidan had complete control over it. Saturna did not know how to reach within and project her own voice back at him.

Saturna flinched. She wasn't sure of what it was, but Illidan had just discovered something about her that deeply unsettled him. No, Starshine. In fact, you are right. Yes, I hope you die. Go ahead… I want you to kill yourself, Saturna Whiteblade. You were not broken properly. I must do it again.

Saturna was overcome with blind rage. "Yes, I hate Kael'thas! I hate him because I hate you! Are you satisfied now? At the end of my life I have finally given you what you want…" As she confessed it, accepted his influence, new magic surged in Saturna. Illidan forced it through their link and it was overwhelming. Saturna felt like she was falling though she had not let go of the ledge. In the next moment it was hard to breathe… Illidan was making it feel this intense on purpose, she realized. He was pushing her off the ledge in his own way, though he was far off, deep inside of the Black Temple and she on the roof. He tried again, pushed even harder this time. The dark magic jolted her senses and Saturna couldn't hold onto anything anymore. Grief for her son that she barely held in check raged forth and ripped apart Saturna's mind. Illidan took advantage of that maelstrom, told Saturna that she had to jump. In fact she should have jumped before, months ago when Kael'thas first put his hands on her. That would have been a better fate. Time was running out...

Someone grabbed Saturna around the waist and yanked her violently around when she pushed off the ledge. She and that person fell backward onto the roof together, but Saturna went down fighting. She hit him and he twisted around, clutching his face. A flurry of long, blood-red hair.

"Nate!"

Nathaniel Blaize rubbed his cheek. "I did not know that you could hit that hard."

Saturna fought the impulse to hit him again. The Demonic lust for violence waned slightly, because she had hit him already. Illidan was analyzing the situation. He relaxed his hold on her.

"Saturna, what are you doing up here? You weren't really trying to… Oh no, by the Sun! Please don't dothat. There are people who love you, who care about you. Is it Kael'thas who's got you so upset? No, it's not worth killing yourself over him, especially. If you're going to die at all out here in Outland, then die for your country. That's what I tell my soldiers. Don't kill yourself over a man, of all things!" Blaize knew it wasn't welcome but hugged her. "Oh Saturna… no, don't end your life over an idiot like Kael'thas."

Blaize's maligning Kael'thas appealed to Saturna now. She felt Illidan watching her enjoy that comfort. He was going to hold back manipulating her further when Blaize was already doing such an excellent job.

Saturna stepped carefully out of her ex-husband's embrace. "That sounds like what one of my girlfriends might say… if I were back home."

"Well, if my sounding like one of your girl-friends" Blaize made a face, but Saturna could tell he was poking fun at himself, to make her feel better, "is what kept you from doing something so horrible, then I'm glad for it. Now comes the easy part that seems to be old-hat for us, whether I'm your ex-husband or no. Tell me, what in the hell did Kael'thas do to you this time?"

Leave him. Kael'thas has returned to the Golden Shrine and is looking for you.

Saturna turned to go.

"Please." Blaize touched her arm. "Maybe you don't believe me, but I still love you. I am really worried about you these days." He hesitated, then added, "And that could be our child. Don't you realize that? But even if it weren't… I don't like what I just saw, Saturna. You need help. If you're going to go back to him then… at least, let me walk you there, so you arrive safely."

"It is not your son. It… wasn't your son."

"Oh no… Saturna, I'm so sorry. No wonder you—"

"Goodbye Nathaniel Blaize. Funny that you were good to me when you didn't have me… and treated me awfully when you did. Well, at least you are consistent, unlike Kael'thas. Even now, I don't understand how he can be so cruel. Every day that we've been together, he just gets worse..."

As she descended the stairs alone, Blaize called after. He sounded more upset than she'd ever known him to be in their tumultuous relationship. "Where are you Bloodknights? You should speak with them if you can't talk to me. Saturna, please. I truly am sorry for your loss. So sorry…"

But Saturna wasn't sorry. She did not want to feel sorry for herself anymore.

Never fear, woman pet. I offered Kael'thas my magic when he first came to Outland. I urged him to give into his hate then so that he could survive the murder of his father and the fall of his country. Likewise, you have been empowered.

"And now I'm falling for the same trick, aren't I Illidan? Your magic and my hate together will help me to survive the murder of my son, and now his father. What a terrible price to pay, to save my country."

Heartbroken, Saturna laughed at the sick irony. People were frightened by her strange behavior and stared as the crazed woman sauntered down the Main Causeway. She talked to herself and walked like she was drunk. And in a way, Saturna was. Two powerful magics few people alive understand were hard at work stifling the true desires of her mind and heart. Saturna went west and then due south, toward the Golden Shrine.

The Sunfury Guards announced her. The doors opened and she steeled herself. The new desire to deceive, to take revenge made Saturna's knees feel weak. It wasn't just the armor Illidan had reforged for her, with his own black blood. Saturna knew her own hate was there too. This was what she wanted, to make Kael'thas respect her at last. Saturna wanted to punished him for his wrongdoings. It was what he deserved.

Kael'thas clearly had different ideas however.

Kael'thas lay naked on the bed, facing her. His head rested easily on an open palm. One leg was bent up and opened skyward, in an arrogant display of everything he had. A black ringbox had been strategically placed on the red sheets right there on purpose. Because the starburst mosaic had been destroyed, he was the only thing in the room that shone gold. Kael'thas knew this, and continued to look up at Saturna through his mane of blonde hair like he owned her.

And perhaps before yesterday... he had.

Saturna gripped her Corrupted Ashbringer tighter in her right hand. She could not let him disarm her, not now.

"I have something for you." Kael'thas teased knowingly.

Saturna trembled, but not because wanted to give into the golden man she'd always dreamed of. Her reforged Demon armor would not let Saturna miss when she got angry… angry enough to do murder.

"And I have something for you as well."

"Would that have anything to do with your going to Illidan in the middle of the night?"

Saturna blinked. "That… it doesn't matter anymore. You're too late."

"I am going to be your husband. I am already the father of your child… and it's none of my concern? More importantly, however, I am your lover. I gave you everything that I had last night, and it seems you still got bored and wanted to go chat with him anyway. Morning came and I portaled in here to find there was a hole in the floor—which I fell through by the way—" Kael'thas squinted an eye, "Had to portal back to Tempest Keep to get myself out of that fix and try again… The point is, Saturna, that I missed you. I really missed you when I was there, if it only was just a day, and I missed you even more when I got home and realized you were off enjoying Illidan's company more than mine. But, I quickly cheered myself up. I remembered that I have one thing that my good friend doesn't and it's silly to be jealous." Kael'thas used a thumb to crack the knuckles on one hand that rested just over his knee. "You."

Saturna laughed at him.

Kael'thas was thrown off. "What's so funny?"

"You want me to melt, don't you? I finally understand why you seduced me so aggressively this entire time, even when you already had me. It's never been about your love for me, Kael'thas, though I don't doubt that you do—only a man in love would be so stupid and go as far as you have. Kael'thas, this is about you feeling insecure. You need to see me fall apart over you. Especially right now, because you feel jilted. You can't help thinking about Jaina and whoever else it's been all your life and wonder if you're really good enough for me too. If I don't get down on my knees and thank the Sun for you right now, beg to be your wife, you're going to feel completely worthless, aren't you? If I reject you now, when our relationship is at its weakest point, you'll give into your self doubt at last and break."

Kael'thas shifted weight uneasily. "It's not that. It's just… you weren't here this morning—"

"And that made you upset. You panicked, didn't you? My armor and sword were gone, the room was a mess... You thought I left you for good, because you knew that you deserved it. And when they announced me just now, you acted quickly, made yourself prostrate before me. That is really what this is, Kael'thas. I own you, don't I?" Saturna lifted her chin. "I see now that I always have."

Good girl. Then Illidan started laughing at Kael'thas through their link.

Kael'thas really looked rattled then. Apparently, Illidan was laughing on his side too.

Why was it hard for her to laugh at Kael'thas too? Saturna knew that he couldn't help the way that he was. He'd lost absolutely everyone in his life and before that, he was such an awkward child… Saturna felt herself slipping. She reached through the link and Illidan let her have more of his Demon magic. The hate again welled up in her. She donned a confident smile.

"That is no way to speak to me, Saturna." Kael'thas fumbled. "Not when I love you so much."

Saturna had just realized as much herself, but made herself say, "Oh, but you can practically call me a whore, you can knock me around, you can leave me behind to distract and entertain your friend while you take the time to cover up your dealings with the Burning Legion in Tempest Keep?"

"Now, Saturna, I already apologized for that—"

"It should have never happened in the first place! You know what, Kael'thas, I'm not surprised at this at all, the way you've always treated me. You're terrified that you aren't attractive enough, that you're too damned lost here in Outland for anyone to really love you... I'm just shocked that you didn't go a step further and put the engagement ring on your penis, told me to suck it off if I wanted to win my future with you. You could have resolved all your pathetic insecurities at once!"

Oh, Starshine, I like you better this way.

Saturna finally smiled. Evidently, Kael'thas didn't think her capable of truly hurting him. He smiled uncomfortably, not realizing that she was laughing at his expense. Saturna wished she hadn't observed that vulnerability in him. What was she doing to him? She was bullying the man that she… once loved.

Kael'thas cleared his throat. "Well… the ring isn't really big enough for that, is it?"

"Ha! Don't flatter yourself."

That's when Kael'thas sat up. "What is wrong with you? You're like night and day with me! Everything was fine yesterday…Wait, are you wearing what I think you are? Did you think that I'd miss it, Saturna? It looks the same, but you're covered head to toe in Illidan's scales... Why!"

I tire of this. Get his soulstone already and bring him here.

"You asked about the lei line." Saturna lied smoothly with her new ability, "It erupted and my armor was damaged. Illidan had it reforged for me. He was generous, offered up his own Demon scales to mend the plate, and his black blood to forge it. Unless, you're telling me that you don't like the way that I look?"

A Sunfury blacksmith should have done it. Saturna saw Kael'thas struggle with whether or not he was going to ask her why she was getting such special treatment from Illidan.

"Well, I'm just glad that you're alright. And… you're beautiful as always." He said in a small voice and got up. He stood before her. He wanted to kiss her, she could tell. But Kael'thas was afraid. He didn't know if it was welcome or not. For the first time in their relationship, Kael'thas failed to take her aggressively. Saturna saw now that he always seized her so confidently because Kael'thas called on the Demon magic each and every time that he was with her. Kael'thas was still that nervous when it came to women. Could it be possible that deep down, he was the same bookworm she fell in love with? Was he still so fragile and in need of her? Saturna called more anger to banish those thoughts.

"I love you." Kael'thas winced. "I don't know what I need to do to fix this but… I just need you. I'm so sorry. I would do anything. I'm desperate… I'll admit at last that I'm desperate. Please, Saturna. You've showed me such kindness before. I didn't realize it before I met you. I was missing that in my life."

"And if I never show you kindness again, you will be lost, won't you?" she wrapped arms around his neck. "I could hurt you so badly that you would never again want for anything good or whole in life. Then you would go to the Burning Legion."

Kael'thas didn't like hearing this. Saturna found that she also enjoying torturing him less and less.

"But if I adored you, if I spoiled you rotten with love…" Saturna didn't want to finish this observation either. Where would that sort of future leave her? Between these two horrible men…

Awkwardly, Kael'thas kissed her. He was too careful, timid. The first kiss he ever gave her without the Demon magic. After all this time, how could they still have firsts? Was it because he was so upset that he forgot to use the power? Saturna ached for him, she couldn't fight the compassion she felt for the father of her lost son anymore. She wanted to love him and tell him the news, let him mourn with her as much as she wanted to hate Kael'thas and attack him for causing the tragedy. Crying, Saturna hugged Kael'thas back and welcomed him into her mouth. If she could protect him in this one way... she still wanted to protect him. It wasn't fair. Trying not to love Kael'thas hurt even more than hating him. She encouraged his kiss gently, let him know how much she cared for him so that he would feel safe enough to indulge. And then he did. Kael'thas inhaled gratefully and savored her lips. He slipped his tongue over hers when she let him in. He was asking and she was giving permission. For once, he was conscious of her feelings. He respected them because he did not have the Demon magic to cloud his consciousness…

Saturna pulled back. Suddenly, she understood why Kael'thas had done it, why he'd done everything.

She said, "You wear my armor… every day. Every single day of your life, for the last two years, you've been trapped inside of Illidan's overwhelming hate."

Kael'thas had been smiling. He wasn't now. "I can't ever come out, like I did just now. It hurts too much."

Saturna blinked back tears. And she was afraid to abandon Illidan's influence as well. Her true life was so painful. What would she be without it? A victim of rape, a mother in mourning. A woman who really wanted to kill the father of her lost child, rather than tell him what he did to her.

Saturna bowed her head. "But Kael'thas... it was alright. You were finally honest with me."

Kael'thas turned away, disgusted with his show of weakness before her. Saturna saw that he wanted to be a strong man for her as much as she had wanted to be a good mother for their son. And she knew what that kind of failure felt like.

When Saturna feared he would panic, lose himself to the sorrow clear on his face, Kael'thas went to the bed and got the ring box. Before her eyes, he called on Illidan's Demon magic again. She knew the look of that fast high because she could now do it herself.

Fierce again, Kael'thas just put the ring on Saturna's finger without asking.

"No speech?" Saturna resented it.

"I'd just ruin my chances even more than I already have." Kael'thas grunted.

Saturna flushed with anger. She wanted to take the damned thing back off and throw it in his face.

Are you falling for him again? You tread on thin ice, woman-pet. Why would Illidan even think that of her? She had just decided on the exact opposite. Hadn't he been reading her thoughts this entire time, like he did with Kael'thas?

"Kael'thas…" Saturna sighed with frustration and shook her head at him. But what could she say? She had to accept the ring because of Illidan. And how had she even found the strength to complain? Did that mean she wanted Kael'thas to propose to her, to do it properly? Saturna was very uncomfortable with this idea, that she could still love the man who was responsible for the death of her baby boy. Why, after everything, was she still drawn to loving him!

Saturna looked at the ring. A lone white fleck within the black diamond brightened until it shone like a star. Saturna raised her eyebrows. "Kael'thas, how did you get it to do that?" she gasped.

"Only when you wear that ring, will it shine like that. My astromancers and jewelcrafters worked themselves near to death on it over the last twenty-four hours, putting a real star inside of a stone. Why? Well… because you are my Starshine. When we talked about it last night, I realized that you don't really understand why I call you that. I'm no poet, and getting someone else to put it into words is just pathetic you know? Worse than using your friend's Demon magic to give you an edge with a woman," he admitted then, and looked angry at himself. "So, I used my own magic. That I can understand. I'd been kicking this theory around for a while... You should have seen them, my astromancers and jewelcrafters were excited about it the experiment at first. But then they wanted to kill me when I told them they had less than twenty four hours to fit the energy of a star within a small stone, turn it into a portable source of arcane magic."

Saturna looked at the ring and began to feel guilty. She desired more Demon magic to cover that but… it made her sick to think of wanting more now. Taking hate and Demon magic from Illidan truly was an addiction.

"Saturna, I need you to look into that stone, and wonder forever at how special you are. Therefore, I will never tell you exactly how it was done. Please enjoy the mystery, as I do. It's as close as I can come to… incarnating what I feel for you. Just… relief," he smiled in spite of himself. "At having found you. And wonder… awe that you find me worthy."

"I… don't know what to say?"

You try my patience.

"Then forget words. That's what I did, Saturna, when I couldn't think of a good way to propose to you." Kael'thas hugged her. He was still at a loss for words now. "I just want to make love to you. That is how we always made up, remember how we used to? At the end of the day? Let's not apologize to each other again, make promises we can't keep. I just want you back. Please, I'm begging you… let me have you back?"

Saturna bristled. The thought of sleeping with any man, ever again, made her feel sick. And she did not want to do it with Kael'thas, who'd hurt her too much. Especially not in that bed or this hateful room, not after everything…

You have no choice, Saturna. If my brother wants to play house with you now that you're newly engaged, if that is what it takes to distract him and ask for that soulstone, you are going to do it! You are going to be the best whore for Kael'thas that you have ever been. And don't tell me that you can't do it… I forced you to be with me, and now, slave, I am forcing you to be with him. I want that soulstone!

They got in the bed together. Kael'thas undressed her. Saturna tried to look anywhere but at him. The more submissive she appeared, the more confident Kael'thas became.

"We're going to be fine, you see?" he said, but wasn't sure.

"Get off of me…" Saturna whispered.

Kael'thas didn't hear her. He kept going. The sex made Saturna panic. It made her see Illidan. Kael'thas' breath was his breath on her shoulder. His trimmed nails like Illidan's black claws on her wrists… Hours ago, Illidan made Saturna heal herself after he raped her, to hide the evidence of the gruesome violation. But Saturna felt she could see the wounds opening again on her skin…

"I said GET OFF!" she punched Kael'thas in the face.

He sat up and stopped immediately, touched a finger to the blood at the corner of his mouth. Saturna's pulse raced. Hurting Kael'thas, attacking him… it felt good. Acting on her hate for him… the Demon magic deep within her surged. She could no longer hide that she wanted to hurt him.

Kael'thas took it the wrong way, and smiled devlishly. "It can be rough… if you really want it to be, Starshine."

Kael'thas raised her arms overhead, pressed them into the pillows. He used his Demon strength to get them in one hand... He nicked her with his teeth when he kissed her. No, it was happening all over again... Saturna let herself get angry. She didn't want sex with him, she didn't want to be with any man ever again after what Illidan did to her, and now Kael'thas was doing it too… Saturna screamed at him and hit him harder, but Kael'thas enjoyed it, flashed that sick smile... At last Saturna jammed her knee hard between his legs.

At last, Kael'thas realized that his Saturna truly hated him. While he cringed and grabbed himself, she crawled hastily out of the bed.

"You deserve worse!" she yelled at Kael'thas in a panic, and raced for the doors.

"Illidan, shut the HELL UP!" Kael'thas gasped for air, then finished, "Sometimes, I fucking hate him. It's not funny, you thousands-of-years-old impotent, demon-fucking sonofa—Where do you think you're going, Saturna?!"

Furious, Kael'thas raced after her and nearly slipped on the tiled floor. He spun around and grabbed her. Saturna fought him but he pinned her arms across her chest, lifted Saturna up off her feet.

"I hate you!" she cried. "Let me go, I don't want to be with you anymore, let me go. Take your ring back, I don't want it."

Kael'thas fell backward onto the bed with her so that he could brace her fall. Saturna really started fighting him when she realized why Kael'thas was being so careful, hurting himself to protect the baby. The child he ended.

"Why do I have to use my Demon strength to hold you down? You're not wearing the armor anymore!" Then he whispered harshly into Saturna's ear. "Where is my sweet, adorable fangirl… where is she, Saturna? What happened to us after last night…"

Saturna laughed like a madwoman. "Oh, I'm still your fangirl, aren't I? That's exactly why I was fool enough to come back here and be close to you, even if it was just to hurt you, rather than take the chance and run away. I'm such a fool! No, I haven't changed at all, have I? We can't escape who we are, it doesn't matter what happens…"

He softened. "Take what chance? Did someone threaten you? Saturna, you have to tell me what is going on. I want to help you, but everything I do is just making it worse. I'm not a mindreader. Please, love, what is it? I'm begging you to give me one last chance, to get this right."

"Our son… you killed him!"

Kael'thas froze. Saturna exhausted herself with lashing out, gave in to crying at last.

"No…"

"Yes! Yes you did. It's all your fault. Why weren't you here for me, I told you to protect me—"

Go ahead and tell him what I did to you. Tell him that you knew I was a full Demon already, that I confessed it to you and you said nothing. Tell him that you let me kiss you, many times, and then that I had you in his bed. Would you like to know what he will think of you then, you whore? Do you want to see what he is like when he gives into his rage? You've never seen it, but I have. I made him Saturna. Or worse, and I can feel in your heart, that you know this to be true… you will tell Kael'thas that I raped you and he will do nothing, for fear of me.

Saturna clawed her hands into Kael'thas' arms and begged for him to let her go, to end what they had, because she couldn't take it anymore. Warm tears trickled over her shoulder. They weren't hers.

What? Lost your confidence all of a sudden? You are afraid of me too, Saturna. That is why you are incapable of telling him. You know that Kael'thas would deny that I raped you, did something meriting him standing up to me once and for all. He'd rather blame you for it first. He is cruel and selfish. That is his way. Nor would he stand with you against me. He knows that I am stronger than him and that there would be no hope of winning. He would not be foolish enough to take that chance. No, knowing your true pain will not convince him, will it? Not when his people, not his son, not his beloved Saturna have all already failed to convince him.

"I want to die…" Saturna wailed into the sheets. "Please, just kill me."

"No, Starshine don't say that. Never say that. If not for me… if you truly don't want me, then at least for our son."

Saturna's breathing began to steady. "What did you say?"

"I don't know what horrible person started that rumor while I was gone… maybe the explosion of the lei line injured you, and people started to talk? And you don't have a physician capable of confirming it for you. But I can use the gift of my family line… our son is alive, and safe. Is that what was upsetting you?"

"But… that's impossible. Not after how… how can that be? Is he well, Kael'thas? Is he whole?"

He nodded against her shoulder. "He's perfect as always. I am so sorry that I put you through so much pain. But even if… it would have been an accident, something that was not your fault. It would have been out of everyone's hands. Damn that Lady Vashj and her rumor mill! How could anyone encourage you to believe that I did it, on purpose? By the Sun, I love you, and our son… I'd kill myself first."

"Don't say that."

You stupid little bitch. Now you want him to live, do you?

Saturna made a fist. She sent back through the link, and Illidan was surprised to sense her doing it when she wasn't supposed to be strong enough, Is that why you wanted me to kill myself this morning Illidan? Is that why you wanted to 'break me again?' Because you realized my son was still alive and that Kael'thas would tell me the truth? You know all along, and you wanted me to believe that it was all Kael'thas' fault! Then, after I committed suicide, my son really would be dead and you could resurrect me, remake me however you wanted and then I'd have no hope at all! Before you sought to use my love against me, and now my hate? All to guilt me into killing my child's father!

I will destroy you, as punishment. I will even get him to help me do it. Is that what you want? Don't doubt that I can, just for you to die in the worst possible way, Saturna Whiteblade. This is your one last chance. Listen to reason, punish him for me!

"Shh…" Kael'thas was trying to calm Saturna down. He didn't know how she'd changed. He didn't understand that her fury was at Illidan, not at their situation.

Kael'thas said, "You know what, I set this all in motion. I made you feel insecure about my wanting to be a father. Let's end that right now. We're long overdue for some parenting, aren't we? We never stopped to just enjoy it. Here, let's talk about more pleasant things like… well, what do you think he'll grow up to be? We could train him as a Bloodknight. Wouldn't you like that?"

Saturna covered her eyes. There was no hoping for the future, it didn't matter that Ilidan had lied to her about their son. Illidan had put her in an impossible situation because he was stronger than both of them. She was going to die, whether she killed Kael'thas, or he convinced Kael'thas to kill her in time. He'd already convinced Kael'thas to abuse his hate and Demon magic. It would only be a matter of time. In both cases, their son would perish.

Illidan was absolutely right when he said that Kael'thas would never stand with her against him, even if Illidan was twisting the truth as he had before. Saturna had seen it for herself. Kael'thas folded when he was finally forced to tell Illidan about their baby. And before she arrived at the Black Temple, he had accepted Illidan's Soul Link, his powers… Why had she not seen it before? The revelation shook Saturna to the core: Kael'thas, her Prince, was weak. Not just before women, but in every aspect of his life. He was smart enough to surround himself with powerful people, to change his personality so that his enemies could not see it right away. But deep down Kael'thas was desperate, still broken hearted and after losing his father, his friendships in the Alliance, and Quel'thalas. Illidan had known this all along, because he and Kael'thas were—whether Saturna liked it or understood it or not—friends. Illidan knew Kael'thas inside and out. Saturna now knew Kael'thas in the same way too. He still needed her, still needed the protection of a Bloodknight.

Saturna found her way back to the conversation, for his sake. "Yes, we could train our son to be a Bloodknight, if you wish."

Kael'thas nodded against her shoulder. Somehow, that idea comforted him. "He would be strong then, like his mother. No one would ever be able to stand against him, to tell him what to think or believe…"

Saturna drifted back to her important thoughts. Panicky Kael'thas hugged one arm and she rubbed her temple with her other hand as she thought.

Illidan had left her with only one way out, and that was to do as he said. Saturna could not bear to think of going against Illidan's will, and it wasn't just because of their link. She would not be able to survive that way, being torn between two men who needed desperately to love her or hate her. Both fully capable of manipulating her to one side or the other, making love to her and raping her together, both lying and telling the truth… it made Saturna's head ache, just thinking about how Kael'thas and Illidan could rip her apart, if she let them both have their way. Today, they nearly had. However, killing Kael'thas was not an option either, and learning what Illidan did to her could destroy Kael'thas as surely as would physically killing him with the Corrupted Ashbringer.

Saturna realized that she did share something with Illidan afterall. Clearly, Kael'thas also loved her desperately. If he ever found out that she betrayed him, even considered murdering him for Illidan who was still his best friend in this twisted Demon-warlock relationship, Kael'thas could completely give up on himself. Months ago in Nagrand, Kael'thas admitted to Saturna that he believed she was his last chance at finding love, at ever being happy. It wasn't just about romance, it was about having people in his life that he could trust, that loved him like family. If Kael'thas failed at this, he might stop fighting for those good relationships, stop trying to be a loving person who deserved them. Kael'thas would be crushed, would never dare trust anyone else ever again and give in to Illidan and his numbing Demon magic or the Burning Legion and their empty promises. Kael'thas would allow these terrible elements to have full sway over his life so that at the least, even if it was painful, he would live. All along, he'd just been trying to keep his head above the water, to survive.

Saturna decided that she had to find a way out of this. Killing herself, killing him were not the answers. Illidan had left her no choice though. Somehow, she would have to kill Kael'thas as well as save him, and then also save herself and their son… But all that was just impossible.

"…you could teach him your White Blade spell, Saturna." Kael'thas had resorted to filling in her anxious silence, "After everything I've been through, honestly, I don't think I want to encourage my son to become a warlock."

She turned and kissed Kael'thas' bare arm. "I…" she tried to feel the joy with him, while she worried about their future. Now she understood just how much he needed her strength and love. "Well, I could never pass it onto anyone."

"Are you sure? I mean… you're his mother. I'm no Bloodknight, but what's stopping you from just giving it to him? I mean, that's what the White Blade spell is anyway, right? Your manifested intent. And you two share blood. He is a part of you, flesh and soul, magic…"

"I… I never thought about it that way. I guess I could do it." She comforted him though it was hard to focus on something so technical right now.

The more Saturna thought through it, the more the truth became painfully obvious. Illidan had forced this situation before she or Kael'thas could, by moving out of his realm of influence, to Tempest Keep or Silvermoon. Now, no matter where they went, they would be stuck. Illidan had raped her and bonded himself to her. That was his insurance when he couldn't convince her to do it yesterday. There was just no she and Kael'thas could be together, because of Illidan. If one of them was to live free, someone was going to have to die...

"Starshine, are you alright? You've been so quiet."

Saturna gasped. "I've been thinking only of myself this entire time!"

"No, don't say that. You are the most kind, loving person I know."

"But I'm not perfect, Kael'thas. Neither are you. And that was never right, was it, for me to swear my loyalty to a person who isn't perfect. It wasn't fair for me, and clearly it wasn't fair to you. The pressure you've had to live with all your life! No wonder you did not want to take the throne."

He just held her tighter.

Kael'thas had been the sun in her sky, indeed. And to live your life so close to the sun… it was blinding.

"A fangirl… she fixates on a man as if he were a god. But that only hurts this person she loves, and it hurts her too, doesn't it?"

"I wouldn't know…"

"A woman, a real woman, and real love isn't so selfish. It knows when to hold back, doesn't it? Illidan was right. I have the mind of a child, but have been living in the body of a woman. No wonder you didn't take me seriously, or my men, and he didn't either, all this time… I even doubted my own strength. I need to start thinking about what needs to be done, not scheming a way to be with you. That will only hurt you in the end, won't it Kael'thas?"

"I'd kill for you, I don't care. You're not leaving me."

Saturna turned over and looked at him.

Kael'thas sighed. "Fine, alright, I know how that sounds. But you're scaring me. What is this problem you need to solve? Can't I help you?"

Saturna furrowed her brow in thought. "There must be a way…" All this time she had been fighting to keep her Bloodknight's oath, but her relationship with Kael'thas had clouded that goal, as her men correctly saw. No matter what, Kael'thas had to live, and he needed to be free from manipulation, whether it was by Illidan, or the Burning Legion. But that wasn't merely a matter of his physical location, living in either Tempest Keep or the Black Temple, or even Silvermoon City. What was stopping Kael'thas from returning to Silvermoon for the wrong reasons? If he went home and still kept those dangerous loyalties, he could hurt everyone. No, Kael'thas had a lesson to learn, or at least a good reason to never put faith in such monstrous people again. Not only must he live. He had to know, absolutely, that he was loved.

What are you thinking?

Saturna said back, So you can't tell what I'm thinking, can you Illidan? But our link is very similar to the one you have with Kael'thas and you know what he wants all the time. Saturna realized, It's because you never took the time to get to know me, isn't it? Since I got here, you've been plotting against me. You have access to my heart but you don't value it, not like Kael'thas does. It's like lashing about in a dark room for you. Illidan… could it be that you were wrong? Hate is not a more powerful magic than love. Had you cared about me at all, even in the slightest…you would not be lost right now.

That one oversight... it was a blessing. Illidan had not heard her plan, and she only just now realized what had to be done, and that she was the only one who could do it. She could do it well.

"…We could name him Anasterian. But… that carries a lot of weight, doesn't it? I mean, we should give our son at least a fighting chance, what with my bad personality and your obsessions—"

"Our son must be named Belorim." Saturna announced.

Kael'thas looked at her. "What? Name him for the Light? But why… you know that's not a very good name for a Bloodknight, or anyone who wields Light magic really. His spells will get all confused. You know, invoking the very name of that school of magic while he casts something could maybe turn him or his friends into—"

Saturna put a hand over Kael'thas' mouth. "You think I don't know that? Please… I need this. Just trust me." Then she narrowed her eyes at him. "If you love me, you will do this for me."

"You're manipulating my feelings for you. I warned you about that Saturna."

"I am going to use you, Kael'thas Sunstrider! You're not going to like it, it's not going to feel fair, but dammit, Kael'thas! You owe me! Am I wrong? Go ahead and dare tell me that I'm wrong, after everything you did to me… I'll fix you so fast you—"

Kael'thas winced. "Okay… Belorim it is. Our son, Belorim. Well, it's impossible for him to be a villain like his old dad, now, isn't it?"

"That's not funny, Kael'thas."

"Sorry."

You have failed me, Saturna Whiteblade.

No, Illidan. I have finally accepted that there is no way out of doing your will. I am going to die and Kael'thas will too. Maybe I even want this…if we leave this life together, then I can be with him at last. There can be peace for both our souls. I don't want to live, Illidan. You have broken me utterly and completely.

Good.

Saturna made herself come to grips with that grim reality. Whether she wanted to or not, she was going to die. There was no way that Illidan would allow her to live. Illidan could care less about her, he hated her because she divided Kael'thas' attention. It was Kael'thas Illidan loved, and only him. Therefore, there was no pleasing the Demon Lord, no winning him over with her guile, or even outsmarting him when he allowed himself no reason to trust her in the first place. But for her love of Kael'thas, Saturna had tried to see, to get to know Illidan. She was able to predict him... and in seeing Illidan for what he truly was at last, she knew absolutely, that he would not give her an inch.

Yes, there was a chance that she might still survive. There was a very good chance if things went exactly the way that Saturna planned. And, once Kael'thas and the baby were safe, she would try to live, for them. But Saturna knew she couldn't depend on that. She could not make her life a priority in this situation. If it ever came to that, she would have to 'die for her country'… Nathaniel Blaize had said that to her, hadn't he? But Saturna knew he didn't mean that exactly, for her to merely pick the way she was going to die. It was a basic military concept that many officers were aware of. Lady Liadrin had shared it with all of her Nexites as well: take control of desperate situations, make them your own. Always fight from a position of strength. And, if you must die, give your life in the most impactful way. Bloodknights, especially, were called to die from a position of strength.

Thinking like a fangirl now, worrying whether or not Kael'thas would appreciate her help, or even like her afterward was childish and irrelevant when so much more was at stake. Those thoughts would only hobble her careful efforts. It could cost her son's life, and the life of her Prince.

Kael'thas reached over and kissed Saturna's hand. "Are we finally made up then? I've learned my lesson. I will never, ever leave you alone and hurt you like that again."

Saturna knew that Kael'thas was trying, but this time was like all those others. Kael'thas had not seen fit to change his ways. Without her intervention, Kael'thas would one day fail himself and his people in the worst way possible. The last Sunstrider, the man she loved would fall because he would not have a way to escape his pain. And then the sun would never rise again for Quel'thalas.

Kael'thas' celebrity and her obsession had shrouded the truth from Saturna at the start. Even Illidan was able to see what to do in this desperate situation, when he no doubt cared about his friend, even in his twisted way. Convincing Kael'thas hadn't worked. Saturna was going to have to force him. She was a Bloodknight afterall, not a paladin. How many times had Lady Liadrin warned them not to think like mere servants of the Light? Salvation was not offered, timidly, by a mere girl who immediately took it back and said, 'but I won't risk your life to save your soul, if you really don't want me to Kael'thas. I want us to be friends forever...'

A grown woman, a mother, a Nexite and a Bloodknight would say, and Saturna did:

"I am going to kill for you, Kael'thas Sunstrider. I am going to drag you kicking and screaming to the end that you deserve, whether you want to be saved or not. I will do this because I have sworn to love you, as a Bloodknight, and as a wife… my love for you is eternal, Kael'thas. Never forget that."

Kael'thas went pale. He had no idea what to say to this.

Did you mean that? Illidan asked.

Yes, my Master. I will kill Kael'thas, as you bade me. All this time, I have been struggling with the how... I have chosen to love him instead of hate him, because that is easier for me. But the deed will be done regardless. Will that please you Lord Illidan?

Perhaps…

"Kael'thas, I need your soulstone too."

"Huh? But why?"

Saturna closed her eyes. She reached through the link with Illidan and called on his Demon magic. She felt him give in, loosen it for her. The magic came crashing through her, it overwhelmed her mind, threatened to stifle her careful plan. Saturna needed something else to control it, something stronger.

Love.

Saturna Whiteblade looked down on Kael'thas. It was the sort of look that could undo any man. Thus, he was undone.

"I want to see… if your soul is darker than the ring you gave me. Perhaps that his how you did it, trapping a star within the infinity of life itself? I doubt that's really a black diamond set in the eternium band. From what I remember from my studies," she tapped her chin, "only something like that could do it. Life surpasses all schools of magic, doesn't it Kael'thas? And, this is what you wanted, for me try and guess how my ring works? To enjoy the mystery of my love for you?"

She waited while Kael'thas conjured it. Then he shrugged and handed it to her.

Saturna knew that it was going to be the biggest mistake of his life. A hasty decision she was forcing him to make.

"Thank you, sunshine. I think I'll hold onto this and play with it later. Now, Illidan wants to see us. Are you ready?"

"Couldn't we just sleep in—"

"Absolutely not. He's going to explain to you about his transformation." Then she forced herself to add at the end, "That is what we were discussing last night and this morning. Or, did you forget that yesterday was his transformation date?"

"But… Why would Illidan tell you about that and not me?"

"Your old friend finally confided in me, Kael'thas. Isn't that wonderful? It's what you always wanted. Now, get up and get dressed, before the mother of your child—your fiancée—gets cross with you."

Kael'thas was overjoyed to be in her good graces again. He did exactly she told him.

Excellent performance, woman-pet. Good girl.

Oh, but Illidan, you've misjudged me. It's ironic really, since you were the one who took my innocence in the first place. I am not a girl anymore…