A/N: Despite my best intentions, I never got round to answering some of the shorter reviews from the last two chapters via PM, so I have posted mass replies for each of those chapters on the Reviews page, since the reviews I'm responding to raised points of general interest.
The next day was not a school day, so Brett and his mother spent the day engaged in their own affairs. That night, after they had dined and Brett had finished what homework he had for the weekend, he approached his mother and asked to hear more about her experience on Total Drama Island. Brett sat in his favorite chair, and his mother sat on the sofa. She took a few moments to collect her thoughts, and then she began to speak.[1]
The six girls perked up as one. Courtney said, "I think you have everyone's attention. You certainly have mine. Please, go on. And have a seat, if you like," she offered, motioning to a chair near the door.
Ezekiel sat down in the proffered chair, and continued. "Chris says there will be separate rooms for everyone, so you won't have to room with any of the guys. We wouldn't want anyone, er, talking about you, eh?"
"But isn't having people talk about us the whole point of being a celebrity?" Lindsay asked obliviously.
"Not in the way he means, Lindsiot," Heather informed the turnip-brained former blonde. The queen bee had been routinely calling her lackey "Lindsiot" (short for "Lindsay, you idiot" or "Lindsay, that idiot") for quite some time, and Lindsay still had not caught on. Indeed, some of the girls had begun to wonder if the uberbimbo would ever catch on. For now, though, they had more pressing concerns, such as getting the open spot on the reward excursion.
"So, what does he mean?" the microcephalic bombshell asked innocently.
"I'll give you an example," Heather answered. "We all know Gwen won't give Cody the time of day. Suppose a rumor got started that she had not only hooked up with him, but was actually screwing him. How do you think she would like that?"
Heather smiled smugly at how her dual-purpose explanation had not only enlightened Lindsay in terms the uberbimbo could understand, but also irritated Gwen. Doubly irritated Gwen, in fact, by not only planting a mental image the Goth would rather have been without, but also denying the fact that Gwen was usually civil to Cody. Indeed, Gwen would have been happy to call the science geek a friend if she but saw any sign he would be content with that.
Heather's smugness was short-lived. Lindsay, her eyes wide with shock and her mouth agape, turned to Gwen. "You're sleeping with Cory? In front of the cameras?"
The other girls, as well as Ezekiel, gave reactions ranging from eye rolls to facepalms. Heather said rhetorically, "It's like talking to an eggplant."
Hearing but not understanding, Lindsay utterly forgot about Gwen, Cody, and her shock of mere moments before. "Oh, I love eggplants," she began. "Especially when they're—"
"Focus, guys," Courtney interrupted hastily, determined to get the discussion back on track, "Let's get back to Zeke's offer."
"Yes, let's," Heather agreed. "So, Homesc—Zeke, what do you want for your spot?" The queen bee automatically assumed there would be a price.
"I'll leave that to you, eh?" Ezekiel replied equably. "I'll be happy to listen to offers, but I wasn't planning to just sell my spot to the highest bidder."
"So, how will you decide?" Katie asked.
Seeing that he had everyone's attention again, the farm boy laid out the details of his proposal.
"We'll use the Confession Cam. You'll each go into the confessional, and you'll tell me two things. First, tell me why I should choose you, assuming you want to go. Second, in case I don't choose you, tell me who I should choose, and why.
"I've also asked the other guys for their thoughts on who I should choose, and why; but I told them, and I'll tell you, that you'll be giving advice, not casting votes. Chris and I will go over the Confession Cam footage and make a decision."
"Why Chris?" Heather asked, automatically suspicious of anything connected with the host.
"He insisted," Ezekiel admitted. In truth, the prairie boy did not really mind Chris' meddling, for it would give him cover. If any of the passed-over girls got mad at him, he could say the host had overridden his choice.
"Sounds like a plan," Courtney agreed to a general murmur of assent from the other girls.
"Indeed it does," Heather seconded, with newfound respect for Ezekiel. Homeschool's playing the game harder than I thought,she would later tell the Confession Cam.He's liable to learn a lot about what people really think of each other. Well, if that's worth more to him than the challenge reward, I'll be happy to take his spot.
"One more thing," Ezekiel added, as he turned to go. "Don't take too long in the confessional. The boat leaves at sundown, and Chris said that if I haven't made a choice by then, the seat will go unused. He's apparently going with the guys to get pampered, too, as if he doesn't get enough of that already, and he 'won't allow a precious minute to be wasted', as he put it."
"That must be what he meant when he said the losers would be spending the next two days with Chef," Gwen surmised.
"Yeah, probably," Ezekiel agreed. "The guys are recording their thoughts now, but they should be done pretty soon."
After the farm boy departed, the girls began to chatter excitedly about this unlooked-for opportunity. Several spoke admiringly of how well Courtney seemed to be doing with her re-education project.
"If you don't choose me, although I can't imagine why you wouldn't, then you should choose Lindsay. She's been through a lot, with her hair and all."
Heather, who was the last girl to record her pitch in the confessional, turned the camera off and briefly sat in silence. She reflected that Katie, her other henchchick, had also been through a great deal, what with the trauma of separation from Sadie and having literally come back from the dead, but the queen bee dared not nominate her. First, Sadie's departure had not rendered Katie as pliant as Heather had hoped, so the Thin Twin needed to be kept on a short leash. Second and more worrisome was that, despite the colloquialism of losers being "sent home" when voted off, it was no secret that the losers were actually staying together, at an undisclosed location and under unknown conditions, so they would be available for the jury vote at the end.
Considering Chris' perverse sense of humor, Heather could well believe the losers might be staying at some fancy resort, perhaps even the place the campers had been led to believe would be the competition venue. Perhaps even the place where the boys were going for their challenge reward. Heather could not take the chance that Katie might have contact with any of the losers—especially Sadie—during the proverbial weekend getaway, lest Katie learn of Heather's role in Sadie's ouster; for if that happened, Heather's powerful but fragile alliance might collapse completely.
As for the other girls, Heather could not bear to nominate Gwen or Leshawna, for she regarded them as enemies—a feeling that was mutual, to put it mildly, at least in Leshawna's case. Heather had no quarrel with Courtney, but was concerned that Ezekiel and Miss Type A were getting too close. If they were not already allies, they might well become allies if Bible Boy gave Courtney his spot.
That left Lindsay as the safest and most palatable choice. If word got out that Heather had nominated her abused toady, and people began to think Heather actually cared about the uberbimbo, then so much the better.
Heather emerged from the confessional and told a waiting intern that she was done. The redshirt dashed off and, a few minutes later, the public address system squealed to life.
"Ezekiel, report to my trailer. McLean out."
When the prairie boy arrived at Chris' air-conditioned trailer, the host welcomed him eagerly. "I said it before, but it bears repeating: this was an awesome plan, dude. I can't wait to see those tapes, so let's get started. I've got gourmet popcorn, if you'd like some. Nothing but the best for me."
Especially if someone else is paying for it, Ezekiel thought, for it was no secret that Chris shamelessly milked his expense account for all it was worth; but the farm boy said only, "Thanks. Don't mind if I do."
It was, indeed, very good popcorn, as good as any Ezekiel had ever tasted. "Kettle corn, my favorite," he said.[2]
"I know, right?"
It was simplest to play the confessional spots in the order they were recorded, and Trent's happened to be first. The axboy said, "I've been waiting all this time to see Gwen again, and now I have to leave her again? Don't get me wrong, this trip sounds awesome, but there's one thing that would make it a lot better. I don't really have anything to offer you right now, but who knows about the future? If you pick Gwen, I'll seriously owe you one."
"I kind of figured he would say something like that," Chris ventured. "After all, reviving their triangle is the whole reason I brought him back. Something a little less predictable would have been nice, though."
The next spot was Cody's. The science geek said, "I was making real progress with Gwen, and now they had to bring Trent back? Don't get me wrong, he's a cool dude and I really have nothing against him, but this could ruin all my hard work. I was starting to make real progress. I know, people say nothing that happened at the dance really counts, but I doubt Ella could make people fall for each other for no reason. There had to be something there. I'm sure she was almost ready to move on.
"So, my options are to have Gwen here at camp, away from Trent, where she can spend two days building him up in her mind, or have her on the cruise with us, where maybe she'll see that Trent isn't as perfect as she thinks. That looks like my best chance at this point. So I nominate Gwen—and if you … just kind of mention in passing that I did, I'll owe you one."
"What happened between them at the dance?" Ezekiel asked.
"If you don't know, I'm not allowed to tell you," Chris demurred. "Manipulating you dudes to mine drama is one thing, but I can't go feeding you secrets. It wouldn't be good for ratings if people got the idea that we were trying to script things. That's what's so awesome about your idea. You invited everyone to spill the beans for you and gave them a reason to, with no future obligations on you. Power player move, dude."
Next came Duncan's pitch. The delinquent said, "You've got to pick Courtney, dude. We've all been voting together for our own purposes, but we've got the makings of a real alliance big enough to counter Heather's posse when the teams merge.
"And … I have to admit …" the delinquent added as he nervously scratched his head, "I'm into her, more than I really want to be, and more than is probably good for me, but I'm a sucker for forbidden fruit. What can I say?" Duncan regained his cocky demeanor and concluded, "She's hot, and it's fun making her show her dark side. So do it for your bro."
"Mr. Tough Guy's not so tough," Chris observed with a smirk. "This kind of soul-baring is just what I was hoping for. Funny, though, Courtney doesn't seem like his type."
"I think he realizes that she's not," Ezekiel surmised. "I like Duncan, as I'm sure you know, but I don't think pairing them up would be good for either of them, eh?"
"So, Mr. Relationship Counselor, do you have anyone in mind who would be a good match for Courtney?" Chris needled with a knowing air, for he could smell another triangle in the works.
"No, not really," the farm boy admitted.
"Whatever," Chris grumped. "On to the next." The host thought, Does he honestly not see it?
Next came D.J.'s spot. The gentle giant said, "I guess they're all deserving in their own ways, but I would choose Leshawna. I think the more time she can get away from Heather, the better off she'll be. Besides, she's probably the best company."
"Straight to the point," Ezekiel observed.
"A little too straight," Chris said with a note of irritation. "He left us hanging with that 'everyone is deserving' bit. How are they deserving, dude?"
"I'd have liked to know that, too," the farm boy admitted, "but I'll take what I can get."
"When you put it that way, I hear you. Next!"
Owen was the last of the boys. The man-mountain said, "Leshawna all the way, dude! We've got a two-day party ahead of us, and she's our best party girl. Besides, she could probably use some rehab from that whole Hungarian Cheese thing."
"Did you or Chef ever try that cheese sandwich?" Ezekiel asked.
"No, we didn't."
"Don't."
"Noted, dude. Time for the girls."
Gwen had been the first girl to record her thoughts. The Goth said, "Whoever you choose is going to owe you one, and we're getting into the part of the game where that's important. And here I am, just reunited with Trent, and he's leaving again. I know it's only for two days, but still. If you pick me so Trent and I can be together, you'll have two campers who owe you one." With a slight smile to take the sting out of her words, the Goth added, "And Trent better have told you the same thing."
"If you'd rather pick someone else, pretty much anyone but Heather is deserving. Yeah, she's been nicer to me lately, but I have the feeling she doesn't really mean it. I'm still afraid to turn my back on her, but whatever. If it were up to me, I'd choose Leshawna. I know, she's not the only one who's had a traumatic experience here, but hers is the most recent. Well, the original cheese incident isn't recent, but the flashback is." Gwen shuddered visibly at the memory of that eating challenge lowlight, and Ezekiel did not blame her one bit.
"Gwen nominates her buddy. Big surprise," Ezekiel observed.
"But she did tell us what she really thinks of Heather, so I'd call that a win," Chris countered.
"Yeah, I guess so. Who's up next? By the way, you were right. This really is great popcorn."
Leshawna's spot began to play. The homegirl said, "The guys have a two-day party ahead of them, and I'm the biggest, baddest party girl in camp! What other sister here can handle five boys?" she asked with a wink.
"But if not me, then my girl Gwen is the one you want. She and Trent need time together away from that scheming w… bitch, Heather." With a contrite air, the homegirl added, "Don't tell Dawn I almost called Heather a witch, okay? I didn't mean to insult witches, and that little redshirt is someone I'd trust with my back." Leshawna's expression turned odd, as if a thought had just occurred to her, and she added, "Actually, I didn't mean to insult dogs, either. Seriously, what can you call Heather that wouldn't insult the thing you're calling her?"
"Ooh, burn," Chris said admiringly.
Next came Lindsay's pitch. The formerly blonde bombshell said, "You should choose me because I'm the prettiest, so the other boys might get mad if you pick someone else. But if you do choose someone else, I think you should pick Helen. Sure, she calls me names and borrows my stuff without asking, but that's what BFFs are for. That's 'Best Female Friends', in case you didn't know. When she was afraid she might have to vote off someone in our alliance because Glenda had those invisibility idols and we didn't know if Chip would let her give one to Madonna, Hera said she would keep me over Kayla, so I know she's looking out for me, and I know she felt bad for Kayla. Some people think she's mean and bossy just because she knows how to play the game, but they don't know her the way Kellie and I do. Helga's not a bad person, she's just misunderstood. Of course, she wants what's best for her and her buddies, but doesn't everybody?"[3]
"Not a bad person, just misunderstood," Ezekiel repeated. "Lindsay's been saying that about Heather pretty much the whole summer, eh?"
"That she has," Chris agreed. "And like Lindsay said, Heather does know how to play the game, but that's never been a secret, either. Next batter."
The "next batter" was Katie. The stick girl said, "I'm not sure what I can say that you don't already know. Obviously, I'll owe you one if you choose me, but I'm fine with that because you've already proved that you wouldn't abuse it. I guess that probably sounds kind of weak, but like I said, I don't really know what else to tell you.
"If you choose someone else, Heather expects me to nominate her, and she nearly came right out and told me I had to, but I don't really get why. Sure, she's the captain of our alliance and she seems to know what she's doing, but I don't see how nominating her will help our alliance more than nominating my backup BFF, Lindsay. Besides, I don't see why we have to be gamebots about everything. It's not like peeps have to be in our alliance to be deserving. Leshawna's fun, Gwen's nicer than she wants people to think, not to mention that she'll get to be with her boyfriend if you choose her, and Courtney … well, I don't imagine I need to tell you about Courtney.
"So, I guess what I'm saying is, choose whoever you like best." Katie suddenly grinned impishly. "Or better yet, keep the girl you like best here in camp with you, and maybe you can get to know her better," she added with a wink.
Chris said, "And Katie basically punts."
"But she did make some good points, eh?" Ezekiel observed.
"I hear you. Whatever, this should be where it gets good."
Courtney's spot began to play. The onetime CIT said, "I deserve the spot because of what I've done for you. I talked the Muskie girls out of voting you off after the very first challenge, because I thought you deserved another chance. Granted, that didn't matter as things turned out, but that's beside the point. Then you helped me in the Awake-a-thon, and we've been informal allies ever since. If you choose someone else, though, I think you should choose Katie. She's probably been through more crap than anyone else here, and she's never really gotten over losing Sadie, so she could use something to take her mind off it."
"She's right," Ezekiel conceded. "I do owe her a lot, and I've told her that."
"You do and you have," Chris affirmed, "but it seems to me that you've given as good as you've gotten with her."
"True. I guess that's why she calls us informal allies. We're friends, and we usually vote together."
"In a game like this, that's all you need to be considered allies," Chris observed.
The last girl to record her confessional was Heather, as has been told of before. The queen bee said, "If you choose me, you can be an official member of my alliance. Just you and three hot chicks, how would you like that? Nobody else has a real alliance going, and we've also got someone who isn't actually in our alliance but who has been supporting us for his own reasons. That would give us five votes, so we should be able to cruise all the way to the Final Four. We can dump the adjunct when the time comes.
"On the other hand, turning me down wouldn't be a good idea, because most of the girls still don't like you very much. They haven't kicked you off because you were on the opposite team from them, but with the teams merging for the next challenge, their votes will be in play. I also happen to know that D.J. has been trying to get rid of you for weeks—why, I don't know and don't really care—so you need the 'safety in numbers' my alliance can give you.
"If you don't choose me, although I can't imagine why you wouldn't, then you should choose Lindsay. She's been through a lot, with her hair and all."
Ezekiel said, "That was a heck of a sales pitch."
"She's worried," Chris ventured. "I think she may have guessed what you're up to. She is supposed to be the genre-savvy strategist, after all."
"And even if she hasn't," Ezekiel surmised, "She's worried that I might get into a formal alliance with Duncan and Courtney. I'd be lying if I said that possibility hadn't crossed my mind—"
"And she's looking to improve her odds, which is what these elimination games are all about," Chris finished. "So, have you decided?"
"I've narrowed it down," replied the farm boy, "but there are a few things I need to think about."
"Knock yourself out, but don't take too long, and do your thinking somewhere else. I'm due for my afternoon massage."
"So you're going to let me make this decision myself?" Ezekiel asked, wary but hopeful.
"Never said I wouldn't," the host assured him. "I see plenty of drama potential no matter what you do, so I'm good. Besides, I just wanted to see their sales pitches."
Ezekiel quit the trailer and went to the nearby bonfire pit to contemplate his decision.
Who would you choose?
Ezekiel returned to the girls' cabin about an hour before sundown, and was welcomed warmly. All the girls had packed their bags just in case, lest they forget something whilst packing on short notice.
Bible Boy saw no reason to keep the girls in suspense longer than necessary. He said only, "Heather, your berth awaits."
Katie looked disappointed, but not unduly so. Gwen, by contrast, looked utterly crestfallen. Leshawna shook her head, whether in anger or dismay, for she suspected that her enemy had somehow played the naïve farm boy. Courtney congratulated Heather grudgingly, but Lindsay seemed genuinely happy for her liege.
Heather, ever the fashionista, had packed several bags on the premise that she could never know what she might need even for a short trip. She picked up two and nodded to the rest as she asked, "Zeke, would you mind helping me carry these to the boat?"
Ezekiel was happy to oblige, which surprised no one. He picked up the two largest suitcases with little apparent effort, for the rigors of farm life had made him strong, and said in his best "think nothing of it" tone, "Men are here."[4]
When they were out of eavesdropping range of the cabin, Heather said to her benefactor, "Smart call. You won't regret it."
"I'll bet he did regret it," Brett ventured.
"That does seem a reasonable supposition," his mother conceded. "But you wouldn't want me to spoil it."
"Of course not," Brett conceded in turn, "but there's something else bugging me about the eating challenge. Some of the campers' reactions seemed awfully over the top."
"And you suspect I was over-embellishing," his mother surmised. With a shake of her head, she explained, "I wish it were that simple. With Owen and the 'healthful' donut, and Leshawna and the sandwich—oh, God, that horrible cheese sandwich—there was some kind of trigger involved, and triggers can make even the most level-headed people come completely unglued. As for the fruitcake, hating fruitcake is such a cliché that some of us decided to ham it up for the camera. For those of us who couldn't finish it, the problem wasn't being grossed out—we weren't, really—but that it was so dense and so hard that we were physically unable to chew it up into bits small enough to swallow. I heard Cody cracked a tooth on it."
Brett's mother paused a few moments to collect her thoughts, and resumed her tale.
EPISODE #15: THE TALE OF THE LABORS
Original title: No Pain, No Game
As the sun neared the horizon and the yacht prepared to depart with Chris, Heather and the boys, Courtney went looking for Chef Hatchet. She found him in the lodge kitchen preparing a wholesome if unremarkable meal for the interns.
"Chef?"
"I'm not making dinner for you girls," Hatchet declared brusquely, anticipating Courtney's request. "Chris said the losing team goes hungry tonight, and hungry you're gonna go."
"What about Zeke?"
"He gave up his spot, so he doesn't get dinner, either."
"I know you're not supposed make a regular dinner for us, but if we managed to forage something in the woods or catch some fish or something, would you cook it for us?"
"You actually want me to cook for you?" Hatchet asked with an unpleasant smirk.
Courtney turned a little pale as she hastily replied, "I respectfully decline to answer that question on the grounds that either a 'yes' or a 'no' is liable to incriminate me."
Hatchet narrowed his eyes at Courtney and said, "Okay, your scheming has gotten you and your cronies on my bad side. So … the interns will eat in the lodge tonight instead of the Craft Services tent. When they're done, you girls and Homeschool will have to clean up here—the dining area and the kitchen."
Courtney started to protest, but Hatchet cut her off.
"I don't want none of your lip," he thundered. "You tried to manipulate me and you failed miserably, so you got yourself KP duty." Seeing that the lawyer-to-be was about to say more, Hatchet warned, "Not another word, unless you want to do it all yourself!"
As Courtney pouted, Hatchet dropped the other shoe. "Of course, it completely slipped my mind that making you clean the kitchen would give you access to the cooking gear. I'm sure you'll agree that anyone could have made that mistake, and I doubt Pretty Boy will pick up on it."
Courtney brightened, and a knowing smile spread across her well-tanned face. "Thanks, Chef. I knew I could count on you. We'll be discreet, and if we have to 'sing for our supper' so to speak, then so be it."
Hatchet gave a knowing little smile of his own and said, "Now get out of here. You have to find your own grub, and you don't have a lot of daylight left."
Courtney returned to the girls' cabin and told the others of the deal she had struck with Chris' scheming aide, but nothing would be gained by repeating it here. Although the girls were not happy about being drafted into a cleaning detail, they agreed that it was fair enough a price for getting a meal when Chris had decreed they should have none. Understanding the need to make haste while there was still enough light to find something dinner-worthy, the girls dispersed.
None of the girls knew Ezekiel's whereabouts, for he was not in the boys' cabin or the washroom. No one could suggest another likely place to look, so the girls could only hope he was out foraging on his own.
Courtney went to the boathouse, hoping to find some light netting, and spotted the farm boy returning from there. He clearly had a similar idea, for he was carrying some netting and was wearing fisherman's waders that presumably also came from the boathouse.
Courtney called, "Hey, Zeke!" and trotted up to him. "Looks like you've got a plan."
"Sort of," Ezekiel replied. "I figured net fishing on the lake would be the best bet for getting something to eat tonight. I'm not really sure what the best technique is, though. Back home, lakes are kind of scarce, eh?"
"I think I can help you there," the onetime CIT assured him. "Are there any more waders in the boathouse?"
"Yeah, I think so."
At the boathouse, the ex-teammates did indeed find a second pair of waders. They also found some sturdy poles, which Courtney attached to opposite sides of the net, and some large sinkers that she affixed to one of the net's open sides.
Courtney's plan was to trawl the lake bottom. She was mainly hoping to catch crayfish. Ezekiel suggested that leeches would also be worth having, for he had once eaten pan-fried leeches and found them tasty.[5]
With a bucket in hand to hold whatever they might catch, Courtney and Ezekiel trawled their way back toward the camp. Luck was with them, and by the time the light failed they had caught what they thought might be enough leeches and crayfish for everyone, as well as a frog or two. When they met up with the other girls at the lodge, they learned that Lindsay and Katie had found a bountiful bunch of blueberry bushes. Gwen and Leshawna had made a boathouse run of their own and borrowed fishing poles and bait. Gwen had struck out in their subsequent fishing expedition, but Leshawna had better luck and had caught a good-sized bass.
The campers went into the kitchen with the idea of boiling the lobster-like crayfish and pan-frying the fish and the leeches. This plan changed when they discovered that Hatchet had "accidentally" left parts of the pantry unsecured. Katie and Leshawna, who were the best cooks, devised a plan and shooed everyone else out. In the fullness of time, they presented to their comrades a spicy fisherman's stew, with blueberry pie for dessert. It was no gourmet dinner, but nobody was complaining.
Conversation flowed like wine, but it mainly concerned girl-oriented topics that Ezekiel had little knowledge of or little interest in or both, so the farm boy mostly remained silent. After dinner, the campers kept their end of the bargain with Chef Hatchet by cleaning the kitchen and the dining area before retiring to their cabins for the night.
Ezekiel detoured to the confessional before retiring. "I think the girls kind of forgot I was there, eh?" he told the Confession Cam. "Their gossip got really candid, and kind of brutal. I probably learned more from that than I did from their confessionals."
Breakfast the next morning was even less appetizing than usual, with visible foreign objects in the pancakes; but nobody complained, at least not to Chef's face, in deference to the rule bending he had done for them the night before. Ezekiel sat with the girls because there was no good reason for him to sit alone, and as the campers ate and talked, he offered a proposal.
"I've been thinking," he said. "We've got nothing on the schedule for two days until the others get back. Since all the other guys are gone, I think I'd like to go exploring, see more of the island, eh? I asked Chris, and he said they have all the equipment on hand that I'd need for an overnight trip. Backpack, bedroll, pup tent, cooking gear, all that."
"Knock yourself out," Gwen replied, for she did not really care what the homeschooled boy chose to do in his spare time.
"The thing is," Ezekiel explained, "Chef won't let me go alone. He said Chris doesn't want a lawsuit if I fall in a hole or something. I don't know why, but they don't seem to think I can take care of myself."
"Care to guess where this is going?" Katie whispered to Lindsay.
"I know, right?" Lindsay replied in the same conspiratorial whisper. "Sounds like Homework's finally going to ask Corin out."
"Think she'll accept?"
"I think she could do better, but she does seem to like him."
"Place your bets."
"As I recall," Gwen said, oblivious to the gossiping at the end of the table, "You used to doubt that we girls could take care of ourselves. Looks like the shoe's on the other foot now."
"Yeah, I guess so," the farm boy admitted. "But anyway, would any of you like to go with me?"
Leshawna looked skeptical. "One of us. Alone in the woods with you. Overnight. Don't you think you're moving a little fast?"
"It doesn't have to be just one of you. Besides, I won't lay a glove on you, cross my heart. My ma didn't raise no pervert, eh?"
"I think I'll pass, just the same," Leshawna replied. "I've never been a fan of roughing it."
"Ditto," Gwen said.
Lindsay said, "Sorry, Zero, but I'm not a wilderness gal. Besides, I can't pass up two days with just me and my budette and not having to do anything for Helga."
"What she said," Katie added, "except for the 'Zero' part. And the 'Helga' part."
Courtney, satisfied that she could now speak up without seeming too eager, said, "I think I'd like see more of the island, too. It might prove useful in a challenge down the road, and I know how to take care of myself in the wilderness because I used to be a CIT. I'll come with you, since no one else seems to want to. As for not laying a glove on me, I'll hold you to that."
"Thanks, Court," Ezekiel replied simply. Neither of them noticed Katie and Lindsay winking at each other.
After breakfast, Ezekiel told Chef Hatchet that he had a camping partner, and Hatchet assigned Alejandro to round up the equipment the explorers would need. After a stop at the kitchen, where Hatchet measured out the pair's provender, the adventurers briefly returned to their respective cabins to add clothing, toiletries and other personal effects to their backpacks.
When Ezekiel arrived at the girls' cabin to collect his partner, Courtney was ready. As the onetime CIT headed out the door, Katie called after them, "Have fun on your date!"
"It's not a date," Courtney and Ezekiel called back in unison.
Courtney exited the cabin, and she and Ezekiel were on their way. When they were out of earshot, Lindsay declared with a knowing air, "It's totally a date."
About an hour after the explorers departed, the yacht returned with a new batch of thirteen interns. As usual, these sacrifices to the Drama God were divided more or less evenly between men and women, much as the campers had originally been.
The reinforcements were necessary because, while no one had died between the arrival of Dawn and Ella's batch and Ella's "death", if you want to call it that, the injuries had continued apace. The most serious of these had been to Rodney. The big farmer's size and strength had made him one of the intern corps' go-to men when heavy lifting was required; and this, possibly combined with the well-meaning but misguided actions of a certain self-styled wizard, had been his downfall.
The interns had been building the corral for the Extreme Sports challenge when Leonard decided he could magically lighten the load of lumber Rodney had picked up. Something went wrong, and Rodney collapsed with his spine snapped like a twig. He now lay in traction in a Toronto hospital, falling in love with every pretty nurse and orderly who came into his room.
Fortunately, there was no sign of paralysis, and the big farmer's doctors were optimistic that he would eventually make a full recovery, but Leonard had been "scared straight". Although the interns' opinions were divided over whether he bore any fault (for having Dawn and Ella on the island had tempered their skepticism concerning matters supernatural) and no one suspected him of any but the best intentions, the wizard wannabe vowed to himself that he would work no more magic without the formal training Dawn had promised him—a promise to which he intended to hold her.
Chef Hatchet was normally in charge of intern assignments, as has been told of before, so he preferred to handle the orientation of new interns personally. As a result, the campers did not get lunch until mid-afternoon. After a suspiciously palatable "afternoon tea", the four girls remained in the lodge and talked. They speculated on what lay ahead, and on how Courtney and Ezekiel were faring on their expedition, but they mostly speculated on why Hatchet had given them decent food that was not part of a challenge reward. On this last, the girls eventually agreed that Chef was probably giving them a break because the competition was officially on hiatus until Chris, Heather and the boys returned. Breakfast had been the usual bill of un-fare, they surmised, because Hatchet needed to keep up appearances, or perhaps as a reminder that his indulgence was not to be sought lightly.
"Hey, campers, ready to blow off some steam?"
The four girls looked to the lodge entrance, where Sky stood in the doorway. She was leaning casually on the door jamb and effortlessly twirling a familiar foam rubber ball on one fingertip.
"We're welcoming some of the new interns with a little pickup dodgeball," the slim redshirt explained. "Ladies only, and we've got four open spots. Think you can take the heat?" she challenged in a tone that implied a serious loss of face if the campers declined.
"I'd love to," Katie admitted, "but won't Chris get mad?"
That was the cue for Chef Hatchet to step into the doorway. He wore a referee's uniform and held in one hand a roll of athletic tape that was presumably meant for Gwen.
"Chris isn't here," Ref Hatchet reminded them. "No Chris, no cameras, strictly off the record."
"In that case, count me in!" Leshawna bellowed enthusiastically. "The Lady of Pain is in the house!"
"Me, too," said Gwen, smiling in spite of herself. "My throwing arm isn't the one that's hurt."
"Me, three," added Lindsay. "Girls night out!"
Katie grinned expectantly. "You already know my answer. Captain of the Sophomore team back home."[6]
The next morning, Ezekiel started his day rather later than usual. Normally, the farm boy was up before the sun, even without Chris' efforts to weaken the campers' emotional control by disrupting their sleep patterns, but Courtney had set a grueling pace the day before. Ezekiel was used to working long, hard hours on his farm, but that did not necessarily impart exceptional skill in woodcraft, nor did it normally require hiking long distances over rough terrain, so his and Courtney's exploring had been taxing in a different way.
Nor were the demands only physical. Ezekiel had some knowledge of woodcraft, but generally only in those areas that were useful for farm life. Courtney's wilderness knowledge was broader, with a particular aptitude for orienteering, but that is another story for another time, and the onetime CIT had been doing her best to teach her simple but eager companion as much as she could in the short time they had.
They had camped not far from a waterfall, close enough to provide a ready source of water for their morning coffee and for the fall's white noise to help them sleep, but far enough away that unusual noises heralding possible danger might not be masked.
The previous day's exploration had apparently taken more out of Courtney than she had been willing to admit, for she was still sound asleep. Ezekiel did not try to wake her. Instead, he dressed as quietly as he might and went to fetch water. He suspected that she would be awake and have breakfast preparations underway by the time he returned.
Ezekiel's orienteering was a bit off, and he came to the river above the fall when he had meant to go to the large pool at the base. The river looked to be flowing fast enough that it might well rip his canteen from his hands if he tried to fill it there; so rather than tempt fate, he circled down to the pool.
As Ezekiel approached the pool, he heard a splash at the near shore. He scanned the area, but saw only a set of expanding ripples behind some reeds. Whatever had made the splash had sounded big. A pike, perhaps? The farm boy had learnt that those "water wolves" sometimes prowled the shallows. Perhaps it had caught something. No matter, he thought, for he did not see anything that looked dangerous.
Ezekiel came to the edge of the pool. After filling his and Courtney's canteens, he got down on his hands and knees to drink directly from the source, at a spot where the crystal-clear water was deep right up to the shore. He did not notice the pale form approaching just under the water's surface.
Suddenly, something grabbed him by his hoodless hoodie and, even as he drew breath to cry out, pulled him in.
The hour was growing late, so Brett's mother left off her tale and suggested that he prepare for bed.
NOTES:
[1] Apart from the short prologue, this chapter is the first to have no scenes based on canonical scenes.
[2] Kettle corn is popcorn that is both lightly salted and lightly sweetened.
[3] In the canonical episode, "That's Off the Chain!" Lindsay claims that she had frequently defended Heather to the other campers, but these defenses were never shown. In this reimagining, Lindsay's nomination of Heather is meant to be representative of those unseen canonical defenses.
[4] Saying, "men are here" as acknowledgement/assent when asked by a woman to do something requiring/displaying manly strength is a tongue in cheek mannerism the author picked up from a longtime friend, specifically Brett's namesake.
[5] The author is reliably informed that pan-fried leeches are indeed good eating.
[6] In other countries, dodgeball is not pigeonholed as a child's game the way it tends to be in the U.S. Although not stated in the story, Sadie is implied to be on the same school dodgeball team as Katie, and whether this is the cause or the effect of their working so well together during the dodgeball challenge is left for the reader to decide. Whereas Katie is their team's captain, Sadie comes off the bench because her physical condition limits her stamina and therefore her playing time.
ELIMINATION HISTORY:
Harold (Muskies): Eaten by sharks. (Beth reprieved after being voted off)
*Owen (Eagles): Believed to have cost his team the challenge when he gassed Gwen and Trent
*Trent (Eagles): Blindsided by Heather and Cody. Heather wanted to hurt Gwen, and Cody wanted to get a romantic rival out of the way.
Bridgette (Muskies): Injured Courtney and was believed to have indirectly cost her team the challenge as a result
Geoff (Muskies): Too distractible for his team's liking. Lost the tiebreaker.
Justin (Eagles): Wimped out of his phobia test, and got the girls mad at him when they heard how badly he dissed Beth
Izzy (Muskies): The RCMP came for her after she set off a nuclear bomb, so she fled. (Courtney reprieved after being voted off)
Sadie (Eagles): Backstabbed by Heather and Cody. Heather saw her as a potential betrayal threat, and Cody saw her as an obstacle to Noah hooking up with Katie.
Noah (Eagles): Injured and not expected to recover before the merge. His shorthanded team didn't want to risk trying to carry a nonperformer.
Eva (Muskies): Her temper got the better of her once too often.
Beth (Muskies): Enabled underage drinking at the boot camp party, so when her team lost the challenge, Chris coerced her teammates into voting her off.
Tyler (Muskies): Performed poorly in the challenge. Implied to be on the wrong side of a majority alliance.
REMAINING BOYS (6): Cody, D.J., Duncan, Ezekiel, Owen*, Trent*
REMAINING GIRLS (6): Courtney, Gwen, Heather, Katie, Leshawna, Lindsay
* Returned at "halftime", a.k.a. the eating challenge
INTERN UPDATE:
Original intern corps: Alejandro, Anne Maria, B, Brick, Cameron, Jo, Lightning, Scott, Staci + 4 others
Pregame: unidentified intern dies (eaten by sharks)
Episode 2: unidentified intern dies (mauled by bear)
Episode 4 pregame: two unidentified interns die (construction accident)
Episode 5 pregame: Rodney, Shawn + 11 others arrive
Episode 5: Anne Maria + unidentified intern die (burned to death fighting the amphitheatre fire)
Episode 6 pregame: two unidentified interns allegedly die (mauled by bears). It is unclear whether they really died or were even attacked at all, or whether Chris was just playing mind games during the challenge briefing.
Episode 8 pregame ("The Boney Island Massacre"): Jo dies (killed by giant beavers, essentially rodent versions of bears); Lightning + several unidentified interns die (rockslide)
Episode 10 pregame: Beardo, Carrie, Dave, Dawn, Ella, Leonard, Scarlett, Sky + 5 others arrive
Episode 12: Cameron's earlier death mentioned (cause not stated, but implied to have been violent)
Episode 13 pregame: Rodney injured, out for the season
Episode 13: Ella dies, sort of (natural causes)
Episode 15: 13 new interns arrive, no names mentioned yet
NOTE: Additional intern deaths and injuries not mentioned in the narrative should be assumed.
Confirmed dead (4): Anne Maria, Cameron, Jo, Lightning
Presumably dead (1): Brick
Define "dead" (1): Ella
Status uncertain (1): Staci
Presumably alive (7): B, Beardo, Carrie, Dave, Leonard, Scott, Shawn
Confirmed alive (5): Alejandro, Dawn, Rodney (injured), Scarlett, Sky
A/N: Oh, dear, what's to become of Ezekiel? Does a watery grave await—or worse, something's digestive tract? Will Courtney show up and try to rescue him? If she does, will she succeed? If you have any thoughts on this or other developments, don't be shy—that's what the Reviews page is for.
Since the last chapter, this story has reached the front page for most-followed, based on the All Ratings filter. It has also reached the second page of most-favorited, which is no less impressive because in that category it's competing against all the fandom's long-finished classics, most of which amassed their totals when the fandom was more active than it is now. I can't thank you all enough for your support.
Sigh, another six-month interval for a new chapter. I really need to step it up if I want to finish this story before most of my readers have lost interest in Total Drama. To make matters worse, I came fairly near to having this chapter ready on schedule, although it would have been significantly shorter than it wound up becoming, but various things just kept pushing it back. In addition to the usual suspects—seasonal sports photography, the holidays, writer's block, inexcusable sloth—I also had to deal with a couple of extraordinary obstacles at inopportune times. These included my father passing away (he was 91) and a bout of shingles, which affected my vision due to swelling around my stronger eye.
The next chapter should get into the Labors of Heracles challenge; and since I have the course and events of that challenge fairly well fleshed out, I'm optimistic that I can get it finished in a timely manner. As I mentioned previously, this challenge will feature a phalanx of cameos, including some of the newest intern batch. (Who would you like to see?) The challenge is relatively elaborate—I have to describe at least one camper performing or trying to perform each of the twelve Labors, with most campers performing more than one—so it will probably span two chapters.