Author's Note:
Err, I'm deciding not to reply to reviews anymore because I realize I tend to babble and ramble a lot and it's a risk for me revealing spoilers about the story. I am so deeply sorry but do know that I appreciate each and every one of your reviews, everyone's. It also makes the word count of the chapter extremely high haha and I know it scares so people or it scares my friend. She was shocked when she saw I'd hit 11,000 words, wow. Anyways, if you want me to respond, feel free to call out but overall I won't respond anymore, I'm sorry. I hope you don't take offense to that...err, yea. Anyways, thank you so much for the continuous support, you don't know what your support means to me. Thank you! Now I hope you enjoy my story xD
Chapter 26 – The Noble House of Black
~ They were already dead, but death has denied them.
That year's holiday vacation had been the best one Nymphadora Tonks had ever had—and that was a big deal for a young woman who always wore a smile and vibrant pink hair. Every morning of that winter vacation, Tonks would wake up in the arms of her lover, warm and comfortable while snow continued to fall and fleck the window from the outside in the icy winter air. While the weather had dropped below freezing outside, inside was a completely different story. In front of Remus, Tonks still blushed and become flustered, as did Remus. The room's temperature often became too high and more than usual did Remus and Tonks have to get outside into the glacial air to cool themselves down.
When her holiday break from work was over, Tonks found herself wishing time would rewind itself and she'd never have to go to work. She'd gotten too used to quiet mornings beside the fire, mellow afternoons and subtle jokes, and fireside evenings with heated passion upon an old but comfy mattress. Nevertheless, it seemed all good things must come to an end.
"Will you be with Sirius in the coffee shop today?" Tonks asked as she slipped on a ruby red collar shirt and rolled her sleeves up to her elbows.
Remus came up from behind, her long black auror robes in his hands. "I'll be there with him all day," he replied as he helped Tonks into her knee length robes. "Then I'll be joining you for dinner over at Andromeda's house…if you don't mind of course," Remus smiled.
"Silly. Why would I mind?" she replied as she picked up a black beaded choker from the closet beside the mirror and examined it. Tonks made a face and sighed as she was about to put it on. Remus suddenly took the beautiful piece of jewelry from her hands and stepped behind her, putting it on for her.
"Why do you seem so down?" he asked gently from behind.
"I really don't want to go to work today," Tonks confessed. "When I signed up to become an auror, I expected to have to run around in exciting cases capturing dark wizards, not guard some hellish prison with a bunch of soul-sucking demons."
Gently, Remus straightened out her bubblegum pink hair. He then wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, gazing at their reflection in the standing mirror with a smile. "An auror's duty is to protect people. Your reason for being in Azkaban is to prevent the dementors from taking advantage of their duties and kissing the prisoners there. Despite them being heartless criminals, you still should protect them," he said in a velvet-like voice.
Feeling completely at ease with expressing herself in front of him, Tonks pouted and leaned back into his embrace. "Dementors ruin my day," she said.
"I promise I'll cheer you up," he said.
A smile crossed her lips. "And how will you do that?"
"I'll think of something."
"You haven't even thought of what to do."
"Spontaneity is very romantic you know."
"You're the sweetest man on the face of the Earth, did you know that?" she asked.
"I'm not," he sighed, smiling wistfully. Remus' eyes fell upon the jagged scar he'd caused himself upon his face, gazing at it through his reflection in the mirror. "I am simply trying to be less of the monster—"
"Keep talking and I'll hex you into next week," Tonks cut him off immediately.
He chuckled rather wryly.
Sighing, Tonks asked, "When's the next moon?" Instantly, she already knew the answer.
"The sixteenth of this month," he answered.
"It's the third, so you still have thirteen days until she comes," said Tonks. "Don't become upset by the moon too early, love." She turned around and placed a gentle kiss upon his lips, then spun around again to gaze at their image in the mirror, smiling. "You are not a monster, and I'll say it a thousand times more if you want me to."
"Don't," he said. "You'll be late."
Tonks rolled her eyes. "Prat," she said.
"Thank you," he chuckled, picking up her wand from the bookshelf beside them and sticking it into her hoister inside her black work robes.
"I don't think pink is the color for today," she said suddenly while examining herself in the mirror. Tonks picked up a strand of her long pink hair and made a face. She then screwed up her face for a moment, looking as if she was in pain. In the next moment, the pink hair had been replaced with deep sapphire blue hair, wavy and long. "I'm feeling blue today," she smiled.
Another kiss upon her lips and Remus was forced to bid her goodbye for the day. He smiled as he walked her out of his small but homely flat and out onto the street in front of his building. Holding hands, they walked for a bit longer until they reached a small alley where Tonks stepped in and within an instant she vanished with a faint pop.
"I bloody hate Azkaban." That was the first thing Tonks said upon her arrival.
Arriving by portkey, Tonks was now standing in the middle of Azkaban Prison. She was joined by Dawlish, resuming his guard duty in the prison, and Proudfoot, there because he'd accidentally offended Dolores Umbridge in the brief moment he saw her returning to her office. Tonks was friendly with him—he called Umbridge an unreasonable twat.
Azkaban Prison was a gigantic stone ziggurat protected and bound by powerful magic preventing escape. The prison was of a weird architectural design that made the layout of the place incomprehensible and utterly confusing. It was also rigged with about a million defensive spells and looming, cloaked dementors. The entire prison seemed to be held up by magic, because the stone walls were cracking and peeling and the conditions were terrible. Standing there, Tonks suddenly felt as cold as ice and she could often feel icy gusts of air sweep her by. The prison was dreary and eerie, its walls echoing with either deafening silence or cruel, terrifying shrieks. The lights were dim and it felt drafty. With dementors looming at every turn, the prison seemed more like a living nightmare than a place for remorse.
Tonks shivered. "How can you stand being here all day? It's fucking terrible."
"It's better not to complain. You're going to be stuck guarding this place for a long while," said Dawlish, being more acquainted with Azkaban and its workings than them.
"Whatever," Tonks grumbled. "Thanks Dawlish. Now, where do I go to guard?"
"Cell Block 13," he said. "Follow the signs and it'll lead you straight there. Oh and summon a patronus by the way. The dementors tend to feed on…visitors as well. They don't get much happy thoughts around here."
She was alone now. Tonks pulled tighter on her robes that suddenly felt too thin. The vapors of her ghostly breath could be seen as she looked around. When Tonks found the signs leading her to the individual cell blocks, she suddenly grumbled to herself.
"No bloody elevators. This is really a god forsaken place. I'll be damned if I have to come here again tomorrow." She shook her head and continued walking. "Expecto Patronum," she said, and an ethereal form of a ferret suddenly appeared from the tip of her wand. Her playful ferret danced around her as Tonks began ascending the stairs one by one, cursing every so often.
Dementors would often swoop down on her, attempting to break though her ferret patronus. Some would be cloaked and hooded, showing nothing but black and darkness. Others, the ones Tonks hated most, showed her their true face, if one could call that a face. Their hoods would be off and their face was like a skull wrapped in grey, decaying bandages. They'd try to suck out all her happy memories, but luckily her ferret would fight them off.
"I hate my life," Tonks mumbled. "I hate Fudge. I hate Scrimgeour. Stupid wankers…"
After climbing thirteen winding and endless flight of stairs, Tonks finally got to her station. Luckily it'd instructed that auror guards were to go to a certain station where they could see up and down the cell block without much further walking—Tonks didn't know how much more she could walk. She was grumpy and angry, and it wasn't even noon yet.
She'd been to Azkaban before, but only to interrogate and it never was that bad. She never had time before to walk around and truly take in the horrid states of all the prisoners. That day, she seemed to have all the time in the world. And so, she walked up and down the cell block, gazing at those familiar faces which were barely recognizable after so much intense aging and stress caused by the mere state of the prison alone. As she continued to watch, her mood worsened and worsened.
Being alone in Cell Block 13 made her feel depressed. There was no one else there, no one sane that is. She wasn't alone technically. Tonks was surrounded by about a hundred, maybe a thousand prisoners lined up and down the cell block. They all were completely mad and she didn't mean it in any joking manner. Some of them were rocking back and forth on the floor. Some were in fetal position. Some were crawled up in the corner, their eyes staring blankly at the ground as if their soul had already been sucked out. And some were laughing like mad, laughing with a mental and psychotic undertow that unhinged many people.
Up and down her cell block, Tonks saw many familiar faces. Most of them had been on wanted posters, but now their state was so much different. They were more deteriorated, half-dead almost. They were already dead, but death has denied them. Looking at them, for a moment Tonks felt sad and pity. It was cruel there in Azkaban. She cringed when she saw dementors feeding. Tonks had to put her auror mask on and shake herself free before she could continue walking again, looking around. She wasn't going to stand in one place all day.
"Alecto Carrow," Tonks gasped, looking at the woman rocking back and forth in the middle of the cell. She recognized her. Carrow was one of the Death Eaters Moody and she had caught together during training. It had been a long, harsh mission. Looking into her eyes, Tonks felt that Alecto Carrow was gone. There was only a shell.
A little bit down the cell block, Tonks heard a familiar squeaking. She looked into one cell and found Peter Pettigrew, cowering behind two dementors. She hadn't seen him the last time she came while interrogating Rosier. Pettigrew seemed to be crying as they were swooping down on him, sucking out all the happy memories that came to his mind.
She stood there and watched for a moment. Tonks felt conflicted. Suddenly, without thinking she directed her ferret patronus over to Pettigrew, pushing the two dementors away from him, releasing him from the torture for a little while. Tonks sighed. Pettigrew deserved it more than anyone. He had framed her cousin. But Tonks still couldn't forget how sometimes Remus and Sirius would grow sad when they spoke of their Marauder days at Hogwarts and mention Pettigrew. He'd once been their friend.
Pettigrew whimpered again, but he saw Tonks. He recognized her. Whether it was the unforgettable face or the colorful hair (sapphire blue then), Tonks didn't know, but Pettigrew crawled over to her. He didn't say anything; he only looked at her with teary, remorseful eyes.
"That's because you'd been Remus and Sirius' friend at one point in time," Tonks told him. "But you deserve this place." And with that, she walked away, continuing down the block.
She kept on walking, her footsteps probably sounding like thunder to the prisoners. Dementors continued to swoop down, decaying and being the tangible form of death, and every time she saw them feed Tonks would cringe. She was ashamed to call herself an auror. But then Tonks reminded herself that she was only human after all, and Azkaban was inhumane.
Her breath hitched and she suddenly froze when her wandering green eyes fell upon a quiet cell, tucked away at the end of the cell block. It was an empty cell. There were no dementors there. There was no one in there. But looking inside, Tonks knew there had once been someone there, and looking on the walls, she felt stinging tears prick her eyes.
"Sirius," Tonks breathed, looking inside. It was his cell, his now empty cell.
There were writings, more like words carved on the walls by nails or something sharp and hard. Tonks hoped it was the latter and wasn't nails. She closed her eyes for a moment, pushing back all the tears. On the walls, she could see tallies. It was as if Sirius was keeping track of the days. She counted them. They were all grouped together by tens and hundreds anyways. There were 4383 tallies…4383 days. Sirius had been there for so long. A little bit left of the tallies were names and words and dates. The words were faded, but Tonks could still make them out to be legible. Sirius hadn't lost his mind, and so his words still made some sense.
Sobs broke out from her, unrestrained. Tonks' vision was blurred and for a moment, her patronus was lost. The dementors didn't swoop down on her though, she wasn't thinking about any happy thoughts. Tonks allowed herself to let the tears out for a few seconds. Sirius had been through too much. Once she was done and her tears were wiped away, Tonks summoned her patronus back, and mentally reminded herself to be nicer to her lanky, obnoxious, sometimes stupid but still caring and loving cousin.
Tonks suddenly jumped when she heard a low cackle sound behind her. The cackle was mad, unhinged long ago, and eerily familiar. Her hair had dropped to mousy brown, making her look more like her mother than ever before, especially with her eyes stained with tears. Slowly, Tonks turned around. She was scared, because she recognized that insane laugh.
Lucid green eyes met with deranged black eyes, the same ones she'd seen in her childhood and nightmares. That laughter was unforgettable. That face, which looked so much like her own, was like a dark side of the mirror. Tonks was looking at a woman with wild, untamed, curly black hair. She was once an extraordinarily beautiful and glamorous woman, but now she'd deteriorated. There was a dilapidated quality to her. Her jaw was strong but her face was boney. She looked like a skeleton in some angles. The woman looked so much like her mother, and her eyes were so much like Sirius and Alexis'. Tonks was looking at Bellatrix Lestrange, face to face.
"Shut up!" Tonks choked out but paused when insanity disappeared from Bellatrix's face.
The insanity had left her for a moment, and what replaced the insanity was something Tonks had never seen on the woman—it was longing. Bellatrix's eyes grew soft. She wasn't the devil like Tonks had remembered her as, nor was she the weak and empty shell Tonks had seen from her previous trips there. Bellatrix frowned and weakly, she muttered a single word that unhinged Tonks' previous thoughts and beliefs about the woman that was her aunt.
"Andy?" said Bellatrix in a teary voice.
Tonks was taken by surprise. She had to discreetly pinch herself and bite her tongue to make sure she wasn't dreaming or she was still sane and very much alive. She stood there, stunned frozen as she looked at a completely human, completely helpless Bellatrix Lestrange. Her heart ached for the woman, in the middle of a cold Azkaban cell.
"Andy…is that you?" Bellatrix asked. Tonks could see her push something away at the palm of her hand. It was a cloth rose, ones Tonks often saw at her mothers. Her mother always made them, for reasons Tonks never knew. She said it calmed her—making them. The cloth rose at Bellatrix's palm was almost identical to Andromeda Tonks'. However, it was made of torn and tattered prison robes as opposed to Andromeda's silky, velvet cloth. And when Bellatrix pushed the rose away, it fell apart because there was no pin to hold it in place.
It took Tonks a long time to recover from her initial shock. Bellatrix Lestrange actually seemed human. Tonks had to look again to make sure the woman inside the cell was really Bellatrix. She was calling Tonks' mother by her most hated nickname, longingly. She looked at the woman, the evil, psychotic, nightmarish witch that so many feared. Tonks saw Bellatrix Lestrange. But then…she also saw her aunt, Bella Black. And because they were kin in one way or another, Tonks felt her heart ache for her.
"I'm not Andromeda," said Tonks finally after so long.
She then morphed her hair back to her usual shade of pink. It was so unfitting for the dark and dreary prison, but it had to be pink because she was Nymphadora Tonks. Bellatrix pulled back a bit…but her eyes were still soft. A small smile fell upon her face, but it wasn't a mad smile. It was a smile that was a lot like Andromeda's smile whenever Tonks did something to make her happy or proud. It was a comforting smile Tonks knew. But it wasn't on her mother's face. It wasn't even on Alexis or Sirius' face. It was on Bellatrix Lestrange's face.
"Nymphadora," Bellatrix said in a soft voice.
Tonks was surprised. She nodded. "You remember me?"
Bellatrix nodded, and for a moment Tonks saw a glint of something in her eyes, something good; something kind and warm. But it was only for a second, and then it was gone. The soft, comforting smile turned mad and unhinged. And Bellatrix's mask of insanity was put back on again. Tonks lingered in that moment, wondering what would be different if Bellatrix's mask of insanity and evil was off forever. But she didn't have much time to wonder, because soon she was being screamed at.
"Nymphadora," Bellatrix cackled. "Metamorphmagus freak! You filthy half-blood! Disgrace the name of Black! You're a disgrace to the Noble House of Black! Half-breed! Filthy half-blood!" Bellatrix shrieked.
The shrieking continued, but it didn't bother Tonks as much as it normally did. Sure the ringing in her ear from Bellatrix's screams was rather annoying, but Tonks' blood wasn't boiling. Tonks at first wondered why, but then she thought it was probably because she'd seen a more human side of Bellatrix just seconds before that.
So instead of screaming back at the woman to shut up, Tonks simply ignored her.
Tonks returned to her station to stand, ignoring the screams and insults that Bellatrix was throwing at her. In Tonks' mind, she kept replaying a bunch of memories. She replayed memories of Bellatrix torturing her mother in her childhood. She replayed her image of how Bellatrix had killed Lexi's mother and Lexi's father, Bellatrix's own brother. Tonks replayed images of Bellatrix being the evil, psychotic, and deranged witch with a fetish with the Torture Curse, the woman whom everyone feared. But then, her thoughts would be interrupted with the image of Bellatrix longingly calling her mother's name, and Bellatrix's glint of love behind her mysterious eyes. Soon, the image of Bellatrix Lestrange, pushing a familiar and symbolic cloth rose away as she very longingly called Andromeda's name refused to leave Tonks' mind.
By the time her guard shift ended, Tonks felt like she was about to cry. She wanted to crawl into her bed and cry for an eternity after her visit to Azkaban. The prison wasn't scary. So many thought it was scary because of all the criminals there. But it wasn't. It was nightmarish, but not scary. Azkaban Prison was sad and depressing. The anguished screams that sounded every minute, the terrifying shrieks, the longing calls, the empty shells, the dried up tears, it was all sad. Even for criminals, Tonks found that it was just cruel.
She came by portkey back to the auror office, staggering slightly as she tried to balance herself after a rough landing. Once straightened, she tried to force away all the drear and woes that she'd dragged back from Azkaban. She morphed her hair into a shade of electric blue and put on a faux grin—the grin of the Blacks which she'd made her own. Then once Tonks was ready, she left the small office where she arrived and headed for her cubicle, ready to go home. Tonks walked with a Black-like hauteur on her face, masking everything she felt behind it—she was more like them than she'd ever care to admit.
Following her plans for that day, Tonks left the Ministry from one of the gilded mantels in the Atrium, disappearing in a fiery storm of emerald flames. She heard a whoosh as the image of the Ministry vanished from her sight. A feeling of freedom escalated through her when she felt the strange sensation of traveling through the floo network. Tonks personally enjoyed the ride process of flooing—she only hated the landing part.
CRASH!
As expected, Tonks slid out from her parents' chimney, completely botching up the landing process of floo traveling and falling onto the ground, sending up a cloud of thick grey dust and ashes in the process. Coughing and gasping for rattling and dry breaths of air, Tonks flailed her arms in all direction, feebly attempting to clear up the cloud of dust.
"Evanesco," a gentle, velvet-like voice called.
Remus' face was suddenly visible and the cloud of smog cleared up around Tonks, vanishing by magic. Smiling softly, Remus reached down and helped Tonks up, much to her relief. Once Tonks was stable on her feet, she looked around to see that she'd caused quite an intrusion on the quiet atmosphere. Alexis was seated on the violet armchair closest to the fireplace, her favorite as a child, her feet up and eyes popping in shook. Sirius was on the ground, a plate of biscuits still rolling around beside him as he stared at Tonks. Silvia's wand was out, standing beside Andromeda and Ted who both looked stunned.
"Um…wotcher," said Tonks faintly.
Suddenly, everything began moving in quick motion again. Alexis bounced off the armchair to help Sirius clean up the biscuits. Silvia rushed into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, Remus helped Tonks over to the armchair Alexis had been occupying, and both Ted and Andromeda suffocated Tonks with worried questions and gazes.
"Nymphadora, dear, are you alright?" Andromeda asked while Ted said, "Dora, you're so pale." Remus stood on the side, biting his lips nervously as he looked at her pallid state. It was difficult for him seeing a Nymphadora Tonks without the color she usually wore and basked in.
Feeling drowned, Tonks remained quiet until her parents back away to give her some breathing space. She sat up and Remus kneeled down beside her, his hand over the small of her back while his gentle gaze soothed her. Regaining her energy, Tonks said firmly, "I'm fine."
A glass of water was passed from Silvia to Alexis to Sirius who then jammed it into Tonks' hand. Sirius' face was grim and he looked at Tonks with a stern expression she'd rarely seen on him. "Remus told us," he said. "You've gone to Azkaban."
Tonks looked up. She should have known Remus couldn't keep a secret like such from his best friend, especially if said best friend was a stubborn Sirius Black. "Yeah," she replied. "I just didn't want to tell you…you freaked out when you learned I was just there interrogating—"
"You weren't interrogating anyone this time," Sirius cut in. "You're there on guard duty because you offended your Department Head."
"How'd you know?" Her eyes suddenly traveled to Silvia and Alexis who immediately turned to look away. Silvia stared at a spot on the opposite wall while Alexis occupied herself on a photograph sitting on the mantelpiece.
Silence consumed the group as a whole. Ted and Andromeda sat down on the old, comfortable sofa across from Tonks, eying their only daughter closely. Remus still knelt beside Tonks, taking her hands now and comforting her simply with his gaze. Alexis has sat down beside the fire, hugging her legs. Sirius and Silvia occupied another spot on the carpet. All eyes were on Tonks as if they were waiting for her to recall her account of Azkaban.
"Did you speak to Bellatrix?" Sirius asked once the silence grew to be too much.
The room's atmosphere, as if it wasn't enough already, tensed incredibly. Tonks nodded solemnly and she noticed that Andromeda had averted her eyes away to stare into the empty fire. Alexis was fidgeting with the end of her black robes, looking livid and attempting to hide it.
"I tried talking to her," said Tonks, tightening her hold on Remus' hand to reassure herself that the horrors of Azkaban would soon leave her. His presence was simply enough to console her and she was glad of that. "It was strange."
"Strange as in how?" It was her father who asked her that time.
"When I first came to Azkaban interrogating Rosier, Bellatrix was incredibly quiet. And now, she was able to scream like a mad woman."
"That's because the dementors had probably had their way with her the last time you came. That's why she's quiet," said Sirius wryly. Something seemed to be bothering him inside and Tonks wasn't the only one who noticed. Sirius looked towards the ground while Andromeda made a sudden twitch in her seat. Tonks turned to Remus who subtly pointed out to her with his finger that Sirius and Silvia's fingers were intertwined, discreetly hidden in between them. They were sitting beside each other, in a close way that Remus and Tonks often sat.
"They're together?" Tonks whispered to him, surprised.
"They've been inseparable ever since New Year's Eve," said Remus, stifling a smile.
"That's good then. Some good news at last," Tonks replied in a hushed voice.
"Nymphadora," her mother suddenly called.
Disdainfully, Tonks removed herself from the private whispering conversation with Remus and turned to face her mother. Andromeda was stoic and cold as a statue. The look in her eyes suggested that she was conflicted and the tears gathering showed she was recalling memories she thought she'd forgotten. Tonks swallowed hard as her mother asked, "What was she like…Bella-Bellatrix Lestrange?"
"Well, she was kind of hysterical," said Tonks. "She screamed insults at me, one after another, endlessly, as if she'd never run out of breath." She paused to think for a moment before adding, "But before the insults, when she first looked at me and I had my hair brown, like mum, she…mum…she thought I was you."
Andromeda shifted uncomfortably again but remained quiet.
Waiting a little, when Andromeda did not speak nor did anyone else, Tonks voiced her thoughts again. "Do you-do you think…if I pressed on…that Bellatrix would help me?" Tonks asked weakly, shooting looks around the room.
"You'd be mad to think that Bellatrix could help you," Sirius said. He sounded strained and again, Remus pointed out to Tonks that Silvia was discreetly consoling Sirius, preventing him from exploding at Tonks for going anywhere near that hellish prison. "She's loyal to Voldemort and remains loyal to him in that hell of a prison," Sirius continued. "If she helped you…that would mean betraying him." He paused and then casted a look around the room. His eyes lingered upon Andromeda and then Alexis who was still silently cooped up in the corner. "She betrayed those who…those who loved her for that snake. Tonks, she wouldn't help you." His eyes grew distant and he had that familiar look on his face, close to the look Andromeda was wearing at that very moment.
Remus tapped her shoulder and drew her attention to him again. "We'll figure something out, even without her help," he assured in a comforting whisper. "There are no dead ends."
Tonks nodded. She was trying hard not to look into her mother's pained eyes. "I never believed there were," she whispered back to him.
"As humans, we all stubbornly cling onto that tiny piece of hope," Remus replied. "Sometimes, that thread thickens and we actually attain what we hope for. Don't give up now, love. You'll find another way to go about your case."
Finally, Tonks managed a smile. She looked at him, fell deep into his eyes and lost herself in his intoxicating gaze. She managed a truthful and brilliant smile straight from her heart. She could feel it as the smile twisted across her pale lips. "I'm quite stubborn Remus. Perhaps I can…try and cling onto this piece of hope a little longer?"
He shrugged, smiling gently. "Whatever pleases you," he said. "I'll be here." He tightened his hold on her hand and Tonks felt a surge of unexplainable happiness ripple through her body like many tidal waves coming at once. Remus was like the ocean, so deep, free, supporting, always there, and ready to take in everything she had to scream out. His never-ending love always came to her like the waves that were always present on the shorelines.
Andromeda suddenly made a noise, sounding like the clearing of her throat. Tonks looked up, returning to the eerily silent atmosphere of the room. When Andromeda's lips twitched, Tonks listened aptly. Her mother began speaking and Tonks took in every word with intense interest.
"If you want her help…it's not impossible to get," Andromeda said. Immediately, Tonks noticed Sirius turn to face her, his turn so abrupt that he seemed to have cricked his head. Andromeda continued uninterrupted, her hand in Ted's. "Bella…Bellatrix Lestrange is still human after all. If…if she still recognized you, when you looked like me, then the memories she had of our childhood is still there, somewhere hidden in that monstrous shell. Those memories are your ticket in gaining her help, Nymphadora." Tonks suppressed the urge to react at the use of her dreaded first name—now was not the time. "Sirius, you remember this just as well as I. In our childhood, Bella, Bella Black, was just like anyone else. Yes, she was crazy, a little strange, stubborn, and ruthless, but she still smiled. She made us smile." Andromeda paused. Tonks could see the tears pricking her mother's eyes and she felt the same feeling she had when she saw Bellatrix. Her heart ached. "She's human after all and like us, she too wants family. Alexis," Andromeda called, addressing Alexis who sat up with a start, abruptly coming out of her reverie. "You've been in contact with Narcissa lately. I know, dear, I know," she added from the questioning look in Alexis' eyes. "Bellatrix is no different from Narcissa. We all want this family whole again, to rewind the hands of fate if possible." Andromeda turned back to Tonks. "Nymphadora, if you go at it correctly, you may just be able to tap those old memories of hers and get her to help you. You are after all, her niece."
"She was the first person to ever call you Tonks," said Ted in a mellow, distant voice.
Tonks sat up, surprised. "What?"
Her father looked up at her and nodded. He briefly glanced at Andromeda before continuing, "When you were first born…Bellatrix visited one night. When she learned your name," he chuckled darkly upon the melancholy, sad but happy memory. "She said Nymphadora was a mouthful and so she called you Tonks…you had your hair the same color as mine then."
And at that moment, Tonks realized that she was more like Bellatrix Lestrange than she ever cared to admit. She too always thought her name, the word Nymphadora alone, was a mouthful. Tonks sounded better and suited her better….
Sirius stirred. Although Silvia had continued to console him through the course of the conversation, silent consolations can only go so far. He stood up abruptly and headed towards the front door saying, "I need some fresh air." He turned back before he reached the door and casted Silvia a look through sad grey eyes that made her follow him immediately. Tonks was quite certain now that whatever was going on between Sirius and Silvia had progressed. After Sirius exited, Andromeda and Ted shifted in their seats and got up. They headed into the kitchen, falling into a silent conversation of their own. Tonks' eyes traveled to the other occupant in the room besides her and Remus. Alexis was still sitting beside the fireplace, her knees drawn to her chest, her eyes distant and her expression unreadable.
"What about you Lexi?" Tonks asked, wanting to hear Alexis' voice in that matter. "Where's your voice in this?"
Lazily, Alexis dragged herself up to her feet. Only when Tonks caught a glimpse of her cousin's eyes did she see that malicious, reproachful look she'd never seen in them before. "Bellatrix may be able to help you," she said icily, sounding more like Narcissa Malfoy than herself. "Like Andromeda said…if you tap on the right memories, you might find Bella Black instead of the homicidal lunatic."
"What do you think of her?" Tonks inquired.
There was a pause. Alexis bit her lips so hard that Tonks thought they might begin to bleed. "What can I say?" Alexis replied with a hint of scorn and disdain in her voice. She said in a spiteful, malevolent tone, "My so-called aunt killed my parents. What can I say to that?" Abruptly, Alexis turned and left the living room, heading up the stairs and vanishing into the old bedroom she and Tonks once shared. Tonks and Remus were left in the living room alone.
She turned to him with a sad and lost look in her eyes. Very softly, Tonks asked, "Do you think I should press on and try to get help from Bellatrix?"
"I am in no position to tell you which thread of hope you should cling onto, love."
Tonks nodded and shifted so that she could swing her legs over the side of the armchair and lean her back on the other. She still held onto Remus' hands and rested her head on his shoulder as he continued to kneel beside her. "Say I do grab a hold of this thread and question Bellatrix, will you help me?"
"In whatever way I can," he promised.
She smiled again, a gentle and soft smile. "Just be there for me. That's all I ask."
"I'll be there," he said.
"And cheer me up after I come home from guarding that insane prison."
"I will think of new jokes," he replied, stirring a gentle laugh from her.
The second day back was no better than the first. Azkaban prison still echoed with anguished screams, terrified shrieks, and empty cries. It was still a hellish prison made for those denied by both life and death. Tonks walked through the wasted Cell Block 13, her eyes wandering from once cell to another, sadness dawning upon them. Even for criminals, they didn't deserve this—at least their punishment shouldn't be witnessed by outsiders. As she walked, Tonks felt ashamed for calling herself an auror. Every auror was supposed to remain cold and ruthless in face of their enemies. Yet there she was, surrounded by enemies and yet she felt sorry for them.
When she got to Bellatrix Lestrange's cell, Tonks morphed her hair from a peaky violet to her natural mousy brown hair. Her eyes changed from vivid sky blue to piercing emerald green—she was the spitting image of her mother. Carefully, Tonks approached Bellatrix's cell. The woman inside was quite that day and by the image of the cloaked dementors reluctantly drifting away from Tonks and her corporeal patronus, Tonks knew that Bellatrix's silence was inflicted by the dementor's resent visit. A thought crossed her mind. What happy memory had Bellatrix been thinking about that would lure a dementor over?
"Bellatrix," said Tonks.
Her bony, strong-jawed face looked up just as Tonks bent down. When they were face to face, Bellatrix simply stared at Tonks, stared into her emerald eyes, and Tonks stared back. They didn't speak nor made the slightest movement. It'd been like that for what felt like an awfully long time. Tonks was beginning to lose track of time and had not realized how quickly the hours passed by. She got nothing out of Bellatrix that day—nothing in word that is.
On her third day, Tonks was feeling significantly worse inside. Although Remus constantly made her laugh and smile the night before, returning to Azkaban always invoked the negative feelings blocked away in the back of her mind. Each day spent inside the dismal prison meant the worst of herself coming back increasingly. When she came to Bellatrix's cell on the third day, the insane woman was screaming at the top of her lungs and Tonks was in no mood to deal with the insults. She didn't know what sort of illegal thing she'd do if she heard the term "half-breed" one more time. She felt sorry for the psychotic woman in the six-by-eight cell but her sympathy was not enough to keep her from getting angry.
"I wonder if you're referring to my dad or my mum as the non-human parent," Tonks grumbled as she passed. The third day gave her no improvements.
Surprisingly, the majority of the work week had already gone by. Tonks however, could not celebrate as she was in a particularly foul mood that morning. She'd gotten no sleep the night before because of an argument between Sirius and Silvia who were apparently in a light relationship. Their argument consisted of ceaseless, incessant screaming that lasted throughout the night. Even after Silvia stormed out of their apartment with Alexis on her tail trying to calm her down and Remus doing the same with a livid, seething Sirius, the troublesome couple still continued their argument through the floo network.
Passing by Bellatrix's cell, Tonks saw that the sadistic woman was shockingly sedate that day. Swallowing down her annoyance with Sirius and Silvia, Tonks crouched down so that she was face to face with Bellatrix. Green eyes met dark, dark brown and again, for a long time they simply stared. The silence in the prison was empty and unhinging. Unable to help herself for the uncomfortable silence was just too much, Tonks cleared her throat and began to speak, shattering the silence and the last remnants of the unidentified barrier between her and her maternal aunt.
"Bella," she called. She didn't want to think of the woman in front of her as Bellatrix Lestrange—she might end up maiming her in her foul mood. Instead, Tonks thought of her as Bella Black, the image of the girl Andromeda and Sirius had fond memories of. It was a complicated concept, but Tonks managed it nonetheless.
Bellatrix shifted and ebbed her way closer to the rusty iron bars, charmed with powerful magic. "Andy."
Tonks saw her reflection in Bellatrix's eyes. Her eyes were as dark as Alexis'—they were almost identical. In Bellatrix's eyes, Tonks looked exactly like her mother. The two women hadn't seen each other for over a decade. Perhaps Bellatrix still remembered the young Andromeda as opposed to the aged woman with wide-gazing eyes and brown hair flecked with grey. Tonks decided to speak more to Bella, hoping to receive some aid for her case.
"Wotcher," Tonks greeted awkwardly. How do you talk to your deranged and homicidal aunt whom, had she been sane, would have killed you where you stand? She wondered to herself for a moment before speaking, "Do you know who I am?"
"Andy," Bellatrix replied. For the first time in her life, Tonks witnessed Bella Black's sane and completely human smile. A small smile hesitantly twisted her lips and the woman looked up at Tonks with happiness glinting in her eyes. Her voice, though raspy and hoarse, spoke words gently. Tonks had never seen this coming. She expected Bellatrix to scream and curse at her, not acknowledge her, albeit as her mother, kindly. "Cissy came and spoke of you," Bella Black said eagerly, ebbing closer to the bars.
"Cissy?" Tonks mused aloud. She then realized it must be the nickname given to Narcissa Malfoy. At first Tonks wondered how Narcissa could visit Bellatrix, but after remembering that she was married to Lucius Malfoy, Tonks knew it was because of connections.
"You've spoken to Cissy," Bella said quickly and eagerly, falling into a rather possessed state. Her eyes were wide and her wry smile remained present. "You two spoke about me." Her eagerness in her tone grew. "You haven't forgotten…."
"No," Tonks replied, trying to think of what her mother would say. "I haven't."
"You still remember Bella," the dilapidated woman smiled.
Tonks nodded rigidly in a way her mother would have, keeping her chin up and trying to play out the Black family hauteur. "Why did you…leave us and join He Who Must Not Be Named?" she asked, wondering if her mother ever referred to him by his name.
Bellatrix pulled away slightly, her eyes growing sad like that of a child's. She pouted her lips. In a way, Tonks thought she was taunting her but was in fact, not. "He had all the answers," Bellatrix replied. "Our blood, the pure and royal blood that courses through our veins must not be tainted. But you," Bellatrix's eyes bulged. "You tainted yours with that filthy mudblood husband of yours…"
"And Nymphadora…?" She'd surprised herself. Had Tonks really just used her own dreaded first name willingly in conversation?
Shaking her head, Bellatrix pulled back again. "Tainted," she said. "You've besmirched our family name!"
Chafed by Bellatrix's words, Tonks said, "And what about you? Because of your stupid pureblood obsession, you've killed Marcus and Michelle Black, Lexi's parents!"
It was silent for a moment, but only a moment. Suddenly, Bellatrix's mad cackle ringed through the air, echoing in Tonks' mind and made surface Tonks' worst nightmares and memories of the woman. At first she was affronted, but then Tonks softened when she saw glittering tears prick Bella's glossy eyes.
Her rabid cackle rang on for a while longer until Bellatrix said with a completely unhinged smile, "They had to die. The Dark Lord said they had to die—they were getting in the way." A muscle in Tonks' jaw must have twitched—she sensed no remorse in the woman. "If Barty hadn't informed him that it was Marcus and Michelle secretly helping all those muggles, no one else would've known…" Bellatrix showed no remorse, but she did show sadness.
"Barty?" Tonks asked, catching on to every detail of the woman's words. "As in Barty Crouch? Barty Crouch Jr.?"
"Pity," Bella said in an airy voice with a subtle frown and a distant look in her faraway eyes. "If Barty had not been trying to win over the Dark Lord's trust, they wouldn't have died…." She bit her lips and swallowed. "Pity."
Bellatrix was following orders, Tonks mused. If Lexi hates Bellatrix that much for following orders, she'd despise Crouch for being the catalyst of her parents' death. Lexi would murder him cold! Her green eyes dawned with realization.
"Bella," said Tonks softly. "Where is he? Where is Crouch?"
"Barty?" she smiled as if thinking fondly of him. Bellatrix is insane, Tonks thought. "He escaped long ago—promised to break us all out the moment he gets the chance. Barty will keep to his word…or else the Dark Lord will kill him." She smiled again; a pleasantly insane grin.
"How did he escape?"
"You don't know?"
"How did Barty Crouch Jr. escape? Bella?"
"Well his parents helped him of course," Bellatrix replied as if it was the most normal thing ever. "His mum was dying of grief. The dementors could feel it. I could feel it. Death was upon her. She wanted to help her son before she died."
"What happened?" Tonks pressed when Bellatrix's pause was too long.
"Polyjuice potion," Bellatrix grinned, showing rows of raw yellow teeth in her psychotic smile. She began to cackle again. It was a low, rumbling cackle. She continued with her deranged laugh while backing up towards the wall.
Tonks fell back, her eyes wide with thought. "Polyjuice potion," she said, wondering why she'd never thought of it before. "Bloody hell."
"Don't say that Andy," Bellatrix said suddenly in an inquisitive tone. "Mother does not like it when you use foul language."
"Oh sod off," said Tonks in a manner as if speaking to Alexis or Sirius. She paused and looked up, realizing she was speaking to Bellatrix. Tonks swallowed and forced her mind to return to Barty Crouch's escape and repeated, "Polyjuice potion…."
Friday of that week was the last day Tonks had to guard Cell Block 13 of Azkaban prison. No longer would she have to put up with the looming, decomposing dementors and their rattling breaths drew in gasps. No longer did she have to worry about putting her guard down, losing her patronus, and having the eager dementors glide in for a feast of happy memories. And no longer would Tonks bear witness to the punishments issued there.
On her last day guarding the prison, Tonks came in with a smile and lime green hair, tempting the hungry dementors to no end. She walked straight to Bellatrix's cell on the far end of the cell block, a present clasped in her hands. When she reached the cell, Bellatrix was asleep on the ground, bruised dark circles present under her eyes. She hugged herself tightly as she slept, looking so vulnerable and weak. Tonks' heart panged for the woman who was, in all honesty, a part of her deranged family.
"My mum asked me to give this to you," Tonks said softly to the sleeping woman. "She said…it's from Andy…." Last night, Tonks was finally told the reason why Andromeda despised her nickname Andy more than anything in the world. It was the nickname Bellatrix had given her and to call her Andy brought back memories of her childhood which pained her and taunted her.
From the palm of her hand, Tonks placed a small, satin rose onto the ground. The rose was a deep, deep crimson, blood red and shimmery. Her mother had folded it just the night before, painful tears pricking the back of her eyes as she handed it to Tonks. Now Tonks was giving it to Bellatrix. She gave her a rose that stayed, charmed by magic, and would never fall apart. Looking at the rose, Tonks wished her family had been like that. Tonks wished her family was normal, that they weren't from the Noble House of Black. She wished her deranged relatives weren't obsessed with blood purity and their sanity were intact. Maybe then they'd be whole….
Taking out her wand, Tonks slowly pushed the rose towards Bellatrix. She was an auror and transporting small items through the charmed iron bars of the prison cells were easy for her. Once the rose was inside, Tonks used a levitation spell to send it over to Bellatrix, placing it down near the woman's enclosed hands.
She then stood up. "Goodbye…Bella," she said softly before turning and returning to her guard station, finishing the last day she hoped to have to guard Azkaban.
At night, Tonks was lying comfortably in Remus' warm embrace, her eyes half closed and her body weary from the day. She was ready to fall asleep. She wanted to fall asleep, lying there on the comfortable mattress in the corner of his homely little flat, but she couldn't, somehow. Tired, Tonks blinked slowly, staring up at the ceiling while Remus stroked her hair. She then turned and found her way into his gaze, locking it for just a moment, and then smiling softly. She looked at him, feeling happiness surge through her, and she grinned.
"Something's on your mind," Remus said softly.
"What do you mean?"
"You've been doing that constantly for the past half-hour," he smiled.
"What? Smiling?" she asked, widening her grin. "Well you're kind. A girl can't even smile to her lover," she scoffed.
He chuckled gently and lying against his chest, she could feel his laughter reverberating through his body. Tonks felt exhilarated by the feeling. "No," he laughed softly. "Smiling is perfectly fine. But you've been trying to fall asleep but failing. Then you turn to me and smile, and then try to fall asleep all over again."
"I can't sleep," Tonks groaned.
"What's on your mind, love?"
"I don't know."
He was quiet for a moment, looking at her adoringly. "You have to have some idea."
"I guess it's just recent events."
Remus suddenly shifted so that he now lay on his back beside her, his hands behind his head and he too was gazing at the empty ceiling. "Talk to me," he said.
"Well, the whole thing with Bellatrix and my mum," Tonks began voicing her thoughts. One of the many endless things she loved about Remus was that he understood her, even when she herself does not. Her thoughts were scattered and senseless…but yet he understood perfectly. Smiling and comfortable, she continued, "Azkaban was completely miserable. Bellatrix…she's insane. Yes, she's completely mad. When I saw her, her emotions could change in an instant." Tonks paused. "Who knew it was actually Crouch Jr. who was the true reason why Lexi's parents were killed. Bellatrix said it herself if he hadn't opened his stupid mouth to You-Know-Who, then her parents may have survived." Tonks paused again. "Do you think she's lying?"
A short moment was spent in silence as Remus contemplated over Tonks' words and made sense of them. "It all seems to fit," he said. "Crouch Jr. needed to gain Voldemort's trust and so he brought forth the murder of Lexi's parents."
"She's Bellatrix Lestrange though," said Tonks. "Can she be trusted?"
"Do you trust her?"
"For some strange reason…yes."
"Then that's it. You trust what she said. You shouldn't trouble yourself with too many questions." He smiled as he turned to face her.
"What should I tell Lexi then?" Tonks asked. "Crouch Jr. is the reason her parents were killed." She suddenly paused, thinking. "Bellatrix was only following orders."
Remus shifted slightly and sighed. "I think you should just find a good opportunity and tell her. Lexi would want to know."
"But you know Lexi's temper. If she becomes hell-bent and vengeful against Crouch, she'll be too rash and aggressive to help us capture him."
"I don't know then," he said, shaking his head. "It's your decision."
Sighing, Tonks shifted into a more comfortable position and began thinking again.
"Take it from an expert. Don't think. Thinking is dangerous," he said suddenly.
"Never thought I'd hear that out of you," she teased.
"I've come to realize after spending so much time with you and Sirius that there is no point in thinking about the worst possible outcome of every situation. I'd only be torturing myself more than necessary. So I concluded that I might as well not think at all."
"Remus, that's not true and you know it. You still think. You just like to say that you don't anymore," Tonks smiled. She was pushing aside the thought of telling Alexis about Crouch Jr. Eventually she'd have to tell but before the time comes, Tonks felt it better to let her cousin's already troubled mind at peace—she didn't need any more problems to weigh her down.
"You're not making any sense at all!" he laughed.
"Neither were you," she replied.
He shook his head and rolled over to hug her. As he pulled her back into his arms with care and tenderness, he said, "Let's go to sleep. You have a lot of work to do tomorrow."
"About Crouch's case, yes," Tonks sighed. Now that she'd finally gotten a lead, the case was back in action. She had agreed to meet with both Alexis and Silvia tomorrow at work to sort out what to do next about their case. Tonks had not told Alexis about the relation between her parents' death and Barty Crouch Jr. She only knew that once she does tomorrow, her cousin would be livid in fall into a particularly sour mood for the majority of the day. They then also have to work out a way to question Barty Crouch Sr. about how he helped his son escape Azkaban. It was yet another problem upon their troublesome list.
"Thinking again are we?" Remus asked, kissing the nape of her neck.
"You are too!" Tonks replied.
"I admit I am."
"What are you thinking about, love?"
He grinned sheepishly and said, "Chocolate."
Tonks rolled her eyes. Remus had been extremely positive and sweet in the past few days trying to cheer her up from Azkaban. She had to admit that when Remus was not worried about the upcoming moon and the troubles they were facing, he was the sweetest man on the face of the Earth. The only things that really go through his mind were books, chocolate, and her.
"Here," she said, reaching over to the windowsill beside the bed and taking down the half-eaten bar of milk chocolate for him. Carefully, Tonks pulled back the gold foil with Honeydukes' logo on it and fed him the chocolate. Smiling, Remus took a bite. As she re-wrapped the bar and placed it back onto the windowsill, Tonks said, "You're like a big baby."
"How am I like a big baby?" he asked innocently.
"All you care about is chocolate."
"Not true," he said. "You're second to nothing in my world." The look in his eyes was so earnest and true, Tonks' heart skipped a beat.
"But I'm still second," she said, smirking.
He made a face. "Stop playing with my words," he groaned.
Laughing, Tonks placed an ardent kiss upon his lips. She grinned against their kiss as she tasted the chocolate on his lips. It tasted so good and warm upon soft, irresistible lips. She kissed him harder, wanting to just steal those lips away for herself. When Tonks pulled back reluctantly a moment later, she and Remus were both gasping for air and chuckling at themselves.
"Sleep now?" Remus asked her.
"Sleep," she nodded, shifting so that she laid closer to him.
Another of the million reasons why she loves her romance with Remus was that they did not need to constantly shag each other to feel happy. It was love. They were perfectly happy beyond their wits' end to lie in the arms of the others. Tonks grinned while in his embrace and Remus was nuzzled up against her, his warm, protecting arms wrapped around her body while his feet tickled hers under the blanket.
"Goodnight Remus."
"Goodnight Nymphadora."