My Heart is Heavy Chap.26
Later that evening Winry exited her Grandmothers room and shut the door softly. Edward was leaning against the wall in the hall as she turned to look at him with tears in her eyes "Oh Ed what am I going to do?" She asked as she rushed into his arms sobbing "I can't lose granny right now." Wrapping his arms around her he looked up at the ceiling praying she would stop crying 'I hate it when you cry Winry. It hurts my heart deeply when tears fall from your eyes' He thought listening to her sobs as he inhaled deeply. She then leaned back and stared into his eyes as she sniffled "She has led a long life she told me and she's ready to go. I don't know if I'm ready to let her go and be alone Edward." Edward pulled her hands to his lips and kissed them "I will never let you feel as if your alone Winry" He said in a stern but soft reply. She smiled realizing that she wasn't actually going to be alone she had a whole new family now with Edward, Al and all the children. She half way believed that her grandmother had held out this long in the hopes that Edward and Al would return so that she could rest in peace knowing Winry was safe.
Pinako also wanted all the children in the room so Winry informed Ed and he gathered them all and they entered her room as Winry, Al and Ed stood outside. Pinako began by telling little Edward and Al that she loved them very much and she knew she was leaving them in good hands with Edward. She then turned her attention to Edward's children "Even though your father is not my own son I have always thought of him and your uncle Al as mine since their mother passed. I consider you my great grandchildren as well. You have brought happiness and joy into this household since you've arrived and you're all very skilled in what your father has taught you, but use it wisely my little ones." She gazed at Steven "You my boy will be hell on wheels in a few years and I know you'll give your father a run for his money. You're just like he was at your age but don't let the traveling keep you from family the way he did." Her gaze turned to the window and her face saddened "I know that's why he was always so far away from me to be able to reach him with some sense. He was on his own path and thinking his own way but in the end he turned into a fine man. But don't follow the same lonely path he did, I know he had Al but that was all they had and depended on was each other." She smiled softly "Oh he knew Winry and I were here but he always tried to avoid coming back here. I wanted to strangle the little shit when I found out he sacrificed himself for Al. I thought they both would be coming home but that's just the way your father was always thinking of what was best for Al and he gave his life to save him." She reached her hand out and Steven took her frail hand in his as she pulled him slightly forward "You need to protect your siblings but not at the cost of your own life child there is always another way. Don't cut your ties to family it's too important in your thinking and actions." Steven smiled slightly at her and nodded "Yes ma'am" She patted his hand and shook her head slightly knowing he understood "Good boy." She took one last look at all of them and stopped at Caroline and Nina "I didn't know your mother but if she was anything like Winry your father will have his hands full in a couple of years. Promise me you girls will make good choices and not be sucked in by the first handsome face that comes along." Looking at Melissa she smiled "That goes for you too sweetie." Both girls nodded feeling a sense of sadness in their hearts that they had just met this old woman and she had made such an impression on them and now she was soon to be leaving them. They thought they had found a family with a grandmother but they had started too late with Pinako as she shook her head slightly at them "I wish I could have more time with you children. You have made an old woman's heart fill with joy this past year you've been here." Looking at each of their faces and picturing them in her mind she leaned back on her pillow "I love you all very much now can you send your Uncle Al in." The children all hugged her and left the room saddened that this wonderful grandmother they had grown to love this past year would soon be forever lost to them.
Al was the last to enter as she patted the bed for him to sit down next to her "You my boy have always been the sensible one while your brother was the hot head." Al smiled slightly as she continued "Al you know it's time for you to make a life of your own. Edward will be fine he's always been tough and you my boy have always been there for him as he for you. I know you two will never break the bond you formed so many years ago after losing your mother. Edward raised you from that time it was a lot for a young boy to take on raising his younger brother but he wouldn't have anyone help. When I asked him if he wanted help he told me you were his responsibility now and he would take care of you. You two have always been older than your age but grant me one last promise Al. Promise me you'll make a life for yourself and have kids and enjoy them. Even though I won't be here I'll be watching both of you from the other side." Al felt tears fall down his cheeks as he looked at the only woman who tried to be a mother to them besides Izumi after theirs died "I promise Granny I will do that." She pulled him into a hug "That's my boy Al now we need to discuss other things. I know you have to leave but there is one more thing I want you to do for me if I'm gone by then." Al raised a brow at her "Okay" She smiled as she told him she wanted him to be here when Winry went into labor because she knew if anything were to happen no one could control Edward. "I know Edward hasn't completely freaked out in a long time but I fear if something were to happen after everything he's been through he might completely lose it Al." Al knew she was right, over the years Edward had held a lot of things in because of the children. Come to think of it the only time he actually saw Edward get completely pissed off in front of the children was when he beat the crap out of Greg. So Al nodded to Pinako and he hugged her frail body as he reassured her he would be back in a month and a half before Winry went into labor. He finalized it with he would bring Mustang and Riza with him if he had too. He then told Pinako about Brenda and how he was starting to fall for her more deeply and that warmed the old woman's heart that he had found someone here close to home.
It was two days later when Edward went in to take Pinako her breakfast and he found she had passed away in her sleep. He looked at her face and there was a peaceful smile that was on it. He sat the plate next to the bed and sat in the chair taking her frail hand in his "Granny" he said softly as tears flowed down his cheeks. Death was something Edward wasn't used to dealing with. He had held his wife Windy after the accident till she took her last breath but he didn't really know how to deal with it. He always believed in not killing but to have to face someone dying that was something he had trouble with. Just then the door opened and Winry came in and saw her grandmother and completely broke down. Edward stood up and ran to her to catch her before she fell to the floor sobbing "She went peacefully Winry." He said as he held his wife while she cried but he found that his own tears were flowing down his cheeks. Winry felt Edward's demeanor change as he began to shake all over and she looked up at his face and the pain that was portrayed on it she knew instantly that he was dealing with something he couldn't handle. Winry had always dealt with death by pushing it down deep inside of her. Like her parent's death and the miscarriages she had but she knew Edward wasn't good with it. She remembered how Hughes death nearly broke him and she could only imagine the pain he felt when Windy died in his arms. She took a deep breath and gathered her strength and stood up and looked into his eyes "Remember Edward she led a good life and she was happy." His tears flowed harder as he clinched his metal hand and through gritted teeth "There was nothing I could do. I can never do anything but stand by and just watch people die." Raising her hands to his cheeks she grabbed his face "Stop it Edward! You can't stop death and you know it!" His eyes widened at the strength she had at that moment she didn't want him to know the way she was actually feeling because he was a complete mess right now so she had to be the one to be strong. She shoved every feeling she had deep inside her and comforted him letting him know it wasn't his fault he couldn't keep people from dying. He slowed his tears and looked at her "How do you do it Winry? How can you just shove everything down inside you?" He knew it wasn't healthy for her and he knew she had probably done it lots of times. He would have to get her to talk about this later but right now he had to get Al and they had to go to the cemetery to make arrangements for Pinako. Walking out into the living room Edward pulled Steven aside "Keep an eye on your mother and be with her till I get back. Don't let her be alone son right now she's burying her feelings and I want someone with her at all times." Steven nodded "Yes father I won't leave her side." Patting Stevens shoulder Edward forced a smile "That's my boy." Al opened the front door and they both left as Steven found Winry and like he promised he never left her side as he helped her pick something out for Pinako to be buried in. Then with the girls help he waited outside the door while they cleaned her up and changed her. Winry kept her composure in front of the children but as Steven watched her he could see her slowly falling apart and he wished he could do something to help her. That's where Steven and Edward were the most alike, their compassion for people ran deep within them and they hated to see people in pain.
Al and Edward went to make the last minute arrangements for Pinako. When they finished with the head stone and coffin the man told Edward how much it would be. It was costly because Edward would take nothing but the best for Pinako. Al's mouth dropped as the man told them the price then he looked at Ed "Brother how are we going to pay for this?" Edward smiled softly as he waved to the man to follow him over out of Al's site. Al knew he was up to something so he moved back some to see Edward hand the man his silver state alchemist pocket watch "It's all silver and it's still in good condition." The man had known Edward since he was younger and he knew how Edward had acquired said pocket watch. He also knew Edward's watch was worth more than what he charged because Edward's watch was one of the older state alchemist watches that was made of pure silver not like the newer ones that were silver and nickel plated. So he put his hand on Edward's "Are you sure you want to pay this way? We can always work something out." Shaking his head Edward turned his hand sliding the watch into the man's "No I'm sure. I always knew this thing would pay for itself one day." The man sighed "Alright Ed but I'll hold onto it for a while just in case you want it back." Al slightly smiled 'Brother you gave up your watch' he thought but he also felt a tug on his heart seeing his brother give up something he had worked so hard for and he knew Pinako wouldn't have wanted Edward to do that. But for right now he would act like he hadn't seen what he saw. Edward walked back out and looked at Al "Come on Al everything is taken care of." He turned and walked out the door as Al looked back over his shoulder to the man and whispered "I'll be back for that in a few months." The man nodded understanding Al perfectly "It'll be here Al." He smiled then a sad look crossed his face as he watched the Elric brothers walk down the street 'Same old Ed always doing things on his own and giving up everything to make it happen' the man thought looking down in his hand as he opened it and stared at the watch that had for so long hung from the young boys belt loop. He exhaled deeply and closed his hand around it as he turned and walked into the back of his shop and pulled a small box off the shelf. It was there he put Edward's watch covering it with a small cloth so it wouldn't get scratched. He closed the box and sat it back on the shelf "There it will sit till your brother comes to get it Ed." He turned and went back to making the preparations for Pinako's funeral.
On the way home Al never said a word of what he saw to Edward and Edward just stared straight ahead not even blinking half the time as they walked home. Al knew that watch meant the world to Ed but then Pinako meant more to him than anything and even though he never really said anything to her Al knew Ed loved her very much. She was always the one that talked straight to him when he was about to do something stupid. She was the only one that could get through to him most of time. Oh he acted like he didn't pay any attention to her but he heard every word she said to him even if it was in insults half the time. It seemed like Pinako was the one that grounded Edward when they came home for visits. She had never held anything back when it came to dealing with him but she also knew Ed was stubborn so she dealt with that in her own way. Al began to feel an empty spot growing in his heart as they walked on and he turned to Edward "Brother I'm going to miss her dearly" He said softly as Edward's head came up slowly his eyes stared straight ahead "Me too Al. Me too" he said softly as he shoved his hands in his pockets and continued walking. Al and Granny had always had their long talks while Edward and Winry argued with each other. Al felt he had lost a connection with a person he was so close to. He knew Winry was going break soon enough and he knew she was holding her feelings in to be strong for Ed. If Winry would have lost it Edward would have went completely crazy trying to console her and Winry knew that. So for right now she held her feelings in so Edward could deal with his grief gradually instead of frantically. As they walked Al remembered all the times when they came home and all the conversations he and Pinako had. He had made her a promise that he would settle down and have his own family and that was a promise he intended to keep.
After the service the next day everyone went to the house and they all sat there saddened by their loss. But it was when Caroline looked at everyone "Is this the way she would have wanted us to be right now?" Edward looked up at Caroline's face which had tears flowing down her cheeks and he sighed. Winry smiled slightly "No she would have kicked our ass for being so sad." She looked at Ed, Al, and Brenda then she stood up and walked to the kitchen and came back in a few minutes with a bottle of scotch and a glass of apple juice "I say you guys toast her while I make due with the apple juice." Al went and got some glasses and when he came back and sat them on the table Edward poured three drinks and they toasted the old woman who meant so much to them. After that toast Al decided they needed to toast someone else they had lost as he held his glass up "To our brother Envy who is always in our hearts and for his sacrifice to bring us home." Edward's glass went to Al's "To Envy" He looked upwards "I love you and miss you brother." Edward stopped and thought for a moment as he lifted the glass to his lips and stopped "And to Windy for always making me move forward." Al smiled "Here, Here to everyone we've lost and held so dear" Al replied happily as they both downed their drinks.
Steven was standing outside on the porch when his father came out the door. Slightly turning his head he smiled at the older Elric "Hey father." Edward needed to talk to Steven and explain to him about what he learned on the other side about alchemy. "Hey son" he said walking up next to him "I need to explain something to you about how alchemy works. When I first passed through the gate when Dante' sent me through and I ended up in the other Edward's body and I had a talk with my father over there." Looking out over the countryside he paused for a moment then his head lowered "Promise me you will never use your alchemy for frivolous things and only use it when you have too." A confused look crossed Stevens face as he turned to look at Edward "Why father?" Edward's head came up and he turned to his son "Because to use alchemy on this side someone on the other side has to die." Steven's eyes widened "Nooo!" Edward shook his head "I know I didn't believe it at first either but the more I thought about it after I was over there, and what my father said the more I figured out he was right. Energy has to be generated somewhere so alchemy can be used here." Steven's eyes lowered then widened suddenly as he spoke softly "Mom." Edward's felt a slight turn in his stomach as he choked out "Yes" and exhaled deeply "You don't know how many times I thought about what her energy was used for. Was it used to do something good? Or was it just used for something frivolous like making a weapon or putting something back together? I drove myself crazy trying to figure that out then I thought about trying to trace the origins of the alchemy used that day till I figured out I would probably never find the source." Steven knew his father would have searched the ends of the earth to find out who used alchemy that day and he was glad his father never got obsessed with the idea. Both of them just stared out into the sunset that was so beautiful that day "Just promise me you will use alchemy for the right reason and not just because you can do it like I did. If I would have known these things when I was using it I would have made better choices on when and where I used it." Steven turned to his father and smiled softly "I will use it cautiously father." Looking at his son Edward felt a sense of pride in his heart as he patted Stevens shoulder "You will be a new generation of alchemist my son. One who uses his gift to move forward and to not rely on it just for winning a fight. That is why I taught you martial arts so you could use that more." He inhaled the evening air deeply "There is still so much that this world doesn't know about the other side and how it ties into our lives and our alchemy."
Looking up at his father Steven knew he would never be the alchemist his father was but he could strive to get the answers his father wondered about. "I promise father that I will search for these answers and a connection to the other side to try to figure out how they are connected." Edward chuckled as he remembered Al and his quest for the philosopher's stone as he turned to his son and gave him some sound advice "Don't spend your life chasing something you can't find the answer to. Spend it learning what you can to better the alchemy we have in this world. Answers are not always meant to be found but you can find out things that will make it easier for others to understand my son." Shaking his head Steven knew his father's advice was sound and a message to him that the older man just couldn't say outright. Steven figured his father meant don't go chasing something stupid that doesn't exist and waste your whole life on it. Just look for that that's right in front of you and you'll find the answers you seek. Steven always had a way of figuring out his father jumbled thinking.