Raining Down On Us

by Neko11

Drabble collection, mostly about the strawhats. Sometimes AU. UPDATED. Chpt. 30: Then the war came. It was sudden, kicking them into hard reality and struck them like a hurricane, messing with their minds and lives. They had to go to war, each of them, there was no running away and no turning back. So they went, but they said, "-when we go, we go together." And they did.

26. Movie stars

Hey there guys! Here's a new chapter :) CiaossuWarty asked me to do another crackfic, so here I go xD I hope you'll like it!

AU

Characters: Nami, Usopp, Zoro, Luffy, Sanji, Ace, Boa Hancock, Spandam, Lucci and Kaku (mentioned).

Rating: T

Warnings: Don't take stuff too seriously. Beware of the crack!

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.

YXYYXYXYXYXY

Chapter 26 - Movie stars

Ace bit his lip, unable to control the tears that streamed down his face. He gripped onto his brother tightly, sobs wracking his body.

„Everyone... and Luffy... Even though I have the blood of a demon in me you still loved me... thank you... thank you... thank you-,"

„Cut! CUUUT!"

Ace growled at this and turned his head to the director. „What's now? I remembered all the lines, didn't I?"

Monkey D. Luffy just scowled at his acting partner, annoyed by the delay.

The director, a middle-aged man called Spandam, vehemently shook his head. „You said 'thank you' too many times! Think of the drama, you're ruining my scene completely! Thanking them once is enough, you dork!"

„Hey! Are you supposed to insult your costly actors?!" Ace barked back. He knew what he was worth, after all.

Spandam rolled his eyes and waved his hand. „Whatever. Let's do this scene again. Aaand... action!"

Ace pouted but got all professional again. He inhaled deeply and stopped blinking altogether to get teary-eyed (his secret technique).

"That's why, everyone... and Luffy," Ace began in a trembling voice as Luffy looked devastated again, trying to shake as much as possible.

Spandam hardly controlled his own tears; he was a sensitive man after all. He waited for the climax in eagerness, so caught up in the moment he forgot how to breathe-

"I just wanted to say... thank y- zzzzzzzz!"

And the magic moment was passé. The film crew groaned and slumped down.

"Not again...,"

"Why now?"

"Great timing."

"GODDAMMIT! How am I supposed to work with him!" Spandam screeched, pulling his hair in frustration. Luffy only looked ahead, deadpanned, as Ace slipped through his arms, looking at peace with him and the world as a bubble came out of his nose.

"He fell asleep again...," the camera man, Kaku, muttered. "How does he get any jobs as an actor?"

"Maybe because he's sexy like woah?" Vivi commented with hearty eyes, sighing dreamily. "Even asleep he looks sooo hot!"

"Miss Nefetari! If you have time to stand around adoring him, you better fix his make up instead!" Lucci, Spandam's personal assistant, ordered, and Vivi didn't need to be told twice.

"Of course! Aah, my chance to get near him!" Vivi squealed, and literally jumped on top of Ace, cradling his face gently into her hands. Good thing Ace was unconscious.

Lucci only rolled his eyes at that. How he hated unprofessional staff members. They couldn't concentrate on their jobs seriously and only wasted their time and money. What amateurs! He looked at the director and just sighed.

"This is the fifth time! I can't take it anymore!" Spandam bitched around and stomped his food angrily. "Maybe I should have invited Foxy Silverfox for that role instead...he has black hair, too, after all," he muttered, scratching his head. "Well, what's done is done. Attention guys! Ace D. Portgas is gonna rest for the day, we'll be shooting his scene tomorrow. We're switching to scene #52! Somebody call Sanji Blackleg, Lady Alvida, Buggy Rednose and Roronoa Zoro!"

Scene #52 (*):

Buggy was in top form that day. He loved his job as an actor and always gave his all. They were filming Monkey D. Luffy's execution scene in Loguetown, and Buggy was extremely proud since it was his second big appearance in the whole movie already.

"Everybody ready? Good. And action!"

Buggy immediately started to laugh maniacally. Some no-name actor who hoped for the big breakthrough shouted,

"Oh my god! It's Buggy the clown!" And that was the indication for the rest of the townspeople to scream and make a run for it.

Buggy smirked evilly. Now it was his turn. He inhaled deeply. "Hold on, townspeople, don't move a single muscle-"

"Don't forget the 'flashy'! It's important!" Spandam screeched into his megaphone and Kaku wished for some headphones to protect his ears.

Crap. The famous 'flashy' hadn't slipped from his lips like it should have. "Don't move a single flashy muscle-"

"Scratch the single!"

"Don't scratch a muscle-",

"NO!"

"Dammit! Don't move a muscle flash and- uhm... I think I forgot my lines."

"WHAT?!" Spandam fell over, megaphone slipping from his hands.

As they tried filming the scene where Luffy got trapped with a wooden board by Cabaji, Spandam had managed to calm down enough to oversee the shooting with a critical eye. It was going smoothly so far, and Spandam had high hopes for at least one scene to finish for the day. They could always add some scenes later if they wanted, thanks to modern technology.

"ACTION!" He shouted, this time more aggressive. Seriously, it couldn't be that difficult to make a movie, could it?

Luffy put on his happy face. He hit his fist into his palm as realization hit him. "Ah! Got it! You're Buggy!"

Cabaji noticed it was his turn now, and since he wasn't an experienced actor, he was nervous as hell. He quickly jumped forward on the platform and landed right behind Luffy. Cabaji lifted the wooden board that was supposed to trap Luffy's neck and eagerly slammed it over the other actor's head.

Luffy squeaked in surprise and pain, and before he knew what was happening he fell off the execution platform and right onto an unfortunate Moji.

A shocked silence followed as everyone watched wide-eyed, trying to progress what just happened.

"Aw, damn." Cabaji awkwardly scratched his head, carefully looking over the edge of the platform. "Uh, sorry pal. You alright?"

"What the hell, man?! What's with your messed up control over your hands?! That could have seriously hurt someone!" Luffy shouted with shark teeth, a huge bump already forming on the back of his head.

"M-me, for example...", Moji stammered from underneath Luffy. The boy jumped off and apologized quickly, before he turned his head back to the person responsible for the mess.

"What were you think-", He didn't get to finish as something else came flying down. With a loud BONK, the wooden board hit Luffy right in the face. The rest of the sentence got stuck in his throat as he sank to the ground beside Moji, knocked out.

"Oops, my bad. It slipped through my fingers." Cabaji laughed in a high-pitched voice, forcing a grin. "Can somebody send his double up to me?"

The entire film crew gaped before they finally picked up their jaws off the ground. "LIKE HELL WE WILL! You just knocked two of our actors out!"

"Ahahaha! I'm really sorry, guys! I was just a tiny bit nervous, that's all." Cabaji tried to explain himself while Spandam simply face-palmed. He didn't have any words for this.

Meanwhile, Zoro and Sanji joined the chaos scene, having waited for their entry behind the cameras. They guessed they'd have to wait a bit longer for their scene.

"Luffy's causing trouble as always." Sanji muttered, taking a drag from his cigarette. Suddenly, he hacked a few coughs that didn't sound healthy at all and cursed. "Darn it, I'm just not used to smoking. Why can't my character lick lollipops instead or something?!"

Zoro side-eyed him but decided not to make a comment. He went forward to slap Luffy's face a few times.

"Hey, you with me buddy?" He asked, watching Luffy's 'X' eyes. He looked like he wouldn't be getting up anytime soon.

Sanji stepped beside Zoro and leaned down to inspect the damage. "I guess that's what they call job hazard," he commented dryly.

Spandam, who finally found his voice again, harrumphed loudly to gain attention. "Alright, that's enough! We are finishing that entire shitty shoot tomorrow! Everyone, better be prepared and don't you dare blow up tomorrow! I want that damned movie done in a few months, you hear me?! Sheesh, my patience is already running low and we've still got a looong way to go...", Spandam massaged his temples as if to emphasize how much it exhausted him, and the actors only grumbled half-heartily.

As the film crew moved to clean the mess and the actors went to take a break, Moji was carried away and a fidgety Cabaji followed like a kicked puppy.

Some of the female film crew members had gathered in a corner and watched how Zoro and Sanji tried to carry an unresponsive Luffy away. Some of them shook their heads in disappointment.

Alvida sighed dramatically. "I thought he'd be better looking in reailty...I guess Roronoa Zoro isn't my type after all."

Sanji's ears perked up at that and he halted, fixing Alvida with a glare.

"Yeah.. but still, no one looks better than Ace-sama!" Vivi stated with a blush. Alvida continued as if she hadn't heard that comment.

"Isn't he rather bulky? So photoshop does really work wonders in these magazines. How boring." As soon as these words left Alvida's mouth, a loud explosion was heard behind her. She turned around in horror and spotted a blond-haired man that was -literally- on fire.

"W-what the heck?!" She shouted, terrified. Vivi hid behind her in fear.

"How dare you insult my dear Zoro-kun!" Sanji roared and kicked Alvida away. Sanji bristled angrily, but his scowl vanished as he looked at Zoro. "Don't worry, Zoro-kun, I'll forever protect you!"

"Err, thanks. I appreciate that." Despite his words, Zoro looked rather disgusted and floated away from Sanji discretely.

"Z-Zoro-kun... I just wanted to help!" Roronoa Zoro, the infamous heart breaker, had struck again. In a moment of distress, Sanji embraced Luffy tightly to himself as if his life depended on it. Luffy, who'd just managed to wake from his near-coma state, nearly suffocated. He gurgled in panic against Sanji's chest and fainted again.

The blond-haired actor stopped crying and lifted Luffy away to take a look at him, only to see foam coming out of his acting partner's mouth. Sanji made a face and held him a few inches away from him.

"Ew. Luffy-kun, you pig."

Zoro, hiding safely behind the requisites, sweat-dropped; his sympathy for Luffy was steadily increasing.

What a day.

-Meanwile-

Spandam sighed as Lucci filled in more hot water. He wriggled his toes, enjoying the hot footbath after such a stressful day.

"Thank you, Lucci. You can go now." He said absent-mindly and closed his eyes, leaning back in his chair. It was already getting dark outside and Spandam decided he would not leave his luxurious trailer for the rest of the evening. He'd worked hard today and even though they didn't manage to film any scenes really, Spandam decided he'd done enough.

Lucci nodded curtly and exited the trailer. He wasn't sure how long he was gonna do that kind of shitty job, but then, he got well-paid for it. Even if he had to bear such a madhouse everyday.

Spandam was reaching the peak of his relaxation and reviewed on the events of the week. A lot had happened (lots of chaos again, but he should be used to it by now).

With a cringe, he remembered his long-nosed actor when they tried to film the Arlong park saga. Everything was going neatly, Arlong was a great actor and his talent came really out while playing a villain. Roronoa Zoro was even better, he was amazing and really put his soul into acting. And even Spandam had to admit he had some really good looks.

With everything going according to schedule, mistakes were bound to happen of course.

Arlong and Zoro were having their epic face-off, while Usopp was in the background, performing his attack to stop the fishman from going into the water.

Usopp stood tall and proud. "Usopp rubberband!" He shouted.

Nami and the rest of the actors watched, acting all astonished and hopeful for Usopp's secret attack.

Usopp grinned and continued loudly, "Now! Go, Zoro!" Usopp stretched the rubber band and fired. Unfortunately, it fired backwards instead of flying somewhere to the side, and it snapped right into Usopp's eye. He had a great aim, after all.

Zoro and Arlong could only watch with blank faces as the long-nosed actor screamed in pain, clutching his face.

"Aaaah! My eye!" He stumbled backwards and crashed into a studio floodlight which fell down and right onto a few cables. Due to the heat the shattered lamp emitted, it started to smoke as the cables melted and Usopp shrieked.

"Waah! Sorry, sorry!" He ran in a circle around the small smoke cloud and waved his hands in panic.

"Hey! What are you trying to do?!" Nami shouted at him, enraged. Spandam's outburst was cut short as he realized this and he clapped, impressed.

"Great acting there, miss Mikan! Guys, we don't delete her sentence, you hear me?"

Now Nami's wrath was on Spandam. "That- I wasn't acting!"

Spandam flinched back. "Eh, we'll still keep that."

That stunt had cost him a new floodlight, six ten-meter-cables and a new rubber band. Seriously, these actors were gonna be the death of him one day. Or at least his ruin.

Not that miss Mikan was perfect, either. He remembered clearly how he wished he hadn't arranged her for the movie. She knew exactly what she wanted, and that was money and more money. She'd easily managed to convince Spandam he had to lift her salary, since she was so pretty and a great actress. Spandam couldn't say no. And since that miss Mikan was friends with most of the other actors she also demanded an increase of their salary as well.

Who was he to refuse her request? He didn't stand a chance against her stubbornness and in the end he gave in. She may have amazing looks and skills, but she was ice cold and calculating when it came to negotiation.

An unpleasant feeling brought him back to reality. His feet started to get cold as the water cooled down. Maybe he should call Lucci back to re-heat it for him.

-Break time, with the actors-

Luffy had just woken up only to find himself in his trailer. No one was around, so he decided to get out and search for his friends even though his head hurt like shit. As soon as he closed the door, a weird voice shrieked at him.

"Luuffy-sempai! Over here, over here!" Bartolomeo shouted. Luffy turned around but flinched back as he was greeted with tons of tears and snot two inches away from his face.

"Woah, what the hell?!" Luffy shielded his face with his arms. "Leave me alone! Who are you?!"

"L-L-Luffy-sempai is talking to me! Ohmygosh!" Bartolomeo looked ready to faint. "I'm your biggest f-fan!"

Luffy made a face and looked around. He smirked as he spotted one of his friends. He pointed at a green-haired man who sat on a chair, taking a break. "Go and ask Zoro. He's way more famous than me!"

Bartolomeo blinked a few times before his head turned to Zoro in slow-motion. "R-R-Roronoa Zoro? Roronoa Zoro is here, too?! "

Luffy rolled his eyes as the hyperventilating, snotty-nosed mess stumbled over to stalk Zoro. "That's for leaving me with Sanji." Luffy muttered under his breath, and went back to his trailer for hiding.

He briefly heard the conversation that followed. Heh. That sounded similar.

"Woah, what the hell?!" Zoro shouted and jumped half a meter away.

"Z-Z-Zoro-sempai is talking to me! Ohmygoodness! I NEED an autograph, Zoro-sensei! Wait, where are you going?!"

"AAAH! Stop following me, weirdo! Eeek, you're snotting all over me!"

"Hold on! I've been waiting for this day all my life! I ADORE you! My room is full of your posters!" Bartolomeo cried and leaped at Zoro who had never been so terrified in his entire life.

"NOO!"

Luffy watched the scene with morbid curiosity and only sweat-dropped when Bartolomeo exclaimed with a cry of victory that he would follow Zoro-sempai to the end of the world if he had to. Should he be worried?

Na. Zoro could handle himself.

Suddenly, Sanji appeared out of nowhere and he had some alarmingly sharp-looking kitchen knives in his hands. Luffy barely had time to wonder where he'd gotten them from when Bartolomeo and Sanji were at each other's throats, both claiming Zoro as theirs.

"Oi, oi...", Zoro decided it was as much as a suicide attempt to stop them now. So he stepped back and made a run for it.

A shy laugh from behind got him back to reality. He knew that voice too well and groaned inwardly. This day was getting better and better.

"Luffy-san! I found you!" Hancock exclaimed happily, hugging Luffy.

"G-great!" Luffy's voice was muffled as he had his face clutched between her breasts so tightly he could hardly breathe.

Hancock squealed as he dragged a helpless Luffy off, chattering about this and that and how worried she was when she heard about his little accident. Luffy looked around frantically, searching for help and his eyes widened when he spotted Nami by her trailer.

"Shh! Nami!" He whispered and she blinked at him.

He beckoned to her secretly, gesturing to Hancock and looking very troubled. Nami got the message immediately. She broke into a huge smirk and looked at him smugly, waving an imaginary belly note in her hand, telling him her help wasn't free. Or cheap for that matter.

Luffy gaped at Nami. She knew he needed the money for buying meat! Luffy looked at her like she'd kicked him in the face and stopped moving altogether, letting himself being pulled away into the depths of (his personal) hell.

Then Luffy pouted, forming the word 'Traitor', but Nami only winked at him cockily before wishing him a nice time with his number one fan: His overprotective, I-am-obsessed-with-my-little-adorable-baby-brother' sister Boa Hancock.

"That poor guy!" Nami laughed, not feeling sorry at all.

"There he is!" Bartolomeo shouted, which was followed by Sanji praising him and Zoro cursing loudly.

"Well done, my friend!" Sanji said and together they dashed after Zoro. If you couldn't beat the enemy, better form an alliance with him.

Nami could only giggle at that and wiped her eyes. Being a well-looking, famous actor could be hard.

She quickly inspected her nails, deciding she needed a manicure and went into her trailer. She didn't shoot any more scenes today, so she made herself comfortable and began working on her hands, listening to Zoro's and Luffy's desperate cries for help.

Being an actress was great.

YXYXYXYXYXYX

A weird way to end a weird one shot xD

(*) Scene #52 = episode 52. Did anyone notice? :D I made the scenes' numbers the episode number! Hahaha!

I had so much fun writing this! Again, it was pure crack. It came to my overtired mind after driving home at three p.m, so well... maybe that explains why I made Sanji swoon for guys instead for girls and how he hates smoking. He prefers a 'healthy' lollipop instead (pun intended).

Wow, I can't believe I got so many reviews last time! Seriously, thank you!

SniperKingSogeking0341: Yeah, could be read as ZoLu or just friendship. I like both :D

Shiary: Thanks :D You just gotta love Ace-Luffy's brotherly relationship.

scatteredPhilospher: Hello again :) Thank you so much, it means a lot to me to know someone really enjoys my fics :3

Mon Esprit Libre: Haha, I'd feel honored! :D Wow you're right, I didn't notice that until you pointed it out. I had the wrong layout, in Germany we write sentences like this „blah, blah", so I just forgot to switch it to English. Thanks for telling me^_^

Bluebird42: Aw, thanks a bunch! Makes me squeal in happiness^_^ Sure, I will write something like this if you want :)

Guest: Thanks :D

CiaossuWarty: Haha, why thank you. Glad to know there's someone who understands my weird sense of humour =D Here's the crackfic you requested, I hope it was okay!

Son of Whitebeard: Thank you! Also thanks for always dropping a comment ;)

xxXxx: Thanks ;)

I'm not crying, damn it! -sniff- Makes me so damn happy when I see all those lovely reviews!

~Neko11