Chapter 25 thanksgiving part 2 (Edward pov)
I lay watching Bella cat nap. She'd finally closed her eyes half an hour ago. It was a little after seven am and we were due at Esme and Carlisle's by nine. I just didn't want to disturb her. Stroking her hair gently I kissed the top of her head causing her to jump and stiffen in my arms. "its ok Bella it's just me." I told her gently. I heard her sigh before moving to sit up. Looking round her she took in her bearings noting how light it was outside.
"I guess we'd better get sorted soon otherwise we'll be late." She mumbled finally looking at me with big cautious eyes.
"We've got about an hour or so plenty of time for a shower and to get dressed. Though if you're not feeling up to it we can cancel and spend the day watching bad telly and eating take out." I told her stroking back a loose strand of hair.
"That would never work. Esme would likely move the dinner here instead." Bella kind of joked yet we both knew she was probably right.
"I know the answer but I'm going to ask anyway. Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" I watched her reaction, it was as if her walls were coming up all around her every time I mentioned it to her.
She shook her head furiously "I really don't want to talk about it Edward. I know what you are going to say but don't I can hear Rebecca's voice in my head. Just I don't know, can we get through today have a bit of fun and we'll talk later" she tried bargaining with me. I knew she was not likely to talk later but I really didn't want to push her too much.
"Ok, I'll agree to that but we will talk and if not us then I'm calling Rebecca and you'll talk to her. Holiday or not." I countered. I hoped that my threat would be enough to make her talk. She nodded her head yet I could already see her trying to come up with a way out of it. Pulling her to me I wrapped her in my arms her head immediately resting in its place on my chest. I rocked us back and forward for a few minutes.
"Will it always be like this one step forward and three back?" She asked her voice muffled by my top.
"You haven't taken three steps back. One nightmare won't do that. We'll get through this like everything else as a team. I'm right here and not going anywhere." I told her pulling her just that bit closer to me.
"Well apart from heading out for thanksgiving dinner. Unless we have it in this spot though I think it could be a little cramped!" She joked trying to lighten the mood.
"Funny, you know what I mean. Come on lets shower, and try to be on time we don't want to occur the wrath of Esme on thanksgiving because we've thrown her schedule for being a minute late." I responded kissing her nose. With a small giggle, which was music to my ears. We showered and dressed in record time. Bella in a simple pair of skinny jeans and a blue flowery top. She looked stunning as always yet I knew that the second anyone looked into her eyes or saw how pale she was that they'd know something was amis.
We barely made it on time. When we arrived Emmett and Jasper were on the front porch waiting for us. Both tapping their watches in a very Alice in wonderland kind of way. "you're late your late for a very important date." Emmett sang as we stood on the porch.
Looking at my watch I noticed we were about 1min late. "Em you can hardly call a minute late." I laughed at his shocked expression.
"Well if that's your attitude no second helping of pie for you then." He told me seriously before stomping back into the house. We all followed shaking our heads at his antics.
Bella headed straight for the kitchen passing Carlisle who gave her a quick hug in passing. He met us in the living room and raised his eyebrows at me. I knew he'd notice something was wrong. I shook my head knowing that this was not the time or place. Luckily he relented. Sinking into the sofa I rested my head against the back letting the noise of my family lull me. Before I knew it I was asleep.
The next thing I knew I could hear Emmett and Jasper yelling it must mean the game had started. Sighing I opened my eyes letting them adjust to the light of the room. Glancing out the window I noticed it had started to snow. It was early this year but good to see all the same. Jasper and Alice were on the two-seater. Alice lay with her head in Jaspers lap he was stroking her hair gently. Sometimes I was a little jealous of how well they seemed to get along. I just wished that Bella would rely on me just like that as well. Without her feeling guilty or as if she was a failure, didn't she see that I relied on her for everything. It just made me stronger. I felt the settee next to me dip as Carlisle sat next to me. He looked at me with his piercing gauze the one you knew there was no getting away from.
"You look exhausted and Bella even more so. Rough night?" He whispered so as not to attract attention from the others.
I sighed before running a hand over my face and trying to clear my jumbled thoughts. "Nightmare." I responded looking at him.
"Pretty bad I take it. Come help me set the table whilst we talk." He said the last a little louder letting others know where we were going.
"Ha you got roped into that one." Emmett teased whilst Jasper laughed. Alice turned to look in our direction and saw there was more to it. I swear that women was almost telepathic.
"Don't feel left out Emmett you and Jasper are on pot washing duty." Carlisle teased laughing at their stunned faces. With that we left them and headed into the dining room. "Ok what happened?" So I told him about the nightmare her refusal to talk about what happened. My feeling like a failure as if I couldn't do anything to help. "Is the Mike situation still a problem?" He asked
"She hasn't said anything else but after last nights nightmare then I guess something else has happened and she just hasn't mentioned it. God she's so damn stubborn" I finished feeling totally frustrated.
"I'm guessing your right, but her thinking is probably that there's enough going on with Alice that she didn't want to add to the stress." Carlisle tried to reason her actions.
"But that still doesn't make it right, I'm worried about anxiety she's bottling everything up, something's going to give. She'll start having either panic attacks or depression more nightmares..." I began listing off a list of a million different scenarios.
"Hey calm down for a sec I agree with you we need to sort this out. However if you begin panicking or stressing out that's not going to help anyone." He replied firmly but calmly.
"I know but I just don't know what to do I'm totally lost I'm her husband I should be able to help" I mumbled finally defeated.
"I'll help so will Esme. I'm not going to talk to her today let her relax and calm down a little tomorrow I'll come over to yours and we'll talk things out. Perhaps talk to her therapist about some meds. I know she hates the idea but it might be our only option." Carlisle suggested.
"yeah I think that sounds like a good idea I just..." "Carlisle Edward" Esme screamed from the kitchen stopping me mid sentence.
We both sprinted towards the kitchen I saw Bella laying on the floor. She looked deathly pale all my medical training completely forgotten as I saw my wife sprawled on the floor. Carlisle raced passed me and knelt at Bella's side. He rested one hand on her cheek the other checking for a pulse. "Edward come here and see if she responds to your voice, she's fainted but her breathing is steady." Carlisle instructed in his doctor voice.
Snapping out of my freeze I knelt lifting her head onto my knee I checked her pulse for myself before gently stroking her hair. "Bella baby, open your eyes for me. Come on I love you." I whispered over and over. Hoping that she would wake by the sound of my voice. After a couple of minutes there was no sign of her coming round.
"Let's get her to the sofa." Carlisle said gently lifting her from the floor and leaving the room. The weightless feeling of where her head was, it made me feel even more helpless.
"Edward huni. What's going on?" Esme asked kneeling next to me.
"Urm she had a nightmare last night and didn't sleep. She's so wound up at the minute that I don't know what to do to help. As her husband I feel useless." I admitted finally looking at her.
"Oh huni I knew things were a little tough at the minute but I had no idea things were this bad. Come on you look after Bella and I'll look after both of you." She told me in her reassuring motherly voice. Pulling me to my feet Esme led me into the living room where Bella was lay on the couch I slept on earlier. She lay covered in a blanket and Carlisle had his bag open, shining a light into her eyes. I set next to him and he looked in my direction.
"She'll be ok. She's fainted from exhaustion its her body's way of telling her to stop and take a break the best thing to do is let her rest and she will come out of it in her own time." Carlisle explained to me as well as the others. Of course I knew all this but that didn't stop me from panicking.
"Thanks Carlisle, why don't you guys grab your dinner there's no point all that food going to waste. Bella will go nuts if she finds out we didn't eat because of her." I told the others trying to salvage some of the thanksgiving dinner.
"No we'll wait it isn't right if Bella is not here. Well not awake anyway." Alice replied daring me to argue.
"Ali we all feel the same but I have to agree with Edward. Besides you need to eat soon otherwise you wont be able to take your pills." Jasper reasoned concern for his own wife which I couldn't really blame him for.
"ok how about a compromise? Everything is ready to eat everyone go make plates up and lets eat in here that way Bella's included. Then later when Bella's awake we'll have a thanksgiving leftover dinner." Carlisle told everyone not leaving much room for argument.
Everyone filed out leaving me, Bella and Carlisle alone. Kneeling up I sat with Bella placing her legs in my lap, gently rubbing her feet knowing she always likes this. After checking her pulse once more he left us alone. I couldn't help but watch the rise and fall of Bella's chest just making sure that she was still breathing. I carried on rubbing her feet until eventually it had the desired effect. Slowly she opened her eyes. It look her a while to get her bearings her eyes darting around the room until she looked at me. Her brow furrowed. "Edward what..." She began to ask but stopped herself.
"You fainted huni, in the kitchen from exhaustion. It's not really surprising really after last night." I told her gently giving her feet another squeeze.
I could see the tears in her eyes forming "I'm sorry I didn't mean to faint and ruin thanksgiving." She mumbled her voice quivering at the end.
"You can't help it. You haven't ruined anything I told everyone else to go ahead and eat we'll eat something later when your feeling up to it. Right now just rest if you want to sleep do if not just lay here for an hour then we will see about something to eat." I told her rubbing the soles of her feet gently. She sighed in response and I just left her with her thoughts. I knew she was fighting falling asleep but I just continued to rub her feet gently. Eventually she gave in and closed her eyes. A couple of minutes later everyone else came back in plates full of food. Esme of course carrying two.
"You need to eat to. We can't have both of you falling ill now can we." She told me sternly leaving no room for argument. I rested the plate on top of Bella's legs but she didn't stir.
"Bella woke up about five minutes ago. She was a little disoriented but apart from that ok. She's just resting now." I told the others. They all sighed in response glad that she had woke up even for a couple of minutes.
A lot quieter than normal we all ate thanksgiving dinner. I barely tasted what I kept putting into my mouth. But knew if I didn't Esme would be on my case. Once everyone had finished they took their plates into the kitchen. Emmett begging to go play in the falling snow. Only Rosalie agreed and after bundling Henry up they headed into the back garden. Alice and Jasper headed to their room so that Alice could get some rest. After washing the pots Carlisle and Esme joined us in the living room with Jessica who was doing a Jigsaw quietly on the floor.
"She's slept for about an hour I think that we need to wake her up mainly to make sure that she will. I can check her over then we can perhaps give her a snack." Carlisle said kneeling in front of the sofa.
I nodded my head in agreement "Bella honey, can you open your eyes for me? You need to wake up" I said quietly gently rubbing her legs to help her wake. It took a couple of minutes but she slowly began to stir, finally her eyes opened glancing cautiously around the room.
"How are you feeling Bella?" Carlisle asked taking her hand and checking her pulse.
She watched as Carlisle held her wrist gently, smiling down at her he brushed a stray hair from her forehead. "I'm ok." She whispered shifting uncomfortably under his gauze.
"That's good to hear. Now I want to talk to you about why you had the nightmare last night and what it was about." Carlisle told her gently keeping her hand in his. Her eyes refused to meet any of ours in the room and I couldn't help myself but give a sigh of frustration.
She shot me a look before tears pooled and began spilling over on her cheeks "I'm sorry I didn't mean…" Before she could finish I had her in my lap and rocked her gently as she cried into my chest. Esme after leading Jessica from the room came and sat next to us gently stroking Bella's back in comfort.
Once she was finally calm again I told her "Bella honey, you've done nothing wrong. We just want to see that you are ok. If there's anything we can do to help then please let us." I finished kissing her forehead.
She was still really hesitant her eyes darting between all of us. Why was she so worried about talking to us? "Ok, Esme, Edward why don't you both go and grab a drink whilst me and Bella sit and chat for a while." Carlisle said smiling kindly at Bella.
"I…" I tried to protest but Esme stopped me "Come on Edward." So with no better ideas I stood placing Bella back on the couch before leaving with Esme.
Neither of us went far but stood in the entrance way to the living room to listen in on what they where talking about. "Bella, I know you feel like you are a burden on this family, but can you try to see it from our point of view. When I met you for the first time the first thing I noticed was your bravery and your beautiful brown eyes. They were so expressive and sincere. You wanted nothing more than to make everyone around you happy. Yet you had no happiness in your own life. You were and still are incredibly selfless that I wish I could have a fraction of your selfishness." Carlisle finished and I wished I could have seen the look on Bella's face.
"I urm I never intentionally mean to keep things to my-self. My whole life, well it feels like it was about hiding what was happening making sure things didn't get worse. I know that's not the case any more but how do I stop, even now when deep down I know Edward and everyone else would do anything to protect me but…" She stopped taking some deep breaths.
"I do understand Bella. Its instinctual self-perseverance and you've had to use it more than anyone else I know. You don't need to any longer. Let me, Edward, Esme and any of the others take some of that pressure off you. Otherwise you're going to burn out. Now what was the nightmare about?" Carlisle asked again gently. I listened as Bella recounted her day at work yesterday. I couldn't believe that bastard had cornered her. I could feel myself shaking. I hadn't managed to protect her from him it was all my fault that this had happened. I should have insisted that more be done. Her nightmare of course stemmed from their being chased by him. By the time she had finished telling Carlisle I could hear the tears in her voice.
"Thank you honey. I know how hard that was for you. Come here" He told her and I pictured Carlisle pulling Bella to his side and hugging her.
Not being able to stand it any longer I rushed back into the room and sat back on my old spot she immediately sank into me burying her head against my chest. "I'm here and I'm never going away no matter what." I told her hopefully in a reassuring way.
"Even when I'm being crazy?" She mumbled through her tears.
"Hey no you're not crazy and never will be. I love every single bit of you and that will never change." I told her kissing her cheek tenderly.
Bella eventually calmed down and seemed more calm than she had done the last couple of days. I persuaded her to sit and eat a little dinner. The others of course helping themselves to a second helping. While she was quiet sat by my side she seemed more at peace a great weight lifting off her shoulders.
We'd finished eating dinner "Ok I think it would be a good idea if you all stayed here tonight. It's snowing pretty heavily." Esme said beaming at everyone in the room.
"Yeah that would be fun we haven't been under the same roof in forever" Alice giggled smiling at everyone. Rosalie, Emmett and myself readily agreed I glanced at Bella who nodded in agreement yet didn't seem happy about it one bit. Grabbing her hand I pulled her into the kitchen she leant against the side and I stood in front of her my arms encasing her on either side.
"Ok if you don't want to stay I'm perfectly happy with going home." I told her leaning in to kiss her lips.
"No I do want to stay I just..." she trailed off and looked down at her feet.
"You can tell me anything." I encouraged pulling her to my chest.
"What if I have another nightmare and everyone hears?" She asks finally looking up to meet my eyes.
"You know your nightmares are nothing to be ashamed of don't you?" I asked wondering if this was why she really didn't want to stay.
"Yeah I just it was bad enough with you hearing I just don't want everyone else knowing how bad they are it I…" She tried to explain as Carlisle walked into the kitchen carrying empty dishes.
"Hey you two everything ok?" Carlisle asked glancing between us. Bella immediately nodded her head forcing a small smile on her face.
I raised my eyebrows at her "Bella doesn't want to sleep over tonight if she has another nightmare and wakes everyone up" I told Carlisle whilst Bella shot daggers at me. "I'm sorry honey but if you refuse to talk without some persuasion then we're going to do it for you." I finished hoping she wouldn't be to mad and see that it was in her best interest.
Carlisle glanced at us before speaking "Ok Bella I have some tablets to help you sleep, they will also stop you from dreaming. That way you get a good night's sleep whilst not being worried about dreams"
"I don't want to take anything." She mumbled shaking her head.
"Sweetheart, I'm not saying you have to take these all the time. It's quite possible that a one-off will be enough. A good night's sleep can do wonders." He told her kindly.
"Urm I don't know. Edward what do you think?" She asked and I could see the fear and uncertainty in her eyes.
"I think it's a good idea love. A good night's sleep without being disturbed would be ideal for you. I'll be by your side all night protecting you." I told her encouraging her to take the tablet.
"Ok" She told Carlisle who squeezed her shoulders lovingly before leaving the room.
I hugged her to me glad that she had accepted this help. I knew I needed to get her in to talk to Rebecca again. Perhaps talk to her myself. There had to be a way to get her to relay on me our family a little more. A couple of hours later we were back in our old room Bella sound asleep as I held her tightly. We may have taking one step forward and three steps back but I hoped that she would eventually stop hiding things from me.
One thing was for sure there was no way I was going to let Mike bloody Newton get to her like this. No one would ever hurt her again.