Iryo-nin Kasa (医療忍傘)

Chapter Twenty-Five: Hacks!

"…I can't believe you're this bad," noted Kushina as she hovered over my latest attempt at drawing seals. "Naruto's finger-paintings look better than this."

I scowled and glared at the mess of Rorschach blots I tried to call seals. "I told you, I couldn't do it."

In my old life, I've gotten plenty of people telling me that I should become a doctor. Note, that it has nothing to do with my intellectual prowess or my compassion toward others, which I must add is near non-existent. It has everything to do with my chicken-scratch handwriting. Hell, it's bad to the point that sometimes I don't even know what the hell I wrote. I was lucky that Hizashi showed pity and let me off from calligraphy lessons when I managed to make my words legible.

"This might be a problem," sighed Kushina as she ran her hand through her hair. "A seal user that can't make seals. You're not going to be able to do much if you can't even make a basic storage seal. Not unless you can find a seal maker that matches your specialization."

"Kaa-san told me as much when she tested me." I grumbled, rubbing my hands over my face in frustration. "Where am I going to find a seal maker?"

"I would offer to make seals for you, but it's probably best you find a partner that's compatible, considering… well, you know," apologized Kushina sheepishly.

Her hand briefly brushed over her stomach, hinting at the demonic chakra we carried, in case Naruto was listening in. Had I not become a pseudo jinchuriki, Kushina could very well made all the seals I would ever need. Unfortunately, due to the fact that she was formerly the Kyubi's jinchuriki and I have large amounts of Isobu's chakra running through my system, our chakras didn't mesh well and when used in seals, they either worked poorly or not at all.

Thank god that's all it did, can you image if it blew up? I'd be cursing the unfairness of the Uzumaki curse. Making me a perfect seal user, but with absolutely no talent in making seals. Then, when I find someone who could make me seals, my chakra is not compatible! What kind of bullshit is this?

"What about the seals on my body? Can we experiment with that? They're information seals right? Maybe there's something there I could use?" I suggested.

"Hmm…" pondered Kushina.

"You said I could try it as long as I have supervision right?" I pointed out.

"I much rather you didn't until you've gotten more training," noted Kushina with a finger to her cheek.

"But it's almost time for my evaluations!" I protested.

"They're just evaluations, they're not going to take away your ninja status if you don't do well," sighed Kushina exasperatedly.

"Then how come Tokuma and Santa aren't getting them? Hell, I don't think Shisui or Itachi's teams are getting that either." I protested.

"Well," started Kushina uncomfortably, but she never bothered finishing her sentence.

"Still having trouble?" asked Tesuri as he poked his head in from the other room.

"Trouble!" shouted Naruto gleefully from his arms.

"This is hopeless!" I dropped my head onto the table loudly, not caring about the pain or the ink that was sure to smudge all over my face.

As you can already tell, evaluations were not part of the norm for genins, those were usually done for jounin and Anbu-leveled shinobi to assure that they would not meet an early death whether due to exhaustion or debilitating injuries. Continuing on this line of thought, I get the sinking feeling this evaluation has everything to do with whether or not I could take up the role of being Naruto's keeper, on the off chance he decides to go absolute nuts and unleash the Kyubi on these poor bastards.

At this point, had I been Isobu's actual container, I might just release the demon to spite them. Screw protecting Konoha, they're going to push me to Madara and turn them all into good little puppets with the way things are going. Stupid Danzo and his shadow machinations, if on the off chance I turn evil, the first thing I'm doing after I become supreme overlord of the world is to off the conniving old man. Let's see how he likes them apples!

"Kasa," said Kushina as she knocked on the table lightly to catch my attention. "Did you hear a word I said?"

"No." I sulked and wailed. "What's the point? I can't make any seals and it's not likely I'll find another seal master that would make them for me. I'm going to fail the evaluations!"

"Stop being dramatic," chuckled Kushina. "There's more than one way to make a seal."

I rolled my head to glance at her. "What do you mean?"

She grinned brightly. "Are you interested?"

"You're not pulling my leg are you?" I asked suspiciously.

"You can be the judge of that for yourself, do you want to try it or not?" asked Kushina, her grin never wavering.

"…I'll bite." I said after a moment. "How does this other method work exactly?"

"We're going to need a bigger space to work with," said Kushina before she glanced towards Tesuri. "What time do you have work?"

"I can watch Naruto for a couple of hours if you need," offered Tesuri in amusement.

"Great! You can come along and be my guinea pig," said Kushina cheerily.

"…Wait, what?" said Tesuri before he found himself pushed out of the door with Naruto in his arms.

It was a bit amusing to see Tesuri dumbfounded so easily by the energetic woman. Maybe he has a weakness against Uzumaki women? Or maybe just the Uzumaki blood in general. I swear Naruto has him wrapped around his little fingers with how Tesuri dotes on him. Hmm… I wonder if that's why he joined Akatsuki in the first place.

Anyway, Kushina wanted to use Tesuri as a sparring partner as a means for demonstration. Of course, I had no clue that was what she planned until we were in the third training ground and Naruto was thrust into my arms, a safe distance away.

"Come at me," said Kushina as she rolled her arms and cracked her knuckles in preparation.

"…Are you sure?" asked Tesuri. "You haven't had a spar since Naruto was born."

"Oh shut up and just do it. It's not much of a demonstration if I don't have someone attacking me. It's a defensive sealing technique anyhow," said Kushina with her hands at her hips. "Come on, we don't have all day."

Tesuri sighed through his nose as he slipped into his basic stance. "All right, all right," said the man as Kushina raised her arms delicately as if she was going to dance.

The two had a brief stare off as if to size up one another before Tesuri took the first move. The blue-haired man charged, arms maneuvering in a manner that distracted the eyes from his true movements. Kushina in turn twirled and skipped around his attacks much like a fast-paced gypsy dance. Actually, now that I've a better look, she really is doing a gypsy dance.

"This isn't much of a defense," noted Tesuri as he casually threw in another attack, half-hearted at best. He wasn't even bothering going beyond taijutsu in fear that he might hurt her. "I thought this was supposed to be a demonstration. You're not going to demonstrate much if you're going to dance the whole way."

"Did your wife tolerate you being such a pansy when it came to sparring?" drawled Kushina. "Just attack me already."

Tesuri raised a brow. "Are you trying to incite me, Uzumaki-san?"

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me by my name? For goodness sakes we've been living together for two years!" grumbled Kushina.

Why do I get the feeling that they're flirting? I shook my head, damn overactive imagination. As I turned my attention back towards the fight, I noticed that Kushina hasn't whipped out any pre-made seals or even unleashed any ninjutsu or genjutsu attacks. Just what does…? Oh… Oh!

"Uzumaki-san, I—"

"Tou-san! Beneath you!" I interrupted, but it was too late.

Kushina grinned gleefully as she slapped her hand to the ground. "Got you!"

Tesuri had but a moment to glance at his feet before the ground turned into sludge and plunged him, knee-deep into the liquefied ground. He would've went deeper I suspected, if not for the amount of chakra he was pulsating around him. I'm really jealous at the speed he could direct his chakra throughout his body. If I was in his position, no doubt I'd be neck-deep if not under.

A contemplative look crossed Tesuri's face as he tried to make sense of the situation. There were no seals on the ground and judging by how he attacked, he made certain that she couldn't draw any efficiently, if at all.

"Interesting, I expected you to draw seals with your feet, especially since you decided to fight while dancing," noted Tesuri as he breathed out through his nose. "But you didn't make any marks on the ground."

Kushina snorted. "That would be obvious wouldn't it? And considering Kasa-chan can't even write her name legibly to save her life, what makes you think she can do it with her feet?"

"I'm within hearing distance!" I shouted.

"I hear you sweety," returned Kushina, but her attention remained on Tesuri. "I'm a bit out of practice with this method of seal combat, but I'm surprised at the speed you've counter it. If Kasa didn't warn you, how deep would you have plunged?"

"Maybe waist deep," replied Tesuri as he carefully pulled himself out by wiggling his leg and pushing down at the sludge with his chakra enhanced hands. "But in that situation, I might not be able to defend myself."

"Oh, you're just being modest," grinned Kushina.

Good lord, they're trading false pleasantries.

"Someone throw a punch already!" I grumbled under my breath. Naruto glanced up at me with a clueless expression and babbled incoherently. "You said it little buddy."

For the life of me, I couldn't make sense how Kushina managed to perform that earth-base attack without any seals in sight. If I didn't feel something going off, I would've never known she was making one. There were no hand seals, no drawn seals, nada, zip, zilch. Seriously, I was on the same line of thought with Tesuri, completely expecting her to draw with her feet. How did she do it?

"Did you work it out yet?" grinned Kushina as she and Tesuri strolled over.

"You cheated." I concluded after a moment. "There's no way you could've done that without hand seals or premade seals."

Thwack!

"Guess again," said Kushina as she smacked me upside the head.

"Ow!" I complained, covering the back of my head, grumbling as I tried to think of another answer. "It has something to do with the dance?"

"And?" continued Kushina teasingly.

My frown deepened, but I couldn't think of a single answer. However, Tesuri on the other hand does have some clue to how she did it. Though, I can't make heads or tails of the hand signs he was trying to use to pass the message on.

"Awkward turtle?" I said in confusion before Tesuri sighed and raised a hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose.

Kushina gave Tesuri a hearty slap to the back. "You tried."

"How do we normally perform ninjutsu or genjutsu?" said Tesuri in exasperation.

"Hand seals." I replied bluntly. "What does that have to do with this? Kushina-san didn't use hand seals."

"No, but what did she use?" continued Tesuri patiently.

I frowned and glanced at Kushina again. Her smile never wavering as she rolled her wrist in a delicate manner often used for exotic dances. I paused… You've got to be shitting me.

"The dance moves are seals?" I said in disbelief.

"Bingo!" said Kushina brightly. "Personally, it's not a form of seals I like to use since it's so elaborate and bothersome, but since you seem to pick up dances like fish to water, this is probably the best form of seals you can use."

"…How is it different from using hand seals?" I frowned. "Wouldn't hand seals work faster?"

"How fast can you seal with your hands?" asked Kushina.

"Uh… maybe ten to thirty seconds depending on what jutsu it is?" I said uncertainly.

"How fast can you molding your chakra while doing that?" continued Kushina.

I paused, pondering on the matter.

"All seals work the same, it's just the matter of how fast you can activate one or the other and how much chakra you expend when doing so," said Kushina as she went into lecture mode. "Pre-made seals give the advantage of not needing to mold and shape the chakra required to perform a jutsu. However, the issue that lies within it is that you need to know exactly how to channel chakra through such seals."

I raised a brow at this and she grinned.

"You, of course, have no issue, you're a natural at seal activation, but since you can't make a seal to save your life," I grimaced here. "You'll have to rely on another means of creating mass destruction."

"…Don't you mean self-preservation?" interrupted Tesuri.

"Wasn't that what I said?" asked Kushina with false innocence.

I found myself grinning as the fiery red-haired woman worked her way around Tesuri. The man really had no defense against her outside of battle.

"Anyway," continued Kushina as she flicked her hair behind her. "Since you're an enforcer type, the ninjutsu and genjutsu fields will never be your strong points unless you work in conjunction with another person. Your issue is in molding and manipulating chakra for specific purposes. You can, through hard work, overcome this, but…"

"But for the purpose of the evaluation, I'm not being tested on how well I work as support for others, am I?" I finished grimly.

An apologetic look crossed Kushina's face. "Unfortunately, most evaluations judge you on how well you work alone and on your individual skillsets."

I sighed dejectedly. "So, what's the point in learning dance seals? It's going to take just as long as doing hand seals. Maybe even longer."

"And that's where you're wrong," chirped Kushina. "Can you tell me what's the difference between a dance seal and a hand seal?"

"…Aside from the fact that one uses the legs and the other uses the hands?" I answered in a deadpan.

Thwack!

"Ow! Stop doing that!" I whined, holding my head.

"Take this seriously and I might," huffed Kushina.

"Uzumaki-san didn't only use her legs," inserted Tesuri, giving me a break for a change and for that my head is utterly grateful.

"Geez, why don't you tell her all the answers while you're at it?" grumble Kushina, but let it go for the sake of the lesson. "With hand seals, choice amounts of chakra is gathered and manipulated through the hands before a jutsu is unleashed. However, with dance seals, there's no need to concentrate chakra into a specific area considering the entirety of your body is used to make the seal."

For those of you who are lost in all this seal mumble jumble, here is the layman's explanation for how dance seals and hand seals work. Hand seals equals to putting a pen to paper, crafting the alphabet in calligraphy. Dance seals equals to dancing ballet to the YMCA song. Depending whether you're artistically talented or physically talented, the results varies. In my case, physical conditioning and instinct are my strong points rather than calculations and planning.

"So…" I started slowly as I filtered and sorted out Kushina's lecture. "If I master the dance seals, there's a possibility that I might be able to fight on an even plane with others, rather than just stand as support?"

"That's the idea," agreed Kushina. "After all, you do have a big role to uphold."

I tilt my head in confusion at her words.

"Did you forget your promise to be the best-est big sister to Naruto?" sighed Kushina. "How exactly are you going to watch over Naruto if you can't even take care of yourself?"

"I can too take care of myself!" I huffed and hugged the little bundle of energy in my lap. "Dance seals? Ha, it shouldn't take me that long to master them! Just you watch, I'll be the best there is! Right Naruto?"

"Wight!" giggled Naruto in agreement.

As confident as I was in mastering the four elements—I mean dance seals, I only had two weeks before my evaluation, which meant I practically had no time to learn anything significantly badass.

"Hello, Kasa-kun," greeted Hiruzen. "Are you ready for your evaluation?"

"…Can I reschedule to another time?" I asked lamely before Kurei jabbed me discretely with his elbow. "I mean, yes."

Hiruzen chuckled. "No need to be so anxious. It's only a merely a formality to check on your progress. It's not detrimental to your career."

Like hell this is merely a formality. Why the hell is Danzo sitting there if it's merely a formality?

"Let's see how much you've improved in the span of six months," droned Danzo. "Personally, I believe she should be under a mentor and not a team."

"I can assure you Danzo-sama that Kasa improved exponentially since her graduation," offered Kurei.

"I'll be the judge of that," noted Danzo offhandedly.

Great…

"Shall we proceed with the evaluations?" asked Hiruzen pleasantly.

Not that I have much choice in the matter.

"What do I need to do?" I asked.

"I've arranged a sparring partner for you. You needn't defeat him, but do try your best," said Hiruzen in his grandfatherly tone. "Tenzo, you may come in."

Tenzo? Now why does that name sound familiar?

"Hokage-sama," greeted a young man at the door.

Curiously, I glanced through my peripheral vision as he made his way to Kurei's other side. Brown hair, dark eyes, a happuri-styled hitai-ate, something that's not common at all, basic weapon's pouches on the hip and leg and a short sword strapped to his back… Hmm… I resisted the urge to scratch my head in wonder. Somehow I get the feeling I should know who he is, but the name Tenzo isn't ringing a bell at all. Quite sure he's not a major villain or else I would definitely remember… but…

"Kasa, this is Tenzo, he will be assisting with your evaluation," noted Hiruzen.

"A pleasure to meet you," greeted the young man pleasantly. "I look forward to our match."

"The pleasure is mine." I replied with a bow, Hizashi's training kicked in while my brain was busy trying to figure out who he was.

"Well, at least she's gained some manners," commented Danzo offhandedly. "Let's proceed with the evaluation."

Tenzo gave a formal bow before flourishing a hand towards the door. "Shall we relocate to the training grounds?"

I gave a silent nod and followed with my superiors in tow. As we changed locations, my gaze stayed on him. Just why the hell was he so familiar? Argh, its times like these that I curse the paranoia that kept me from making notes. Is this guy significant in any manner?

"We're here," noted Tenzo as we came to a stop.

For the first time, I took a look at my surroundings and inwardly cursed at my short attention span. Which training ground was this? Hell, are we going to do a straight up fight or guerilla warfare? Can I even handle guerrilla warfare at this point and time? Quickly, I surveyed the area. Trees, trees and what do you know, more trees.

However, unlike the trees in the other training grounds or the civilian sectors of the village, these trees looked old. And by old, I meant ancient. Trees throughout the village and elsewhere ranged from twenty to eighty years in age. Judging by the thick trunks here, these were likely here before the village was formed. The thick humid air made the place feel more like a jungle than a forest. The hell? Do we have a training ground like this?

"Training ground number forty-four," noted Hiruzen wistfully. "It's been quite some time since I've been here."

My blood ran cold. Did he say forty-four? Why the hell are we doing my evaluation in a death trap like this place?

"Hokage-sama, isn't training ground forty-four restricted for genin?" I asked, doing my best not to squeak as I queried.

"Normally," agreed Hiruzen. "However, we would like to see how well you perform in less savory conditions. Every mission you had thus far was either low D-ranked missions or reconnaissance-based C-ranked missions. Neither required much combat according to the mission reports. For the evaluation, we'll use this as a chance to test your combative abilities among other things."

By other things, I think he meant survivability. Good lord, I'm going to have to contend with this Tenzo guy while trying to survive this death trap? I am so going to die. I know this village is known to produce child prodigies that can handle this shit, but I'm no prodigy! I'd be lucky if I don't trip and fall to my doom within the first ten minutes being here.

"Make sure you pay attention to your surroundings," suggested Kurei as he left me with some last minute tips.

Quite sure if Hizashi didn't put me through his training regime, I'd be quaking with my knees knocking.

"Please advise me." I said with a solid bow before tugging my umbrella into combat position.

"Likewise," said Tenzo as he shifted into a fighting stance.

"Time limit is sundown. Your objective is to either incapacitate or capture your opponent. No restrictions," said Hiruzen.

Danzo raised a brow at this. "No restrictions?"

"I trust their capable judgment," said Hiruzen with a bright grin. "At the ready! Begin!"

Immediately, I launched a handful of senbons before my opponent can retaliate. As he moved to dodge, I knocked my umbrella onto my shoulder and quickly went through the hand seals for the Hidden Mist Jutsu and released a dense cloud of mist into the immediate area using the water from the humidity.

"Hiding already?" commented Tenzo.

I didn't respond as I made note the general location where his voice came from. I know already I can't beat him in an outright match. If I want any chance at all, I would have to rely on hit-and-run tactics or traps. If my arsenal of skills was listed in a convenient battle menu, you would immediately notice the majority of those skills were meant for hiding and fleeing and have no place on the battlefield.

Sure, my list of iryo-ninjutsu has grown impressively since I've gotten training from both Rin and Tesuri, but I seldom get to use it considering the missions I go on rarely calls for a medic. Actually, it'd be sad if they actually needed me to heal them on those missions.

"Water Release: Hand of Waves!" shouted Tenzo.

I bit back a yelp as a torrent of water crashed through the mist, nearly plowing me into the closest tree. The mist dispersed some as I stared wide-eyed at the older boy. You've got to be shitting me. He can do elemental attacks? How is this even fair?

"That was short-lived," commented Tenzo in good humor.

Damn it! I inwardly cursed as I moved my hands again to reestablish the Hidden Mist Jutsu. All right, no more distractions this time! No thinking, just acting! I know that's a bad plan, but any plan I make will go down south the instant I'm done thinking it through.

Using the temporary coverage the mist offered I delved into training ground forty-four's forest. Hardly the safest place to hide in my case, but since I'm running on instinct rather than common sense, you'll have to excuse this poor decision. Step-by-step, jump-by-jump, I danced and dodged Tenzo's barrage of water-based attacks, hoping I could outlast his chakra supply.

"Shit, shit, shit! Why don't I have any long range attacks?" I found myself bemoaning as I danced out of the way of another torrent of water, using my umbrella as a shield to deflect whatever I couldn't dodge.

Had I been on the standard ninja shoes, I would've been fucked three times over. Unlike the typical trees surrounding Konoha, the trees within training ground forty-four has an abundance of chakra surging through them, which meant sticking to them made it harder than usual and—SHIT! Curse you short attention span!

"This just isn't fair." I came to a screeching halt, finding myself in front of a ginormous spider web with Tenzo following close behind.

"End of the line," noted Tenzo when he caught up.

Damn it, I just needed a little more time!

"How much chakra would you say you have left?" I asked, wheezing and heaving as I planted my umbrella on the ground as a makeshift cane.

"You do know it's easier for you to surrender at this point right?" pointed out the older boy.

"At least half right?" I ignored his advice and gave a wild guess. Tenzo's grin told me that I wasn't even close. "Good enough I suppose. I would've liked it if you had less than that though."

"Good enough?" repeated Tenzo in puzzlement before I clapped my hands together and summoned whatever chakra I could for the upcoming fist fight.

In that same instance, I dropped into the Hyuga's Gentle Fist stance before charging at Tenzo with great fervor. One issue with using the Gentle Fist style was that only a Hyuga could ever pull it off efficiently with the help of their byakugan. Consider I neither have the eyes or the necessary accuracy; I'm going to butcher the style to something more useable for me.

One thrust and another, I tried to strike at the general vicinity of the tenketsu points I was familiar with. Tenzo recovered from his bout of confusion and defended himself by dodging and redirecting my attacks. Unfortunately for him, he was in for a shock, all puns intended, as the chakra wasn't limited to my hands.

"YAH!" Tenzo yelped as his hand instinctively clamped down harder on my arm from the electric charge from my chakra.

"Lightning Release: Defibrillation." I supplied, relieved that it worked at all.

Technically, this jutsu is near useless in combat, considering it does little to no damage to whomever it's used on. The actual application for this jutsu is actually used in emergencies to restart the heart, hence the name defibrillation. Unless I could land the jutsu directly on someone's heart, the most they'll get was a nasty shock that'll stun them for a minute or so. However, for the purpose of this match, I needn't kick his ass, I just need to restrain and capture. I can't believe it, victory is mine! I actually—

CRACK!

"W-Wood Style: Smothering Binding Jutsu!" stuttered Tenzo through the shock before his arm turned into a tree with branches rapidly growing into wood-like vines.

"You've got to be kidding!" I said in disbelief as I moved to perform seals for the replacement jutsu, but unfortunately, Tenzo still had a firm grip on my arm, preventing me from escaping.

"S-sorry, but not this time," said Tenzo with a weak grin as I saw the barrage of wooden vines coming at me like a tentacle monster.

"Oh no, you don't!" I snarled, sick of always having the odds against me.

There was still enough chakra in my free hand for another defibrillation. I was ready to slam it into Tenzo's chest when suddenly he shoved me aside instead. Not expecting the sudden change in attack, I barely had enough time to catch myself and jump to another branch before I fell off.

"What's the big—" I started when I regained my footing, but stopped abruptly when I realized why Tenzo shoved me out of the way in the manner he did. Apparently, our scuffle attracted unwanted attention from the owner of the ginormous spider web I nearly ran into moments earlier and it wanted a piece of the action.

"I call hacks!" I snapped before hastily raising my umbrella to block of a particularly nasty spray of web from the spider, but the spray didn't seem to let up as I quickly noticed my legs were encased in the sticky substance as well.

By the time the spider was done, my umbrella was at least ten pounds heavier and I was glued to the spot, quite literally. Lowering my weapon, I resigned with an exasperated sigh as I stared at the terrifyingly enormous, black beady eyes.

"FML." I grunted as it screeched and came at me.

Author's Note: Two weeks! Almost back to the old schedule! Life is finally looking up for a change! At least for me, can't say the same for Kasa! How will she get out of this mess? Find out next time!