Disclaimer: Aside from wishing everyone a wonderful and blessed holiday season, please let me state these characters belong solely to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT. I make no profit from their use.

Chapter 26

The suicide haunted Jane for the next few days. She couldn't get the idea out of her mind that a young man, bullied for being different or gay, was in so much pain he took his own life. Maura watched Jane, understanding how she felt, but unable to help. The following night Jane wrapped Maura in her arms as they waited to fall asleep.

"I'm sorry, Maura," Jane whispered.

"What are you sorry for, Jane? You haven't done anything wrong," Maura whispered back.

"Tomorrow is the 23rd. We're getting married on the 24th and Christmas is the day after. This is supposed to be the most joyous time of year because of the holidays, and I should be ecstatic over our impending marriage."

"You've had a few distractions these last few days, love. Please try to put it out of your mind." Jane was silent for a few moments.

"What if that had been Angelo?" Jane asked reluctantly. Maura caught her breath.

"Hopefully that will never happen. Angelo is open enough with you now, hopefully when he becomes a teenager that openness and line of communication will still be there."

"What if it isn't? I can't bear to lose any of my children, Maura, the same way I can't bear the thought of losing you."

"I'm not going anywhere, Jane. Neither is Angelo or Caitlyn. We've had some tough times this year but things are started to look up for us."

"We don't know what the future holds. I can't bear the thought of one of our colleagues coming to us, telling us they found one of our kids dead somewhere."

Maura turned to face Jane. "Love, we don't know what the future holds. We have right now. We're not guaranteed tomorrow or the next five minutes. We love each other now, we tell each other they're loved and we do our best. That's all we can do."

Jane stared into Maura's eyes. "I've been reckless in the past with my own safety, Maur. You know that. You were right there several years ago when I shot myself. I have scars. How do you do it, Maur? How do you love me, stay in my life, knowing someday I may walk out the door for the last time?"

Tears formed in Maura's eyes. "I know you have a dangerous job, Jane. To a lesser extent so do I. My office is in the lower level of the precinct. We faced that the day you shot yourself to save Frankie and me. Any one of us could have died that day. But we didn't. You recovered, Frankie got better and we're here. I choose to believe you will not be as reckless as you once were. You have children and now me. I choose to believe you remember us subconsciously when you're chasing down a suspect and you take your own safety into account. Ask any cop's wife how they deal with this and you'll have your answer."

"I love you, Maura. Never forget that. Anything ever happens to me on the job please remember I thought of you and our children as I died."

"Jane, please don't talk like this. We're getting married day after tomorrow. We'll be starting a whole new life together. I don't want to carry such a heavy conversation down the aisle."

"I am pleased your application to adopt Caitlyn and Angelo was approved Maura. I couldn't ask for a better mother for my children."

"Jane, can we please change the subject? You're talking like you expect something to happen to you in the very near future."

"No, I don't. It's just that someone in enough pain to take his own life, especially someone too young to understand that life does get better, chooses to end it all. We lost their personality, their potential, whatever they might have contributed to our world. We're poorer for the loss. Why can't they see that?" Jane was openly crying now. Maura pulled her into her arms and began lightly kissing Jane's face.

"Love, please calm down. Unfortunately we can't do anything anymore for someone already gone but maybe we can come up with something to reach out to others. Shall we discuss this after our honeymoon?"

Jane nodded. Wiping her tears away Maura leaned in closer for a different kind of kiss. Jane's arms encircled Maura and pulled her close. Finally breaking apart for a breath of air Jane couldn't resist showing Maura how much she loved her. Rolling Maura onto her back Jane made love to Maura into the early hours of the morning.

TBC This chapter is a little shorter. Hang in there; it gets better.