Title: So This Is Christmas
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Chicago PD
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.
SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.
"We can get it resized," Jay said and Erin glanced down at her fiddling fingers. She wasn't even entirely sure that she'd realized she'd been twisting the ring around her finger she'd been so lost in thought.
There was a lot to think about. It'd been quite the day. A good day. But it was a lot to process and it was going to take a while for her to just settle with it.
She turned to look at him, giving him a small smile. He was propped up on his elbow, gazing at her almost too intensely while she'd been spaced out just looking blankly at the bottom of the bunk above them. They were huddled on the bottom bunk together. It was a pretty tight fit. Jay was pretty much too tall for the bed and the twin mattress was almost too narrow for both of them to comfortably lay together. But it had sort of meant it was a good cuddle space. Not that they'd really been cuddling. She'd be laying on her back just lost in thought while he'd apparently been examining her.
She gave him a little shrug. "That's likely a good idea," she said. "If you're OK with adjusting a family heirloom."
"Yea," he said and reached to still her fiddling, gazing at the ring on her finger. "Don't want you losing it or thinking you can take it off willy-nilly."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Willy-nilly?"
He gave her a smile. "Got it on your finger. You're stuck with it now."
"Mmm," she allowed and looked down at the ring again. She wasn't going to argue that point. The ring really was beautiful. It was so different than anything you'd just find in a jewellery store. So incredibly unique. But she could feel the weight of it knowing that it was something his mother had worn. And his great-grandmother. It was a piece of those women. And getting to wear it was a privilege. And a responsibility. She'd hate herself if she lost or damaged it – or him.
"I can get you a chain for it, if you're worried about wearing it on the job," he told her more quietly, still staring at it himself, resting his chin against her shoulder and holding her hand in his so they could both look at the promise and commitment that was sitting there on her finger.
"Mmm …" she allowed again and shrugged. "I haven't really decided how I want to deal with that. I don't want to damage it, though."
She felt him give a little nod against her shoulder. His chin was kind of pointy. "It's OK," he conceded. "Lots of cops don't wear their wedding rings."
"Mmm …" she allowed again.
But she honestly wasn't sure what she wanted to do yet. There were all kinds of reasons why cops didn't wear engagement rings or wedding bands. There were safety issues and their were personal issues and then there was that some of them were just dogs. But whatever she might decide in the future or what reasoning she may have, right now she really liked looking at it and seeing it there. Though, she supposed if she put it around her neck, she'd still be able to see it and fiddle with it. Technically it'd be closer to her heart then, which was kind of nice in a super cheesy kind of way. Not wearing it on her hand might be safer for the ring and her. Generally, having your family on display in their line of work was a bad idea. Hank would likely remind her of that. But she didn't need a reminder. She lived it. She just wasn't ready to tuck and hide this away quite yet, though.
"You leave it on your finger and we're going to have to tell people at work sooner rather than later," Jay said flatly.
"Ahh … I'm pretty sure it's going to get around," she said, casting him a sarcastic glance.
"Not from Voight or Olinsky," Jay said.
She raised her eyebrow at him. "You know who will break the news," she put to him pointedly. "And Mr. Who is likely going to be into the district some time over the break for Hank's free babysitting and day camp routine."
Jay let out an unimpressed snort but smiled a little and hid it against her shoulder. "We could gag him," he muttered into the cotton of her sleep tshirt.
"Good luck with that," she said. She tilted her hand around in the dim light some more. Even in the dark the diamond seems to sparkle. Catch the right just the right way. Almost like Jay's eyes. More sap. Apparently getting proposed to – getting engaged – turned you into some sentimental cliché. "Ruzek's going to be so pissed."
"Fuck Ruzek," he muttered.
She gave him an unimpressed look. "Please don't," she said.
"Let him pout," Jay said. "Such a fucking Drama Queen."
Erin shrugged a little. "Yeah," she agreed. "But I still don't like taking their thunder."
"Whatever," Jay huffed against her again.
"Kim's a nice girl," Erin defended a little.
"Yea, a nice girl," Jay provided. "But she can be as naïve as fuck. She should've seen what she was getting into with Ruzek."
Erin let out a little sigh and reached up to tap on his cheek and ear. He kept his head against her, looking down at the ringing.
"Don't be so hard on Adam," she told him.
"I have to be hard on Ruzek," Jay said quietly. "He doesn't think half the time. Charges fucking blindly into everything. He wants to do that with marriage – fine. His business. But at work? He's going to get himself or someone else killed eventually."
She decided not to engage in one of his rants about Adam that night. He could get so hyped up about it. Get up on a high horse and get down right huffy. Besides, she really didn't feel like talking about Adam Ruzek that night.
So she strained her neck to catch his eyes while stroking at his hair. It was a little awkward position but they were already playing acrobatic pretzels to fit into the bed anyways. He gazed at her as she gave him a thin smile.
"You telling me you aren't charging blindly into this?" she asked.
Jay shook his head at her. "I think I know exactly what I'm getting myself into."
She let out a small laugh at that. "That so?"
"It is," he said as he leaned in and placed a small kiss on her lips. It was too short and she kept her hand on the back of his head as he pulled away. "What were you thinking about all spaced out there?"
"Mmm …" she shrugged at him and kept tugging gently at the short hairs on the back of his tight cropped haircut. The haircut that her baby brother had emulated when he'd finally agreed – or been forced – to cut his shaggy locks. "Nothing very romantic."
"You aren't over thinking this and second-guessing things?" he asked, his eyes looking more concerned.
She shook her head and brought her head up off the pillow to find his lips again. "No," she assured as they parted.
"Then what?" he asked, reaching and tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear and stroking at her cheek with the back of his one knuckle. And just looking at her.
The way he looked at her sometimes made her so uncomfortable. It was so intense. Like he could see through her and read her and know everything about her. Like she just couldn't hide anything from him. She'd really struggled with that at the start – when they were even just trying a relationship that was mostly sex. But she'd gotten better about being able to be still in it. To not run away from it. To feel special in knowing that he could see her. To let him have that. To understand that was something she could give him. That she trusted him enough to do that.
"Mmm … something Hank said," she allowed.
"What'd he say?" Jay asked with a touch of concern emminating in his tone.
She shrugged. "Nothing," she tried.
"Then why are you thinking about it like you're off in another state," Jay pressed.
She let out a little sigh and almost unconsciously reached up and fiddled with his hair again. "He was just really forward about wanting another grandchild," she said quietly. "He's never done that before. I know with some of things he says or the way I catch him looking at me, that he thinks—"
"You're turning into an old cat lady," Jay provided for her.
She gaped at him and slapped him in the stomach. He brought his arm up protectively but lay there grinning like a fool and trying to stifle his laughter at her.
"Well, you aren't now," he argued. "You got a ring. He can stop worrying."
She just shook her head at him and rolled her eyes, looking away from him and being sure to elbow him in the ribs several times while she adjusted herself on the bed. But he scooted up behind her and pushed the hair away from her neck, planting a kiss there. A slow, sucking on with tongue trailing across her sensitive skin.
"You know," Jay said when he finally stopped and she made a small sound of protest at the stop. "We could work on that whole grandchild thing for him."
She snorted and rolled off her shoulder a bit to look behind him again. "One," she said. "We aren't working on the whole grandchild thing until we've had several long talks about it. Two. I think he was hoping for a grandchild in wedlock."
Jay shrugged at her. "We're half way there."
Erin rolled her eyes. "Three," she put more firmly gestured at their sleeping arrangement. "We're in Ethan's bunkbeds. We aren't even going to be able to sleep like this."
"So if we aren't sleeping, we might as well be doing something else," Jay said and raised an eyebrow at her.
She made an exasperated noise at him. "Get on top, Jay. I'm tired." He grinned widely at her and she glared. "On the top bunk," she clarified. "I want to sleep."
"You've got lots of room," he protested.
She elbowed him again. "You're crowding me."
"Mmm …" he allowed and leaned in to find her neck again. "You mean like this." She fidgeted under him. It felt so good but it just wasn't going to happen.
"Stop," she pressed at him.
He gazed at her. "OK. Get up," he said.
She groaned at him. "It's almost midnight. I just want to sleep. We aren't going to your place at this point."
"I didn't say anything about going anywhere," he put to her and nudged her again. "Get up."
She sighed heavily at him but got up, crossing her arms while he worked to flex himself out of the little bunk bed.
"If you think I'm leaning over Ethan's shelf so you can –"
Jay gave her an unimpressed look. "I value my life," he said. "I'm not getting anywhere near that kid's dinosaurs. Even if there's the possibility of getting laid."
He reached and started giggling the mattress around on the lower bunk, managing to get it up and angled and then gesturing for her to get out of the way. She stepped to the side and he none too delicately flopped it on the floor.
"Well, the whole house just heard that," she put to him, a little annoyed.
He shrugged at her and then turned to retrieve the mattress from the top bunk. "You know, Eth might be right. You and Erin both have crazy eyes."
"What are you talking about?" she demanded.
"Erin," he said, casting her a look over his shoulder, and then tossing the second mattress onto the floor and using his foot to kick them together. They were pretty much taking up the entire cramped room now. Neither of them better need to get out of the room for any reason for the rest of the night because she didn't think they were even going to be able to get the door to open. "The dinosaur," he clarified. Erin really rolled her eyes at that. "See," he pressed. "Both crazy eyes. I mean, have you looked at that thing. It's eyes are downright creepy. They follow you. I'm glad it's not over on the shelf yet. I'd have to sleep with one eye open."
"I think you probably should now anyways," she put to him.
He rolled his eyes at her and then gestured at the makeshift bed, as he throw the blankets into a heap on top of them.
"Oh, that looks much better," Erin said.
"You wanted more room, didn't you?" he put to her.
She gestured at the door. "I'd like to be able to get out of the room if I need to pee tonight," she said.
He made a face at her. "You pee too much at night. You need to stop drinking sooner."
She just made an annoyed face and he nudged the mattresses a bit more with his foot to push them against the far wall, giving a tiny bit of room to open the door a crack that he was seriously misconstruing her figure if he thought she'd be able to squeak through that in the dark when having just woken up with a full bladder.
He flopped onto the mattress and looked up at her. "I'll make sure you get out of the room if you need to pee," he said with some tease to his voice. "But I'm pretty sure these mattresses have survived urine before."
"Mmm …" Erin said and got down on the floor. "Yes. Wetting the bed while sleeping next to my fiancé. Life goal. Attractive."
"Attractive isn't the word I'd use," Jay said and leaned into her. Finding her mouth and going in for a kiss. She accepted it but it didn't last long. The mattresses slid apart and he thumped to the ground between the two. He smiled into her lips and she let out a quiet laugh and pulled away from him.
"Good engineering, Jay," she said.
"Cop, sniper, solider," he provided. "No one said anything about civil engineering."
"Obviously," she allowed, as he lifted himself back up onto his mattress and thrust his hips several times until they slide almost back together again. She snorted out her amusement at his methods.
He just gazed at her. Those eyes again. And then he transferred himself with a plop over to her mattress – looking at her even more seriously and longingly. Puppy dog eyes. But so soft. She reached and stroked at his stubbly – gazing into those eyes too. He was always so scruffy looking but there was something so attractive and endearing about it. And the scruff was always so soft. Maybe him more irresistible.
"Jay, c'mon," she muttered at him.
He shrugged at her. "They're downstairs," he put to her gently.
"He'll be up eventually," she pressed back at him. "And Justin, Olive … the baby. They're across the hall." He kept looking at her and she let out a long sigh. "You said you didn't want to fuck in Voight's house."
He reached and stroked her cheek. Tracing fingertips along her jaw line while looking right into her eyes. "I wasn't planning on fucking you tonight," he told her gently.
She gave him a thin little smile. There was some sadness to it. Because she so wanted that too. To make love. To be held. To hold him. To touch and feel. And just be together. But she wasn't sure she could do that – and be in the moment and actually enjoy it – in Hank's house … on the floor … in her brothers' bedroom. She let out a slow sigh and gazed at the door. It was a risk. Was it really worth it when they'd be back at their own place and with privacy soon?
But her eyes went back to his. There was the caring and the anticipation there. She reached and ran her fingers through his hair and cupped his face again. It was so strange to know that he was hers. She wasn't sure she deserved him.
"Can you be quiet?" she asked.
He gave her a little smile. "Oh, I can be quiet," he assured. "Can you?"
She smiled a little and nodded. "Yea," she agreed.
He smiled more and leaned in to find her lips – and she readily accepted.
AUTHOR NOTE: Not planning on doing an M chapter. But if there is super demand for one, I might consider it. I haven't yet written the last chapter. It will be up by the end of the week.