Standard disclaimer applies in that I don't own anything.
A/N – Here's the next chapter. I really hope whoever is still with me on this journey enjoys it. I'm trying to be better with updating though work still does, unfortunately, top my priorities more than I would like. Thank you so, so much to those who have taken the time to leave a review. I really appreciate it.
Fire and Ice – Chapter 26
The smell of smoke and burning still permeated the air. Luke could feel it encircling him, choking him: its stench made him want to gag – singed hair, crisp flesh and guttered dreams. With supreme effort, Luke forced himself to look away from the doors leading to the O.R. where Jess had been taken. His eyes were starting to water, though whether that was from lingering smoke or forcing them open for too long, Luke couldn't tell.
He glanced over at the payphone on the wall. He should really call someone. But who? Liz? Luke snorted: he hadn't factored Liz into the equation for weeks now. Whatever part she still played in her son's life, he wasn't sure of anymore. Luke suddenly squeezed his hands more firmly between his knees as another round of tremors threatened to alert the medical staff that he should be back under observation. Luke was certain there had been an eager intern hovering by his exam cubicle who would have been only too happy to boost their ER experience if he had only hung around long enough for them to get a proper look at him.
As it was, how was he expected to be the patient when he needed to be the protector? His knee was bouncing incessantly though it had nothing to do with involuntary tremors. An image flashed suddenly, unbidden through his mind: bouncing an over-excited little boy on his knee as the dark-haired child squealed in delight and gripped his tiny fist around Luke's shirt.
Luke swallowed down the painful lump in his throat. Did Jess even remember those moments? Those glimpses of a childhood that Luke had tried to touch? Did Jess remember the times he was there, or only the times when he wasn't? The times when he had driven away from the boy with only a pat on the head, leaving him with an alcoholic mother and a monster of a boyfriend waiting in the wings. He thought back to the sheriff's reassurances in the car and doubt clenched his heart in a vice-like grip: would anything he did now be enough, or was it a case of too little, too late?
He looked back towards the doors which led to the operating theatre. Jess had only been inside those walls for a matter of minutes, really but already it seemed like an eternity. He hadn't regained consciousness as they had wheeled him in. Luke could see the worry in the doctors' faces, lining their brows and creasing the corners of their mouths. Or perhaps he had just imagined it? It was hard to tell when your mind was numb but your heart was racing. Too much confusion.
The sound of footsteps from further down the corridor immediately drew Luke's attention. He leapt to his feet, instinctively. Side by side with a purposeful gait, Alex Conibear strode towards him, a short, auburn-haired young nurse struggling to keep pace. She held in her hands a clipboard of notes. Conibear merely held a grim expression. Luke knew the man had disappeared off as soon as the ambulance doors had slammed shut but he hadn't asked to where. Now, as they both made directly for him, he moved to meet them halfway.
Conibear spoke first. "How's Jess doing? They tell me he's gone into surgery." Luke shrugged, helplessly.
"It's too soon to tell anything. But they said they'd come out when there was news." He cast a quick, hopeful glance at the nurse by Conibear's side but if she knew anything further, then she wasn't there to say it and she simply looked at him with sympathetic eyes.
Alex nodded and indicated that they should go back to the row of padded plastic chairs that Luke had been occupying. Once re-seated, the sheriff continued. "Fire department has got the flames under control. It was all but out when I left. Can't imagine there's much left though. They're going to send someone in to retrieve that man's body when it's safe." He paused a second, eyeing Luke appraisingly. "Was Jess able to tell you anything on the ride over?"
Luke shook his head, wearily. "He never regained consciousness. They reckon it's the smoke and the shock. His leg…" He trailed off, not needing or really wanting to say any more. Alex nodded, thoughtfully.
"The man in the barn, it's not Franklin." Luke nodded. He hadn't got a good look but the build and what he could make out of the colouring had not spoken of Mariano senior. Luke waited for Alex to continue, sensing there was more to come. He wasn't wrong. "I've had a deputy swing by his house, off duty. Franklin's been clearly spotted moving around." Luke's muscles tensed. The man was almost within arms' reach, unscathed, unconcerned, carrying on with his business while the world burned around him. It was almost more than Luke could bear. The injustice of everything that creature had inflicted on Luke and his family!
At this point however, the nurse, who had been waiting as patiently as she could, now interrupted. "Sir," she said, addressing Luke and moving to stand in-between where Luke and Conibear sat, facing each other. "I have some more forms for you to fill in. I'm assuming you're the young man's legal guardian?"
Luke was so quick to begin to answer yes that it took him a few seconds to register the truth of their situation. What was he any more? The nurse noted his hesitation and raised a querulous eyebrow. "I'm assuming you are?" She glanced over briefly to the sheriff. "Is there someone else I should be contacting, because legally…" The young woman trailed off, tapping her pen lightly against the forms.
Luke's heart lurched in his chest and he held his breath, eyes fixed on the sheriff. They couldn't do this to him, not now, not after everything he and the kid had been through. They couldn't sweep Jess away from him and in to the arms of monster. Again. Whatever had happened to Jess tonight, whatever fate had befallen him, Luke damned well knew it was no accident.
He watched Conibear hesitating, clear eyes glancing down in a moment of consternation. Finally, he looked back up, addressing the nurse directly. "There are some child-protection issues I'm dealing with in regards to his legal guardian. Until the matter's cleared up, Franklin Mariano is not to have physical access to the boy. I'll be sending one of my men down here to keep an eye on things." Luke let out a small sigh of relief. The young nurse simply nodded and made some notes on Jess' file.
"Who should we refer to then?" she asked, eyes still scanning the notes in Jess' file as she ticked a few more boxes. This time, Alex didn't hesitate.
"This man is his uncle. He'll be acting as proxy for the immediate future." He didn't even bother to see if Luke agreed as he already knew the answer. The woman nodded once more and made another annotation on the form. Then she looked up and smiled reassuringly at Luke.
"I have a couple of details I need to you to fill in about medical history until we can track down his previous records. Would you mind?" She held out the papers to him, having already marked out the areas she needed him to see. Luke took the papers from her, glad to have something to do. "Thank you," she said. "I'll make sure they keep you updated on your nephew's progress as soon as there's any news to tell. But please don't worry – he's in very good hands."
And with that, she stood and left the two men alone, her rubber-soled shoes squeaking softly back down the hallway. They watched her departure. When she was safely back in the nurses' station, Luke immediately rounded on an unsurprised Conibear. "You know this was him!" he insisted, hotly, eyes dark and jaw tight. "He did this to Jess! I don't care that it wasn't him in that barn. I'll give everything I own that he worked for Mariano! I can't just sit here and…" The veins in his neck began to bulge and a murderous expression came over his face as Luke began to rise out of his seat.
A firm hand on his shoulder suddenly forced him back down, however, its pressure rooting him back into the moment. When he looked into them, Alex's eyes were firm and hard. "Yes, you can. And you will. You have to Mr. Danes. I have a job to do and believe me, I intend to do it. But I can't have you getting in the way. There's a right way and a wrong way to go about this and I'm not having anyone go blazing in when's there's more passion than common sense leading them on." He watched the emotions war across Luke's face.
"I've tried doing things the right way," the other man snapped, desperately, "and look where it got me – where it got Jess!" He shot a hand out, indicating the cold, clinical walls that currently separated him from his nephew. But even as he spoke, emotions tearing at his heart and brain, Luke knew the sheriff was right. He felt the air deflate inside him. Luke felt the cold air seep through him as the fire and warmth of his anger leeched out from his veins.
Conibear watched, still cautious, still alert. But his tone had softened, just a fraction. "You have my word that I will do what's necessary to make things right. I will protect your nephew, I promise you. I have to go and speak to Franklin. He won't be allowed to see Jess for now." Luke silently registered the for now part with a steely grimness. He knew damned well only a court order could permanently sever the guardianship that Franklin currently held over his nephew. A part of his brain struggled to start working through the logistics of fixing that problem. But Conibear was still talking, drawing most of his attention back.
"I'd suggest you get some rest while Jess is in surgery and then take the time to just be with him for a while. That's the best way you can help the kid at the moment."
Luke sighed, wearily, feeling a decade older in the space of an hour. "When he's better," Luke asked, "can I take him out of here? Take him home?" Conibear paused a moment.
"Let's concentrate on one thing at a time. Get him fighting fit."
Luke looked again at the doors to the OR. He sighed again. "Sure." Conibear nodded and it was clear the man was ready to leave.
"I hope Jess comes out soon. He sounds like a great kid. I'm looking forward to getting to talk to him, finally." Luke let out a snort of a laugh.
"Enjoy that notion while it lasts. I love the kid to death but I'll be paying him to shut up ten minutes in to the first sarcastic argument." A fond smile tugged up the corners of his mouth and settled there for the first time in over a day.
Alex chuckled as he placed his hat on his head. "You've got to be the first parent I've seen who grins at the prospect of an argument with their teenager. See? Miracles happen all the time." Then he tipped his hat quickly and left, without another word.
Luke followed his departure for a few seconds before leaning back against the chair and closing his eyes. His rough hands lightly fingered the paperwork, exhaustion swept over him as adrenaline drained from his body but still, Luke's small smile remained. Finally, finally, he was back with Jess again and nothing was going to keep them apart this time.
The first thing Jess became aware of was his body. He was in his body and it seemed…whole. There were some parts still numb and others where he could register pain but not pin a precise location down. But as the last conscious thought he had involved flames and mutilated bodies and smoke and choking, Jess was simply relieved to feel pain at all. It meant he still existed and he had, over the years, become reliant on pain to prove to himself that very, crucial point.
The second thing to draw his mind to the conscious world was the realisation that he was lying on something soft. His environment was quiet – eerily quiet and very, very still. He had felt a moment of stillness in his last memory, he realised, but it had been tinged with a feeling of sadness and acceptance. This was different – it held a weighty presence, a security. Dimly, Jess realised he should open his eyes. He tried to obey his own command but found his eyelids were so very, very heavy.
But he simply must. A nagging voice in the back of his mind was telling him that he wasn't supposed to be lying there – that he should get up, keep moving . They found you when you were still. Or did they like it when you ran? Jess couldn't remember. His brain wasn't co-operating and he just wanted to sleep. Only he wasn't allowed to – wasn't supposed to. He forced his eyes open a crack, though the movement felt alien and protracted. The surrounding light seemed dim, muted and Jess tried to work out whether he knew the place or not.
Something suddenly touched his shoulder and Jess tried to flinch, though his body's responses were sluggish. But the touch did not move and Jess began to panic. He twisted to move away and felt his pain intensify for a moment. Then there was a voice, calm and soothing. "Jess, just relax." And so he did, melting back into the softness beneath him. "I've got you, Jess." The hand moved from his shoulder and began to smooth the hair gently on the top of his head, running down his scalp. With each pass, it seemed to draw the tension right out of him. "Just relax," the warm voice repeated. The hand continued to stroke and Jess sighed contentedly and settled the weight of his head into it. His eyes had closed some time ago though Jess hadn't noticed when. Then he slept, content that he was now supposed to.
The next time Jess opened his eyes, he found they moved much more freely. Blinking several times to adjust to the brighter lighting in the room, Jess squinted and looked around him. Seeing the white curtains, the pale walls, the clinical sheets and the IV stand by his bed, he immediately recognised what he had been trying to piece together in his last waking moments: he was in a hospital somewhere. How did he get there? Jess struggled to remember. Casting his mind back over the minefield of the last few days, Jess recalled the car journey, his uneasy feeling, his flight into the darkness and…with a jolt Jess was suddenly propelled right back into the burning building, flames licking at his heels, his legs crushed and pinned.
He gasped for air, eyes wide with panic and his hands gripped the starched bed-sheets beneath him. However the moment passed as quickly as it came. He closed his eyes a second to rebalance his emotions and when he opened them again, he felt in control once more. A soft snore suddenly caught Jess' attention. There was someone else in the small room with him. Jess turned to look in the corner of the room, where the sound had come from. When he saw who was seated in the chair, head leaned up against the wall, his breath caught in his throat. Luke.
His memories of the fire were somewhat hazy and Jess hadn't dared to believe that the highly unlikely presence of his uncle had been anything more than a muddled hallucination. After all, why would Luke come? Sure, maybe he'd got the letter Jess had secretly posted but even then, Jess hadn't really thought Luke would come all the way to Nebraska to find him. And even if he had, how in the hell did he run in to him in the middle of no-where? None of it made any sense and Jess was pretty sure it wasn't just the trauma from the fire that was confusing him.
But as improbable as it was, there Luke sat, slumped back in his chair, head back and cap half covering his face. Jess drank in the sight of him. His uncle's familiar scent seemed to fill the room and the older man's simple presence made him feel strong and at the same time, protected. Jess felt an ache form in his chest and throat. He watched the man carefully. His face seemed drawn and weary. He couldn't be sure if those lines across his brow had been that deep before. His clothes were rumpled and sooty. His uncle looked…tired, aged.
Jess swallowed as shame crept into him. This wasn't the same man he remembered leaving. What on earth could have happened to him while he had been away? Jess recalled his departure, his ingratitude and the betrayed anger in Luke's eyes. He winced and once more shame and guilt stabbed repeatedly at his heart. Jess felt tears prick at his eyes. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve Luke. He deserved Franklin Mariano, Jess suddenly realised and the thought made the tears start to slowly fall.
It was painful, it was hard and the pain lancing through his chest, Jess was fairly certain, was not medically related. But even so, despite this, Jess could not look away from Luke. He was here. For whatever reason, for however long he stayed, his uncle was here and at this point in his life, that was the only thing that still mattered.
When Luke awoke, mildly annoyed that his body had betrayed him and he had fallen asleep during his vigil, his annoyance quickly melted as he was met by a very welcoming sight. Jess was awake. The boy was slightly turned to face him, as best he could with his leg in traction, and his dark eyes were quietly regarding him.
Luke smiled and leaned forwards, lifting up his cap to run a hand through his hair. "Hey," he greeted the boy, softly. Jess blinked and seemed to draw in his bottom lip. But he didn't reply. Perhaps his throat was hurting? Luke wondered. Was he allowed to give him water? Glancing at the table beside the bed, Luke spotted a jug and plastic cup. The water looked fresh so Luke assumed it was meant for Jess. Carefully, he eased himself out of the chair and moved to the jug, pouring his nephew a cup.
He held it out to Jess. "Here. Why don't you take a drink? Probably need some water after all that smoke." Luke watched, concerned as Jess made no move to take the cup. The boy glanced down at the sheets and shifted slightly on the bed, turning until he was flat on his back once more. "You want me to put it by your bed?" Luke asked. Jess gave a small shrug so Luke took that as an affirmative.
Then he moved back to his chair and dragged it forwards until it was next to Jess' bed and re-seated himself. He couldn't help but grin as he stared at the boy, lying there whole and real. "Jess," he said, gently, leaning forwards to place a hand on his arm. The arm tensed fractionally but nothing more. Luke was used to this so he left his hand where it was and squeezed lightly. Jess glanced up at him and then away again. His expression was imploring, guarded and spoke of something desperate that the teenager wanted to say. Or maybe to hear? Luke was a little out of practice in reading Jess.
"Jess," he said again, "why didn't you wake me?" For a second, his nephew's haunted eyes rose to meet his own and the boy's lips pressed tightly together. When he answered, his voice was cracked and husky.
"I didn't know what to say." He winced in pain as his throat burned. Instantly, Jess began to reach for his water but Luke was carefully guiding his fingers around the cup before he could even search it out. "Take small sips," the older man advised as Jess eagerly allowed the cooling liquid to ease his tortured throat. When Luke felt Jess had had his fill, he gently tugged the cup away from his lips. Jess resisted for only a second before allowing Luke control, at least temporarily.
Luke smiled approvingly at Jess as he set the cup back down. "Better?" he asked. Jess nodded and started to push himself more upright with his elbows. Immediately, Luke was there, helping him, lifting him slightly and propping more pillows behind him until eventually, Jess was sitting up, at least as far as his leg allowed him.
Jess glanced over at his leg. He had been avoiding looking at it properly since waking. It was plastered and bandaged, concealing the visible signs of damage. A dull ache had begun to throb through his mid-thigh. But Jess kept quiet. He didn't want any more drugs. They stopped him thinking clearly and, without knowing how long Luke was staying for, Jess did not want to return to his earlier mental haze.
"They said it was a comminuted open fracture." Luke supplied, seeing his nephew's hesitant examination. "I have no idea what that means. They tied off some blood vessels, pinned some things together." Noting the boy's raised eyebrows, he shrugged. "At least it's still attached," he offered. "You need to keep exercising it and everything but I'm sure it will heal just fine. We'll work out the details when we get home."
Jess glanced back at sheets across his lap as Luke continued. "They patched up the hole in your leg from that wooden spike, too though I didn't even want to know the details of that one." He shuddered at the memory and reasoned that Jess probably didn't want to dwell on the topic much, either.
"You're going to be fine, though," Luke assured him and gave his arm a gentle pat. "They've re-set your shoulder however, so it'll make using crutches a little difficult. You'll probably have to be in a wheelchair so don't give me any grief about that!" he warned, jamming a cautionary finger in Jess' face. "You will accept it with your usual good grace and just get on with it." Inwardly though, he was wincing at the thought of manoeuvring a wheelchair around their tiny apartment but they would cross that bridge when they came to it.
When Jess' silence continued, it began to concern Luke. He knew his nephew was quiet but he had honestly expected a little more communication than this, even if it was spent trading barbs or sarcastic comments. But instead the boy had his head inclined away from him, his chin bowed to his chest. Luke noted the strain and tension across the kid's shoulders and running down his arms.
"Jess?" he questioned, leaning more into his personal space. "Son? You okay?" Jess spared him a very quick look and a hasty nod before looking away again. Even for just a second, Luke could clearly see his nephew's eyes were bright, his expression pale and tight. He glanced over at the door where doctors were waiting, no doubt ready to intrude on their reunion at the first signal. Was it time to call them over now? Was he being selfish, wanting more time alone with Jess?
"Are you in pain, Jess?" he asked quietly, aware that admitting weakness was not something the boy relished. "Do you need me to get someone?" But Jess forcefully shook his head, his shoulders hunching and his breath hitching in a sudden gasp. "Jess?" Luke placed a calming hand on the boy's shoulder and began to rub soothing circles with his thumb. "What's the matter?" His voice was soft and insistent. His thumb continued to rub and he could feel tension begin to give way to tremors.
Jess mumbled something Luke couldn't quite make out and so he leaned in a little closer to his face. "What was that?" Jess took another sharp breath and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Home?" he mumbled in a small, strained voice. "We're going home?" And like a curtain lifting, Luke suddenly saw the problem. His heart clenched as he sighed and shook his head. Their collective cluelessness was crippling sometimes.
Firmly, Luke moved his hand from Jess' shoulder and placed it under Jess' chin, pinning his jaw between his fingers. Then he moved Jess' head up so they were facing each other. "Jess, for a smart kid you can be all kinds of stupid. Yes, we're going home. To Stars Hollow and our over-crowded apartment. Just try and go anywhere else!" He gave the head a gentle shake as Jess finally looked directly at him, tears heavy and threatening to fall. "Why would you think anything else?"
He released Jess' chin, confident that the boy would communicate with him now.
"I wasn't even sure you would come in the first place," the kid muttered. "Even if you got my letter." At that, Luke looked surprised.
"What letter?"
Jess looked a little embarrassed. "Doesn't matter. Why would you even come here then?"
Luke tried not to sound exasperated but he failed miserably. "Why do you think, Jess? It's what families do." He noted Jess had not yet asked about his grandfather but Luke didn't want to push that issue himself yet, either.
The boy shrugged. His fingers toyed with the sheets. "I didn't exactly give you a good reason to want to talk to me again. Wasn't sure you'd bother." Luke sighed again and ran a hand across his tired face, leaning back in his chair. His nephew regarded him cautiously.
"Yeah, well, I wasn't on best form either that day." He fixed the boy with an honest look, willing the channels of communication to stay open long enough to fix whatever bridges needed fixing. "I'm sorry. I didn't handle things as well as I should have. By the time I realised I was being an ass, it was too late." He paused a moment, watching the boy. Jess looked down to his lap and seemed to be contemplating something, weighing up his words, or perhaps deciding if he should speak at all. This time, Luke allowed the silence, sensing Jess needed it. He simply sat and waited as the clock on the wall gently ticked.
Finally, after what seemed like an age, Jess spoke, hesitantly. "I think maybe…I think maybe I didn't really know what I was doing." He kept his eyes down. Luke's gut lurched. He wanted to shush the kid, take him into his arms and reassure him that it didn't need to be said, that he understood. But saying this was painful to Jess and necessary and Luke knew he needed to give the kid the respect he deserved to say his piece. So he stayed quiet and watched without judgement.
Jess' small voice continued in a wrought confession, layered with a hard edge that he didn't feel. "But I was going to do it, you know? Be a man. Sorry I couldn't do that for you. I just wanted to fix something, you know? For once in my life be the damned solution instead of the problem." The bitterness in his words momentarily strengthened his voice. For the first time in a long time, he looked his uncle square in the eyes and Luke tried not to show his reaction to the mixture of anger, self-loathing and raw pain that he saw shining in them. What had Mariano managed to do to the boy in such a short amount of time?
"I screwed up. Like always." His nerve seemed to abandon him and Jess glanced away again. "S'not like I'm surprised or anything it's just…I thought I knew what bad was." He trailed off after the quiet admission and when Luke recognised the lingering silence for what it was, he leaned forwards once more and took a gentle hold of Jess' wrist. He gave it a light shake.
"You remember what being a kid means? The whole adult versus kid relationship? Not your job, kid. This 'knowing what's best' deal? That's my job. You hear me? Not yours. Screwing up is just a huge part of growing up and despite what I know you believe, that's something you're still doing." Luke squeezed Jess' wrist and was rewarded with a hesitant smile from the boy. With a soft laugh, Luke gently wrapped his knuckles against Jess' head. "What did I say about that all kinds of stupid thing you seem to have going for you at the moment?" he asked, fondly.
Jess shrugged. "That's okay. I'm actually glad to have something I inherited from the Danes rather than the Marianos." Luke laughed and leaned forwards to ruffle Jess' dark hair.
"So sweet and so insulting in the same breath. See? I've missed your candour, wit and casual insults. When we get home, we can start trading them again. Like baseball cards." Jess didn't quite smile – he wasn't quite up to it and Luke could see the hesitation, the insecurities, the pain still aching to be healed. And Luke wanted to do nothing more in that moment than to wipe out the last few weeks, to blot away the experiences of last night and to try to build back the faith Jess had lost. He'd had such precious little to begin with.
From where he sat, eyes still downcast, Jess noticed the change in Luke, the shift of energy as he began to rise from his chair. Something tightened inside of him and Jess willed his pride not to sabotage what his instincts were screaming for. He made a vain attempt at rolling his eyes. "We really don't have to hug, you know."
But Luke was already sitting on the mattress beside him and had pulled the boy towards him, wrapping him securely in his arms until his head was tucked under Luke's chin. He felt his uncle chuckle. "I know," the man admitted. "But seeing as how you can't get away right now, I'm savouring the power." He raked his fingers through the unruly mop of his nephew's hair. "When I'm done with this, I'm getting your hair cut, too."
Despite his protestations, he made no move to pull away. His uncle's shirt still smelt slightly of that particular mixture of aftershave and frying oil and Jess unconsciously buried his face into it. Luke's shoulder felt firm and solid – it fitted him perfectly. "It's okay, Jess," Luke murmured. "I've got you now, kiddo. I've got you now."
That's it for now. Thanks for reading!