Author's Notes: I can't find enough ways to thank everyone for the continued interest! What started as a simple one-shot has truly taken off into it's own "epic," and it's because of the encouragement I received that I had expanded my humble, little story. I never planned 26 chapters, and the ending is still not as close as I had hoped. So, without further delay, I present Chapter 26 – a nod to all of us Lance lovers! ;-)
As always…
I hope I continue to do justice to the characters and the series of Voltron, and I ask for no flames, please. However, I will accept constructive criticism in order to develop further as a writer.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of WEP or Voltron, but my imagination lays claim to the origin story that I have created for Voltron. Also, the citizens of Fedmar and their respective leader are mine. In short, I make no money, and I only write about what I enjoy.
Chapter 26 – A New Beginning
Commander. As soon as they would return to Arus, it would become his new rank, and Lance was entirely uncomfortable with it. Commander was a foreign term to Lance, as it wasn't his title, and he secretly hoped that it never would be. He never imagined that his change in rank would come to him under such circumstances. Lance had never complained when Keith put him in charge for short-term assignments because he knew he could always hand back the responsibilities when the mission was done. But, here he was, standing in Keith's place trying to comprehend how it all happened so quickly.
Coming to the realization that he might be permanently responsible for his friends was a weight greater than Lance could withstand. He admired Keith for keeping his sanity, and Lance couldn't imagine how Keith maintained his composure while he was constantly worrying about each of them. It wasn't who Lance was. He was better at getting in the way of the proverbial bullets than ordering his friends to do so in his place.
Rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, Lance tried to push aside the thoughts for a moment. Dropping his hands to his sides again, Lance realized that he had given up hope and stopped waiting for the miraculous chime on his transmitter, the one that came from the medical staff informing him that Keith had finally awakened. In fact, in the last day or so, Lance also stopped waiting for his alarm clock to chime and wake him from the nightmare he was living.
Letting his brown eyes scan over the shielded glass of the observation deck on the medical frigate, Lance watched as Dirin's military fleet carried about their patrols around Mercy's Heart. The medical frigate had received a full military escort to Arus, as Dr. Katrine was insistent that Keith remain stable for as long as possible. She was entirely against the thought of transferring Keith to a smaller transport craft and then to another transport to land on Arus, fearing that moving him more than was necessary would endanger the stability she had worked so hard to achieve for him. It was decided that Mercy's Heart would make the trip to Arus and then Keith would only need to be transported once from Mercy's Heart. It was a risky chance with the possibility that the Drule could attack, which was why the medical frigate came in with nothing less than an armada.
Dirin's patrols had regularly reported in during the last week that the Drule had not made any further attempts to attack Arus, and it was advised that if they returned to Arus during the lull, it would be the safest chance they would get. Lance couldn't help feeling that the Drule had to be planning something. Between Voltron in stasis and the Voltron Force torn apart, Lotor had more than enough opportunity now to annihilate Arus. Lance believed it was just a matter of when they would strike.
Hunk and Pidge had returned to Arus about three days ago to see if there was anything they could do to awaken Voltron's spirit. They reported in twice, advising that their attempts so far had been unsuccessful.
Within the next couple days, Lance and Allura were to take the transport back to Arus' surface with Keith. It was just a matter now of the medical staff providing the most stable transport they could and making the transition as smooth as possible.
Lance breathed softly, making another silent final plea that his commander status would only be for a short time. He was content to be a second-in-command and hoped to have that be his position for the rest of his career. It was too hard to worry and care for his team as a commander, where he had to make the decisions that would either harm them in ways he didn't want to imagine or his decisions would bring about a victory that risked far too much.
The sound of footsteps echoed quietly on the deck plating, and Lance turned to see that Allura now stood next to him. The medical people had made good on their promise to find her better clothing. Every outfit he had seen her in fit her appropriately, and today she wore a pale yellow shirt that was simple in design. The long sleeves were a little too long, and she had to fold them back, but overall, the garment complimented her. The gray pants held against her waist without needing a belt, and the length hid her pink boots well, as only the tips of her boots were visible.
Lance noted that Allura was finally looking something like her usual self. The bruise on her cheek had subsided considerably, but her eyes were still sad. She was far from the broken woman he had encountered just a few days ago, and the strength in her blue irises was growing a little more each day.
"If you wanted to be with Dirin, you could have had all this," Lance said noting the patrolling ships and battle cruisers around them with a small gesture of his hand. It was his worst stab ever at humor, and he felt himself shudder internally.
A tiny smile crept across her face as she respected Lance's attempt at being witty, and she truly appreciated how he wanted to see her smile again. "You know I didn't want this. I belong with all of you."
"You only belong with Keith," Lance said sadly. "I tried forever to get him to see it. I just can't believe…" He let the sentence hang because it still seemed far too unreal. He never thought he'd see the day where Keith and Allura were finally together, and he was certain that he'd never see Keith, the man he considered his brother, fight onto life with the barest of threads.
Allura let her eyes follow one of the Condor-fighters. It streaked by, arcing around one of the other ships in the fleet. She watched it until it faded away, curving past the far side of the command ship. Her voice was quiet, her eyes looking at nothing but seeing everything. "I gave it up for him. I was the last heir to Arus' throne, and I walked away from it."
Lance looked to her, and he was not going to allow her take the guilt for the emotions she had wanted to share with Keith for so long. "We all know you were only a princess in title. If you want to believe in fate, you weren't destined to be a princess. You were destined to be a pilot."
That brought another small smile to her face, and she looked to Lance now. "Keith knew what he was doing when he made you his second."
Lance snorted through a sarcastic laugh to try and hide his dark mood. "He knows how I hate responsibility. It's his way of getting back at me for all the tormenting I've ever done to him."
"He trusts you." Allura explained. "I trust you. I don't think anyone else would have done for me everything that you did. I wanted to thank you."
Lance brought his eyes to hers. "I didn't do anything special. I just did what I would have done for any of the team."
Allura placed a gentle hand upon his shoulder. "And maybe that's why it means so much."
"Then, why do I feel like a failure and that I can't get us back together? We both know that Keith would have fixed us in a couple hours, and here I am three days later with a split team. We're divided when we should be together."
Allura thought about that, and she mulled it over in her mind. Her hand came from him, and she folded her fingers before her. "Maybe because we need to be apart in order to be together again. I know it makes little sense, but sometimes a separation allows for stronger bonds."
"So what am I supposed to be doing to keep from going insane?"
"Do me a small favor," she said gently.
Lance quickly looked to Allura. "Small favors usually mean big problems."
His quick, matter-of-fact reply made Allura laugh softly. "You already know what I'm going to ask, don't you?"
"Fine, I'll try to be nicer to Dr. Katrine," he sighed.
Allura had witnessed on a couple occasions how Lance held forced politeness around the doctor, and his distrust of medical professionals came across quite strongly in his mannerisms. Allura had insisted that he make an effort to be less cold, as she wanted Dr. Katrine to return to Arus and work with Dr. Gorma during Keith's recovery. They both knew that Dr. Gorma's expertise was limited, and if they had Dr. Katrine and the Fedmar medical equipment for a short while, there was the potential that Keith would awaken quicker.
"It's more than just being nicer," Allura told him. "You need to convince Dr. Katrine that you are not her enemy and that you want her to come with us when we return to Arus. Please, Lance, do this for Keith."
Lance crossed his arms over his chest and breathed heavily. He didn't like the idea of talking to Dr. Katrine, especially not on a personal level. There was something about that woman that he couldn't quite grasp, and it bothered him. He wasn't sure if it was a familiarity about her or the preference he had to keep her distant. Maybe it was just because she was a doctor, and seeing her flashed him back far too much to Jenny.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he sighed softly, knowing that he had no choice but to give in to Allura if he wanted any chance for Keith to recover. "I'll talk to her because it's Keith, but I'm not going to make any promises."
"Thank you," Allura replied softly.
--- --- --- --- ---
Lance quietly moved down the hallway where the private apartments were on Mercy's Heart and glanced at the small datapad in his hands. The directory of the ship's occupants resembled a typical phone book. In addition to the residential information, there was a series of numbers to use for making communications calls or text messages.
Lance considered sending a message, but he decided that it would make a larger impact if he swallowed his pride for one moment and actually talked to Dr. Katrine face to face.
Checking the number on the door to the number in his datapad, Lance suddenly felt a strange wave of nervousness. Packing the datapad into one of his jacket pockets, he realized that he was either going to come across as some deranged stalker or he was going to be the most crass human in the galaxy. After all, what was he supposed to do…knock on her door, say he was sorry, beg her to accompany them to Arus, and then just leave?
Wondering what he was so worried about, Lance decided that he was going to apologize with the same clinical detachment that she showed him. However, he was just going to do it with more charisma, even if it meant he had to plead with Dr. Katrine that Allura needs her to teach Dr. Gorma all she can.
Putting on his most endearing smile, Lance knocked quietly. After a couple seconds, the door opened, and his eyes trailed down to a little girl of about four years old. Her hair was light brown and near her shoulders with the type of curls that girls around her age are known to have. The child's eyes matched the hazel of Dr. Katrine's, but the face was of someone different. The girl was dressed in a matching set of lavender pajamas, complete with lace trim that hung off the sleeves and the ankles.
Lance felt his smile instantly fall off his face, wondering if maybe he had the wrong apartment. "Um, I was looking for Dr. Katrine…"
"Momma! It's a man," the girl shouted.
Dr. Katrine rushed to the door. "Ella! I've told you not to be answering the…" Her words trailed off, and it was the first time since Lance met her that the doctor did not exude the calm sterility of a medical surgeon. She seemed flustered, even a bit distracted.
He observed that her hair was loose around her face, waves of light brown rounding her cheeks and ending at her shoulders. Prior to this, Lance had only seen her hair pulled back tightly or hidden under a surgical cap. The doctor was dressed in casual clothes, and her light green shirt wasn't the usual scrub style he was accustomed to her wearing. It fit her in a way that enhanced the shape of her body, and the pants she wore looked like a denim material that allowed for the curve of her hips. Lance realized that it was a very noticeable contrast to the straight-cut surgical steriles he had always seen her wearing.
Dr. Katrine caught him staring for a moment. "Lieutenant?"
Lance shook his strange fascination away and took a small step backwards. He tried to compose himself before he got completely flustered. "Um, I can come back if this is a bad time. I can see you've got your hands full."
Dr. Katrine wrapped one of her hands around Ella's hand, collecting herself. "No, it's okay. I was just trying to get someone ready for bed." She laughed nervously. "You can come in."
Reluctantly, Lance stepped into the apartment. The walls were painted in a muted peach color, which was relaxing on the eyes and made the room see larger than it was. The living room was humbly furnished with a long, beige-colored couch and two side-tables that were veneered in a white, bark-like texture. A small dining room was connected to the living room and the only furniture that fit in the space was a square table and four matching chairs made from a light brown wood.
A few holograph stills hung on the walls of the living room, and Lance didn't resist his curiosity. He glanced briefly at them, noting that most of the stills were family portraits, specifically with only Dr. Katrine and her daughter. One picture caught his attention as he thought the man in it looked familiar. He took a moment to study it closer, noting that the man was holding Ella on his lap and wearing the uniform of a Fedmar military medic. Ella was using a stethoscope-like instrument to listen to her own heart, and she was smiling with a mix of curiosity and surprise. Lance now knew without a doubt that he recognized the man's light brown hair and green eyes. It was Shepherd.
For a moment, Lance didn't know what to make of the connection. He wondered just what kind of man the medic really was. Was he cheating on Dr. Katrine? Where they separated, divorced? Why did he suddenly care and want to know?
"Please make yourself comfortable," Dr. Katrine offered as she broke Lance's thoughts for a moment. The young mother was gently pulling Ella with her towards one of the rooms near the back of the apartment. "There are a variety of refreshments in the kitchen. Feel free to get yourself something."
Lance walked towards the kitchen, trying to decide if he was in the mood at all for any kind of beverage, but with the conversation that was taking place between the mother and her daughter, he decided that he would rather pass on the doctor's offer for now.
"Momma! He can read the story."
"Ella, you know better. The lieutenant is a busy man and doesn't have time right now."
"But, Momma, he's one of them."
"Ella, don't be rude. I'm raising you better than that."
Lance scratched his head wondering if perhaps he should volunteer. After all, he had read stories to kids before. Moving toward the girl's bedroom, Lance saw no harm in reading a book to a kid. "Um, Dr. Katrine, I could…I mean if you don't mind, I'll read it to her."
Dr. Katrine exhaled visibly in gratitude. "You don't have to," she said unconvincingly.
"Momma, he said he will!" Ella laughed, and she ran towards her bedroom.
"Follow her," Dr. Katrine said with a wave of her hand.
Lance swallowed nervously. He was usually calm around kids. Then, he thought about if Shepherd really was Ella's father. What would Shepherd think if he came in and saw them together? Would it destroy the trust that they had established only a few days ago? Lance thought that maybe that was the reason why he was so nervous. After all, how would he explain to Shepherd that he just happened to be in his kid's bedroom reading a story because fate liked to jerk Lance around in strange ways?
"So, what am I going to read?" Lance asked, pulling a small chair near the bed and sitting upon it, pushing his irrational fears aside. Any father should be proud of his kid getting a personal bedtime story from a member of the Voltron Force. And, Shepherd should know that Lance was no threat.
Ella set herself onto her bed with a small stuffed animal in her hands. The animal looked like a cross between a cat and an otter, and Lance assumed that the planet she was from had animals he just never saw before.
"I want a Voltron story!" she shouted. "You're from the news screen."
Lance turned behind him to see Dr. Katrine standing in the doorframe.
She smiled, "It's okay, if you don't mind. I tried to think of a few tales, but I'm just not good with it. I think she wants to hear it from someone first-hand."
"Okay." Lance watched this little girl with hazel eyes, so full of hope and excitement. He spent the last few days brooding over Keith, and he felt like a failure for having to call in a favor that wasn't his to use from an ally they had just barely met. His team was broken apart and unable to come to terms with their current predicament. And, the mighty robot that this child wanted to hear about might never be used again. Yet, besides all that, Lance knew that if didn't tell a story about Voltron to Ella, the disappointment in her eyes might be more than he could handle. At least if he told a story, he could make a very innocent child happy, and maybe that was what he needed as much as Ella did.
"The sun was shining bright and early…"
--- --- --- --- ---
"…And with the words, 'Form Blazing Sword,' we knew our victory against the robeast was in the bag."
Dr. Katrine placed a hand upon Lance's shoulder and whispered, "She's asleep. That's good enough for now."
Taking the hint, Lance stood from the chair beside the bed and quietly placed it back by the small table in the room. He followed Dr. Katrine from Ella's bedroom.
"I'm sorry you walked into that," she laughed closing the door behind her and leading them back toward the living room. "You handled it well, though. I give you credit, especially after the last few days you've been through."
Lance shrugged his shoulders and glanced back behind him at Ella's room. "It's not the way I was planning to end my day."
"With Ella, there are a lot of ways I don't plan to end my day," she smiled. When they reached the living room, she looked to Lance. "Now that things have settled down a bit, can I ask what brought you to my quarters?"
Lance felt the nervousness begin again. He expected Dr. Katrine to be as clinical and cold as she was in the medical ward, but being with her in her private quarters proved her to be a very different woman. Lance had planned his apology to be similarly clinical and cold, however, she was nothing like the doctor he met over the course of the last couple days. He found she was easy to talk with and that she even had a sense of humor.
"I wanted to say I was sorry for my behavior towards you. I know you're doing all you can for Keith," he said.
Dr. Katrine offered for them to sit at the table in the dining room. "Your help tonight more than made up for it."
She looked to Lance and she decided an explanation on her own behavior was in order as well. Taking a gentle breath, Dr. Katrine told him, "I'm sorry, too, for being so abrupt all the time. Finlon medical schools train their surgeons to be distant from the loved ones of a patient. It's enough that we take the patient's care personally, but we wouldn't make it long in the medical profession if we used the same level of care with the patients' families and friends. There was a time that I used to be more involved, but then I found I wasn't sleeping when I needed, and I wasn't being a good mother to Ella. I learned the hard way that sometimes it's the outside relations that need the most fixing, and for as much as I really want to, a guidance scalpel isn't appropriate to use."
"Well, not legally, of course," he offered with a mischievous smile.
Dr. Katrine's laughter in response was melodic and soft. It was something good to hear after having been to hell and back for the past few days. Her laughter wasn't something he thought she was capable of doing.
Lance found the nervous feelings he had around her were quickly melting away. Seeing her on a personal level changed his perspective, and she was no longer just an authority figure who fixed people, but he was beginning to see her more as a person.
Dr. Katrine looked to him, "Lieutenant…"
"Please, Lance is fine," he interrupted, "I hate titles."
"Okay, Lance," she said as though testing out the name, "Then you can drop the doctor title and just call me Katrine. I'm not on duty."
Lance slumped in the seat, feigning defeat. "Then, come tomorrow morning we have to go back to formalities, right?"
That made her laugh again, and after a moment she looked to him with a raised eyebrow. "Lieutenant," she teased, "I didn't concentrate four years of my life on medical training just so the public could ignore my professional title."
Putting his hands up in protest, Lance gave up the mock fight. "Fair enough."
Still smiling at the change in the Voltron pilot, Katrine asked, "Have you decided on a refreshment yet?"
Lance stood from the table, realizing that with every bit of humanity she revealed, he found himself starting to enjoy her company, and he knew that was dangerous. He still didn't know Shepherd's involvement with Katrine and her daughter, and the less he knew, the safer it was for everyone. Special operations soldiers didn't need their personal lives known by anyone, as it would endanger them and their missions.
"Actually," Lance said, "I didn't want to cause a commotion when your husband came home."
Katrine frowned for a moment, and her eyes glazed over with some faraway look. Any sign of the jovial woman had suddenly vanished. Quietly, she sighed, "He's dead."
Lance looked at her as though she was insane. "But, the man in the portrait…"
The doctor brought her eyes up to him, interrupting. "Is my brother, Tiven. Ella only gets to see him once every few months. He's a medic in the military, and his personal leave is very infrequent. It seems they really need his skills."
Understanding that not even Katrine knew her brother's true purpose, Lance kept what he knew secret. Then, he remembered how Katrine had frowned when Shepherd and Jettie left before she got a chance to see them. Now, he understood. Katrine was hoping they would visit longer and possibly spend some time with Ella. Getting back to the conversation and realizing why there wasn't any husband in the photographs, Lance offered his apologies. "I'm sorry for your loss."
She nodded her head absently, standing from the table. Then, she looked to Lance as though recognizing something. "We were very young. I was still in medical school, and he was a fighter pilot in Fedmar's military when we met. Nikkus," she smiled at his name, "and I wed right after my graduation."
Katrine's hazel eyes developed a faraway look as she lived in her memories for a few moments, and her pause spoke volumes of the love they once shared. Lance could see that she would never forget him. "He was shot down in combat two months before Ella was born."
"Oh, God," Lance whispered.
"I know it's just coincidental, but any time I meet a pilot I am reminded of him. I'm not sure if it's something about a uniform or the discipline that the military instills." She laughed briefly and shook her head, trying to lighten her own sadness.
"It can't be the discipline. I don't have much of that," he answered quickly, taking the initiative to bring levity to the mood. Moving his hands over his casual clothes, he told her, "And, I'm out of uniform."
"Then, maybe it's the protective bond that is common among pilots," she tried to reason.
Lance couldn't think of any reply to that because it was true. Any unit, squad, or team that was as close-knit as the Voltron Force understood the bond of comradeship and the brotherly ties that accompanied it.
Stepping closer, Katrine saw some very real pain in Lance's eyes. She could see he was grieving for his friend and for what was destroyed in the last couple days. She was not blind to the fact that he wanted nothing more than to rebuild it and make it right again. However, there was no denying how behind his brown eyes a maelstrom of agony and anger churned.
Lance clenched his fists suddenly as he was aware of Katrine's eyes looking upon him with sympathy. It left him feeling claustrophobic, and he needed space again. It seemed he was always exposed to everyone, and they all knew how to invade the desolation he wanted to keep to himself.
He spun and stepped toward the door. "I'm sorry, but I need to leave."
Katrine took a deep breath, as she knew his ache. If he continued to isolate himself, he would erode his very being. She had once walked a very similar path, and if it wasn't for the support of her family and friends, she would have been a very different woman after Nikkus' death.
"You're not the first person to experience loss," she softly offered taking a step towards him.
Lance moved his hand above the door release button. His thought about his first loss, Jenny, and then he hoped Keith wouldn't be next. He didn't want to feel that kind of pain ever again, and the last thing he wanted was a lecture, least of all from a total stranger. "Yeah, and I won't be the last either."
"Is this what Keith would have wanted of you?" she dared to ask. She knew she was walking on dangerous ground, but if none of his friends had the fortitude to challenge his emotions, then she was willing to take that chance. She was merely a stranger who had a medical degree and the ability to heal physical ailments. She could walk away from him with nothing to lose, as she would just continue on with her normal life. "You can't run from your responsibilities, your team, or what you are."
Lance's hand hesitated above the button, and he felt the confusion overwhelm him. On some deep level, he was angry with the princess and blamed her for causing Keith's condition, but he was also equally angry with Keith because the man knew better and was always spouting a lecture about propriety whenever Lance brought it up. But, the truth was Keith had betrayed him, and that was what angered him more than anything. There were opportunities when Keith merely had to pull Lance aside and tell him, or just say something. Instead, the man Lance always thought of as his brother, the one he trusted, truly and honestly trusted, didn't trust Lance in return. That was what hurt him the most and made him so angry.
"Katrine," Lance said softly. He needed to forget the events that put Keith in a coma and the agony that he experienced every moment since it happened. She didn't deserve to get struck by the backlash of his anger and betrayal. She was an innocent in a battle that had nothing to do with her. "I need to walk away because if I don't I might do something I'll regret."
Moving closer, Katrine refused to back down, as she knew what it was like to feel angry and resentful. In her past she had blamed everyone, including Nikkus for being a pilot and herself for being naïve enough to love one. Now, she had the opportunity to stop someone else from knowing that kind of agony.
Speaking in a voice that was sure and certain, she told him, "If you walk away, you will regret having done so. You're letting your anger and resentment change who you are."
Lance closed his eyes and moved his hands into fists at his sides. He knew he was changing, morphing into someone who wanted vengeance and justice for the wrongs committed against him and his team. And, if Keith were around, he could easily talk Lance down from the ledge he was upon. Keith had a way of keeping Lance balanced, and without him, his world was tumbling out of control. The two of them had been together for so long, that Lance just took it for granted. Now, he longed for that stability. Betrayal or not, Keith was his brother. Lance just wanted Keith awake so that he could land a fist in his face one minute and then in the next give him a hug of forgiveness.
Katrine dared to reach a hand out and touch Lance's shoulder. Without thinking, he quickly turned to face her and just executed actions. He hoped that maybe if Katrine slapped him across the face it would wake him up from the nightmare of his anger and pain. Instinctively, his hands found their mark upon her cheeks, cupping her face. He leaned to her, his lips pressing to hers in some urgency he couldn't control. He hoped and expected Katrine to push him away and resist the sudden attack, but to his surprise, she accepted his touch with the same reckless abandon.
Lance's lips pressed hard and strong, an attraction born purely from heartache and need. Katrine replied with similar emotion, the emptiness she had felt for years finally easing away. Their kiss was something tangible and real, like a bandage protecting a tender and healing wound, and the touch of their embrace made them feel alive.
Unable to breathe any more, Lance gently pulled back from Katrine, and he suddenly turned from her as he felt overwhelming regret for his actions.
"I'm sorry…" Lance started.
"Don't be," Katrine interrupted in a flushed whisper, staring at his back. "I shouldn't have pushed your anger."
Lance breathed quietly. "You didn't. You contained it."
He turned to face her now and their eyes stared for a moment as though trying to make sense of what had just happened. Lance looked to her lips once more and realized that in the last couple of days, that moment of blind passion was the only time he didn't feel tired, helpless, angry, or miserable. Seeking that comfort again, he moved slowly hoping that Katrine would not suddenly change her mind and push him away.
Softly, Lance pressed his lips to hers once again, allowing himself to feel their warmth. He allowed his arms to come around her, and his hands pulled her closer to him. Katrine leaned toward him, her arms wrapping behind his neck and drawing him nearer.
Long moments passed this time before the need to breathe again had become too much. Gently, they pulled away, and Lance's brown eyes met her hazel irises.
"You know about my ghost," Katrine whispered. "Tell me who haunts you."
Closing his eyes and taking a tired breath, Lance felt it was time to finally face the past. There was something about Katrine that made him feel safe. It was the kind of security he didn't feel often, and it was the kind of security that scared him. Only Keith had ever earned the right to know so much about him, and now he was about to tell this woman his most personal agony. Speaking softly, he opened his eyes and looked into hers. "My sister's name was Jenny…"