"So tell me all the cool spots to go to," Joey tells me as we're sitting down on the couch at my cousin's house.

"What?" I look over at him, slightly confused.

He adjusts himself on the couch and then kicks his feet up on the table, "in Texas. I'm going out there with the parents in a few days and staying til the second week of January so I don't know, you know of any cool places to go? Good restaurants or whatever?"

Right. My brother was heading out there. After Christmas. Which is today. They're leaving me in two days and heading back out to Dallas, Texas.

"Oh um," I suddenly feel very jealous he's going to be there, "well, who would you go with?"

"What?" he laughed, looking over at me, "um, my family?"

Yeah. Okay. "Oh, okay. Well, I don't know... I don't really remember the names of the restaurants," that's a lie. I know all of them. "Maybe mom or dad have some good ones they want to show you. Or Val. I don't know. Ask them."

My brother knows me too well. Like scary well. So he muted the TV, kicked his feet off the table and turned to me, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," I don't even know why I bother lying, "nothing. I just don't get why you're spending your winter break in Texas. You don't have to, you're 18 years old. You can do whatever the hell you want."

"Yeah," he raises an eyebrow, "but my family is in Texas and I want to be with them, get closer to everyone you've been getting close to over there. What's wrong with that? Are you, like, I don't know, are you jealous I'm going back to Texas and you're not?"

Okay. Um. Maybe. "No, I could be in Texas if I want to be," I tell him, "I'm not jealous. Why the fuck would I be jealous?"

He looks at me, not saying anything for what felt like forever and then just shook his head, "you're annoying. Stop pretending like you didn't love Texas and you didn't want to stay there with everyone. You love the people, you love the things it has to offer. You like Troy. And the only reason you're back in New York is because you feel like you have to be just because you have the option. Stop taking your frustration out on me and stop being childish."

And with that, he got up and walked away.

Ugh. He's right. He's so right. I'm jealous he's gonna be there.

I miss it. I miss it so much and I seriously never thought I'd say that. The first week I was there, hell, maybe the first month, there was noting more I wanted than to come back home to New York. And now I want to go back over there. How weird. Like, this is not what I expected to happen.

"What's up?" Caroline comes into the living room with a piece of pumpkin pie on a plate, "you want some?"

I shake my head and don't make eye contact, "nothing. I just... what'd you think of Texas when you went to go visit us?"

She looked over at me, mid bite and set her fork down, "it was cool. A lot different than New York, that's for sure. But I liked it. Everyone was nice. And the food was spectacular, oh my gosh. I didn't care for all the plaid shirts I saw everywhere, though."

Laughing, I nodded, agreeing with everything she said. "Me neither, but I like it, too. I actually really like it over there."

"I know you do," she picks her fork back up and cuts off another piece, "I thought for sure you'd stick it out all year instead of coming back here."

"Seriously? Why? Why wouldn't I want to come back?"

"Because I don't know, for one, you've always been a simple girl with an extraordinary life. But you just always went along with it. I know that if you could, you'd eat all the junk food in the world while laying in bed and watching endless hours of some housewife show. You're not this New York it girl that everyone makes you out to be, you just embraced it for so long because I think you thought you had to," Caroline tells me, "and I think getting a taste of the simple life, the country life, or whatever, has made you realized that, that's really you. That's who you are. You are your father's child."

She's right. She's absolutely right. I thought I took after my mom. She's a go-getter and loves herself a good party. And for the longest, since my brother is exactly like my dad, I thought there was no way I could be like him, but I am. I am like him. I like the simple things in life. Like finding a realllllly good bottle of nail polish. Not who's throwing the next hottest party.

But I was that girl once, not gonna lie, and I did enjoy it most of the time. I am my mother's daughter. I love shopping, I love myself a good magazine and shoes. I love shoes so much. And shopping. And finding pretty dresses and all that.

Caroline's right, though. The little taste I've gotten of Texas has made me want so much more. I want to try every single restaurant there is to offer within a 20 mile radius. I want to walk through neighborhoods and see Christmas decorations on every house because there are none on the buildings here. I want to listen to country music all night while driving down the highway like I did that one night with Emily.

I just want a lot of things Texas has to offer that New York doesn't and I can't believe I'm even thinking this. I seriously can't.

Never in a million years did I think I'd ever want to live any other place besides New York.

And here I am, debating whether I should stay or actually move back.

Moving back is all I'm thinking about right now. And it's such a hard decision because I love my friends. I love them so much and I want to be here with them during senior year. But I also feel like I don't really belong here anymore. I started a life over there, my family's over there, and I like it there.

So what's a girl to do? Fuuuuuck. This sucks.

"Mom, can I talk to you?" I ask her as I walk into the room and see her throwing some stuff in her suitcase.

She turned around, her beautiful face giving me a smile right away and nodded, "yeah, sure, sweetie, hold on," she turned back around, organized some things in her suitcase and then closed it and took a seat at the end of the bed. "What's up?"

I'm sure she knows what's up. Ha. I'm about to be the biggest hypocrite.

I was the one who wanted to come back so badly. I was the one who did nothing but mope around the first few weeks around the house. I was the one who wanted nothing to do with Texas that first month. Who told her she was ruining my life and that New York was everything I knew and loved.

And here I am, about to tell her I want to move back to Texas. "Um, what time is your flight again?"

"3," she says, looking down at her watch, "why?"

"Oh no reason," I take a seat next to her, "and um, Joey's going back with you guys?"

"Yes," she looks at me weirdly and of course she knows something's up. I'm stalling, I'm acting weird and I asked her what time he flight was literally twenty minutes ago, "are you okay? Did you come in here to talk to me about something specific?"

Yes. Ugh. "Mom, you know... "

She laughed and nodded, "you want to move back to Texas."

More than anything. I want to sleep in my room over there, it's nice and cozy and homey. I want some Cajun food. I want duck wings. I want to hang out with my dog. I miss my cousins, even. I miss everything about Texas. "Maybe."

"I knew you'd change your mind even if I was the one who made the decision for you," she smiled at me, turning towards me and pushing some hair out of my face, "you were genuinely having a good time with your new friends, with Valerie and with... Troy. You're a city girl, you are, but you're in your element there and I know you love it. I know you love the simplicity of it."

Troy. Ugh. Why did she have to bring him up? "Mom, it has nothing to do with him."

She gave me a smile, "but New York. This is your home. You love it here. Are you sure you want to go back? You were counting down the days..."

"I stopped halfway," I tell her, honestly, "I didn't expect to like Texas as much as I did, but I really do, mom. I like the simpleness of it. I like how everything is this big deal. I can literally go to a party in the clothes I wore to sleep and no one would bat an eyelash."

"Texas is great," she agrees, "I, myself, love it more than I could remember so I don't lame you, babe. The simple life is one of the best ways to live."

"It is, mom, and I never thought I would be that girl, but I am. I just don't think I really fit in with this lifestyle anymore and it's SO crazy because I was only gone for four months. FOUR MONTHS. Who changes that quickly?"

My mom put her hand on my leg and squeezed it a bit while giving me a comforting smile, "you didn't change. You just embraced and found this whole other side of you. You've always been a simple girl with the world at your fingertips, essentially. You could have whatever you wanted and I think you just thought you had to be into parties and going to these galas and functions. But we all know how much you like laying in bed."

I love the people in my life so much. They just GET ME. "I do like galas, but maybe one a month. You're right, though, I love laying in bed so much more."

"So what do you want to do?" she asks me, "should I book you a ticket to come home?"

Home. Home in Texas. Oh my gosh. That made my stomach turn. In a good way. Texas is home now. It's where my parents live. And where they're going to be living for however much longer. My family's over there. Sure, I have family here, too, but I have family there and that's what makes it home.

And I should be home. With my family. "Please."

My mom leans over and gives me a kiss on the top of my head, "I love you, baby. And how perfect you are."

Ugh. She's going to make me want to cry. I know what she means by that. She just means that she's happy I'm embracing change. That I'm not this typical New York princess. It's something my parents never wanted me to be even though she did grow up in New York, my mom was never that way. She always knew she was very fortunate and she always knew it could be taken away at any moment which is why she didn't reply on it for happiness. All she cared about was her family and her husband and that's pretty much it which I definitely admire. And I admit, being in New York my teenage years, I maybe did get caught up in all the unnecessary spending and partying, but I'm really and honestly not that girl. The simple life suits me way better.

"I love you, too, mom," I give her a hug before getting up, "thank you."

"Thank you," she also tells me.

And before I walk out, I remember about school. School. And how hard it was to get me in there. Ugh. "Wait. Mom. What about school? I forgot. Oh my gosh, it was so hard to get me in there in the first place, how are they going to take me back now after telling them I went back to New York?"

My mom smiled at me and chuckled a bit. "I never signed you out so there's nothing to worry about."

"Wait, what? What do you mean you never signed me out?"

"Let's just call it mother's intuition. I had a feeling you'd come to me before school started back up and tell me that you want to come back," she tells me, "so I didn't sign you out. You're still enrolled."

Oh my gosh. My mom knows me so well. She knows my soul. She knows everything. And of course she didn't sign me out. Of course she knew I actually didn't want to leave Texas as much as I was making it out to be. Gah, I love that woman. She's the absolute best.

Well, and I did have that conversation with her that one day. Ha.

I couldn't wait to go back now. And eat some duck wings and crab legs.

But then I remembered Troy. Troy, who's not speaking to me and wants nothing to do with me.

How awkward is that going to be? Ugh.