PURE PERFECTION
CHAPTER 26
A/N:
Huge gratitude goes out to all of you who have been reading my little fic. I'm beyond humbled by the response.
This chapter we will change POV and go inside Bella's head for a while, to see what's happening in there. I have a feeling it isn't a happy place.
Read and review, please and thank you!
I woke up this morning feeling powerful, confident, and totally euphoric. A dramatic change from my typically content, although utterly disenfranchised self. All thanks to Edward. I had sat through enough sappy chick-flicks with Sue and the girls from the Rez to understand the fascination with being in love. Had I ever hoped to feel that way myself, I can't say. I just wanted to be normal, whatever that was.
Growing up in Forks has been idyllic. Charlie was great, loving and attentive in his own way. From the moment we met, we clicked. I guess my mother was right all along. But Charlie's love did not, could not fill the void. I had no idea who I was until last night.
I'm Marie Howlett, daughter of Jean Grey and James "Logan" Howlett. I am a mutant. My parents are mutants. They are X-Men.
I knew all along what I was, what I didn't know was where I fit in. Charlie had provided me with the most normal childhood possible. He provided me with a makeshift family and a large network of friends, particularly the Quileutes. I feel bad that Charlie gave up Renee for me and that he's never gotten close to anyone else in the fourteen years since she left, but his mind was clear and firm. He had no regrets about letting her go. He chose me.
But what do I choose? Everything has been chosen for me. I suppose that's typical because technically I am a child, but don't most children at least have a say? Voice their opinion?
I'm so tired of hiding.
When Charlie caught me using my powers after Sarah's funeral it was a relief to have another person know my secret but it was short lived. It kind of freaked him out, so I took to closing my mind at home as well – at home, where I'm supposed to be safe and accepted. Now Charlie is worried about his every thought and my reaction to it. Don't get me wrong, he is still loving and accepting, his caution is for my comfort. I can't even say it is that he was being one hundred percent cautious, he is also embarrassed that I can pluck thoughts out of his head whenever it suits me. It troubles me greatly that he is suddenly so aware of his thoughts whereas before his words and actions almost always echoed his thoughts – it was good, genuine, true. Now it is forever marred. He doesn't trust me because of what I am.
To say that I am hurt would be a gross understatement. These past few years have been a slow downward spiral for me. Charlie can't help his subconscious, I suppose. He is really trying to maintain our normal.
What I am, what I can do, is an affront to human nature. Every man, woman, and child should be able to keep their thoughts to themselves until they choose to share them. My nature has taken that away from them. I am grateful that my ability has a proverbial off/on switch. If not, I'd want to run away and live as a hermit on some remote mountain top.
I have been depressed and tried to suppress my nature. Everyone told Charlie it is typical teen angst, like hell it is. Everything has been closing in on me. I need answers but no one could or would tell me anything. I want to let loose, show off a little, but I can't, not with everything that has gone down in the past couple of decades. Although there are laws against discrimination and persecution, mutants have been subversively driven, once again, to the shadows and hiding their true selves. Isn't that exactly what I have been doing my entire life?
I'm so tired of hiding.
When I met Emmett it was as if the fifty-ton boulder that had been firmly implanted onto my shoulders burned to ash in an instant. He is the perfect combination of wisdom and mirth. I'm his little sister, he says, and I have greedily devoured everything he and the Cullens have given me these past few days. My mother told me that I would know who to trust, that I would be protected and cared for. All this time I thought Charlie was it for me. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine that she was talking about a hulking, man-child vampire and his coven. But, she was right.
Mother was right about everything – except coming back for me
This week has been beyond a whirlwind for me. My saving grace is that my mind seems to be the capacity of a small planet. I remember everything. I've learned so many things about myself, it would take others a lifetime to understand.
In a way I'm happy to now know at least part of the truth. My father never knew I existed. I know Mother cared deeply for him, so why wouldn't she tell him about me? Why would she abandon me and leave him to suffer the heartbreak of losing her? He loves her deeply, of that much I am certain. Edward's memories showed me everything, even that Logan's mind is silent to him and other telepaths because of something this Professor Xavier did to him.
Who are these people that my folks are mixed up with? This week showed me that I know nothing. I'm pretty pissed at myself for not seeking out more information about mutant history over the years. I was such a fool to get lulled into apathy here in this sleepy little town. The only thing I have going for me is that I have been able to hone my telepathic and telekinetic abilities fairly unnoticed.
After tussling with Jake this morning I felt off. My head hurt. I shrugged it off and went about my morning drudgery. Edward promised that Jasper would swap our schedules so we'd have most of our classes together and we'd be all set up for next week. Accentuate the positive Bella, I told myself.
I was in no mood for niceties today. Jessica and Lauren assaulted me with their fake smiles and empty compliments. They were digging for information on the Cullens. They are so transparent. I didn't give them anything and was feeling less and less well. It was almost like vertigo or something.
I did a quick self-assessment as I drew within myself, wanting to disappear and get away from these humans. Everything was pressing in on me, I felt anxious and claustrophobic. Finally the bell rang signaling lunch.
I felt eyes on me. I opened my mind, wanting to hear only him. Why does she do that? She is too beautiful to hide away. She should be revered, worshiped. I turned quickly to face him. The smile I was greeted with made my heart skip a beat. Before I knew it we were face-to-face and the rest of the world fell away.
Edward winced, as if he were in pain. He then told me that our classmates were not happy about our apparent change in relationship status as we walked towards the lunchroom hand-in-hand.
A perfect gentleman, Edward took my books, held the door, pulled out my chair, he even went to fetch my lunch. He kissed my lips before he stepped away from me, I felt a surge of energy course through my body, causing me to tremble. Happily watching Edward decide what to feed me I felt a quaking behind my eyes and in my belly. This was not the same tingling that Edward caused – something was not right with me.
Edward returned with my lunch. I heard him say something, he looked so happy. I wanted him to always be happy. I looked at Emmett and smiled weakly as the world faded to black around me.
~PP~
"I'm sorry little one. This was the only way."
"Mother! Where are you? What's happening?"
"Marie, my sweet, clever girl. I wish there was another path for you."
"I don't understand Mother. Where am I, what's happening to me?"
"There is nothing to fear. I'm here, I'm with you Marie. You have done well, but you must be prepared for what is coming. There are some who wish to rule, to dominate, and control. They have corrupted their office and destroyed many lives in their tyranny. They are coming for you my darling. You must be brave and stand together with your friends to put an end to the suffering of our kind."
"What? But I remember – you promised that I wouldn't be a part of this war. I don't even know what I'm fighting for!"
"You want peace, a future, happiness with your Edward? My angel, I have given all that up for you. I have been to hell and back – for you."
Out of the black expanse there was an orange glow in the distance, growing larger by the second. An enormous fiery bird broke the horizon line as a woman engulfed in its flames stepped into Bella's field of vision.
"MOTHER!" Bella shouted as she raced towards the flaming woman and crashed herself into a suffocating embrace. "Oh Mother, I thought I'd never see you again. Please take me with you. I don't want to stay here anymore, not without you," Bella cried.
"Shh, there, there. Let me look at you,"Jean said as she pulled back from her daughter, cradling the girl's face in her hands. Bella looked up at her mother with watery eyes, the flames of the fire bird reflecting back. "You are quite the beauty," Jean said with a grin as she wiped away her daughter's tears. "You are more than I could have ever hoped for."
Bella rolled her eyes, overwhelmed with emotion. On the one hand she was ecstatic that her mother had returned, on the other, she was angry. Anger seemed to overrule all other emotions right now. "Why haven't you come back for me, after all these years? You promised me," Bella shouted, pulling away. "You abandoned me, left me out in the woods with that, that woman! Astra. Then you let them take me away to live with a stranger. You hid me from my father. Logan has sat all these years miserable, mourning you, never knowing that I was out there. I could have helped him. I could have felt more whole. You lied to me!"
Emotionally spent, Bella collapsed in a heap, sobbing uncontrollably. This week had been so wrought with extremes, Bella felt that she'd never cried so much in her entire life.
"Schatzi,"Jean cooed
"Don't call me that, don't you dare call me that!" Bella growled as she stood to her feet. Her body quivering with anger and frustration. "You have no right to tell me that you love me, that you treasure me. Not when you threw me away. I needed you Mother!"
Unflinching at Bella's rage, Jean responded. "Marie, I know what you're thinking. I did what I had to, what was best for all of us. I could not return to you until now. You weren't ready, your powers too unstable. You had nothing to lose before. You have Edward now, and his family. Something worth fighting for darling."
Walking away from her mother, Bella turned and pushed her shield out around her. "I don't want you in my head! You're not welcome there!"
Jean continued to push, invading Bella's mind. "I know you better than you think Marie."
"Don't call me that!"
"You love that boy and his family, those vampires. You would die for them."
"Yes," Bella choked out, defeated and exhausted.
"So much like your father. Running in head-first, not knowing who the real threat is. Bella, it isn't the wolves that are a danger to your love or his family. There are others and they will be upon you soon, you must be prepared."
"But how Mother, what can I do to save them?"
"You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have more ability than you know," Jean beamed with pride at her daughter. "I'm very proud of you Bella."
"I'm not sure I want or need your approval, Mother. Just tell me what I need to do to save those I love."
"Look around, do you know where we are?" Jean asked.
Bella shook her head, "I figured this was some sort of dream."
Jean smiled sweetly, "In a way we are. I've brought you to a secret place. Your body is in another plane of space and time Bella – with the Cullens. They are watching over your body while your mind, your spirit is here with me."
"How? How have you brought me here and why?"
"Bella, I no longer exist in the physical realm. I have left my physical body – where I am, time has no meaning. I've watched you, guided you, loved you from the farthest reaches of space and time. I love you Bella, I do. No one, save maybe the Professor, knew what I was capable of. I didn't truly know until around twenty years ago when the Phoenix was unleashed, saved me from an icy death at Alkalai Lake. The power within me, the Phoenix, brought me to my purpose – to be a vessel for the one who would save us all," Jean declared.
"I heard about Alkalai Lake. Edward showed me what happened. You were so important to all of them, why didn't you stay. You and Logan could have raised me together, we could have been a family."
"Bella, believe me, I would have wanted nothing more than to stay with you, and Logan. I love him, in my own way. I wasn't strong enough on my own to do what needed to be done. The Phoenix strengthened me, ordered my steps."
"I'm so tired of crying, of hiding, of feeling incomplete and unwanted," Bella said solemnly.
"Let me show you how important you are, let me show you your purpose and help you fulfill it," Jean reached out for Bella, pulling her into an all consuming fire and then there was nothing but darkness.
A/N:
How did you like our time in Bella's head? I'm not sure if I'll do it again. I like the third person, but I think we needed to hear first-hand what Bella thought about all this.
Even though I think Charlie is darn near perfection, as a father, him being more guarded around Bella after he learned about her talents is only natural, he isn't aware that he's hurting her. Bella's a little pissed at her mom and wants to defend her dad. I think she has every right to feel like that, don't you?
Please don't worry, Bella's not dumping Edward for Emmett. I have a huge, like ginormous thing for Emmett, I can't resist bringing him in from time-to-time. Their connection is mentioned here as a stepping stone to the next couple of chapters. I'm going somewhere with this, I promise.
Until next time.