A few hours. That's all it took. Now that I think back on it, I do regret it. Bella...how could I have done such a thing. I hope it didn't affect her as much. I hope she knew it hurt me too...and the look on her face! I felt like a monster just then. And all in just a matter of hours.
"No! Allice Wait!" Her scream rang over and over in my head.
It had only been hours since I got here in Denali with the other covenant. I've met them all before, once. They seemed pretty nice, but I didn't know them as well.
"Are you sure you don't want to eat?" That same seductive voice asked for the third time. It didn't surprise me how she kept on sneaking into my guest room, I was always a step ahead of her.
"No, Tanya." I said in a monotone voice. Eating was beyond my thoughts right then. Bella, what are you doing? I looked outside the small window into whit darkness. It was a light snow day, but a snow day none the less. By morning it will be gone. "I would like to be alone." I said for the fourth time in a few hours.
I remembered the look of horror on her face as I told her I didn't want her. I didn't tell her, I had just answered 'no.' And that was all it took to see her fall. No girl should go through torment like that, human or not. And if only she knew...if only I could tell her why I did it. God forbid she do anything stupid...
"Bella..." I whispered to the outside, and anyone within hearing range.
I must admit, it was hard to leave her...too hard. But I had to, I needed to.
Here, I would be protected to the end of my days. Yes, I have given all hope to become a vampire. If Allice was right, I would be killed by James. I'd rather live and Bella know I live, than die at his hands.
I know she could protect me, but James is not stupid. He would do anything just to hurt me...or Bella. If he hurt her...and I know he could, I would never forgive myself. If he finds me here, away from her. That would be better.
Bella, why couldn't she see it? It was hoovering in her face. I did want her to come, but that would be too obvious. He was already having others follow me. Did she miss that too? Or did she let it be just coincidence.
As I looked out the window I couldn't help but remember her dark eyes searching mine for the answers to the millions of questions she probably had. I didn't think I was capable of causing so much pain, to a being. Her dark ruby eyes burned in my memory, no I would never be able to forget her. I did lover her, who she was...what she was...I loved her. And I would never go back to her. I would not.
"Edward." Allice said as she silently walked in. I didn't turn.
"Yes." I said.
"She's ok...rest assured." She moved closer to me.
"You didn't see her face as we left." I whispered.
"I did, but I know she'll be fine." She put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but it was anything but.
I chuckled. "We both know that is not true. She will never forget."
"She'll get distracted...we all do." Tanya said sneaking in again. Still I didn't turn. "I'm sure she'll find another human who intrigues her as much as you do." Her words cut through me like daggers, but I knew she didn't mean it in the way it sounded. She cursed her self as soon as she had said them.
Either way it hurt. To think that Bella would find another soul that would call to her like I did would be just painful. Would she kill him though, if she did? Kill him instead of suffer again? Gods forbid it ever happened again.
"All I could do is wait then." I said and turned around to see both Allice and Tanya staring at me.
"You should eat something, Edward." Allice said. I ignored her.
Tanya was behind Allice, young as always and striking still more that Rosalie. She smiled at me weakly, like she had been from the moment I got here.
"You didn't leave anything, right?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm sure..." Allice assured for the third time that night. "Everything is gone, except for that bracelet."
"Good...and you put it?"
"Under the floor boards like you instructed." she said.
I just had to make sure. If Bella ever found them, I hope it was after I was dead.
"I think I will be going to sleep now." I said, headed to the bathroom. "Thank you for your hospitality." I told Tanya and closed the door to the bathroom. Rude, maybe. Careless, very. I didn't care about much anymore. I felt like a monster. Would I be that way if I were to ever be a vampire? I hoped I never found out.
I washed my face with warm water hoping to catch some sleep. I don't think it was much.
"Go to sleep Edward," I heard Allice say silently to me. "You can eat tomorrow."
I know. I thought to myself, knowing like always she wouldn't hear.
"And, Edward. Don't mind Tanya, she just wants to be nice...and trust me, nothing will happen."
When I stepped into the room they were both gone. I went to the bad and laid there, unmoving. Just then I wished she was here, with me. I wished I hadn't done what I did. Honestly I missed her, and it hurt. I missed her cold lips, her beautiful smile. I thought on these things for a while, at least until sleep over took me. When it did, I dreamed.
It was dark for the most part. I could hear the rain pounding on the roof of the small house. I was in a familiar place, and there was a lump in the corner where a bed was. It was crying...She was crying. I felt myself move closer, and the closer I got the clear I could see. She was crying, but it was dry. She was humming something to her self. I strained to hear and I noticed it was the lulaby I had composed for her. I felt my self fall to my knees.
"Why?" she whispered over and over. I felt a pain shoot through me, it was Bella. My Bella, I had made her cry. I reached out to touch her, but I couldn't. At that moment that my hand should have touched her, her eyes shot open. A bright topaz was staring at me. Searing through me like fire. She blinked and sniffed the air, expecting to find what she couldn't. She sat up and in a blur she was in front of her window. I watched as she silently opened it. When she did, she looked back to me, or maybe she was just looking at something else. Either way her eyes burned into me, revealing everything I was. In another blur, she was gone.
I woke up panting. That dream was all too real. I looked at the digital clock that was on the side table. It read four thirty-two am. I laid back down and covered my face with my hands.
"Bella." I said in a muffled voice.
I got an idea then. Maybe it wouldn't work but it was worth a try. I wanted to know if she had made any choices at all that would hurt her. "Allice." I said in an audible voice. I waited.
"Yeah?"
"Can you see anything in Bella's future?"
"No...she's not making any drastic decisions."
"Anything happening now?"
"Right now, right now...No."
"Thanks."
I sighed. It was just a dream. For all I knew she wasn't crying and nothing was wrong with her. I only hoped she had fed. Although knowing her, she wouldn't.
I closed my eyes again and drifted to sleep. A different dream followed.
She was in front of the house that was once mine. I watched as the rain filled her face, at that moment it looked as if she was crying. I watched as she walked to the side of the house where the door to the kitchen was. She opened the door, for it was not locked, and walked in. In a blur she was gone and up the stairs. I followed her to my room where she was curled into a ball where my bed should have been. But it was not. Everything was put into storage the night before I left. It hurt me to see her like this, even in a dream. It was all to vivid for me, and disturbing. I hoped she wasn't really like this. She couldn't be. She sniffed. "I love you." She whispered to the silence. "I love you too." I whispered back. She didn't hear me.
When I woke up after dawn it was only seven o'clock. I had a tendency to wake up early when I was not at my house. I took a shower for an hour...I felt as if I were washing away all my problems. That second dream felt even more real than the first. I asked my self over and over if that was what she was doing. I thought back to every aspect of her being in that dream. From the way she looked and weared, to the way she sounded. It was no doubt the Bella I left behind, except for the topaz eyes...
When I went back to the room I found a tray of breakfast on a small table, and Tanya. It wasn't much of a surprise, as much as I wanted to not know what she was thinking, I couldn't help it. I heard her from the moment she was outside the door to the room.
"Good morning." she said sweetly.
"Good morning." I replied. For the most part I ignored her and went to my dresser to fetch a shirt.
Oh, his bear chest! Coming out in nothing but jeans. What a torture, and the smell! So intoxicating no wonder...
"Do you plan on staying here all day?" I asked before I could here anymore of her thought less ranting.
"Oh...no...I just want to make sure you eat...it's not every day we have a human guest." she said looking down.
"Rest assured I will eat. You don't have to stay here." I said.
"Oh..." She understood my meaning at least. "I have to go do other things any ways. I'll see you around." Stupid Tanya. Stop trying he's still hurting...I have to leave him alone...
Did she not know I could read her thoughts, why had no one mentioned it to her. I looked out the window, and just as I had predicted the snow was melted, the sky was cloud covered, much like Forks. I remembered that lie I had told Bella. I shook my head. I wasn't tired of Forks like I had lead her to believe, I wanted nothing more than to stay with her. God, I loved her.
I wondered what she was doing now, how she was taking it all. What she was doing to pass the time. If any one else in Forks had noticed our disappearance, although I really didn't care if they had. I also wondered if she would be talking to her old friends and if the guys would droll all over her like before. That made me jealous, so I didn't keep that thought with me for too long.
And what was I going to do? Go to a new school, like a good human. Make a new life, like I said. I started that new school on Monday, lucky for me, Allice would be there with me. Would I start that new life as well? I didn't want to. I had promised Bella not to return, but the distance was drowning.
"Edward." Allice said breaking my revere.
"Yes." I said.
"Do you want to do anything?" She asked. "It must suck to be trapped in here...maybe we could do something, go somewhere..."
"Do you have a place?" I asked.
"Well, I was thinking maybe you would like to go to Japan with me...I know you might want something for the...Psp..."
I looked at the system resting on the bedside table. It wouldn't hurt to buy something for it. Plus I needed the distraction.
"Sure." I said picking it up.
"Turn it on." she said.
"What?"
"Turn it on...I put something in there for you.." She pressed.
When I turned on the system I was surprised by the wall paper. It was the prom picture Bella loved so much.
"Why?" I asked.
"I thought you would want it, and others. Keep them until you tire of them..." She said looking down.
"I'll remember what she looks like at least." I said. "She won't forget me, and I don't want to forget her. Thank you."
"Hey...maybe we could get home schooled..." she said. At that another idea struck me.
"That would be nice, then I'd have time to do...other things."
She hissed, and I jumped. "Don't even think about that, it's out of the question."
"Would it do any harm, really?" I asked innocently. Obviously she saw my choice on what to do in my spare time.
"Yes, it would. And if that is what you are planing you should leave that to the professionals like Jasper and Emmet." she eyed me suspiciously.
"I thought they went off to college?"
"Jasper is in New York, but if asked nicely he'll come back. Emmet, is with Rosalie and if it involves you they'll both come back..." She began to think. "You can't be involved..."
"Why not?"
"Why do you think, why not? Are you insane?" she snapped.
"Why, yes. Insane enough to live with Vampires."
"You have to be smart to go against him..." she said. I cocked a brow.
"Are you implying other wise." I said.
"No..no. I'm just saying..." she paused. "You can't do that either!"
"Well what can I do?"
"First, stop making all those insane choices. Your driving me insane!" She yelled.
"I'm sorry, I can't stop thinking and making choice after choice."
"Well, stick to one." she said.
"I would, but you tell me I can't do that, or I can't do this."
"I'm sorry, I just see you either dying, and if not getting yourself into nearly dying situations, but surviving in a vegetable state. Ah, it's horrible." she pouted.
"Do you see me...turning in one of those?" I asked.
"No...that was Bella's job." she stated.
"Can you say that again?" I asked.
"Say what?"
"What you just said."
"It was Bella's job..." she said again.
"It was Bella's job...so even if I go through with this, I won't see her again." I said lost in thought.
"Oh..." I heard Allice say. "Don't think that way, you know my visions are not always correct."
A few moments passed. "Do you know where he is right now?" I asked.
"Well, Laurent was here. When we got here he left...Laurent..." she closed her eyes. "Told him you were here. But James won't come here, he's not stupid...he's going to wait."
"For what?"
"For you to leave..." she opened her eyes and looked at me hard. "He knows you won't be able to stand being away from her for too long...humans are too predictable."
"Then it's settled." I said.
"You can't –," she started.
"I can. It's perfect. He's expecting me to leave. We could lead him astray and then kill him." I said.
"You really think he'll fall for that?" she asked raising a brow.
"Well, that's just my plan in a nutshell, I can elaborate if you want, but I want to eat first. That tray of food is cold now." I said headed to the door.
"You don't want to go out there." she said before I touched the handle.
"Why not?" I asked and listened. "Oh." I said. Tanya was having an argument with Eleazar and Carmen. I could hear her rant in her head. Something about, being old enough to make her own choices or something like that. I didn't pay much attention. "Why are they arguing?" I asked.
"You can't hear?" She asked. "Is it not obvious? They want her to leave you alone for a while."
"I don't get it..." I said.
"Man you are blind... She likes you, but they want her to leave you alone because they know you are going through a rough time." She rolled her eyes.
"Hmm... I would have never guessed." I shrugged off that piece of information.
"Well, if you want to eat I'll gladly get you something to eat." She said.
"Something sanitary, please." I said watching her as she gracefully headed to the door.
"Something healthy." She shrugged. "Boo." She said as she disappeared behind the door leaving me alone.
So this meant we weren't going to Japan. I didn't mind, and school was no problem either. I knew Allice would take care of that, and Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie were sure to be on their way. If we were lucky we would be gone by tomorrow evening.
Allice was right, James was not stupid. I went through his mind enough to know that much. He's a master mind, always thinking ahead in his plans. It would be hard to fool him, but I had to try. If this night mare was over, then I would be able to go back, back to her.
"I love you." I heard her say and the sound of her voice startled me as if I had heard It right next to me. I sighed.
"I love you too." I whispered.
This was my time to prove myself. If I could get James killed it would be perfect, and I would have to hide from no one. My life could possibly go back to the way it used to be. That would be nice.
Within a few minutes Allice was back holding a new tray of food that smelled quite good.
"I hope you like this, so eat." she said placing it on the table I had cleared before hand. I sat and began to eat while she watched. "We're ready." She said. "Eleazar is not happy... He says it's too dangerous. But he won't interfere. Jasper will be here momentarily, Rosalie and Emmet will be here by sundown."
"Tomorrow at twilight?" I asked.
"Yes, tomorrow by twilight, we'll be gone. It will work out for the good, at least." She said half smiling. I saw that she was right. It would work out for the best, but still there was no sign of seeing Bella.
When I was done eating there was a knock at the door. I didn't have to guess who it was, just listening to the thoughts gave away that it was Jasper.
"Come in." Allice said smiling broadly. When Jasper came in he nearly flew to Allice's side taking her in a big hug. "You can't even stay away for two days!" she giggled. I looked away while they hugged and kissed. What I would give to be with Bella like that...my life.
"So when do we leave?" Jasper asked calming the room, obviously feeling my discomfort.
"Tomorrow evening." I said a little too calm. I began to chuckle involuntarily. My head felt hazy and everything was looking awkward. I saw Allice smack Jasper.
"Stop that! I hate that feeling." She said. Just as quickly as it had come that awkward feeling was gone.
"What was that?" I asked a little shocked.
"It was Jasper getting high." Allice said rolling her eyes. "Your such a teen." She said.
"Yeah, I am." Jasper said teasingly.
"Don't do it again." She said.
"How do you even know what it's like?" I asked.
He blinked. "You learn a lot form native Americans. I used to feed on a few..." He said ashamed. "They were easy pray when they smoked their...pipes..." I saw in his mind what he saw those many years ago.
"It's ok, now." Allice said in almost a whisper. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.
"I know...When will Emmet get here?" He asked.
"In a few more hours." Allice said. Jasper chuckled. "What?" she asked.
"We took him away from a teacher that amused him." I said already knowing what he would say.
"I would like to tell what I think for once." He said. I shrugged.
"A female?" Allice asked a little hurt.
"No, babe." He said looking at me, I rolled my eyes.
"It was a male." I said. "Quite an interesting man, he took his class as an elective."
"And you chuckled why?" She asked him.
"I just remembered one of his songs, is all. The man is smart, funny, but blind to the reality that is this world." Jasper said. In his mind I could see what this man looked like, and I could hear the song Jasper was thinking about. I laughed out loud as well.
"Stupid song." I whispered.
"...number one rule in this game, never call him by his real name..." Jasper sang mostly to himself. "I'll let you listen to it one day." He told Allice. "I was thinking, maybe we could go to dinner..."
Allice giggled. "Ok...but we need to get ready for tomorrow first."
"Shopping." I said reading her mind and rolling my eyes, although I really doubt I had to do that to know. "Have fun Jasper." I said smiling at him.
"You suck." He said his face dropping from that smile he had.
"You're the husband." I said.
"You are going too." Allice said raising her brows at me. "I don't know what you are talking about, but with me you will come, both of you." She smiled slyly.