Author's Note: So I took a little break from this story, but I'm back...it's only been like 2 days, but when you get use to writing it everyday, sometimes it helps to walk away and come back. This chapter it didn't turn out like I wanted it to. But the things I wanted to do are in the next chapter. Anyway...enjoy!

Oh and I've been getting alerts. There a week late, but they're coming, slowly but surely. Hopefully now you guys are too!

Keeping Up Appearances

The first few weeks back home were tense to say the least. Britain and Dave were hardly at home at the same time. They pretty much had taken the same schedule that Chase and Jeff had; when one was at the hospital, the other would be at home catching a few needed hours of sleep. When they ended up at the hospital together they appeared to be united in their concern for Cami. NO one really noticed that they didn't talk to each other, no one really noticed that they were hardly in the same room with each other. Dave and Britain would manage to sneak glances when the other wasn't looking, but that's all their relationship was reduced to, a few looks here and there and a lot left unsaid.

When Britain first went back to Florida, she had every intention of working things out. But the longer she was home the more fucked up things kept getting. It started when she got home that first night and checked the answering machine; there were 5 messages from Rebecca on it. The messages were all the same, all along the lines of your wife's gone, there's nothing stopping us from being together…yada, yada, yada. After listening to the second message, Britain had enough. It also didn't help that when the phone would ring and she would answer it, the caller would hang up. But let Dave answer the fucking phone and all she could hear was his low voice, followed by the phone slamming down. She knew it was that bitch, calling her fucking house, looking for her fucking husband; but what could she do? He had made his bed and now he had to lie in it; even if that skank was fucking crazy.

It was one of those rare occasions when they both were home at the same time and neither could think of anything to say to the other. Britain was sitting in the living room, flipping through the channels, listening to that damn phone ring, yet again. She didn't even bother to answer it, neither did Dave. They both knew who it was.

As he walked in the living room he noticed how she sat there, her legs were crossed Indian style and she had her eyes glued to that screen as if her life depended on the aluminum pots the infomercial was selling. He wanted to talk to her, but he had told her the ball was in her court. He sucked in a breath and stopped by the couch. He too looked at the screen; it was easier than looking at her. "How are your parents?"

Britain felt herself snap. She turned her head and looked him up and down. "How's Rebecca?" As soon as she said it, she wanted to kick herself. That is not what she planned on saying.

Dave looked like he had been slapped and slowly he turned and walked up the stairs. Britain shook her head, cursing herself for being a bitch. Without saying anything else, she grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

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Jeff sat at Cami's basinet, reading her one of his favorite stories as a child, The Crystal Flask. He periodically looked up just to make sure that her heart monitor still showed a constant beat. He didn't know how much more he could take. Weeks of not knowing if his daughter would still be alive if he took a nap; weeks of sitting in a dark NICU of a hospital, hundreds of miles away from his home; weeks of having no alone time with Chase to just talk about anything other than what they were facing; it was enough to make him want to get high. He fought with himself constantly, he just needed something to take the edge off. Maybe if he got a little taste of something, he could deal with the rest. He could feel his mouth water and his palms sweat, his leg started to bob up and down involuntarily as he waged a silent battle within himself.

Jeff ran his thumb over the keypad on his cell phone. All he had to do was make one call and it would be so easy. He wouldn't do enough to get hooked again, but just enough to calm his nerves. He justified that after everything, he owed it himself to just escape for a few hours. He felt his eyes tear as he started to type the text message. He knew that he would let Chase down. But really, he couldn't talk to her about what he was facing, because she had enough to deal with. He couldn't talk to anyone; no one would understand.

He stood up and smiled at his daughter through teary eyes. "I'm sorry, angel." He hit the send button and cringed. He hated himself, he hated that he was like that. Maybe Chase and Dave had been right all along. He had no business being with someone like Chase and he damn sure didn't have any business being a father. What kind of father thinks about getting high, when his baby is laying in a hospital fighting for her life?

Jeff put his hands in his hair and leaned his forehead down on the top of the basinet. And then suddenly, his tears came out in floods. He lifted his head and cocked it to the side to make sure that he saw what he did. He leaned in and opened the porthole to the only home his daughter had even known. He let a breathy laugh escape his mouth as he reached his hand and touched hers. "Good morning, Cami." Looking back at him were the most beautiful green eyes he had ever had the privilege of looking at. Those little eyes on that little girl were Jeff's eyes. They were the eyes that he had when he was still innocent. They were the eyes of a child that didn't know about the demons of drug addiction. They were the eyes of a child, who just needed her Daddy to take care of her. The guilt swept through Jeff's body as he started to weep. "I'm so sorry, Cami. I wanna be a good Daddy, but I don't know how." He touched her cheek and saw those dimples. "I ain't strong enough to be what you need."

He felt a hand touch his shoulder and he slowly turned around. He couldn't hide the shame in his face as he clung on to Britain like she would disappear. "I can't do this no more." He was so desperate. He knew what he needed and what he wanted weren't the same thing. But looking into his daughter's eyes for the first time, told him what he had to do. He felt like a crazy person, there were all these voices in his head telling him that it was ok; he could just give in this one time and never go back to that life again. But Jeff knew himself; one time would not be enough. He pulled away from Britain and wiped his eyes. "Help me." He pleaded with her, for his daughter, for his life. He just needed someone to save him.

"Let me buy you the biggest cup of the nastiest hospital coffee that got." She said with a smile. She had no idea what was wrong with Jeff, but by the looks of things, right now, he needed a friend more than anything.

Jeff turned back to Cami and shook his head. "I can't leave her. What if somethin' happens?"

"We're only going downstairs; we'll be back in 10 minutes. I'm sure the nurses can take care of her for 10 minutes." She rubbed her hand across his back and nodded. "Besides, you don't want her to see you like this right now. She needs her Daddy to be strong for her. Come on, you can cry when she's not looking."

Jeff kissed his hand and stuck it in the incubator on Cami's head. Her eyes were closed again. Maybe he had imagined her eyes to begin with. Maybe his brain was playing tricks on him. He closed the little door and told his daughter he would be back in a minute. Slowly, Jeff walked out of the NICU turning around every couple of feet to look back at the basinet. It had to get better.

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Dave stood over Cami and watched as she slept. It was rarely that he walked into the NICU without seeing Jeff or Chase there. He knew that Chase was at her mom's; she had been running herself ragged. But Jeff was supposed to be there. How could he leave you all by yourself?

He smiled as he looked at the baby. She reminded him so much of Chase when she was little. "I messed up Pebbles." He had nicknames for his other girls; he thought Pebbles was suitable because she was so small, like a little pebble compared to him. "I know I shouldn't be dumping this on you, but I just need somebody to listen, ok?" He pulled up the chair and stuck his large hand inside and rubbed her legs. "See, we had this great family for you to come in to. Only I didn't really like your Daddy that much. I did like him, but I didn't want to like him. Anyway, my wife, who's your step-grandma…I know that sounds stupid, huh." He found himself chuckling at that thought of Britain being a grandmother when she wasn't even a mother yet. "Well, I love her a lot, but I did something really stupid. I know, I know, Granddad's aren't supposed to be stupid. We're supposed to know everything, but I don't. I don't know how to stop getting angry and doing stupid things. And just like always, I messed up and now I don't think I can get her back on my own. So you know what? You gotta get better, so you can tell me how to win her back. No one could resist that little face." Dave adjusted the blanket on Cami and smiled. "I really miss her and I really want her to be around so you can get to know her. She's so smart and beautiful, just like your Mommy. And she can teach you all kinds of things, like how to dance; because your parents can't dance."

He sat silently watching Cami's chest rise and fall. All the hopes that he had for a family with Britain were within his reach, but he felt like his arms were tied behind his back. He had justified that he had done all he could. He couldn't apologize anymore, he couldn't change the past. All he could do was wait to see if Britain wanted to work things out. He had imagined their reunion to be spectacular, but it wasn't; it was cold and sarcastic. He had always known how stubborn she was, and at one point in time he knew he could wear her down. Somehow though, he knew this time his charm wouldn't work.

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"I don't know how much more I can take. I was so sure that once she was born, I could handle it. I keep thinking', what if Chase still didn't want her? What if it was just me and Cami, could I handle it?" Jeff shook his head and poured more sugar into his coffee. He lifted his eyes and settled on the grey orbs of Britain. "I just don't think I can do this."

She shook her head. "It's normal to grieve. You were hoping for this perfectly healthy, happy baby. But instead you got a beautiful baby girl that has special needs. I don't know if it'll get better, but you getting shit-faced isn't going to help." She reached across the table and touched his hand. "If you start getting high and Cami gets better, you're going to miss all of the wonderful firsts in her life and you will never forgive yourself. If you start getting high and she doesn't get better, you will miss saying goodbye to your daughter with a clear head and you will never forgive yourself."

"I don't need to get high all the time. But I can taste it right now. I just need somethin', just until this all gets better."

"But what if it doesn't? What if she's in the hospital for the rest of her life? What if she comes home and will always have special needs? Is it worth killing yourself over because you're waiting for it get better? Think about how much time you're going to miss with her while your rehab." Britain tried to get Jeff to understand, but she understood what he was going through. Although she had never been in that situation, she knew how it was to have your head and your heart tell you two different things. She knew all about second guessing herself. "You need to find a meeting. It's a hospital for God's sake; they have to have a meeting here."

Jeff could feel the shame pouring out of him as he peered into his coffee cup. "I can't do that. Chase needs me to be here. She needs me to be strong. I can't have her worryin' about me." So many responsibilities rested on his shoulders. He couldn't remember why he thought fatherhood was going to be so easy. "I just thought it would be so different. I thought once she was here, I wouldn't feel like this no more. I thought she would stop it."

"That's a lot of responsibility to put on a baby. She wasn't put here to make your life better; she was put here so you could make hers better. And as far as Chase goes, I think she would rather worry about you being in a meeting, then worry about you getting high and dying."

Jeff felt his cell phone buzzing in his pocket. When he looked at the number calling his back he slid the phone over to Britain. "I called this guy I know." He lowered his eyes. "If I answer that, I know what I'm gonna do. I don't wanna be like this no more." His face pleaded with hers as the tears started to fall. "I wanna watch my baby girl grow up. I wanna marry the love of my life. I wanna be Jeff, the husband and father; not Jeff the addict. I just want it to stop."

"It will never stop, but it will get better. You're always gonna have some shitty days, but those are the days that you cling to your family and lean on them for support." She leaned in closer to him and whispered. "You're not alone. You don't always have to be so strong."

When the phone buzzed again, Britain answered it. "Jeff's phone…yeah it was mistake. No, but you could lose this number; he won't be needing you, ever." She closed the phone and handed it back to Jeff. "That was the first step…now you know what you need to do."

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Chase found her father sitting with Cami. She silently pulled up a chair and rested her head on his shoulder. As she watched her daughter sleep, she smiled when his arm came around her. "Rough day?"

Dave nodded. "No rougher than yours."

Chase could always tell when something bothered Dave. She knew this thing with Britain was killing him, but he wouldn't admit to it. "Still not talking, huh?"

He never took his eyes off of Cami, but he shook his head. "I have no idea what to do."

"Daddy, I'm going to give you some daughterly advice." She turned her body to face him and took both of his hands in hers. "You love Britain and she loves you, you need to talk. I don't mean scream or yell or accuse each other about where you went wrong. You both need some time away where it's just the two of you and you can work on getting back what you had." She had been in a similar situation with Jeff a few months before. They both were still in love with each other, but they couldn't see eye to eye either. Had it not been for them having that time alone in Cameron, they may have never gotten to where there were now. "Do you really think she would be this upset if she didn't love you?"

Dave looked at his oldest daughter and smiled. This girl had always been wiser than her years. "I keep thinking about what I did and I honestly can't tell you why I did it. I knew it was wrong when I was there, I knew that I was risking losing everything…but I still did it. Those few minutes of pleasure was not worth this much pain now. Maybe your mom was right…I'm just not cut out for marriage."

"Mom's bitter. She still has a thing for you and she hates Britain. I know you love her, Daddy. I see it in your eyes, I hear it every time you say her name. If you have to whisk her away to some remote island and hold her captive until she forgives you, that's what you need to do."

Dave laughed out loud. "You know this is Britain we're talking about? She is the most stubborn woman I have ever met in my life."

"And that's why you love her. She doesn't put up with your crap, she keeps you grounded. Just try listening to her without getting angry. You don't like to hear when you were wrong. Maybe once you understand what it feels like for her, you guys can let it go…" She looked over at the basinet for the briefest moment. She felt herself stand and suddenly she couldn't talk anymore.

Dave looked at Chase's expression and felt his heart race. "What?"

A huge smile crossed her lips. "Oh my God. She opened her eyes. Look…she has green eyes, just like Jeff's." Quickly, Chase opened the door and reached in and smiled at her baby. "Hey you little green eyed monster. You're going to be lazy like your Daddy, huh? It only took you four weeks to open your eyes." She turned to Dave who was standing beside her, smiling. "This means she's getting better, right? My baby's getting better."

There were no more words. Suddenly the problem with Dave and Britain played second to the fact that her baby was awake. She even noticed that when she touched Cami's hand her tiny fist curled around her finger. Cami's legs moved, drawing themselves up to her body like full term baby's do. It's not like Cami took her first step or anything that would be considered a milestone in a baby's life, but just to see her daughter with her eyes open felt like her first tooth, first step and first haircut all rolled into one. Chase took it as a sign of things to come. First Cami was getting stronger and next Dave and Britain would work things out.

"See Daddy, miracles really do happen. You and Britain will be fine; you just have to believe."

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What Chase had said made sense, they just needed time alone to deal with this. Since his affair he had to work, she had to work, they had a family vacation and then Cami was born. They hadn't had time away together to really work on their problems. He knew it was a shot in the dark, but it was a chance that he was going to take.

Dave knocked on his bedroom door, before opening it. He had kind of hoped he would catch Britain changing. He knew it perverse, but he hadn't seen her in awhile and he missed her; a lot. But to no avail, when he opened the door, she was sitting on the bed with the remote in hand, watching their wedding video. By the look on her face, he could tell that she had been crying, but he knew she wouldn't let him see her tears.

Britain looked at him and then moved her eyes back to the screen. How could have been so happy eight months ago and now they couldn't even be in the same room together. She looked at herself on the screen, she was so in love and so was he. She watched as they danced and for him not dance, he looked so graceful twirling her around in her beautiful wedding gown. They were so happy, whispering to each other, smiling at their friends. They were supposed to be living happily ever after. If he would have come in the room a few minutes later, he would have caught her watching their honeymoon video. That video showed just how happily ever after they were meant to be. Those countless days in Greece, that villa they stayed in, the gentle breezes that blew through the window. Those nights in the Philippines on the beach, the tropical paradise that they shared…that video told how desperately in love with each other they were.

"I know with everything that's going on…" He tried to find the words, but it's hard to talk to someone when they won't even look at you. "The Hall of Fame ceremony is coming up and…did you want …"

She cut her eyes at him. "Do you want me to go?" She asked annoyed. It had already been on her calendar for months.

Dave nodded and looked at the floor. "I would like if you would go. I know with Cami and all it's not a good time, but I can't get out of it and I think we could really use the time away."

Britain shrugged and looked back at the screen. "It's all about keeping up appearances, right?."

Dave leaned his weigh on one leg as he cringed at the bitter person that Britain had become. "Is this what's gonna be like? Every time I say something to you are you going to have smart ass comment?"

"Does it matter? You want me to go? I'll go. As long as everybody still thinks we're a happy couple, who really gives a shit right? " She turned off the TV and laid back on the bed. "Do you need anything else?" She couldn't let it go; she had to push his buttons. "Cause if not, I'd really like to go to sleep."

Before he could comment, the phone rang. He looked over at Britain who was laughing sarcastically. "You better get that. Your girlfriend wants to talk to you."

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Jeff sat across from Chase and watched as she maneuvered the breast pump, lining the suction cups to both breasts, so that she could pump milk for their daughter. It was mesmerizing to him. He had always loved her breasts, but to know that they now contained the only food that his baby needed to get stronger made him fall in love with her all over again. "Does that hurt?" He listened to horrible suction noise that the pump made. He watched as the force of the air pulled her nipple in such a way that tiny droplets of milk would run into the little bottles attached.

"It's not the most pleasant thing, but it doesn't hurt. I think it would hurt a lot worse if I was actually nursing her. But hopefully I'll know what like really soon." She tried not to sound sad, because either way Cami would be getting the nutrition she needed even if she was missing out on that bond of nursing her child. She was still elated because the doctor said that her muscles moving and her opening her eyes was great progress. She had even gained a little weight. Cami was now 4 ¼ pounds, if she kept it up, she could go home soon. And if that meant that Chase had to pump her milk for the next few months, and Cami was fed through a tube still, as long as she got to come home it was worth it.

"What's it taste like?" Jeff's curiosity was at an all time high. If he had his sketch pad, he would have so many drawings of this very moment. This was nature at its finest.

Chase looked at him and scrunched her face. "I don't know. I'm not tasting it."

He laughed. "Why not? Don't you wanna know what it tastes like? What if it's nasty and we're giving to her. Shouldn't we at least try it?"

Chase removed one pump from her breast unscrewed the bottle. She held it out for Jeff. "You taste it. I don't like milk." Hell, if it tasted like rat poison, he should be the one testing it, not her.

He studied the bottle carefully before reaching out to accept it. He sniffed it. It smelled like milk. He looked around to make sure no one was watching him and slowly put the bottle to his lips. He held it in his mouth for a moment, before swallowing, and then he nodded his head and handed the bottle back to her. "It's sweet. It tastes like warm, sweet, milk." The tone of voice proved that it wasn't on his favorites list. That was something that he would not be using in his cereal, ever.

She couldn't help but to laugh. He actually drank breast milk. "Well do you feel better knowing that I'm not poisoning her?" She looked at his face and noticed the far away look in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

He ran his hand over his face. "This. This is wrong. I just want her outta here. I know we gotta take it one day at a time, but I'm ready for it to be over." He rested his hands against his forehead as his elbows leaned on his thighs. He looked up at Chase and sighed. "I went to a meetin' today. It just got to be too much and I actually sent a text to Derek."

Chase hooked the pump back up and sat there quiet. She was disappointed. But she wouldn't tell him that. This is what she was afraid of. This is why she didn't want to have a baby with him. She needed him to be strong and she knew that sometimes things were too much for him.

"I talked to Britain and she convinced me to find a meetin'. They got 'em right here in the hospital. There's one almost everyday but at different times."

"Do you feel better?"

He nodded. "A little. But I'd feel better if she could come home."

"She will, we just have to be patient. But I meant do you feel better about calling Derek?" She couldn't meet his eyes. She didn't want him to see how disappointed she really was, although it was pretty noticeable in her voice.

"I just wanna be everything to both of you. I wanna be strong and I wanna make you feel safe. I want Cami to know that I'm here. But then I feel like, who's there to be strong for me? I feel like I'm supposed to a super hero, but I ain't." He played with his hair as he spoke, watching how Chase carefully sat down the pump and fastened her bra before pulling her shirt back down.

She made her way over to Jeff and perched herself on his lap. She kissed him on the top of his head. "I never wanted you to be a superhero. I just need you to be here with me. We don't need you to be strong for us; we're all strong for each other." She closed her eyes when his arms came around her and she held on to him for dear life. "I love you and I'm proud of you." She whispered before kissing him softly.

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Britain felt like shit. She couldn't keep her tongue from spitting venom whenever Dave was concerned. She didn't want to let this keep them from trying to rebuild what they had, but she couldn't get rid of the anger. She had successfully moved out of the grieving stage of their relationship and landed head first into anger. It was the only emotion she felt toward him. She still loved him to the point that it hurt, but she couldn't let the anger go.

How dare he cheat on her? She was Britain Weis…she was the woman that he had pursued in the beginning; he was the one that wanted more than a one-night stand with her, he was the one that wanted her to meet his kids, he was the one that asked her to move in with him and he was the one that proposed. Why the fuck would he ask for all of those things if he was going to end up fucking another woman. No matter how she tried, she couldn't make sense of it. So he said it was a mistake, a mistake is picking up whole milk when you meant to grab 2; there is no accidental way that you fuck another person. Rebecca didn't slip and fall on his dick, it wasn't a mistake, and it wasn't an accident. It may not have been planned, but it happened.

What Britain couldn't forgive was the fact that she had done the same thing years ago. But that weekend with Jericho wasn't a mistake, it was wrong, but it's what they both wanted at the time. You don't mistakenly have sex with someone, not when you're married to someone else. He didn't mistake Rebecca for her; he wasn't drunk and thought that he was with his wife. She had justified that she had hurt him with the information on her aborted baby's paternity and he purposely wanted to hurt her back. Still, no matter how angry she was, she still knew that she wanted to try. She wanted him to know that she wanted to try. But how could she do that, when every time she talked to him, she would make a smart ass remark and try to start an argument? .

Britain made her way down the hall and stopped in front of Alli's room. The door was cracked and as she raised her hand to knock, she heard his voice. "She has everything to say to everybody else but me; she can be all understanding when anybody else fucks up, but let it be me… I don't know why the fuck I even bother anymore. If she doesn't want to be here, she can step the fuck off. I'm sick of this shit." Britain watched as Dave talked on the telephone, pacing the room. "I mean really, you know how many women are throwing themselves as us. Does she really think that I have to put up with this shit? I could take my pick; this bullshit."

She felt tears sting her eyes as she listened to just how insignificant their marriage was to him. If she thought about apologizing before, fuck that now. All that shit he was popping about how much he loved her and wanting them to work it out, were just more of his lies. He didn't love her…if he did he wouldn't be talking about how easily she could be replaced. Well fuck him; he could be replaced just as easily. Britain turned on her heel and walked quickly back to their bedroom, trying like hell to find something to suffocate him in his sleep with. She laid on the bed and cried wondering if she was to blame. Yeah, Dave messed things up when he slept with Rebecca, but she was ruining their marriage now. This weekend away was either going to find them madly in love once again or it was going to be a double homicide.

Dave sat down on Alli's bed, with the phone to his ear. "Who am I kidding? I love her with every ounce of who I am. I can't even imagine not being with her, even if she is pissed with me. Ric, I fucked up and I don't know how to fix it. I'm scared that my marriage is over and I don't want it to be." Britain didn't hear Dave's confession; she only heard the hurt and angry words from him. Had she stayed a little longer, she would know just how he felt.

As they spent their night in separate rooms, neither of them had a clue to what the other was going through. Britain thought Dave didn't want to try and the idea of him being with another woman killed her. Dave thought she didn't want to try and the idea of her leaving cut him like a knife. If only these people could talk to one another, then maybe they would make some headway. To everyone on the outside looking in, they seemed like the loving, caring couple that everybody loved. But in that house with just the two of them, they had turned into strangers.