(A/N - Alright guys, this isn't aimed towards everyone so please don't take this the wrong way. I've been getting some PM's and other notifications that "You're not updating enough." Or "This chapter was too short." And it's aimed at us rather rudely … if you're polite about it and just voicing your opinion, okay I'm fine with that. But the rude PM's and the rude comments are unnecessary. Both me and Enigma are grown adults, with grown adult responsibilities, like work and family and other grown assed people stuff. We're doing the best we can and IF I find the chapter is too short, I post two at the same time. I understand that you guys enjoy the story, if you're reading this and have gotten already to chapter 26 then there's obviously something keeping you here, but attacking us and being rude to us is not going to 'encourage' us to go faster. If anything it's going to put us off and make us take our time.

For those of you sending polite reviews and comments, we thank you so much for your support, and hope you continue to enjoy the story.)

Chapter 26

When she heard Severus return, Lily raced down the stairs and bounded into the entryway as he walked in the door.

"How did it go?" she asked anxiously.

She knew how badly Severus wanted to be able to graduate early, how brilliant he was, how hard he had worked. After everything he'd been through lately, he deserved for something to actually go right for him for a change. But if the Minister of Magic didn't see that, if he just dismissed the whole thing because it didn't fit in with the neat, bureaucratic system of how things work... She didn't know how he would react.

Severus smiled at her as she bounded down the stairs, seemingly excited to see him. "Well ... lets just say I have a lot of studying to do this weekend." He said with a laugh, though he knew he wouldn't study all that much. Perhaps brush up on a few subjects but it wasn't anything that would require a lot of time ... then again ...

"Do you want to help me study?" Severus asked, using it as an excuse to spend more time with Lily.

Lily broke into a huge grin. It might be a little early to celebrate, since everything still depended on Severus's NEWT's, but there was no doubt in her mind that he could do it, now that he'd been given the chance. Severus hadn't always made the best choices, but she'd never known anyone more brilliant, and when his stubbornness turned toward studying, there was no one more diligent. She couldn't help being excited for him already.

"Absolutely," she said. "When will you be taking your exams?"

"Monday ..." He said pulling a paper out of his pocket. "Albus and I planned it all out. I'll be taking the NEWTs in his office under his supervision. Since it's only me, the Ministry trusts him to be able to 'keep an eye on me' so to speak." He handed her the piece of paper. He had a rather full week, but he knew he'd get through the exams quickly. It shouldn't take him more than an hour per exam, which left him plenty of time to meet Potter at Hogwarts for some training.

Albus had already sent an owl to Potter, and Albus would be apparating the boy to the school personally so that the two could train. He flipped open the paper before handing it to her.

Monday - Astronomy, Charms
Tuesday - DADA, Potions
Wednsday - Herbology, Transfiguation
Thursday - History of Magic, Apparition
Friday - Alchemy, Ancient Runes

"Monday," Lily said thoughtfully, taking the paper and looking over Severus's exam schedule. "That doesn't give us a lot of time..." she looked back up at him. "Right, then," she said brightly. "We'd better get started."

She turned around, red hair flying behind her, and proceeded to run back up the stairs. "To the books!" she declared.

Mr. Evans laughed as he came in the door and hung his jacket up. "She seems more eager than you are about all this." He said as Severus finally took off his own.

"Well ... at least one of us is. As happy as I am to be able to take my NEWTs ... I haven't studied in a long time ..." He said with a bit of a laugh before heading up the stairs.

"Hey Severus ..." Mr. Evans said causing Severus to pause half way up the stairs and look back at him. "Door open ..." Severus had to refrain from rolling his eyes as he moved back up the stairs.

"Of course, Mr. Evans."

Petunia emerged from her room looking irritated as Lily ran past her in the hallway. "Do you have to be such a nerd when you're already a freak?" Petunia asked in disdain.

"No, but I might as well," Lily quipped back, not particularly bothered. She was far too excited about helping Severus study for his NEWTs. Severus was so close now to achieving something he wanted so badly; all he had to do was score well. And Lily was determined to make sure he was at his best by exam time.

After all the things Severus had been through lately that Lily hadn't been able to do a damn thing about, this was something she could help with. She went into her room to get parchment and quills, then went into the guest room, ignoring Petunia's annoyance.

Severus walked into the guest room which was next to Lilys and placed the bag on the ground. He one by one pulled text books out of the bag and set them on the ground. The necessary textbooks he needed for his NEWTs. A gift from Dumbledore.

"I don't know how you're planning on helping me study, I only have three days and none of this we've gone over in class."

"True," said Lily, looking over the books. "But I can help you take notes, quiz you on things to test how well you're retaining information, poke you if you start to fall asleep... Or, you know, leave you alone if you think you'd study better undisturbed," she added. "I'd understand."

Though the idea of leaving disappointed her, Severus tended to be pretty solitary by nature to begin with, and no doubt already knew by now which studying methods worked best for him..

Severus heard Petunia going downstairs as he pushed the Potions text book aside. That was something he would not need revision on. A few seconds later he added the DADA text to that pile. Transfiguration, Charms and Ancient Runes was what he needed to brush up on. Especially if he was going into a Transfiguration apprenticeship.

"Start with Transfiguration then?" He asked, sitting on the floor leaning against the dresser. "I've already read through all these text books and know pretty much everything in them. They haven't changed since my moms been in school, so it's all mostly revision for me." He said, only a half lie.

"Always the overachiever," Lily teased with a slight smile. But then, that was her Severus. She glanced away, picking up the Transfiguration book. Had she really just thought that? What in Merlin's name did she mean by her Severus anyway? But then, that was the question, wasn't it? The sooner she sorted through her feelings, the better off they would both be. But now was not the time for that.

"Transfiguration it is," she said, sitting across from him on the floor, her back against the edge of the bed, and opening up the book. "What do you say we go through this chapter by chapter, I quiz you on key terms and concepts, and we write down anything you miss or hesitate on, so you know what you still need to focus on?"

"Sounds good to me." Severus said stretching his legs out and pulling a notebook out of his bag. They spent the next few hours studying, Severus pretending to hesitate every once in a while, or getting a few questions wrong on purpose, just so it didn't seem too suspicious. Severus glanced at the door when he heard footsteps coming into the room.

Mr. Evans appeared in the door. "How the studying coming along?" He asked. Severus looked up at him.

"Good." He said simply. Mr. Evans looked at Severus and raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.

"We're taking Petunia to her Ballet class, you two behave yourselves." He said more to Severus than to Lily.

"Yes, dad," said Lily. "No blowing up the house while you're gone."

She knew perfectly well that wasn't what he meant, but it was far too awkward to acknowledge outright. It wasn't as if they were about to actually do anything anyway. But she supposed her dad felt like he had to say it anyway, as a formality. It was still weird, though.

Mr. Evans gave Severus another look before leaving the room and heading back downstairs. Severus looked down to his text book again as they heard the three downstairs rustling around getting ready before leaving the house, the door closing with a loud click that echoed upstairs.

Severus remained quiet, now feeling a bit awkward after Mr. Evan's comments of "behave".

"Sorry," Lily said, more than a little embarrassed. "He didn't used to be nearly that weird." Not around Severus, anyway. Her parents had known Severus since he was little, and had always seemed to think well of him. Maybe her dad had just now noticed that they were teenagers, and wasn't sure how to cope. Or maybe it was because Severus was staying here. But that underlying awkwardness seemed to have only just started this summer, and rather abruptly at that.

"So," she said brightly, by way of changing the subject. "Shall we move on to the next chapter?"

Severus laughed slightly. "Next chapter? I think we can move onto the next subject." He said gently pulling the book from her hands. "I'm getting kind of bored of Transfiguration anyway." He said leaning his head back against the drawer behind him. It wasn't like potions where he could immerse himself for hours on end. Transfiguration he could only stand for so long before he was bored. Especially when it was all theory.

"Alright then," Lily laughed. "I'll agree, I think you're pretty solid on the subject. Though if you get bored of Transfiguration so easily, are you sure you want to do an apprenticeship in it?"

"What else would I got into an apprenticeship for?" He asked, glancing up at her and waving his hand at the charms text book. Truth be told he could go into potions, but he couldn't imagine teaching the little dunderheads how to blow up his classroom any longer. He'd been so happy to get away from it ...

"Oh, I don't know," Lily said off-handedly. "Any subject you want? Maybe some subjects come more naturally to you than others," she knew Severus's Potions prowess alone was nothing short of genius, and he was practically a walking thesaurus on all things DADA. "But you're stubborn enough to do well in just about any of them."

She opened the Charms textbook to the first chapter, and went back to quizzing him on the material. She was fairly confident now that Severus would be more than prepared for his NEWTs. There were Ravenclaws who would be sickeningly jealous if they knew just how advanced Severus was.

Severus was barely paying attention to the studying they were doing, seeming to be almost on auto pilot as he answered the questions. He watched her as he answered, watched her lips as she talked.

"The advanced technique used in the-" Severus paused and leaned back against the dresser again. "Lily." He said more than asked. "Can I ask you a question?" He asked quietly.

Lily looked up from the textbook. There was something in Severus's tone of voice and in his eyes that told her this was not Charms-related.

"Of course," she said, marking the page they were on and setting the book aside.

"Um ... I was just wondering ... If I do get this job, and get some money ... If you'd still ... Um ... Well if you'd still be interested in going to dinner with me ..." He said quietly.

That nervousness was back again, there in Severus's voice, his manner, the hesitations in his speech. She felt guilty, somehow, about making him nervous, about not having all the answers and being able to just put his mind at ease, one way or the other. After knowing each other for so long, he shouldn't have to feel nervous around her now... but then, Lily was a little nervous when this topic came up too. There shouldn't have to be anything awkward about it, dammit. They were two intelligent people, weren't they? But she couldn't help it. She was afraid she would say the wrong thing and hurt his feelings, or else rush into something and ruin their friendship.

Lily nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yes," she said. "I'd... still be interested. We should definitely go to dinner. It would be fun."

She made herself shut up before it turned into babbling. Weird. She hadn't been this nervous about it before, had she? What did that even mean?

"Great." Severus said staring at the floor. "Good ... I mean ..." Severus cleared his throat. What the hell was wrong with him? He was a grown man, not a teenaged boy ... contrary to his current appearance. "Dumbledore said he doesn't have any doubts that I'd pass my NEWTs. He's seen my scores so if I do pass them I'll have to go back to Hogwarts in August instead of September. But I'll be coming back the week before school starts and we can take the train together." He said looking back up at her. "I don't want anything to change if I do become an assistant professor. I mean ... I won't be a student anymore ... but ... I don't want things to change." He said quietly.

Somehow, Lily hadn't really thought about Severus having to leave a month early. It was somehow comforting, though, to know that they could still take the train to Hogwarts together. It seemed like a tradition by now.

Lily shook her head. "Severus, nothing's going to change because of that," she insisted firmly, as determined to reassure herself as him. "I know you'll have to be professional, but... we've known each other for years. A new job isn't going to change that."

Especially after she'd almost lost him before. He'd started to go down a dark path for a while, and it had frightened and infuriated her. So many times in the past year alone, she'd been on the verge of giving up on him. But now here they were, as close as ever. If they could get through that, why should Severus's new position suddenly change everything?

"I know it's just ... I don't want to lose you ... for any reason." He said, his voice just as quiet as it had been since they started this conversation. "I know for a while I was planning on joining the Death Eaters, but it was for an entirely wrong reason. It wasn't because I support them in the least, I don't ... but ..." He paused knowing to her this probably was all random, but it needed to be talked about. "You don't know what it's like to be in Slytherin. It's not like Gryffindor where you all get along for the most part and can trust each other to some degree. In Slytherin, you walk into your common room and you have to watch your surroundings. You're constantly being watched, and pushed in a direction you don't want to go ... They will push me towards becoming a death eater even if I do become an assistant professor. If anything it may make them push more. And if I say no ... then I could be placed in great danger."

He said. "And this club we're sta- ... getting involved in won't be helping any. The next few years coming up are going to be very difficult ... Especially if we plan on defeating Voldemort ... But ... What I wanted to say, the reason I'm talking about this ... Is cause ... Well when I was walking down that path, I realized there was something far more important."

Lily was quiet, looking at him steadily as he spoke. So, then. Her suspicions had been right, even if she'd never wanted to admit to herself that it could be true. He really had been planning to join the Death Eaters. She tried to keep her expression neutral as she took that information in. Severus was choosing to confide in her about it, and Lily wasn't going to judge him for it now. It didn't matter anymore. He'd come back from that, showing more strength of will than she'd ever known he had. And he'd put himself in danger to do it. She opened her mouth to argue about Gryffindor all 'getting along'... but stopped. Relatively speaking, it was true. Okay, so apparently her friends weren't talking to her anymore because they thought Severus was a bad influence... but as far as she knew, no one in Gryffindor went around threatening harm to people's friends or family. Slytherins would. And these days, many of them had the connections to carry their threats out.

And now, Severus was in a position where it would be all the more beneficial to the Death Eaters to manipulate him if they could. And his refusal could make him a prime target. Lily went pale at the idea of anything happening to Severus. She'd already been terrified when Severus had ended up in the Hospital Wing that year, and again when he'd shown up broken and bloody at her doorstep. She didn't think she could handle it if he... She forced herself to stop thinking about that. "And... what was it?" she asked quietly. "That was more important?"

Severus sighed and looked away from her, his face turning a deep shade of red before he'd even said anything. Here it was. All cards are on the table. "You." He said simply, wondering just how she'd react. Probably slap him, or call him an idiot ... perhaps ignore the comment and go back to studying or ... or worse ... leave.

Lily stared. She opened her mouth, trying to find the words to respond to that. "What?" she whispered.
No, definitely not the words she was looking for. "Severus," she shook her head. "Me? That..." She looked away, trying to gather her thoughts. She'd expected him to say something about human lives, or fighting for what was right, or staying true to himself or... or not bowing to the whims of a genocidal maniac. Something worth fighting for. But no, apparently the reason for this noble turn-around, for pissing off all of Slytherin and actively working against Lord Voldemort was... her. A pang of guilt hit her like a stab in the chest. How could she possibly live up to that? What if Severus got hurt because of her? What if...

She looked up at him again, realization dawning. "Severus," she said quietly, trying to keep calm about this. "Your... um... Your feelings are a lot more... serious than you've let on. Aren't they."

Severus closed his eyes before staring down at the ground again. Idiot ... all that effort and he just blew it out the window. "I ... I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything." He said standing up and walking towards the door. He didn't want to sit here and watch her get flustered because he was stupid and thought that maybe, just maybe she'd feel the same way. He'd known since he was eight, when he saw her with her sister, before they'd even met, that he loved her. He was an idiot for thinking she'd feel the same way. After all ... who could love a greasy ugly bat?

She'd handled that completely wrong, just because she hadn't known how to react, and now she'd gone and hurt him. That was the last thing she wanted. What if he walked out of the house completely, and stopped accepting her family's help? Or what if he stopped talking to her? After everything they'd been through, Lily would be damned if she was going to lose Severus over a stupid miscommunication.

"No, wait," Lily said hastily, standing up after him and taking hold of his hand before she knew what she was doing. She blushed, but didn't let go. "Just... just wait, okay? Don't leave."

Severus froze in the door way when she grabbed onto his hand which hung loosely in her light grip. He didn't move, or speak ... Why was she stopping him? This was all so confusing. Why couldn't she just let him leave? At least it would be easier for them both that way. Lily wouldn't have to deal with this and he could be alone to lick his wounds. As he always had.

Lily looked up at him. He didn't move, didn't say anything. At least he had stopped walking away. She took a deep breath, trying to organize her thoughts into something coherent.

"I'm sorry," she said gently. "It's just... a lot for me to wrap my head around right now. But it's okay if you feel that way. And... I really do care about you a lot, but I just... haven't figured out in what way yet. Which means I can't promise you anything. I wish I could but..." Her voice went quiet. "I don't want to lose you either."

"I know." He whispered so quietly he wasn't even sure if she'd heard him. He gently pulled his hand from hers and made his way down the stairs. He slipped his shoes on, grabbed his coat, and started walking back towards his house.

Lily reluctantly let Severus pull his hand away. When it came down to it, it wasn't as if she could stop him from leaving, and wasn't that his choice to make? A couple of times, she started to say something, but she didn't trust her voice when she was this upset, and she didn't have the right words to get him to stay anyway. There was nothing she could do but watch him walk away, leaving her alone in the silent house.

Severus probably just needed to be alone for awhile. He'd be back... wouldn't he?

She wanted to run after him. But what good would that do? Severus had made up his mind to walk away. She wanted to scream from sheer frustration, or kick something... She should have handled that better. But what could she have said? It wasn't as if she could just magically make herself feel a certain way, and Severus wouldn't want her to pressure herself into anything, or he wouldn't have kept his feelings to himself for this long. She should have known. She shouldn't have let him leave. What if something happened to him while he was out on his own? Knowing Severus's luck, it seemed inevitable. What if he didn't come back for days, and didn't take care of himself? What if... Lily realized she was pacing through the house.

This was stupid. Severus would be fine, and he would come back if and when he felt like it.