26.
~ "I was told that he would be able to talk to me after three months." Norma sighed. She maneuvered the cell phone to the other ear and tried not to let the disappointment show in her voice. "It's been four months now and I haven't heard from him. Not a phone call or email from him."
"You are allowed to communicate with your son, Mrs. Romero. But your son is nineteen years old now and he doesn't have to talk to you if he doesn't want to." Doctor Williams said in that same soothing voice Doctor Edwards used.
Norma tried not to lose her cool at the doctor who she had never even met. Their weekly phone conversations becoming more and more cryptic as time went on. Doctor Williams careful never to divulge much of what Norman said during therapy sessions.
"I know he would want to talk to me." Norma insisted. "Doesn't he have a phone in his room now or something? If you give me the number I can call him. My letters have been coming back unopened."
"I'm sorry to say he doesn't have a phone or internet in his room. It was his choice to send your letter back." The doctor said. "Norman is actually out in the fields today."
"The fields?" Norma questioned in slight horror.
"Yes, he's helping with the horse training. It's a job he's really taken a lot of pride in. I feel it's a good use of his energy." Williams said. "We assign all our residents here work to help them gain self confidence."
"That still doesn't explain why I can't talk to him." Norma argued.
"Mrs. Romero, I've explained this to you the last time we spoke. It's not that you are not allowed to talk to him. Norman has repeatedly said he doesn't wish to talk to you." Williams told her in that condescending voice that made Norma want to strangle him.
"I also think it would be detrimental to Norman's recovery to re-engage in a relationship with you." the doctor added.
"Re-engage?" she scoffed. "I'm his mother!"
"Yes, so you've explained." Williams said. "Norman has expressed multiple concerns about you in group and in our sessions. Especially with regard to your third husband."
"My third husband is not a concern since Norman never lived with us." Norma said hatefully.
"It's a concern of Norman's." Williams said. "He feels very betrayed by your sudden marriage and how it coincided with him being sent away. He feels you've chosen a new husband over him."
"Norman wasn't sent away." she huffed. "He went to Pine View for treatment. He signed the commitment papers himself."
"I'm only telling you what your son has told me, Mrs. Romero." Williams said.
"Look, I just want to talk to him for a little while. Just to hear his voice." Norma pleaded.
"I can ask him again if he'd like to talk to you, Mrs. Romero, but I can't promise that his mind has changed." Williams said.
"Well then, can you please tell him that I love him. That I think about him everyday and I miss him?" Norma asked. Her voice was quivering now from the unfairness of it.
"I will give him that message at our next session, Mrs. Romero. You'll be happy to know Norman is doing very well here. He's made friends and in my opinion has come a long way in the months since he arrived." Williams offered.
"That's good." Norma said sadly.
"I only tell you this because you never ask about his progress." Williams said knowingly.
Norma sat up a little straiter and felt her irritation prickle at this doctor and his hurtful comment.
"You email my husband a progress report every Monday and I read it." Norma said. "I call you every week to ask about him and I'm never able to even talk to him."
"Because he doesn't want to talk to you, Mrs. Romero." Williams reminded her.
"You can tell Norman that if he doesn't call me soon, I'm coming down there with my third husband and we're all going to have a nice family visit. Nineteen or not, his step father's insurance is till footing the bill for my son to run around with horses and give me the cold shoulder." Norma snapped.
"I will be sure to tell Norman all this at our next session. Have a good day, Mrs. Romero." Williams said and Norma heard the beep of the line being disconnected.
She wanted the throw her phone across the wall, but counted to ten instead. It was so frustrating to have this total stranger tell her about her son and act like she had done something terrible to him.
~ When Alex came home, it was to the sounds and chaos of Norma's latest projects. She'd taken out the old sewing machine again and was making something out of a bright and cheery fabric. The house smelled wonderful. Of fall spices and he could see Norma was canning fall fruit again on the stove. She'd already stocked the cupboards with enough fruit to survive ten winters, but apparently that wasn't enough.
Maybe she planned for this batch to go to Dylan and Emma.
He shed his winter coat off and looked at the disarray that was once their cozy sitting room. Norma had the ironing board out and yards of multiple fabric spread over the sofa.
"Norma?" Alex called out carefully. Something was very wrong. She only threw herself into projects like these when she was very happy, or very annoyed and needed to release bad energy. They were having no luck as far a pregnancy was concerned, but it was still early into trying.
"Norma?" Alex called again. His wife started and turned to look back at him in surprise.
"Oh, when did you get home?" she asked.
"Just now." Alex said and nodded with an amused smile to her projects. "What's all this?"
"I'm making new curtains." she said. "For the bedroom."
"Makes sense." Alex shrugged. "The ones you made for the bedroom are already a few months old."
"These aren't for our bedroom." Norma said curtly.
Alex leaned in closer and saw the yellow fabric was actually a tasteful gender neutral pattern of white dogs chasing a ball.
"I thought we didn't have good news yet." he said leaning over her and kissing her temple. "Unless you know something I don't know."
"We don't have good news yet." she sighed. "These are for Elliot. I thought his bedroom could use them. I'm going to send them to Emma in the morning."
"With the jars of fruit you're canning?" he asked.
"I'm going to give those to Emma for Christmas." she said.
She stopped the machine and shook our the playful yellow fabric.
"Christmas." she said bitterly. "You know it's been a year now?"
"A year." Alex said. He knew exactly what she meant, but let her go on.
"A year since… since that night." she said. "A year since you came home and found us. Broke my window and carried me out of that bedroom."
Alex took a chair across from her and said nothing. Norma rarely talked about that night. She didn't seem to remember much about it. Didn't even remember that she and Alex had an argument in his office. Or that Dylan had been angry at her. She remembered nothing at all about being home alone with Norman just before the bad thing happened. Why he was in bed with her. Or why her ring was in an envelope with a note of goodbye to her husband.
Instead, she sensed that these things happened. Describing them as only shadows that were like dreams. Dreams she wasn't sure were even real.
"A year since I really talked to Norman. Since I talked to the real him. Not one who was… so lost." she sighed.
"It's been a hard year." he agreed.
"See, that's the thing, it hasn't been that hard." she said angrily.
She did some kind of magic with the fabric to make a clean hem line that would have been impressive in a store bought set of curtains. Alex was always impressed she could sew so well. It was one of his wife's many charms he found fascinating.
"It's only been hard because I've had to admit to myself that I've lost my son." she said. "That I did all I could, that I tried everything I could think of, but he couldn't get better. Now, now he hates me. He still just hates me, Alex. That's the worst of it. The worst of all of it. Worse than the things he's done to hurt me, worse than what he did that night a year ago, worse than anything else. The worst thing of all is that he hates me, when all I've ever done was love him and try to protect him."
"He still won't talk to you?" Alex asked. He knew about Norma's returned letters. About how that had hurt her beyond anything else to have her son reject any communication with her.
"No." Norma sighed. "I spoke with his doctor today and he acted like I was some kind of monster. Who knows what Norman is telling these people? I think we should go down there and see him. What if he's being held in some cell again?"
"Norma, I don't think it's a good idea. It's only been a few months. Norman needs time. Besides, you know he's not being held in a cell, we've been receiving progress reports every week." Alex said.
"But no pictures and no communication? Alex, I need to see him. I need to talk to him." Norma insisted.
"Okay." Alex said and prepared his argument. "What if we go to Nebraska and you see him and it sets him off again? What if he sees you, talks to you, and tries to hurt you again? What if he sees me and it undoes all his progress over the past few months?"
Norma glared at him.
"Look, you said the past year hasn't been all bad, right?" he asked hopefully. "We're together, we're happy. Dylan and Emma are together and happy. Elliot is here and I know he makes everyone happy."
Norma faintly smiled at the mention of Elliot, but shook her head stubbornly.
"I still need to see my son, Alex." she said and stood up to grab another yard of fabric.
"Come here." he ordered and pulled her to him.
"No, Alex, don't." she complained and tried to shrug him off.
"Come here." he ordered again and his hands were around her waist and pulling her to him.
She let out a soft cry of frustration before wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning her body into him.
"I'm so sorry." he whispered holding her close. "I'm sorry that Norman is still hurting you. If I could fix it I would. You know I would."
"I know you would." she whimpered sadly. "It's just that, it can't be fixed. Can it? I'll never have that relationship that I had with him again. It was so special, Alex. We were so special."
"I think it's a good thing he's on his own." Alex whispered. "The horses? It sounds like he's becoming more independent. That's good. Maybe in time he'll want to talk to you again."
"If we do get pregnant, Alex. Norman will hate me forever." she whispered.
Alex tensed when she said this.
"You don't want a baby with me because it might make Norman upset?" he asked.