Ashley is utterly spent and not willing at all to be at this rehearsal. It'd been a full eight hours since she'd woken up to an empty apartment. All that remained of her wild night with the love she regretted letting go of was the faint scent of vanilla. Her heart is beating weakly, her eyes are puffy and red. She's only just willed herself to stop the tears she's been suppressing for ten years. Her entire body aches. She's exhausted. The only reason she is here today is family diner afterwards; and the lack of one name on the call sheet. Despite that, she still cannot sit here in this house looking at that stage and remembering the way Spencer laughed and smiled and roamed around as Shelia.
So she creeps out as quietly as she can to the alley, gently crawls over a few flats that block the ladder to the catwalk, and makes her way up. She slowly climbs out to the center and takes a seat. The world around her is completely devoid of noise. She can only hear the screaming of her heart. All of her senses betray her. She starts to cry and swears there is a faint smell of vanilla in the air. She is sure she can feel Spencer's hand on her back, and the tears fall a little harder. She curses her ears for echoing that sweet voice and damns her eyes for betraying her.
"You found me."
Ashley lips quiver as she is sure ruby red lips just whispered in her ear.
"You found me."
'Found you and lost you over and over' she thinks, 'over and over.'
"Ashley?"
A burst of tears stream forth at the sound of her name in Spencers' mouth. As she turns to face the younger girl her lip quivers. Spencer's own tears fall at the sight of those sad brown eyes and matching facial expression. She repeats, "You found me."
They stare long at each other with a gaze somewhere between "I love you,', 'I hate you,' 'I need you,' 'get away from me.' Scene one below them turns to scene two yet they haven't moved. It's hard for eyes to betray you when they are saying so many contradictory things at once. The lines of the actors below bounce off the walls, giving a bit of release to the moment. Two pairs of eyes are still locked. Two sets of lips still shut. Two stomachs flipping with butterflies. Two pairs of hands trembling. Two hearts weakly beating sporadically for possibility. Two stubborn heads unmoved. Two little girls. Two lovers lost: found.
"You found me," Spencer repeats, "you found me. You found me. You found me."
It is a mantra she has been holding back for years. It is one she has been wanting to say to Ashley for as long as she can remember. What she has always wanted; for Ashley to seek her out. For Ashley to be the one chasing. For Ashley to want it bad enough to look for her. For the shoe to be on the other foot. For Ashley to prove how well she really knows her. To come and find her and prove this is worth a fight. That this is worth the effort to Ashley. That Spencer is not just some girl to her. That she is special. That to Ashley she is the girl. The one you climb 30 feet for. That to Ashley she is the one you offer and ask total forgiveness of. That to Ashley, she is that unconditional love that comes once in a lifetime.
Spencer believes with all her heart, this is and always was; it.
The chance of a life time, speed your heart rate, make your lungs pump, soul mate kind of love that was postponed by youthful arrogance and rivalry that needn't be. The kind of pettiness only time could erase. The kind of wound that only time could heal. The kind of clarity that only comes with age.
"You found me," she repeats, leaning in until her lips mumble against Ashley's, "you found me."