School starts tomorrow, but I wanted to get one last chapter up before my sparatic updates! :-) Not ever giving up on this story. Not ever.
"Katniss! Peeta!" Cressida's voice is echoing as she gets closer and closer to us. I pull myself together and Haymitch releases me from his arms. With a little tap on my nose he walks away with a see you later or something or other. Finnick smiles says he needs to go see how Annie's doing and leaves. Johanna said she refuses to get caught up in a propo and leaves immediately. But not before asking our permission to see Willow. We keep telling her she doesn't need to ask, but she insists on it, so we let her do it. "Katniss! Peet—Ah! There you are!" She comes into the hallway by us. "Are you ready to go do this propo?"
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"District 12," she says with a smile. "To the square, to your little house. Just see where it takes us." She explains that there is a hovercraft ready. I simply need to change into my Mockingjay outfit, which now fits completely, and managed not to get stretched out to bad. Which is a good thing. Within minutes we're on a hovercraft headed for 12. Gale is with us, because I think Cressida just likes looking at him, which I guess I can understand. "Almost there!"
When we get there we all are lowered to the ground into the town square. Almost immediately Peeta is walking towards the bakery. Not fast, but not slow either. It's almost as if he's not sure if he should make himself keep going or whether he should stop. I don't follow him the whole way, thinking that he might need a minute or two alone to process the site.
"Do you think he saw the other propo?" Gale asks stepping up beside me.
"Which one?" I ask.
"The one where you stood in the rubble of the bakery and told him that there was no one to hear him," he explains and I remember. There was no one to hear him…that's also when I realized that I—and baby—would be the only thing for him to come home to. I think besides me, helping in that bakery was the best thing for him.
"I don't know," I finally say.
"He might need you to process this," Gale says.
"No," I say. "I think he needs to be alone for a bit. He wasn't especially close to anyone in his family, but they were still his family. And he loved that bakery Gale. All those beautifully decorated cakes were done by him, did you know that?"
"I watched the Games," he shrugs. "I knew when you knew. It really shouldn't have been a surprise." I shake my head in agreement. "Peeta was always there. I suppose it made sense."
I look at him, "'Peeta was always there'?"
He looks guilty, "Well I noticed one day that be paid a certain amount of attention to you, even though he didn't talk to you…so I watched him for a day. He—well, its Peeta. I don't know how to explain him."
"I don't either," I say smiling at him. "He's so good. All the time. I don't deserve him."
"You're wrong," he says. Stubbornly shaking his head. "I think you deserve him most."
I look at him, "Why do you say that?"
"Well, look at everything you've been willing to do for him since the first Games." We both look at Peeta who has now bent down and is poking around the ash. "You risked your life getting him that medicine, and everyday that you didn't abandon him to go hide out in a tree. Believe me, Katniss. If anyone deserves Peeta Mellark, it's you."
I rub his arm, "Thank you."
He nods.
For a few minutes we stand just watching Peeta, trying to decide if we should move forward or stay put. Finally we start inching forward. "I don't think I'll go all the way up just yet, Catnip." Finally! My old nickname. Maybe we can get back to being friends.
"Why?"
"I think he's going to need you in a minute or two," he points to Peeta. "He may not have necessarily cared about them…but that's the face of someone who has lost something important. Regardless, I think now's a good time to move forward." He gives me a gentle push.
"Thank you," I say squeezing his forearm before walking up behind Peeta. I kneel down beside him. I don't say anything. I'm just there. I don't know what to say to him, or what to do. I love my family, and they love me always have, and my parents never hit me—though I don't think Peeta's father ever would have hit him, but I don't know. I've never asked. I just felt like it wasn't my place. Married or not. I figured if he wanted to tell me about it then I would listen, but I'm not going to make him tell me anything he doesn't want to say.
"None of them made it?" he voice cracks.
"To the best of my knowledge," I sigh leaning my head on his shoulder and looping my arm through his. "No."
"What about Madge?" He asks and I answer by shaking my head. "I'm sorry Katniss."
I rub his arm, "I'm sorry Peeta. All of this is my fault."
"Katniss," he shakes his head. "You can't keep blaming yourself. Just because something happened, as a result of that arrow hitting the force field doesn't make it your fault. Blaming yourself won't get you anywhere. The people in the districts knew what they were getting themselves into, and it was their choice, and some paid for it with their lives…but that doesn't make you responsible." He grabs my outside hand and holds it. "I was going to take those berries too, remember? We both challenged the Capitol by doing that. So if we're being honest, this is as much my fault as it is yours."
"Oh that was perfect!" says Cressida from behind us.
"Yeah," says Gale. "I tried to stop her."
"No," says Peeta standing. "I think that was a good idea." He pulls me up. "They still need to know she's human and this might help that. She is, she's one of the most human, human beings I know. My family may not have made it out, but Katniss, I didn't lose my whole family. I have you and Willow. We can rebuild. When this war is over, I'm building another bakery."
"Well, I know I'd be disappointed if you didn't," says Gale. "I couldn't always afford it, but it was always worth the money that I'd spend to get it."
"Thanks Gale," Peeta smiles at him.
I don't know what I was so worried about. Ever since their talk earlier, I haven't felt for an instant that I need to separate—or shoot—them. So maybe they can work together. I wouldn't go so far as to say they become friends, but as long as there's no more hostility, then I'm fine. I can live with this. And Gale called me Catnip. Are we taking steps towards being friends again? I surely hope so. To lose Gale's friendship would be hard. Because for so long he'd been my only friend, well, besides Madge, but there is no more Madge. My shoulders slump as the thought registers. I never got to say goodbye to her the second time, and now I'll never get that opportunity. Madge was the only female friend I ever had—not anymore though. I think I might be closer to Johanna now than I ever was with Madge, but Johanna's been in the arena. She's experienced what it is to survive the Games. And she's seen Willow. She's so good with Willow. I can hardly imagine what it would be like without Johanna.
"Shall we go to the house?" Cressida asks pulling me back to reality.
"Peeta?" I look at him. I don't want to rush him away from the bakery if he's not ready to leave it yet.
"Yeah, sure," he says.
We make our way from the square to Victors Village where our house stands resolute. Unharmed by the firebombs dropped on the rest of District 12. We make it to the stairs on the porch.
"Let them go in first," Gale tells Cressida. There's no suggestion in his voice. He's telling them to give us a few minutes. I shoot him a thank you look. He'll know the difference. And I know that he does because he nods at me.
Peeta grabs my hand and we ascend the stairs. Looking over his shoulder, "Give us five minutes?"
"We'll give you ten," says Gale.
"Thanks," says Peeta and we enter the house.
The feeling is overwhelming. The last time I was here, Snow had Peeta. He left me a rose. He left me a rose! I run up the stairs pulling Peeta behind me. Upon entering our room I look for the bouquet. Upon seeing the rose I drop Peeta's hand walk over to it, rip it out of the vase, throw it on the floor and smash it underneath my boot. The look on Peeta's face is obvious confusion. "Snow." Is all I say before rushing over to him.
I jump in the air and wrap my legs around his hips, he staggers briefly, but catches me. "I never thought I would get you back!" Then he's kissing me. We haven't kissed like this since the morning in the dining hall. I never know what to think, or what I'm thinking when I'm kissing Peeta. That's the difference between Peeta's kisses and Gale's kisses. Gale kisses me and I can't stop thinking about it, comparing it, analyzing it. But when Peeta kisses me, the whole outside world fades away, and there is no one else around but the two of us. The only thing stopping us now from doing anything but kissing is the film crew downstairs as the door opens. Have we spent the whole ten minutes kissing? Not that that is a problem…it was a ten minutes well spent.
I hop down apologize for making him put so much pressure on his leg. He smiles and says it was worth it. I kiss him one more time and pull the rose off the ground, grab his hand and head back downstairs. Everyone looks at us quizzically. Everyone save Gale. This time there is no hate or anger in his expression, it's almost…amusement?
"Gift from Snow," I hold up the rose. "From months ago when he had Peeta." I walk over to the sink and drop it in the disposal, push the button and it's gone. But the stench is still here so I dump some soap down on top of it. I turn back to face the confused group. "Okay, what do you want to do while we're here?"
"I thought…" starts Cressida. "Tell us what life was like before the Games." Peeta and I look at each other.
"That's not gonna work," says Peeta.
"It's counter-productive to what we want to accomplish," I say.
"What is it we want to accomplish?" Cressida asks.
"Showing Snow, he can't hurt us anymore." Says Peeta.
"And by letting us take Peeta," I say. "We're stronger than ever before."
"But no mention of Willow," Peeta adds.
"Right," I confirm. "No mention of Willow at all. I don't want Snow knowing that there is a way to hurt both Peeta and I at the same time…and to make sure that it's felt and can never…"
"Just no mention of Willow," Gale cuts in.
"Alright, alright, alright," says Cressida throwing her hands in the air. "But we're losing a lot by not using her."
"No," say Peeta and I in unison.
"Fine," she shrugs. "But you two had better give me something to work with."
She finally gives Peeta and I full reign of what we're going to do. And we sit down on our couch and talk about what Snow did to Peeta, about everything that Finnick already said—well, I do, Peeta hadn't actually heard that—about Snow using him.
"I may have judged him a bit too harshly," says Peeta.
"It's okay," I reassure him. "We've worked it out already."
Then we talk about what it was like in the first Games, the Victory Tour, the second Games. People don't know what it's like in the arena unless they are told, and even still, no one really understands unless they've been there themselves. It's actually a much more emotional story than we thought it would be. Talking about when Peeta hit the force field. When I almost drowned. The conversation on the beach, we take a momentary interlude to talk about that between ourselves before continuing. Then we talk about that last goodbye, the "see you at midnight," that never happened. By the end of the conversation we're both crying. Cressida gives us a break and then the camera is on me. Peeta's already said what he wants to say.
"Snow," I glare at the camera. "You tried to take so much from me. My home, Peeta, my life…but you've failed. And you want to know why? Because you try so hard to hurt people. To hurt the victors. To hurt me, and Peeta, because we challenged you. We challenged the Capitol. We took a stand refusing to lose each other, refusing to give in to your sick Games. We came back fighting, we're fighting still. As long as there are people who oppose you, as long as there are people who will stand up against the Capitol, as long as I am alive, you will never sleep peacefully. Like I said before, we burn, you burn with us. There is no other option. If we go down, you're coming with us, and I can promise you, it will not be pretty."
I take a deep breath before continuing, "I'm coming for you. And you're not going to like it when I get there. I can promise you that much. You wanted me to convince you, done. I promised not to lie, well, guess what…try to call my bluff. Try to find that I don't mean every word I've just said, ever have said, or ever will say, and know that I mean them. Every. Single. One." I stand up. "You can't crush a people who still have hope. And hope is powerful. Hope, is why you're losing. Our hope keeps us fighting. And hope is why we'll never stop fighting, until we've won."
"Cut!" hollers Cressida, "We need to get back to 13 now!"
"'Girl on fire burns on,'" says Gale encouragingly.
"See, Katniss," says Peeta. "There's a reason you're the Mockingjay. You may not be so hot in front of a live audience…but you make a propo talking to Snow, and that's why the people follow you. That is why no one else could be the Mockingjay. That is why the hope you just talked about exists. Because you keep fighting."
"And you're right, Catnip," Gale adds. "We won't stop fighting. Not now. Not ever. We're in this war for the long haul. And we aren't stopping until it's done. We're not stopping till the whole Capitol is crumbling around Snow's feet. We're not stopping until we've won, and we will." He takes a deep breath. "Because like Peeta said, you're the reason hope exists. This is why you are the Mockingjay."