Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or anything that has to do with the Bleach franchise. :-(
Juushiro just looked at his lover in disbelief. She was lying there in his bed, fast asleep, dreaming about some other man. Not only that, but she had promised this other man that they'd always be together. Who was this Souta? Jealousy wasn't an emotion that Juushiro often felt, especially not when it came to Saya. She had never given him a reason to be jealous, but now he was feeling hurt, confused, and even envious of this unknown person.
Not feeling like laying next to Saya at that moment, Juushiro went into the main part of the house and sat down on the sofa. He stared at nothing while a million different scenarios ran through his head.
Surely she's not speaking of someone she knows now? I know all of the people that Saya familiarizes herself with and I have never heard of this 'Souta.' Besides she stays here with me almost every night, and has for the last twenty years. No actually, if I were being honest with myself I'd have to admit that I don't know all of the men that Saya knows. She has many friends in the ninth division that I am unaware of. Could it be one of her subordinates? No, I can't see Saya ever betraying me like that. She wouldn't, would she?
No longer being able to sit with his thoughts, Juushiro started to pace the room. The emotions coursing through his body made him feel uneasy. He tried to reassure himself that it was all a misunderstanding and that he was just jumping to conclusions. Maybe I misunderstood her? Yes, perhaps she said 'Shiro' instead of 'Souta.' But she's never called me just 'Shiro' before… No, she clearly said the other name.
"Master should calm down and wait to discuss this matter with his Saya." Twin fish sang as they jumped in and out of waves in Juushiro's mind.
"I know, I know. Why am I so bothered by this? Saya herself doesn't know all of her past and it wouldn't be unreasonable to think that she was involved with someone else before her accident. Although, I'm sure I have been her only lover."
"Master has had other lovers before he met his Saya. She doesn't hold it against you." The fish sang out again.
"Yes, but I haven't said their names in my sleep!" Juushiro retorted quickly. He sighed and attempted to calm his emotions and thoughts once more. "I'm sorry, I know you are only trying to help."
"Master should try to get some sleep."
"Of course. I will ask Saya about this when she wakes up." Juushiro walked back into his room and looked at Saya's sleeping figure on the bed. She was no longer talking in her sleep; her deep breathing being the only sound that broke the silence of the room. The moonlight washed over her face and Juushiro couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked, so peaceful and vulnerable in that moment. His eyes lingered on her supple lips, just barely parted as she slept. It made him sick to think that any but his lips had touched them. He shook his head once more to rid himself of the jealous creature lurking in his thoughts. Grabbing a blanket from the linen closet and a pillow from his bed, he made his way back out to the sofa.
Juushiro didn't sleep well that night. His thoughts were constantly going back to what Saya had said. When he dreamt, it was about Saya embracing some faceless man and turning her back on him, Juushiro. After hours of fighting the sleep battle he wasn't going to win, Juushiro decided to get up. He threw off his makeshift bedding and walked back into his room. The sunlight didn't make much of an impact through the dark blinds in his room where Saya lay sleeping, just as peaceful looking as she had the night before. Juushiro dressed himself quietly throwing frequent glances at Saya. He knew that it would be awhile before she slept off all the sake she had consumed the night before and he didn't want to stay in his small house, trapped with his thoughts.
I'll go visit Shunsui. At least I can ask one Kyouraku questions while the other sleeps. He's better at drinking than Saya, chances are he's up, or at least easily roused.
Juushiro wasn't altogether surprised when he walked into the eighth divison headquarters to see Shunsui snoring on the couch while Ise-san was working on paperwork. He smiled at his friend and then at Nanao.
"Good morning, Ukitake-taicho. Is there anything I can do for you?" Nanao asked after giving him a small bow.
"No, I just need to borrow your captain for a little bit, but thank you."
"I'm sure you'll have better luck waking him than I usually do. I need to go run some of these papers to other divisions anyway. If I don't see you again, have a good day, Ukitake-taicho."
"And you as well, Ise-fukutaicho." Juushiro bowed as Nanao walked passed.
Juushiro stared at his friend for a few more moments. "Shunsui, you're not fooling anyone with that fake snoring. Now wake up." Juushiro said as he kicked the cushions under Shunsui to give him a little jostle.
A huge smile spread on Shunsui's face as he lifted his straw hat off of his head. "How'd you know?"
"We shared a dorm room for six years in academy. I know the difference between your real snores and your fake ones. I'm surprised Ise-san hasn't learned to differentiate them yet." Juushiro laughed a little after his comment, but the fake smile he wore didn't fool his best friend.
"What's wrong, Juushiro?" Shunsui said, his tone growing a little more serious.
"I don't really think anything is wrong, Shunsui. It's just that… I'm bothered by something." Juushiro answered while looking down at the floor. He had positioned himself next to Shunsui on the couch, but didn't lean back in the lazy position his friend was currently in. Juushiro sat on the edge, leaned over with his elbows on his knees.
"Something to do with Saya-chan?" Shunsui asked again.
Juushiro just nodded before going on. "Have you ever heard of someone by the name of Souta?"
"Souta?" Shunsui repeated while trying to place the name. "Isn't that one of Saya's friends from town? I think they played together when she lived with my father."
Juushiro looked back at Shunsui who was currently rubbing his chin. So it is someone she knows now? Juushiro panicked when he realized that there may be a very real threat to his and Saya's relationship.
"Oh no, no, no. That's Miroku I'm thinking of. Hmm… don't know why I got confused, the names don't even sound the same, do they? Oh well. Let's see, I've never heard of a Souta before." Shunsui said.
Juushiro's face dropped, he didn't know if he wanted to hug or hit his friend. Shunsui saw his expression and tried to become a little more serious again. "Why, who is he?"
"I don't know. But Saya… she said his name last night in her sleep."
"At least she didn't say it while you were making love." Shunsui said as he gave Juushiro a cheesy smile. Juushiro had wished Nanao was there at the moment, he knew that she would have hit Shunsui for a comment like that.
"Please be serious, Shunsui. In her sleep, she said that she wanted to make him happy and that they'd always be together."
Shunsui heard the hurt tone of his friend's voice and dropped his face into a sincere smile. "Juushiro, I doubt this Souta person is someone you need to feel threatened by. Perhaps she did say something like that to him, but it doesn't look like he cared enough to find her after she was hurt. For all you know he could be dead now. It may even be a family member. I could see myself making a similar promise like that to Saya, promising to always stick beside her. You know her past usually comes to her in her dreams, most likely this Souta is from her past. Honestly, I don't see why you're so worried. Have you not seen the way my sister looks at you? The king himself could walk down the street and make her an offer of marriage that she couldn't refuse, but she would refuse it because she only has eyes for you. I thought you smarter than this, Juushiro."
Juushiro laughed at Shunsui's last sentence. He appreciated his words and already felt better. If anyone could put things in perspective for him, it was Shunsui and vice versa.
"Now, is there anything else? Something that you should be worrying about?" Shunsui teased.
Juushiro just smiled at his friend. "No, and thank you, Shunsui. I think I'll go back to Saya now. Hopefully she's awake and I can finish this conversation with her."
"Good idea. Now go quickly, I hope to be asleep before Nanao-chan gets back."
Saya woke up and rolled over expecting Juushiro to be there to cuddle next to. Instead, she rolled over to an empty side of the bed. With her eyes still closed, she felt around with her hand to make sure she wasn't mistaken. No she wasn't, Juushiro wasn't there and his side of the bed was cold meaning he hadn't been there for awhile. She opened one eye and lifted her head off of the pillow to scan the dark room.
"He's not here?" She said to herself. "Maybe he's out in the living room?" She gave herself false hope, although already knowing the answer because the presence she wanted couldn't be felt.
Literally rolling out of bed and onto the floor, Saya eventually found her feet and shuffled her way out into the main room. She squinted her eyes against the light of the sun pouring through the windows. "Juushiro?" As expected, Saya received silence as her answer. She sat herself down on the couch and pouted slightly. Juushiro had never just left her before. If he had to leave for work earlier than she had to get up he would always nudge her and give her a good bye kiss. She didn't remember him doing that this morning.
Well, I was rather intoxicated last night. Maybe I don't remember him saying goodbye? But that didn't sit well with Saya. Something didn't feel right about this. She tried to think over the night before. Did we have a fight? No, I definitely would have remembered that. Unease settled in around her. She tried to shake the feeling and convince herself that she was just being paranoid, but her instincts told her otherwise.
Saya started to rub her temples as a headache set in and debated if a bath or coffee would be better to start off her day; after a few minutes, the bath won. She sat in the deep tub with her legs pulled against her chest, resting her chin on her knees. Her eyes were closed as she took in deep breaths, letting the steam from the water help loosen her aching head. The uneasiness that had set in from earlier still hadn't left her and she ran through her memory from the night before, what parts of it she had anyway.
I'm just being silly. Saya tried to tell herself. Post-sake paranoia.
Hearing noises, Saya got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around her. She didn't bother putting on a robe, sensing no one other than Juushiro in the house. She found him in the kitchen making coffee. Before he could turn to greet her, Saya had snaked her arms up and around his shoulders. She pressed her forehead between his shoulder blades and felt like she never wanted to let go.
"I'm so glad you're here." Saya said in a sad voice. "I can't explain it, but I was so worried when I woke and found you gone. Juushiro has never left me like that before. Juushiro has always said goodbye. Now that you're here I'm afraid to let you go because I don't want you to leave me again."
Juushiro listened to what Saya said and guilt started to settle in on him. Here he was, worrying that she was in love with someone else, and his absence caused her pain. She really thought that I had left her? He started silently chastising himself for his actions.
"I was afraid that I did something to displease you. If I have, please tell me so that I may right it." Saya said again, pressing herself closer to Juushiro.
Juushiro turned and wrapped his arms around Saya, pulling her into him. "Forgive me, Saya."
"But you are upset about something?"
Juushiro grabbed Saya shoulders and pushed her away enough so that he could look into her eyes. The only things he saw in them were worry and concern. He also saw that she was in nothing but a towel. She didn't even take the time to get dressed before she came to me? I must have really caused her to worry. Juushiro sighed. "Saya, I have to ask you something... Who is Souta?"
"Souta?" Saya repeated. The dream from the other night came back to her. Had she mentioned him to Juushiro without telling him the rest of the story? Although Saya was curious as to why Juushiro was asking about him and why he seemed so upset about it, she decided that she should answer him first and then ask her own questions later.
"I'm not sure exactly. I dreamt about him the other night. He was a little boy that I saved from being killed by a hollow. He was small for his age and bullied a lot. In my dream, he told me he was twelve, but he looked about nine to me. After I saved him, I remember that I took him with me. That's all that I remember about Souta-kun."
Juushiro raised an eyebrow and then tried to put on an impassive face. "That's all you remember? You've only dreamt about him once?"
"Yes, that's all I remember and yes, only once." Saya said, looking back at Juushiro a little confused. "I don't understand, why are you asking?"
"Last night in your sleep you were talking to him."
"Was I?" Saya tried to remember her dreams from the night before, but nothing came to mind. She didn't remember her dreams or even if she had any at all.
"You… you promised to always be together with him." Juushiro said quietly, looking away from Saya as he spoke.
It was starting to dawn on her as to why she had an uneasy feeling and why Juushiro acted the way he did. She didn't remember if she had dreamt about Souta last night and she wouldn't have known if she was talking in her sleep, all she knew now was the she inadvertently hurt Juushiro's feelings and felt awful for it.
"Juushiro, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I don't remember any memories of him other than the one I told you about. I don't know what my relationship was with him. But what does that matter now? All I know, is that I want you and no one would be able to convince me otherwise. Please don't be angry at me for things that I can't even remember from my past." Saya wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest. "Please, Juushiro. I love you. What matters is us, right now, doesn't it? What about the promise I made to you twenty years ago? Does that mean nothing to you? I meant what I said then, no other man."
Saya looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Guilt was now the only emotion Juushiro was experiencing. Again, he chided himself for acting so foolishly. He had no reason to doubt Saya or himself. He bent down and gave her a gentle kiss. "Forgive me for being an old fool. It was hard for me to think of you with anyone else. I believe you."
Saya smiled and as tears started to run down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away.
"But I'm going to have to apologize in advance, now." Juushiro said, still sounding serious.
"What do you mean?"
"Well Saya, it looks like you've already cleaned yourself… but I'm afraid I'm going to have to dirty you up again." He said as a mischievous smile spread across his face. Saya felt herself blush as Juushiro grabbed her, led her to the bedroom, and pushed her down on his bed. I know she meant her promise, but it wouldn't hurt to remind her why she wants only me.
Saya watched as her lover's bare chest rose and fell with each breath. Having not gotten much rest in the night, Juushiro fell asleep quickly after their stretch of lovemaking. Usually in this position, Saya be wearing a small smile, but no smile graced her lips. However, she didn't wear a frown either. She simply stared at Juushiro as the words they shared a few hours earlier played through her head.
Saya tried to understand why Juushiro acted the way he did by putting herself in his position. She guessed that she would have been extremely hurt as well; no one wants to hear his or her lover speak the name of another. But now she was curious about Souta as well. She had actually been satisfied with Kamikaze's answer before; that he had been taken in by the guard. Thinking about it now, the answer seemed rather vague.
"Does Saya-sama wish to ask me something?" Hanryo teased. Saya could see him sitting underneath "their" tree, playing with a foxglove that he picked, the wind whipping his hair playfully.
"What was my relationship with Souta-kun?" Saya asked the other part of herself.
"Does it matter, Saya-sama?"
"It matters to me."
"Even though you have the pretty captain, who may I remind you, is laying next to you as we have this conversation about another man?"
"I know, but now I'm curious. I don't remember the dream that I had in which I promised to always be by his side, but clearly this Souta was an important person to me. I want to know what my relationship with him was like."
"If I told you that you were more than just close friends, would it change the way you feel about your captain there?"
"No. I love Juushiro and will always love him."
Hanryo took a minute to smell the flower in his hand before answering Saya. "He was incredibly important to you. You never allowed your relationship to become physical, but you were two were closer than just friends. How could you not be though? You were with each other every day, always together. If you found one, you found the other. The only times he wasn't with you was when the king sent you on your lone missions or when you snuck out by yourself. Otherwise, Souta was always by your side.
"When he was still young and much smaller than you, you would sit with him between your knees and hug him from behind, sometimes for hours, and tell him old legends and fairy tales. Eventually, he grew too big for that and you would lean on him. There were many nights that other guard members found you two in one of the gardens, you asleep in his lap. You protected him until he was able to protect himself. Then you protected each other.
"I don't think that I can explain the bond you had. It was different than the union you have with Juushiro or the attachment you have to Shunsui, but just as important."
Saya kept her eyes on Juushiro as she tried to search for any other memories of Souta. Although no images came to mind, the feelings she felt for him slowly surfaced. She remembered how much she cared for him, how much he meant to her. She could feel the love she held for him, not the same as the love she felt for Juushiro, but still it was love. She didn't see him as just a friend, but didn't love him like a brother in the way she loved Shunsui. No, even Saya was unable to explain the bond she felt for Souta. He was her best friend and confidant. He showed the utmost of loyalty towards her, happy to serve her, whatever her demands. She could tell that, in her past life, he had been the only one to receive her true kindness that never seemed to be present in her memories.
Closing her eyes didn't help; the tears still flowed out from behind her lids. Saya hadn't returned to the king's realm because she felt she had nothing to return for. She didn't want to be used as the king's personal assassin and was happy that they hadn't found her in her new life. But she couldn't help but feel weighed down by the guilt of knowing that Souta was there, living without her. But along with guilt, was the pain of thinking that he hadn't looked for her when she went missing.
"No, Souta-kun would have definitely tried to find me. He just wasn't able to, that's all."
"Saya-sama, I thought you said it wouldn't change the way you feel."
"IT DOESN'T!" Saya snapped at her zanpakuto. She saw him raise a curious eyebrow at her. Taking a few breaths to calm herself, "Don't give me that look. It doesn't change the way I feel about Juushiro."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to stay here. I want to be with Juushiro. I'll never go back to the King's Realm willingly. I know that I love Souta, but I don't love him the same way. Besides, I don't care to be treated like the king's personal assassin. I'm happy here and so I will stay."
"Someday, Saya-sama, you might not have the choice."
Saya could feel the tears surge forth with new vigor as she felt the truth behind Hanryo's words.
"Saya!" Juushiro exclaimed. He was woken up by her stifled sobs and had been surprised to wake up to her crying.
Saya allowed herself to be taken into his arms and held on to him tighly, all while mentally screaming at herself for allowing her emotions to take control of her body so easily.
"Saya, are you okay?" He asked as he held her tightly against his chest.
"Forgive me, Juushiro. I'm just being foolish. I was just thinking that I am happy to be here with you and that nothing could change that, I swear. I love you very much. Please don't be mad at me." She chocked out between sobs. It wasn't the whole truth, but it was all she could share.
"I love you too, silly girl." Juushiro said as he kissed her head. "Here I thought that it was something serious."
Saya just laughed a little as she pressed herself as close as physically possible to her Juushiro.
Author's Note: Request! If any of my reader's are able to draw (I can't to save my life!) would someone mind drawing me a picture of Juushiro and Saya? I would be ever-so-grateful! firewaterearthwind drew me a black and white of Saya, which I love and she even made Saya and Juushiro sims! Which are watching tv and you can check them out as my icon on my profile page. But if anyone wouldn't mind drawing me a picture I would really appreciate it! By no means is this a "IT MUST BE DONE!" demand or anything, just curious... and hopeful! If you'd like, I'll even write you a one-shot... pairing your choice! (thought I'd throw in a bribe for good measure!)
Thank you to firewaterearthwind, Kairi-senpai, SorryCharlie, Cara-mae-chan, DaydreamerMagby, Fefisgbf13, GermanBubbles, rukia23, Ukitake-chan, and Bleacheese for reviewing!
To all my readers, please take the time to post! Thank you so much!