Ok, I know that Lupin teaches boggarts early in the year, but maybe he taught another lesson on them, or maybe I just made a little mistake. I like to think he teaches another lesson on them.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter twenty-five – Black is Back

Song: Don't Let Me Get Me - Pink

I was out of classes for the time being and had chosen to watch Remus teach about boggarts. Of course I was watching from the doorway.

It was interesting to find out the worst fears of the students, something I could use later. It was even better to know that I was Neville Longbottom's worst fear. Absolutely delightful.

But that's when things went wrong. Potter's boggart got out of control, and Lupin had to step in, causing the boggart to change to the full moon. Of course the students didn't get it. Hermione smiled to herself though, while I scowled from the doorway. Why had I even bothered stopping by this place.

As the students filed out of the room one by one Lupin turned to see me.

"Would you care to give it a go?"

"No, I would prefer to keep my worst fear from the world, thank you, I just happened to bring you by your potion."

"Why thank you," he said taking the bottle from my hands, "But you must give it a go. You've seen my boggart, I'd like to see yours."

"Lupin, must I warn you that if a student is walking by what they would have heard."

"Innuendo, so what. Show me," he said gesturing towards the closet.

"No, I would really rather not," said stepping away, I knew what I would see, and it wouldn't be frightening, but it sure would give Lupin a different perspective on me.

"Come on Severus, we all have skeletons in our closet, just open the door and get rid of it, since you're so good at dark arts."

"Fine," I said stepping forward and throwing open the doors of the wardrobe as the boggart stepped out. I had known what it would be, but Lupin hadn't, and he managed to drop the potion I had just given him, spilling the contents on the floor.

Standing in front of me was a tall man, with black hair. He had an evil grin on his face. A grin that made my stomach churn, and I had to put up with it on a daily basis. Looking at the man in front of me was worse then a mirror, at least a mirror showed me how I wanted to see me, but this man, he was me at my worst moments. My boggart and worst fear was myself.

"Severus, I had no idea," Lupin said, trying to pick up the shards of glass on the floor.

"Ridiculous! Well, now you know. And I suppose you will be needing a new potion," I said, turning around smoothly, trying to seem casual and smooth, but inside I was fighting for breath.

"Yes, I will. But if you had only told me… if you had only," Lupin stuttered.

"What's next, the mirror of Erised where you can see me and Reggie?" I asked, knowing that that wasn't what we would see at all, it was only the beginning. I knew the first thing that would be seen was me and Reggie, both of us standing, our forearms bare. For that's what I most wanted. This cursed mark was a mistake, I wanted it gone, I didn't want to know what I had once been. In short I wanted redemption.

I led Lupin to my office where I began to brew the potion. He invited himself in and took a seat in the only comfortable chair I had. I don't seem to remember telling him he could sit in my chair.

"You know Severus, he isn't just looking for Harry?" he said breaking the long silence. It wasn't really a question, but a statement. A warning.

"I'm sure Lupin, but as long as he isn't looking for me I don't care. Have fun getting away from him."

"I'm not talking about me. Severus, think of the two people he would want to see fresh out of jail," he said handing me a bottle of salamander blood, that I stirred into the potion.

"James and Regina, he sees James in Harry, and Regina in… Granger?"

"No, your forgetting he hasn't heard about her death yet. Who is he most likely to learn her whereabouts from?"

"The angel of death?" I said.

"Close enough… you, I'm talking about you. He is after you. And he's already come close to Harry once. It's only a matter of time before you're next," he said, dusting off his robes, his voice ringing like the end of a ghost story, "You can drop the potion off in my office when it's done, I haven't the time to wait."

I waited for him to leave before sarcastically asking if he would like his slippers and his paper with that.

As the potion simmered I slipped a rat tail into it, for Lupin's own personal enjoyment and then poured a good deal of it into the cylinder bottle.

But when I arrived in his office holding the bottle Lupin was nowhere to be seen, but a bit of old parchment was sitting on his desk. Once again curiosity overcame me and I put down Lupin's potion and walked over to the parchment that was most defiantly a map.

On it there were moving footprints, and it didn't take long for me to figure out how it worked, and even less time to find Lupin, with five other sets of footprints.

I was startled to find him standing with Black, Pettigrew, Granger, Potter, and Weasley. I had known! I had been right about Lupin helping Black all along, and worse yet, they were endangering the lives of the students. I couldn't care less about children, but I loved my job, and that required me to not treat this situation with apathy.

I had two choices, I could go to Dumbledore, and hope he and the dogcatchers could get there on time, or I could go myself. Now, as someone who loved harping on old grudges, which was more likely for me to do? Shy away from the situation and once again chalk up another regret, or come face to face with Black and personally kill him for the many things he'd done to ruin my life. Really, what to do, what to do?

As I stumbled around the entrance to the shrieking shack I happened to find silk, running through my fingers. What, did you honestly believe I would go to Dumbledore? Could this be an invisibility cloak? I slipped it over my shoulders and found that it was a bit small, meant for a teenager, but still worked like a charm in covering everything but my feet.

I crept down the hall, pushing aside a door, and hearing Lupin's clam voice coming from the room.

"All right…but you'll need to help me Sirius… I only know how it began."

I pushed open the door, but then an idea occurred to me. I would wait and listen. The floor creaked as I moved my feet out of view and stuck my head through the door, watching the scene unfold.

It wasn't until he mentioned the potion that I began to panic. I wanted to hear the story… but if I didn't give Lupin his potion we would all be in danger. Of course he had waited three weeks, he could wait three more minutes.

But the story was taking too long. Of course he didn't say anything I didn't know, well not including the thing about Peter being alive, but I wanted the children to hear what I had known all along, so I kept hidden, until my name was mentioned.

"… So you see, Snape has been right about me the whole time."

"Snape? What's he got to do with it?"

"He's here Sirius. He's teaching here as well," Lupin said, but I could hear the sadness in his voice. He had been wrong, Sirius hadn't known about me, but now he did, and it was only a matter of time before he knew about her as well, and who would he blame for her death. I blamed him, but I was willing to bet he would blame me.

I listened as they told the story that still made me cringe to this day. And then Harry made a startlingly accurate conclusion.

"So that's why Snape doesn't like you, because he thought you were in on the joke?"

And that's when I chose to make my appearance.

"That's right," I said, removing the cloak and stepping into the light, my wand barred. I would not be caught off guard this time, and I would not be made a fool of again. But to my shock I wasn't more angry at Black for my friend's death, this time I pointed my wand directly at Lupin's chest.

Not moving my wand away from Lupin I threw Potter his cloak back and thanked him for allowing me to borrow it, but not in those words. What I said might have been a bit more spiteful.

And then I explained how I had come here, in triumph. I had finally won one. There would be no eating soap, no bloody nose, and no revealing of underpants. I had finally won.

But anger had come over me. If I could have watched the scene I would have been my least favorite character. I had been consumed by a childhood grudge, watching Potter torture me while Black stole my girl. Reason wasn't getting through. I had one thought. I wanted Black to suffer. I wanted him gone for what he had done to me. For what he had done to her.

There was a black fog in my mind. I was vaguely aware of rambling, and vaguely aware of tying Lupin up with magic ropes.

And now I was staring into the eyes of Black, anger ready to make me do it. The killing curse. Six simple syllables, two simple words.

"Give me a reason to do it!" I ordered him, "Give me a reason and I swear I will."

But like always my anger had worn out fast, and once again I was feeling guilty. In Black's hate-filled eyes I saw her laugh. She had loved him. Could I kill someone she had loved? Well, could I?

Now Granger was stepping forward. She was asking me to give them a chance. There was reason in her voice. It was the same voice she used when she had asked me about Reggie. I told her to hold her tongue, that she didn't understand, but she understood. She knew there was more, that's why she was stepping forward. Ever the smart witch, she had pieced together that Reggie was a part of this.

But as I spoke to her Black lunged. Not far, he stopped before I turned around. Questions now burning in his eyes. Had he seen Reggie next to me, the way I had seen her by him?

"What about her?" he mouthed, so no one else heard. I turned away, but only briefly, only long enough to refill my anger. He had driven her to it. If he hadn't been arrested, if she hadn't believed him dead, she wouldn't have been driven to such a horrible act. It was all his fault.

Insults flew between Black and me. There was no one else there to us, and it was barely about the present. Both of us reliving the past, and blaming it on the other. I saw Reggie's death; he saw his years in jail. And suddenly he was pleading with me. He didn't want to go back. I didn't understand then. I know now why he wouldn't want to go back there.

But he was going back. So he hadn't killed Pettigrew, so he hadn't killed the muggles, and so he hadn't been a death eater. But he had killed her, and that was the worst crime he could have ever committed, and I would take him back. I would get him the dementors kiss.

But Harry wouldn't go. He was going to argue with me now. He too brought up school, although he couldn't fathom the depth of it.

"Harry, no. You don't —" I heard Hermione whispered as the boy taunted me, but he didn't hear her.

I shouted back at the boy. The last thing I wanted to hear was Potter trying to make me understand that holding on to a grudge his father had implanted on me was childish. I didn't need that, and I wouldn't have it.

But I had gone too far in yelling. There was a flash of green light, and then darkness. The voices grew farther away. I had been attacked by three of my students.

By the time I awoke there was nothing I could do. The werewolf was gone, so was the dog, and the rat, and Hermione and Harry. Ron was laying on the ground by me, looking frightened. Peter had put a spell on him… no, Peter had left him alone. The boy had just fainted. He was frozen with fear.

"Ronald! Where did they go?!" I asked, franticly shaking his shoulder. I had ruined everything. I had let grudges consume me, and now the children were going to be killed because of it, both murderers would go free, Lupin could turn someone (I feared it might be Miss Granger, because life is ironic in ways I cannot fathom) and I was most certainly out of a job.

"The lake!" he said, his voice oozing fear. I dropped him back to the ground and ran. It was selfish, but I couldn't let them die. I couldn't loose my job! And after James had saved me from a werewolf I felt I owed the same to Harry. But I had nothing to fear. I found them lying there by the lake.

Well, all but the monster. I lifted Harry over my shoulder, summoning Sirius with my wand.

"Professor?" came a small voice.

"Miss Granger? Can you walk?"

"I think so… Sirius, there was something more wasn't there?"

"Not now. Can you help Mr. Weasley walk?"

"No! There was something more!"

"Yes! But now is not the time!" I roared, heading up the hill with Harry's limp body over my shoulder. The boy had to weigh way more then I had at his age.

"You blame him for what she did! He blames you!" she screamed as she followed me up the hill, "But don't you see how childish that is? You were both close to her! Would she have wanted this? She is responsible for her death! You can't turn in an innocent man for no reason!"

"You're too smart for your own good. But now isn't the time," I said, lifting Ron over my other shoulder. Black moaned from his sleepwalking trance behind us.

"But I'm right aren't I?" she asked, taking Ron from me and pulling him up to the school herself.

She was right. I was being childish, but what could I do?

When I got back to the castle I talked to Dumbledore about it all. He tried to encourage me to go to the press with the real story, but there was no reason in that. Who would believe three teenagers and a retired death eater? He told me he would look into it, but until then Barty Crouch wished to speak with me.

I tried my best to keep Black out of trouble, but at the same time I felt I had to protect the students. It was hard juggling the good of them back and fourth.

"Yes, this cut that could have killed me is from the students not Black, but don't expel them, he had bewitched them. Although if he hadn't they probably would have done much worse, but to be fair they were trying to bring Black back to you, even though Black wasn't technically hiding, and the girl has always been an incredible student… what I mean is…"

"Severus, stop going on and on… I'm sure you're boring Mr. Crouch."

"No Albus… I'd love to hear more."

"No! No more! Severus! Go to bed! I will take care of this," Dumbledore said.

I felt like a child again. I seemed to recall the time where I had broken a lamp playing with an imaginary friend (laugh if you wish, we all had them) and in order to save me from a beating from my father, my mother had sent me to my room with what I had thought of as a very stern punishment, to make me look less likely to need a whipping.

It was amazing how much I had been accepted into Dumbledore's family, and a little frightening that he spoke to me the way a mother speaks to her child.