Author's Note: This chapter has so many feels. And a lot of processing. And I'm pretty ok with that.

Holly lost it a little. She was really worried about Gail and the baby and it came out as anger. She isn't angry at Gail. She is angry at Duncan, but even then, screaming explosively isn't her style. She's feeling guilty for reasons that will be pointed out. That guilt came out as a freak out. Gail was disturbed by it and hormones and concussion don't make for sane reasoning.

To the guest who continues to leave comments about updating: Patience is a virtue.

Gail lay back on the bed, wincing as she hit the pillow. Damn, her head hurt. But she was too stunned to consider the pain for any longer than a few seconds. Everything she had felt in the last couple of hours faded into the background. All that remained was a hollowness, an empty feeling that had appeared the moment Holly left her alone in her hospital room.

She rehashed the scene that had just occurred, over and over in her mind, trying to understand what her wife had been thinking. They had been comforting each other, both a little (or maybe a lot) shaken, but holding it together. Holly hadn't seemed angry with her. In fact, she hadn't seemed angry at all until Duncan showed up. Fucking Gerald.

Gail wanted to throttle the young officer, but Holly had looked as if she was barely holding herself back from murdering him. She had even yelled, which Holly never did. Her wife wasn't the type to lose her cool. Burst into tears and ramble? Sure. But explode heatedly at a police officer and shove her finger into his chest? Definitely not.

But then Gail would also never have predicted that Holly would leave Gail alone in the hospital when she was injured. In the past, Holly had always staunchly refused to leave Gail for any period of time when she was hurt, even after she knew Gail would make a full recovery. In fact, Holly tended to be clingy, not wanting to leave the hospital room, even to eat, and preferring to be touching Gail in some way, even just a hand on a leg, almost all of the time.

So the fact that Holly had left, when Gail had a concussion that was still being monitored? It was more than unsettling. Especially considering what Holly had said just before she left. She had said, "I can't." And her face had been pained and sad. What couldn't she do? See Gail in pain another time? Hold her hand? Stay with Gail? Stay with Gail. Oh God.

She felt the air leave her chest and her thoughts began to race. What if Holly really couldn't take it anymore? Just as the horrifying possibility of what Holly could have meant crossed her mind, Chris walked into the room. "Hey, Holly told me I could come see you." He crossed the room and pulled a stool up to the side of the bed to sit down.

"What did she say? Did she say where she was going?" Gail asked a little frantically, as she balled the sheets in her fists.

Chris's forehead creased in confusion. "She just told me that you were ok and that I could come see you."

"But did she say when she'd be back? Did you see which way she went?" Gail asked quickly, ignoring the look of concern on her friend's face.

Chris appraised his friend's body language for a moment and then asked carefully, "Did something happen?"

"Just answer the questions!" Gail raised her voice slightly, her desperation seeping through. She knew it wasn't rational, but she felt like the answers to these questions were vital to her maintaining her sanity.

Raising up his hands in defeat, Chris answered sincerely, "She didn't say when she'd be back or where she was going. She just walked toward the exit. I assumed she was going to make some phone calls." He paused when Gail's chin dropped to her chest. "Is everything ok, Gail?"

Ignoring his question and without looking up, Gail pleaded, "Can you go look for her? Just…can you find her and tell her I need her?"

Chris rose from his seat and gripped the bed rail. "Are you in pain? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

"No!" Gail yelled, grabbing his forearm. She took a breath and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calm her racing heart. When she opened them again, they were shining with tears. "Please just…will you please just go look for her?"

He studied her face for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, ok. I'll find her. Don't worry." He squeezed the hand on his arm and then swiftly left the room.

Gail let out a breath and rested her hand on her stomach. "Thank you."

Gail was moved to a regular room about thirty minutes later. She was trying to distract herself from the panic that had settled in her chest by watching TV. She was flipping the channel for what felt like the hundredth time when a visitor walked into her room.

"Hey mama," Traci said, crossing the room to the bed. "How are you?"

"Did you know the only things on TV at this time of day are talk shows where pathetic people argue over the paternity of their children and soap operas where every person has an evil twin and a secret lover?" Gail grumbled.

Traci smiled. "Feeling a little restless? You can't be too bad off if you're complaining about the entertainment."

"I'm fine," Gail said with a frown.

Traci placed her hand on Gail's and asked seriously, "The baby's ok, right?"

Gail looked into her sister-in-laws eyes and nodded. "Yeah, the bean is fine." She smiled a little, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Traci sighed and sat in the chair next to the bed. "Good. When Holly called me…"

"Holly called you?" Gail interrupted, sitting up a little straighter in the bed.

"Yeah, where is she?" Traci glanced toward the hall. "Hassling a nurse to look at your chart?" She smiled at the memory.

Gail looked down at her hands. "She um…I don't know where she is."

Traci's brow furrowed. "Wait, she hasn't been here yet?"

Gail shook her head. "No, she was here. But she…she left."

Traci was really confused now. Holly usually couldn't be pried away from Gail when she was injured. "What? What happened?"

Gail's eyes started to water. "I don't know, Trace. We were hugging because we had just seen on the ultrasound that the baby was ok. Everything seemed ok, I mean we were scared, but we were ok. And then Duncan showed up and she lost it. She went off on him, screaming and she shoved her finger in his chest, saying that it was his fault I was hurt."

"Wow, that doesn't sound like Holly," Traci said, surprised.

"I know!" Gail exclaimed as she turned back to look at her sister-in-law, fear in her eyes. "She never yells. And then when I tried to get up to talk to her, she said if I wasn't going to take care of the baby, she was going to make me."

Traci put her hand on Gail's shoulder. "Hey, she was upset and probably still terrified. You know she didn't mean that. And if I know her, she probably feels awful for saying it." When Gail only nodded but didn't say anything else, Traci sensed there was more. "Did she say anything else?"

"Yeah, she said she couldn't do this and then said she was going to take a walk. Traci, what do you think she meant?"

"What she said, Gail. That she was taking a walk. She was probably just overwhelmed and needed to clear her head. I'm sure she surprised herself when she blew up at Duncan."

"Yeah, but, what did she mean when she said 'I can't do this?' What can't she do?" Gail asked, the panic filling her voice again.

"I think she just meant she couldn't handle the emotion of the moment. Don't over think it, Gail. She'll be back soon," Traci said confidently.

But Gail had to give voice to her fears. It felt like they were churning inside her and she needed to say them out loud. "What if she meant she couldn't be with me? What if she can't handle me getting hurt anymore? What if she really left?"

Traci paused for a split second and then burst into laughter.

Gail was incredulous. "Traci! I'm serious! I'm freaking out!"

Shaking her head, Traci continued to chuckle. "Tell me you're not really that obtuse?" Gail raised her eyebrows in question, causing Traci to sigh and continue. "Sweetie, anyone who has ever seen the two of you together knows that Holly would never leave you. She loves you too much."

"Yeah, but everyone has a threshold. What if this was her last straw? What if she doesn't want to be a cop's wife anymore?"

"You are worried about that because she said she needed to get some air? You are overreacting. Holly made her decision a long time ago, Gail. She would never leave you. And if I know my sister-in-law, she'll be mortified that she left you for even an hour while you were in the hospital."

Gail looked back down at the sheets and shook her head, not quite ready to believe Traci's words. "You didn't see her face, Traci. I'm really scared."

What the hell was she thinking? Holly was pacing a line back and forth in front of the entrance to the hospital. Her shirt was slightly damp as part of her track led her out from under the awning into the sprinkling rain. But she was completely unaware of the weather. The only thing on her mind was how she had blown up at Officer Moore and then left her injured wife alone in a hospital room. She had spent the last fifteen minutes trying to understand her own actions.

She never yelled. Sure, she had gotten angry with people before. When interns had made huge mistakes in the lab and nearly ruined evidence, she had fiercely reprimanded them. But she had never raised her voice. In the history of her relationship with Gail, they had had some pretty epic fights, but again, she had never screamed at Gail. She wasn't a yeller. The only time she could remember raising her voice was during that dry cleaning murder when she had been terrified that Gail would ingest the toxic fumes and shouted at her to leave the room. But Gail had been in danger then. Her reaction was warranted, even if she could have handled it differently.

Sure, Gail had been in danger earlier today. Her car had flipped over, for god's sake. But when Duncan came in, she had just found out that Gail and the baby were ok. There was no longer an immediate risk. And still she had screamed and, god, she had pushed her finger into Duncan's chest. What had made her cross so quickly from terror to rage? She wasn't upset with Gail. The accident wasn't her wife's fault. But still she had said something terribly hurtful to her wife. And sure, Duncan was to blame, but still. It wasn't Duncan's fault that Gail was on patrol. It was hers. Holly hadn't followed her instincts to make sure Gail and the baby were safe. Shit.

Holly stopped and closed her eyes with the realization.

Interrupting her train of thought was Chris. "Holly? Oh man, I've been looking everywhere for you," he said as he walked toward her.

She shook her head and turned to look at the officer. "Chris? Is Gail ok? Did something happen?" She grabbed his arm, icy panic filling her chest again. Would she ever get used to that feeling?

He gripped her shoulder. "No, no. She's fine. But she sent me to find you. She told me to tell you she needed you."

"Are you sure she's ok?" Holly asked, not quite convinced that her wife was ok.

"Yeah, I think she just misses you. What are you doing out here?" Chris glanced out at the rain, falling steadier now.

Holly looked down at the ground. "Um, I just…I needed some air."

"Are you mad at Gail?" Chris asked nervously.

Looking up quickly, shock on her face, Holly replied, "What? No, of course not! Why would you think that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. It's just that usually nothing can separate the two of you, especially when Gail's hurt. And she looked scared."

Holly's eyes teared up. "She did?" She scuffed her foot on the pavement. "Dammit." But her curse was more one of sadness than of anger.

"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help," he said gently.

Holly wiped a tear from her cheek. "I just…I am so angry with myself for not making Gail go on desk duty earlier. She wouldn't have been in that accident. She could have…" she drew in a deep breath, "…it could have been much worse and if I had just trusted my instincts, she wouldn't be here."

"Holly, we both know that no one can make Gail do anything she doesn't want to do," Chris said soothingly.

Holly smiled at him sadly. "But that's just it. I can. She's different with me. If I had insisted, she would have gone on desk. God, she even offered to do it, weeks ago! But I didn't want her to be unhappy."

"But it was her decision, Holly," Chris asserted.

"Yeah, but it's not her fault. She's been doing this job for years and rarely does anything happen. She doesn't have the same level of fear about it that I do. She wouldn't be able to go out there everyday if she did. She trusts her training and she has seen that more often than not, she comes home perfectly safe. She really believed that the baby wasn't in any danger. And most days, she wasn't. But I never felt right about it. I should have listened to what my gut was telling me. She needed me to make the hard choice for her," Holly lamented.

"Holly, I know I don't know Gail as well as you do, but I'm pretty sure if she heard you saying all this, she would flip a lid. And what I do know about Gail is that right now, she needs you. So let's go back in, ok?" He gently held her forearm.

Holly looked into Chris's earnest eyes for a moment and when she found no judgment, she nodded and allowed herself to be pulled toward the door.

Traci had finally talked Gail into taking a nap when Holly tentatively walked in the room, Chris following closely behind.

Traci smiled at the pensive-looking doctor. "Hey, stranger."

Gail's eyes shot open and she hastily sat up in bed. "Woah," she moaned as she grabbed the bed rail with one hand and her head with the other, a wave of dizziness washing over her. "Son of a bitch."

Holly rushed around the bed and put one hand on the back of Gail's neck, the other gripping her am. "Honey, lie back down."

Gail followed her wife's instructions, keeping her eyes closed as she lay back down.

Traci stood from her chair and moved toward the door, tapping Chris on the shoulder to indicate that he should follow. "Come on, Chris. Let's go make some calls and pick up some things for Holly." Knowing that the women needed to talk, Chris didn't protest.

"Sweetheart, are you in pain?" Holly asked as she rubbed her wife's shoulder.

"My head still hurts, but mostly I was dizzy. Sitting up is a bitch," Gail groaned.

"Yeah, you will probably feel that way for a day or two because of the concussion. Have the nurses given you any Tylenol for your head?" She moved her hand up to affectionately stroke Gail's hair on the uninjured side of her bed.

"No, I told them I didn't need any."

"Honey, I know you don't like to take drugs, but it will help you sleep if you can lessen the pain a little. You need to rest," Holly said, concern in her voice.

"I'll take some in a little bit." Gail finally opened her eyes and looked at Holly. "But I need to tell you some things first. I have to tell you how sorry I am."

Holly shook her head, trying to interrupt, "Gail, you don't need…"

"Yes, Holly I do. Please let me. Please," she begged, clutching Holly's hand in her own.

Holly screwed up her face, but nodded as a sign for Gail to continue.

"Holly, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I got hurt again and that you were worried. I'm sorry that we are in the hospital again because of my stubbornness."

"Gail, it's not your fault…" Holly tried.

"Wait, I have to say this. I don't say things enough. I know I say I love you, but that's not enough." Gail paused and took a deep breath before continuing, her voice filled with emotion. "Holly, do you know that my heart beats for you? You are…when you smile at me, I believe that there must be something good in me. Because to be the person who gets to wake up next to you, who gets to hold your hand and share your joy and your pain? It's more than I deserve. It's everything. You're everything. The only reason I have anything to give this baby…" She covered her stomach. "…is because you love me. You make me better. And there's nothing I want as much as I want to be with you. I love being a cop. But I love you more."

Holly shook her head and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Honey…"

Gail squeezed Holly's hand. "No, wait. Let me finish." She searched her wife's teary eyes. "I love you more than I love my job. I would miss being a cop if I gave it up. But if I lost you, I would ache. So if you want me to work a desk for the rest of my life, I'll do that. If you want me to quit, I will do that. Because I need you, Holly. Please just…please don't leave."

Holly opened her eyes wide with surprise. "Honey, what are you talking about? I'm not leaving you."

"You're not?" Gail asked softly.

"Of course not, sweetheart. Why would you think that?" Holly was horrified.

"You said you couldn't do this and then you left," Gail whimpered.

"Oh god, honey. I didn't mean it like that. I just needed some air so I could get myself together. You may have noticed I was kind of losing it. But Gail, you know how much I love you. Of course, I'm not going to leave you."

"I just thought…I was just afraid you'd had enough of being a cop's wife, that maybe you were tired of me getting hurt and had reached your breaking point."

"Gail." Holly shook her head and closed her eyes with sadness. "I'm so sorry you were worried about that." She looked at her wife and moved her hand up to her cheek. "But you decided all of that because I needed a minute to collect my thoughts? You can't jump to such a drastic conclusion. All of those things you said about me? I feel the same. I need you too. And I want to be with you. That's not going to change, no matter how many times you get hurt. You're it for me. And you have to believe that, even if I need a few minutes to clear my head. You have to believe the best of me."

Gail looked away, feeling shy about how ridiculous she had been. "I'm sorry. I know that. You've never given me any reason to think you'd leave. That was really…god, that was dramatic. I don't know why I freaked out. Can we blame it on the concussion and hormones?" She chanced a sheepish glance back.

Holly leaned down and kissed Gail's forehead. "Yes, we can. If you can forgive me for saying such a terrible thing to you. Gail, I'm so sorry. I didn't even mean it."

"It's ok, Lunchbox."

"No, it's not. I know you are doing everything you can to keep the baby safe. I'm so sorry I said that. This accident wasn't your fault. If it's anyone's fault that you're in the hospital, it's mine."

Gail's eyes flew open wide. "What?"

Holly shuffled on her feet. "I should have made you go on desk duty earlier. I've been worried for a long time and even when you offered, I didn't listen to my instincts. You needed me to make the hard decision and I didn't."

Gail stared back at her wife for a moment, waiting to see if Holly was serious. When she saw that her wife wasn't joking, she answered firmly, "Holly, that's insane. Are you kidding me? This is not your fault. I should have been the one to make that decision. I knew that's what you wanted, but I was being selfish."

"But you aren't afraid of being on patrol. You can't be in order to do your job. You go out there day after day and very rarely does anything serious happen so it makes perfect sense that you would be confident that the baby would be ok. But I didn't feel right about it and I should have convinced you," Holly explained.

Shaking her head, "Okay, baby? That's just crazy. I mean sure, I feel less worried about patrol than you do. That's always going to be true. But you aren't responsible for my choices. I was very aware of how you felt and I made the choice to stay on patrol."

"But if I had insisted, you would have gone on desk," Holly noted.

"Well probably, but that's not how this works. If we got in an accident while I was driving, it would be ridiculous if you felt angry at yourself because you hadn't insisted on driving. You don't need to feel guilty because you didn't force me to go on desk. You wanted me to be happy and you trusted me to make the right decision. That wasn't wrong. The responsibility for still being on patrol is mine. I made that choice. If you should be angry with anyone, it should be me."

"I'm not angry with you," Holly said softly.

"I don't know why. I'm angry with myself," Gail muttered.

"Because I know you. I know you believed the baby was absolutely safe." And she did. For anyone on the outside of the situation, it may have seemed as if Gail was being selfish, that she was putting her own desire to not be stuck on the desk above her responsibility to protect the baby. But Holly knew that her wife took her duty to serve and protect very seriously, even if it meant she had to put a complete stranger's safety ahead of her own. That duty was so deeply ingrained in her mind. It was part of being a Peck.

"Ok, so if you aren't angry at me, when I was the one who was in control of the decision to be on patrol, then I'm not going to let you beat yourself up about this. You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you have been the most understanding wife of all time. I'm the one who needs to change here, not you. It makes sense that I'm not as scared to be out on the street, but I have been acting as if nothing is different. But everything has changed. I'm not just a cop anymore. I'm a mom and a co-parent with you. I have to think of the baby and I have to think of your feelings too. Even if I didn't think safety was an issue, I should have made the decision to go on desk because it would have been easier for you. You needed me to make the hard decision."

Holly smirked slightly. "You called yourself a mom."

"That whole speech and that was what you took away?"

Holly giggled. "I just love hearing you say it."

Gail blushed. "It still feels weird."

"It's amazing," Holly leaned down for a quick kiss. "Ok, so we can't change what happened so can we just agree to move forward? The baby is ok and you're mostly ok. I'm not going anywhere. Let's just concentrate on those things and getting you better."

Gail sighed. "You're right. It's not going to do us any good to dwell on what we could have done differently. I'm going on desk, the baby will be safe and you won't have to worry."

"Oh, I'll still worry. About things like paper cuts and tripping hazards and any number of ridiculous possibilities my imagination dreams up," Holly said seriously, but with a hint of self-deprecation.

"Yeah, but that's not new. You've always been a little irrational when it comes to my safety," Gail teased.

Holly gently pinched Gail's arm. "Oh shut up, you. Anyway, I think you secretly like it, me worrying about you."

Gail smiled mischievously. "I'll never tell."

"You're lucky I love you," Holly chided.

"So lucky, Lunchbox. You're my one in a million," Gail said solemnly.

"Honey," Holly whined. Sometimes, out of nowhere, Gail would say something so cheesy and sweet, it took Holly's breath away. She put her hands on Gail's cheeks and leaned down for a kiss. God, she loved this woman.

"Hey, oh! Sorry to interrupt!" Oliver announced as he entered the room.

"You have the worst timing, old man," Gail grumbled as Holly broke away from the kiss and stood up, reaching for Gail's hand again.

"How are you, darlin'? How's that Peckling doing?" Oliver asked softly.

"We're both fine, Ollie." She immediately changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on what could have happened. "If you're here to arrest my wife for assaulting an officer, as the only witness in the room, I'm on her side," Gail joked.

"Oh god, Oliver, I'm sorry…" Holly started, embarrassed about her earlier behavior. It hadn't even occurred to her that it technically could have been considered as assault, even if it was fairly tenuous.

But Oliver held up a hand. "No need to apologize, doc. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Is everyone who walks through that door going to have a guilt complex?" Gail quipped.

At Oliver's puzzled look, Holly shook her head. "Just ignore her."

"I'll cut to the chase then. Officer Moore is suspended until there's a full review of what happened today. I need to take your statement, but because you told dispatch that he was disregarding orders and he was the one who was driving when the crash took place, it should be pretty cut and dry."

"Is he going to get fired?" Gail asked, not giving away any indication of whether she considered that to be a good outcome or not.

"If I have anything to say about it, he will. Darlin', if I had known this would happen, there's no way I would have sent you out with him," Oliver agonized, regret evident in his voice.

"It's ok, Oliver. It's not our fault. I'm ok and the bean is ok. You might watch out for my wife though. She nearly took Gerald's head off," Gail giggled.

Holly shook her head and covered her eyes with her free hand. "Not my finest moment."

"Well, I doubt it was as bad as what Steve did to him," Oliver replied.

"Oh god. What did he do?" Gail asked.

"Let's just say that Officer Moore is going to be walking a little lopsided for a day or two."

"I can't say I feel sorry for him. Part of me wishes I had shoved that finger somewhere other than his chest," Holly growled, a little of her earlier anger coming back.

"Alright, let's get this statement out of the way before I have to have my wife sedated," Gail said, a hint of humor in her voice. She really didn't mind the protective side of Holly; it was the screaming that threw her off.

As Gail gave her statement, Holly tried not to cry at hearing the entire, sickening story again. When Gail got to the part that Holly hadn't heard yet, where Gail had a contraction but couldn't get Duncan to wake up, the brunette lowered the bed rail and sat next to the blonde, clutching a pale hand to her chest.

Gail stopped and looked up at her wife. "I'm ok, baby. The bean is ok."

Holly nodded wordlessly, tears slipping down her face. She couldn't help but consider that things could have ended very differently. Her wife could have died. She could have gone into premature labor and their baby wouldn't have been able to survive. The baby could have sustained a permanent injury affecting her fetal development. So many things could have happened that would have changed their lives forever. Holly could have once again found herself without a family. The thought made her squeeze Gail's hand even tighter.

"Ok, I think that's ok for now," Oliver said wearily, a pained look on his face. "You're off next week. Those are doctor's and my orders."

"Even if that weren't the case, I'm pretty sure wife's orders would be in affect." Gail squeezed Holly's hand, trying to provide comfort.

"Damn straight," Holly said shakily.

"Get some rest, darlin'. I'll check in soon," Oliver left a kiss on Gail's cheek and then walked out of the room.

Gail turned back to Holly. "Are you ok?"

Holly lay down on her side, pushing herself up against Gail. "Not really," she blubbered, more tears slipping down her face. "You could have been really hurt. Or worse. I could have been alone again."

"You're not alone. I'm here and I'm ok. And even if something had happened, you wouldn't be alone. Traci and Steve – they're your family too," Gail soothed.

"Let's not talk about it. I can't talk about that." Holly placed her hand on Gail's chest, allowing her wife's heartbeat to settle her.

"Ok, we won't talk about it. I'm here," Gail put her own hand over her wife's.

After a moment of silence, Holly said, "You must have been so afraid when you had those contractions."

"I was," Gail acknowledged as she wrapped her arm around Holly's shoulders. "I'm sorry." And she was. More than anything, she regretted the fear that Holly must have felt when Chris went to pick her up. She hated that she could have prevented that. And she hated that her actions had led to the baby being at risk. The car accident wasn't her fault. She and Duncan should have been perfectly safe all day. But if she had gone on desk, it wouldn't have happened. She was partly to blame.

"You're ok," Holly sniveled, pushing her nose into her wife's shoulder.

Gail smiled and picked up her wife's hand and placed it on her belly just as a tiny kick tapped on Gail's skin. "We're ok."

Crying a little harder now, this time out of relief and joy, Holly smiled, "We're ok."