A/N: Thanks again to everyone that has reviewed. Sorry for the gap in unpdates, I hope this long one makes up for it. I'm a bit nervous about this chapter but would love to know what you think.
The Doctor watched as Missy continued to sleep fitfully for about an hour. "No, no. I don't want to be here. Why am I back here?" Missy started to mumble, hitting out in her sleep and growing more distressed. "Shh, shh. You're dreaming, Missy it's not real" the Doctor tried to reassure as he watched her wake up with a jolt and jump out of the bed and away from him. The sudden movement appeared to hurt her back and the Doctor watched with concern as she winced in pain. It's not been an easy pregnancy for you this one, has it? I would apologise but it has been fantastic entertainment for us here on Gallifrey. Now what seems to be the problem this time? Is it still the back ache. Missy scrunched her eyes shut as she tried to banish Rassilon's mocking voice, it was completely dark in the room and she desperately wanted the Doctor but couldn't find her way out of her mind. "No, please. I was tired, I just wanted to sleep. Why are you always here? I want the Doctor. I'm scared" she sobbed, sinking to the ground. The Doctor watched helplessly as Missy became more hysterical, realising that Rassilon had chosen to plague her in the middle of the night. "Kos, it's me. You were dreaming, whatever happened wasn't real" he tried, approaching her carefully watching her cradle her head in her hands as she curled in on herself. Ah, here he comes. Your Doctor here to save the day again Rassilon taunted as Missy opened her eyes and tried to focus on the Doctor. "He's here again. Always here" Missy mumbled, blinking and feeling her head start to ache again. Everything ached. She was so tired. "I know, it's horrible but can you try and listen to my voice like you did earlier. I know it's difficult but you're already doing really well by telling me what's happening" the Doctor guided gently as he knelt in front of her. "My head hurts" she cried reaching out for the Doctor, suddenly feeling the need to be grounded in physical reality. "Okay, let's go and lay back down on the bed together. How does that sound?" The Doctor pressed, helping her up and guiding her to the bed. "Yes. Can you make it go away please. I don't like it" Missy cried as they reached the bed. "I know you don't sweetheart, come on now, lay down with me. I'm going to try and make it go away" the Doctor tried again helping Missy lay down on the bed, relieved when she settled looking up at him with wide eyes. "Would you like me to get you some water?" The Doctor asked, stroking her forehead and watching as Missy shook her head. "No, don't go anywhere please. Can you lay down with me again?" Missy whispered, breaking off with a groan as her head began aching again. The Doctor watched sympathetically as the Time Lady pressed her face into the pillow stifling a sob in an attempt to control the pain. "Oh sweetheart, of course I can" the Doctor said, walking around to the other side of the bed and laying down next to Missy. As he placed his hand on her back, he felt Missy jolt against his touch. "It's okay, it's okay just me" he soothed as he felt her settle again, turning to face him and mumbling softly to herself. "Are you still in pain?" He asked softly, massaging fingers into her scalp and feeling her nod under his touch. "My head is thumping and the room is spinning" she muttered closing her eyes and leaning against the Doctor's chest. "Okay, why don't you close your eyes and try and go back to sleep?" The Doctor suggested feeling her drift on the edge of sleep, dozing slightly and then jolting herself awake. "Mhm I want to sleep. I was sleeping and he woke me up" Missy explained, unaware she'd dozed off and reaching out for the Doctor who obligingly took her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles. "I know you were. Try to go back to sleep sweetheart, I think your headache will get better if you sleep" the Doctor soothed, tracing circles in her back as he felt her dozing again. After a few more seconds, the Doctor heard Missy groan and start talking again, her voice heavy with sleep. "The baby's moving again" Missy muttered shuffling slightly in discomfort before falling back into a light sleep. The Doctor continued to rub her back, hoping he could help with her discomfort. "Okay, just try and sleep" he cooed hearing her start to snore softly. Missy stayed asleep for another few minutes waking up again and picking up the conversation where she left off, seemingly unaware that she had fallen asleep again. "It feels all fluttery in my stomach" she breathed out, hazily looking up at the Doctor, "can you make it stop please?" Missy pleaded, turning onto her back in an attempt to find a more comfortable position. The Doctor let out a sigh as he rolled over to face her, "I don't think there is anything I can do, I'm sorry" he said reluctantly, hoping she'd be able to find a more settled position and get some proper sleep. Missy let her head roll to the side, "I know. It's not your fault, I'm just uncomfortable" she sighed, closing her eyes and trying to return to sleep. "Where can you feel the baby moving?" The Doctor asked tentatively, hovering his hand over the small bump. "Here" Missy whispered guiding the Doctor's hand to her lower abdomen. In turn, the Doctor gently ran his hand across the growing bump. "I can't feel anything yet" he whispered, "I guess it's still too early for anyone other than you to feel the movements." The Doctor concluded, sounding slightly disappointed. "Lucky me" Missy retorted bitterly, kicking against the sheets in frustration and discomfort letting out a sob. "Hush now, you're okay" the Doctor tried to soothe as he continued running his hand across her stomach, hoping he was doing something right. "Is this helping at all?" He asked, noting that she'd settled slightly. "A bit. Thank you, I just want to sleep though" Missy sighed. "I know you do, love, close your eyes and try to sleep" he guided gently watching her close her eyes. "I'm going to try now" she muttered, voice heavy with sleep before a small snore escaped her lips. The Doctor watched on, taking in her tired features and hoping that she would have now settled for the night. There was no such luck and Missy woke up several times over the course of the night. Most times, there was just mumbled crying as she forgot and re-remembered what was happening. On some occasions, she was much more coherent and apologised to the Doctor as she promised to be better tomorrow. Eventually, in the early hours of the morning, Missy settled into a deep sleep and the Doctor found himself able to walk around the room and start reading an old novel.
The Doctor woke with a start as he heard the beeping of the car horn as the outskirts of London came to life with the morning rush hour. Glancing over at Missy, she was still sound asleep in bed curled up on her side and looking more relaxed than he'd seen her recently. He was glad she was still asleep, it was only eight am and she only really settled at about four. One symptom of her pregnancy was tiredness and she was going to need plenty of sleep to prevent the symptoms worsening. The Doctor was surprised, however, that he had fallen to sleep- he must have been more tired than he realised. Either that or the novel he was reading was more boring than he thought. Downstairs, he could hear Clara pottering around in the kitchen and decided to set up the monitor to keep an eye on Missy and head downstairs himself. As he left the room, he decided to leave the door ajar hoping that when Missy woke up she would realise they were downstairs and be comfortable enough to come and join them.
Clara was filling the kettle with water as the Doctor opened the door and took a seat at the table. "Morning" he commented as Clara set the kettle to boil, making her jump slightly as she hadn't realised the Time Lord had joined her in the kitchen. "Oh, Morning. Sorry, did I wake you up? I was trying to be quiet" She commented, watching the Doctor shake his head. "No, the traffic woke me up and then I heard you were up" the Doctor explained, looking out the back window at the small garden. There was a tiny patio with a set of table and chairs that would be ideal for eating outside if the weather was good, as today looked set to be. Missy liked gardens, he remembered, and maybe it could be a calm way of getting her to spend some time outside. "Ah well that's okay then" Clara said, drawing him from his thoughts, "do you fancy a cuppa?" She asked opening a cupboard and retrieving two cups when she saw the Doctor nod. "Here you are" Clara said passing him his cup across the table and watching him fiddle with the small device he'd brought down with him. "Thanks. Did you sleep okay?" The Doctor asked, smiling as he managed to get the monitor to work and could see Missy was still fast asleep. "Yes, I was gone as soon as my head hit the pillow" Clara laughed taking a sip of her tea. "How was Missy last night?" Clara asked furrowing her brow at the monitor. "It's to keep an eye on Missy, in case she wakes up while I'm down here" the Doctor explained as he saw Clara's confused expression. "And she wasn't good. Took a while to settle and woke up several times in the night. That bastard, Rassilon, decided to torment her just as she fell to sleep and then the baby was moving around and it made her uncomfortable. Settled eventually at about four this morning and was still sound asleep when I left her. I want to leave her to sleep as long as possible because I think she'll be better for it" the Doctor finished, watching Clara nod. "You sound like you've been up all night with a baby that wouldn't settle" she joked, pleased when the Doctor saw the funny side and chuckled. "Aye and it's been hundreds of years since I was up all night soothing a baby" the Doctor reminisced fondly as he thought back to his family on Gallifrey. After a moment of silence and noticing the far away glint in the Doctor's eye, Clara decided to change the subject. "So what's the plan for today? Kate's managed to get me some time off work and I'll be able to help out more" Clara explained, wondering if the Doctor had formulated a plan. "I don't know, Kate's calling at some point but other than that, I haven't got much planned. I think it's going to be a pretty boring day, if I'm honest, I'd like to keep things settled for Missy. You really didn't need to take time off, I don't expect you to be around all the time" the Doctor said, finishing his tea. Clara shrugged, "I know you didn't expect me to, but I wanted to. Anyway, the school hasn't been the same since Danny and it's nearly the holidays. I'd rather help out here." The Doctor nodded, undeniably grateful that Clara would be around, "well thank you. I really appreciate it."
The pair fell into a companionable silence, eating breakfast and watching the morning TV.
It had been about an hour and a half when both Clara and the Doctor heard the stairs creaking. "That's good" the Doctor commented, glancing at the monitor, "she's gotten herself out of bed and didn't seem to be overly distressed that I wasn't there. Will you open the door so she knows we're in here?" He asked, watching as the young woman pulled the door open and joined the Doctor at the table. "When she comes in, just act as normal as possible" the Doctor advised, hoping that Missy would make it all the way to the kitchen on her own. "That's easier for me than it is for you" Clara teased poking out her tongue. "Ha ha" the Doctor deadpanned before looking out into the hallway and spotting Missy making her way slowly to the kitchen. Eventually, the Time Lady made it to the kitchen and paused at the threshold, unsure whether she should go in or not. "Good morning, Missy" the Doctor said cheerfully, smiling at her as her blue eyes scanned the kitchen. Missy hesitantly returned his smile, before looking pensively at Clara as she stayed just outside the room. "Morning" Clara chirped, noticing the woman was more alert than she had been last night but still seemed on edge. It must have been hard for her having to be around relative strangers when she was like this. After all, it was usually only the Doctor that saw her when she was like this. "Would you like a cup of tea?" She asked, hoping the woman would soon enter the kitchen and feel more at ease with her being there. "Am I allowed a cup of tea?" She asked hesitantly her voice low and uncertain as she looked from the Doctor to Clara. "Of course you are. I'll get it for you now, do you want milk and sugar?" Clara asked Missy who lowered her head and looked to the Doctor as she stood anxiously in the door way. "She has milk and three sugars" the Doctor informed Clara who nodded and started making the tea. "Come and sit down, Missy, you don't need to hover at the door" the Doctor said gently, watching the Time Lady walk over to the seat next to him. "So, three sugars? Time Lords sure like their sugar if you two are anything to go by. I guess you lot don't have to worry about diabetes or tooth decay" Clara said as she passed the tea to Missy who accepted with a whispered thank you. "We're not the typical Time Lords anyway" the Doctor laughed, watching Missy tense out of the corner of his eye. "Stop talking about them" Missy hissed, eyes darting around the kitchen and falling on the fruit bowl in the middle of the table. "Okay, we won't talk about them" the Doctor consoled, realising that talking about them would be too much for her at the moment, even in jest. Clara guiltily mouthed sorry over at the Doctor who dismissed her, reassuring there was no need to apologise. The pair watched as Missy sipped her tea and rested a hand on her bump, almost lovingly tracing her thumb along it. "How long have you two been up?" Missy asked after a while, breaking the silence. Her mind had been alive with activity again since waking up but, unlike previously, Missy had enjoyed this activity. It wasn't Rassilon or memories that were plaguing her this morning. This time it had just been the baby reaching out for her in another attempt to bond and Missy had felt more receptive towards it as she actually enjoyed the intimacy of interacting with the baby. It was still too early for the baby to articulate any concrete thoughts, it was more just abstract emotions, letting Missy know that they were there, when they felt safe or when they recognised something or someone familiar outside of their little world.
When the Doctor started talking, the baby's mental presence became a flurry of activity again excited at recognising the voice of the only other kind Gallifreyan they'd encountered so far. They're the same. They're kind the baby projected to it's mother happily, making Missy smile warmly. "We got up about eight, so just coming up to two hours ago" the Doctor said watching Missy with curiosity as he saw her calmly smiling, nodding to acknowledge him before returning back to her own world. That's right little pea. He's just like us and we're the only two Time Lords you can ever trust. That's the Doctor, well I guess he'll be your uncle Theta Missy projected back to the infant, breath hitching as she remembered her loom-born daughter that had been the last person to call the Doctor uncle Theta. "When did you wake up sweetheart?" the Doctor pressed keen to know how much sleep she had had and noting the sudden change in her demeanor from calmness to anxiousness. "I woke up about nine, I think, but I fell back to sleep for ten minutes or so. Then I realised that you weren't there" Missy trailed off, feeling the baby's presence dim in the back of her mind as it fell to sleep. "You came down here really well, Missy" the Doctor praised, wanting to reassure her that she had done the right thing. "I was a bit worried that I'd disturb you two but I didn't want to stay upstairs alone" Missy said now able to fully focus on the Doctor and Clara.
"You weren't intruding. This is where you're living too, you need to feel comfortable" Clara said softly, watching Missy nod. "I guess. I wish we were on the Tardis though, I know it there. Even though it's not the best model, it's the closest thing to a home I have. Are you sure we can't go back there, Doctor? Me and you and...and Clara, you can come too but we can leave here" Missy enthused, eyes widening as she became carried away by the idea. Clara looked to the Doctor as his expression darkened and he tried to figure out a way of calming Missy down. "Missy" he warned looking at her carefully, "you know we can't go to the Tardis. We spoke about this yesterday, do you remember?" The Doctor said calmly to the Time Lady, who nodded as her eyes glazed over with fresh tears. Last night had been horrible, she remembered waking up every hour and feeling ill at ease in the new house. Of course, she still felt nervous in the Tardis but she settled a lot quicker there than in some strange environment. When she was on the Tardis, they would usually stay in the vortex and no one would be able to reach them. Here, every creak made her jump and realising that Gordon was being held not that far from the house made her nervousness even worse. "But it's strange, I've never lived in a house on earth. Not properly, anyway and not when I'm not well like this. It doesn't feel right. Their security isn't as good as ours, Doctor. Anyone could come in and I'm not in a position to fight them off and you'd be against it on a moral stand and Clara, well, Clara I'm not being funny but you'd be like a little Jack Russell yapping at their ankles" Missy pressed, growing more agitated as she thought of the faction leader being able to enter the house. Clara, trying to ignore being compared to a dog yet again and realising that Missy was wary of a particular someone, tried to reassure the Time Lady. "Who do you think will break into the house?" Clara asked, watching as the Doctor also realised the real cause of Missy's reluctance to stay in the house. "Anyone could. I've seen Crime Watch, humans break into houses more than I break out of prisons" Missy rambled in an attempt to sound convincing. "Gordon's not going to break in here, Missy" Clara said looking over to the Time Lady who tensed and lowered her head. "You don't know that. We know the Time Lords are working with that faction and they could let him out of the prison and he'd know we were living here because he could access the files and things" Missy said frantically, looking at the Doctor. "You know what they're capable of Theta. Rassilon, I think it was Rassilon but it might have been the other voices, they told me they would let him out and he'd go back to the faction and I'd have to go back there too."
The Doctor watched on as Missy finished her pleading; he knew full well what the Time Lords were capable of but he also knew when the Mistress was being paranoid. The sound of a plane flying over the house interrupted the conversation and the Doctor and Clara looked on as Missy covered her ears and scrunched her eyes shut. "It's so loud here. It's not loud on the Tardis and you said I needed to relax. How can I relax when it's so loud?" Missy muttered, uncovering her ears and blinking her eyes open as the noise faded into the distance. The Doctor knew that Missy found loud noises distressing when she felt like she was in a low mood and spiralling out of control, they always reminded her of the Time War. It was ironic because when she was well, or having a manic episode, she revelled in noise and was usually the one making it. "I know the noises can be unsettling but we've been sat here for a while and how many loud noises have you heard?" the Doctor said, trying to reason with Missy who began scratching her arms. "Come on, sweetheart, don't start that again. We're staying here and I promise you're going to be safe" the Doctor said firmly watching Missy calm slightly and open her mouth to respond.
A sudden ringing on the Doctor's mobile stopped Missy who jumped and became jittery at the new noise. The small phone moved along the wooden table with each ring until the Doctor picked it up and spotted the Head of Unit's name flash across the screen. "It's okay, just my phone. Kate said she'd ring to see how everything went last night" the Doctor reassured Missy who he could still see trembling and growing smaller as she sat next to him. "Would you be able to speak to her for me, Clara? Tell her I'll speak to her in about five minutes" he said as he handed the phone across to Clara who nodded, answering the mobile and leaving the room. Turning his attention back to Missy, he smiled asking "What were you going to say, love?" Missy looked over at the Doctor, considering telling him what she was thinking but deciding against it. She was already being too clingy and weak. At the back of her mind, she felt the baby start to stir. Shh, shh go back to sleep little pea she projected quickly, feeling the infant's presence drift as they shifted position and settled back to sleep. Shaking her head, Missy muttered "nothing" leading to the Doctor raising his eyebrows and shaking his own head. "No, don't do this, you know you feel worse when you keep things to yourself. Tell me what you were going to say" he tried again, watching Missy bow her head and let out a resigned sigh before raising her eyes to his level and chewing her lower lip. "Go on, love" he encouraged with a smile. "So much is changing. It's a lot to get used to and things are confusing. I know I'm being clingy and hard work but I can't help it I'm really scared and I honestly don't know what to do" she confessed, desperate to scratch at her arms but resisting and stretching her pyjama sleeves to cover her hands instead. "You have every right to feel like that" the Doctor soothed, offering his hands out to Missy when he saw her struggling to restrain from scratching at her arms, smiling when she placed her hands in his and giving them a quick squeeze for reassurance. "You're not doing this on your own though. Now you're not feeling as tired as yesterday, we can go over some things so you don't feel as confused and we can talk about what we're going to do. How does that sound?" The Doctor asked watching Missy consider his suggestion. "Yes, I'd like to go over things. I know yesterday happened but it was all a bit of a blur and I was so tired, I can't remember much about it. We can go over it together now I'm a bit more awake?" Missy questioned and the Doctor noted how unsure she sounded as she spoke slowly and quietly and he wondered when she would get back to being a bit more stable. Hopefully she would settle down during the pregnancy, it couldn't be good for either her or the baby if she carried on like this for the next few months. "That's right, we'll go over things a bit later on. I need to go and talk to Kate but Clara will come back in here with you. You haven't had anything to eat yet, would you like some breakfast?" The Doctor asked watching Missy's brows knit as she removed her hands from his and ran them over her face. "I forgot about food. I don't usually eat regular meals" she muttered, wringing her hands in her lap. "I know, you're as bad as me with your eating and sleeping habits but while this is going on you need to get into a routine. Clara can get you some toast or something this morning, what do you think?" the Doctor suggested gently with a smile watching Missy shake her head. "I feel a bit sick. I don't want to be sick" she explained, nibbling on her thumb. "Have you been sick this morning?" The Doctor asked, suddenly remembering the morning sickness and feeling guilty that he hadn't already checked. "No, but I feel sick" Missy repeated as her eyes followed a magpie that landed in the garden and hopped along the patio. The Doctor nodded "it's one of the symptoms, remember?" He asked, unsure what Missy remembered. "Yes, I know" Missy replied absently, still not looking away from the garden even as the magpie flew off. The Doctor found himself thinking he was right that she would enjoy spending some time in the garden, he might suggest they go out there this afternoon. Right now, though, he needed to know she was present in the room and was grasping what he was saying. It was always hard to distinguish between her moments of lucidity and confusion. "Sweetheart, can you look at me while we're talking please?" The Doctor said patiently, smiling when she turned to face him. "Yes...yes..." Missy breathed as she blinked a few times, struggling to stay focused on the Doctor. "Thank you. Well done" he praised, noting how hard she was working to ground herself and remain present. "We were talking about you trying to have some breakfast. I know you said you felt sick but you might feel better if you try just a little bit of food" the Doctor encouraged. "And, if you're sick, Missy, you're sick. I know it's horrible but the morning sickness should start to ease soon" he continued knowing that the reason the Time Lady was so worried about vomiting was more to do with her fear of losing control than actually being sick. "Okay, okay. I'll try some toast" Missy nodded adding distractedly, "I'm sorry I kicked off about the house, I know we can't stay on the Tardis." The Doctor laughed "an apology and agreeing to do what I say. Wow." The quip earned the Doctor a slight laugh from Missy who replied with a sly "don't get to used to it." It was a tiny glimpse of her normal persona and reassured the Doctor that things could get better. "I wouldn't dream of it" he chuckled, turning to leave the kitchen, "I'll be back soon. In the meantime, Clara can get you some breakfast" Missy nodded, "please be back soon." she whispered weakly, making the Doctor's heart sink as he headed out into the hallway, leaving the door ajar so they could still keep an eye on Missy.
As he approached Clara, he noticed that she had just hung up the phone. He must have been longer than he realised. "I'm sorry, I couldn't just leave her like that" he said quietly, looking back into the kitchen and watching Missy sitting perfectly still as she stared out the window. "It's fine. Kate understood, I said you'd call her back" Clara said, passing him the phone and following his gaze to Missy. "Is she more settled?" Clara questioned, nodding her head towards the Time Lady. The Doctor moved his head from side to side, "sort of. I'm going to call Kate back now. Will you be able to make Missy some toast? I'd like her to eat something, she might try and protest but she agreed to try a bit of food. If she gets too much, just make the toast and I'll deal with her when I get back" the Doctor said pulling up the call log on the phone and beginning to ring Kate. "Sure" Clara smiled heading into the kitchen and closing the door behind her. "Ah Doctor, I wasn't expecting you to call back so soon. I was only checking in on how it went last night and to update you on Missy's blood tests" Kate said breezily, not sounding as tired as she had done last night. At least someone had had a good night's sleep, the Doctor thought. Then he realised what Kate had said. Sitting on the stairs, he ran a hand over his face as he composed himself before asking the question that had been plaguing him since his meeting with Gordon. At this stage, he was ninety per cent certain that Gordon was the father of the child. It would make sense, combining the course of drugs that made Missy's body more compatible with a human pregnancy and ensuring that the child had human DNA meant that the pregnancy was more likely to be successful. "Is...Kate, is the baby half human?" He asked hoarsely, fearing the problems Missy would have bonding with a child that was half human in the crucial first month in which womb-born Gallifreyans needed a close attachment to their mothers to catch up with their loomed counterparts. "Yes" Kate said quickly, hearing the Doctor inhale sharply. "It looks like Gordon is the father. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. The good news is that this child will be more compatible with a human pregnancy. Missy will be unlikely to have to suffer another stillbirth" Kate said softly and the Doctor had to admit he was pleased Missy wouldn't have to go through that again. "She's terrified Gordon's going to come to the house, Kate, how's she going to bond with a baby that has his DNA?" the Doctor voiced aloud everything that he'd been fearing. "I don't know what to tell you, Doctor. All I can say is she trusts you and I know you're going to support her" Kate sighed, unsure what else to say. The Doctor just grunted. "Is there anything I can do to reassure Missy that Gordon won't be able to get to the house?" Kate asked wanting them all to feel comfortable in the house. On the other end of the line, she heard the Doctor sniff back a few tears. "No, she's calmed down a bit and I don't want to remind her" he said eventually, sighing when he heard mumblings of a conversation from the kitchen followed by Missy asking for the Doctor in that quiet voice that hurt him to hear. "Okay, look, I'll let you get settled and pop around tomorrow to go over things with you. In the meantime, you know you can contact me whenever" Kate said, sensing the Doctor's distraction. "Thanks Kate. I'll speak to you soon"
"If the Doctor is just in the hallway, why can't we have the door open so I can see him?" Missy asked accusingly pointing in the direction of the door. "I've told you Missy, he's on the phone and will be back in a minute. Now can you try and have a bit of that toast?" Clara repeated, as calmly as possible as she sat opposite the Time Lady and tried for about the fifth time to get her to eat, realising that she might have to admit defeat and wait for the Doctor to come back. "Aren't you going to eat anything?" Missy asked the woman, feeling under immense pressure at being the only one eating. "I ate earlier, but how about we make a compromise and share the toast? I'll have a slice and you have a slice" Clara suggested watching Missy consider her suggestion and reluctantly agree. "Okay" Missy said picking up one of the slices and pushing the plate towards Clara as she looked sideways at the door. "Thank you" Clara smiled at the Time Lady watching as she looked back to her and began nibbling at the crust.
Looking at Missy as she picked at the toast and ate slowly, Clara was reminded of the time a year nine student had confided in her about the abuse she'd suffered at the hands of her step father. The girl had looked so small and broken when they sat together waiting for the police and Clara tried to convince her to have a drink. Never in a million years did Clara think she'd compare the Mistress to a frightened, young girl. But yet, here they were. "None of the others have seen me like this" Missy said softly to Clara as though she had read the teacher's mind. Could she do that? Clara found herself wondering. "It's strange to be around others, not just the Doctor" she added, almost by way of an explanation. Clara nodded, unsure whether she was expected to respond or not. She decided to let the Time Lady carry on. "Sometimes I know I'm not well, sometimes I don't realise and it gets jumbled. I know I'm being weak but I don't really know what to do. Everything's feeling strange. Yesterday was a really bad day and today feels like a bad day. Not really bad, just bad. Tomorrow, I will try and make it an okay day. I just needed to explain to you so you know it's not an act or part of a plan or something. I'm trying to get better" Missy trailed off, placing her half eaten slice of toast back on the plate. Clara nodded, "I know this isn't an act Missy and you don't need to explain yourself. Do you mind me being here with you and the Doctor? I want you to feel comfortable in here too" the small brunette asked the Time Lady. "I want you to stay. This is worse than it's ever been for me in here" Missy said pointing to her head, then lowering her palm to her stomach "and with all this pregnancy stuff. I need you to be sure that the Doctor's remembers to look after himself too" Missy explained to Clara who suddenly understood what the Doctor had meant about how quickly Missy could switch from moments of confusion to moments of lucidity. "Okay. I just wanted to check" Clara nodded eyeing Missy as she paled and covered her mouth. Instinctively, Clara reached for the plastic tub in the sink "here, it's okay" she said passing the tub to Missy and cringing as she saw the Time Lady retch the contents of her stomach. "Okay, better out than in" Clara tried to soothe as she watched Missy push away the tub and rest her head on her arms, crying softly. Rubbing Missy's back, Clara continued in her attempts to soothe "you're okay, it's just a little bit of sick." "I don't like it. I want the Doctor now, please, he's been gone too long" Missy murmured to herself and Clara found herself agreeing with the Time Lady on that part. "It's horrible, I know, I'm going to see if I can get the Doctor" Clara said softly heading into the hallway and finding the Doctor sat on the stairs with his head in his hands.
"Hey, are you okay?" Clara said drawing the Time Lord from his thoughts. "Yes, yes, sorry. I just needed a minute. Kate had Missy's blood results. Looks like the child is half human, Gordon's probably the father" the Doctor muttered watching Clara's eyes widen. "How am I going to tell her?" The Doctor asked, not really expecting an answer. "I don't think you can right now, Doctor, she's too unstable for that. She's asking for you, she was a bit sick and it's shaken her" Clara explained, wary of leaving the Time Lady for too long on her own. The Doctor stood up, nodding and making his way to the kitchen. "Did she eat anything?" He asked watching Clara nod, "not much, though. A slice of toast and it didn't stay down long." Reaching the kitchen, the Doctor sighed as he saw Missy sobbing to herself as she rested her head on her arms. "Hey, hey what's all this about?" the Doctor said softly, pulling up a chair close to the Time Lady as Clara set about cleaning up the table. "Doctor?" Missy looked up and the Doctor noticed how pale she was. "Yes, it's me" he reassured, pushing a curl out of her eyes and feeling the beads of sweat that dotted across her forehead. "I was sick. I told you I felt sick" Missy said reaching out for him and trying to plant herself in his lap. The Doctor allowed her to settle herself in his lap, noting her extra weight and realising they wouldn't be able to sit like this in even a month's time. "You did tell me you felt sick. It's the morning sickness, sweetheart" the Doctor soothed running a hand down Missy's back and watching her nuzzle into his shoulder. "Yes, but it's horrible. I don't like it" Missy murmured against the Doctor's shoulder. "I know, it's not very nice. How about having a bit of water?" the Doctor encouraged, feeling Missy nod and watching Clara retrieve a small glass of water. "Here you go" the Doctor smiled holding the glass to Missy's lips as she took a few sips. Turning her face away when the glass was nearly empty, Missy settled back against the Doctor's chest. "There we go" the Doctor said stroking her hair, "better?" "Yes, better but I don't want anything else to eat yet" Missy said, still feeling nauseous in the pit of her stomach. "Okay" the Doctor agreed reluctantly, noting that he'd try again in an hour or so. "Can I go back to bed?" Missy asked suddenly, looking up pleadingly at the Doctor who sighed. He knew she wasn't tired and just wanted to lock herself away; he couldn't let her fall into the habit of just laying there. "No, love, you're not tired. It's not good for you to fall into that habit. You'll feel better if you do something" the Doctor said calmly, watching Missy scrunch her eyes shut. "Please, please. I don't want to be awake" the Time Lady continued, holding onto the Doctor's shirt. "Missy, no" he replied firmly, more firmly than he had intended, leaving her with no doubt that he wouldn't be letting her go back to bed. Clara watched the scene unfold and went to open the window to let some air in. The Doctor was tense and his patience was thinning, not necessarily with Missy but with the situation. "It's a really lovely day out, Missy. It would be a shame to waste it in bed" Clara said, sitting down at the table watching the Time Lady turn around to face her and then look out at the garden as the warm breeze warmed her face. "Would you like to go out there, Missy? You like gardens and you can take a book out there" the Doctor said, following her gaze and trying to make up for his slight outburst. "I do like gardens. Just that garden, not outside the house though?" Missy questioned. The Doctor nodded, one step at a time- get her outside first and then they'd take steps at actually leaving the property. "Yes just out there, sweetheart. Let's go and get dressed and then we can go out there, okay?" He said, encouraging her to stand up. "I'll see you both out there, I'm going to get dressed myself" Clara said, excusing herself and heading upstairs. "Do you have books, Thete?" Missy said as they made their own way up the stairs and to the bedroom. "What's that?" The Doctor asked, slightly confused. "I'd like to read, you said I could read outside but do you have any books?" Missy clarified as she sat down on the bed and the Doctor retrieved the purple maxi dress from the wardrobe holding it up to Missy who nodded. "Oh yes, I have bought some books off the Tardis. You can look in a minute. Can you start getting out of your pyjamas for me, love?" The Doctor asked, determined to try and get her a bit more independent and smiling as she started to undress. "Thank you. Your underwear is in the drawer to your right" he directed watching Missy open the oak bedside cabinet and retrieve a pair of knickers and bra, putting them on herself and reaching for the dress that he had placed on the bed. The Doctor turned his back, retrieving his own checkered trousers and black t shirt from the wardrobe and getting dressed himself. He was pleasantly surprised that Missy had sorted herself out and was now sat dressed and ready to go outside. He'd expected her to protest some more or attempt to get back into bed, however, she actually seemed quite enthused at the prospect of going outside. Delving into his jacket pocket, the Doctor grabbed the books he'd managed to bring off the Tardis. "Here are the books, love, I don't have that many. In fact, you'll probably get through most of these today" he said turning to see Missy staring ahead tracing her fingers across her stomach. "Hush now, little pea, you're safe. I'm not angry at you. No, no it's certainly not your fault little pea" she said in Gallifreyan in a soft, sing song voice. It took the Doctor a while to realise that Missy wasn't talking to him. It had been hundreds of years since she'd called anyone 'little pea', it was before either of them had left Gallifrey, just after her daughter had been loomed.
Pre-war Gallifrey some 1,000 years ago...
It had been a cold day when Theta, who was fast approaching his third century of life, found himself padding down a narrow, uneven pathway to the modest house of Koschei and her husband, Yimin. At the stage, the two Time Lords weren't the Doctor and the Master. They weren't the last of their kind or the last of their kind that they could trust. No, at this stage, they were full-time friends, part-time lovers and only seasonal adversaries. Armed with a small, pastel-coloured gift bag, he had agreed to visit in the early evening when Yimin would be starting his night shift. Theta's wife, Cilinzia had gone to visit their children in the Capitol where their eldest son was now working and their two daughters were still attending the Academy. Theta had been due to join his wife on the trip, that was until news came from Koschei three days ago that her daughter had been loomed healthily. The pride and excitement radiated from the psychic message that she had sent him as way of an invitation him to meet his new Goddaughter while Yimin was away. It was an offer Theta couldn't refuse, this new time tot was long-yearned for by Koschei and he couldn't wait to meet the new life that was beginning.
The problem was that neither Cilinzia or Yimin approved of their friendship. The disapproval wasn't unwarranted on either side. It was well known on Gallifrey that Theta and Koschei were inseparable lovers that shared a deep love greater than physical attraction. Surprisingly, though, this wasn't what bothered their spouses. In Yimin's case, it was pure envy that drove his disapproval. Theta had a way of settling Koschei when she was in the throes of a manic episode or a way of stirring her from her bouts of catatonic depression. Even in her youthful first centuries, Koschei's mind had plagued her and it had always been Theta that was there. Theta had a way with Koschei that Yimin could only dream of. The same had been true in reverse- when Theta was overcome by guilt and self-loathing, Koschei was the only one that could make him feel any better. In more recent centuries, the Mistress had found herself reflecting on the Doctor's chronic guilt wondering whether her friend had been born beating himself up over things completely out of his control. If they were born human, he would have made an excellent Catholic.
Unlike Yimin, jealousy wasn't what fueled Cilinzia's disapproval of Koschei. Theta's wife had never been able to handle his darker episodes and was actually happy to let Koschei talk him out of his cycle of guilt. No, Cilinzia had a much more valid reason than jealousy to dislike Theta's school friend. After all, her children's safety had been put in jeopardy by Koschei. In the Doctor and the Master's history, there have been many sad events. One event stands out more than most, taking place on a weekend about fifty years before the arrival of Koschei's daughter. This particular weekend Theta and Cilinzia entrusted their three children with Koschei while they went on a work trip with the science research centre they both worked for at the time. It was still a century and a half before the beginning of the Time War, but already, whisperings of an oncoming conflict were echoing off the walls of power. The research centre had issued compulsory training for all staff in preparation for the fast-approaching war. At the time, Theta and Cilinzia's children had been young and the couple didn't want to take them on the trip. It was too dangerous, not to mention boring for the young time children.
"I suppose my cousin out in the village could have them for a few days. We'd have to take them over there the day after tomorrow though and then head straight to the Capitol" Cilinzia had said in a hushed tone as she joined Theta in their living room. Closing his files on biological warfare, Theta looked up at his wife shaking his head. "We don't have a Tardis, it would take hours to get out to the village. Too much for the kids. I mean Unza might just about be able to handle it but not Daryn and Rilni. Anyway, we'd be exhausted by the time we made it to the training and by the looks of this" Theta, argued, waving the file in his hands "we need our wits' about us." Neither Theta or Cilinzia we pro-war, but they both knew they had no choice about aiding the war effort. In recent weeks, it had put a strain on their relationship while they both exhausted ways that they could object to the war while keeping their family safe. About a week ago they had accepted the inevitable. "Well what do you suggest, Thete? We can't leave them on their own and we can't take them with us. None of your family will have them" Cilinzia had spat harshly in a tone so unlike her normal, gentle one. Every tired line showed up on her face reflecting the sleepless nights of recent weeks. It was an expression mirrored on Theta's face as he sighed and looked back at his wife, turning their options over in his mind. "How about Koschei? She loves spending time with them and they love their aunt- they get spoiled rotten by her" Theta suggested quickly, watching his wife shake her head. "You know I like Koschei and I know she loves our children but I don't know how I feel about her looking after them on her own. She was only let out of prison a year ago, what kind of a mother would I be if I left my children in her charge? She killed people, Thete. People already look down on us for having anything to do with her" Cilinzia said softly, eyes full of worry. "I know, I know but she wasn't herself then. It's no excuse, but we've seen her weekly since she came out of prison and she's a lot more in control. This will be good for her, it'll give her some direction after being let go from the military. She can come and stay here, so the kids won't have to be unsettled. It'll be good practice for her too, you know she wants to have children of her own" Theta continued in an attempt to convince his wife. "And you know that the Council won't give her access to a loom for at least thirty years, not with her convictions and mental health issues. Even then, it will depend on her being in a steady marriage" Cilinzia sighed, weighing up the pros and cons of leaving her children with Koschei. "Is she taking all of her meds?" She asked eventually watching Theta nod enthusiastically, realising that his wife was warming to the idea. "Okay, invite her over tomorrow and she can stay with us for a few days before we leave. I'm not saying yes, I'm saying maybe. If she shows any sign of being unstable over the next few days then we'll take the kids to my cousin's." Theta's eyes lit up, "of course, you'll see, she's doing really well at the moment and this will mean so much to her. Thank you!" He had exclaimed, planting a kiss on his wife's cheek.
Over the two days that Koschei stayed, both Theta and Cilinzia had been impressed. As predicted, she doted on the three children and they loved spending time with their fun auntie who had all the energy that their parents didn't to run around with them and did the best voices for their bedtime stories. Cilinzia had watched attentively as Koschei took her medication with every meal and showed no outward sign of being unwell. Eventually, she agreed that leaving the children with Koschei was the best solution for everyone.
When they were departing for the training weekend, Koschei had waved the pair off from the doorstep, pulling a shawl tightly around her shoulders to protect from the morning chill. Cilinzia had decided it was best to leave early, before the children were up. Daryn was going through a clingy phase and the three year old would be impossible to settle if she saw her parents leaving. Cilinzia was walking ahead of Theta, waiting at the top of the drive for their transportation to arrive as he said goodbye to Koschei. "It took a lot to convince her to leave the children with you, Kos" he had said, drawing his friend into a firm hug. "Please don't prove me wrong. Take all your medication and if anything starts to get bad- anything at all- you call us. My children's lives are precious" he said, double checking Koschei carefully for signs of anything amiss. There was nothing obviously wrong, he'd watched her take her morning medication and she looked well- he'd even go as far as to say she looked happy. It was one of the first times he'd seen her genuinely smile since she had returned from prison. "Yes, I know, they're precious to me too. I promise, if I start to go loopy, I'll call you back. But, honestly, it'll all be fine. As soon as you're gone, I'm going to crawl back into bed with Rilni. I love watching her sleep, she's so peaceful. When they're all awake, I'll take them to the park. I take it they all still like rolling down the sand dunes?" She enquired, watching Cilinzia try and hurry her husband up as the car arrived. "Yes, they do. But make sure they take their shoes off before they traipse all the dust into the house. Also, Rilni will probably need your help climbing the dunes- she seems to forget she's only a year and a half when she races after the other two" Theta laughed, causing Koschei to break into a bigger smile. "Oh she is a plucky one, isn't she?" She chuckled, before turning serious. "Now you promise me something, be careful at this training. Things are getting bad in the Capitol, Thete, something big is coming" Koschei said ominously. Theta agreed, bidding farewell to his friend and feeling that his children were in safe hands and were going to have the time of their lives.
In hindsight, Theta and Cilinzia should have realised that seeing Koschei for a couple of days each week was different to the reality of her life on a day to day basis. It hadn't been long since she'd suffered her first major breakdown and there were many things that could trigger a relapse. Hindsight is a powerful thing though and at the time they had both felt that their children were safe in Koschei's care. The training had gone well, or as well as could be expected when they were preparing for a catastrophic war, and the couple were looking forward to seeing their children. It had been the longest time they had been away from them. As they reached the street they lived on Cilinzia turned to face Theta pensively. "Something's wrong, can't you feel it?" She had asked him. Admittedly, Theta could feel a nagging presence at the back of his mind belonging to Unza but he was refusing to let himself worry. "I'm sure he's just had too many sweets. You know what Kos is like, doesn't know how to say no to them. He's just hyperactive and probably doesn't even realise he's projecting" Theta tried to reassure his wife and himself. "No, this is different. If anything has happened to them, Thete..." "It won't have done, you saw them all together before we left, they were having a great time. Everything will be fine love" he continued to reassure opening the door and taking in the sight of the living room. It looked like a bomb had gone off. "Hello, we're home" Cilinzia shouted into the house when there was no sight of anyone. "We're in here, Mama" Unza shouted back to his mother from the kitchen as he placed dinner in front of his sisters' at the table. "See, everything's fi-" Theta started following his wife into the kitchen and halting when he saw his young son cooking by the hot stove. "Unza!" Cilinzia exclaimed rushing towards her son, "You know you shouldn't use the stove on your own" she continued, reaching her son and turning him around to face her, she gasped at the sight of his swollen and bruised face. "What happened to you, sweetheart? What's wrong with your face?" She asked urgently, already suspecting the answer. Theta was stood behind his daughters, mouth agape as he took in the scene. He felt sick looking at his son's bloodied face. How could he have let this happen? Please, Koschei, don't say this was your doing he thought to himself as he watched his young son lower his head and scuff his feet against the table leg. "It was an accident, she didn't mean to do it, Mama, she just got confused and scared. It was my fault really" Unza replied, quickly glancing to his father. Cilinzia scooped the boy into her arms, "oh, my baby, no it isn't your fault. You're already too much like your father, feeling guilty and making excuses for her" she cooed, scattering kisses across the boy's face before turning her attention to Theta who was still stood in shock at the door. "Find your friend, Theta, and get her out of our house before I do something I regret" she hissed through gritted teeth as she cradled the six year old. Theta was drawn out of his stupor, nodding a few times. "Yes, okay, yes. Unza, where is your auntie Kos?" He asked, approaching the small boy who was snuggling into his mother as she set about using her regeneration energy to heal his face. The boy shook his head, "I don't know. I haven't seen her since last night. We were all telling stories in the fort in my bedroom before bedtime. I wanted to tell some scary stories that my friends told me. Auntie Kos said that we could but that it was too scary for Daryn and Rilni so she went to put them to bed and came back into my room with hot chocolate and we changed to scary stories. It was all fine until I told her one the bigger boys told me about student initiation at the Academy."
Theta drew in a deep breath as Cilinzia looked cautiously over her shoulder at him. "What happened in this story that the bigger boys told you?" Theta pressed urgently, already knowing the answer. Rumours about first year students being forced to stare into the Untempered Schism had been used to terrify children for centuries. Children would be much more scared if they knew the rumours were founded in truth. "I told you it was my fault. My story was too scary, I scared auntie Kos" Unza cried turning into his mum's shoulder. "No, it's not your fault sweetheart. We just want to know what happened so we can find auntie Kos because she probably is a little bit scared and she'll be all on her own. It's not nice to be on your own when you're scared, is it? So if you finish telling Papa what happened last night, he can find her and make sure she's not scared anymore" Cilinzia told her son as she rubbed his back and mentally reached out to her husband. Check the tin where she keeps her pills. It's on the top of the cabinet. Unza continued telling his parents what had happened, "well it was the story about how professors make first year students look into the Untempered Schism. Sometimes, the students see something really awful and it can drive them insane. When I told auntie Kos that, she went really quiet and really pale. She started tapping her hand in this weird pattern. I asked her what was wrong and that was when she did this" Unza said quietly, pointing at his face. He felt guilty, like he was betraying his favourite auntie.
As Theta listened to his son's account, he crossed the kitchen and collected the tin, growing increasingly concerned when he found that the medication from this morning and the previous night was still there. "She kept shouting at me, saying I was one of them and that she'd figured out my plan. Then she just stopped, began crying and apologised saying that we all needed to stay away from her. She told me that I needed to be a big boy and look after my sisters and make sure that we all stay away from her so she couldn't hurt us. Then she went into the garden, down at the bottom near the stream. She likes gardens, remember Papa" Unza finished his story looking at his father for reassurance. "Right kids, Mama has missed you all so much and I would love to play some games with you upstairs. Shall we go and see what we can play while Papa looks for auntie Kos?" Cilinzia suggested lifting her son off of her lap and letting her daughters down from the table as the three of them chorused "yes." "Okay, then, Unza take your sisters upstairs and choose a game. I'll be up in five minutes.
Once the children had left the kitchen, Cilinzia turned to Theta who was shaking his head as he put the tin back on the counter. "She hasn't taken the medication since yesterday" he told his wife as she approached him. "Go and find her, make sure she's okay" Cilinzia told him, moving the tin back to the top of the cupboard so that it was out of reach of the children. She could see her husband was itching to get looking for his friend. "Okay, thank you. Make sure that Unza is okay, tell him I'm very proud of him for being such a big boy and looking after his sisters. Cilinzia, she never would have intentionally hurt-" Theta started, watching his wife raise her hand to stop him in his tracks. "I know that. She isn't well but I need to put the children's safety first. I can't have her in this house again, Theta. If anything happened to my children, I'd never forgive myself" Cilinzia broke off, breath hitching before she composed herself and continued. "No, you need to find her and take her to a hospital. I'm not going to stop you seeing her but she can't see the children again" Cilinzia finished watching her husband nod. "I'm not going to put her in a hospital, she's just been spooked. Once she gets back on the meds, she'll be fine. I'll take her home and can check on her each day" Theta responded almost pleadingly. "She's not well and you're not a doctor! All Unza did was mention the initiation and that was enough to trigger this...What will it be next time? She needs help for her own good as well as the safety of others. If you don't take her to a hospital, I will call the guards and tell them that she is breaking the conditions of her parole and that she attacked our son. It is the choice between hospital or prison. I know which one will be better for Koschei" Cilinzia replied, her tone firm leaving no room for Theta to argue further. "Fine. Fine" Theta surrendered, "but I'm going with her, stay until she gets settled. I'm not just going to abandon her there" he argued heading towards the back door. "No, I know and I don't expect you to. Of course you should stay with her and make sure she's okay, but we need to protect our children. They're my priority. I'm going up to settle them, I don't expect you to be back tonight but just let me know when you've found her. Take her straight to the hospital, please don't bring her back into the house" Cilinzia sighed watching her husband nod and head out the back door.
Theta and Cilinzia's garden was spacious with a vast red lawn leading down to a stream. The garden was beautiful and ideal for their three growing children who loved passing summer afternoons playing outside. Today, however, was midwinter and made the garden treacherous as dusk approached. As Theta marched down to the stream, the grass underfoot squelched with the remaining moisture from the day's rain. There had been a lot of rain that winter, more than usual. If Unza was correct about Koschei heading out into the garden last night, she would have been out in the cold rain all night. A clap of thunder reminded Theta that the rain wouldn't hold off long and he needed to find Koschei as soon as possible. In the distance, he could just make out her silhouette sat against the tree and gently tapping her thigh in a rhythm of four. As he got closer to his friend, he noticed the scattering of bloodied and broken birds' bodies. He'd have to get rid of them before the kids saw them. "Koschei" Theta said gently watching his friend jump up and back herself up against the tree. Her eyes were wide with mania and there was a smearing of animal blood across her cheek and dripping from her fingers. "It's me, Kos. We're back from the trip. I was really worried about you, it's far too cold to be out here" Theta continued, edging his way towards her stopping when she pushed her head against the tree and scrunched her eyes shut. "Theta. Theta" she murmured, turning back to him and opening her eyes. Drops of rain started to fall from the dark clouds and the wind howled. "Yes, that's right. Are you not feeling well sweetheart?" Theta continued, knowing the answer but wanting Koschei to feel in control. "I did something wrong. I...I can't remember" she continued growing more agitated, Theta hovered just to her side shaking his head. "You haven't done anything wrong, everything is fine. Can you come with me please sweetheart? It's going to be dark soon" he reassured stretching his hand out towards her. "No, I did something. Unza...I hurt him. I didn't mean to but...No! Wait, I remember now" Koschei shouted marching past Theta and heading back towards the house. "He's not Unza...he's one of them...Thete, they've...they've done something to him...they've possessed him. He knew about the initiation. How else would he know about that?" Koschei said erratically, storming towards the house. Theta ran after her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around to face him; he knew he couldn't let her get into the house. Placing his hands firmly on her shoulders, he held her in place ensuring she couldn't move. "Look at me Koschei" he coaxed watching her meet his eyes "Unza is fine, he's with his mum and sisters. There's nothing wrong with him. He heard the story about the initiation from some kids he plays with. It was just kids being kids, why would the High Council go after a six year old?" Theta continued trying to reason with his friend who he could see was relenting. Koschei opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. Instead, she let out a small whimper and knitted her brows together. Theta pressed his forehead to Koschei's trying to soothe her. "The drums are so loud tonight" Koschei muttered eventually feeling the adrenaline leaving her body as she crashed back to reality. "I know. They're hurting you aren't they?" Theta asked, feeling Koschei nod against him. "You haven't taken your medication since yesterday, love. You know that's not good" Theta said holding her close and walking them up to the house. "I forgot, I got distracted" she replied letting the drops of rain roll down her face. "Okay, there was a lot going on in your mind. Kos, we're going to go somewhere together where you can get better. They can make you better" Theta said, hoping she would accept what he was saying. "Will they make the drums go away?" Koschei asked quietly, gripping tightly to Theta. "Yes. They'll make the drums go away" he reassured, not sure if it was possible but just wanting to get Koschei to hospital as calmly as possible.
Theta managed to get Koschei into a small facility in a village not far from his house. She had arrived quite willingly but the first night she was anything but compliant. Eventually, the staff sedated her and strapped her to the bed reassuring Theta it was for the her own safety. While the nurses were settling her, Theta had informed his wife of the situation and she had told him it was fine to stay with Koschei as long as he was needed. And that was what he did, staying with Koschei for two weeks in total. The first five days, she was heavily sedated and spent most of the time sleeping.
When she did wake up, the pair would have repetitive conversations. "Where am I?" She would ask. "You're in hospital, Kos. They're going to make you better." He would reply. "I'm a bad person." She would say. "You've done bad things, that doesn't make you a bad person" He would reply. "Cilinzia hates me. I hurt Unza." She would say. "She doesn't hate you. He's fine." He would reply. "Can I see Rilni? I want a cuddle with Rilni." She would say. "No, not right now. Have a rest sweetheart." He would reply. "What about Daryn? She's not as little, can I have a cuddle with Daryn?" She would say. "The children can't come here, Kos. You can have a cuddle with me." He would reply.
Eventually, doctors decided to lower her sedation and the next two days were spent balancing out the medication. Theta sat with her as she went through the motions with the new medication- migraines, tremors, sickness and hallucinations to name a few. Then, during the final week he spent with her at the facility, he followed the staff's guidance to settle her into a new routine. At the end of that week, Theta returned to his family promising to visit Koschei weekly. And he did. Every week for a year, Theta would return to the facility. During these visits, they never spoke of Cilinzia and the children. In her lucid moments, Koschei knew she wouldn't be allowed to see the children again and Theta thought it was kinder not to bring them up. Some of the days he visited were good. Really good. The pair would laugh, play cards and walk around the grounds. Other days weren't so good. Theta would sit with her when she couldn't get out of bed, telling stories or sometimes just singing softly. Those days, Koschei rarely responded and the nurses told him she wasn't aware of his presence and he could probably leave.
Still, he stayed. On one of the particularly bad days, he was reassured that he had made the right decision in staying. He had been talking utter nonsense for three hours, prattling on about anything from the weather to the different planets he was reading about while skirting around the topics of his children and rising political tensions in the Capitol. Still, he received no acknowledgement from Koschei who had pulled her duvet up to her chin and stared straight ahead as she laid on her side. "Oh, I don't know Kos" he had sighed, reaching out to the Time Lady and pushing her hair back. "Days like this I wonder if they're right. Do you even know I'm here? Maybe, I'm being selfish and doing this to make myself feel better. Perhaps it'd do you more good if I didn't come" Theta said thoughtfully, surprised when Koschei's cold fingers coiled around his wrist. "Stay" she had croaked, "please just stay." They were the only four words that she said during that visit but they had been enough to convince Theta that he was doing the right thing.
Over time, the good days started to outnumber the bad days and Koschei slowly started to return to some kind of stability as she grew used to a settled, albeit isolated, life. Outside, however, life on Gallifrey was anything but settled. Political turmoil was at fever pitch and war looked inevitable. Theta did his best to shield Koschei from what was going on outside of the hospital, but as she started to get better, it became harder to hide things from her and pretend that all was well. Koschei had always been fiercely intelligent and could tell when something was amiss. It wasn't long before the instability started to impact on Koschei's life in the facility. As her third year in the hospital approached, the High Council took over the running of all psychiatric hospitals on Gallifrey, introducing changes immediately. First, they barred all visitors saying that it was best for the recovery of the patients. Then, they divided the patients into groups that could be used in the upcoming war and those that couldn't. Those that couldn't were killed. The hospital became less like a hospital and more like a training camp and it was during these years that Koschei's phobia of hospitals began.
Koschei spent thirty years there in total, only being released when the build up to war slowed and preparations were suspended. She spent the next five years refusing to see Theta, believing that he had chosen to abandon her. Theta still heard about what his friend was turning into, though. He heard about her role in weapon-making, the crimes she was committing and how power hungry she was becoming. It was Koschei's infamous reputation that led to Cilinzia forbidding her husband from seeing his old friend. That was why Theta had to keep his first visit to meet Koschei's daughter a secret from his wife. Theta knew that Koschei had been desperate for a child and he secretly hoped that the arrival of her daughter would have a positive influence and help her to return to the right path.
Reaching the front door, Theta tried to push memories of the last fifty years out of his mind. Today was a happy day, not a day to dwell on the bad memories. Pressing the doorbell, Theta felt guilty when he heard the cry of a newly loomed time tot. They required lots of sleep in the first few weeks and they were hard to settle. "Shh, shh little pea. Go back to sleep" he heard Koschei soothe as she made her way to the front door. Soon the front door was opened, revealing the Time Lady cradling the swaddled infant. "You came!" She exclaimed, breaking into a bigger smile as the baby's face contorted and she nuzzled against her mother's chest. "Of course I came, I had to see this little beauty" Theta replied, peering down at the bundle in his friend's arms. "Oh she's perfect, Kos" he praised. Koschei looked fit to burst with pride. "I know" she gushed, running her little finger along her daughter's soft skin. "Come inside, it's too cold for my little pea with the door open" she directed, not taking her eyes off of her daughter and heading back into the heated conservatory. Theta followed behind, enjoying seeing his friend look the most content he'd seen her in years. "Have you and Yimin named her yet? I take it little pea isn't official" Theta asked as he sat opposite the mother and child. Koschei drew her eyes away from the sleeping infant and smiled at him. "We named her Maisa. My perfect Maisa" Koschei said removing one of the blankets from Maisa as she began to acclimatise to the warm room. "That's lovely. Little Maisa with her whole future ahead of her" Theta cooed shrugging off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves. The conservatory was far too heated by the over-protective new mother. Theta smiled, remembering that both he and Cilinzia had been the same during Unza's first weeks. Koschei hummed in agreement at his comment, gently rocking Maisa from side to side. "How long's Yimin away at work for?" Theta asked after a few seconds. "Um, two nights. He couldn't get anymore time off work. You know what it's like there at the moment, they're busy busy busy" Koschei replied. "So tonight's your first night alone with her? Tiring work that is" Theta said, trying to keep a nonchalant tone as he fretted over his friend's wellbeing. "I know, dear, but it's worth it. You don't need to worry about me, I've never been this happy. I just want to stare at her forever" Koschei gushed and Theta couldn't deny how content she looked. "I can see why, you can lose hours staring at them when they're this age" he commented, deciding not to lower the mood by worrying when there was no need. "I bought you a present. Well, a present for you and a present for her actually" Theta said retrieving the gift box and handing it to Koschei who opened up the gift pulling out a small, musical snow globe and cameo brooch. "The brooch is for you" he said, taking the snow globe from her, "and this is for Maisa. It has a model of our galaxy in it and changes based on the seasons. If you wind it up and place it next to her cot, it'll project the stars and planets onto the ceiling and play old lullabies" he explained, demonstrating the toy to Koschei. "It's beautiful, Thete, thank you and for the brooch is too. You didn't need to do that" she replied watching the stars flicker around the room. "You're welcome, I'm glad you like them" he smiled , placing the snow globe on the table next to him. Suddenly, Koschei gasped looking at her friend. "I'm so sorry, I haven't offered you a drink. How rude of me. Would you like some tea?" She asked quickly, standing up and holding her daughter close to her chest. "Don't worry about that, you have a three day old baby. It's not surprising your mind is on other things" Theta laughed. "It's no excuse to be forgetful. You know, I've read about species that give birth to their young. Now if that was the case with Maisa, I might have a bit more of an excuse. Fortunately, I just have to deal with the crying and restlessness now she's here, not the actual childbirth. Oh now, here she is, my little pea is waking up. Look at your big brown eyes, my darling. Are you hungry? Mama will get you your bottle" Koschei smiled, fussing over Maisa and seemingly forgetting about Theta who couldn't help but smile at his friend. She really was a doting mother and he couldn't help but hope that motherhood was going to be the making of her. Maisa could be her saviour, putting the days of breakdowns and violence were behind her ."Here, will you take her for me while I get the tea? I need to get a bottle for her as well" Koschei said eventually, drawing Theta away from his train of thought. As the tiny bundle was passed to him carefully, Theta couldn't restrain his smile. He'd been dying to hold Maisa since he arrived but had been unsure whether or not Koschei would part with her newly-loomed daughter. She was so anxious and protective of the time tot. "Of course, I will" Theta said cradling Maisa as she began to squirm in his unfamiliar arms, searching instead for her mother's presence. "Hey now, little pea, Mama's here. This is your uncle Theta, you stay here while I go and get your bottle" Koschei reassured, stroking her daughter's wispy hair and hovering hesitantly by Theta's side. "Go and get the drinks. I'll be fine, I have done this three times" Theta said, catching sight of Koschei's lingering stare. "I know, I know. I'll be back in a minute" she said heading into the kitchen.
Within ten minutes, Koschei was back in the conservatory armed with tea and Maisa's feed. "Your Mama's back. I told you she wouldn't be long" Theta said to Maisa as he watched Koschei place the tea out on the small table."Would you like to give her her bottle?" She asked, picking up warm milk-filled bottle. "Do you mind?" Theta asked, eyes lighting up. "Be my guest, she likes you already uncle Thete" Koschei replied, handing him the bottle and watching keenly as he began to feed her little girl. Taking a seat and pouring herself a cup of tea, Koschei couldn't help but enjoy the scene. It was something she couldn't have imagined happening even five years previously. "I take it Cilinzia doesn't know you're here?" She asked eventually as Theta looked up shaking his head. "And the kids, they must be all grown up now. How are they?" She asked sadly. "They're fine, Kos, they're fine." Theta said quickly wanting to change the subject. Koschei sighed. "Cilinzia never did forgive me for that weekend, For what I did to Unza" she pressed, watching Maisa finish her bottle and Theta sit her up to wind her. "You don't remember anything about that weekend, Koschei, not really" he said sadly, remembering how ill she had really been. "Anyway, it wasn't that that made Cilinzia hate you. She was worried about you then, it's been your actions in the last twenty years that have caused her to hate you" Theta said, smiling triumphantly as he managed to get a small burp out of Maisa and then laid her back down. "I'll never forgive myself for hurting Unza" Koschei said seriously as she watched her baby return to a light slumber. "Let's not go over this now, love. It's a happy day, hmm?" Theta said, smiling at Koschei. "Yes, you're right, it is a happy day. Anyway, I'm going to change. I have something to focus on now and she's far too precious to do anything stupid" Koschei said. Soon, Maisa started to fuss in Theta's arms. "I think you want your Mama, don't you sweetie pie?" He said gently passing the infant over to Koschei and watching her quickly settle against the Time Lady. "There, there little pea. You are the most important thing in my life. Everything I do now is for you" Koschei said to the time tot as she cradled her and placed kisses to the crown of her head.
And Koschei did love Maisa. She loved her more than life itself. But love isn't enough to stop bad things happening. Love isn't enough to stop an inevitable and catastrophic war. Love isn't enough to stop a child dying. Or a husband. Or a wife. Or an entire population bar two. But that's another story for another day.
Earth, 2016
"What did you just say, Missy?" The Doctor asked, composing himself and sitting next to the Time Lady on the bed. "Hmm?" She responded, looking up at him and dropping her hand from her stomach. "You just said little pea, sweetheart. Who were you talking to?" He pressed, watching Missy's brow crease. "You haven't called anyone little pea since...since..." "Since Maisa" Missy finished for him, sniffing and wiping a tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise I said it out loud. The baby's been communicating again. All morning. I actually quite enjoyed it this time" Missy explained, watching the Doctor nod. "Don't apologise, love. That's a good thing, it's good that you're feeling comfortable with the baby" he smiled at Missy. "I didn't mean to remind you about your family, though. You were just thinking about them, weren't you?" Missy said, remembering the pained expression on the Doctor's face a few minutes previously. "No, no, it's good to think about them every now and then. Now come on, let's go outside."