Chapter twenty-seven: Meeting Johanna.
I couldn't believe I had told him all that. Here he was the victim! He had lost his life, his sanity, his liberty, his family, because of a lie! And I was telling him how sad mine was. I was a failure. I had no love for anyone but me. I was so egoist...I didn't deserve him, maybe this was happening to show me how wonderful he was and how poor I was in comparison.
"Yes...I chose the best father," I muttered to my baby, "You're lucky sweetheart, at least I could do something good for you...one thing...at least".
I heard some steps towards me, but I didn't open my eyes. I didn't care, I only wanted to sleep and wake up only when my head was clear.
"Darling, I would like to introduce you a very special someone," said Cole's voice.
I knew he wasn't talking to me and when I felt someone taking a seat on the edge of my bed, I knew it was her. I was a little afraid, she must to be hating me...I mean, I was here replacing her mother with her dad...wasn't that infuriating to her? It wouldn't be infuriating to me to know that my dad is dating a woman that isn't my mom, but to Prue it would. Was Johanna like me or like Prudence? If she was like me, it would be painful to her...I'm babbling.
"Shhh, she's sleeping," said her sweet voice.
"I guess she is," said Cole sadly.
"I'm not sleeping, I was resting," I said stretching a little. If the girl didn't hate me, I didn't want to give her reasons to start hating me. And if she did...I wanted to know it as soon as possible.
Johanna looked me with her puppy eyes. Her beautiful, beautiful blue eyes. I expected her sister to have the same diamonds as her and their father.
"Hi," she said shyly, whispering something to Cole's ear. He smiled.
"Yes, she's pretty," he repeated.
"Hi," I smiled motherly, feeling like maybe I had a chance, "I'm Phoebe, nice to meet you", clearing her soft face from hair.
She looked at Cole who nodded giving her confidence.
"I'm Johanna," she replied staring at my belly with a curious face, "Is that a boy or a girl?," she asked with a finger on her lips.
I smiled genuinely, the girl was really sweet and natural, not a bit scary...not as scary as I had thought this meeting would be. Cole was really peaceful, smiling, just watching us interact. I had never seen him like this before, like if he belonged somewhere, like...completely happy.
Healed.
His heart was fixed, I had promised that I was going to fix him even though I always knew I wouldn't be able to do it, but maybe my wish came true and that's why his daughter came back. You never know when God, or the evening star listen to you. Or my birthday candles: that's what I asked for, happiness for everyone in the house.
"She's a girl," I said taking her hand to put it over my belly; things were working out pretty well, why to mess them up? I had to be nice. And I felt like being nice, "She's happy to see you".
"She's kicking," she said excited, "Dad! the baby is kicking for me!"
Cole giggled and modulated a thank you.
"Of course she is, darling," he told her, resting his head over her little shoulder, "Sweetheart, that baby girl...she's special too".
"Why?," she asked, clearly entertained with the kicks, even though I was a little tired of them, but her expression was priceless. The moment was the kind of moments you never forget.
Cole looked at me, asking me to explain her why, making me feel an important part of this.
"Because...," I bit my tongue, but Cole's eyes gave me confidence to tell her the truth, and if I had told Grams and survived, I could do this too, "She is your baby sister, sweetie," I told her with a warm smile, hoping that she didn't get hurt or angry. Almost praying, actually. If she started crying I wouldn't know what to do, tho Piper used to cry a lot.
She looked at me, still, for a few seconds. I was getting nervous, why she hadn't said anything? Maybe she didn't hate me until now. Oh God she hated me now! What had I done? I didn't even know her and she already hated me.
"Is everything alright?," he asked her, worried.
I was staring at Cole now. She was so focused on my belly, she didn't even reacted to his question. He looked at me and then he placed his hand over her shoulder.
"Does my sister have a name?," she asked then, back to normal.
I breathed and even giggled a bit, now calmed. I had been so stupid, how and why would she hate me for having a baby? Why would she hate me for replacing her mother and...God, she had a million reasons to hate me. I better shut my mind up.
"Not yet," he said, hugging her happily.
"We would like you to help us to pick up a name. Would you?," I asked her; she was being nice, I had to be nice...and I really loved kids. I had forgotten how much I loved them and somehow I was feeling more secure about the girl, my daughter, Cole and myself now. A bit at least.
Johanna nodded excited and then looked at his father.
"May I?," she asked him with a big smile in her face.
"Sure," he kissed her cheek several times, "This is our new family, and you're a very important part of us".
I dry swallowed when he said our new family, part of us. Johanna smiled and crawled on the bed to put her ear over my belly. She was trying to listen.
"Dad...is this your new wife?," she asked.
If I had been eating I would have choked again. What was going on with that question lately?
"No," I said immediately, a little bitter; not because I wanted to say yes, even though I wouldn't have minded saying yes, but because I was uncomfortable despite my attempts of being positive.
"Then why are you going to have a baby?," she asked confused, raising an eyebrow.
I looked at Cole with a You're gonna fix this face. He explained to her that there were a lot of different kind of families. She made a lot of questions but she finally understood that we were not married, that we were not living together and that we anyhow loved each other.
"Dad...," she asked then, "That means that if you marry, she's going to be my mom?"
"I need to go to the bathroom," I said immediately. That question had scared the hell out of me and I couldn't bear one more second with her and her questions.
"We will see," he said as she moved closer to him as I tried to stand up, "All of us need some time to adapt. Now, the most important things are you and your school, your sister and Phoebe, okay?," he asked her, standing to help me.
After that we went downstairs, we woke up Grams with our steps, but what awoke Piper and Paige was the door, and Carry, with Johana's stuff. She didn't even say hello: she just left the things and left the Manor. Forever, luckily.
"What are you doing to do now?," asked Grams once we were having breakfast. Let me be clear, if I was eating was just because I was pregnant. I was tense and I didn't really feel hungry.
"I'm going to call Helena," said Cole drinking from his cup, with Johanna sitting on his lap; she didn't want to stay away from him, "I was thinking about renting an apartment since my career is going well, but I need to save money to pay for my daughter's delivery and Johana's needs; and Helena said she had an extra room that I could take. Although I still have to tell her about what happened yesterday".
Grams agreed. She offered him help if he needed since she had raised five girls successfully, or almost, I was the only exception to that rule -she didn't say it, but I added it myself in my head-.
"I phoned my friend, the same who's helping Phoebe and the girls with their high school and found a new school for Paige after all the scandal these two got involved in," she commented giving my sister a look, but she didn't give one to me; she still felt guilty after believing Todd instead of me, "He said he had a place for your daughter in a school a few blocks from here, isn't Paige's building but is the same school, just with different teachers".
I could see that they had planned almost everything when they had talked in the kitchen with the infamous Carry. To them things were "under control" and pretty normal, or that's how things looked like, Was I the only one stressed and confused? Why everyone was acting like if yesterday nothing had happened?
"That's wonderful," he said impressed, I had lost the count of how many times he had smiled today, "Thank you so much, it's good to know that she's going to be near Paige just in case. You heard that? New school, bye to the bullies you didn't like".
"Cool," she smiled too, clapping and cheering.
"But, you have to go and meet him within twenty minutes to set things up," said Grams cleaning her mouth with a napkin.
"Oh, okay," he said drinking his last sip of coffee, "I'll be here later, or tomorrow," he said standing from the table.
"Anything you need, just call," said Piper.
Cole nodded and kissed my lips, but I didn't reply. I mad, but not at him, but at the world. He left the kitchen holding hands with his daughter. What I didn't expect, was that the little one came back running to kiss my belly and then stood on her toes to say goodbye to me.
"Bye Phoebe," she smiled pleased, "I'll think about a name for my baby sister, I hope you like it!"
Said that, she ran after Cole whose steps had came back but hadn't had the chance to enter the kitchen again.
I remained silent, still shocked, meanwhile the others were talking about how sweet Johanna was and that she would get along very well with the baby and stuff I wasn't paying attention to.
"Are you ok?," asked me Paige.
I nodded with a weak smile. I was emotional, I didn't know what to think. Everything was so hard, I felt so guilty for not being a better person to Cole's daughters.
"You sure?," asked Piper this time.
"Yeah...I mean, he's happier than ever, right? I only need some time to get used to the idea, that's all," I lied; I didn't want them to know that I was an insecure teenager, I had been trying to look all grown up and that mask had to remain until the end. Even though it had fallen this morning with Cole.
"It's going to be like this for a few days, Phoebe," added Grams, "He's not going to be here as often, and when he is he's going to bring her".
"What do you mean with that? Something you want to tell me?," I asked sharp.
"Things changed. And you need to be ready to accept that and the way they're going to be, that's all".
"I know," I said biting a sandwich, "I know" I said to myself.