CHAPTER 26: "So Close, Yet So Far"
RATED: PG-13 (for Language)
PREMISE: Chad and Josh go for a little drive, Luke talks to Brendan.

Luke went into the bedroom he had first woken up in and looked around. He plopped onto the edge of the bed and held his head in his hands.

"NoahNoahNoahNoah...." Luke chanted over and over as he cried softly. He buried his head in the comforter on the bed.

Brendan woke when he started to shiver. The bed was cold where he had been snuggled up to Luke. His heart started to race. He sat up, worried that Luke may have tried to leave again.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Luke in the other room, but then his shoulders slumped when he realized what he was hearing. Luke sobbing and chanting his `NoahNoahNoah' like a mantra. Brendan ran a hand over his face and groaned.

Luke crying and sobbing was pulling at his heartstrings. Brendan bit the inside of his cheek and swore under his breath. He had several thoughts come to mind, but one was no better than the one preceding it. Brendan stood up and walked into the other room to find Luke face down on the bed.

"Sit up Luciano. I want to talk to you." Brendan sat on the bed and pulled Luke into his lap. Luke felt something hard in Brendan's pocket, but he didn't care what it was at the moment, he was in a state of depression.

Brendan took Luke's chin in his hand. He tilted Luke's head in the moonlight pouring in from the window. He smiled sadly at Luke as he dried his tears with the soft pads of his fingertips. "I'm sorry I told you about Noah."

Luke closed his eyes and felt the gentleness of Brendan's hands on his face, then running down his body to rest high on his thigh. He let his head rest against Brendan's chest, hearing his beating heart.

"It's alright Bren. I'd rather be told by you than an impersonal cop. You know what though, I don't think It matters now anyway. I don't think we're getting out of here alive. At least I have something to look forward to when I die. Noah is waiting for me on the other side."

Brendan paused. `He trusts me so much that If I tell him right now that I was lying about everything... I orchestrated his kidnapping and told him Noah would be dead by now.... he'll hate me. Who am I kidding, he's gonna hate me anyway when he finds out the truth.'

"Luciano? You have to fight just to make it through this. I want to help you." Brendan stroked Luke's thigh in small circles and smiled with sympathy. "Will you marry me?"

Luke's eyes opened and his brows drew near. He shook his head and tried to sit up, but Brendan kept him enclosed in his arms.

Luke asked with uncertainty, "What the fuck did you just say?"

Chad had the address. He quickly thanked his mom for her help and hung up. He ran into the bedroom and silently grabbed the complimentary pen and pad of paper. He scribbled the address down and looked at Noah. He debated whether to wake him or not.

Josh turned to Chad and asked, "What's up Chad. You look like you're hiding something."

Chad smiled and couldn't contain his excitement. "I think I know where Brendan took Luciano."

Josh pulled his arm out from under Terry's body.

Terry grunted and turned his body away from Josh.

Josh stood up and approached Chad. "What do you mean you think you know? How do you know?"

Chad answered, "I was in Brendan's motel room. I remember seeing a map. I'm sure he took Luciano to this state park." Chad tapped the pad of paper.

Josh looked at it excitedly and exclaimed, "Lets wake Noah up! He'll want to know about this right away!"

Chad nodded and said, "I thought the same thing, but look at him. He's so tired and he's getting a reprieve from the stress while he sleeps."

Josh looked at Noah's peaceful, serene face and said, "On the other hand, he'll be ecstatic that we have a lead. Would you rather call Detective Parks?"

Chad quickly answered, "No! Noah wants to be there when they find Luciano and you and I both know that the detectives won't let us know when they find him until they've questioned him extensively. They would probably call his parents and grandma first anyway. This way, the four of us may be able to find him first."

Josh agreed, "You know, Noah is going to be pissed off when he finds out that you have this information and didn't tell him until the morning."

"Yeah, I know. Hey, you wanna go with me now? We could go check it out. What's the harm in that?" Chad asked.

Josh smiled at that idea. "Yes! At least lets go check it out. Then we can come back and tell Noah!"

Chad took the keys to Noah's truck off the nightstand and put on his coat. "This way, if he gets mad, he'll be mad at me."

Josh threw on his coat and followed Chad to the truck. They stopped at the nearby all night gas station and bought a map. The clerk helped them find a direct path to the state park.

They thanked the clerk and were on their way. They drove quite a while with Josh navigating.

Luke looked at Brendan in amazement. "Bren! Why would you ask me that now, of all times?!"

Brendan could tell he hit a raw nerve. He replied, "Because Luciano, we're here together and if we get out of here, I want to be with you. Please consider it?"

Luke hung his head and sighed. He said "Fine.. I'll think about it. I just can't believe you asked me now with the loss I'm experiencing. You really can be a jerk Bren."

Luke knew the love of his life wasn't coming back to him.... ever. He had no one. Brendan was the best he could hope for. Brendan loved him and would take care of him. Luke felt all hope was lost. Despair overcame him as thoughts of life without Noah consumed him.

Brendan kissed Luke's cheek and said, "I may be a jerk, but I want to take care of you, I want to help you feel better hon'."

Luke held Brendan around the waist and sat in silence thinking, 'I can't believe my first marriage proposal is from Bren. Am I that pitiful? Is this it... this is all life has to offer me? Maybe it is... no... I'm not that desperate yet, but I do owe him my life...'

Chad and Josh found the driveway into the state park. They entered from the east side of the park. Chad drove to a chain linked fence. "Fuck! Josh, get out and see if it's padlocked."

Josh opened the door and wrapped his arms around his body to shield himself from the cold wispy wind. He walked to the fence and pulled on it. The chain wasn't locked. He opened the gates and ran back to the truck.

Chad drove in slowly and said, "Okay, I have no idea what we're looking for. Does the map give us any indication as to whats out here?"

Josh studied the map and ran his finger over certain areas. "Hmmm... there's a lake, campgrounds, uhhhhh. Hey! Cabins! Lets try there. It's shelter, even if there's no water and heat!"

Chad sat up higher in Noah's driver seat. He gripped the leather steering wheel and sped up as Josh told him which direction to go.

Their headlights flashed through the windows of the first cabin they stopped in front of. Chad and Josh got out, checked doors and peeked into windows. They got back into the truck and faced each other.

"Damn!" Chad hit the dashboard. "I guess we have to go back. Noah doesn't keep a flashlight in here and we can't see inside the cabins very well with just the headlights."

Josh sighed in defeat and agreed, "We'll have to come back in the morning. I wished we could have found him and brought him back to Noah as a surprise. I know that sounds idiotic, but he would love to see his boyfriend right now. I feel so bad for him."

Chad started the truck and turned around in the grass. He shifted into reverse and said, "I'd trade places with Luciano wherever he is just to make Noah happy."

Brendan woke up when he heard the gun of an engine outside the cabin. Lights shown through the front windows, thankfully not in the bedroom where he and Luke had fallen asleep.

Brendan quickly looked at Luke's face. He was in a deep sleep. His eyes moved under his lids as he dreamed.

Brendan sat up without moving the bed and walked to the front door and peeked out. He saw a truck's red tail lights. The truck was dark, black possibly. It wasn't a park patrol jeep either. Brendan stepped away from the door and went back to Luke. He scratched his head in wonder and immediately panicked. This was the second time a vehicle had come by and by the looks of it, it may have been Noah's black truck.

"Shit, shit, fucking shit!!" Brendan said angrily, waking Luke from a ceremonial dream of Noah and him in the presence of family and friends.

Luke sat up, rubbed his head and looked around. He saw Brendan's figure pacing at the end of the bed.

Luke asked, "Bren? What are you doing? Come to bed."

Brendan replied, "No. I need to think of a way to get us out of here."

"Why now? You can think better after a good night's sleep." Luke said warily staring at Brendan as he moved about the room more and more anxious-like. "What's going on? You're acting strangely."

Brendan stopped and faced Luke. "I just think it's best that we do something rather than sit here waiting for someone to come. I mean, what if Joe and the other guy shows up? We're sitting ducks!"

Brendan bit his fingernail and thought, 'The cops have got to be onto me now! If Noah knows to look here!'

Luke stood up and walked to Brendan. He hugged him and asked, "What do you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking I need to go and search for help." Brendan said with sadness. He didn't want to leave Luke, the man he loved, alone. He knew he'd never see him again if he left now. Tears rolled down his face as he held Luke close.

Luke felt Brendan begin to shake from crying. He looked up and asked with worry, "What's wrong?"

Brendan shook his head and let out a strangled, "Nothing"

Luke held him at arms length away and said angrily, "You have to tell me. We're in this together!"

Brendan took a deep shaky breath and through his tears, "I don't want to leave you."

"Lets go together. I thought that's what you were talking about. I don't want to be left here alone!" Luke shouted as anger replaced concern.

"Luciano," Brendan spoke clearly, "Try to see it once my way. You have to stay here if a rescue team comes. We both will be working together, but.... apart."

Luke stuttered, "Bren, I'm frightened. Are you sure this is the right thing to do?"

"Yes. It is." 'More than you'll ever know.'

Brendan was now resolved to the fact that this was right. He had to do it for Luke. He loved him that much, besides Luke didn't want to marry him, he wanted Noah.

Sadly enough, Brendan realized that taking Luke to convince him to give their relationship a second chance, wasn't going to plan. Luke wanted nothing to do with him in "that" way.

Brendan saw Luke hang his head and wrap his arms around his waist. He understood how scared Luke was to be alone in unfamiliar territory.

He walked to Luke who was now crying. He hugged him tight and felt Luke's arms go around him.

Luke looked up and said with trepidation, "Bren, I lost Noah, and now you're leaving me too?" Luke sniffled.

Brendan nodded, "I'm sorry hon'. It's something I have to do. I love you and I want to show you that by getting help. Understand?"

Luke asked, "When? When are you leaving, in the morning?"

Brendan was silent for a moment, then replied, "Now. It's best I get an early start don't you think?"

Terry woke up alone. He sat up quickly and noticed Josh wasn't in bed with him. He turned on the light and noticed Chad was also M.I.A.

Noah closed his eyes tighter against the white light shining behind his eyelids. "Jesus Christ! What's going on?"

He opened his eyes and immediately winced. "Fuck Terry! Turn off the light!"

Terry stood up and went to Noah's bed. He stood before Noah and said in a panicked voice, "Noah! They're gone!"

Noah cleared the sleep from his head and said, "Who's gone? Where's Chad?" He looked around and added, "Hey, where is Josh?"

Terry shrugged and stated, "I don't know. I just woke up."

Noah sat up and said, "Oh, I think I know." He chuckled. "Chad told me he wants to date Josh's sister! Maybe he's talking to him about it?"

Terry staggered back in shock. "What the hell are you talking about? He's not... What? Are you serious?"

Noah laughed aloud, it felt really good. "Yes! He's really changed since that camping trip. I mean regarding his sexuality. I think he's confused. I never had the urge to be with a female, have you?"

Terry laughed, "NO! But I admit, females are attractive. Maybe he's just trying to find himself, like we did. Josh lost his virginity to a girl, maybe Chad's curious."

Noah nodded, "Yeah, maybe you're right, but Josh's sister?! Fucking hilarious!"

Terry laughed and asked, "So, where do you think they are?"

"Probably outside, their coats are gone." Noah said as he walked to the door. He pulled it open letting in the chilly air. Light snowflakes blew into the room.

"Brrr They have to be freezing their nuts off!" Noah chuckled.

Terry came up behind him and placed his hands on Noah's hips as he peeked over Noah's shoulder. "I don't see them Noah."

Noah looked up and down the parking lot when he noticed his truck was gone. "Goddammit! Those assholes!" he backed up, bumping into Terry and apologized.

"What did you see?" Terry asked, looking into Noah's angry face.

"Those fuckers took my truck!" Noah walked over to where he had left his keys. "Shit! Where would they go?"

Terry shrugged, "I don't know, to get something to eat?"

Noah shook his head. "No, they went to look for Luke. I feel it. Damn!"

Terry put a hand on Noah's shoulder and said confidently, "They'll be back."

Noah put his hand on top of Terry's and replied, "I know they will and then they'll be hearing from me!"

Noah began pacing, worrying about the safety of his friends. "Terry, if they knew something, or heard from the detectives, why didn't they wake me up? This is royally pissing me off!"

Noah blew hot angry air out of his mouth.

"I don't know. Noah sit down. It's no use getting yourself worked up when we don't know what's going on yet."

"You're right. I'll save it for when they get their sorry asses back here!" Noah sat on the bed with a plop and turned on the t.v.

Terry sat next to him and looked at him attentively. 'He's so upset. He has to worry about Luciano, now he has to worry about Josh and Chad. How inconsiderate of those two. Didn't they think Noah would go nuts when he found out they'd left?'

Noah was staring at the screen without seeing it. He was so angry he was seeing red. 'Those fucks! Why would they do this. It's not like I have enough to worry about! I should have come here on my own, now I have to babysit!'

"You're leaving now, as in RIGHT now? No!" Luke asked startled. "But... but.."

Brendan winced at the sound of fear, sorrow and pain in Luke's voice, "Luciano babe, I have to... for you."

Luke held on to Brendan and said, "You mean for us." Luke sighed and pulled Brendan's head close. He kissed him on the lips and said, "Be careful. If something happens to you too... forget I said that. You take care of yourself. I can't lose you too." Luke kissed him again, a little longer this time.

Brendan was caught up in the intense feeling of Luke on his lips again. His head went blank, dizzy from the effect of Luke's kisses on him.

Luke of course felt only friendship when he kissed Brendan goodbye. He felt so bad he'd gotten Brendan and Noah's friends into this mess with Joe and the gay bashings when he moved to Oakdale. His guilt overrode his sane thoughts.

"Bren, I'm sorry I got you into this mess. Noah's dead, his friends were beat up, we were kidnapped...." Luke continued, "This is all MY fault."

"No it's not Luciano. Do not blame yourself for what others do. You are not responsible for anything but loving Noah. There is nothing wrong with that."

"But he's gone. Those bastards fucking killed him. You said they were going to!"

"I know. I'm sorry, but maybe they didn't?" Brendan said with hope.

Luke pushed Brendan's chest. Brendan took an unexpected stumble backwards.

"Don't fucking DO that to me!!! You're giving me false hope! I'm dealing with his death." Luke walked away from Brendan with his hand on his forehead.

Luke violently turned around and yelled. "Why are you doing this to me! You say you love me and then you go and say something completely moronic like
"maybe they didn't kill him!" I can't speculate about that right now. I can't bare the possibility of him being alive if he's not! I'll go crazy!"

Brendan closed his mouth and apologized, "Forgive me?"

Luke burst into tears. He walked over to Brendan and hugged him. "Yes. Just... don't talk about him anymore. I want to keep him to myself.. in my mind for a while before I can talk about my feelings. He's mine, he's safe in here with me." Luke tapped his head and laid his head on Brendan's chest.

Brendan kissed the top of Luke's head and said, "Luciano, I need to go now. Time's a wasting as they say. Hey, can I take your cell phone with me? There's got to be reception out here somewhere. It's a goddamn state forest right?"

Luke sighed and said, "Sure, take it. Take whatever you need, Bren. I..." 'Hmmm... what did he say?"

Brendan retrieved the cell phone and sneakily took Luke's wallet and put it in his back pocket. He needed money. Luke would understand. He walked to the front door. Luke followed him and questioned with uneasiness, "Did you say we're in a state forest?"

Brendan stood statue still with his hand on the doorknob. He was afraid to turn around.

"I think we must be. I mean there's no civilization and we're surrounded by trees in a cabin. Where else would we be?"

Luke nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

Brendan slowly turned around and gulped. "Luciano, I'm so very sorry... for everything." And with that, he quickly opened the door, put up his hood and walked down the steps leaving Luke dumbfounded.

Chad and Josh were on their way back to the motel when Chad said, "I can't believe we did this. If Noah is awake, he's gonna have our asses mounted on the wall."

Josh chuckled.

Chad looked at Josh and smiled, "You know, I have a feeling we were on the right track back there."

"I know! Me too!" Josh exclaimed. "It feels right. It's the most secluded place and it's so obvious!"

Chad nodded and glanced at Josh again. He cleared his throat and said, "Um, Josh, I'm really happy that you and Terry worked things out. He's lucky to be with you."

Josh smiled and said, "No, I'm the lucky one. He's everything I was looking for all those years of dating, naively looking for love by having sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but the feeling of someone loving you with their heart and soul is astounding."

Chad nodded, "I know, me and Noah had that. or so we thought. He had... um, HAS Luciano and I... well I haven't found what I'm looking for. I want to run something by you."

Josh looked out the window and turned down the radio. "Sure, what?"

Chad rubbed the back of his neck with worry. "I sorta, kinda want to take your sister out on a date."

Josh whipped his head to the left, looked at looked at Chad.

Chad looked at Josh and smiled uncomfortably back at him.

Josh began to laugh. "Good one Chad!"

Chad glanced at Josh and quickly looked at the road again. "I'm serious Josh."

Josh laughed harder, "You got me! That is the best joke I've heard in a long time!"

Chad sighed and stated emphatically, "Josh! Really, I'm asking your permission."

Josh immediately stopped laughing and said, "What the hell do you want my sister for? You're gay!"

Chad smirked and replied, "I know, but since I know your sister, I thought if she'd be willing to go on a date with me, I'd be in a safe position to explore my feelings for females."

"You want to use my sister to see if you like girls too?" Josh asked getting angry.

Chad nodded at him and said, "Yes, sort of, but not USE her. I don't want to ask out some girl on campus only to realize I don't like women like that and hurt her feelings. I would tell your sister up front that I'm testing the waters. I won't lie to her."

Josh shook his head. "Where is this coming from?"

Chad shrugged. "You, Terry, Noah and Luciano are all so much in love. Noah and I had a really good thing and I still love him, but not the way Luciano can love him. He does something to Noah I never could do. I don't know what it is. The love between them is palatable, I can feel it in the air, can't you? I just want a taste of that. I don't know. Maybe I'm being stupid."

Josh rubbed Chad's shoulder and said, "No you're not stupid. I did the same thing. You're desperate, that's all, just like I was. I know you don't want to date a female Chad." Josh chuckled. "You may want one as a friend, but that's all. You'll find some man that will sweep you off your feet and you'll be blown away."

Chad sighed heavily. "I guess you're right. I was with Travis, who got busted with drugs, then I was with Brendan, who took Luciano. Now I'm talking about women! What is wrong with me? I am so fucked up! It's a wonder I have any friends at all!"

Josh grinned and said, "But you do Chad, you have the four of us. Nothing will change our friendship. Let love find you, it's out there, be patient."

It felt like the temperature dropped twenty degrees when Brendan left. Luke ran to the door. He raised his hands around his mouth and called him back loudly. "Bren! Wait, Don't go!"

Brendan turned around and stared at Luke on the porch. 'He must love me! Why else would he call me back?"

Luke was still confused about what Brendan said. 'A state forest? Why not in some back woods somewhere? The way he left is suspicious. Why did he apologize to me again just before he left, something isn't right.'

Chad pulled into the motel parking lot and turned off the truck. He looked at their hotel room and saw that the lights were on. "Shit, they're up!"

He turned to face Josh and said, "So we agree? I guess now is as good a time as any to tell Noah about the hunch."

Josh nodded, "Yeah, I don't want to lie to him, but he is going to be so peeved when we go in there. I don't wish the wrath of Noah on anyone, ya know? He's worried about his boyfriend, about us and probably pissed that we took his truck, and that we didn't wake him and Terry. Oh fuck! Terry is gonna be pissed off at me!"

Chad chuckled, "I doubt it. He'll just be a little mad, then he'll be relieved that you're okay. He worries about you. You know, what we did to him at the coffee shop was really shitty. Noah told me Terry cut himself."

Josh nodded and looked rueful, "Yeah. I really fucked him up that night, but I intend to make it up to him for as long as he'll be my boyfriend. I'm hoping that'll be for a really long time. One can only hope."

"Ready for the onslaught?" Chad smirked.

"Ready as I'll ever be Chad." Josh said as anxiety filled his stomach.

"I can handle Noah. It's alright, you'll see. His temper will flare up, then he'll be fine. All will be right in the world after he gets his anger out."

Josh nodded as walked with Chad to the door. They walked in to see angry faces and hands crossed across chests.

Chad smiled and said in a jovial manner, " Hey guys! What the fuck's up?!"

Noah narrowed his eyes and stomped over to Chad. He came chest to chest with him and said in a low menacing voice, "Wipe that fucking smile off your face right now Chad!"

Terry looked relieved to see Josh and walked over to him. He whispered, "You guys are in a world of trouble!"

Josh smiled and pecked Terry on the cheek. "Miss me?"

Terry whispered back, "Josh, you know I did. I was so worried."

"I'm sorry baby." Josh whispered and wrapped his arm around Terry's waist as they watched Chad and Noah's stare down.

Chad stood his ground and said, "Do you want to know where we were, or don't you care?"

Noah frowned and grumbled, "You better tell me where the hell you two were! What if someone had found Luke and called me? You two.." he poked his index finger hard against Chad's chest, then pointed the same angry finger at Josh and continued, "should know better! You steal my truck, you go off without telling Terry or I and... and..." Noah sat on the bed with tears in his eyes. "I was just so scared. I didn't know where you two went. If anyone gets hurt, it would be my fault because I brought you all here."

Chad, Josh and Terry ran to Noah. He had his hands over his face as he sobbed.

Terry and Josh sat on either side of Noah with their arms wrapped around him.

Chad knelt in front of Noah on the floor. He took Noah's hands away from his face and held them in his hands as he explained where he and Josh had gone.

Noah sat in silence, staring into Chad's brown eyes. Every now and then, Josh would say something and Noah's attention would be averted to Josh's face.

When they were done speaking, Noah sat shell shocked, stunned, excited, with an urge to leave the dumpy motel and find that state park without further delay.

Chad, Josh and Terry convinced him that they had to wait until morning, that they couldn't go breaking into cabins looking for Luke in the dark. It could be dangerous, not knowing Brendan's state of mind. Morning wasn't far away. Hours, but that would give them time to come up with a plan.