"I'm sorry we weren't able to work a weekend away together before you leave for New York." Eleanor speared a few leaves of limp lettuce, but did not take a bite of the salad that sat warming on her plate.
"I'm sorry as well. It would have been nice. Of course summer's less busy with work on my end, but it tends to fill up so quickly, doesn't it? Somehow feels even fuller." Caroline smiled and pushed the remains of her own meal around with her fork. They'd agreed at the last minute to an unscheduled lunch. It was getting on in the afternoon, and the thrill of seeing Eleanor was rapidly waning as the reality of their departures became heavier.
Caroline nodded. She was scheduled to leave for New York with Flora a few days after Eleanor was already due to be in London. And Eleanor was, in fact, now scheduled to be spending at least a week in London each month for the rest of the year, in addition to the full month of August. She'd finalized it this morning and told Caroline over lunch, and it had shifted Caroline's mood.
"Well I'm glad you've really been able to spend time with William in the next few days before he leaves for Tel Aviv. I know you're anxious."
"I mean, it's Tel Aviv, Eleanor. He'll be on my mind every minute."
"Same with June and Lily. And they'll be relatively close." Eleanor reached across and took Caroline's hand and they smiled at each other, mutual reassurance from nervous mums. Caroline's unhappiness with Eleanor's priorities didn't mean she didn't still take comfort from her strength. "It's hard to have them leave the nest."
Caroline thought about William – and about Lawrence. The pain of his leaving the nest had been much different than William's, and it weighed on her. Still, he seemed happy. More than that, he seemed on the path that was right for him, and that was making things between them easier all around.
Eleanor frowned. "How's Celia? I know you'd been trying to convince her to see someone."
Caroline set her fork down, finally just abandoning the rest of her meal. "Well I've finally managed it. She's an appointment early next week with a gerontologist who specializes in – 'cognitive' troubles. I insisted she go before I leave." Caroline was clearly flustered. She threw up both hands in frustration and shook her head, suddenly animated. "Because you know how that goes. Nothing happens until I return, then back and forth about scheduling - next thing we know it's September."
Eleanor nodded. "It's easy to procrastinate when it comes to unpleasant tasks. I'll hold my hand up there." She finished her salad, took a long drink of water. "Will you call me, afterward, and let me know what happens? Please?"
Caroline was quiet, and Eleanor leaned across the table on her elbows. "I am sorry about Celia. I don't know what outcome to wish for, but I do wish for the best."
Caroline nodded. She was excited to make the trip to see Ginika, worried about her mum, and already missing Eleanor. 'One day at a time, Caroline. It's the only way this will work. No expectations.' "I'll miss you these next few weeks. Every day, I think."
"I don't know what I'd do without the girls with me in London this next week. They're terribly excited, because I'll barely have time to keep them under my thumb. I've already had to quash several pipe dreams involving clubs and curfew extensions." Eleanor shook her head. "And of course Lily's the ringleader. She's several bands she wants to see, and none of them even start before ten pm. I've told her we can go to one – and I've no idea how I'll manage to keep myself awake for it."
Caroline laughed at the thought of Eleanor in a cardigan and trousers, totally done in after a long day at work and propped against a grimy wall in a London club, dozing. "Well if I were voting on best mum, you'd get it for even agreeing to one show."
"Thanks." Eleanor smirked and raised her eyebrow. She sat back and crossed her arms as the waiter deposited their check. She waived Caroline off and handed her card to the waiter. They sat in silence as they waited for him to process it, Eleanor quickly signing and standing as he handed her card back. She replaced it in her wallet and slung her work bag over her shoulder, with a thin smile to Caroline.
She held out her hand and Caroline took it as they left the restaurant, both women still quiet. After a quick, silent walk, they arrived at the Jeep, stood facing each other and holding hands.
Caroline smiled, eyes shining, made shy by the strength of her emotions. In the context of everything else, an ocean away in America seemed like a world away.
Eleanor squeezed her hands, ducked her head to meet Caroline's gaze, which was cast down to the pavement. "This is why we wanted to do this privately, isn't it?"
Caroline nodded and looked up, sniffed, and put a wrist to her eyes. She thought about last night, and how wonderful it had been to be with Eleanor, the connection they'd intentionally created. Driven in intensity by the knowledge of how long they'd be apart. Three weeks felt more like a couple months as the reality of their new status-quo began to sink in.
And then Caroline thought about how hard it was when Eleanor had left the bed so early that morning, how much she'd hated that feeling. It had still been dark. She even remembered, in a tactile way, the feel of the cool sheets next to her as Eleanor had showered. She had slid her hand over to Eleanor's side of the bed, which prematurely seemed to be lingering with her absence. She brushed the memory aside. It would be fine. It would get easier. It would all just take getting used to.
She looked down, thought about the evening a little more. Looked up again shyly, but with a hint of fire in her eyes. "I enjoyed our goodbye as well."
Eleanor was refusing to let herself feel lonely already, with no intention of showing up to work covered in tear stains. She let go of Caroline's hands, placed one of hers over Caroline's chest and tilted Caroline's chin up with the other to meet her gaze. She thought about last night as well. She dwelled for a moment on the physical memory of it and let that light her eyes and lift the corners of her mouth in a puckish grin.
She moved one hand down to Caroline's waist. She slid her other hand up from Caroline's chin, over her cheek and behind her neck. She leaned in and kissed her. She tucked Caroline's long blond hair behind her ear before whispering, lips traveling over Caroline's hairline, grinning. "I know I'll need weeks at least to recover from you last night, Caroline Dawson - and how you've made me feel. About us. So I'm not worried. The time should just fly by."